


I Think I Like It

by canadianhannah



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom!Frank, Daddy Frank, Daddy Kink, Dom!Frank - Freeform, Dom!Gerard, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Frerard, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rimming, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Sex Toys, Student Frank Iero, Student/Teacher, Sub!Frank, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teacher Gerard Way, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top!Frank, Top!Gerard, Underage - Freeform, bottom!Gerard, cross-dressing, ddlg elements, dominant frank, dominant!gerard, student!Frank, submissive Gerard, submissive!frank, tattoo!kink, teacher!gerard, tw:Suicidal thoughts, tw:drug abuse, tw:self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:50:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 69
Words: 266,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3549968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadianhannah/pseuds/canadianhannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Frank Iero totally doesn't love his English teacher, Mr. Way, and how that English teacher may or may not totally not love him back.</p><p>(originally posted on mychemicalromancefanfiction.com)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well, who knew?

It’s not even like he was new or anything. He’d been my English teacher for the last two years, and I never noticed a thing. I mean, yeah, he was a lot more chilled out than the other teachers, and had this way of shutting kids up that was terrifying, but that was the only exceptional thing I’d ever noticed – and everyone noticed that. Shit, he wasn’t even my favourite teacher, you know? He was just… a guy. A teacher. He was there. I went into his classroom bored, I left his classroom equally as bored, and that was the only interaction we ever had.  
  
It’s funny, though, that in the two years of having him as a teacher, I never heard him read. I mean, yeah, he read out messages from other teachers, or short excerpts from books, but I mean that I never heard him actually _read_.  
The school board decided, in our last year of doing English that we needed to focus on one text, instead of short extracts from a lot of texts. I couldn’t say I didn’t agree, but it did mean that we had to then spend the whole year reading To Kill A Mockingbird which, for the record, I’d already seen the film of, so was there much point of reading it? No.  
Was there a point to watching Mr. Way read it? Definitely fucking yes.  
  
I looked like shit that day. I remember, because I was in a bad mood because it’d been raining and I had just finished being splashed by a car that drove past me when I arrived in class. Mr. Way smiled a little at my disheveled appearance.  
“What’s the matter Iero, couldn’t work out how to turn the shower off?” he smirked. I rolled my eyes.  
“Fuck off you prick.” I murmured, and then glanced up under my eyelashes to see if he’d heard. He had, but he said nothing, just raised his eyebrows and walked away.  
“So, as you guys have heard, we have to study this little gem for the rest of the year.” He announced, waving his copy of the book around. The class groaned collectively, and he laughed, perching on the edge of his table.  
“Yeah, I know. You guys sure love your tiny paragraphs. I think it’ll be good for you to actually read something substantial. You know, broaden your horizons and all of that sh-junk.” He said, flicking through the book absent-mindedly. A few girls giggled at his near use of profanity, and I rolled my eyes. All of the girls found him irresistible, and he knew it. He shot a ‘dazzling’ smile at them, and then continued prancing around the room like a jackass.  
He pointed at one of the girls in his overly flamboyant way, and asked her to hand the books out. She unmistakably pulled her skirt a little higher as she ran to help him. He didn’t notice, though, instead he came over and knelt down next to me, his face soft.  
“You okay buddy?” he asked. I scoffed and looked away from him – even his face was making my blood boil. I was so not in the mood for nosy teachers right now.  
“Yes. Fine.” I snapped. He laughed and looked down, his red hair falling into his eyes, and then looked up again.  
“Okay, glad to see you’re well.” He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, before returning to the front of the class, and sending the disgruntled girl back to her seat.  
  
“Seeing as the majority of you hate reading with a passion” he said, raising an accusatory eyebrow at the class, who tittered nervously under his gaze, “I’ll read, and you just follow along in your books, and write notes where you see fit. Deal?”  
The rest of the class mumbled its’ ascent, and Mr. Way perched himself once again on the edge of his desk, cleared his throat, and began to read.  
“ _When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow…”_  
I stopped myself from gasping. His voice was so soft and smooth. The words glided off his tongue like water, and I couldn’t do anything but stare at him, open-mouthed. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he spoke, his tongue occasionally flitting out to wet his lips. As he spoke, his hand moved slowly up and down his thigh, an idiom that I recognised from Atticus’ character in the movie.Surely, then, he was familiar with the novel. I confess that I didn’t consider that too deeply, though, I was too busy watching the hypnotic movement of his hand, as he slid it across the soft fabric of his suit trousers. His fingers slid up, almost touching the constantly visible bulge in his trousers, then dropped, sliding back down to his knee. Each time, his hand seemed to be moving higher, and each time, I waited with bated breath for his fingers to even graze the spot for a second.  
I didn’t have a big moment of ‘oh shit, I think my teacher is hot’ – I liked to think I was more mature than that. Instead, I let the feeling wash over me, and embraced it. It was nice, I thought, to be interested in someone – especially someone I couldn’t have. It’s not like I was in love with the guy – where was the harm?  
  
He finished the chapter and placed the book down next to him, smiling softly at us, and I was sad to see him stop.  
“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” he teased. Everyone chuckled in response, and shoved their things into their bags. Somehow, I felt myself doing the same, though it felt like someone else was controlling my movements. Mr. Way took the rise in conversation to drift towards me, leaning on my desk. My eyes automatically – and inappropriately – flitted to his thick bulge, and felt a knot in my stomach.  
“Sorry to bug you, Frank. Just making sure you’re definitely okay. You seemed distracted.” He said, his eyebrows knitting together (holy shit, have his eyes always looked like that?) I smiled softly and nodded, clearing my throat to make sure my voice didn’t sound weak.  
“Totally, I’m fine. Just tired. Y’know, I wanna get home and all that.” I shrugged. He put a hesitant hand on my shoulder, and my breath hitched.  
“Okay…just let me know, alright? I know people can give you a hard time sometimes. Not to be awkward, of course.” He said with a giggle. My heart swelled – he was adorable. I shook my head and reassured him, once again, that I was totally fine. He nodded and flitted off across the room to one of the girls who had, not at all subtly, pulled her shirt down to show more of her cleavage. I laughed and shook my head as I left the room. Who’d have thought that, after just an hour, I’d have a thing for Mr. Way?


	2. Didn't your mother ever tell you...

What do you expect me to say? That I turned into some fucking fairy princess because I had a crush on my teacher? No fucking way. I left his classroom feeling…invigorated, I suppose, but no different other than that. All it really meant is that I blushed like a fuckin’ schoolgirl when he sat on a table near me at lunch that day, and I couldn’t stop staring at the way he laughed, or the way the sunlight (what there was of it) shone off his red hair.  
One of my friends noticed it, and shook my arm a little.  
“Dude, you wanna fuck Mr. Way or nah?” he said, only half joking. I chuckled and shook my head.  
“Nah, I thought I saw a hot girl at the other end of the hall.” I said sheepishly, and hoped that that had covered it up which, apparently, it had. I looked down at the table and cursed myself silently, before letting my eyes drag back up to take one last glance at him.  
And, of fucking course, he was already looking at me.  
I felt my pulse jump in my neck as the blood flooded my face. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, even as his eyebrows rose in surprise, his mouth forming something between a smirk and a look of disbelief, before settling on a smirk. That slimy, self-satisfied smirk that always annoyed me (but that I didn’t mind now, given the circumstances).Next to him, one of the other teachers started talking. He rested his chin on one of his hands, turned to them briefly to respond, and then let his eyes fall back to me. He squinted and nodded, seeming like he was listening to what they were saying, while he was… what was he doing? Examining me? Like I was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen – he’d known me for two years, surely he’d have known before now if I were interesting. I laughed a little to myself at my own hypocrisy, and saw his eyebrows furrow, as if he was wondering what I was laughing at. His intense gaze made me drop my smile immediately, and I shifted slightly in my seat, highly uncomfortable, but still unable to look away.  
“Stop staring at me” he mouthed suddenly, his face breaking into a smile. I chewed my lip and looked, down, feeling my face flush. When I looked back up, he was still grinning like a child in a candy store, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Something the teacher next to him said grabbed his attention, and he half-turned away from me to answer them. I took the opportunity to tune back into my friends’ conversation.  
“…great tits though. Shame about her face.” One of them was finishing. I wrinkled my nose at what I’m sure was a very disrespectful comment.  
“Frank, how was that girl you went out with on Saturday? Sarah? Shannon?”  
“Susan. Yeah, she was fine.” I shrugged. Truth be told, she was not fine. She was boring, but since she had a ‘great ass’ and ‘nice tits’, I was expected to like her.  
“What’s the matter, wouldn’t she put out?” they laughed. I laughed with them.  
“Something like that.” I agreed, and let them continue with their conversation around me. Taking a deep breath, I let my eyes flick back up to Mr. Way. He was still half turned away from me, and I saw his fingers slowly undoing his tie, pulling it down a little bit from the tight loop that had been across his neck. He looked at me from under his eyelashes, smirked, and pulled the loop down another inch. Jesus Christ.  
  
I had never been so happy to hear the damn bell for last lesson ring. I fought the urge to stand up straight away, and waited for all of my friends to slowly rise, not wanting to seem suspicious.  
Of course, since the universe seems to fucking hate me, as soon as I did stand up, I walked straight into the one person I really didn’t want to walk into, and managed to spill his coffee all over him. I felt my blush rising as I stammered for words.  
“I’m…so sorry…I didn’t…shit….sorry….” I stammered, my palms sweating. He chuckled and made a feeble attempt to wipe himself down.  
“It’s fine…not like I liked this shirt anyway.” He sighed. I felt bad, but more than that, I just wanted to get out. He looked at me for a second, and then smiled.  
“It’s not your fault. You were clearly distracted. It can happen to anyone.” He said smoothly. I blushed even harder.  
“Yeah. Could happen to anyone.” I repeated.  
“Wanna tell me why you were so distracted?” he asked, angling his body towards me.  
“No reason.” I said defiantly. He chuckled and put his hand on my shoulder. It was rougher than I was used to from him, but I wasn’t complaining at all.  
“Well, like I said earlier, Frank. You can come talk to me about anything and I’ll…do my best to help. As much as I can.” He said, and his words seemed to hold a different meaning – or maybe I imagined it.  
“I appreciate that.” I said coldly, but my voice was weak. His eyes lit up with amusement and he pushed past me –maybe a little bit unnecessarily – to get out of the canteen.  
“Dude, what’s his issue?” my friend said from behind me. I hadn’t realized he was still there, and felt my blush come back.  
“Don’t know. He’s a weird guy.” I mumbled, making my way out of the hall.  
  
I’d have been fine. I’d have been fucking fine if I’d just got the hell to my next lesson. I had math, which was completely mind-numbing and absolutely perfect to make it impossible for me to over think what had just happened. This was moving faster than I’d liked – not only did I start finding my teacher attractive but he, on the same fuckin’ day, shows an interest in me? Was that a romantic interest or what? I had no idea. It was a weird day, and I knew the dull buzz of mathematics in my head would make everything seem normal again.  
Or it would have, if I hadn’t fucking looked in the window. All of the classroom doors had windows on them, and I, as I walked past Mr. Way’s classroom, peeked in out of habit and curiosity. Of course, the motherfucker was topless.  
I blushed and faltered in my step for just a second, but it was a second long enough for him to turn around and see me staring at him. This time, though, I wasn’t caught in his gaze – in fact, just the opposite. I turned on my heel and got the fuck out of there, feeling tears welling up in my eyes for no reason.  
  
By the time I got to my lesson I was mostly composed, and sat myself down in my chair for a lesson of mind-numbing dullness. I’d only just got my book out, though, when a very smiley redheaded asshole stuck his head in the doorway.  
“Sorry to interrupt, but could I borrow Mr. Iero for a second?” he asked. My teacher, a thin, brown-haired woman looked at him for a moment, then to me and shrugged.  
“Sure.” She said, turning back to the board. I grabbed my bag and walked out of the class, trying not to notice the eyes trained on me as I left – probably jealous because I got to leave. Little did they know, I’d had given anything to stay in there with them.  
  
“I think we need to talk.” Mr. Way said, his face serious. I gulped and felt my palms heat up. This was it. My short-lived crush was going to get me into trouble already.  
“Um, sure.” I said, realizing he expected an answer.  
“I just want you to know that I don’t make it a habit of changing during school hours. It was just I didn’t want the coffee sticking to me and…yeah. I don’t know. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He said in a rush. I stared at him for a minute, then beamed, absolutely relieved.  
“Oh…no worries. It was an accident. I wasn’t bothered by it.” I assured him. He smiled and nodded to say goodbye. I was about to go back into class, when he spoke again.  
“By the way Frank. Didn’t your Mother ever tell you not to stare?” he said, his eyes alight with…what was that? Amusement? I chewed my lip, and grinned right back at him.  
“She sure did. Did yours?” I retorted. He faltered for a second, and then laughed.  
“See you tomorrow, Frank.” He chuckled. I took a moment to compose myself, and then went back into class, barely able to hide the grin on my face.


	3. Son of a bitch.

I wasn’t excited for English.  
I did not pick out an outfit especially because I had English today.  
I didn’t want to impress my teacher.  
I didn’t even like him that much, and I definitely wasn’t flattered that he may or may not have been flirting with me. That would have been ridiculous.  
Still, when I came downstairs in my favourite shirt and jeans, and my mother remarked ‘you look nice today, Frankie’, I couldn’t deny the turn my stomach gave.Maybe he’d notice I looked nice. And maybe I gave a shit a little bit more than I was willing to admit.  
I wolfed down my breakfast and jumped up, kissing my Mom on the cheek as I left.  
“Where’s the fire?” she exclaimed. I slowed down intentionally, smiling sheepishly at her.  
“Nothing. Just, I don’t know. I’m feeling restless.” I lied. She shrugged and waved me off as I started the journey to school.  
I was one of those kids who lived awkwardly close enough to the school so I could walk, but far enough that I really didn’t want to walk. Still, the weather wasn’t that bad, considering it was October, so I didn’t mind the stroll – it helped me to clear my head before school.  
I worked out that, since I had English just before lunch, I had three whole lessons in which to ready myself, and to try and convince myself that I was totally not crushing on my teacher. Of course, I knew that would be shattered the moment he started reading, but I commended myself for at least trying.  
I reached school as the bell rang and followed my peers into the building, feeling somewhat like sheep being herded for slaughter in the way that we all mindlessly followed each other.  
My friend Chris managed to catch up with me at some point and grabbed my backpack, pulling himself up so he was level with me.  
“How’s it going?” he asked, dodging younger students. I smiled at him, happy for some normality.  
“It’s fine. I’m dreading English.” I said. I don’t know what made me say it – it kind of just spilled out. Chris snorted.  
“You got that right. Damn, if I have to hear that old fuck read another word from that shitty book, I’m going to have to write another book called To Kill A Chris.”  
I rolled my eyes at the shitty joke, but laughed anyway. I didn’t agree with him, of course, but what was I going to say? ‘Hey don’t say that, Mr. Way is nice and have you ever noticed his eyes before?’ It was just easier to pretend I agreed.  
Chris and I both walked towards our Geography classroom, and he held open the door for me in mock courtesy. I laughed and pulled him in the classroom with me, and we sat down at our seats at the far end of the room.  
  
Unlike me, Chris actually enjoyed Geography, so I was pretty much stuck doodling while he wrote down notes vigorously. I wasn’t very good at drawing, so my butterflies and flowers ended up looking like deformed dinosaurs. Whatever, that was cooler anyway.  
“Iero, what is the difference between a destructive and constructive plateline?” called my teacher from the front. I laughed nervously.  
“Something about how one smashes” I said vaguely. He rolled his eyes, but continued.  
“I think what Mr. Iero was trying to say is that…” but I tuned him out. It’s not like I actually cared about volcanoes or whatever the hell he was talking about.  
  
In fact, I really didn’t care for anything in any of my other lessons, either. It must have been quite obvious, too, because during our break, Chris expressed his concern.  
“I dunno man, you just seem sort of out of it.” He said.  
“Hey, leave him alone man, he’s probably just psyched to be turning 18 soon, am I right?” My friend Joe said. I smiled, happy for the excuse.  
“Yeah, that’s it. I’m just looking forward to it. And Halloween.” I added. The guys immediately burst into cheers.  
“Yeah. Dude, you’re coming to the Halloween dance, right?” Joe asked.  
“It’s on my birthday, I wouldn’t miss it.” I beamed. The guys made another Neanderthal-sounding roar, before we went into our next lesson, which, for the record, also passed in a big, long, confusing blur. And then it was time for English.  
  
I didn’t know what I was hoping for. I guess a part of me wanted him to not be there, because my heart sank when I saw him, perched on his desk as usual, cradling his copy of To Kill A Mockingbird between his thumb and forefinger. One of the girls, Katie, was talking to him, tossing her hair constantly over her shoulder, and pushing her chest out towards him. He kept his eyes expertly on hers, and didn’t seem to be responding to any of her attempts at flirting. I felt warmth in my stomach at his indifference towards her, and happily walked towards my seat. When he turned around, we locked eyes and his expression flitted through several different emotions, before settling on a polite smile, and turning back to the class.  
“Is everyone happy for me to keep reading?” he said, jumping up off the desk. We all pulled our books out of our bags and nodded. I waited for him to return to his desk, but he didn’t. Instead, he sat down lightly on the corner of my desk, cleared his throat, like before, and began reading.  
“ _Dill left us early in September, to return to Meridian. We saw him off on the five_  
 _o’clock bus and I was miserable without him until it occurred to me that I would_  
 _be starting to school in a week…”_  
Once again, I was shocked by the smooth, clear sound of his voice. Up close, it was even easier to see everything he was doing – even things I didn’t notice before, like how his eyebrows furrowed occasionally, or the twitch of the side of his mouth when he got to a part he clearly enjoyed. Above all, though, was that damn hand of his rubbing his thigh. From this angle, I could see truly how close his fingers got to brushing that lump in his trousers. A few times, I caught myself holding my breath because I was certain that the next stroke of the length of his leg would bring him to touch that spot I so desperately wanted him to touch, but he never did. Still, every time, I felt my stomach tighten and my cock twitch as he brought his fingers near himself, then pulled away. Jesus Christ – he was driving me crazy.  
  
At one point, though, I caught him looking at me. It was only for a second, but it was definite. I toyed with the idea of ignoring it, just staring down at my book and waiting for the lesson to end, but I couldn’t. I found my eyes being dragged up towards his where he was somehow managing to read the book without so much as a single break in his words, and keep his eyes firmly on me. My mouth felt dry, and I brought my tongue out to wet my lips. Big mistake, apparently, as Mr. Way’s hand stilled on his thigh, just a few centimetres away from his bulge. He moved his hand experimentally higher, then looked at me, waiting for my reaction, I was sure. Instead, though, I looked around the classroom – surely someone else must be noticing this. But they weren’t. Everyone was following his or her books as he read, and weren’t so much as even looking at him. I brought my eyes back to his and, in a moment of bravery, let my teeth catch on my lips. He smirked and let his hand trail further up his leg, and I watched, feeling my own legs tingle at the sight. There was no way this could be happening. Still, even through all of this, the words came flowing from his lips, unwavering and constant, not a beat out of place.  
I glared at his hand where it rested on his upper thigh. A few centimetres. The man needed to move his hand a few fucking centimetres. He knew what I wanted, there was no denying that, yet he refused to give it to me. I suppressed a whimper, and instead, shifted very obviously in my chair, showing him how uncomfortable I was.  
To my absolute mortification, he stopped reading and looked at me with mock concern.  
“Frank, are you okay?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows, but there was a mischievous light in his eyes. I smiled a strained smile.  
“Yeah. Dead leg.” I murmured. He nodded and turned his attention back to the book.  
I thought that would be the end of it – but, of course, it wasn’t because the universe and my English teacher apparently hate me. He let his fingers brush around the top of his thigh for a while, before sliding them softly onto – finally – the bulge (now somewhat more pronounced) in his suit trousers. He explored himself gently with his fingertips, positioning his hand so that, if anyone else looked up, he could make it look natural. Nobody did, though, and he didn’t break eye contact with me for almost the whole time (except, of course, for when the action of reading demanded his attention). I pursed my lips, staring at him hungrily, not even bothering to hide how I was feeling, as I let one of my hands drop beneath the table, and pressed my fingers into my own swelling lump. He stilled his hand and didn’t look at me for some time, and I thought that maybe I’d gone too far. Feeling ashamed, I brought my hand up from under the table, and in doing so, almost missed the smirk that played around his lips as he grabbed himself. Literally, right there, wrapped his fingers around his trouser-clad dick and squeezed lightly.  
I nearly lost it. I clenched my fists under the desk as I watched him squeeze himself again, this time letting his fingers stroke down his shaft, before settling just above his knee.  
That bastard.  
  
He finished the chapter and put his book back up on his desk, and sat down behind his desk – something that was very unusual for him, who normally sat on his desk (or in this case, on my desk). I let out a soft laugh, and was met with him glaring at me through narrowed eyes, which I responded to with an innocent smile.  
“Ah, Katie, collect all the books for me.” He said. He sounded tired, and I smirked at him again. He squared his jaw and looked at me with a fire in his eyes that was no less than terrifying. I shifted in my seat, but for a different reason this time. Surely, he couldn’t be angry with me?  
“Okay guys, I want you to take the notes you wrote in your books, and use them to plan an essay for me.” He said. Everyone else got to work straight away, except me who didn’t have any notes – which he knew, because he was too busy trying to tease me the whole time. I put a shaky hand up.  
“What?” he snapped.  
“I…um…I don’t…”  
“You don’t have any notes.” He said blankly. I nodded silently.  
“And why is that?” he sneered. I bit my lip and shrugged. He smiled, but it was strained.  
“You didn’t write any notes because you were too busy daydreaming to listen. Detention, Iero; I want to see you after school.” He said, glaring at me.  
I was at a loss for words. I had no idea what the hell had just happened to me, and, to be honest, I felt a little bit used. I kept my head down for the rest of the lesson and, when the bell rang, made sure I was one of the first up and ready to go. That didn’t stop him from keeping me behind, though.  
“Frank?” he said. I approached his desk warily. He said nothing until the rest of the class had filed out and then looked at me, his eyes dark and lust-blown.  
“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’ll tell you this. You have to fucking watch what you’re doing.”  
“I…I didn’t mean to…” I stammered.  
“Don’t interrupt me.” He growled “You know what you’re doing. Watching me with those big, innocent eyes, when really all you want is a fuck. I don’t know where this has come from, but I swear to God, if you do that one more time I will not hesitate to drag you to my desk and fuck you in front of the whole class. Am I understood?” he demanded, his voice barely a dark purr. I stood staring at him, too shocked for words.  
“I’ll see you after school.” He said curtly, and motioned me to leave. My feet walked me out of the room without me telling them to, as my mind tried to work out what the actual fuck had just happened to me.

 


	4. In which Mr. Way is not, in fact, joking.

My conversation with Mr. Way left me feeling weird. Like, really, really weird. I supposed that the responsible thing would be to tell someone about it, to make him stop, but the thought of it made alarm bells go off in my head. Truth be told, I didn’t want him to stop. Even though I felt insecure and nauseous after our talk, I felt oddly satisfied. As weird as it was to be told that your teacher wanted to fuck you (and it _was_ weird, even repeating it in my own mind), it made me feel superior, almost. I met my friends at the lunch hall with an air of confidence that I’d never had before, feeling like I was walking on clouds instead of the plastic, sticky floor.  
Though, my confidence immediately dissolved when we sat down at our usual table and I saw Mr. Way sitting on the table adjacent to us, in the seat right across from mine. My cheeks burned, and the nausea won in the battle between my emotions.  
“Can we sit somewhere else today?” I blurted out.  
“Why?” asked Chris. I chewed my lip, trying to get a good answer.  
“I don’t know…maybe sit outside or something? The weather’s nice.” I said feebly. My friends made grunts of disapproval, muttering about how cold it was, and that I was ‘fucking crazy’. I just nodded like I agreed, and tried to focus on something else except the man sitting almost exactly across from me. I knew that at some point I’d have to look up, and the thought made me feel like my stomach was in knots. I couldn’t bear to face him after what happened. I mean, the guy practically jacked off in front of me, and then threatened me with voyeuristic sex. You can’t get much more awkward than that, and frankly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face him yet – bearing in mind that I had our little session after school to look forward to. I’d resolved to ignore him as best I could for now.  
But one little peek couldn’t hurt, right?  
  
I flicked my eyes up and was happy to see that he wasn’t looking at me, but instead was looking down into a book. His eyebrows were furrowed and his hair was sticking up in places from where he’d clearly run his hands through it several times. He looked so friendly and approachable that it made me question if the conversation had ever really happened. Maybe I was just projecting some secret desire onto him, and that made everything he said seem dirtier than it was?  
No. Of course not. Even if I’d imagined some of it, I’d _definitely_ heard his threat, and the way his eyes looked when he glared at me. My cock twitched in my jeans at the thought of it, and I took a deep breath to calm myself down. Unsuccessfully, of course.  
I looked up again, half-hoping he was looking at me, and was actually disappointed when he wasn’t. His face was still buried in the book, his hair even more disheveled than before. I got a strong urge to run my hand through it, and clenched my fist under the table, as a physical reminder of why I should totally not do that.  
He sighed, as if frustrated, and snapped the book shut. He lifted his head ran a hand through his hair again and, in doing so, made eye contact with me. My breath caught in my throat as he looked at me. He didn’t smile, or glare, or do much of anything. He just stared at me, like I was a problem that he couldn’t work out. My heart leaped in my throat, and I knew I had to do something to make him stop looking at me like that, but before I had the chance, he was on his feet. I let my head fall into my hands and sighed. I didn’t even know how I felt, and it was that asshole’s entire fault. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was happy having my meaningless little crush, and then he had to turn it into something sinister. Before, it was a bit of fun, something to get me through the day (granted, this was only the second day of me having found him attractive), but now it was a burden weighing heavily on my chest.  
As he reached the door of the hall, he looked at me again, with a gaze so intense, it sent shivers down my spine. He seemed to be debating something, before he stepped through the door, and was gone.  
  
I spent the next hour of my life worrying. I don’t mean that I was nervous, either, I mean I went into full-on panic mode. My heart raced in my chest, my stomach did somersaults and I hands were sweating so much, I could barely hold my pencil, making the flower I was meant to be drawing look more like a deformed frog. I didn’t know what to expect – what if I walked in and he grabbed me? Would he stop, if I asked him to? Or maybe it would just be an hour of him teasing me again? I didn’t know if I could handle that; I’d probably explode (literally). The thing that scared me the most, though, is the idea that we would just sit there in silence, ignoring each other. After everything, I didn’t think I could bear to have him just dismiss me like that. I sighed and put my pencil down, grimacing at the ‘art’ I had produced. I looked up at the clock – there was only ten minutes left of my lesson. Ten minutes until I had to man the fuck up and go do something that I knew, no matter what, would be difficult. Damn him. Damn that motherfucker.  
I decided, given the circumstances, that putting my head down and trying not to think would be the best thing to do for the next ten minutes.  
  
I stood outside of his classroom, not even daring to look inside. I honestly had no idea what would happen when I entered the room, and I couldn’t tell if the turning of my stomach was excitement or dread. My hand shook as I put it on the handle and finally let myself into the classroom, where my stomach dropped almost straight away.  
There was a small group of boys in the back corner of the room in a circle, talking quietly to each other. I looked from them, to Mr. Way, who wasn’t even looking at me. That fucker.  
I cleared my throat, even though I knew he’d heard me come in, and he looked up wearily.  
“Oh. I forgot you were coming. Sit wherever.” He said. I pursed my lips and made my way to a seat at the back.  
“And by that, I meant sit there.” He said, pointing to the seat directly in front of him, a ghost of a smirk on his lips. I fought the urge to smile as I sat down, looking up at him.  
“Sit there and do whatever you want for the next hour.” He grumbled, putting his head back down and doing whatever it was he was doing before. Disappointment crashed around me as I realized that I was expected to just sit here, in silence. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, letting my head fall back as I did. I barely heard the hitch in his breath, but it was still there. Enough that I knew I couldn’t have imagined it. I rolled my head forward, so I was facing him, and saw that he was still writing, but his left hand clenched on the table, and his lip was caught between his teeth. I felt a rush of pride and looked down to hide my smile. Even though I’d managed to get his attention, I didn’t want to push it. As much as I didn’t think he’d go through with his threat from earlier, I still didn’t want him to be angry with me. I thought of the way his eyes had looked, so dark and lust-blown that I could barely see any colour; not only that, but the way his jaw squared and tensed as he talked to me, his voice barely more than a growl. Again, my cock twitched in my jeans, which were getting uncomfortably tight. Well, fuck.  
I looked behind me and saw that the boys were completely immersed in their own conversation, not even looking at either Mr. Way or I. I let my eyes fall on him, and saw that he too was preoccupied. Nobody would notice if I quickly dealt with my ever-growing problem. I slid a discreet hand under the table and pressed my fingers urgently against the hard lump in my jeans, biting my lip to stop myself from moaning at the relief it brought. I tried not to move my arm too much as I rubbed myself under the table, pushing my hips forward to increase the friction. I glanced up at Mr. Way and felt my stomach tighten with need, because, fuck, I wished he would just fucking touch me. Staring at him only fuelled the fire, so I looked away. As much as I needed a release, I was almost 18, and was way too old to be cumming in my pants.  
“Mr. Iero. Do you think I’m blind or stupid?” Mr. Way’s cold voice said suddenly, cutting the quiet of the classroom. I quickly moved my hand onto the table and gulped.  
“Neither.” I said weakly.  
“Then I don’t see why you insist on pushing me.” He said, still not looking up from his papers.  
“I…” I stammered. He looked up, his face apparently cool, except for the obvious arousal in his eyes. I held my breath.  
“I’m a man of my word, Mr. Iero. Having known me for two years, I’d think you’d know that by now. That means that when I make a threat, however unpleasant it might be, I _will_ go through with it if I’m pushed. I thought you understood that.”  
“Yes sir.” I gasped.  
“I don’t think you do understand. Otherwise you wouldn’t be so desperate to misbehave.”  
“I’m sorry.” I breathed. Holy shit, he was making it worse. He looked at me for a few more moments, his face still cold and a fire still raging in his eyes.  
“Everyone but Mr. Iero can leave.” He sneered. The boys at the back whooped with joy, but fell silent at the look on Mr. Way’s face, and filed out silently.

“Mr. Way….I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…” I whispered, feeling absolutely mortified. He stared at me with the same cold indifference.  
“You can leave as soon as you’re finished.” He said, his voice still cold, but softer somehow. I stared at him in disbelief. He wanted me to…seriously? Now?  
“Sir, I don’t think I can-“  
“Then you’ll just have to stay here, won’t you?” he sighed, turning back to the work on his desk. Despite the awkwardness, my erection still strained uncomfortably in my jeans, and I didn’t doubt for a moment that he really wouldn’t let me leave. Holding my breath, I slid my hand back under the table and started rubbing myself again, being able to do it better now that I could move my arm more freely. I let my head fall back, exposing my throat, and heard Mr. Way moan softly.  
“Shit.” I breathed, rubbing myself harder. I looked up and faced him, watching him carefully as he tried to look like he wasn’t paying attention to me – the only thing giving him away was his heavy breathing, and his hands, clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white.  
“Sir…Sir please…” I panted, rolling my hips up into my hand. He moaned again, not even trying to hide this one. He ran a hand through his hair as he panted shamelessly, seeming almost like he was trying to calm himself down.  
“Ah…Sir, please. It hurts. Please help me.” I heard myself plead, not realizing the words had fallen out of my mouth. His head snapped up and he looked at me in shock, before letting his head fall back.  
“I can’t.” he breathed, but it was almost a sob. He rolled his head forward, resting his forehead on his hand.  
I was getting close, and the hungry, predatory way he stared at me only made it worse. In a moment of pure bravery, I unzipped my jeans and pulled my boxers down, exposing myself to him.  
At any other time, I think I’d have been embarrassed, but now all I could think about was him. I had to cum because he told me to, and because he wanted to see it. My hand stroked quickly up and down my shaft, and I heard his strangled moan when he realized what I was doing.  
“Fuck. _Fuck_.” He breathed, all pretences of disinterest long since dissolved. I saw myself cumming before I felt it, but soon, the strength of the orgasm hit me like a punch in the stomach, as I coated my hand in cum. I moaned loudly, my head falling back as I waited for the throbbing pleasure to stop.

It did stop. And when it stopped, I couldn’t shove myself back inside my pants fast enough. I couldn’t look at him – the shame started creeping over my body now that the arousal was gone. My hands were sticky, and I looked around for something to wipe them with, when he handed me a box of tissues.  
“Here.” He said softly. I hadn’t even noticed he’d stood up, but here he was, standing right fucking next to me. I didn’t meet his eyes as I took the box from him, mumbling a thank you under my breath.  
“Are you okay?” he said gently, and I was happy to hear the warmth back in his voice. I nodded, but tears welled in my eyes.  
“I don’t know what to say.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. I smiled a little bit, and brought my eyes to his.  
“It’s fine.” I breathed.  
“I…that was bad. That was really bad.” He said, almost as if that was an explanation. I shook my head.  
“No, it wasn’t. I…liked it.” I said, realizing the truth in the words only as I spoke them. He reached out and put his hand delicately on my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin.  
“You’re exceptional.” He murmured. It looked, for a moment, like he was going to kiss me. My lips trembled, and I had to stop myself from leaning in. He dragged his thumb across my lips and smiled softly, almost sadly.  
“You should get home. Your parents will be worried about you, I’m sure.” He sighed, walking away from me and over to his desk. I stood up slowly and collected my things, walking towards the door and not really knowing how I felt anymore.  
“Frank.” He said suddenly. I looked over my shoulder and saw him smirking at me again.  
“Please don’t think that this means that my threat doesn’t still stand, because it does. And I think you know now that I will definitely go through with it.”  
I laughed and scratched the back of my head.  
“Of course, Sir.” I said, smiling and he actually smiled back. Not a smirk, but a smile as bright as the sun that warmed me for my entire journey home.


	5. Avoidance is never the answer

I expected a lot of stuff to happen the next day. I had English very first thing, so it’s not even like I could prepare myself for what might happen. Still, I had some ideas; some of which made me blush profusely, and others that made my stomach turn. Still, I entered my English classroom with a feeling that was akin to excitement. Much to my surprise, everyone was already seated when I came in, and looked up at me.  
“Oh. Sorry I’m late.” I said, turning to Mr. Way. He smiled nonchalantly.  
“No problem, I was just reviewing what’s happened in the book so far.” He said, not even looking at me. I lowered myself into my seat slowly, not quite sure what was going on. Of all the things I imagined, him acting like nothing had happened at all was not one of them.  
“Sorry, Anna, you were saying?” he said, turning his attention back to one of the girls. She gave a brief (yet weirdly accurate and detailed) synopsis of what had happened, and he treated her to one of his heart-meltingly beautiful smiles. I felt jealousy burning in my stomach.  
“Thanks Anna, that was great.” He said, beaming at her again. She blushed and turned away, and he shook his head, laughing a little bit as he returned to his deck. He picked up his copy of the book, flicked through it a couple times, then set it down again.  
“I don’t wanna read today. I think it’s a bit boring for everyone if I just sit here and read. Am I right?” he said. The class laughed and he smiled and nodded, understandingly.  
“Got it. So, how do you guys want to approach this then?” he said, leaning his head on his hand.  
“I think maybe if you summarized it, and then we worked through it like that, I’d get it better.” Chris said. Mr. Way laughed and ran his hand through his hair, and the movement made my stomach drop.  
“So you want to read the book without actually reading the book?” he said, smiling. Chris nodded, and he laughed again.  
“I think you’re onto something, actually. How about I write you all a short synopsis of the story, and you we can decide, as a class, the parts that are most important, and look into that deeper” he said, obviously proud of himself. Everyone nodded and agreed but I, feeling a childish anger, refused. I looked down at my desk, my blood boiling. Okay, sure, I didn’t expect him to grab me when I walked in, but how is he acting like everything’s okay? It’s almost like yesterday never happened.  
“Okay, let me just run to the computer room and type up some synopsizes, and I’ll hand them out to you when I get back. Until then, just…work.” He said with a shrug as he flitted towards the door. Just as he got there, he put a hand on my desk roughly and leaned in towards me.  
“I think you should come help me.” He murmured softly. It wasn’t sexual – more apologetic. I rose to my feet, hopeful that he’d take this opportunity to explain himself. I mean, if he regretted everything and wanted to pretend it hadn’t happened, that was fine, but I just needed to know what the fuck was going on. Three days into my crush and my head was already spinning.  
  
The walk to the printer was silent, yet Mr. Way seemed unusually cheery – more so than usual. He looked over at me a lot, but never spoke. Honestly, he was making me want to punch him in the face, and it was difficult to keep my frustration in. When we eventually got to the printer room, he herded me in and locked the door behind us, leaning on it casually.  
“Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he said. For once, there wasn’t any special emotion on his face, like anger, or sensuality, or even a particular smile. It was just his teacher face, and it made me even angrier. How dare he treat me like I’m just another kid.  
“I think you know.” I muttered, keeping my eyes down. He sighed and loosened his tie self-consciously.  
“Frank…I don’t know what you want me to say.” He said, seeming genuinely lost for words. I sighed and looked up at him, hoping that my frustration was apparent on my face.  
“I just want you to explain this to me. Help me understand what the hell is happening.” I said, tears filling my eyes. I looked down because I’ll be damned if I was going to let this fucker see me cry.  
I thought he was going to give me some bullshit excuse. But, apparently, he was up for surprising me today.  
“I don’t want to talk about this. It’s inappropriate, and frankly, it was a mistake. If you continue to try to talk to me about what may or may not have happened, I’ll have to take action.” He said, his voice curt. I stared at him, open-mouthed. I definitely wasn’t expecting that.  
“Action like what? It’s not like you can tell anyone.” I said through clenched teeth. His eyes widened in surprise, and the corners of his mouth twitched.  
“I can’t tell anyone that a student kept making inappropriate sexual advances towards me? That a student exposed himself to me? That the same student tried to blackmail me? Really, Frank. I think I can tell anyone I want.” He said, his tone patronizing. He tilted his head a little and smiled, as if I was some damn toddler.  
“You fucker.” I spat.  
He didn’t respond, instead going towards one of the computers and beginning to type. My heart pounded in my ears – who was he writing to?  
He noticed my discomfort and looked up through his eyelashes, rolling his eyes at me.  
“I need to actually write those synopsizes, Frank. Stop being so paranoid.” He said casually, his hands going back to the keyboard. I turned away from him, and took the opportunity to wipe the tears from my cheeks.  
“Jesus Christ.” He sighed suddenly. I turned around and saw him resting his head in his hands, breathing deeply. He lifted his head and looked at me, tears in his eyes, and shook his head.  
“That’s not how I wanted this to go down. I…damn, Frank, come here, honey.” He said softly. I made my way across the room to him, still wary. He took my hand gently in his and smiled up at me.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to…be weird about it. I thought the best thing would be to act like things were normal, you know? Give us both the chance to ignore it.”  
“No offence Mr. Way, but that plan sucks balls.” I laughed. He smiled and chuckled, running a hand through his hair.  
“I guess it did. I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. I nodded and smiled back, feeling warmth despite my frustration.  
“What do you want to do, then? How can I make this easier on you?” he said.  
“Make what easier?” I asked suspiciously.  
“Forgetting about this.” He said bluntly. Oh. I chewed my lip.  
“I don’t know. I guess I can just try to ignore it.” I said softly. He shook his head and squeezed my hand.  
“Don’t be silly, Frank. You’re a person, and you have feelings, and I hurt them. That’s my fault, and I’m sorry. Tell me how to make things okay.” He said, his voice sounding vaguely desperate. I looked away from him for a second, trying to collect my thoughts, before I managed to reply.  
“You can’t. It’s just the way I am. I find something, and I dig my claws in, and I won’t let it go. This is no exception. _You_ are no exception. I’ll just hold on and hold on, and nothing you can do can fix it. It just…is. And I have to be okay with that.” I said, letting the words pour out of me in a rush. He just stared at me in solemn silence, letting the words sink in and, hopefully, realizing that I was right. He reached up, as if he was going to touch my face, then let his hand fall back down to his side.  
“This is really, really fucked up.” He laughed, and I couldn’t help but laugh with him.  
“I’m sorry, though. If there’s anything I can do to make this up to you…” he said. I nodded and, hesitantly, so he could pull away if he wanted to, put my hand under his chin, pushing his head up lightly so I could see into his eyes. He pouted a little and sighed.  
“I wish I could…” he said, but dropped his eyes before the end of his sentence. I nodded anyway – it’s not like I didn’t know.  
“Me too.” I whispered. I pulled my hand away slowly, reluctantly, and sat at the large table in the middle of the room, letting him get on with his work.  
“The lesson’s nearly over.” I pointed out. He smiled and laughed weakly.  
“Yeah. Everyone’s probably already gone.” He agreed.  
“I guess we should just wait in here.” I suggested and, to my delight, he nodded. I twisted my hands in my lap, building up the courage to ask him a burning question.  
“Mr. Way?” I said tentatively. He looked up and smiled softly.  
“If we could…do this. Would you?” I asked. He pursed his lips and looked down at his clasped hands.  
“I…don’t know. I think so.” He said. As much as I appreciated his honesty, his uncertainty stung.  
Before another regret could be made, the bell signifying the end of the lesson rang. He smiled at me and stood up, walking towards me slowly.  
“I guess that’s our cue.” He said softly, helping me to my feet. He held me at arms length for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug. I buried my face in his shoulder, holding him tightly to me and breathing in his scent like I needed it to live. It occurred to me later that this was the first time he’d ever actually hugged me, and it felt good…right, like I was meant to be there, as cliché as it sounds. He pulled away and smiled at me.  
“C’mon Iero, can’t be late for your lesson.” He chuckled.  
  
In exactly a week, I’ll be 18. One week from now, and I’ll be with all my friends, drinking at the lame school Halloween party that gets thrown every year, and getting so drunk that one of us gets carried home. Within a matter of months, I’ll be leaving school, and I’ll never have to see him ever again. Within a matter of months, I’ll never see him laugh or smile, or that cocky smirk of his ever again. Never again will I see the cold heat in his eyes, or tremble, desperate for him to be closer to me, to even brush me with his finger tips for a quarter of a second.  
Within years, I’ll forget him and his damn eyes, and the way he talks out of one side of his mouth, and the feeling of his hands on mine, or his chin under my fingertips.  
He’s a speck of dust in the universe that is my life. He’s a small, dull spot of light. Why, then, does it feel like he’s lighting up my sky? If he’s only a star, why is my Earth rotating around him? If he’s not the moon, why is he moving me so much? If he isn’t my oxygen, why can’t I fucking breathe? If the sun hasn’t imploded because he’s gone, why is everything so goddamn dark?

 


	6. Happy Birthday, Frankie (part 1)

The next week was difficult, to say the least. Everyone around me seemed to be excited for my birthday and for Halloween, except for me. I can’t blame my bad mood entirely on Mr. Way, of course, part of it was that my birthday was coming up and I wasn’t in the least excited. My Mom, for one, was definitely upset, and was constantly crying because her ‘baby’ was growing up. I tried to console her as best as I could, but to be honest, I was shit-scared of growing up, too. This wasn’t just another birthday, it was a milestone, and I wasn’t sure if I was mature enough to be considered an adult. The only thing that really made me excited was my friends and I making plans for the Halloween party. The way things looked, we were going to have an awesome time. It was a masquerade party, so the guys were making plans on how they were going to pick up chicks using their disguises, and then leave, so the girls didn’t get ‘clingy’. As much as I abhorred their objectification, I had to admit – it was a smart plan.  
I already knew that Mr. Way wasn’t going. One of the girls had asked him earlier in the week and he had laughed and said that he was far too respectable for something like that, but hoped that we all had a good time. I suppose it was better that way. For the most part, we’d been good at keeping our distance from each other. He started sitting intentionally facing away from me during lunch, and we both paid each other as little attention as possible during our lessons, him instead favouring to spend long periods of time talking to the girls, while I chatted with Chris (who I had intentionally moved closer to for that purpose). As much as it was difficult, I knew that it was definitely for the best. I felt less weighed down by him, and it made it easier to actually enjoy his company. When he made a joke, I didn’t have to pretend to not find it funny anymore – I could just laugh. If I knew the answer to a question in class, I didn’t have to pretend to not know the answer, I could just put my hand up and answer.  
Not only that, but it made it a hell of a lot easier to pay attention to what he was actually teaching.  
  
The morning of my birthday, my Mom woke me up with eggs and bacon in bed, with a skull-shaped cupcake on the side. I beamed up at her and wolfed down my food.  
“Thanks, Mom.” I said between mouthfuls. It was rare that I had time to eat before school, but on my birthday my Mom always insisted that I took the time to treat myself, and I loved her for it. She rocked backwards onto her heels, smiling at me wistfully.  
“What?” I asked, suspiciously.  
“You got a letter in the mail.” She said simply. I raised my eyebrow.  
“It’s probably just another card. I’ll open it with the others when I get home.” I said dismissively. She chewed her lip.  
“I’d agree…but it says that, and I quote, “this card must be read by Frank Iero on the date of his 18th birthday before he comes into school. Failure to do so will ruin everything ever.”” She said, laughing and tossing me the envelope. I thanked her for breakfast again, and put the letter next to me, forgetting for a moment that it was even there. In fact, it was only when I stood up to get ready and it fell on the floor that I remembered it was there. I tore open the paper and looked at the words scrawled messily across the paper.  
 _“Frank. I hope this doesn’t ruin our truce. Just wanted to say happy birthday, and to wish you all the happiness in the world. You truly are one in a million. Yours, as always, G.”_  
I must have read the note a thousand times before I shakily placed it next to me. If the words didn’t give it away, the handwriting definitely did – I’d seen his messy handwriting a thousand times before. There was no stamp, so I guessed that he must have hand delivered it…meaning that he was outside my house. My breath caught and I snatched the note up again, reading it over and over, trying to memorise the curve of each letter. That little fuck. I chuckled to myself and managed to tear myself away from the note for long enough to get ready, and to lay my masquerade costume on my bed, ready for when I came home.  
I debated leaving the note behind, but I decided that it might be more entertaining to bring it with me, and shoved it into my jacket pocket.  
I raced downstairs, taking the stairs two at a time, and only stopped to give my Mom a hug and a kiss. She patted my hair down on the side of my head and sighed.  
“God, you’re all grown up…” she said, her eyes filling with tears. I laughed and kissed her on the cheek.  
“Don’t worry, I’m still the same little shit.” I grinned. She laughed.  
“That’s true. You’re also going to be a late little shit if you don’t get a move on.” She said, pushing me towards the door. I hugged her again, and then raced out the door, realizing that I only had 10 minutes to walk the 15 minute distance to school.  
  
As soon as I crossed into the school, I was leapt on by all of my friends and tackled to the floor.  
“Happy birthday Frankie!” they shouted almost in unison. I wrestled them off, laughing and breathless.  
“Wow, you guys shouldn’t have.” I scowled, but broke out into a grin. They pulled me through the hallway, chanting almost incomprehensible things, but everyone seemed to get the message that it was my birthday.  
  
“Tonight” Joe said, as we sat down in Math class, “is going to be beastly. Booze, chicks, and cool as fuck costumes? What better way to spend your birthday, eh Frank?” he said, nudging me. I laughed and nodded, although I could definitely think of a better way to spend my birthday. I chewed my lip and brushed my fingertips against the note that was tucked away in my pocket. I didn’t have English at all today, so I’d have to go confront him about it at some point during the day. That is, if I resolved that I was actually _going_ to confront him. Right now, I was stuck between needing answers and wanting to keep our façade going.  
Surely, though, if he was so intent on staying away from me, he wouldn’t have written me a note and fucking hand-delivered it, would he? I put my head in my hand and tried to focus on my _current_ teacher – although, with very little success. It didn’t help that I hated math. Math on my birthday was even worse.  
“D’you think I’ll get laid tonight?” Joe whispered.  
“What was that, Mr. Peters?” my teacher snapped. I snorted and leaned away from him.  
“Uh. Nothing, Miss. Just commenting on how beautiful you look today.” He said smoothly, and I choked trying to hold in my laugh. I think if she could have given him the finger, she would have at that very moment. He looked at me and winked, leaning back in his chair. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled down at my desk. For the first time since receiving the note, something other than Mr. Way was making me smile. And that was a very, very good thing.  
  
Two hours filled with Joe trying to make me laugh (and succeeding, but only after he made a complete ass out of himself) later, and I found myself standing, once again, outside Mr. Way’s classroom. The note seemed to be burning a hole in my jacket pocket as I waited for him to dismiss his class.  
One by one, the kids, a couple years younger started filing out, giving me odd looks as they did, as if, because I was older than them, I came from an alien planet. I scoffed at the idea, and looked up to see Mr. Way sitting at his desk, his head buried in a book, again. I’d never realized before how much he enjoyed reading. I cleared my throat to announce myself, and his face lit up.  
“Frank. How’re you doing?” he asked. He moved as if he was going to stand up, then decided to stay sitting down. I stepped into the classroom and shut the door behind me, making sure we had complete privacy. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but his mouth still formed a smile. I took a deep breath, and then removed the note from my pocket.  
He knew what it was the second I pulled it out – I could tell by the way his face dropped. Still, I slid it over to him, and he humored me by opening and reading it.  
“What, so I can’t wish my students a happy birthday anymore?” he snapped, sliding the note back. I sighed and leaned on his desk.  
“I just…don’t understand. I thought we had an agreement.”  
“We do!” he exclaimed. He stood up then, and leaned on the corner of his desk, so he was next to me.  
“Then what’s this? It’s…not what we agreed to.” I whispered. I didn’t want these words to be coming out of my mouth, but I knew I had to say them. He shrugged.  
“I thought you’d like it.” He murmured. I felt my heart swell in my chest, and hysterical laughter bubble out of my throat, earning a glare from him.  
“You think this is because I didn’t _like_ it?” I laughed. He blushed and looked down.  
“Well, what is it then?” he asked quietly. I sighed. I’m not 18 for even a day yet and already I have to act like the adult.  
“It’s just that things have been going so well. I feel like we can actually interact without the weirdness. Don’t you?”  
“It was never weird for me.” He said coldly. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder, not caring if it was pushing it or not.  
“You know what I mean.” I sighed. He stood up and paced the floor in front of me for a moment, before turning towards me suddenly.  
“There’s something you’re not considering.” He said, staring into my eyes.  
“What’s that?” I asked, my voice weak. He moved forward so the backs of my legs were pressed against the table, and his body almost completely covered mine. His face was only inches from mine, and I could feel his breath on my face, could almost taste him on my trembling lips.  
“Maybe it’s not as easy to stay away from you as I thought it would be.” He whispered. As he said it, he pulled my legs so they were open and wrapped them around his waist, smirking as he did.  
God, I’d missed that smirk.  
Without even thinking, I brought a hand up to touch his face.  
“Mr. Way…sir… we can’t.” I gasped. He raised his eyebrows in feigned innocence.  
“I’m not doing anything.” He murmured, sliding his hands down so they were on my waist, pushing me down towards him. I moaned despite myself.  
“Please, we’ll get in trouble.” I gasped. He laughed, but stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck.  
“I’m happy one of us is mature.” He grinned, but it was darkened somehow, and I realized that he was genuinely disappointed. I reached out to hold his hand, but he pulled it away, smiling sadly still.  
“Sorry about the note. I’ll be more professional in the future.” He murmured. I chewed my lip and sighed.  
“The note was great. I loved it.” I said softly. He looked up and gave me a half smile.  
“Thanks. You should really go.” He said, gesturing to the door with a limp hand.  
“Okay. Yeah.” I said, forcing a smile.  
“Happy Birthday, Frank.” He said, his eyes lighting up a little. I smiled back and left the room, feeling even more confused than when I’d entered it. But then, what did I expect?  
  
I didn’t see him again for the rest of the day, and I regret to say that I barely noticed. With my friends constantly buzzing about the party, I was way too excited to think about him. Now that we were actually coming up to it, I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t this excited about it before.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to ride with us, Frank?” Joe asked. I smiled and nodded.  
“Yeah, my Mom wants to spend some time with me before the party, so I guess I’ll just see you there.” I said brightly. They accepted this, and carried on talking about their party plans, which I listened to more out of excitement than interest. Honestly, I didn’t care much for seducing random girls (or any girls. Or guys. Or anyone who wasn’t Mr. Way, at this point), but it was laughable that they thought their plans would work. I was just relieved that none of them involved drugging them – they weren’t that low, after all.  
  
‘Quality time’ with my Mom consisted of me opening presents and cards. I didn’t get much in the way of money, but I did get a new phone from my Uncle, which I was pretty pleased with. We spent a lot of time getting it set up and moving my contacts over (I still had the same number), and agreed that I could just use my old phone as an emergency one. Feeling brightened by this already, I ran upstairs and changed into my masquerade costume. It wasn’t anything special, just a tux with a black eye mask, but I thought it made me look pretty cool. Besides, there wasn’t anyone I wanted to impress there, was there?  
Feeling darkened for the first time since speaking to him, I reached into my pocket for the note, and realized with a start that it wasn’t there.  
Fuck.  
I pretty much overturned half of my bedroom trying to find it, and shredded the inside of my school bag. Still, I couldn’t find it. My hands shook as I sat down on my bed and considered my options. Worst-case scenario, I’d dropped it and one of my friends had found it, and I’d get grilled for it. That wasn’t so bad, I could just lie my way out of it, saying that it was from some girl.  
But then, would they give it back? The idea of watching someone throw it away or tear it up made my chest ache. That note was proof that he and I were real, that I still meant something to him. I ran my hand through my hair and groaned. I’d have spent more time looking, but a glance at the clock told me that my time was pretty much up. Feeling slightly nauseous with nerves, I walked downstairs, kissed my Mom and thanked her for everything, and made my way to school, feeling slightly less excited now that I had yet something more to worry about.  
  
The nerves subsided almost as soon as I reached the school, and made way for pure delight. The school hall was, as it was every year, decked out in Halloween decorations, with blood, guts and skeletons smeared across every wall – I couldn’t ask for a better birthday party if I’d tried. Near the far wall there was a table laden high with snacks, reminding me that I’d, in light of realizing that my note was gone, had forgotten to eat. I made my way over and picked through the offerings of candy and cupcakes available. There was alcohol too, but I figured I’d wait until I saw my friends to actually start drinking – I wasn’t much for alcohol anyway.  
I scanned the groups of people, trying to pick out someone I recognized, and was actually impressed to say that I couldn’t. I wasn’t even sure who was a teacher and who was a student. Normally, the theme for these parties is just general Halloween costumes, but I was beginning to really warm up to the idea of a masquerade, even if it did mean that I’d probably miss my friends; though I figured that they’d know where to find me. That, or they’d just hijack the DJ’s microphone and call me up to the stage. I laughed a little at the thought.  
“What’s so funny?” a voice said from next to me. I looked up into the masked face of someone I didn’t recognize. They wore a black mask that covered their eyes and part of their nose, similar to mine, except it was made from velvet, and had white and red roses swirling around the edges. Their costume was cool too. Instead of a tux, they’d opted for a dress shirt and pants and a thin cloak that was fastened where their tie would normally be. If it weren’t for the strand of red hair sliding out from underneath his top hat, I might have actually not known who he was. I tried to remain subtle and hide my smile.  
“Just thinkin’ about someone.” I said coyly. He smiled.  
“Who?”  
“A guy.”  
“Which guy?”  
“Just a guy.”  
“Is he hot?” he asked, not looking at me. I was glad the mask covered most of my cheeks, so he couldn’t see the way I blushed.  
“He’s gorgeous.” I murmured. ‘The man’ chewed his lip, and I saw his shoulders shake as he held in a laugh.  
“What’s so funny?” I retorted. He smirked (oh yeah, it was _definitely_ him) and turned so he was facing me.  
“Nothing. I’m just thinking about someone.” He said softly, his mouth quirked up in a small smile. The way he said it sounded so much more serious than I had, and it made me blush even more. God bless face masks.  
“Is he hot?” I teased, trying to diffuse some of the tension. His gloved hand emerged from his cloak and stroked my face gently with the back of his hand.  
“Understatement.” He purred.  
“You should try and find him.” I said, my voice weak. He dropped his hand and slid it into his pocket.  
“I could say the same to you.” He smiled. I raised an eyebrow, unsure if he could actually see it or not.  
“I can’t. He made it very clear that he wasn’t coming.” I said, narrowing my eyes.  
“Maybe he just said that so some of the more promiscuous girls wouldn’t get the wrong idea.” He said, tilting his head to the side.  
“Maybe that idea sucked balls.” I teased.  
“Or, maybe it was a great idea, because now the guy doesn’t need to be so careful.”  
“It might be a good idea if they didn’t have an understanding.” I sniffed. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him roughly.  
“An understanding which I have already expressed my feelings about.” He snarled.  
“What feelings would those be?” I said, feigning innocence. He smirked and pulled me yet closer to him, bringing his lips to my ear.  
“That it would be impossible for me to even try to stay away from you for another minute.” He breathed, sending shivers to every inch of my body. He pulled away and took a step back, his face solemn.  
“Try harder.” I said curtly, taking a step back from him. Of course I didn’t want him to actually try to stay away from me, but I loved watching the fire build up in his eyes, even through that damn mask. Truth be told, he was easy to get fired up, and the results were more often than not completely satisfying, if not a little bit confusing.  
“If that’s what you want.” He said, surprising me. He gave me a polite bow and turned away, strutting confidently further away from me. I couldn’t do anything but stare as he approached one of the girls across the room, who probably couldn’t have seen the exchange between us. Within moments, I saw her face turn red as she batted her eyelashes at him, and felt that jealousy under my skin again. To make matters worse, he spun on his heel so he was facing me, gave me a nod and a smirk, and turned back to her, his cloak shielding them both from me. I turned back to the table and sighed. Well, fuck, that didn’t work out as I’d hoped. I eyed a bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the bar and, after showing my ID, helped myself to a generous amount of it. I wasn’t much of liquor drinker, but I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to see my friends at this point, but I still didn’t want to miss out on drinking.  
And besides, it’s not like I was going to have any fun now, right?  
  
He came back, of course. That didn’t really surprise me. I was outside in the courtyard, still nursing that same glass of Jack when he came and sat next to me.  
“Satisfied?” I snapped. He laughed bitterly.  
“I was only teaching you a lesson.” He said softly.  
“That being?” I retorted. He pushed my neck so I was forced to look at him, as he stared back with an intense gaze.  
“If you want to play with fire, I will burn you. I’m not your lover, I’m not your boyfriend and I’m certainly not your _bitch_. Any attempts to manipulate me are therefore pretty redundant. Don’t think for a second that I need you.” He sneered. I gasped lightly and nodded, turning away.  
“’m sorry.” I mumbled. He sighed and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to him despite my protests.  
“I never know how far is too far with you until it’s too late.” He sighed again, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down my arm. I could have asked him to clarify, but I didn’t want to. I wanted what I thought I understood to be true.  
“You’re very important to me.” He said, confirming it, almost as if he’d read my mind. I let out a relieved breath and he smiled.  
“You always have. Not just now but even back when I first met you: just some lonely kid who got bullied and used to ask me for help with his homework. I always felt protective of you.” He said, leaning his cheek on my head, which I rested on his shoulder.  
“I thought you were an asshole.” I murmured, and he laughed.  
“You still think I’m an asshole.” He said, pulling away and looking at me right in the face.I pursed my lips, trying to hide a smile.  
“I appreciate the misty-eyed rhetoric, but I thought you were pretending to be someone else.” I reminded him.  
“Do you want me to be someone else?” he said, his voice dropping, becoming huskier.  
“That depends.” I smiled, chewing my lip. He raised his eyebrows, encouraging me to continue.  
“How likely is it that I’ll get fucked by this ‘someone else?’” I asked, feeling risky. He smirked and ran a hand up my arm.  
“Very likely.” He whispered, the sound going straight to my dick.  
The moment was perfect, and because of that alone, something had to go wrong. It started with one or two raindrops, and quickly became a torrential rain.  
“We should go inside.” He laughed, gesturing to my clothes that were becoming soaked. Just as I agreed, two of the supervising teachers ushered everyone who was outside to come inside. I was amused and relieved to see that they didn’t recognize Mr. Way as he held my hand tightly and pulled me in after him.  
  
We ended up standing against the back wall of the hall, watching everyone else milling around and socializing around us.  
“Where are your friends?” he asked suddenly. I shrugged – I’d forgotten them until now. He chuckled and slid his arm around my waist, his hand resting limply on my hip.  
“Frank!” called a girl I didn’t recognize. She wore a tight blue dress and a white mask. Her blonde hair fell in long ringlets , and I wished I could remember her name, but I couldn’t, so I just smiled in greeting.  
“I didn’t realize you were coming.” She said. She was obviously drunk, whoever she was.  
“Um, yeah.” I said, a little awkwardly. She stumbled forward a few feet and landed in my arms, giggling like a child.  
“I’m so clumsy.” She laughed, but then stopped abruptly, reaching up to touch my face.  
Mr. Way realized what was happening before I did, and interjected.  
“You’re drunk.” He said simply. She glared at him, stumbling to her feet.  
“Who even are you?”  
“Gee.” He replied without missing a beat.  
“I don’t know you.”  
“You don’t really know Frank either, do you?” he said, tightening his grip on my waist, almost possessively.  
“He’s cute though, why can’t I kiss him?” she pouted. Mr. Way (er, Gee?) laughed and reached up to run a hand through his hair, but stopped himself when he remembered that he was wearing a disguise.  
“Because I don’t like to share what’s mine.” He said simply. If she understood what he meant, she didn’t show it, as she gave him the finger and stumbled away. Even after she was gone, though, his hand didn’t move from my hip with an almost bruising grip.  
“You can let go of me.” I said softly. He glared at me with that familiar fire in his eyes.  
“No. I meant what I said, Frank. I don’t share.” He said, his voice cold. My heart raced in my chest at his possessive tone, and even more when his face softened and he gave me a lopsided smile.  
“I’m being too much again, right?” he guessed. I shook my head.  
“No…God, no. I like it.” I admitted, feeling myself blush.  
“You’re beautiful.” He murmured.  
“What’s your name?” I asked suddenly. I wasn’t even sure where it came from, the question just burst out of me. He laughed.  
“I don’t want to tell you.”  
“Why, afraid I’ll say it in school?” I teased.  
“Yes, actually.” He said.  
“What if I promise I won’t?”  
“Nope. You don’t have very good self-control. It would be a disaster.” He chuckled. I gasped in mock horror.  
“I do too have good self-control!” I insisted. He raised an eyebrow and pushed me against the wall, one arm across my chest, keeping me in place, the other holding my wrist above my head. His mouth was almost brushing mine.  
“Don’t kiss me, and I’ll tell you.” He murmured, the movement of his lips almost causing them to touch mine. This was beyond unfair. I could taste him, could feel his hot breath in my mouth, and, most importantly, I could feel his erection pressing into the soft flesh of my thigh. Did it really matter if I knew his damn name? I almost gave in, but the self-satisfied smirk on his dumb face kept me going. I couldn’t let him win.  
“I bet you taste so good, sweetheart.” He purred, rutting his hips up into my thigh.At any other time, I’d be afraid of us getting caught, but compared to the other couples in the room, Mr. Way and I were PG-13.  
“Taste me then.” I challenged.  
“Okay. You can’t do anything back though.” He said, his eyes laughing. I groaned, but was interrupted by the warm wetness of his tongue flicking out and licking my bottom lip. Shit.  
“Sir, please.” I whispered urgently. He moaned and rolled his hips into me again.  
“I was right, honey. Taste so good. C’mon baby boy, just kiss me.” He moaned gently.  
“Fuck you.” I said, gritting my teeth. He beamed and took a step back from me, and I was sad to feel the pressure go.  
“Okay, you win.” He said, still smiling. I grinned back at him.  
“So, what is it, Rumplestiltskin?” I teased. He pursed his lips, then shook his head.  
“Later.” He said, holding my hand.  
“Fuck you.” I groaned. He smiled.  
“Later.”


	7. The great pumpkin, Frank Iero (OR Happy Birthday, Frankie part 2)

I did see my friends, at one point. Chris was talking to the girl in the blue dress, who was crying, and Joe was whispering what I could only assume were words of ‘encouragement’ to Chris (who, in his defense, was probably just trying to comfort her).  
“Looks like I made your girlfriend cry.” Mr. Way pointed out, grinning smugly.  
“Not my girlfriend.” I mumbled.  
“Sure she is. Go on, Frankie, why don’t you let her suck your dick to make her feel better?”  
“You’re a child.” I said, rolling my eyes (although I was aware he couldn’t see me).  
“No, I’m jealous. There’s a difference.” He said matter-of-factly. I tried to not let the confession throw me off.  
“Is there?” I teased.  
“Yes. If I were being childish, I’d call her names and make you promise you wanted me more. If I was being jealous, I would be constantly reassuring myself with the fact that I’m going to fuck you later.”  
“And you’re doing the latter?” I said, my voice trembling. He stopped abruptly and slid a single finger down my cheek, smiling fondly.  
“Only if you want me to.” He whispered, cupping my cheek.  
“Do I have to decide now?” I said weakly. He laughed and shook his head.  
“Of course not.” He smiled, and resumed walking, still holding my hand proudly in his. To my surprise, we didn’t get approached by anyone else, so I assumed that my costume couldn’t be _that_ bad.  
“So what changed?” I said suddenly.  
“You change the topic of conversation really frequently and really dramatically. Has anyone ever told you that?” he replied.  
“Um. No.”  
“Oh. You do. It’s adorable. Anyway, what changed when?”  
“Our agreement. Why is this okay now?” I asked. Despite being overjoyed at how things worked out, I still needed answers. He owed me at least that.  
He thought about it for a moment before replying.  
“I’m assuming you want me to be brutally honest, here.”  
“I do.”  
“Okay. I got sick and tired of masturbating over you.” He said bluntly. I stopped walking and stared at him, wide-eyed.  
“What?”  
“Every night it was me just imagining you. Remembering when you touched yourself in my classroom, or that time you were staring at me in the lunch hall, or all of the damn times that you look at me like you’d jump me right then and there if you could. You drive me fucking crazy, Frank. It just got to the point where I couldn’t keep doing it. I mean, it hasn’t been long, I know, but that one week was bad enough, and I can’t do that every week until you leave. I need you, Frank. You can have no fucking clue about how much I want you.”  
“So you’re risking your job, and my education, and both of our potential futures, so you don’t have to fantasise about me anymore?”  
“Jesus, Frank, when you say it like that it sounds bad.” He laughed nervously.  
“It’s a bit bad.” I said, mostly teasing. He slid a hand over the curve of my ass, squeezing lightly.  
“It’s not all that bad. Try to imagine what it felt like for me, okay? So, I’ve got this adorable kid in my class, who I’m a little bit fond of, and who I want to protect from all the bad things in the world. Right, okay? “  
“Okay.” I said, laughing.  
“Now imagine that, over a couple years, this kid grows up into a decent guy, who doesn’t really get picked on anymore, and who has the worst temper ever, but I’m still fond for him. _Now_ imagine that kid, who has grown up to be miles and miles more attractive than any other kid his age, staring at you like he wants your cock inside him that very minute while you’re innocently trying to read To Kill A Mockingbird to your class. That, though, that was fine. It was just…you know, weird, but it was fine. But then when that damn kid keeps fucking staring at you, and you can’t decide if you prefer the light in his eyes, or the way you imagine his lips would look around your cock, that’s when things get…not fine. So, the next day, you come in and decide to flirt a little bit. Harmless, as far as you’re concerned, until it’s not. Until that fucking kid pushes you over the limit and it takes all of your physical restraint to not fuck him right then and there. And then, even after you’ve warned him that you will do just that, he _still_ keeps fucking pushing it. So, you do the rational thing – you touch yourself while thinking about him every night, so that you can bear to see him the next day without dry humping him the minute he walks into your classroom.” He said, the words flowing beautifully out of his lips, the way they do when he’s reading. I chewed my lip for a moment.  
“Oh, right.” Is all I could manage.  
“Understand?”  
“I do.” I said. He took a deep breath.  
“I’m glad you understand.” He said, surprisingly cool.  
I didn’t speak. I couldn’t, I just kept thinking about all the times I’d fantasized about him, and wondered if he was thinking about me then, too. It made a sliver of excitement rush through me.  
“Call me next time.” I said abruptly. He laughed like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.  
“Okay, Frank. I’ll just call one of my students next time I’m rubbing one out and let them know.”  
“Yes.”  
“That’s ridiculous.”  
“No it’s not. No one will know.”  
“They will.”  
“They won’t. I have two phones. I’ll just use one as my ‘Gee’ phone.” I said, getting genuinely excited about my idea. He smirked.  
“You called me Gee.” He said. I blushed.  
“Um, yeah. I mean, you said it earlier. I assumed it must be like a nickname.”  
“An abbreviation.”  
“So your name begins with G?”  
“Gerard.” He said smoothly. I smiled at the sound of it.  
“Gerard.” I repeated back to him. I liked the way the letters seemed to fall off of my tongue.  
“C’mon honey, you can practice saying my name at my place.” He teased, pulling me in close to him and curling his arms around my waist. He buried his face in my neck and planted soft kisses along my skin, and I couldn’t do anything but just hold him to me.  
“Gerard.” I breathed.  
“C’mon baby, say my name. I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say it.”  
“Gerard, please.”  
“That’s it honey, you’re so good for me.”  
“Gerard. Gerard. Fuck me, Gerard.” I moaned softly into his ear, so nobody else but him could hear.  
“Frank. Baby, please.” He replied, his voice hoarse.  
“Take me home with you. Please Si-Gerard. Please, I want it. I want you.” I pleaded, feeling certain that this was what I wanted.  
“Baby, no.” he whispered, his voice sad, as he continued to pepper my skin with soft kisses.  
“Why? You told me you wanted me.” I gasped, stuck in the awkward limbo between aroused and disappointed.  
“I want you. Baby, I want you. I can’t though. Not right now, just give me time” he said, still not pulling away.  
“What about earlier? You said you wanted to –“  
“And I do. And I promise I’ll be thinking about you – and that – all night. But baby, please. Don’t make me do this.” He groaned into my skin.  
“Make you?” I said, slightly hurt. He looked me in the eyes, biting his lip.  
“Yes. Because I want this so much it hurts, and if you keep pleading with me like that, I won’t be able to keep saying no.” he explained.  
“Why are you saying no?”  
“Because I’m still your teacher, Frank. This doesn’t change that, and I can’t risk that for you, or for me.” He whispered, stroking my cheek. My lip trembled.  
“When?”  
“The day you graduate, you’re mine.” He vowed. I groaned. That was still 8 months away. He smiled sadly.  
“I’ve disappointed you.”  
“A bit.” I admitted. He pulled me further into the corner we were standing in, so we were completely hidden from view.  
“Two days from now, and I have a lesson with you, don’t I?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay. I promise you, no matter how I act, or what I say or do, that during that whole lesson, I will be thinking about nothing but you, and how beautiful you are, and how I want you. Not just sexually but…everything. I want all of you.”  
“You can’t be certain.”  
“I am certain.” He said, his eyes without a trace of doubt in them.  
“Okay.” I breathed, not sure what else I could say.  
“We still have tonight though.” He said, his voice dropping back into its seductive purr, “ and I don’t intend to waste a second of it.” He pushed me to the wall, his hands resting on my hips. He rested his forehead against mine and wrinkled his face like he was in pain.  
“What’s wrong?” I breathed.  
“I really, really want to kiss you.” He moaned.  
“I want to kiss you too.”  
“It doesn’t seem like the right time, does it? For our first kiss?”  
“I don’t care. If I can’t have all of you…you have to give me something.”  
“We’re in too deep, aren’t we?”  
“A bit.”  
“Regrets?”  
“None. You?”  
“Too many.”  
“Kiss me.”  
“Hm?”  
“Kiss me.”  
“What was that?”  
“Gerard, fucking kiss me.”  
“Make me.” He purred, smirking at me. Nervously, and somewhat believing that I was dreaming, I let my hand slide to the back of his neck, my other hand on his chest.  
“This is really weird.” I laughed.  
“It’s crazy.”  
“We shouldn’t.”  
“Let’s not, then.” He whispered, putting his hands on my jaw and pulling me forward so his lips were just touching mine. It was me, unsurprisingly, who wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him in closer, as he grabbed more of my face and deepened the kiss, his mouth moving against mine urgently, like he didn’t know when he’d get to do this again.  
Of course, when I realized that he really _didn’t_ know when he’d get to do this again, I pressed my lips even harder against his, pulling him closer so I was literally trapped against his hot, sweaty body and the cold, solid wall.I could feel myself running out of air, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away until I absolutely had to, gasping for air. He beamed at me, panting from arousal and lack of air.  
“Think it’ll be worth the wait?” he asked.  
“Yes.” I said with unwavering confidence. He smiled coyly and reached into his pocket, producing a lined piece of paper that I instantly recognized, feeling a wave of relief as I saw it clutched in his thin fingers.  
“You left this with me. I figured I’d make some adjustments before giving it back.” He said, pressing it into my hand. Without hesitating, I unfolded it and grinned at the phone number that had been added to the bottom of the page.


	8. Don't call me, I'll call you.

Two days. I had to wait two days to see him, to see if he kept his word. His note was hidden in my drawer, and the number underneath. He said I could call him any time between 6 and 10 in the evening, any night, and that he’d always answer if he could. Now it was 7:38, and I wiggled my thumbs over my phone screen, willing myself for the 30th time to just type in the damn number, but I couldn’t. Not him. Not now. I tossed my phone on my bed and groaned, burying my face in the pillow. I missed him. It hadn’t even been 24 hours since I’d last seen him, and I missed him like fucking hell. I replayed the moments over and over in my head – specifically, when he kissed me. Or when I kissed him. I couldn’t remember who started it; I just knew that I’d done it. I finally fucking kissed him. Sure, it was less than I wanted (needed, at this point), but it made me feel warmth that nothing else had ever made me feel. Don’t misunderstand me, I still wasn’t head over heels for the guy, but I did know what he meant when he said he had a certain fondness for me.  
My phone buzzed and I grabbed it, heart racing, and then frowned. It wasn’t him, just some telemarketer. I looked up at my bedroom ceiling, wondering how I was going to last this whole weekend without him.  
My friends were kinda mad at me because I didn’t try to find them at the party, and even more mad because they heard I was making out with someone, and I wouldn’t tell them who. I can’t say I blamed them, but at the same time, I couldn’t exactly tell them the truth about Gerard and I. _Gerard and I._ I said his name again softly, under my breath, and grinned. It was beautiful and unusual, and I couldn’t imagine him having any other name.  
Somewhere, at the back of my mind, him telling me that he wasn’t my lover or my boyfriend nagged at me, but I dismissed it – it’s not like he really meant much of what he said at those times. Did he?  
I grinned – I think I had my excuse to call him.  
  
Even with my excuse, it still took me 15 minutes and 6 tries to actually call him and stay on the phone. He answered on the third ring, and used his ‘teacher voice’.  
“Hello?”  
“Mr. Way? It’s –“  
“You’re the only student who has my number, so yeah, I know who this is.” He said, but he sounded amused. I smiled.  
“I have a question.”  
“I’m guessing it’s not a homework question.” He sighed.  
“We had homework?”  
“Jesus Christ.” He laughed.  
“Anyway. I was wondering about a couple things.”  
“Ask away.”  
“At the dance, you said that you weren’t my-“  
“I remember.”  
“Did you mean it?”  
“Well, yes.”  
“Oh.”  
“I’m not though.”  
“I just thought…”  
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“It’s fine.”  
“Frank.”  
“It’s really fine.”  
“Don’t-“  
“The other thing.”  
“Okay, fine. What’s the other thing?”  
“Does your threat still stand?”  
There was silence for some time on the other end, and I grinned, forgetting, for the moment, the bitter rejection I’d just received.  
“Remind me of the threat.” He said, his voice husky. Oh God.  
“You said that if I misbehaved again-“  
“That wasn’t my wording.”  
“You said if I wasn’t careful, then you’d drag me up to your desk and fuck me in front of the whole class.”  
“Oh, I think I remember that one.”  
“Is it still standing?”  
“What makes you think that it’s not?”  
“So it is?”  
“Why don’t you try to push it on Monday and I’ll let you know.”  
“Would you do it, though?”  
“Do you think I would?”  
“No.”  
“Really?”  
“Will you?”  
“I have nothing to lose.”  
“Except everything.”  
“It’d be worth it.”  
“I don’t believe you.”  
“Fine. Don’t. Remember what I said about playing with fire, Frankie.”  
“I miss the fuck out of you.”  
“I miss you too.”  
“I wish I could see you.”  
“You can, technically.”  
“What?”  
“I live alone. So you could.”  
“But?”  
“But I’d be too tempted.”  
“To do what?”  
“To fuck that tight ass of yours, sweetheart.”  
“Gerard.”  
“I need to get off.”  
“The phone?”  
“Nope.”  
“Do it then.”  
“Not with you listening, you have homework to do.”  
“Asshole.”  
“Bye, Frankie.”  
“Fuck off. Bye Gee.”  
The phonecall had been…educational, for lack of a better term. I’d found out that Gerard was not, in fact, my boyfriend. I also found out that he would definitely probably fuck me in front of my classmates if I wasn’t good. I found out that he lived alone. Oh, and I found out I had homework to do for him. I wondered vaguely in the back of my mind if I could talk him out of it. Hands still shaking, I called him again. He answered right away.  
“Baby.”  
“If you let me off from doing the homework, I’ll give you a blowjob.”  
“No. Homework.”  
“I’ll wear really tight jeans to school.”  
“Do that, yes. But no, also do your homework.”  
“I’ll let you fondle me in any way you want for a whole week.”  
“You’ll do it any way.”  
“Go fuck yourself.”  
“I’m trying.”  
“Come fuck me.”  
“I’m trying. You won’t graduate if you don’t pass English.”  
“You better make sure I get the grades then.”  
“Exactly. Do your homework.”  
I hung up on him, beaming like an idiot and actually reaching for my English book. He was right, as much as I hated to admit it – if I didn’t pass English, I’d have to graduate later than everyone else, and that meant more time that I couldn’t be with Mr. Way. I chewed my lip as I looked down at the task I’d written down in a hurry; something indecipherable about talking about the strength of relationships between characters. I smiled a little bit at the irony, and then, for the first time all year, I actually got to work.  
  
He called me just as I was finishing my essay.  
“How’s the homework?”  
“Almost done.”  
“Good.”  
“Is that why you called?”  
“No, but the real reason is embarrassing.”  
“Now you have to tell me.”  
“Don’t laugh.”  
“I can’t promise.”  
“Asshole.”  
“Tell me.”  
“My bed is cold.”  
“That’s not embarrassing.”  
“No. The embarrassing part is that I’m calling you so I can pretend that I’m not alone.”  
“That’s cute.” I said with a smile. He was silent for a little while.  
“I’m not cute, piss off.” He said, and then hung up. I turned my phone off, after that, because Mr. Way seemed like the kind of person that would call me at 2am to tell me about some irrelevant facts, and as much as I loved hearing his voice, I couldn’t deal with anyone breaking my sleep, even him.  
Well. Maybe him.  
  
 _Somehow, nobody in the room noticed the way I was rubbing myself under the table, or the way his eyes looked at me hungrily, daring me to keep going._  
“If you keep this up, I’ll have to punish you, Frank.” He said sternly, but I couldn’t stop, the need building up inside me. He rose from his desk and walked towards me smoothly, his face expressionless as he grabbed me by the arm and hoisted me to my feet.  
“I’m a man of my word.” He sneered as he dragged me to his desk, pushing me down so I was flat against the polished wood. The rest of the class continued their work, other than Chris and Joe, who stared at me, judging me. I felt dirty and immoral, my heart racing in my chest.  
“Don’t look.” I pleaded with them, but their eyes never left me. I was naked suddenly, with Gerard’s thick cock pressing against me.  
“N-no. Don’t. It’s gonna hurt.” I whimpered. He kissed my shoulders, stroking my hair gently.  
“I won’t hurt you.” He vowed as he pushed into me, and to my surprise, it didn’t hurt. Not even a little bit. I moaned as he fucked into me, his hands holding my waist tightly.  
“Mine.” He growled, biting my shoulder.  
  
The dream left me feeling confused and dizzy and very, very hard. I found the latter slightly surprising, because the dream had been somewhat uncomfortable and troubling, but I supposed that any situation in which Mr. Way was fucking me (or standing within a mile radius of me) would make me hard. I turned my phone on and noticed that it was 1am, and way too fucking early to call him. Even though my cock was throbbing where it lay against my stomach, and my throat was dry from need, I couldn’t possibly call him. It would be insane.  
I successfully convinced myself to not call him, even though I knew I’d have preferred to hear his voice right now. Instead, I pondered the other part of my dream- the one involving my friends. I knew what it meant, of course. I felt guilty for standing up my buddies and for lying to them. As much as I couldn’t tell them the truth, I could at least apologize. I resolved that I’d spend the day with them tomorrow, and tell them as much as I possibly could (that is, everything that didn’t involve me getting fucked by our English teacher). I grabbed my phone (my new phone, that is), and send a group text to both of them, saying that I was sorry, and that I wanted to hang tomorrow. Unsurprisingly, Joe, who was somewhat of an insomniac, replied almost straight away, saying that he wasn’t mad at me, but that he did want to hear all the gory details.  
Chris, probably having been woken up from our texts, said that he wasn’t mad either, but that he really didn’t want to hear any details if they were gory. I assured them that there was plenty of gore to be heard, and fell asleep; feeling reassured that I hadn’t accidentally fucked things up with two of the most important people in my life.


	9. With friends like these (OR How old is too old?)

I felt slightly better when I woke up the next morning, having sorted stuff out with the guys. I gave both phones a quick check and, after seeing nothing, stumbled downstairs for breakfast. Mom wasn’t up yet, which was fine by me – it meant I didn’t have to put on pants. I grabbed myself a pop tart and a glass of orange juice and returned back to my bedroom to get ready, drinking and chewing as I went. I wasn’t doing anything special today, just playing videogames at Chris’ house, and we might hit the skate park for a bit. I pulled on ripped jeans and a plain black t-shirt. At some point, while putting my lip ring in, my Mom poked her head in the room and smiled, wishing me a good day, and then went about her business as normal. I found this particularly ironic, as not even two minutes after she closed the door, my phone rang.  
My old phone.  
  
I nearly fell over trying to answer it, but did, just in time.  
“Gerard.” I said, breathlessly. I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he replied.  
“Good morning.” He said warmly.  
“What’s going on?” I asked, checking the clock. I’d need to be at Chris’ soon, but I couldn’t risk leaving my room while on the phone to Gerard, just in case.  
“I was just checking that this was definitely your number before I put it into my phone.” He explained. I was a little disappointed, but understood.  
“Oh, okay.”  
“I need to give you a nickname. What do you want?” he asked. I laughed.  
“Call me Mr. Sexy.” I teased. He laughed.  
“How about I don’t?”  
“I don’t have a preference, then.”  
“Okay, what about Vampire Boy?” he laughed. I chuckled, but agreed that it was pretty accurate.  
“Right, see you tomorrow then.” He said, hanging up. I slid my new phone into my pocket and, after deliberating for a moment, slid my old one into my other pocket, just in case.  
  
Joe was already at Chris’ place by the time I got there, and I stammered an excuse, before I realized that they weren’t bothered that I was late, but rather, were both staring at me with wide smiles, expectantly.  
Oh yeah.  
I sat down on Chris’ bed and ran my hand through my hair.  
“So, what do you wanna know?” I sighed.  
“Everything. You promised me gore.” Joe said immediately. I laughed.  
“Okay, so I guess I’ll start from the top. I got there a bit late, as you know, and couldn’t find you, so I went to get a drink, and was approached by this…” I said, then trailed off. I’d never mentioned to the guys that I was gay, and wasn’t sure how they’d react.  
“This guy.”I said finally. They nodded, waiting for me to continue, and I fought back a smile at their immediate and immutable acceptance.  
“Okay, so we got talking and…yeah. Made out.” I said, shrugging. Chris smiled politely, but Joe frowned.  
“You promised gore.” He pouted, causing Chris to hit him playfully on the arm.  
“He doesn’t have to tell us.”  
“He does.” Joe disagreed.  
“It’s fine.” I laughed, launching back into my story.  
“Well, while we were talking he was…uh, talking about how much he wanted to…um…fuck me.” I said, shifting uncomfortably. Both boys stared at me, mouths wide-open.  
“Did you do it?” Joe said urgently.  
“No…it didn’t seem right.”  
“What was he like?”  
“He was gorgeous, from what I could see. Just…I don’t know. Beautiful.”  
“Aw, Frankie.” Chris said sarcastically, and I flipped him the finger.  
“Could he kiss?”  
“Fuck yes.” I laughed.  
“I guess we can forgive you then.” Chris snickered, and I beamed at him appreciatively. He turned around to continue playing his video game, while Joe came to sit next to me, putting a hand on my arm.  
“Dude, next time, get dick okay?” he said seriously.  
“It’s fine, I’m happy to wait.” I said happily. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.  
“No exceptions bro. If a guy ever offers it to you again, you grab that dick and never let go.” He said, and I couldn’t help the fit of hysterical laughing that I fell into.  
“So who is he?” Chris said, not turning around. I breathed deeply a few times to calm my giggles, and wiped the tears from my eyes.  
“Who?”  
“Your guy. Who is he?”  
“Oh. Um. I don’t know. I never found out.” I stammered. Chris turned around, and both he and Joe gave me looks of pure horror.  
“What? I wasn’t really thinking about-“  
“We have to find him.” Joe said.  
“No, it’s fine.” I said, blushing.  
“No way, Frank. We’ll help you find this guy at school tomorrow.” He vowed.  
“He might not go to our school. Maybe he was a plus one.” I said. Joe nodded.  
“True. We’ll just go over the guest list then, and deduce who it might be.” He said, determined. I felt my stomach drop. If they looked too deeply into things, they might be able to find out who my ‘mystery guy’ was, and I couldn’t deal with that.  
“I don’t even really want to find him. It was just fun.” I said quickly. Joe smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.  
“Well, we’ll help you have even more fun. Don’t worry, Frankie, we won’t stop until we find this guy.”  
Shit. Shit. Shit.  
  
I excused myself to the bathroom a short time after that, using the time to call Mr. Way and warn him that my friends were going to be playing detectives. He didn’t answer straight away, and I got worried – after all, it’s not the times that we’d agreed to.  
He picked up, though.  
“Frank?”  
“Um, hi.” I murmured, feeling nervous.  
“What’s going on?” he asked, sounding tired.  
“Did I wake you up?”  
“Huh? Oh, no. I was just marking papers.” He explained.  
“I just wanted to let you know that uh, Joe and Chris are hell-bent on finding the ‘mystery guy’ I was at the dance with, and since that was you, I thought you’d want to know.” I said quietly. He chuckled.  
“I appreciate the warning, but I’d like to think I’m careful enough that two kids 20 years my junior couldn’t find me if I didn’t want them to.” He said reassuringly. I wasn’t listening though – I’d just realized something.  
“You’re 37?” I asked, incredulous. He paused.  
“Yes…is that a problem?”  
“No. I mean, you look, uh. Younger.” I said, shuffling awkwardly on the spot.  
“Have I put you off?” he asked, his voice sounding amused.  
“No. I mean, I’m surprised because, um, you could actually be my Dad.” I said, only realizing how it sounded when the words poured out of my mouth.  
“Well, that’s a risk you have to take when sleeping with your teacher, isn’t it?” he sniffed. I sighed.  
“Forget I said it. I was just surprised.”  
“Yeah, it’s fine. S’ya tomorrow.”  
“Okay, bye.” I said, hanging up and feeling like an asshole. Of course I knew he was probably a lot older than me, but I never realized how much older. It didn’t put me off, but it did make me feel a little bit weird. I mean, he was older than my _Mom._  
I tried not to think about it as I walked back into Chris’ room and saw that he and Joe had switched places, and he now sat on his bed, reading a Geology textbook. Boring. I pulled out my old phone (trying to be discreet), and sent Gerard a quick text to apologise, and to say that I still found him attractive, but turned my phone off after that, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the questioning when he replied.  
“So, Frank, your mystery guy. Do you remember anything about him?” Joe asked suddenly.  
“Uh, not really. His face was pretty much covered, you know?”  
“Hair colour?”  
“Nah, couldn’t see.”  
“So it could be anyone. Literally anyone.” Joe sighed.  
“It’s fine, we’ll just look through the guest list tomorrow and narrow it down from there.” Chris reassured him. I groaned.  
“Guys, please don’t.” I grumbled.  
“Dude, you need dick. As your best buddies, we’re going to get you some dick. End of story.” Joe snapped.  
“I don’t need dick.” I sighed, falling backwards onto the bed.  
“Yes you do. We didn’t even know you liked dick, that’s how much you need it.” Joe laughed.  
“I knew.” Chris interjected.  
“Dude!?” Joe said, pausing the game and turning around. I raised my eyebrows.  
“What?” I said, sitting up. He laughed.  
“Dude, you literally check out Mr. Way’s ass every time he walks. Every. Single. Time.”  
“I don’t.” I said, blushing.  
“You totally do, bro” he laughed.  
“Well. I could do worse.” I said, laughing breathlessly. Chris and Joe both nodded.  
“That’s true. He’s a bit old though.” Chris said wrinkling his nose. I groaned and fell backwards again, covering my face with my hands.  
  
I remembered to turn on my phone only when I was already halfway home. I had three messages from him, and none of them seemed particularly happy.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(11:46am)**  
No need to apologize.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.**  
(11:49am)  
Actually, yes need to apologize. You’re an asshole.

**FROM: Gee.**  
(11:56am)  
That was harsh. Sorry. I’ll just stop now.  
  
I sighed and typed out a quick message asking if it was okay to call him, and, when he didn’t reply after 5 minutes, decided to do it anyway.  
“Speak up, my old ears aren’t what they used to be.” He said in greeting.  
“Shut up. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“Well. I am old, though.”  
“No you’re not.”  
“Yes I am. I’m 20 years older than you.”  
“19.”  
“Don’t be an asshole.”  
“Sorry.” I sighed.  
“You don’t have to-“ he began, then stopped himself. I chewed my lip.  
“What?”  
“I’m just saying, I don’t expect anything, you know? Just…I don’t know. If you ever want to do stuff with someone else…younger…that’s fine.” He said weakly.  
“Stop being such a fatalistic ass.” I snapped, offended at his assumption. It took me a few moments to realize that he’d hung up. That ass.  
I tried calling him back, but it just went straight to answer phone. I sighed and shoved my phone back in my pocket – for someone older than me, he sure could be a fucking child sometimes.  
  
I didn’t hear back from him all night, even though I tried to call him and sent him several apologetic texts. I was surprised at him – he usually didn’t take stuff like this seriously, or at least he’d let me explain myself. Surely he could see where I was coming from? I wasn’t upset by his age, it’d just surprised me because he looked so youthful, and was so energetic. To be honest, though, 37 wasn’t even _that_ old – it’s not like he was in his 50s. I sent him one, final message telling him just that, before I gave up and fell asleep.


	10. Heads down.

As far as I knew, Mr. Way was still angry with me because of our ‘confrontation’ the day before. He hadn’t replied to any of my texts or even bothered to call me back. That was fine with me – maybe I’d actually get some work done in his class today.  
Granted, these last few weeks he’d been good at not distracting me, and I thought I’d become more productive, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous to see him for the first time since the dance. It almost seemed like it was another person, and I wasn’t sure that the words were true after he took the mask off, as stupid as it seems. Now, however, was not the day that I was going to get answers because, as I already explained, he was acting like a 12 year old.  
  
I was walking to school, the building in sight, even through the fog, when I got his text. At first, I thought it was my normal phone vibrating, but when I realized it wasn’t, a chill ran up my spine that had nothing to do with the cold. I was tempted to ignore it, but I thought that, since I had him first lesson, it might be less awkward if I at least read what he had to say.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(8:16am)**  
Come to my room 10 minutes before class, please. We need to talk.  
  
My heart hammered in my chest and I felt my hands shake as I slid my phone back into my pocket. Shit, had I really upset him that much? I could understand why it was a sensitive subject, sure, but ‘we need to talk’? Surely I didn’t deserve that. Those words were, in my mind, reserved for cheaters and backstabbers and someone who slaughtered your family in front of you, and certainly not for someone who made an innocent comment. My plan to ignore him caved as I found myself pulling my phone out and texting him back.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(8:19am)**  
What 4? Am I in trouble????  
  
He responded almost instantly.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.**  
(8:20am)  
Yes.  
  
I gulped, feeling suddenly hot despite the cold. It couldn’t be that bad, right? It’s not like we were dating, so he could dump me. The worst he could do is say that he didn’t want to be doing…whatever it was that we were doing anymore. I guess that’d be okay. I mean, I’d survive, even if it made my English lessons a little bit awkward.  
Well, more awkward than they were going to be anyway. I was almost certain that making out with and essentially getting dry humped against the wall by your teacher was enough criteria for his lessons to be awkward, you know, just a bit. The school got closer, and my footsteps got heavier as I felt myself slowed down by the shaking in my legs. I could barely stand, let alone walk, I was so fucking nervous and I didn’t even know why. I willed myself to keep walking, reminding myself that I was supposed to be in school five minutes from now, and that if I didn’t get in on time, I wouldn’t have time to talk to Mr. Way before the lesson started, and then he’d _definitely_ be pissed. I sped up a little bit.  
  
As it happened, I ended up outside his door at exactly 8 minutes before my lesson with him started, my legs still shaking, and my hands sweating so much, it took me a couple tries before I got the door open.  
He didn’t look up when I came in, but I knew he’d heard me. I closed the door behind me and walked slowly over to his desk. He looked more disheveled than I was used to, his hair rumpled and sticking up in places, and soft bags under his eyes. I chewed my lip, feeling guilty.  
After what seemed like a life time, he rolled his head up so he was looking straight at me with his tired, bloodshot eyes.  
“Are you okay?” I said quietly. To my surprise, he smiled a little and nodded, rubbing his eyes.  
“Yeah. I had some stuff to do last night. Didn’t sleep.” He said, his voice gravelly.  
“Oh. You wanted to talk to me?” I said, trying to get him to jump straight to the point. He raised his eyebrows and nodded, as if he’d forgotten.  
“Yeah, I did. Kind of.”  
“Kind of?”  
“Well, Frank, as you probably know, you hurt my feelings yesterday.”  
“I’m-“  
“No. Don’t apologise. You’re absolutely right. You’re young and energetic, and I’m an old man.”  
“No you’re not.” I said softly.  
“I am. But that doesn’t mean for a second that I can’t keep up with you. What it does mean, though, is that you owe me a certain degree of respect.”  
“I do respect you.” I pointed out. He smiled.  
“How much?”  
“Um…a lot?” I said, feeling uncomfortable. Why was he asking me this? He paused for a moment, his eyes flicking to the clock, then back to me.  
“Do you get a sense of…surrealism when thinking about Friday night, Frank?”  
“Yeah, I do. I mean, now that I’m seeing you…it seems like it never happened.”  
“I overstepped quite a few boundaries that night.” He said solemnly.  
“It’s okay.” I interjected. He smirked, and even though he looked exhausted, it was still enough to set my heart into overdrive.  
“I wasn’t apologizing.” He said curtly. I chewed my lip, waiting for him to continue.  
“Did I make you uncomfortable?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. I shook my head.  
“No. I wanted it. Every second of it.” I said, trying to make up for upsetting him. He reached out and dragged a finger down my cheek.  
“I know.” He said, smiling softly (made even softer by the fact that he looked like he was ready to fall asleep any second).  
“Would you have wanted us to…continue things further that night? If I’d allowed you to?” he asked, lowering his voice. I gulped and laughed nervously.  
“Yes. Yes, Gerard, of course.” I breathed.  
“I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to call me that, do you?” he asked, his voice stony, but his eyes glittering.  
“Sorry.” I murmured. He dropped his hand.  
“We’re running out of time. I was going to be more…ceremonious about this, but I think I’m going to need to hurry this along.” He said, the side of his mouth twitching.  
“Sir?” I asked hesitantly.  
“Frank, because of your generally offensive behavior, and the fact that I don’t quite think you believed me about my threat, you won’t be sitting in your normal seat during class today, but in a rather special one that I’ve prepared for you.” He said coolly. I felt my heart accelerate in my chest. Oh God, what was he going to do? He rolled his chair back from his desk and gestured underneath it. It took me a moment or two to realize what he meant, and when I did, I staggered back, my mouth dropping.  
“Ge-Mr. Way. I can’t. I can’t…not with the whole class here.” I said, panic rising in my throat. He leaned back in his chair and smirked.  
“You don’t have much choice, do you? You had the audacity to insult me, Frank. You have to be punished for that.” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. I shook my head. My best friends would be sitting right there. What if someone saw? He pulled his chair back up to his desk and smiled at me, his face red. Oh my God, he was adorable.  
“Yeah, it was a dumb idea. It’s okay, you don’t have to.” He said, and my heart swelled.  
“No, it wasn’t. And I mean, I deserve it for what I said. I just…what if someone sees?” I stammered, aware that my time was running out.  
“They won’t.” he said confidently, his eyes piercing mine. My breath hitched.  
“Fuck.” I breathed, walking closer to him. His eyes lit up.  
“Are you sure? Once you’re down there, you’ll have to be really careful. I mean, no making me…uh…you know. Too excited. And you have to be quiet. Really, really quiet.” He said, all pretence of dominance lost. I laughed and, feeling brave, kissed him gently. It felt really, really weird doing it when there wasn’t a mask to hide what I was really doing, but I liked it. He smiled at me and pulled me in for another quick kiss before I ducked under the desk. There was just enough room for me to sit cross-legged underneath it, or to sit very low down on my knees (which, I assumed, was his intention).  
“You okay, sweetheart?” he murmured, reaching a hand under the table and stroking my cheek. I kissed his hand.  
“I’m fine.” I breathed. And I was. As scared as I was, I knew that it would be almost impossible for me to be seen, and I couldn’t deny the rush of adrenaline coursing through me at the very thought of what we were going to do.  
I hadn’t heard the bell, but soon I heard people filing in, and saw shoes from the small gap between the bottom of the paneling on the front of the desk and the floor.

“Good morning guys.” Mr. Way said, his voice bright. I heard some people mumble ‘good mornings’ in response. 14 pairs of shoes later, and I heard someone approaching the desk.  
“Good morning Katie.” Mr. Way said, sounding tired; I tensed from underneath the desk, waiting for what she had to say (and, from my knowledge of her, it couldn’t be anything I’d want to hear).  
“We missed you at the party on Friday.” She said, and I snorted, earning myself a sharp kick from Mr. Way. How rude.  
“Sorry, I had…other engagements.” He said coolly.  
“Probably out with your girlfriend or something, right?”  
“Um. Yeah, something like that.” He said, shifting his foot slightly closer to me – a warning, I was sure.  
“Right” she said, sounding disappointed. There was silence for some time, and I thought that maybe she’d walked away, when she started talking again.  
“I found the homework really difficult. Could I maybe stay after class so you could explain it to me?” she asked, the sickly sweet sound of her voice making me want to vomit.  
“Y’know, I really would, but I’m actually going to have my hands quite full after class today.” He said, and I could almost imagine the smirk on his face as he said that. I let my hand creep slowly up his thigh to show my approval of his statement, and he entwined his fingers with mine.  
“Oh. That’s fine.” She sniffed, and I heard the sound of her heels clicking away from us. Mr. Way let the other hand that wasn’t holding mine drop under the table and run through my hair, almost as if he was petting me. I felt my dick twitch at the motion.  
  
Too soon, he removed his hands from me and put them, I assumed, on the desk above my head.  
“So, how did everyone find the homework?” he asked. I heard a faint grumble, followed by his laughter.  
“Aw, it couldn’t have been that bad. If you’d actually read the synopsis I gave you, or you know, the actual book, you’d have been fine with it. If you found it difficult, that just shows me that you haven’t been taking the course seriously,” he said in his firm, teacher’s voice that sent a tingle through my spine. I ran my hand up his thigh, stopping just as I reached the pronounced bulge in his pants. He sighed, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of me, or because of the class’ indifference to his teaching.  
“In all fairness sir, we weren’t given very much time,” said a voice that I recognized as Chris. I froze, feeling guilt wash over me. As if he could read my mind, Mr. Way’s hand dropped and starting running soothingly through my hair again. He considered this for a moment.  
“What if I gave you today’s lesson to finish it, then?” he said calmly. I heard the class titter with agreement, and felt his gentle laugh.  
“Okay, fine. I’m here if you need me for any help, but uh, try not to need me, okay? I’ve got stuff to do.” He said, sounding like he was joking, but tightening his hand in my hair as he spoke. The class agreed, and I soon heard the vague sounds of bags unzipping and books being placed on desks as my classmates prepared themselves to start working.  
I took the opportunity to have some fun. After all, being stuck under a table for an hour wasn’t the best arrangement in terms of entertainment. However, being stuck under a table for an hour, on your knees, in front of your very attractive teacher who probably wouldn’t mind one bit if you sucked his dick, was certainly an entertaining prospect.  
I started being somewhat merciful, just sliding my hand across his thighs, and digging my nails in slightly as I dragged them down his leg. He responded by moving his legs slightly farther apart – an invitation. I leaned in and pressed small kisses to his trouser-clad thighs, smiling when he put his hand in my hair, stroking me softly. He let his hand slip down my face until he was cupping my cheek, his thumb swiping past my lips occasionally. I assumed that he didn’t drop his other hand down because he was pretending to be writing. Smart. My kisses slowed as I got to the top of his thigh and I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if he’d even let me do it, and waited for him to give me some sign that it was okay.  
I got that sign in the form of a pen dropping from his desk, followed by him crawling under the table to ‘retrieve it’. I knew we couldn’t speak, so I just smiled at him, and he smiled back.  
“I want you.” He mouthed, cupping my cheek and pulling me close to him, kissing me gently, so as not to make a noise. The classroom was far from silent, what with everyone talking, but we still needed to be careful. Though, that didn’t stop me from holding the back of his neck closer to me, kissing him deeper, loving the way his tongue slid over mine, and the soft velvet of his lips danced along my skin. He pulled away, his eyes shining.  
“You’re so bad.” He mouthed again.  
“I know.” I responded silently. He kissed me swiftly one last time, before resurfacing.  
“Damn pen.” He mumbled, pretending to get back to his work. Feeling reassured, I leaned forward and slowly unzipped his pants, hearing his breath hitch slightly as I did. I smiled, praying that he’d be able to control himself enough to stay quiet. He moved his thighs apart and slid his hand slowly down his body, taking a fucking age to reach where I so desperately wanted him to touch. I found a momentarily entertaining bit of irony: that we were suddenly right back where we started but in different circumstances, yet with the same thought – I really, really wanted Mr. Way to touch his dick.  
  
Eventually, his hand grazed his growing ‘problem’, and he, with some effort, slid his pants and boxers down far enough that he could take his cock out. I couldn’t do much more than stare at the sheer size of him. And I don’t mean that in a cliché, over-sexualised way, either. I mean the guy was huge. I wasn’t entirely surprised, admittedly, because even before I wanted to fuck his brains out I’d noticed the fact that he constantly looked like he’d shoved a banana down there. I was, as silly as it sounds, pretty intimidated as I slid forward, putting my hands on either side of his thighs. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. My classmates, including my best friend, were sitting only feet away from me, and here I was, about to gag on my teacher’s dick like a cheap whore. He dropped a hand once again and threaded it through my hair, showing his impatience and I slowly brought my mouth to him, trying to take as much of him in as I could. He grunted above me, and his hand froze in my hair. He was still for a moment, before he pushed his hips slightly forward, shoving him deeper into my mouth. Even though I knew that, since the whole class was making quite a bit of noise (Mr. Way was a little bit too distracted to tell them to shut up and focus) it was unlikely that they’d hear anything, I was still worried.  
I moved my head back slowly, running my tongue along his shaft and around the sensitive skin at the tip, hearing his breathing become harsh and jagged, his hand tightening in my hair. I couldn’t even believe what I was doing. This was so outside what I would normally be comfortable with, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable or nervous, I just felt incredibly safe and aroused. I took him back in my mouth, building up a smooth rhythm as I licked and sucked his thick cock, tasting his precum as it dripped onto my tongue. Jesus Christ.  
“Guys?” he said suddenly. I let go of his dick and waited patiently to see what the fuck he was doing.  
“Do you mind if I put the radio on?” he said. Some students grunted an approval, and he quickly shoved himself back inside his pants, zipped up, and walked away from the desk, over to the small radio at the side of the room. He brought it back to the desk and turned it on, probably louder than needed. That smooth fucker.  
  
I grinned as I helped him pull his pants back down, feeling eager to taste him again and licking a long stripe along his length the moment I was able to. He grunted again, but this time didn’t stop, safe in the knowledge that nobody was listening, or could hear.  
I nearly missed the note he dropped onto the floor, but when I saw it, I saw two words that made my heart skip.  
“ _I’m close.”_  
I felt more motivated, and moved my head even faster and rougher, trying desperately to get him off. Even from under the desk, I could hear how hard he was trying to stay quiet, and the small whimpers of pleasure that escaped his lips when he failed.  
Another note fluttered to the floor next to me.  
 _“Sweetheart. Unless you want me to cum in your mouth, you should stop.”_  
I stopped momentarily, just to tease him, then slowly began moving again, rejoicing in the soft gasp of surprise he gave. I built up pace gradually, feeling his cock hit the back of my throat, almost choking me. I was past caring though, and so, apparently, was he, as his hand tightened in my hair, pushing my face down even harder on him.  
  
And then he was finished. He squeezed my hand to warn me, and then my mouth was flooded with a hot, sticky liquid, and I felt his cock throb between my lips. He gave a strangled moan, which he strategically turned into a cough. I swallowed and leaned against his legs, trying not to pant too hard. He stroked my head softly again.  
It was while we were like this that the bell rang. I heard Mr. Way dismiss my class, and waited until the very last person had left the room, before he pulled his chair out and helped me out from under the desk. He put a hand on my cheek and smiled.  
“You’re wonderful.” He breathed, kissing me, then looking in my eyes again, stroking my cheek gently with his thumb.  
“So exceptional. My exceptional boy.” He murmured, pulling me close to him and hugging me like the world would end if he let go.


	11. Worst-case scenario.

Despite what happened, I still had other classes that I needed to get to, so as soon as I could (that is, as soon as I tore myself from Gerard) I ran to my Math class, apologizing as I stumbled in the door and dropped into the seat next to Joe.  
“Dude, where were you in English?” he hissed, but before I could respond, our teacher told him to shut up, and I’d never been so grateful for it in my life. At least now I had a bit of time to concoct an excuse.  
I could tell you that I tried to concentrate on my work, but I’d be lying. In fact, I was quite happy to just spend the whole lesson thinking about what had just happened. The way he moaned and whimpered, trying to keep himself quiet, but not being able to keep composed because of me. _Because of me._ It seemed almost ridiculous that someone like me could have that kind of effect on someone like him, but there it was. My eyes drifted to Joe, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work out an equation, and I smiled, feeling hysterical laughter threaten to bubble up and out of my throat, only just managing to keep it in. I imagined what would happen if I told him where I really was in English. He’d be shocked, but he’d most likely get used to it. That, or he’d skin Mr. Way alive. It could go either way. Of course, I wouldn’t tell him, or anyone. I couldn’t risk it because people finding out would mean that I’d get kicked out of school and probably bullied for the rest of my life, while Gerard faced getting fired, being unable to work as a teacher ever again, a nice cozy place on the sex-offenders list and a nice long stay in prison. I blanched at the thought and rubbed my temples to try and erase it from my mind, but it wouldn’t go. I felt a feeling of dread make its way up my legs and into my stomach, making me feel nauseous.  
“Iero? Are you okay?” asked my teacher. I hadn’t realized, but at some point she’d walked over to me, and was standing by my desk, looking genuinely concerned.  
“Um. Yeah. Headache.” I stammered, feeling shaken.  
“You look pale.” She said, tilting her head. I shook my head, making myself even dizzier.  
“No ‘mfine.” I said, my tongue thick. I could still taste Mr. Way on my tongue, and in my paranoid state, I worried that she could smell him on me.  
“Go to the nurse, Frank.” She said, softer than I was used to from her. I nodded and stood up, the room spinning as I did. I caught Joe’s eye and gave him a weak smile as I staggered to the door.  
  
Oh God. I’d ruined everything. We were going to get caught, and he was going to be thrown in prison, and it was all because I couldn’t keep my fucking dick in my pants. I sunk to the floor, covering my eyes with my hands and trying to breathe deeply, but it wasn’t working. My whole body trembled. I’d pretty much ended his life to feed some damn fantasy. He should hate me. Hell, he probably did, somewhere in the back of his mind. The wall behind me was cold, and I tried to lean my aching head against it to ease the pain, but no relief came. I just felt sweaty and scared and pathetic. I gasped for air, but it was like there was a belt tied tightly around my chest, stopping me from breathing.  
Legs shaking, I got myself to my feet. Despite knowing it wouldn’t work, I thought I should probably see the nurse. She’d been helpful when I’d had panic attacks before, and maybe she’d let me sleep for a couple hours on the bed in her office. With that in mind, I forced myself to walk to her room, congratulating myself for managing to keep my breakfast in my stomach.  
I made it to her room in one piece, more or less, and the second she saw me, she ran over and helped me over to the bed.  
“It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these.” She laughed, concern apparent on her face. I smiled back, remembering back when I had the biggest crush ever on her. It was ironic, I guess.  
“I just need to lie down. I said, my eyes shifting over to the bed. She grinned.  
“That’s fine, Frankie. Just sleep and you can go back to class whenever you want. I assume you don’t want me to call your Mom?” she said, her red lips pulled into a smile. I nodded and dragged myself onto my bed.  
“Thanks, Tina.” I murmured, feeling my eyelids slide closed. After all, panicking over whether or not you’ve ruined a man’s life was pretty exhausting.  
  
I woke up bleary eyed but no longer feeling sick. That’s what mattered, I suppose. Tina spun on her chair and smiled at me, and I was struck with how attractive she was, her orange hair cut into a perfect bob, her make up precisely applied. Of course, she didn’t hold a candle to Mr. Way.  
“How are you feeling?” she asked, tilting her head. I smiled and sat up, accepting the water she handed me.  
“Yeah, a lot better. Sorry, I freaked out.”  
“Want to talk about it?” she asked. I smiled.  
“No, it’s okay.” I said. She nodded and spun back to her desk.  
“Uhm, what time is it?” I asked.  
“If you leave now, you’ll make it just in time for the end of your fourth lesson. Or you could stay for fifteen minutes and leave at the beginning of lunch.” She said, her perfectly arched eyebrow rising. I chuckled and lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. We didn’t speak for the rest of my time there, but it was okay – I was used to it. I spent a lot of time the year before, lying here and listening to the gentle tapping of her polished nails on the keyboard. I chewed my lip as I thought about last year and all the times I’d had to leave Mr. Way’s class because of my panic attacks. He must have been so worried about me, and I didn’t even bother to come back and let him know I was feeling better, I just got out of there. Even worse, I thought of all the times I’d sat for half an hour extra in Tina’s office so I didn’t have to go back to his class. I covered my face with my hands. Sure, things were different back then, but I still felt so bad. He told me he’d always felt protective of me, and I didn’t give a shit about him at all until like a week ago. I was definitely a terrible person.  
“Oh, Frankie?” she said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts.  
“Hm?”  
“Your English teacher emailed me. I guess someone told him you weren’t feeling well, but he asked me to make sure you were okay.” She furrowed her eyebrows. “It’s not like him to be so concerned about how other people feel.” She murmured under her breath, her voice curt. I raised my eyebrows and suppressed a laugh – I’d definitely be asking him about that another time.  
“Uh, I missed his class this morning because I was sick so, uh, I guess he just wanted to see if I was better.” I said with a shrug. She nodded and turned back to her screen, closing her email from him without replying. Ouch. I wondered for a moment why he didn’t just text me, but I realized that he probably didn’t want me to know he was worried about me. I looked down to hide my smile.  
The bell rang and I picked up my bag.  
“Thanks for everything.” I said with a grin. Tina squeezed my shoulder.  
“No problem Frankie, come back whenever you have to.” She said, and I smiled again as I left the room.  
  
By the time I got down to lunch, Chris and Joe were already sitting down. Mr. Way, however, was not.  
“Dude, are you okay?” Joe said. I grinned.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t feel too well.” I shrugged.  
“Is that why you weren’t in English?”  
“Yes.” I said, almost too quickly. They didn’t seem to notice though.  
“We didn’t really do much anyway. Mr. Way seemed kinda sick.” Chris said.  
“Oh, right.” I said.  
“Yeah, it was totally gross. He looked like the walking dead and kept breathing all heavy. It was like sitting in a zombie movie.” Joe laughed, and I choked on air, coughing roughly. A hand came down softly on my back.  
“Maybe try chewing before swallowing next time, Iero.” Came a cold voice from behind me. I spun around and had to try to hide my smile.  
“Yeah, I will. Thanks.” I mumbled. He cocked an eyebrow.  
“Care to explain why you weren’t in class today?” he said coolly. Damn, he was a good actor.  
“I wasn’t feeling good. I spent a lot of the morning gagging.” I said, wrinkling my nose.  
“Well, I’m glad you feel better.” He said, then walked off, over to his usual seat, I assumed. I didn’t look though, for fear I’d make things too obvious.  
“This is what we mean.” Joe said. I raised an eyebrow.  
“You stared at his ass so bad, dude.” He laughed. I blushed and looked down.  
“Fuck off.” I murmured.  
“Speaking of Frank looking at ass, look what we got!” Chris announced, waving a piece of paper in my face. Grabbing his wrist and forcing him to stay still revealed that it was the list of everyone who was at the dance that night. A further scan of it revealed that Mr. Way wasn’t on the list. I smiled at him, pretending to be grateful.  
“Thanks, Chris.” I said, hoping he’d drop it. He didn’t, though. He went into a whole damn battle plan of how they were going to go through each name and narrow it down. I wasn’t even listening, because my phone vibrated. I didn’t even need to check which one.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:36pm)**That was risky. “Gagging” isn’t a phrase you’d normally use in conversation, is it? ;)  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:37pm)**  
They didn’t notice. Too busy trying to find out who my mystery guy is.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:38pm)**  
I hope you weren’t sick because of me, sweetheart.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:39pm)**  
Of course not. I loved it. I just felt a bit panicky. All good now.  
  
He didn’t reply to that one, and I looked up to see that he was inspecting me, like he did that first day. I blushed under his gaze and he smiled a little bit. Not massively, nothing more than a twitch of his mouth, but it still comforted me.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:46pm)**  
Tell me.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:47pm)**  
Not now. I’ll call you tonight.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:49pm)**Fine. I want you to lick the inside of your mouth. Can you still taste me, sweetheart?  
  
I put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from gasping, and when I looked up, he was looking at me intensely from under his eyelashes, his teeth caught seductively on his lip. Jesus Christ, he was going to kill me.  
I obediently licked the inside of my mouth and looked at him, nodding. He pressed his lips together and dropped his eyes down to the table. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until I got another text.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.**  
(1:52pm)  
So hot. I’m glad you feel better, sweetheart. I was worried about you. Please let me know next time you feel panicky, okay? Need you to be okay. <3  
  
I looked up and nodded, grinning like a fucking idiot. He smiled back, looking at me like I was a damn piece of art in a gallery or something.I could understand the feeling – I looked at him like that all the time – I just didn’t know what he saw in me. He was a gorgeous, confident grown man, and I was an awkward, dorky teenager. I tried not to think it about it too much, though – it’s not like I was complaining. He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing.  
“Stop staring at me.” I mouthed, and he laughed. Not even quietly, either, but a loud, flamboyant laugh that I could hear even from where I was sitting, and that caught the attentions of several of the people sitting around him. He blushed and looked down, still peering at me from under his bangs, and I smiled back fondly.  
“Dude, are you even listening?” Chris said, smacking my arm. I jumped.  
“Ow. No, sorry. What was that last bit?”  
“Oh God. Okay, we’ve narrowed it down slightly by removing all of the girls from the list. Joe and I are also removed because I’m like 99% sure I didn’t try to fuck you – sorry, dude.” He said, holding his hands up defensively. I laughed and ran a hand through my hair, purposefully ignoring the red-haired menace sitting just in the corner of my eye (and was still fucking staring at me. Jesus.)  
“Okay, we also crossed off all the guys who have girlfriends.” Chris explained, and I nodded, watching the names get crossed off one by one. I had to hand it to them, if I was actually looking for a mystery guy, they’d be the guys I’d go to.  
“So, now we have a list of about 13 guys that it could possibly be.” Joe said.  
“My lucky number.” I murmured, and they smiled.  
“So, we were gonna create some ‘anonymous’ surveys and hand them out to each of the guys, where we’ll ask really leading questions, and then work out who your guy is.”  
“What if they lie?” I said. Joe shrugged.  
“We’ll do somethin’ else. Don’t worry, Frankie. We will get you some dick.” He said intensely, and I laughed, feeling a rush of adoration for my friends.  
“Don’t try too hard, okay? I’m fine with being…uh, dick-less.” I mumbled.  
“We’re not, so you’re getting laid and that’s the end of it.” Joe said curtly and I nodded, smiling.  
“Okay, sorry.” I mumbled, and the boys snickered. I thought our conversation was over, when Joe grabbed my arm.  
“Dude, not to make you cream your pants or whatever, but Mr. Way keeps looking at you.” He murmured. I flicked my eyes up and saw that, of course, that asshole was staring at me. I rolled my eyes at Joe, who just sniggered and turned back to talk tactics with Chris.  
“Stop.” I mouthed to the smug bastard on the table in front of me.  
“Can’t.” he replied with a shrug.  
“Why?”  
“You’re beautiful.” He mouthed, and I blushed. Damn him. He laughed softly at my response (or lack of), his shoulders shaking softly. Asshole.  
  
I had barely walked in my front door at the end of the day when my ‘Gee’ phone rang. I rolled my eyes – I swear that phone rang more than my normal one (as depressing and pathetic as it sounds). I let it ring, and instead dropped my bag in my room and made myself a quick snack. I knew that he was calling to ask why I was sick earlier, and I fully intended on telling him the truth. Having decided that, however, meant that I needed to be as comfortable as possible before answering the phone, meaning that he had to wait a little bit.  
Once I’d taken my shoes off, changed into my sweatpants and a hoodie, and had eaten my snack, I finally answered the phone on his third try calling me. Persistent, much?  
“Hey Gee.” I said softly.  
“Hey, you.” He said, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice – my heart melted at the sound.  
“Feeling better?” I asked. He was silent for a moment.  
“I could ask you the same.” He said solemnly. I laughed airily.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. I told you, I just got a bit worked up.”  
“From what I heard, it was pretty bad.” He said softly.  
“Who told you?”  
“I have my sources.” He murmured. I was silent for a few moments.  
“I used to get really worried about you, you know. All those times you had to leave my class…I just felt so helpless. Like, there was nothing I could do to comfort you, so I just had to let you leave, and I didn’t even know until the next day or whatever if you were okay.” He said sadly, and it hit me like a punch in the stomach.  
“I’m sorry. If I’d known-“  
“If you’d known you’d have called me a nosy asshole and told me to mind my own business.” He laughed. I didn’t have a response, so I didn’t reply, hoping I could put off saying what was on my mind.  
“So, what had you so worked up, sweetheart?” he said.  
“I don’t know if you want to hear it.”  
“I do.”  
“Okay, well then, I don’t think I want to tell you.” I said quietly. He paused for a moment.  
“Oh. Right. I’m…sorry. That was quite presumptuous of me. I get that you’ve got personal stuff going on. Sorry.” He said.  
“No, shit, not like that.” I groaned. He was silent for a moment.  
“Then what?”  
“It’s…I’m worried that you’ll agree with me.” I confessed. He laughed, but it was nervous.  
“When does that ever happen?” he teased.  
“I’m worried that someone will find out about us, and that it’ll ruin everything. I’ll be a laughing stock and will probably get expelled, not to mention disowned by all my friends and maybe even my Mom. But that’s not even the worst of it, because all I can think about is you being fired, and getting thrown in jail, and Jesus, Gee, you’re so pretty and feminine, and I just know that they’d all do horrible things to you, and then when you got out you wouldn’t be able to get a job and it would literally destroy your life. I just don’t think I’m worth all of that.” I said, feeling better as soon as I’d told him. Sure, it didn’t get rid of the problem, but it meant I didn’t have to face it alone anymore. He was silent for a long time, which was fine. I sat silently too, letting him think.  
“Frank.” He said, his voice weak and hoarse. Shit, was he crying?  
“B-babe, I didn’t mean to-“  
“I won’t let that happen. I won’t let anything bad happen to you, ever. Nobody will find out, and we’ll be okay.” He said weakly.  
“But what if they do? One small mistake and we’re done and everything is ruined. You can’t save me from everything.” I pleaded.  
“God fucking _dammit._ ” He shouted, and I heard a crash. Shit shit shit. I was silent – what the fuck could I say?  
“Frank, fucking just- shit. Just fucking listen to me, okay?” he said, his voice desperate, pleading and…shit, he was so fucking angry.  
“I’m listening.” I said softly.  
“I won’t fucking let them hurt you. Nobody will find out, do you hear me? You will _not_ suffer because of my selfishness. I won’t let it happen. This will only stay as it is as long as it’s good for you. The second it’s not…”  
“Stop.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes.  
“I can’t stop. Jesus, Frank, I can’t fucking stop. What’s the fucking matter with me? I’m nearly 40, how the fuck am I…” his voice broke off into sobs that made my heart lurch with pain.  
“Gerard, please. Don’t cry. I’m sorry. Please.” I pleaded, wishing more than anything that I could be with him, and hold him, and just make everything okay, because his damn sobbing was breaking my heart, and it was all my fault.  
“Please don’t hate me.” He breathed.  
“I don’t. I couldn’t. Gee, you’re being ridiculous.”  
“No I’m not. I’m being realistic. I’m a fucking monster. How could I even…you’re a fucking _child.”_ He groaned.  
“Stop this. What the fuck has gotten into you? You seem to be forgetting that I’m an 18-year-old consenting adult. I don’t give a fuck about what the law says, in my eyes, we’re fine, and so we are. That’s it. That’s the bottom line. Yes, okay, I panicked, but only because I was afraid of losing you and because I worry too much. We’ll be okay. Just please, stop fucking crying.” I said firmly, though my voice was wavering slightly.  
“I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. I’m just gonna get some sleep, okay? I’ll text you tonight maybe.”  
“You’re sure you’re okay?”  
“I’m fine. Talk to you later, sweetheart.” He said, but there was little affection in his voice.  
I felt ice cold as I put the phone down and the nagging feeling that something was horribly wrong refused to leave me. I put my hands over my face and took a jagged, deep breath, resisting the urge to call him back. He obviously needed time, and he promised he’d text me later, so he would. Right?


	12. I would even wait all night

I’m good at distracting myself. It’s sort of always been something that I was good at, because it was something that I needed to do a lot. When my Dad was sick, I’d go outside and sit for hours, noticing everything I could, and when there was nothing left to notice, I’d make things up. I never had any brothers or sisters to play with, but I made do with playing by myself.  
At his funeral, I counted all of the birds that flew by. There were 48.  
When I was getting bullied a few years back, I’d imagine that a giant robot would come down and smash all of their heads, or a gang of vampires would find them in a dark alley. Dark thoughts, yes, but they did the trick. I guess I’m just good at running away from things and forcing myself to feel things that I don’t. Maybe that’s why nobody knew I was gay for so long, because I wouldn’t let even me know it. The only reason they knew was because of Mr. Way, and I groaned in frustration because I’d spent the last hour not thinking about him, and now I was again.  
I’m good at distracting myself, but maybe not so much when the thing I’m running from is so good at grabbing my attention. I couldn’t say that I was surprised that I couldn’t get him out of my head – there was a lot to think about. I could think about his hair, bright red against his cool, almost white skin, framing his face and making his eyes look even darker, or I could think about the way his nose turns up a little at the end, or maybe his full lips, and the short, square teeth that lie behind them, and how they shone when he gave his cute chirpy laugh. I could think about his sharp, angular jaw line, or the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he speaks, or the rough calloused hands, or the way his hipbones jut out invitingly from under his shirt. I groaned again. There was most definitely too much to think about, and even I, master of running away from my problems was unable to think of much else. That asshole.  
  
Finding that pure distraction and imagination wasn’t working, I thought I should do something to take my mind off of him. I finished writing up the experiment I did in Science that day, and solved all of the equations for Math with very little trouble. Anxiety, it seemed, made my brain work a little better. Who knew?  
When I’d finished all my work, I turned to my Xbox for distraction. Admittedly, sitting and killing zombies while listening to Smashing Pumpkins on full blast was definitely a good distraction, but I still felt my mind drifting to Mr. Way, and his bagged, tired eyes. He said he hadn’t slept, and I didn’t ask him for any more clarification because I just took it to mean that. Of course now I realized that there was something very wrong with him, and that I’d probably made it a hell of a lot worse. My eyes flicked to my phone longingly, but it just sat there, its stillness seeming almost intentional, and I tried desperately not to imagine Gerard lying just as still somewhere. Surely things weren’t that bad. He’d have told me before now. My mind continued to wander, and I curled up in a ball on my bed to try to avoid some of the painful thoughts that were manifesting in my mind. I was prone to worrying too much, and then over-thinking situations and making them a lot worse in my head. Most likely, he was fine; sad, but fine. I could deal with that – I’d just go talk to him tomorrow. I was tempted to call him, but I said I’d give him space, and I would. I couldn’t interrupt his chill-out time just because I was freaking out.  
  
Normally, dinner would be the ultimate distraction. Just me and my Mom sitting on the couch, trays on our laps and watching TV, but, of course, that wasn’t the case today. I wasn’t even hungry, but I forced the food down so she wouldn’t suspect anything. As much as I loved my Mom, I wasn’t quite sure that I had the right words to tell her that my teacher, who was also my lover and kind of boyfriend was worrying me. That would just cause way more problems than it would fix (including, of course, the very problem that started the whole thing). So I just sat in silence, occasionally responding to her attempts at conversation. This wasn’t unusual, though, she was used to me being unsociable when there was food in front of me, and I was grateful for the silence.  
  
As soon as I got upstairs, however, I called Joe.  
“Hey, Frankie, what’s going down?” he asked. I smiled a little at his voice. It wasn’t the one I needed to hear, but it was comforting enough.  
“I just got bored, man. Nothing to do.” I sighed.  
“I feel that. Don’t worry, when Chris and I are done, you’ll never not have someone to do.” He said, laughing. I chuckled despite myself.  
“I don’t know why you guys are so obsessed with that. I’m totally fine not getting laid.”  
“We kind of owe it to you dude.” He said bluntly. I chewed my lip – I hadn’t considered that.  
“How so?”  
“Because. How long have you known you were gay?” he asked.  
“Um, gosh. Three years? Four? I don’t really know.” I said honestly.  
“See, and that whole times, all we did was talk about chicks and set you up on dates with girls you didn’t like and pressure you into feeling like you had to do stuff with them, and calling you names when you didn’t. If we’d known, we’d never have done any of that. Obviously, it’s too late to not do the shitty things we did, so we’re going to have to just make up for them, by finally setting you up with someone you _are_ interested in.” he explained. I grinned.  
“That’s surprisingly logical.” I laughed.  
“Chris thought of it.” He admitted and I laughed again – of course he did.  
“Okay, well, I’m just saying, it’s okay for you to give up if the search gets too hard. I’m perfectly capable of finding someone myself, okay?”  
“Yeah, to be honest we’ll probably drop it if it doesn’t work out with this list thing. It’s kind of the only plan we’ve got.” He said sheepishly, and I breathed a sigh of relief. At least soon there wouldn’t be anyone trying to find the skeleton that was falling out of my closet.  
“That’s cool, but I’m really grateful to you guys for doing this. It’s a really nice thought.” I said.  
“You know you could have told us any time, right? I mean, we really don’t care about that stuff.” He said seriously. I smiled.  
“Yeah, I guess it just wasn’t a big deal. Like, I just didn’t think it was important.” I shrugged.  
“Because you’re you, and you never think you’re important. You’re happy to put yourself in situations you’re uncomfortable with because you don’t think you’re worth enough to be happy, and as soon as you are, you freak out so much that you’re right back to being unhappy. You’re important, okay bro?” he said. I felt tears welling up in my eyes because Joe never said shit like that and, fuck, I really did need to hear that right now.  
“Thanks, man. I’m gonna try to get some sleep, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.  
“Yeah, bye bro.” he said, hanging up. I fell backwards on my bed, looking up at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing I’d ever seen in my life. It was already 11pm, and my phone hadn’t moved once. The likelihood of him texting me at this point was pretty low, and that thought did nothing for my nerves. Feeling slightly lightheaded, I forced myself to get undressed and ready for bed. In a final bid to hold off sleep until he messaged me, I tidied up my bedroom, putting my comics back in their place, picking my dirty clothes and shoes off of the floor, and just straightening everything out. By the time I actually got to sleep, it was well past midnight, and I still hadn’t heard anything. I sighed and pulled my covers over my head and shoved my earphones in, turning my music down so it was no more than a dull hum. I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed that sleep would come quickly. Thankfully, it did.  
  
I woke up the next morning to see a red light flashing from my Gee phone and nearly fell out of bed trying to grab it. The text both made me more worried, and feel a little bit better.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.**  
(3:46am)  
My enigmatic, exceptional darling. I don’t doubt for a second that you’ve stayed up (or at least, you’ve tried to stay up) all night worrying about me, waiting for me to text you. I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. Go to sleep, sweetheart. I promise that I’m okay now, and I’m sorry for worrying you.  
Goodnight, my beautiful boy. I’m thinking of you, as I always do, and wish you could be here so I wouldn’t be so alone.  
Sleep well. <3


	13. Do it for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-harm trigger warning. Stay safe, guys <3

If I hadn’t had English that day, I probably would have exploded. I needed to see him, because despite him reassuring me that he was fine last night, he still didn’t reply to any of my calls or texts. I sighed, trying to keep my head up and facing the board during Science while my teacher droned on about bonds and shit. Normally, I’d have been vaguely interested, at least in the practical side of things, but all I could do was watch the hands on the clock slowly slide to the next number, a whole lifetime passing between minutes. I knew I was being crazy, that he was a grown man, and he could take care of himself. I knew that even if he was in trouble, there was very little I could do to help him. I knew that this was my entire fault in the first place, so it was dumb to think I could fix anything – but still, I just needed to see with my own eyes that he was okay. Once I saw him, everything would be okay.  
Except that it wasn’t.  
  
I saw his shadow on the door before I even walked into the room, and my heart stuttered in my chest. I’d have taken a moment to collect myself, but I was walking next to Chris and wanted to seem like I was fine. We stepped into the classroom, and I subtly tried to look at Mr. Way. He seemed…fine. Perfect, actually. His bottom lip was stuck between his teeth as he scribbled on a piece of paper, his eyes squinted and focused. When he noticed everyone walking in the room, he looked up and smiled coolly.  
“Hey guys, how’re you all today?” he asked brightly, and the class responded with a unanimous mumble. He nodded, chuckled, and turned back to his paper, waiting for the rest of the class to take their seats. Once they had, he leapt to his feet and danced to the front of the room.  
“Okay girls and guys, I’m gonna take in your essays so I can mark ‘em.” He said, leaning out to grab each sheet from the students. He stopped when he got to my desk and smiled.  
“Don’t worry, Frank, I remember what you said. Just get it into me when you can, okay?” he said, surprisingly understanding for someone who was bullshitting. I nodded and beamed at him, happy to see him so bright.  
“Thanks, sir” I replied. He just nodded and continued around the room.  
“So, what I’m looking for here, guys.” He said, returning to his desk. He perched lightly on the edge, and put the papers next to him; “is just an understanding. I just need to know that you got the book. Obviously, if that’s not the case, we’ll do more work on it. I think it’s important, though, that you do read it. Not just because it’ll help you academically, but because this has to be one of the most important pieces of literature I’ve ever read.” He said seriously. Everyone nodded.A hand rose in the corner of the room.  
“Yes, Anna?” he asked, smiling.  
“I read the whole book, and I totally see what you mean. I loved it so much.” She gushed (probably lying). Mr. Way beamed at her proudly, clearly oblivious to her ass-licking.  
“Glad to hear it.”  
“You remind me of Atticus.” She said, her voice dreamy. He laughed, blushed and ran a hand through his hair.  
I was thinking, as always, that he was adorable, when I saw it. I almost missed it, but I definitely saw it, clear as day; a thin red line sneaking out from under his sleeve, curling up around the top of his wrist. As his hand slid further through his hair, the sleeve of his shirt tugged down even further, revealing several more, similar marks. Fuck. Surely, that couldn’t be what I thought it was? I looked around and, of course, nobody else had noticed. I turned around just in time to see him snatch his hand down and pull his sleeve back down, his eyes darting around the room to see if anyone had seen, and looking almost relieved when they hadn’t.That is, until he looked at me. I wasn’t sure what emotion was on my face, but it was enough for his expression to drop. His mouth quivered, like he was going to speak, but then he snapped it shut, turning back to face the class.  
“I…um. I have some sheets for you guys to work from. Jasmine, would you mind handing these out?” he said, gesturing towards a stack of sheets on his desk. The girl jumped up, obviously feeling pleased that he’d noticed her.  
“Frank…do you mind…I need to talk to you about your essay.” He said, his voice weak. I almost considered saying no, that I was perfectly happy to stay where I was, but my feet had other plans, as I found myself rising out of my chair and following him out into the hallway. I felt a cold chill running through my body, my legs shaking so much I could barely walk. He put a hand on my arm to steady me, but I tore myself out of his grasp. He nodded, clearly hurt, and kept walking.  
“Can we just-“  
“No. Not here.” He murmured, and continued to lead me through the hallways until we reached the staffroom. I snorted.  
“Are you being serious?”  
“Everyone’s teaching, it’s empty. C’mon.” he said, pulling me inside. He locked the door, then walked slowly to the sofa in the middle of the room, dropping down onto it softly. He put one hand on each knee and looked at me expectantly. I floated towards a chair and collapsed into it, my eyes looking anywhere but him.  
“Show me.” I croaked.  
“No.” he breathed. It was firm, even though his voice was wavering.  
“Gerard. Please.” I said, my eyes finally flooding with the tears I’d been holding back since I saw the stark red lines against his pale skin.  
“Why do you need to see?You saw already, you know what’s there. Why do I need to show you?” He snapped.  
“Because I have to…know what I saw. I can’t…” I said, breaking off. He stood up and paced in front of me.  
“You know what you saw. Why do I have to fucking show you? You know damn fucking well what happened, what I did. Why the fucking hell would you want to see it? _Fuck!_ ” he yelled, smacking his hand on the wall. I sat silently, tears pouring slowly down my face. He sat back down, his head hanging. I saw his hand move slowly towards his arm, sliding his sleeve up. I took a breath to brace myself, but it wasn’t enough. The lines were deep and were still slightly swollen. The thing that caught me, though, was that they were all vertical, like he’d been attacked by an animal. I couldn’t drag my eyes away, even as the image was distorted by my tears.  
“I didn’t mean for you to find out.” He said, his voice hoarse. I couldn’t speak.  
“You wanted to die.” I whispered, my eyes finally flicking up to his. He was silent and barely moved his head, but I could see that he was nodding.  
“It didn’t work.” He said, laughing lightly and bitterly. I took his hand in mine, even as it lay limp, I held on tightly.  
“I’m glad. I don’t want it to ever work.” I said, my thumb rubbing circles into his skin.  
“So far it hasn’t.” he said, his mouth twitching slightly.  
“This wasn’t the first time.” I said. It wasn’t a question, but he nodded anyway.  
“It’ll be the last though, right?” I said, squeezing his hand. He stared at me for a moment, and looked away without answering. My heart dropped in my chest. I couldn’t speak, and neither could he; until I realized something.  
“Your text. Was that meant to be your…note?” I asked softly.  
“No! Oh god, baby, no. I’d already…done it by then. I was calming down, and I didn’t want you to be worried.” He said. I imagined him, blood-soaked, shaking, crying, feeling disappointed that he hadn’t died, and still texting me to make sure I was alright. I looked away from him, my brain jumping around, refusing to make sense of what was happening.  
“Why? Because of me?” I asked, my lip trembling. He pulled down his sleeve and shook his head.  
“No. Frank, please don’t think this had anything to do with you. I’m just going through a lot, and now’s not the time to talk about it.” He said quickly, and I knew it wasn’t up for discussion. I reached out and touched his cheek gently with my fingertips, and he leaned down into the touch, his eyes fluttering shut.  
“I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” I said softly. He opened his eyes and covered my hand with his.  
“We should go back.” He said, moving to get up, his voice still dull. I realized then that nothing I’d said had sunk in. He was still sad, and still very much alone in his mind. I knew I needed to do something, but he was already heading towards the door. He unlocked it and turned, giving me a small smile.  
“Coming?” he asked. I just nodded and followed him back to class.  
  
Luckily, no one had really noticed how long we were gone, so I was able to just sit back down and try and act like nothing had happened – like my whole world wasn’t crashing around me. He was a bit more deflated now, but still made an effort to seem cheery when my classmates asked him for help. I could see him studying me in the corner of my eye, but I made an effort to not look back at him. I could feel tears threatening my eyes as it was, and looking at him would only make them spill over. I think he got the message, because he looked away eventually, going back to scribbling on whatever piece of paper he’d had before. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about him how he must have been the night before. He seemed so calm now, and it was easy to imagine that those tell-tale red lines weren’t even there. I took a deep breath to calm myself, aware that I was starting to get upset again.  
“How’s the essay going, Frank? Do you get it now that I explained?” he asked, not even really looking up.  
“Not really. I mean, I kind of get it but it’s…difficult.” I breathed.  
“Just keep trying.” He said softly. For the first time in a long time, I was actually happy when the bell rang.  
  
Sometimes, I think the universe plans things to go a certain way. For example, if Chris hadn’t ever broken his leg and been forced to partner with me in PE, we probably wouldn’t be friends. If I hadn’t accidentally looked at Timothy Collins’ ass in the changing rooms, I probably would have realized I was gay, and if I hadn’t gone to school that day, I’d have never fallen for my English teacher.  
Of course, this isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes the universe can be a real dick and cause really shitty things to happen to you. Still, I liked to think that whatever forces were controlling my fate or whatever, that they wanted me to be with Mr. Way. At least, that’s how it seemed.  
I saw him walking in the car park, which was unusual, because he’d normally have left by the time I got out; but by some chance, there he was. His shoulders were slightly slumped, and his expression looked…dead. As much as it haunted me, there was no other way to say it. He had one earphone in. He wouldn’t even hear me coming.  
Before I even knew what I was going to do, I was walking towards him. I grabbed him just as he reached his car.  
“Frank?” he choked, confused. I held his arm – _that_ arm – softly, but firmly enough to keep him close to me.  
“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Be it because of this…whatever it is we have, or just because you’re the coolest and most entertaining teacher I know, all I know is that you are the brightest thing in my life. You outshine the sun and the moon and every damn star in my sky, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You are _everything._ I hope you’re fucking listening to me, because I’m telling the truth. You are everything I have, everything I want, everything I need. Your face is in my fucking head 24 hours a day on repeat, and nothing I can do can drown out your face. And you know what? I wouldn’t want to. I want you – all of you. All the time. I know you have a lot on your plate, but you can’t do it alone. I’m here, Gerard. I’ve always been here, and I always will be. I just need you to be okay, and I need you to stay with me. You can’t hurt yourself anymore, and you can’t leave me. I’m nothing without you. And I don’t mean that in the cliché way either, I mean that an actual physical part of my body would be lost if you left me. Don’t leave me. Please.” I breathed. He just stared at me. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I knew how. I kissed him. Right there in the school parking lot. I didn’t care if anyone saw us, and I didn’t care what that could mean. I just held his face and kissed him, trying to show him that I needed him to be okay. If I could have healed him by kissing him, I’d have done it until my lips were bruised and bleeding and I couldn’t speak anymore.  
“Please.” I breathed onto his lips. He didn’t kiss me back, exactly, but he did put his hands on my hips – apparently not caring if we were caught either.  
“Frank.” He said, as if he was preparing to speak.  
“No. Don’t fucking argue with me.” I said, tears starting to spill over my eyelids. He leaned towards me, then stopped and looked around. Apparently (and much to my relief), we’d been alone that whole time.  
“Come with me.” He murmured, pulling me towards his car. I slid into the front seat and looked at him. I expected him to talk to me, or even to start kissing me, but as always, he surprised me.  
He started driving.


	14. Claim me

His jaw was clenched, his hands white on the steering wheel.  
“Where are we going?” I asked weakly. He barked out a laugh.  
“Does it matter?” he cried. I chewed my lip. Honestly, he was scaring me; I wasn’t used to him being so reckless. He put his hand on my thigh as he drove, but didn’t look at me or try any conversation.  
“Stop being so damn afraid of me, Frank. I won’t do anything stupid while you’re in the car.”He said curtly.  
“Yes, Sir.” I murmured. He peered at me from the corner of his eye, smirking, but didn’t say much else. I felt a bit more relaxed, but still on edge. I really had no idea where he intended on taking me, and that alone made me nervous. I trusted him, most of the time, but I was also aware that he was slightly unstable at the moment, and that was the fuel for most – if not all – of my uncertainty.  
  
The car stopped suddenly outside a house, which I assumed was his. It wasn’t anything particularly special, but I felt honored that he brought me here. I followed him up the short driveway and he let me into the front door, closing it behind me. I didn’t even have time to comment on his home, because he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall. He stood, glowering above me, before giving a soft moan and kissing me. His mouth took complete control, and I let him, content to follow his lead. He threaded his hands through my hair, grinding himself against my thigh. I panted like I was thirsty, and he was all the water in the world. Still, I found the willpower to stop.  
“Gee…do you want this?”  
“Yes.” He growled, claiming my neck.  
“Is this just because you’re sad?” I said, my voice softer. He glared at me from under his eyelashes, grabbing my thighs and pulling me up so my legs were around his waist, and only being trapped between him and the wall held me up.  
“I want you.” He said. I noticed that he never actually answered me, and my stomach dropped; but I knew he needed this – needed me – so I let him have it. I felt him bite down on my neck, sucking gently at the skin, and I moaned loudly, my head falling back. Fuck it. Fuck if anyone saw, or if my friends questioned me. I didn’t care about anything except him and his hands, and his fucking _mouth._  
“Gerard. Baby.” I breathed, panting and moaning like a fucking schoolgirl. He brought his lips to the shell of my ear.  
“I’m still not going to fuck you until you graduate.” He chuckled, kissing the side of my head. I groaned and dropped my head to his shoulder. He laughed again and carried me over to the sofa, carefully placing me down on the soft cushions.  
“You’re beautiful.” He said, kissing me softly. He seemed a bit more like I was used to now, and I took a deep breath. I put my hand on his cheek, stroking the soft skin.  
“What brought this on?” I asked.  
“I just needed to get you alone. I just…I don’t know. I just needed to keep you near me. Is that stupid?”  
“No. No, baby, it’s not.” I whispered, sitting up and shuffling over so he could come and sit next to me. Instead, he lay down, his head in my lap. I dragged my fingers softly through his hair.  
“Thanks, sweetheart.” He said, catching one of my hands and kissing it softly.  
“What’s wrong?” I asked tentatively. He sighed.  
“I have a little brother. His name’s Mikey and…he’s great. He’s been my best friend my whole life and I’d literally murder for him. I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t do for him. But uh, he’s not doing well. He’s got a bit of a, uh, drinking problem. He told me he had it under control, but I guess he didn’t. Anyway, long story short, he’s in the hospital in a coma. Don’t know how it happened. Some sort of accident.” He said, his voice surprisingly strong. I was silent.  
“And then, of course, there’s the normal stuff. Financial issues, I don’t have any friends, my Dad still hates me because I’m gay. That kind of stuff.” He laughed bitterly. His eyes found mine and he smiled softly.  
“Then there’s the small detail of me being stupidly, irrationally and immutably in love with one of my students.” He said, his voice almost a whisper.  
“You don’t have to say that.” I murmured. He furrowed his eyebrows.  
“I mean it.” He said.  
“Don’t. Not now, okay?” I said sadly. He looked at me like he didn’t quite understand, but his face smoothed out.  
“Everything’s just falling apart.” He sighed.  
“So you want to die.” I said bluntly. He looked back up at me, smiling a little.  
“Not right now I don’t. Not while you’re here.”  
“But you do sometimes.”  
“Yes. I do.” He sighed. I kissed his forehead and he hummed in pleasure.  
“Too bad. I won’t ever let you go.” I whispered, and he smiled.  
“I might have to hold you to that.”  
“You can.” I beamed. He pouted and pulled himself up so he was upright, and kissed me slowly, holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger.  
“C’mon sweetheart, let me drive you home.” He murmured.  
“No. I wanna stay here with you.”  
“That’s not a great idea.”  
“I’m worried about you.” I admitted. He kissed me again.  
“I promise I’m okay.”  
“I don’t care. I want to stay here.” I said, stubborn. He raised an eyebrow and pulled me onto his lap, so I was straddling his knees and facing him.  
“Oh yeah? And what would you do if I let you stay?” he asked, bouncing me slightly on his knees. I put my hands in his hair.  
“I’d kiss you a lot, and I’d hug you a lot, and I’d fuck you a lot.” I said. He chuckled and kissed me gently, not much more than brushing his lips against mine.  
“You pose a good argument, Iero.” He snickered.  
“Enough to persuade you to let me stay?” I asked hopefully. He sighed and brushed my hair out of my face.  
“No. But I do want to ask you something.” He said. I nodded, prompting him to continue.  
“You said something before. You said I was, ah, pretty?” he asked, tilting his head. I blushed.  
“Yeah. You are. I mean, you’ve got, uhm, feminine features. Soft and…y’know. Pretty. Especially with your hair like that. It’s uhm, really hot.” I said, blushing even redder. He beamed, his smile getting wider as I spoke.  
“Thanks for clarifying.” He said with a wicked smile that forced a chill through my spine. He took the opportunity to stand up, causing me to fall to the floor. He laughed and helped me back to my feet. He kissed me, his hands sliding down my back and onto my hips.  
“Stop tempting me.” He moaned. I chewed my lip and smiled.  
“I’m not doing anything.” I insisted. His eyes flashed up.  
“Exactly.”  
I laughed and snuggled deeper into his arms, breathing in his scent.  
“Baby, I don’t wanna go.” I murmured.  
“Don’t call me that, or else I’ll do whatever you want.” He laughed.  
“Baby, please.” I pleaded, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. He moaned and rested his head against mine.  
“Baby, baby, baby. Gerard. Baby. Please.” I whimpered. He groaned and grabbed the front of my shirt, pulling me further back into his house.  
“Maybe you could stay a little bit longer” he teased. I grinned and kissed him, forcing him backwards until our legs hit the sofa and we toppled over.  
“You bitch.” He laughed, pulling me down for another kiss. I ran my hands through his hair, biting my lip.  
“ _You’re_ a bitch.” I replied. He laughed and kissed my neck.  
“Mmhm. I’d be your bitch whenever you want, sweetheart.” He purred. I moaned softly, pushing my hips slowly down onto him. He held the back of my neck and brushed his lips against mine.  
“What I wouldn’t give to be able to have you right now.” He murmured.  
“You have got me.”  
“You know what I mean.” He groaned, peppering kisses around my neck and collarbones. I whined and buried my nails in the sofa behind his head.  
“I want that too. Fuck it, baby, please. We can do it now, before I go home.” I said, desperation leaking into my voice. I rolled my hips down, brushing past the hardness in his jeans and he moaned, gripping my waist.  
“I would. But I can’t.” he said, his lips turning up at the edges.  
“Why?” I pleaded. He chuckled and rolled over, so he was on top of me. He bit down on my neck, one hand threaded through my hair, the other still holding my hip. I whimpered as he sucked roughly on my skin, his teeth grazing me, making a tingle run across my thighs.  
“Gerard, please.” I begged, rubbing myself against him, trying to find some relief. He smirked against my neck and slid his hand down from my waist, pressing it against the bulge in my jeans. I rolled my hips up, nearly crying out as he squeezed my dick through my clothes. I realized then how much I’d been waiting for him to touch me. He hadn’t ever done it before, and it fueled the fire in my thighs and stomach.  
“Fuck me.” I almost screamed.  
“I told you I can’t.” He said firmly, his lips brushing my neck.  
“Why?” I pleaded, tears filling my eyes. He pressed his lips to mine, his tongue flicking out to lick my lips.  
“Because if I fucked you, you wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow, and you have school.” He breathed, his mouth pulling up in a smile, but it seemed strained. He was desperate too.  
“Just be gentle then.” I whispered. He kissed my neck, his lips trailing down to my collarbones. His eyes flicked up to meet mine and he glared at me from under his eyelashes. His eyes were wide and lust-blown, his lips swollen and glistening.  
“I don’t think I have the strength to be gentle with you.” He snarled. I gasped, and the sound seemed to trigger something in him. It was like an animal attack in the way that he lunged at me, pinning me down to the sofa.  
“When I fuck you, Frank, you won’t be able to walk the next day. That’s a fucking promise. I will fuck you so hard that all you’ll be able to do is lie there, panting like a whore until I come fuck you again.” He growled.  
“Yes, Sir.” I moaned, unable to say much else. He chuckled and slid off of me, his face pulled into a smile, but his eyes still darkened with need.  
“C’mon sweetheart, let’s get you home.” He said, reaching for his coat. I stared at him, mouth agape.  
“What?” I spluttered. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way he expected me to just go home. I rose to my feet and staggered towards him, taking the coat he handed to me. His eyes shone with amusement, his shoulders twitching as he laughed.  
“You can’t expect me to go home like this.” I said, still shocked. He brushed a hand past my cheek.  
“How else can I make sure you’ll be thinking about me?” he sighed. I caught his hand and entwined our fingers.  
“Because I always do.” I said. He smiled and kissed my forehead.  
“Glad to hear it.” He smirked.  
  
His hand slid up and down my thigh as he drove, and I shifted uncomfortably under his touch.  
“You’re an asshole.” I spat. He sighed and raised his eyebrows.  
“Stop being such a bitch.” He said, sounding tired.  
“I thought you were the bitch.” I teased. He smiled, still looking at the road.  
“I said I would be, not that I am.” He said.  
“You’re the pretty one.” I mumbled. He chuckled.  
“I’ll allow you that.” He snickered.  
“So you agree that you’re pretty?” I laughed. He parked the car by the side of the road and looked at me fondly, cupping my cheek.  
“Darlin’, if you want, I’ll be the prettiest damn girl you’ve ever seen.” He laughed, kissing me softly.  
“Tomorrow.” I whispered against his mouth. I felt his lips turn up under mine.  
“Tomorrow.” He repeated. I kissed him again, savoring the taste of his mouth, then slid out of the car. I thanked him mentally for parking further up the road and walked home, feeling the brisk, cold air on my cheeks. I couldn’t help but smile, despite my achingly hard dick, just thinking about him. Sure, things weren’t great, but it was comforting to know that he was so easily distracted, and even more comforting that he wanted me to be the one to distract him. I walked into my house in a daze, not even realizing that I’d passed my Mom until I heard her voice.  
“What the hell is that on your neck?” her shrill voice called, cutting into my thoughts. Well, shit.


	15. Misbehavior

  
I should have felt bad lying to my Mom, but I didn’t. I sighed and sat down, running my hand through my hair, and admitted that I’d been with a girl. She looked concerned, but somewhat relieved. She gave me a talk about staying safe, and I assured her that I was, that we were waiting until after graduation to do anything serious (which, technically, was true) and that she didn’t need to worry about me. She was clearly uncomfortable, so this came as quite the relief to her. She excused herself up to bed, and I did the same.  
Not that I did much sleeping, of course.  
I called Gerard, and was surprised when he answered on the first ring.  
“I was expecting your call, sweetheart.” He said, his voice thick and gravelly.  
“You were?” I asked, smiling.  
“Mm. I knew you couldn’t deal with having your dick hard for so long. My poor little sweetheart.” He purred.  
“It’s your fault.” I whispered.  
“I know. Great, isn’t it?” he chuckled. I moaned, sliding my hand to palm myself through my jeans.  
“Baby, please. Help me.” I whimpered. He was silent for a moment.  
“I don’t think I will.” He said darkly.  
“Why?”  
“Because you were bad.” He said, putting on his teacher voice. Jesus Christ, he’d be the death of me.  
“When?” I demanded.  
“In the parking lot today. Do you realize how reckless that was? What if we’d been caught?” he hissed. I moaned.  
“Sorry sir. Please.” I whispered.  
“No.”  
“Gerard, please.” I begged.  
“Let me explain this so you’ll understand, okay? You can’t touch yourself. You can’t cum. You can’t finger yourself. You can’t watch porn. When I see you tomorrow, I expect you to report to me that you were good and did what I said – if you disobey, your punishment will be even worse. Do you understand me?”  
“Yes sir.” I sobbed, feeling my cock throb.  
“I’ll know if you’ve lied to me, Frank.” He said firmly.  
“I’ll be good, sir. I promise.” I panted, not completely sure that I could actually keep this promise.  
“Good boy.” He murmured. He was silent for a moment, and I heard a zip. Dear God.  
“Stay on the phone baby.” He groaned. I couldn’t hear much other than his gentle moans, and the way his breath hitched in his throat.  
“Fuck….oh, fuck.” He moaned, panting and whimpering as he fucked himself into his hand. I wished more than anything that I could be with him. His moans turned into soft, gentle screams of pleasure.  
“You’ll never guess what I’m doing now.” He moaned, and I could guess that there was a smirk on his damn face.  
“What?”  
“I’m fucking myself. I’ve got my fingers up my ass, and I’m pretending it’s your cock.” He said. The bluntness of the statement, along with the mental image, almost pushed me over the edge.  
“Please let me cum.” I begged.  
“N-fuck. No. Fuck.” He moaned, and I felt a tear slide down my cheek. For the first time, I was happy he wasn’t there to see me.  
“I can’t…I need to…” I whimpered.  
“Don’t be such a slut.” He hissed, his breath coming out in heavy, wild pants. He was close, I could hear that just from his breathing.  
“Let me hear you cum, Gee. Please. For me, baby. For me.” I pleaded. He cried out again, and this time stopped with a shuddering breath.  
“Frankie…” he breathed, sounding like he’d just run a marathon.  
“Better?” I said bitterly. He laughed.  
“C’mon sweetie, just tonight. Do it for me tonight, babe.” He said softly. I was silent, too overwhelmed to even move, for fear that a single movement would make things worse.  
“Frank?” he asked, his voice concerned.  
“Okay.” I breathed.  
“So proud of you sweetie.” He whispered.  
“What happens if I can’t?” I asked, my voice wavering. He was silent for a moment.  
“I’ll punish you.” He said coldly.  
“How?”  
“Let’s just hope you don’t find out, huh?” he said, his voice sharp, precise. I sucked in a sharp breath.  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Goodnight, Frank. Be good for me.”  
“I will.” I said. He hung up and I tossed my phone away from me, groaning in frustration. I was achingly hard, and our conversation had done absolutely nothing to help – in fact, it’d made it so much worse. I peeled off my pants and boxers, hoping that the lack of pressure would make it easier to handle. It did, a bit, but not enough. My hand twitched at my side, and I had to try desperately hard to not touch myself. As much as it would be torture, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know what Gerard’s idea of a punishment would be. Knowing him, it would be something humiliating and degrading. My cock twitched at the idea.  
The best thing, I thought, would be to go to bed. If I could ignore my arousal for long enough for me to fall asleep, I’d be set until tomorrow, and I could proudly tell him that I’d done as he asked.  
Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy.  
As I slid into bed, the covers brushed past my overly sensitive dick, making me gasp in pleasure. I tried to stay still, but the throbbing of my cock made it almost impossible not to move. I stared up at the ceiling, wishing Gerard were here so I could fuck him. And then punch him in the face. I tried to work out if he was telling the truth – if he was actually fucking himself on his fingers. I didn’t imagine that he’d lie about that – it’s something he’d do. I thought of him lying down, his fingers buried in himself, crying out, his hand wrapped around his dick. I imagined his face contorting in pleasure as he came, strings of profanities pouring out of his mouth as he covered his hand. I whimpered at the thought, but that’s all I had time to do before I came, completely untouched, onto my own hand.  
“Shit.” I groaned, rolling onto my stomach and burying my face in the pillow.  
At least now I could sleep, right?  
  
I woke up to my Mom knocking on my bedroom door.  
“S’open.” I mumbled. She walked in, looking uncomfortable.  
“What’s up?” I asked, sitting up. She perched on the end of my bed and chewed her lip.  
“I want you to tell me where you were last night.” She said calmly.  
“I told you. I was in the park with a girl. I’m sorry for not telling you, I just-“  
“What was her name?”  
“What?”  
“Her name. What was it?”  
“Um…Susan.” I said. I took too long to answer, though. She knew I was lying. She rubbed a hand across her forehead and sighed.  
“Why are you lying to me, Frankie?” she asked, seeming genuinely concerned.  
“I’m not. What brought this on?”  
“I was thinking about it all night and…I don’t know. Something just didn’t sit right with me.”  
“I was with a girl, Mom.” I said firmly.  
“No, you weren’t.” she said, just as firm. My heart raced in my chest. I knew she would let up until I told the truth.  
“Fine. I was with…a guy. I’m seeing a guy.” I admitted. My stomach dropped as I waited for her shock, her anger, her begging me and pleading me to admit that I’d ‘chosen’ this. But she didn’t. She looked at me thoughtfully.  
“What’s his name?” she asked. I raised my eyebrows and felt relief flutter in my chest – she wasn’t mad at me. I realized she was still waiting for an answer.  
“It’s not important.” I said. Bad answer.  
“You’re hiding something.”  
“Not now I’m not. I just didn’t want you to know I was with a guy.” I explained. She tilted her head.  
“Why not?” she asked.  
“Because…I’m gay?” I said slowly.  
“Yeah, I know.” She said, furrowing her eyebrows. I laughed and looked away. Well, I’ll be fucked. It seems like everyone knew I was gay.  
“Honey, please. Whatever it is…I just want you to be safe.” She said.  
“I…I’m fine. It’s just a kid from school.” I said.  
“Bring him here, then.” She said. I sighed.  
“I can’t.” I murmured. She frowned.  
“Why won’t you tell me what’s going on with you? Is it bad?”  
“No! No, Mom. I just can’t do that now, okay? I promise I’ll tell you everything when I can.” I lied. The guilt was already gnawing at me, and I could barely look her in the eyes.  
“Why not tell me now? Just tell me who they are and why I can’t know. I’m worried about you, Frank. You’ve been so…different recently. So distant. I just want to know why.” She said. I pressed my lips together and looked down.  
“It’s just stuff I have to work out okay? I’m sorry. I promise I’m not in any danger…” I said. She sighed and looked away from me, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I couldn’t bear lying to her – for the longest time, she was all I had.  
“I love you, Mom.” I said softly. She smiled sadly.  
“Get ready for school, honey.” She said, walking out of my room. I groaned and fell back onto my bed, feeling worse than I had in a while.  
  
In all the excitement of the morning, I’d almost forgotten me and Mr. Way’s little deal. I dreaded walking into class – I knew he’d know what I’d done almost straight away.  
I’d tried my best to wear a high-necked shirt, but the purple bruises could still be seen. Luckily, I had English first lesson, so nobody had time to mention it before I saw him. That was good, at least at the end of the lesson he could help me devise a story (he got me into this mess and I’ll be fucked before he doesn’t get me out of it).  
“Ayy Frankie!” I heard behind me. Well, shit. I spun around and smiled at Chris, who ran to catch up with me.  
“Hey Chris.” I said, trying to keep my head turned.  
“Dude, what fucking animal attacked your neck?” He asked, concerned. I laughed.  
“Nah, it’s an allergic reaction to this aftershave I’ve been using.” I said, the lie spilling off my tongue with little effort on my part. He winced.  
“Ow dude, that looks bad. Go see the nurse or somethin’.” He mumbled. I tugged my shirt up a little bit and laughed.  
“N’aw, it’s fine. I’ll go to the doctor if it doesn’t clear up.” I said dismissively as we walked in the room. To my utter delight, Mr. Way’s attention was captured by another classmate so I slid in unnoticed – for the minute, anyway. Once seated, I pulled my book out of my bag and looked down. Anything to try and avoid his eyes. Of course, I knew he’d talk to me eventually – I just hoped it wasn’t for a long time. I guess if it was just the fact I’d disobeyed him, I wouldn’t be so worried, but add to that the thing with my Mom this morning, and the small detail that he’d confessed his undying love to me last night (literally) and that made one teacher I definitely did not want to see. Nonetheless, I heard his footsteps approaching my desk, and dragged my eyes up. Surprisingly, he didn’t say anything – his eyes just flickered to my neck and he smirked before walking away.  
“Okay guys and gals, I graded your papers last night.” He said, and I wondered vaguely if that was before or after he fucked himself on his fingers.  
The class tittered in response, awaiting his approval. I smirked at that – for once, the class and I were on the same page. He smiled.  
“No, most of you did pretty well. I’m glad that you understood the book so well. There’s a few of you who need some further reading, but I’ve added any corrections to your papers. If you need to talk to me about any of them, just come see me after class.” He said, starting to walk around and pass the papers out.  
“You’ll notice, though, that I’ve requested for some of you to stay behind regardless of your opinions. That’s mandatory.” He said firmly. I was surprised when he dropped an essay onto my desk, considering I didn’t hand him one in, but knew better than to say anything. Messy handwriting in red pen told me to turn to the third page. When I did it, a simple note was written in the top left-hand corner.  
“You broke your promise and disobeyed me. Punishments are due.” I gasped and shut the paper. He looked up, smiling.  
“Is there a problem with your essay, Iero?” he said calmly.  
“Ah, no. I can sort of see where I went wrong.” I said with a nervous giggle. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Okay. I’ll still need to see you after school though.” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. Damn, he was a good actor.  
“Yeah, that’s fine.”  
“Okay. Good. Make sure you read all the comments.” He said offhandedly, returning to his conversation. With shaking hands, I opened the paper again and turned it to the next page – only just stopping myself from gasping aloud again. The words “slut” and “whore” were scrawled all over the paper. I put a hand over my mouth to hide my smile and – hopefully – at least some of my blush. On the final page of the paper (which I hadn’t really bothered reading, but from the odd word I picked up, I assumed it was an old example essay) there was another short note.  
“ _My place. After school. I have a meeting but I’ll meet you there. If you don’t show up, your punishment will be even worse than it’s going to be tonight_.”  
And there was an address and directions scrawled underneath. I subtly tore that page out and shoved it into my pocket, turning my attention back to Mr. Way.  
“How is everyone feeling about their grades?” he asked, and the class gave a general positive consensus, some students grumbling in self-pity. I didn’t reply. He smiled.  
“Glad to hear it. Like I said, you’re definitely getting the basics of it.” He said brightly. He sat on his desk and shrugged, rubbing his hands down his thighs. I noticed that he was wearing a shirt with tight buttons around the wrists and I frowned.  
“So what are you guys feeling? I didn’t plan much.” He laughed nervously. I chewed my lip – gosh, he was so damn cute.  
“Dude let’s go home.” Chris said, and Mr. Way laughed, running his hand through his hair.  
“Um, or not?” he laughed, his eyes flicking to me.  
“I’d ask you what you want to do, but from the um… ‘accessories’ you’re wearing to class today, I’d say that you’ve had enough fun.” He laughed, and the rest of the class laughed with him. Great. I glared at him.  
“S’not what it looks like.” I mumbled looking at my desk. He laughed and held his hands up defensively.  
“Hey, whatever you guys do in your spare time isn’t my business. But, just to curb the class’ curiosity…what is it then?” he asked. It wasn’t unusual to make comments like this to students, and we normally took it as a joke. I’m assuming, however, that this was the first time he’d ever been the cause of the joke. His eyes were glimmering with malice as he looked at me expectantly.  
“Allergy.” I mumbled. He raised his eyebrows, his mouth pulling up into an amused smile.  
“An allergy?” he asked incredulously, narrowing his eyes.  
“Yes?” I said weakly. He laughed.  
“Okay. Well. I hope that clears up soon.” He smiled. I had to constantly remind myself that he was just acting, or else I think I may have screamed at him; he was that frustrating. I groaned, still smiling like I was laughing, and put my head on the table. He made a big, flamboyant show of wiggling his eyebrows and widening his eyes, and moved across the room to help one of the girls who had (probably after a long time of building up confidence) put her hand up.  
“What is it, pumpkin pie?” he asked in a fake southern drawl. She giggled and blushed, batting her eyelashes so hard I was surprised she didn’t fly away. I snorted at the idea, and Mr. Way shot me a look.  
“Um. I was just thinking that we could talk about uh, why you like the book so much? I mean, you’ve said it’s your favourite.” She said. He hummed in thought, sitting on his desk.  
“That’s a good question.” He mused. She beamed at him and I rolled my eyes.  
“I think…I don’t know. I like the way it shows that there’s more than one side to people. Y’know, you see people and just never quite know what they’re going through. They could be doing anything, and you just don’t know. I think it’s important to remember that. Everyone has their own stories and their own demons, and you should just be respectful.” He said coolly. I pursed my lips, surprised by the depth of his answer. Looking around, I realized I wasn’t the only one, as everyone stared in awe of him, and I felt a rush of pride and adoration. He laughed.  
“Does that answer your question?” he asked, smiling at her. She grinned back.  
“Yeah…that was a really good answer, Mr. Way.” She said, and I wondered why none of the girls could talk to him without sounding like they were in a low-budget porn flick.  
“Thanks, Jasmine.” He said softly, his eyes flickering to me, then back to her. I sighed, hiding my smile. He was such a jerk.  
“I wish I could be as…insightful as you.” She said, her voice still sappy and soft. Gross.  
“It takes practice.” He said, winking at her, and she blushed so hard I thought she might lose consciousness. The thought made me snort, and Jasmine turned her head towards me. Mr. Way didn’t.  
“Ignore him.” He said, smiling at her. She smiled back. He got to his feet and paced back and forth in front of the class.  
“What we need to understand about this book is that all of the characters go through some form of change. Scout realizes a lot of things about the world, obviously, but then you get characters like Atticus, who are realistic to begin with, but he changes too. It’s really a book about constant change.” He said, running a finger along the spine of the book, smiling as he did.  
“Who do you think sustained the most change in the book?” he asked. I put my hand up, trying to get involved in the lesson (and more than a little bit offended that he’d told Jasmine to ignore me). He pouted, furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Nobody?” he said sadly.  
“Frank knows!” Chris called, very helpfully, from the back of the room. I lowered my hand, feeling my face flush. Thanks, buddy. Mr. Way didn’t even look at me.  
“Yes, but Frank’s a slut.” He said simply. The way he said it was so blunt, so unhesitant, that all I could do is stare at him open-mouthed. The class was silent, and I figured that he must realize he’d taken it too far. Instead of apologizing, of course, he just shrugged.  
“It’s not like it’s not true.” He said with a pleasant smile, turning back to his desk. I dropped my eyes to my desk, not even listening to him anymore. I wasn’t mad because he called me a slut, or even that he embarrassed me in front of everyone. I was scared. He wasn’t just trying to embarrass me; he was reminding me that his threat still stood. I met his eyes and he smirked. That asshole.  
  
Seeing him after school actually wasn’t as scary as I thought it might be. Maybe it was because there were other students there, or because he knew he was getting revenge later, but he was actually behaving. Well, as well as he could, anyway.  
“Frank, I trust you read all of the notes I wrote in your essay?” he asked calmly. I smiled.  
“Yeah, I did. I appreciate them.”  
“So you agree?” he asked, seeming mildly surprised.  
“I trust your judgment.” I said.  
“I feel a bit bad for judging you so harshly, but I gave you a specific task and you failed to complete it.” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. I gulped.  
“Yes, I know. It’s fine. I’ll just…do better next time.” I said. He smiled.  
“I really hope so, Frank. You have a lot of potential.”  
“Do I?”  
“You do.” He said, his voice not wavering for a moment.  
“Okay. Well I’m gonna…” I said, leaving his room.  
“One more thing!” he called after me. I spun around.  
“That suggestion that I made on your paper. How do you feel about it?” he asked.  
“I can barely wait to get started.” I said. He nodded and waved as I left the room, and I fought the urge to flip him the finger.


	16. My Girl

As I hoped, a lot of people bought the ‘aftershave allergy’ story, and my day passed fairly uneventfully. I sent Mr. Way several texts asking him to at least hint about the nature of my punishment, but he refused, sending back only winky faces or “you’ll see.” I was surprised that I made it through the day without running to the bathroom for some quick relief, considering the way he was teasing me. In fact, it was so bad that when the bell rang, dismissing us, I thought I was going to cum right there.  
  
The directions Gerard gave me were fairly easy to follow, and I soon found myself at his house (that is, after stopping no less than 6 times to try and determine whether or not I should go through with it). I was only mildly surprised to find the door unlocked, the rest of the emotion being blanketed by the pure fear and confusion that set in as I walked into his house. It smelled strongly of him, which made me both relax and become more nervous. I stepped through quietly, even though I knew I was the only one home. As I stepped into the kitchen, I noticed a small black box with a note on top of it. Figuring it was part of my punishment, I approached it.  
  
“ _Frankie. This is both a treat and a punishment. Put this on. I’m in the bedroom.”_  
  
My heart raced as I looked towards the door that led off towards his room. He was in there waiting for me. I felt myself stiffen and opened the box excitedly. A black cock ring fell into my hand, and I groaned in anguish. Damn fucker wasn’t gonna let me cum. Obediently, I slipped the ring on, then pulled myself back into my jeans and zipped up, trying to adjust to the discomfort, but eventually admitting to myself that it couldn’t ever be comfortable. I walked slowly into the bedroom.  
“Gee?” I called. I heard a light laugh from somewhere, but I couldn’t see him. The room wasn’t quite dark, but the lighting was dim enough that I couldn’t see much of anything.  
“The bed.” He called from his unidentified hiding place. I look towards it and moaned again. Handcuffs.  
“I wasn’t that bad!” I called. He appeared from behind the open wardrobe door, smirking. He wore a black bathrobe that covered his whole body.  
“Yes you were.” He said, pushing me down onto the bed and attaching my wrists to the bedposts by the handcuffs. He looked at me seriously.  
“If you want me to stop, say ‘end’.” I nodded, understanding. He pulled me into a warm kiss and I sighed. I’d been wanting to taste him all day.  
“The rules are that you cannot touch me, and you cannot cum. Deal?”  
“I couldn’t if I tried!” I cried. He beamed.  
“That’s the idea. Now, close your eyes and don’t open until I say.” He said. I nodded and did as he told me. I heard the sound of material hitting the floor, and some more shuffling. From what I heard, he took a deep breath before turning the lights up a bit more.  
“Okay. Open.” He said, his voice sounding shaky. I opened my eyes and gasped. He chewed his lip, blushing.  
“Is it…okay?” he asked. I gripped the bedpost, unable to take my eyes off of him. Jesus Christ.  
“Yes…God. It’s…wow.” I breathed. He smiled softly. He was still wearing his shirt and tie from earlier, but loosened and untidy. That was all that remained. On his hips, and ending just below his ass, was a black pleated miniskirt, under which suspenders ran, connecting to the black knee-highs he had slipped on. That wasn’t even the best part though (well, I mean yeah, it was pretty sweet). He was wearing make up. Not even just a little bit either – he was fucking painted like a doll. His eyes were covered in smoky black eyeshadow, his lips smothered in red. He’d brushed bronzer along his cheekbones, making them stand out. Jesus Christ, he could actually pass for a woman, and an attractive one at that. He just stood, his legs pressed together, his red lips pulled into a shy smile.  
“Get over here.” I murmured. I tried to reach out and touch him, but the handcuffs stopped me. I moaned in anguish. He walked over slowly, straddling my legs. His ass pressed against my cock, achingly hard and uncomfortable because of the ring. He let out a sharp, girlish gasp and I moaned, rolling my head back.  
“You’re gonna kill me.” I moaned. He smiled, his short, white teeth shining even in the dim light.  
“You like it then?” he asked, clearly insecure. I bit my lip.  
“You look…wow. Beautiful.” I whispered. I tried to lean forward for a kiss, but I was pulled back by the handcuffs. He laughed and kissed me, his tongue sliding across my lips. He put both hands around my neck, entwining them in my hair, as he began to move his hips up and down on me. I grunted and rose my hips up to meet his. At the movement, he let out the loudest, hottest and fakest moan I’d ever heard. I grinned.  
“You’re faking.” I accused him. He bit his lip and rolled his hips down again, letting out another moan (though it was more like a scream).  
“No ‘m not Frankie.” He purred, his voice soft and innocent. God, I needed to fuck him like, _yesterday._ He gripped my shoulders with both hands and bounced himself roughly up and down on my cock, which was absolutely burning from need. With each movement, he moaned and screamed and panted like a virgin getting their first bit of action.  
“Mmph, Frankie.” He moaned, kissing me again. Watching him all dressed up and unable to touch him was torture, but kissing helped. At least I was touching him.  
“Frankie?” he asked softly. I hummed in response.  
“C-can I…” he asked, looking away and blushing. I had no idea how he did that on command.  
“What is it, honey?” I purred softly. He looked at me in shock and leaned forward and kissed me again, too rough to fit the character he was playing. I smirked under his lips – he was losing control. He shook his head, instead sliding down so he was lying between my legs, looking up at me uncertainly. I rolled my head back and let out a breathy, desperate moan. If he did what I thought he was going to do, I’d love him forever. Lo and behold, he began unzipping my jeans _with his fucking teeth._ He used his tongue to help him pop the button, and slid them down for me, discarding them on the floor somewhere. He looked at me, his eyes hungry and practically predatory. Then he blinked and it was gone, replaced by that fake innocence.  
“F-Frankie?” he asked softly. I looked down and he chewed his lip, batting his eyelashes at me.  
“Master?” he said uncertainly. I groaned. He was really too fucking much. He smiled, clearly taking my reaction as an achievement.  
“Master, I’m sorry…I don’t know how to…it’s my first time…” he said, squirming nervously. _Liar._  
“You’re lying, honey.” I said, tilting my head. He widened his eyes.  
“No I’m not!” he cried, chewing his lip.  
“Yes you are. You’ve sucked cock before, haven’t you?” I teased, narrowing my eyes. He panted, pressing his lips together like he was trying not to cry.  
“N-no Master. Promise.” He whimpered.  
“Don’t lie to me.” I snapped. He took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably.  
“Y-yes. I have.” He sniffed.  
“That’s okay, love.” I sighed, leaning my head back. He, very uncharacteristically, tore my boxers off, dropping them on the floor next to my jeans, and smiled mischievously when he saw the ring. I groaned.  
“Gee, please.” I moaned. He wrapped his thin, pale fingers around my throbbing cock, sliding up and down a couple of times experimentally, before closing his full, swollen lips around the head. I cried out, nearly hitting my head on the wall and his eyes sparkled – even with my dick in his mouth, he managed to smirk at me. Unbelievable.  
If I’d believed him when he said this was his first time, I certainly didn’t believe him now. He seemed to know exactly what places to pay attention to, knowing when to wrap his whole mouth around me, and when to just lick soft circles into certain places. My hands scratched desperately at his headboard because fuck, he was so beautiful. I needed to touch him, just once. He never took his eyes off me, either. The whole time he watched me, not like he was waiting for a response, but like he was warning me not to misbehave; reminding me that he was still in charge, despite his role. I felt a familiar tightening in my stomach and cried out, preparing to cum. Of course, because of that damn ring, it never happened. He pulled off, tilting his head.  
“What’s wrong Frankie?” he asked lightly.  
“Wanna touch you.” I moaned. He considered it for a moment, then reached over and unlocked the handcuffs, letting them fall on the floor. I moaned and reached for him, pulling him up onto my lap. I ran my hands over his whole body, grazing his face, but not touching, so as to not ruin his make up.  
“So beautiful.” I moaned, kissing his neck. He gasped and leaned into me, wrapping his arms around my neck. I slid my hands up his legs and gasped.  
“Gerard? Did you fucking shave your legs?” I asked, my voice shaking. He smiled mischievously and nodded. I groaned and crashed my lips against his, forcing his mouth open with my tongue.  
“So lucky. Fuck, I’m so lucky.” I gasped, holding his waist. He covered my arms with his hands and kissed me back, smiling against my mouth as he ground his ass against my exposed dick. I cried out and held him harder. Instead of moaning, he just laughed. I glared at him.  
“What’s so funny?” I snapped.  
“You can’t cum.” He laughed again. I groaned and kissed his neck, biting down.  
“No Frankie please!” he cried out, trying to push me away. I growled and held him tighter to me, trapping his hands against my chest so he couldn’t move. He moaned and rolled his hips down.  
“People will…fuck. People will know. They’ll see…” he panted, holding my head to his neck as I sucked a deep purple bruise into his porcelain skin. I broke contact for a second only.  
“I don’t fucking care.” I snapped, before returning. He moaned a high-pitched, desperate moan. But this time it wasn’t fake. I held him tighter and he whined, rubbing himself against me.  
“Fuck me, Frank. Please.” He begged.  
“Don’t say that unless you mean it.” I said darkly. He was silent, his hands combing through my hair.  
“I do want you to fuck me.” He said softly. I pulled away from his neck (which, by the way, was completely covered in deep purple bruises and was _way_ worse than mine). I pushed his hair back from his face and moaned.  
“I want to, too.” I whispered. He smirked.  
“Let me show you.” He said, shifting so he was leaning back, resting his weight on one arm. His other hand he tangled in his hair and slowly let it slide down his face, clawing at his jawline, brushing against the purple bruises on his neck and dancing across his collarbones. He panted and moaned as his hand slid down his chest, towards the hem of his skirt. I couldn’t do anything but watch, my mouth dry with desire and need. He slipped his fingers up his skirt, and pulled down his underwear, and holy shit, he was wearing silky black panties.  
“Have you worn those all day?” I stammered. He chewed his lips and smiled.  
“Maybe?” he said, laughing nervously. I stared in awe, and he slipped the panties all the way off, throwing them next to my heap of clothes on the floor. He shoved his two middle fingers in his mouth and sucked them, staring at me as he did, a soft innocence in his eyes. I moaned and rolled my hips up, rubbing against his ass. He laughed and pulled his fingers out.  
“Not yet!” he exclaimed, grinning. I bit my lip and smiled back. He took a deep breath and slid his fingers back up his skirt. He smiled at me, almost nervously, before sliding his fingers into himself. He seemed a little shy, at first, moving his hand slowly and avoiding my gaze. He still moaned, of course, but I guess I could understand his hesitation. I put a hand on his hip and rolled my dick against his bare ass, crying out at the intense sensation of it. He whimpered and pushed his fingers deeper inside himself. I smiled.  
“That’s it honey, show me. I wanna see you fuck yourself.” I breathed. He dropped his head back and fingered himself roughly, crying out each time he thrust in.  
“Frank, please!” he screamed, pulling out and laying limply in my arms, his hand rubbing his thigh. I moved my hand forward into the warmth between his legs and picked up where he’d left off, staring in awe as my fingers disappeared into him. This was surreal, and I was certain that I’d wake up any minute. His head snapped forward and he wrapped his arms around my neck, rolling his hips down onto me as I thrust my hand into him.  
“F-fuck. Please.” He sobbed, and for the first time, I noticed the cock ring wrapped tightly around him. I moaned and rolled my hips up again. It’d be so easy to just fuck him right now. I could flip him over and-  
But I wouldn’t. Of course. I leaned in and kissed him, and he accepted my lips hungrily. He ran a hand through his red hair, his mouth forming a perfect ‘o’, then fading into a soft, smug smile when he saw the look on my face. If he looked horny and fucked-out, I could only imagine what I looked like.  
“Jesus, Frank. I need…” he whimpered. I held the back of his neck with my free hand and kissed him.  
“What do you need, baby?” I sighed. He looked away.  
“I want you to fuck me.”  
“I know honey, but-“  
“No. Frank. Fuck me.” He growled, his eyes narrowed and filled with that fire I could never get used to seeing. I stopped, at a loss for words.  
“B-but I thought-“  
“I don’t care. Please. Please, fuck. I need it.” He sobbed, tears running down his face, smudging mascara all over his cheeks. I slid my hand out from him and held him close to me, his head resting on my chest as he sobbed.  
“I want to. I want to so badly.” I said, kissing every part of him I could reach.  
“Fucking do it then.” He whined. He sat up, looking at me, lust making way for pure, indisputable desperation.  
“I…don’t know. I thought you wanted to wait.”  
“It doesn’t count if I don’t fuck you. I-I’ll wait until you graduate to fuck you. But Frank, please. You have to fuck me. You can’t just…” he said, breaking off into tears again. This was really fucking weird. This was my fucking teacher, a guy who had always been so confident, so dominant and self-assured, now sat on my lap, make up running down his face, sobbing and begging me to fuck him. I gasped, running a hand through my hair. It was all happening so fast.  
“We have school tomorrow.” I reminded him.  
“So?”  
“So. I have a lesson with you tomorrow.” I said firmly. He looked up from me and laughed. Not even lightly, but a hysterical laugh. Once he’d calmed down, he claimed my mouth.  
“Then you definitely have to do it.” He said, beaming.  
“Won’t it be awkward?” I asked nervously. He nodded.  
“Can it really get more awkward than it is already? Like, dude, I’m dressed as a fucking chick.” He said. I bit my lip.  
“It’s because you’re so damn pretty.” I purred, kissing his jaw. He moaned and pulled himself closer to me, panting heavily. Jesus, he was so fucking desperate.  
“Just…fuck me. Okay?” he moaned.  
“You sure?” I gasped, feeling almost dream-like. He nodded.  
“Yes. Yes, please. I really fucking need it.” He whispered. I kissed him slowly, our lips moving in synchronization, like the first time, but even more soft. I cupped his cheek and stroked his soft skin with my thumb.  
“’kay. I just…I’ve never done this before.” I chuckled. He smiled.  
“I don’t care.” He breathed. He rose up on his knees, still not breaking the kiss, and unclasped the cockring. I moaned in relief, and he smiled as he undid his as well. He held my cock upright and looked into my eyes.  
“You’re okay?” he asked. I nodded, holding his face in one hand, his hip in the other.  
“I’m fine.” I breathed. He took a deep breath and slowly lowered himself down. He hissed in pain and I held him tightly.  
“You wanna stop?” I asked.  
“No. Just…let me…” he mumbled, moving his hips around. I was barely an inch in, and all I could think of was how fucking tight he was. I was happy to let him take control, because he was the only one of us who knew what they were doing. Besides, with his skirt and make up (smudged as it may be), and his fairly long red hair, not to mention his already feminine features, he really did look like a hot girl, and it was more than a little bit satisfying to watch him. Slowly, he lowered himself down, taking all of me inside him. He cried out when he reached the bottom, leaning forward and resting his head on my chest.  
“Are you okay, honey?” I asked gently. He kissed me.  
“Fuck me, sweetheart.” Was his only reply.  
It took some time to work out how to do everything, admittedly, but once the awkwardness was over, he wrapped his arms around my neck, while I held onto his hips, bouncing him up and down while he panted and moaned and chanted my name. On my part, it felt amazing. He was warm and tight, and the way he moaned sent tremors straight to my dick. He leaned forward and kissed me, his lips split and swollen from me kissing and biting them, while I controlled his movements on me.  
“Jesus, Frank. I can’t…I didn’t plan this.” He panted. I kissed his throat.  
“I know. It just…happened. It’s… _fuck._ It’s okay.” I moaned, rocking his small frame against mine. He was so thin – the thinnest that he’d been in all the years I’d known him. I kissed his shoulder before biting down, and he cried out (I was unsure if it was pain or pleasure). He leaned back, resting his weight on his hands again as I fucked up into him. I moaned – I loved looking at his body. He smiled faintly and rolled his head back, moaning like a cheap slut. I noted somewhere in the back of my mind that he could be quite successful as a porn star if he always moaned like that.  
“So pretty Gerard.” I hummed. He rolled his head forward again and rested it against mine. I stroked his face.  
“Such a pretty girl, aren’t you, honey? My pretty little girl. My sweet little slut.” I murmured, kissing him.  
“Yes, Frankie. All yours. So pretty for you, Frankie.” He whispered, his voice cracking.  
“Cum for me, baby.” I said into his ear. He moaned and wrapped his hand around himself, pumping up and down, thrusting up into his hand.  
“Good girl.” I murmured, kissing his forehead. He let out a strangled moan as he came, covering us both in ropes of white. He collapsed against me, still rolling his hips down into me.  
“Can I…inside?” I asked. He pulled back, smiling tiredly and nodding. I kissed him passionately and fucked up into him, feeling the hot, throbbing pressure as I came.  
“Fuck…baby. Baby. Gerard, fuck. I love you. I fucking-“ I moaned, collapsing onto the bed, my English teacher panting and twitching on top of me.  
  
He curled up, resting on my chest, his index finger drawing patterns on my skin. I was still inside him, but we were both content to just lie there.  
“Are you okay?” he rasped, his voice weak. I kissed his head.  
“I’m more than okay. Are you okay?”  
“I’m perfect.” He smiled, leaning up and claiming my mouth. I stroked his hair affectionately.  
"I can't believe we...it still seems surreal." I laughed. He chuckled.  
"It does. I mean...I don't know. Do you regret it?" he asked nervously.  
"Fuck no. Why would you even-"  
"It's just, I know it's your first time, and it was somewhat...unceremonious. I just want to know that you're happy it was me."  
"Why wouldn't I be?"  
"Maybe you wanted to save it for someone special." he mumbled. I rolled my eyes and pulled him in for a kiss.  
"I lost my virginity to my English teacher, at his house, the day before we had a class together, while he dressed up as a girl. I think I'm good." I smiled. He barked a laugh and went back to resting on my chest.  
“So, do you still think I’m pretty?” he asked, giggling. I cupped his cheek.  
“You’re beautiful.” I breathed.


	17. The only good idea Frank Iero has ever had

By the time I got home, it wasn’t actually _that_ late. To be exact, it was 8:47 when he pulled up a few houses down from mine. I could have stayed out later, but my Mom was gunning for me as it was, and I sort of wanted her to drop our conversation from this morning. He leaned forward and kissed me, smiling against my mouth.  
“I don’t want you to go.” He breathed. He’d wiped off the majority of his make up, but the mascara still clung to his eyes, and his lips were still slightly stained red (though, that could just be where they were bruised. Oops.) I stroked his cheek.  
“I don’t want to go, either. I’ll see you tomorrow, though.” I said softly. He groaned and laughed.  
“I forgot about that.” He chuckled.  
“It’ll be fine. I mean…I won’t say anything if you don’t.” I said. He looked at the deep purple and red bruises that stretched up both sides of his neck and sighed.  
“No, but everyone else will.” He murmured. I put my hand over his.  
“It’s fine. Nobody will guess anything.”  
“It’s a bit of a coincidence though, right?” he said, concern filling his voice. I shook my head.  
“Just make a joke out of it, and they won’t suspect a thing. Y’know, hiding in plain sight and all that?” I said. He smiled and kissed me again, his lips lingering on mine.  
“Go.” He breathed. I squeezed his hand again and slid out of the car. He waved as he drove off and I walked home.

“Hey Mom.” I greeted her warmly when I walked in the door. She hugged me and smiled.  
“How was your day?” she asked brightly, and I was happy to hear that this morning seemed to be forgotten.  
“It was fine, thanks.” I said, leaning against the doorframe.  
“You’re home a bit late.” She said, furrowing her eyebrows.  
“It’s only like, 9.” I laughed. She sighed.  
“I guess so. I don’t know. Frank, can I say something without sounding like a horrible, domineering bitch of a Mother?” she asked. I nodded, worried about where this was going.  
“I don’t want you staying out late anymore. Just…come home from school okay?”  
“What? Why?!” I said, outraged. She sighed, like she saw this coming.  
“Because I don’t know who you’re with. If you bring your boyfriend-“  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” I snapped. She rolled her eyes.  
“Well, whatever. If you bring him here, and I meet him, then you can do whatever the hell you want. Until then, you’re only allowed to school and back. If you want to see anyone on the weekend, you can, but you have to be back by 6.” She said, her voice firm. I groaned and smacked the doorframe.  
“Why can’t you just trust me!?” I cried. Granted, I knew that she had every right to not trust me – but she didn’t _know_ that.  
“Because you’re so different now! You’re secluded and emotional, and you come home late with lovebites all over you, and you’re refusing to talk to me. It’s enough to make any parent worry.” She snapped. I groaned.  
“Mom, I’m sorry. I’ll be less secretive.”  
“Good. And once you bring your friend over, you can do whatever you want.” She said. I grunted unhappily and stormed out of the room, tears of rage in my eyes. I knew she had every right to be worried, but it didn’t make it any less annoying. If anything, actually, her being right made me even angrier.  
  
I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep until I woke up. I was still clothed and, if the time on my clock was right, running late. I groaned and rolled out of bed. Clearly, my Mom was still angry about the night before, because she didn’t even bother waking me up. Nice one.  
I slid off my jeans, and almost considered keeping the same boxers on, when I remembered what had happened last night, and quickly changed them – there were some things that you didn’t want to go to school smelling of, and sex with your teacher was definitely one of them. I dragged on new clothes and stumbled downstairs, not saying a word to my Mother who, not surprisingly, didn’t say a word to me, either. Not, at least, until I reached the front door.  
“I’ll see you home straight after school tonight.” She said firmly. I rolled my eyes and slammed the door.  
  
I was really, really late. I only had Science first, and didn’t have English until after lunch, but it was still annoying. I was nearly there when my phone – my normal phone – buzzed.  
  
 **FROM: Joe.  
(8:27am)**dude! wer u @?????  
  
 **TO: Joe.  
(8:28am)**Almost there. Mom being a bitch. What’s up?  
  
 **FROM: Joe.**  
(8:29)New info re: ur mystery bae. Tell u @ lunch.  
  
I groaned and slid my phone back in my pocket. I really couldn’t be bothered to sit and listen to their theories, knowing that they weren’t right. Actually, the only thing I really wanted to do was to see Gerard, but I knew it was best that I wait until our lesson together.  
Until then, I had four whole hours of fun to sit through. For most of them, I just rested my head on the desk and tried to sleep, only looking up when someone spoke loudly enough to rouse me, or when I got a text, the latter of which were mostly from Joe (who was sitting across the room from me), trying to tease me about my ‘mystery guy’, and not realizing that I didn’t give a shit. I chewed my lip as the thought passed through my head, feeling bad. He’d worked really hard to track this person down, and considering I was lying to him, I at least owed him my enthusiasm. I smiled at him, and turned back, pretending to be listening to my teacher.  
  
By the time lunchtime swung around, I was all but ready to pass out from exhaustion. I nearly fell into my seat, and turned to talk to my friends.  
It was only when I really looked that I realized that someone else was sitting at our table with us. He looked vaguely familiar – I thought maybe I recognized his sandy blonde hair. He shifted uncomfortably, and I realized I’d been staring at him. I let my eyes slip to Joe, who was practically bouncing.  
“What did you wanna tell me?” I asked sleepily.  
“This is Cameron. Cameron, Frank.” He said in introduction. Cameron smiled.  
“Uh, yeah, I’m in your English class.” He said. Oh, so that’s where I’d seen him. I smiled politely.  
“We went through the list, and questioned every single guy on there, and we got nothing.” Chris said, disappointed. _What a surprise._ “But, we came across Cameron, who said that he likes you.” He said boldly, and I watched Cameron blush. I smiled – he was kinda cute.  
“Joe, don’t be such an asshole.” I laughed. I extended my hand to Cameron, who shook it timidly.  
“Sorry. Don’t worry, it won’t be ah, weird.” I smiled. I could almost see Joe and Chris jumping with excitement out of the corner of my eye and chuckled, and Cameron smiled. The longer I looked at him, the cuter he seemed. Almost like the kind of guy I’d date.  
The thought caused me to turn my head to the side, where I knew Mr. Way would be sitting, and my stomach dropped. He was staring at me, looking like a lost puppy. I dropped Cameron’s hand and gave him a small, reassuring smile. His mouth twitched a bit, but it wasn’t much of a smile.  
I hadn’t realized until I turned back around that Joe and Chris had left us alone. Those bastards.  
“So um, I guess we could walk to English together?” Camerom stammered. I smiled.  
“Yeah, sure thing.” I said. We didn’t speak much as we walked, but that was fine. A plan was already formulating in my head. I glanced at Cameron. If things went well, I thought I’d just found my way to be with Gerard and appease my Mom at the same time.  
Of course, there was someone I had to run it by first.  
  
I hadn’t noticed earlier, but he’d actually attempted to cover the bruises on his neck by wearing a high-collared shirt. His attempt today, however, was even weaker than mine yesterday. As we filed into the classroom and everyone looked at him, I heard a general gasp, and whispers. I felt a swell of pride.  
“Oh god!” Cameron exclaimed. Gerard’s eyes flicked up, then back down to the paper in front of him. He was pissed.  
“That looks painful.” Cameron whispered, following me to my desk. I laughed and nodded, not bothered with him anymore. He seemed to get the hint, and slunk away to his own desk. Mr. Way stood up and perched on his desk. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.  
“What happened to your neck?” one of the girls squealed. He smiled.  
“Aftershave allergy.” He said, flicking his eyes to me. The class laughed and I felt a wave of panic. I didn’t mean that he should hide it in plain sight by telling them exactly what happened.  
“No, but seriously, it’s…is it that bad?” he laughed nervously, and the class almost screamed ‘yes’ at him. He blushed and tried to shift his shirt up, but to no avail. I smirked, and he shot me a glare.  
“Well, sorry. I hope it’s not too distracting.” He mumbled.  
“It really is. Dude, you look like you got beaten up.” Chris said, forever being the most eloquent one in the room. Mr. Way smirked.  
“You should see the other guy.” He laughed. As he did, I noticed that his lips were still swollen and bruised from the night before. He looked at me and smiled sweetly.  
“Frank, your little accident seems to be clearing up nicely.” He said, his eyes glinting. I blushed.  
“Thanks.” I murmured. He laughed and ran his fingertips gently over the bruises.  
“Honestly though, they hurt like a bitch. My… ah, friend from last night wasn’t exactly gentle. Not that I minded, of course.” He chuckled. It was normal for him to talk about his sex life with us, him being laid back and ‘cool’, and all, but I wasn’t used to him talking about our sex life. Not only that, but he was making jokes about my first time which, for me, was extremely sentimental. I thought it was special, yet here he was, joking around and making a mockery of it.  
“What did they do, try and take a blood sample?” one of the guys called from the back. Mr. Way laughed, turning his attention to the worksheets on his desk.  
“I think they were, yeah. It was a bit freaky, you know?” he laughed, walking around and handing the sheets out. I looked down, breathing deeply. I felt like such a fucking idiot. Of course last night didn’t mean anything to him. I was just another fuck. I remembered all of the other stories he’d told us over the last couple years, the girl who kept calling him, the other woman who smelled like cats, the guy that kept forgetting his name. They all passed in a matter of seconds, a stream of jokes for our benefit. And now I was one of them. Just one of his stories.He slid the worksheet on my desk and paused.  
“Are you okay?” he asked softly, the tone of his voice almost making me remember the way he talked to me last night.  
“Fuck off.” I spat. He stuttered.  
“Wh-what?” he said, staring in disbelief.  
“I said, fuck off. Like, literally, get the fuck away from me.” I snarled.  
“Outside. Now.” He hissed. I glared at him.  
“Shove it up your ass.”  
“Outside.” He said, his voice losing all personality and becoming his strained, angry teacher voice. I slammed my hands on the table as I rose to my feet and stormed outside, slamming the door behind me. All was silent for a few moments, until he joined me back outside.  
“What the fuck was that?” he hissed. I stared at him, my blood boiling with anger. I wanted to scream at him, to call him every name under the sun, to punch him in his fucking face.  
What I did, though, was cry.  
I fell against his chest and he instinctually wrapped his arms around me, cradling me to him.  
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asked gently, stroking my hair. He smelled so good, so familiar, and my head felt light with confusion. I couldn’t work out if he really wanted me or not.  
“I…don’t mean anything.” I sobbed. He took a step back and held my face, staring into my eyes.  
“What do you mean you don’t mean anything?” he said sadly.  
“I’m just another fuck.” I breathed. He stared at me in confusion, then his eyes widened as he realized what had happened. He pulled me back into him, holding me tightly.  
“No, baby, no. Last night was perfect and you were perfect. I was just trying to laugh it off so nobody would suspect us. Baby, don’t ever think you aren’t important to me. Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He said, kissing the top of my head as I sobbed into his chest. I felt stupid, but reassured.  
“So I’m not a freak?” I said softly. He shook his head, his own eyes filling with tears.  
“No. You’re my beautiful, amazing boy and I’m absolutely crazy about you. Why do you think I’m so damn jealous all the time?” he said, then stopped abruptly. He clearly hadn’t meant to say that. I laughed a little.  
“You don’t need to be jealous. If last night is anything to go by, you don’t have any competition.” I smiled. He hummed happily, stroking my cheek.  
“I’m sorry if I made you feel unimportant.” He said solemnly. I smiled.  
“It’s…fine. I guess I just overreacted.”  
“Just look at me and remember the way I was last night. That’s how I am. That is me.” He said, holding my chin.  
“The real you is dressed up as a woman and bouncing on my dick?” I said, lowering my voice. He beamed at me.  
“Yes. Exactly.” He said happily, pulling me in for a final hug, before leading me back into the classroom. I caught Cameron’s eye as I walked in and he smiled timidly. Gerard’s grip tightened on my arm, and I subtly pushed his foot with mine. He gave me a hard look, but the side of his mouth twitched up as he returned to his desk. He picked up his pen and sucked it thoughtfully, and the image with his painted red lips wrapped around me the night before rose in my mind. Jesus.He smiled and dropped the pen.  
“I’m guessing you’ve all either finished your worksheets, or you haven’t started.” He said bluntly. The noise the class made a noise that indicated it was the latter. He laughed.  
“It’s fine. I’m not in the mood to rant on at you for an hour anyway.” He said, sitting down on the edge of my desk. That fucker. From this angle, I could see the faint dark black smudges under his eyes from where he’d unsuccessfully tried to remove his eye make up. My breath hitched and he looked down, smiling softly, even though he didn’t know why I was so ‘excited’. I moved my arm, which was resting on the table, slightly forward, so my fingers brushed his thigh. He smiled even wider and moved his leg up, giving me a better reach. It was subtle enough that nobody else would notice, even if they looked straight at us, but it was bold enough to send a thrill of excitement through my legs.  
“You’re being a bit presumptuous.” He murmured softly. I raised my eyebrows in confusion. He smirked.  
“My threat still stands.” He said curtly.  
“No it doesn’t.” I retorted. He looked surprised.  
“Why not?”  
“Because I haven’t graduated yet.” I teased. He nodded, as if he was considering that.  
“You raise a good point. There’s ways of getting around that, though.” He said softly.  
“Like what?” I asked. He didn’t respond, he just got to his feet and returned to sitting behind his desk, his pencil moving furiously on the paper in front of him. I sighed and dropped my eyes to the worksheet in front of me. I got a few of the questions done, but too soon, the bell rang. He looked up and smiled warmly.  
“You guys can go.” He said, turning back to his work. On a whim, I walked over to Cameron, who was packing his stuff away.  
“Hey, wait for me outside, okay?” I said. I could almost feel Gerard’s eyes on me as I spoke. Cameron’s face lit up and he nodded.  
“Yeah, sure thing.” He said, walking out of the classroom. I spun on my heel and smiled sheepishly at Gerard, who looked tired.  
“I feel like we’re going to talk about something upsetting.” He said. I smiled and walked over to his desk, taking his hand in mine.  
“Nope. I found a solution to everything.” I said happily. He raised an eyebrow.  
“Everything?”  
I quickly explained the situation with my Mom, and with my friends constantly digging around in my business. He nodded slowly.  
“I didn’t realize, but yes, that does sound problematic. How do you propose to fix it?” he asked. I chewed my lip.  
“I was thinking, that since Cameron likes me…”  
“Cameron likes you?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. I squeezed his hand.  
“Yes. But it’s okay, because I was thinking that I could pretend he was my boyfriend.” I said. His face dropped.  
“I’m not following.”  
“Well, I’ll introduce him to my Mom, and act like he’s my boyfriend in front of my friends and everything, so nobody has to find out about us, because they’ll just leave us alone.” I explained.  
“I’d be lying if I didn’t see the logic in that…but no.” I stared at him in shock.  
“What? It’s the perfect solution!” I cried.  
“And you’re just gonna tell him the truth? ‘Hey buddy, pretend to be my boyfriend so I can continue fucking my teacher?’” he asked. I chewed my lip.  
“Well, no.”  
“So he’d think that you were actually dating. And so would everyone else. That leaves me, sitting here, watching you in a relationship with someone else.”  
“But I’m doing it for you.” I insisted.  
“Are you?” he said coldly.  
“Yes? Why else?” I retorted. He sighed and pulled his hand out of my grasp.  
“I’m saying no. You’re mine, you always will be mine, and I will not share you. If you want to go around and get a new fuckthing, that’s fine, but don’t do it under the pretences of helping me.” He hissed. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and shook my head.  
“Gee, it’s not like that and you know it. I just want to be with you.” I said hoarsely.  
“I’d rather get caught than have you go through with this.” He said seriously. I pursed my lips.  
“Well, I wouldn’t. It’s worth a shot, right?” I said hopefully. He didn’t reply. I was aware that Cameron was still waiting outside.  
“I’m gonna go. We’ll talk about it once you’ve had a chance to think it over.” I said. He nodded, but didn’t respond. I leaned over his desk and he gave me a quick peck on the lips, but didn’t look at me, his eyes seemingly transfixed on the wall opposite. I sighed in frustration and walked out, where Cameron was still waiting outside. He smiled bashfully.  
“I didn’t know if you were still coming so I uh, thought I should wait.” He said nervously. I smiled.  
“Nope, it’s totally fine.” I said, walking down the hall with him. We were nearing the doors when my phone buzzed, and I answered it, apologizing to Cameron.  
Realising it was the other phone, I put it back in my pocket and tried to subtly switch. I didn’t think Cameron saw.  
“Hello?” I said softly.  
“I’m sorry.” He said, his voice shaking. He was crying. I wanted more than anything to be able to comfort him, but I knew I couldn’t, not with Cameron listening.  
“It’s fine.”  
“No it’s not. I’m just so scared. I know I’m so much older than you, and that being with me is…difficult. But I really-“  
“What?”  
“It doesn’t matter. Please, Frank, please reconsider.” He sobbed. I couldn’t stand putting him in pain, but I knew that this was the best way to get everyone off our backs, at least for the time being. It was better for us in the long-term.  
“I’ll think about it.”  
“You’re with him.” He said solemnly.  
“Yeah.”  
“Right. Call me when you’re not whoring yourself out for my benefit, then.” He snapped and hung up. I sighed and slid my phone back, smiling at Cameron, who looked concerned.  
“Is everything okay?” he asked.  
“Totally. Wanna come to my place? I think my Mom would like to meet you.”


	18. Frank Iero is a piece of shit

I was happy, but not entirely surprised, to see that my Mom and Cameron got on great. She thought that he was polite and sweet, and apparently, absolutely perfect for me. In an offhand comment in the kitchen while we cleaned up and he sat in the other room, she asked why I was so against bringing him home sooner. I told her that it was because I didn’t want to move things too fast, and she nodded understandingly.  
“He’s handsome, isn’t he?” she giggled, nudging me. I rolled my eyes and smiled at her, not saying anything.  
Truth be told, though, the longer I spent with him, the more I grew to like him. It turned out that we actually had a few classes together, and I felt bad for not noticing him sooner.  
“Don’t worry, I don’t speak much.” He said brightly, but I still felt bad. We spent most of the evening upstairs in my room, alternating between playing video games, reading comics and laying down on my bed, facing the ceiling, and just talking. The last one was my favorite. There was no pressure to impress him, or to say anything in particular, we just talked.  
“I’m worried about something.” I said. He turned his head so he was facing me.  
“What is it?”  
“I can’t tell you.”  
“That’s okay. I hope it works out.” He said simply, and I grinned. Hanging out with Cameron was so _easy._ There was no complications, no expectations and, as bad as it sounds, because I didn’t actually have feelings for him, there wasn’t any way they could get hurt. I felt his hand inch towards mine, his fingers brushing mine and I, being a selfish, despicable asshole, let him entwine our fingers, ignoring the way my stomach turned with guilt at the shy smile that spread across his face.  
“I like you a lot.” He said, still looking up at the ceiling.  
“Oh.”  
“It’s okay, I like hanging out with you, so you know. No pressure.” He laughed.  
“You’re actually okay with just being my friend?” I asked hopefully.  
“Well, yeah. For now, anyway.” He said.  
“That’s probably the bravest thing you’ve ever said, right?” I laughed. He smiled.  
“Yeah, it is. I’m glad you didn’t laugh at me, or I’d have cried.” He chuckled. I squeezed his fingers and stared back up. He sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes.  
“I should go.” He said. I nodded and led him downstairs, our hands still entwined. He thanked my Mom for dinner and I opened the door for him.  
“Thanks for inviting me over. I hope we can do this again.” He said softly. I dropped his hand and smiled.  
“Yeah, definitely.” I said. There was a moment of awkwardness where I thought he was going to kiss me, but he just hugged me quickly, and walked out. I shut the door behind him and took a deep breath. Cameron made me feel happy. It was as simple as that. Sitting upstairs, looking at my ceiling and talking about nothing had me more relaxed than I’d been all year. But that didn’t mean I was ready to drop Gerard for him – quite the opposite, actually. This time with Cameron only made me feel my need for Gerard more. I jogged up to my room and called him. He answered almost straight away.  
“Frank.” He breathed, sounding relieved. I smiled at the sound of his voice.  
“Hey.” I said softly.  
“How was it?” he asked, his voice nervous. I perched on my bed.  
“It was fine. My Mom totally bought it, and Cam seemed pretty happy to be friends with me. Just friends.” I said, hoping I was reassuring him.  
“I hate this.”  
“Baby, please.”  
“I really, really hate this. I just…I don’t know. Is it really necessary?” he pleaded.  
“You know it is.” I said tiredly.  
“I just feel so…irrelevant.” He mumbled.  
“You’re not irrelevant. You’re everything, Gee. You know that.”  
“He can give you so much more. You can go out in public, and kiss him and…whatever. You can just do so much more with him. What can I give you?” he asked, his voice shaking. I took a deep breath, knowing that I couldn’t bear to hear him crying.  
“You give me a reason to get out of bed. Gerard, please. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for you. I just need to go through the motions for a little while, just to throw everyone off. You know we’ve had some close calls.” I reminded him. He groaned.  
“I just…fuck, Frankie. It just hurts.” He said softly. I wished I could hold him and reassure him in person.  
“I know, baby, and I’m sorry. If there was anything else I could do, you know I’d do it.” I said, feeling guilt wash over me. Why the fuck had I held Cameron’s hand? The guy I loved was sitting at home in a pool of self-pity and anger, and I was flirting with some other guy? I was truly despicable.  
"You're...okay though. Right? I mean, you haven't-"  
"No. I'm fine. I mean, I thought about it-"  
"Gee." I sighed.  
"I did. But I didn't do it."  
"I'm so sorry." I murmured.  
“Come to my place tomorrow after school.” He said.  
“Okay.” I said with a small smile.  
“Goodnight, Frank.” He murmured. I smiled.  
“Yeah, night Gee.” I said, hanging up and collapsing onto my bed. I felt confused and guilty, and wished that this whole thing could end. I just wanted to be with Gerard – I didn’t want any of these other, confusing things to be involved. Just him and just me, and just us. Always just us.  
  
I saw Cameron before I saw Gerard which, in retrospect, wasn’t a great sign. Like yesterday, we didn’t have English until our very last lesson, and Cameron was in my Art class. He dropped into the seat next to me and smiled shyly.  
“Hey.” He said. I smiled back in greeting, and turned back to my sketch book.  
“Last night was fun.” He said, after a short pause. I gave him a smile – a real one this time.  
“Yeah, it was. It was cool hanging out with you.” I said. He blushed and I felt guilty. Again.  
“Maybe we could do it again? Maybe uh…tonight?” he asked sheepishly.  
“I can’t tonight, sorry.” I said, smiling. He nodded and turned back to his work, his ears red. I wanted to explain, but of course, I couldn’t. Not that I agreed, but I could see what Gerard meant about being with him being difficult. I shook the thought out of my mind and texted him to regain some normality.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(12:46pm)**  
I can’t stop thinking about you. <3  
  
It was true, even if I was only sending the message out of guilt. He replied pretty quickly, and I smiled, all doubt and uncertainty flooding out of me at the sight of his words.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(12:49pm)**  
Was just thinking the same thing. Not long until I can see you, baby. <3  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(12:50pm)**Can’t wait for tonight. Plans?? <3  
  
Cameron looked at me from the corner of his eye, and I flashed him a smile.  
“It’s ah, my Mom.” I explained. He smiled and nodded.  
“Can I be a bit forward?” he asked.  
“Hm?”  
“I never got your number.” He said. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Oh, yeah. Of course.” I said, scribbling it down without even thinking and handing it to him with a smile. The vibration coming from my pocket only a moment later acted as a reminder that I probably shouldn’t have done that, and the guilt was back.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(12:55pm)**  
Yes. Don’t want to say though ;) <3  
  
I nearly smiled, but realized that Cameron was looking at me, and disguised it as I replied.  
  
 **TO: Gee.**  
 **(12:56pm)** Aw come on baby? What does it involve? <3  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(12:57pm)**Your dick. You can choose where you put it, sweetheart, as long as it goes inside me. <3  
  
I gasped and slid my phone back in my pocket. My dick was starting to twitch in my jeans, and I knew that I couldn’t risk popping a boner with Cameron literally right there. I took a breath to calm myself, and turned myself towards him.  
“Are you sitting with us at lunch?” I asked conversationally. He beamed, then blushed. He was kinda cute, and it made my stomach flutter.  
“Do you want me to?” he asked quietly. I nodded, smiling at his uncertainty. He bit his lip and smiled. Without even thinking, I reached out and squeezed his hand, then retracted it quickly.  
God, why am I such a fucking mess?  
  
I walked with Cameron to lunch, but that didn’t stop me from scanning the room for Gerard. I saw him eventually, sitting in the same place as usual and, from the look of annoyance on his face, he’d clearly seen me too. I gave him a small smile, which he didn’t return. He just glared at Cameron and I as we reached our table. Joe and Chris were already sitting down, and beamed as we approached.  
“How are you guys doing?” Chris asked, sounding like he was ready to explode. Cameron slowly and shyly intertwined our fingers and smiled.  
“We’re good.” He said softly. My eyes trailed over to Gerard who was, at this point, absolutely livid. I could tell by the way he narrowed his eyes and flared his nostrils. I felt a buzz in my pocket and glared at him before sliding my phone out.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:37pm)**Please kindly ask your friend to take his hands off of my things.  
  
I looked at him, and he stared right back, his jaw clenching and unclenching, a cold fire in his eyes.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:38pm)** He’s not the one I’m going to be fucking later, is he? Calm, baby. I’m yours. <3  
  
I peeked up and watch his expression change as he read the text – it flitted between arousal and fondness. He looked up and shook his head, smiling, running his hand through his hair. I winked at him and turned back to my friends and Cameron, whose hand was still locked in mine.  
“English next.” Joe said, stretching. Chris groaned and dropped his head to the table.  
“It’s not that bad.” I found myself saying. Chris laughed.  
“That’s ‘cause you have a crush on Mr. Way.” He teased. I reddened.  
“I don’t.” I mumbled.  
“Cam, how many times have you seen Frankie staring at Mr. Way’s ass during class?” Joe said bluntly. Cameron giggled.  
“Um, a lot. Like, every time he moves.” He said. I stared open-mouthed at him, and shoved him playfully.  
“Hey, you’re meant to be on my side!” I laughed. He rested his head on my shoulder and smiled up at me.  
“Sorry.” He giggled, and I smiled back.  
“Get a room, losers.” Joe said, but he was smiling, clearly proud of himself for matching us so well. I had to hand it to him, under any other circumstances, Cameron would have been perfect, but he was a star that couldn’t outshine the sun.  
  
Despite the complications I knew it would bring, I walked with Cameron to English, and was surprised to see Gerard already at his desk. I swallowed my guilt at having not noticed him walk past and sat down at my desk. He quirked his eyebrows up and smiled softly at me. I smiled back, glad he wasn’t mad at me.  
“Okay, so today we’re gonna be focusing mainly on the characters in the book, alright? So your task for today is to find your favourite character and write a small description of them. I want quotes, with page numbers, and deep analysis. Okay?” he asked, and the class groaned. He chuckled and shrugged.  
“Not all lessons can be easy, can they?” he laughed. The class, including me,dragged their books out of their bags and began writing. I decided that I wanted to write mine about Atticus, mainly because his thigh-rubbing was what got us in this damn situation in the first place. I could feel Gerard’s eyes on me for a long time before I looked up. He seemed to be debating something, his mouth stretched into a small smile, before shaking his head and looking back down at his desk, picking up his pencil and adding more to the drawing that he’d been working on all year. I’d never seen any of his drawings, but I heard they were really, really good. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, a small smile on my face. It dropped, however, when I realized that it wasn’t Gerard messaging me. I pursed my lips and grabbed my other phone from my other pocket.  
  
 **FROM: UNKNOWN.**  
(2:56pm)  
Hey, it’s Cam! :)  
  
I turned around and smiled at him, and he beamed back, his face going an adorable pink colour.  
“Iero, stop turning around.” Gerard said, his voice sounding bored. I raised an eyebrow at him.  
“Jealous?” I mouthed. He locked his eyes on mine, his jaw clenching as he nodded.  
“You’re mine.” He mouthed back. I nodded and smiled, and his lips quirked up briefly. I rolled my eyes with a smile and turned my attention back to my work. I didn’t even notice that Gerard had started walking around the room, under the pretence of checking students’ work, when he slid a note onto my desk.  
  
“ _I’ll pick you up across the street after school. If you look behind you at your little fucktoy one more time, I’ll spank you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. <3 – G.”_  
  
I waited until he’d got back to the front of the room, and made deliberate eye contact with me. He raised his eyebrows, and I nodded briskly, making him bite his lip in anticipation. I held his gaze for a moment more before, slowly, turning around and smiling at Cameron, who gave me a short wave back. I turned back and gave Gerard a smug grin. He replied by shaking his head solemnly.  
“Punishments.” He mouthed, returning to his desk. I blushed, feeling excitement running through my thighs – I couldn’t wait.


	19. Sex and not much else

As promised, Gerard was waiting for me in his car, parked in front of the store across the road from school. Trying to look as casual as possible, I slid into the passenger seat and turned, smiling at him. He looked at me for a moment, his face serious, his eyebrows furrowed, like he was examining me. Then, slowly, he reached over and held my face in both of his hands, breathing softly as he pressed his lips gently to mine. My eyelids flickered shut as I kissed him back. His tongue slid lazily over mine, a small whine rising at the back of his throat. I smiled against his lips and pulled away.  
“What was that for?” I asked. He didn’t say anything, just smiled softly at me and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.  
“You’re beautiful.” He murmured. I blushed and he smiled, kissing me softly again, before turning his attention back to the steering wheel, and pulling away from the curb.  
“So how was your day?” he asked lightly. I raised my eyebrows and chuckled.  
“It was fine, thanks. Some douchebag kept sending me dirty messages though.” I said. He laughed.  
“Really? How irresponsible. Education is important, you know.” He said, beaming.  
“Of course it is.” I said rolling my eyes. He took one hand off of the steering wheel and held my hand.  
“It is. I wouldn’t be a teacher if it wasn’t.” he said honestly. I laughed.  
“Are you sure it’s not just to pick up guys?” I teased. He smiled.  
“Well, yeah, that too.” He said with a wink.  
“How was _your_ day?” I asked. He groaned.  
“Stressful. I had some of my worst classes today. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, some douchebag kept making me pop a boner during class, so I had to hide behind my desk the whole time.” He said with a sly smile. I smiled and squeezed his hand.  
“Did I really?” I asked, beaming. He pressed his lips together and nodded, his eyes focused on the road.  
“You always do. I just think about that night…feeling you push into me, filling me up, feeling your hands on my waist, your cum inside me…”  
“Jesus, Gerard.” I breathed. He smiled, his teeth catching on his lip.  
“See? It’s very easy to get hard over you, Frankie.” He murmured, parking the car. He didn’t live that close to school, but close enough that we had to be careful. He slid out of the car and unlocked the front door, and I followed him a couple of minutes later, just to reduce the likelihood of us being caught together.  
Inside the house, he hung my coat up for me and pulled me into his arms. I rested my head against his chest and sighed. He was so soft and warm, his smell almost overpowering me. I could feel his heart beating under my head and smiled. He kissed the top of my head affectionately.  
“God, I’ve wanted to hold you all day.” He murmured into my hair. I snuggled deeper into his arms, smiling blissfully.  
“You have me now.” I said. He tilted my head up and pressed a warm kiss to my lips.  
“I do, don’t I?” he said cocking an eyebrow. The way his voice dropped made me blush, my cock twitching in my jeans. He slid a hand down my chest and cupped me through my jeans, fondling me until I was fully hard. I bit back a moan and ground myself into his hand.  
“I have a punishment to give you, remember?” he said darkly. I nodded. He grabbed me roughly by the wrist and led me to the kitchen table.  
“Get naked and bend over. I’ll be back in a minute.” He said coldly, before sweeping out of the room. I dropped my clothes to the floor and bent over the table as I was told. The table was cold and felt uncomfortable against my already freezing body. I hadn’t even heard him come back, but suddenly felt his hands grabbing my wrists.  
“I’m going to tie you up, and then I’m going to give you your punishment.” He said, binding my wrists behind my back with what felt like a tie.  
“If you want me to stop, you will say “end”. I will not stop until you say that, no matter how much you beg and plead. However, as soon as you say that, I will stop straight away.” He said, his voice formal and unfeeling. His hand wrapped around my cock and I moaned until I realized what he was doing.  
“Gee, please.” I whined as he slid the cock ring on.  
“If you didn’t want it, you shouldn’t have been such a slut.” He said, kissing my shoulder. I felt his hand against my bare ass and whimpered.  
“I’m going to hit you as many times as I deem necessary. As I said, you can stop me whenever you want to, but I think you deserve this punishment, so I encourage you to be a good bitch and just take it.” He said in that same cold, businesslike manner.  
“If you make too much noise, Frank, I will gag you. In the event that I have to do that, you will let me know that you want to stop by kicking my leg three times, and I’ll stop. Am I understood?” he said. Damn, he was good.  
“Yes sir.” I murmured. He stroked a hand once through my hair, and I heard the unmistakable noise of a belt being undone. My eyes widened as I waited for the first hit.  
If anyone ever tells you that being spanked doesn’t hurt, they’re lying. The first lash caused me to cry out, unable to stop myself. Gerard ran a hand down where he’d just hit and made a soft, unidentifiable noise, before bringing the belt back down on my skin. Each time he brought the belt down, I cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure. The pain seared through my skin, but the pleasure ran down straight to my cock, hanging heavy and leaking between my legs. With each hit, Gerard’s moans and pants of pure pleasure got louder and heavier.  
“So good for me, Frankie. Such a good little bitch, aren’t you?”  
“Yes sir.” I panted through the tears streaming down my face.  
“Just gonna take your punishment like the slut you are. Look at you; you’re hard as well. Fucking loving this, aren’t you?” he sneered, hitting me again. I cried out and moaned simultaneously. The pain was almost unbearable, but the pleasure was unimaginable. I’d never felt anything like it before. Each time he hit me, I had to stop myself from telling him to stop, because soon after the pain ebbed and died, the pleasure would come roaring through my system. Eventually, though, I began to feel an unpleasant numbness, and a dizziness in my head. I grabbed the table, my fingers digging into the wood.  
“S-sir. Please.” I whispered. He took no notice and continued lashing me. I looked over my shoulder and saw him looking at me with a mixture of lust and rage, his red hair falling over his eyes. He was panting and sweating, and my cock throbbed. He hit me again and I buried my face into the table.  
“S-stop.” I sobbed. He hesitated for a moment before hitting me again, softer this time. I knew that he wanted to wait for my safeword, but I wasn’t sure that I wanted to give it yet.  
“End.” I said weakly wishing I hadn’t almost straight away. He was silent for a few seconds, before reaching forward and untying my wrists and removing my cock ring. I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to stand up, but he stopped me.  
“Stay still, honey. You’re bleeding.” He said softly, and left the room. I reached back and touched the tender, sore skin and saw that, sure enough, I was bleeding. I chewed my lip and waited for him to come back. He did, soon enough, and kissed me softly on the forehead.  
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern. I smiled at him.  
“Yeah. I just…I don’t know. I needed to stop.” I said, feeling embarrassed. He cupped my cheek and kissed me again.  
“Don’t feel bad. It was your first time.” He said, stroking my hair, then kneeling down behind me. I hissed in pain as he cleaned my wounds and rubbed some sort of cream into my skin.  
“How’s that?” he asked carefully.  
“Better, thanks.” I breathed. He responded by kissing me gently, his mouth brushing over the sore skin.  
“I feel like you’ve done this before.” I said, not really wanting to hear the answer, and feeling slightly sick when I felt him smile against my skin. He pressed gentle but urgent kisses to my skin, stopping at the crevice between my cheeks. He was still for a moment, before I felt his tongue slide out, lapping gently at my hole. I gasped and pushed back against him, and he laughed briefly before continuing, using his thumbs to push my cheeks to the side. I’d never had anything like this done to me before, and I couldn’t even describe how it felt.  
“I…you don’t have to do that.” I whispered. I couldn’t imagine it was particularly pleasant for him. He moaned.  
“Want to, Frankie. You taste so good.” He breathed, moving his tongue rapidly against me.  
“Are you sure?” I asked, still uncertain.  
“Mmph. Wanted to eat your ass since the first day I met you, sweetheart.” He moaned. I blushed and rested my head on the table, mewling with pleasure.  
“Sweetheart?” he said suddenly, stopping.  
“Mm?”  
“You ever fingered yourself before?” he asked, his voice husky.  
“Um. No.” I admitted softly. He stood up and wrapped his arms around my waist, turning me around so I was facing him. He pressed his lips to mine, pulling me into a sloppy, lazy kiss. I could taste myself on his tongue, but surprisingly I wasn’t particularly bothered by it.  
“Let me know if this hurts.” He said, picking me up and sitting me on the table. It actually felt good with the cool wood under my sore skin, and I smiled at him. He leaned in and claimed my mouth in another kiss, his hand sliding between my legs.  
“C’mon Frankie, spread your legs for me like a good slut.” He sighed. I moaned and opened my legs, and he smirked against my mouth, pressing his first finger inside me. I was immediately grateful that he’d slicked me up first, because even considering that, it still gave a dull burn as it slid in.  
“How’s that, baby?” he asked, his breath heavy. I moaned and nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him roughly. He pushed his finger in all the way to the knuckle, and I was already clenching around him, begging him for more.  
Without a word, his slipped his second finger inside me, and I cried out in pleasure, my head dropping to his shoulder. He cradled to me with one hand and fucked me with the other.  
“Not long until I can fuck you, baby. Like this. I’ll sit you on the table and fuck you like this. You want that?” he asked, the excitement in his voice almost tangible. I moaned and nodded, loving the feeling of his fingers stretching me out, brushing past my prostrate occasionally and making me cry out.  
“God, baby. Have you decided where you want to put your dick?” he asked, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. My breathing was jagged, and I was surprised I could even speak.  
“I want to fuck you.” I said hoarsely. He moaned and pulled me closer, sliding his fingers out of me and holding me closer to him.  
“That’s my boy, sweetheart.” He murmured. I wrapped my legs around him and he helped me off of the table. It was hard to stand with my ass in so much pain, but I managed.  
“Where do you want me?” he asked, resting his forehead against mine.  
“On top of me.” I replied, without missing a beat. He grinned. I held his hand and pulled him over to the sofa, pulling him on top of me. I leaned up and kissed him, pushing off his suit jacket and tearing his shirt off, not caring when the buttons popped and fell onto the floor.  
“Jesus, Frank.” He laughed. With some maneuvering, we managed to wiggle his pants and boxers off and threw them on the floor with his other discarded clothes. He leaned forward and captured my lips in a kiss, rising up onto his knees.  
“Don’t you need to…prep?” I said awkwardly. He grinned.  
“Already did, sweetheart.” He murmured and I moaned, imagining him fingering himself open, getting ready for me.  
“When?” I asked, heart racing. He smirked.  
“Staff toilets, just after I finished texting you.” He said proudly. The thought of him not only touching himself, but doing it in _public_ and because of _me_ was almost too much to handle.  
“Fuck, let me…just…” I gasped, unable to form a coherent sentence. He nodded understandingly and sunk down onto my painfully hard cock, moaning lightly as he did. He took a moment to adjust, before he starting rolling his hips up and down, his head falling back, his eyes closed.  
“F-Frank.” He stammered, his head coming forward again as he kissed me. I held his hips and helped him as he bounced up and down on me, his breath jagged and heavy. Once again, he was warm and tight, and I was dangerously close to cumming inside him within minutes. I tried to hold off as best I could, but he was so damn hot that it was proving to be a challenge. His eyes squeezed shut as strings of profanities poured out of his beautiful, full lips. In desperation to get him off before me, I grabbed his cock and pumped it in time with me fucking him. He made a loud, guttural moan as he pushed himself harder and faster down onto me.  
“Frank, baby. Not gonna last much longer.” He panted, resting his head on my shoulder, I kissed his neck, debating on adding more lovebites to the ones that still hadn’t healed, but deciding against it.  
“Please, Gee. Cum for me, baby, please.” I moaned into his ear. Almost as if he’d planned it, his breath stuttered and he cried out as he came, covering both of us. I didn’t care; I was too busy chasing my own orgasm. He lay limp and exhausted against me, but still rolled his hips down onto me.  
“Cum inside me, Frankie. Please, I need you to-“ he moaned, but he never got to finish, as I came, digging my fingers into his back and almost screaming his name. I collapsed when I was done, and he fell down against me. I could feel him smiling against my chest, and I stroked his hair softly.  
  
After a few moments of lying there in complete bliss, he reached up and kissed me softly. I laughed and flipped us over so I was on top of him. He smiled adoringly up at me. I looked at his arm and saw the thick, red lines still etched into his porcelain skin. I chewed my lip and traced them with my finger. His breath hitched, but he didn’t say anything as I followed the lines gently.  
“Does it hurt?” I asked weakly. He shook his head.  
“Not anymore. It’s just a bit itchy.” He said, smiling. I cupped his cheek.  
“I love you.” I breathed. It was the first time I’d said it (apart from when I’d been coming down from a mind-blowing orgasm, but I didn’t count that). He didn’t seem surprised, he just kissed me gently.  
“And I love you.” He said softly.  
“I only ever wanna do what’s best for us. You know that, right?” I asked sheepishly. His smile turned sad.  
“I do. I just don’t want to lose you. I can’t bear to watch him touching you, like you’re his.” He sighed. I held his chin, forcing him to look into my eyes.  
“I’m yours.” I said simply.  
“Do you like him? You know. Like that?” he asked.  
“Not even a little bit.” I lied, feeling my heart sink at the look of relief that passed over his features. He pulled me down, so my head was resting on his chest and chuckled.  
“Let’s just sleep, okay, Frankie? Let’s just fall asleep.” He said sleepily. I kissed the base of his throat.  
“M’kay.” I yawned. He chuckled and I looked up to see him staring at me.  
“What?” I asked, a small smile creeping over my face. He shook his head, smiling.  
“I’m so in love with you.” He breathed, holding me tightly to him, like he never wanted to let go.


	20. Out of my mind

I couldn’t fucking walk. And I don’t mean that I was uncomfortable, or that I was in pain. I mean that I really couldn’t walk. Each time I tried, my sore, raw ass rubbed against my jeans and caused unbearable pain that literally made my legs shake so much that I couldn’t walk.  
 **  
TO: Gee.  
(7:56am)**  
I can’t fucking walk. Asshole.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(7:58am)**  
Neither can I, so we’re equal.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(7:59am)**  
No. I just fucked you too hard. You spanked me until I bled.  
 **  
FROM: Gee.  
(8:01am)**  
You deserved it and you know it. Slut. <3  
  
I smiled and rolled my eyes, groaning as I stood up. When he told me I wouldn’t be able to walk today, I hadn’t actually _believed_ him.  
I should have seen it coming, though. After he drove me home, I went to get a shower and caught the sight of my ass in the mirror. It was covered with red and purple bruises and I winced even at the sight of it. I should have known it’d hurt even more in the morning.  
My Mom called up the stairs to tell me to hurry up or I’d be late. Wincing in pain, I dragged my bag onto my back and marched out the door, stopping to kiss my Mom on the cheek as I left.  
“Frankie? Why not invite Cameron over to dinner tonight?” she asked brightly. I blushed.  
“Sure, Mom.” I mumbled. I knew I had to do it now as well, or else risk her probing questions about my (fake) relationship. I groaned as I shut the door, praying that Gerard hadn’t wanted to see me today.  
  
The walk to school was one of the most painful things I’d ever had to endure. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to make it. I felt like my skin was literally on fire, and each step only made it worse. Eventually, though, I made it, and had to go through the intense trouble of smiling at my friends, as if there wasn’t anything wrong with me. Cameron was sitting with them when I walked in, which made a wave of annoyance rise in me. Why was he so damn _clingy_? As I approached, his face lit up, and I felt that familiar flutter in my stomach - the one that was saved for Gerard’s little smirks, or the way he smiles after a joke, or the way his lips feel against mine. Yet here I was, stomach-fluttering because of someone else.  
“You look nice today.” He said brightly, his mouth pulling into a wider smile. I smiled back.  
“Thanks, Cam. You look great too.” I said, using the nickname easily. He blushed and smiled, and my stomach fluttered again, much to my despair. Chris and Joe just sat there, beaming like complete idiots.  
“Don’t you two have anything better to do?” I said as the bell rang. They shrugged almost simultaneously.  
“Not really. You two are too cute.” Chris mocked, pushing me into Cameron who shyly slid his hand into mine. I held his hand and smiled, trying desperately to ignore the ocean of guilt that flooded my lungs.  
“How about you stop trying to get me laid and focus on yourselves?” I snapped, though I smiled to show I wasn’t really angry. Joe stretched nonchalantly and shrugged.  
“I’ve got plans this weekend, bro.”  
“Yeah, hot date with your right hand.” I bit back. Chris laughed and high-fived me, and Joe grasped his heart like he was hurt.  
“Damn, Iero, you get a new slampiece and suddenly you’re mean? I don’t like it.” He said. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to Cameron.  
“We’ve got History now, right?” I asked. He nodded, and, giving Joe and Chris a quick goodbye wave, we walked together.  
  
To get to the History building, you have to walk out of the main building and across the school campus. I did it all the time without worry, but this time, I felt on edge, and didn’t know why.  
“You okay?” Cameron asked, sensing my trouble. I smiled.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I said, my eyes locking on the building. I was so focused on getting there that I nearly didn’t noticed the red-haired man leaning against the side of the building, a cigarette between his lips.  
He, however, had definitely seen me. He smirked around the cigarette and took another pull before walking towards us, the smoke billowing out of his nose.  
“Shouldn’t you two be in class?” he said in his best strict teacher voice. Cameron stammered beside me, trying to think of an excuse, and I fought the urge to laugh. It was easy to forget that not everyone had seen him crying and begging to be fucked.  
“We’re on our way there.” I cut in. Gerard smirked and took another long, thoughtful pull on his cigarette.  
“Is there any reason why you two are…attached?” he said, sneering.  
“We were just walking.” Cameron said quietly. Gerard shifted his gaze from my eyes over to Cameron, his face becoming bored and tired.  
“I can see that.” He murmured, looking back at me.  
“Well, better run along then.” He mocked, putting the cigarette back in his mouth.  
“Kiss my ass.” I said partially under my breath, but making sure he heard. Cameron gasped from beside me, but I was more amused with Gerard’s response. His eyebrows lifted, his mouth forming a shocked smile and then falling into a smirk. He was at a complete loss for words, and we both knew it.  
“See you in class.” He purred, turning away, dropping his cigarette on the floor.  
“C’mon Frank.” Cameron said quietly. We walked along for a bit before I realized that there was something up.  
“What’s up?” I asked. Cameron shrugged.  
“I don’t know. Mr. Way is a really weird guy.” He said, furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Yeah, just ignore him. He thinks he’s cool just because half of the girls in the school wanna fuck him.” I laughed.  
“You want to as well.” Cameron pointed out. I tried my hardest to keep my expression neutral.  
“Nah. He’s too much of a self-absorbed asshole.” I lied. Cameron smiled, looking somewhat relieved, and we walked into class together, apologizing for being late. Our teacher barely looked up and just waved us to our seats, so we sat at the back at adjoining desks. He smiled shyly at me and took my hand again, letting them drop beneath the table. To my delight, Cameron didn’t seem particularly interested in History either, so we just sat and whispered to each other for most of the lesson.  
“Hey, wanna come over tonight?” I said. I tried to ignore the hopeful look that lit up his face at my words.  
“Yeah, that’d be great.” He said, squeezing my hand fondly. My mind flashed back to Gerard the night before and I slid my hand out of Cameron’s, smiling at him to soften the blow. Of course I was in love with Gerard and, at the end of the day, he was the main reason I was doing what I was doing with Cameron. But that didn’t mean I was completely immune to Cameron’s bright smile, or the way he blushed so easily, or even his big blue puppy dog eyes. When I thought of Gerard, I thought of a forest fire, beautiful, untamable and hypnotizing. Cameron, however, was a soft, still lake; calming and safe. I slid my phone out of my pocket as it buzzed against my leg, not even needing to check which one it was. I made sure to open the message under the table where my teacher (and, of course, Cameron) couldn’t see.  
 **  
FROM: Gee.  
(9:34am)**  
Is your offer to kiss your ass still open, sweetheart? ;)  
  
I chewed my lip and looked away, pretending to stare out the window. God, this was fucking difficult.  
 **  
TO: Gee.  
(9:36am)**  
For you? Always.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.**  
(9:37am)  
Glad to hear it. :) Teaching a class atm, talk to you later.  
I love you <3  
  
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. This was getting way too fucking difficult. All I wanted was to distract everyone from my relationship (if you could call it that) with Gerard, and all it did was make me distract myself.

 **TO: Gee.  
(9:41am)**  
I love you too. <3  
  
“You okay?” Cameron asked gently. I looked up and smiled.  
“Yeah. Just…I don’t know. Stuff.” I laughed. He held my hand again, and I let him, because I was confused and guilty, and his hand was warm.  
“It’s okay. You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He said sweetly. I groaned internally. He was so _nice._ Why? I smiled sadly.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, I just…I don’t even know where I’d start. It’s all jumbled in my head.” I sighed. He rubbed soothing circles into my hand with his thumb, smiling softly.  
“It’s okay, don’t force it. Things tend to clear themselves up if you just leave them.” He beamed. I shook my head.  
“You’re too nice to me.” I sighed. He tilted his head in confusion.  
“I don’t see why I shouldn’t be.” He said, his voice dripping with honesty. I laughed bitterly.  
“Because I’m an asshole.” I said simply. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.  
“No, you’re not.” He said firmly. I smiled at him and looked down at my book. He had no idea just how bad a person I really was, and the worst part was that I was too selfish to tell him. Even without the confusion of my feelings (which were, as much as I hated to admit it, growing towards him), I was still using him. I knew deep down that it’d be easier on him, Gerard and me for me to just stop, but I couldn’t. I was getting used to having him around and, even more importantly, I loved the freedom of being able to see Gerard whenever I wanted and not have to answer to anyone. It was, on paper, the ideal agreement. Except, it wasn’t an agreement. Cameron had no idea he was being used, and Gerard had already told me how much he hated the idea. That just left me, conflicted and confused.  
  
I managed to limp and hobble my way through my classes, constantly cursing Gerard for being such a literal pain in my ass. Cameron looked at me with concern, but I just assured him that I’d hurt my back lifting weights, and that it’d probably heal soon enough.  
Though, that wasn’t necessarily true. When I walked into lunch with Cameron’s arm around my waist, Gerard gave me a look that suggested that he’d like nothing more than to bend me over and spank me until I passed out, safeword be damned. I gave him a hard look, which he returned with a possessive glare that made me flush with heat. He smirked, clearly seeing the effect he’d had on me, but his eyes stayed dark and fixed on me.  
“How’s your back?” Cameron asked, concern filling his face. I smiled at him fondly.  
“It’s better.” I smiled.  
“I don’t have to come over tonight, if you just wanted to relax and –“  
“No, it’s fine. I want you to come.” I said and he blushed. I felt my hand reach up and touch his cheek before I realized I was doing it. He stared at me, his lips pressed together as I slid my fingertips across his reddened cheeks. I dropped my hand and smiled, shaking my head.  
“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.” I laughed. He grabbed my wrist and pulled my hand back up to his cheek, leaning into my touch. I smiled, and he smiled adoringly back.  
My moment of peace was disturbed by a loud bang. Gerard was sitting with his hand flat on the table, taking deep breaths, his red hair hanging in his face. His eyes flickered up to mine for only a moment before he got to his feet and stormed out of the lunch hall, apparently not aware that everyone was looking at him.  
“That guy is so weird.” Chris mumbled. Cameron nodded enthusiastically.  
“C’mon guys, he probably has a lot going on.” I said, trying to mentally untie the knot in my stomach. To my surprise, they agreed with me.  
“Yeah. You know he cuts himself, right?” Chris said. Cameron’s eyes widened.  
“What? No!” he said, putting a hand to his mouth in shock. Chris nodded slowly, solemnly. Like he actually gave a shit.  
“Yeah, I saw it in class one time.” He said, shaking his head.  
“Maybe that’s not what it was.” I said, trying to throw them off. I knew he wouldn’t want them knowing. I thought to last night, the way my fingertips ran across the thin red lines.  
“It definitely was.” Chris said. Cameron shook his head sadly.  
“Poor guy.” He murmured. Poor guy indeed.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(2:08pm)**  
You okay, baby? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen. I love you more than you can imagine. <3  
  
I rested my phone on my lap and felt relief when he responded.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(2:10pm)**  
I’m okay, I just needed to get out. I love you too, sweetheart. See you in a few. <3  
 ****  
TO: Gee.  
(2:11pm)  
I’m so sorry, honey. <3  
  
He didn’t reply to the last one, but I just told myself that it was because he was getting ready for the lesson. I tried to tune back into the conversation being held by my friends, but my mind kept wandering, so I gave up. Cameron gave my shoulder an encouraging squeeze, but pretty much left me alone, which I was grateful for.  
Even as we walked to class, he kept a distance away from me. His short, concerned looks were slightly annoying, but appreciated that he was trying. We walked into class without a work, and I sat down without even looking at Gerard, afraid of what I’d see. Turns out though, he had other plans, as he kneeled down in front of me, smiling at me shyly. His eyes were red and swollen, and I sighed.  
“I made you cry.” I said bluntly. He gave a strained giggle.  
“It’s okay.”  
“Is it?”  
“I promise. I wanted to ask you something, since I know I won’t get the chance to after school.” He said, shooting a glare at Cameron.  
“Shoot.” I said.  
“Stay with me this weekend.” He said softly, a smile playing around his lips. I beamed, feeling a pleasant warmth spread through me at his words. He really wanted to spend all weekend with me?  
“Okay.” I said, smiling.  
“By the way, how’s your ass?” he asked, tilting his head. I grimaced.  
“Hurts like a bitch.” I mumbled.  
“Mine too.” He laughed, and I just rolled my eyes at him. He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, and then stopped last minute, standing up and addressing the class. Admittedly, I barely listened. I was too busy thinking about what we’d get up to on the weekend.  
  
  
I could tell that something was bothering Cameron, even if he didn’t want to tell me. We’d been sitting in my room for the last three hours, and he’d barely said a word to me.  
“C’mon Cam.” I said, nudging him. He sighed.  
“I just. I like you, Frank. Y’know? I really like you. And I just don’t know what’s happening here.” He said, the words bursting from him. I blushed from guilt and looked down.  
“What do you mean?”  
“One minute you’re acting like you like me too, and the next, we’re just friends. It’s infuriating.” He groaned. I bit my lip and held his hand, liking the way his soft skin was becoming familiar against my hand.  
“I’m sorry. I’m a bit of a mess.” I laughed. He smiled a little bit.  
“It’s fine. I just…do you like me? In that way?” he asked. My heart raced in my chest. Now could be my chance to end everything without compromising our friendship. All I had to say is that I only saw him as a friend.  
I nodded.  
“Yeah, I do. It’s just complicated.” I said, the words coming out before I could stop them. He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. His smell wasn’t like Gerard’s warm, musky scent, but was sweeter and lighter. My head didn’t quite fit on his chest as nicely as it did on Gerard’s, but it was comfortable enough.  
“Things are only complicated if you make them complicated.” He murmured, pulling away. I smiled sadly.  
“I did make it complicated. It’s my entire fault. That’s part of the complication.” I groaned. He put a hand on my chin, and I knew exactly what he was going to do. A part of me wanted to stop him, and a part of me wanted him to hurry up and do it already. While I was busy trying to figure out what part to listen to, he kissed me, and the only thing I was worried about was that, in that moment, I wasn’t thinking about Gerard. Not even a little bit.


	21. The Weekend (part 1)

‘Feeling bad’ was an understatement. Cameron had realized that he’d messed up, and apologized, and I said it was okay, but it wasn’t. The kiss itself wasn’t the problem – even Gerard probably knew that it was inevitable. The problem was how much I genuinely wanted it. There wasn’t a single strand of resistance in my whole body. Hell, I’d have kept on kissing him if he hadn’t pulled away and apologized. Jesus, I was such a fucking mess.  
Once he’d left, I asked my Mom if I could stay at ‘his’ house, and she agreed happily. I’d meant to call Gerard and tell him the good news, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The way I saw it, I had two options: I could tell him and break his heart, or I could hide it and have the guilt gnaw away at me until I ended up blurting it out anyway. Wanting to put off facing him, I just texted him like the coward I was.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(8:57pm)**  
Mom said I can stay over. See you tomorrow.  
  
I knew it was blunt, but I wasn’t in the mood for pleasantries. I just wanted to sleep, but I knew it was too early and my Mom would suspect something was up. I groaned and kicked my bedside table. Why was my whole life becoming about secrets? Hiding Cam from Gerard, hiding Gerard from…everyone. It was too much to keep up with. I laughed a bit at that – I wasn’t normally one to play the victim. I knew that this was all my fault, but it didn’t make it any easier – if anything, it made me feel worse.  
Of course, Gerard knew me far too well and called me. I groaned, hoping I’d have the strength to keep my damn mouth shut.  
“Hello?” I said softly.  
“Something happened.” He said. It wasn’t a question.  
“Not really.”  
“Not _really_?” he asked incredulously.  
“We didn’t fuck.” I said simply. He took in a shaky breath.  
“You kissed him.”  
“He kissed me.” I argued. He sighed.  
“I see.” He said quietly. He was quiet for a long time, and I was too afraid to say anything, so I just waited.  
“How was it?” he asked hoarsely.  
“Fine. It wasn’t anything special. Nothing like you.”  
“I don’t need to hear that right now.” He laughed bitterly.  
“What do you want me to say?”  
“The truth. Tell me you loved it. Tell me that you wished you didn’t have to stop, but that you felt guilty, so you made yourself. I already know that I’m not much more than a damn inconvenience, so you may as well just say it.” He said, his voice switching between rage and despair.  
“It was nice. It felt nice to kiss him, okay? Yes, I liked it. But, Gerard, I love you. I love you so much that there’s not room in me to love anything else. It’s just you, okay?” I said.  
“I know, sweetheart. It’s okay.” He said sadly.  
“You can see how this is good for us, right?” I asked.  
“Yeah, I do. I mean, you can stay with me, right? That’s huge.” He said, and I felt a wave of relief – he still wanted me to stay with him.  
“Yeah. I just feel so bad and confused all the time.” I groaned.  
“Do you want to be with him?” he asked softly. I was silent for a moment, and heard him pull in a shaky breath. Did I?  
“No. I want you. I’ve always only wanted you. Whatever’s happening with him doesn’t mean anything, okay? It’s just you.” I said.  
“Goodnight, Frank. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said wearily.  
“Okay, night. I love you.” I said.  
He hung up.  
  
I spent all morning getting ready, and when I was done with that, I cleaned my room and did whatever homework I still had lying around. Basically, anything I could find to distract myself, I did.  
He texted me at about 2:00 to tell me he was waiting down the road for me, and my legs shook as I approached his car. I tried to gauge the expression on his face, but the windows were too dark, so I slid in, not knowing what was going to happen.  
What did happen was that he smiled at me and pulled me in for a kiss, his mouth turning up against mine.  
“Hello, beautiful.” He smiled, stroking my cheek. I beamed at him.  
“You’re in a good mood.” I said, putting my seatbelt on. He laughed as he pulled away from the curb.  
“Why wouldn’t I be? A whole weekend with you? I can’t think of anything I’d want more than that.” He said, looking at me fondly. I bit my lip and held his hand tightly, feeling the rough, calloused fingers close around mine. He wasn’t as soft, but he was familiar and safe, and oh my God, I loved him.  
“So, what did you wanna do, then?” he said. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Well, in the nicest way possible, there’s not much we can do in public, is there?” I said. He nodded, his face dropping a little.  
“We could, we’d just have to make it look like we weren’t together.” He said smiling.  
“What like, buy two separate seats for the movies and then leave separately?” I laughed. His eyes lit up.  
“Yes. That. We’ll do that.” He said warmly. I laughed.  
“Oh God.” I said, running a hand through my hair. He furrowed his eyebrows.  
“What, do you not want to?” he asked softly. I squeezed his hand.  
“Of course I do.”I said reassuringly. He twisted his hand out of mine and instead rested it high up on my thigh.  
“It’s better than spending the whole weekend fucking, right?” he said with a smirk.  
“I suppose so.” I said, leaning back in the seat. I looked out the window and furrowed my eyebrows.  
“Um, Gee, you missed your house.” I said softly. He smiled.  
“I’m going the long way. He said, his hand sliding up my leg. He pressed his palm against me through my jeans and I moaned, thrusting up to meet his touch.  
“Mmh, sorry Frankie…I just can’t keep my hands off of you.” He moaned softly, his hand moving up to undo the buttons on my jeans. I gasped and let my head fall back against the seat.  
“Surely it’s not safe to do this while you’re driving.” I panted. He raised an eyebrow.  
“I think you’re making the false assumption that I’ve never done this before.” He said coolly. I rose up slightly so he could slide my jeans down, wincing as they passed over my ass.  
“Still sore, sweetheart?” he asked, some real concern in his voice. I gave him an easy smile.  
“It’s fine. It’s kinda hot like, I can still feel you.” I said, blushing. He smiled at that, and slid the waistband of my boxers down, his thin fingers curling around my swelling cock. I moaned, my fingernails digging into the seat.  
“Shh, it’s okay sweetheart.” He murmured as he pumped me gently. I groaned and clawed the seat with my hand, not even caring if I left nail marks. Apparently, he wasn’t particularly bothered either.  
“I was gonna wait until we got home darling, but you’re so… _fuck._ So beautiful.” He moaned, chewing his lip.  
“I-It’s okay.” I stammered, surprised I could form a coherent sentence. Cars drove past us, some drivers looking into our car out of habit as they drove past.  
“Can they see us?” I panted. Gerard beamed.  
“Oh yeah.” He laughed. I looked at him, panic in my eyes, but he smiled back calmly, his hand still working on my cock.  
“Let them watch, sweetheart.” He purred. I whimpered and pushed my hips up, seeking more of his touch.  
“Slut.” He laughed, a smile spreading across his face. I could only moan in response.  
“Gee, please.” I rasped, feeling pressure building up in my stomach. He pretended to ignore me, his hand still moving in gentle strokes. I couldn’t hold back anymore.  
“S-stop, Gee. I’m gonna-“ I began to warn him, but before I could, my orgasm hit me suddenly, like a fucking train slamming into my stomach. I gasped and dug my nails into Gerard’s arm as I came, covering his hand. I flopped back against the seat, panting. I noted vaguely that we’d pulled up in his driveway, but was too fucking _gone_ to notice.  
“Calm down, sweetheart.” Gerard murmured, stroking my hair with his ‘clean’ hand. I smiled weakly, biting my lip.  
“Are you alright?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I’m fine. That was intense.” I laughed. He beamed at me. I frowned at the hand he had halfway suspended in mid-air.  
“Sorry for making such a mess.” I murmured, ears burning. He smirked and brought his hand to his mouth, his tongue snaking out and licking along the length of his palm. I whimpered in the back of my throat, and his smirk stretched wider as he slipped his fingers into his mouth, sucking lightly and making very audiable, very inappropriate noises.  
“I think we need to get inside your damn house.” I smiled, shaking my head. He laughed and smiled, wiping his hand on his jeans before sliding out of the car and opening my side of the door, bowing theatrically. I chuckled and let him help me out, dragging my bag onto my shoulder. I took the opportunity to really look at him. I’d never seen him in casual clothes before, and it was…weird. Weird good. He had on tight black jeans and a rolling stones t-shirt and no coat. Of course that fucker wouldn’t wear a coat in the middle of fucking November.  
“Stop starin’ at me.” He mumbled, smiling like a shy child. I took his hand and walked with him to his front door.  
“I have a confession.” He said as we walked through the door.  
“Okay…” I said slowly. He hung my coat up for me and put my bag to the side. What a gentleman.  
“I think the whole going to the movies thing is a bad idea. I’ve been thinking and it’s too risky.” He said. I nodded.  
“That’s cool. We’ll just watch movies here.” I said brightly, actually liking this plan better. He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, his mouth turning up at the sides.  
“Have I ever told you that I love you?” he sighed. I raised an eyebrow and pulled him in for another kiss.  
“You may have mentioned it once or twice.” I smiled. He laughed and pulled me in for another kiss, his tongue sliding softly against my lips. I whimpered and tangled one hand in his hair, the other sliding down to his waist, my fingertips skimming his skin under his shirt. He moaned, not even bothering to hold back, and pushed me against the wall, grinding his erection into my leg.  
“Jesus, Frank.” He moaned, burying his face in my neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin.  
“You really can’t keep your hands off me, can you?” I teased. He responded by biting down on my neck, near the love bites that still hadn’t healed. He sucked softly, soothing the skin with his tongue, before moving higher up – to the places that couldn’t be covered by a t-shirt.  
“Gee, please. They’ll see.” I whimpered. He smirked against my skin and sucked harder. Asshole.  
“I want them to see. Want everyone to know that you’re mine, baby.” He whispered.  
“I’m yours.” I repeated, almost trance-like.  
“Aren’t you worried that your little fucktoy will see?” he sneered. I grabbed him and held him tighter to me.  
“Fuck. No.” I gasped, rubbing myself against him. He let go of my neck and rested his head against mine, panting and moaning. I slid my hand up his shirt and dragged my nails down his back, making him make a small ‘ah’ noise that I found simultaneously hot and adorable.  
“My ass is still really sore from my punishment the other day.” I said softly. He grunted.  
“Sorry.” He whispered. I shook my head.  
“I was bleeding.”  
“I know. I’m so sorry Frankie.” He moaned, grinding himself faster against me.  
“It’s fine, Gee. But I think you’ll understand that I want to get even.” I said, dragging my nails down his back, harder this time. He cried out, his breath hitching in his throat.  
“Y-yes Frankie.” He breathed. He kissed me roughly and lazily, his tongue sliding into my mouth, his cock pressing urgently against my thigh. I dragged my nails down his back again, and he made a noise as if he’d been punched in the stomach.  
“You know the word.” I said with a smirk. He nodded and buried his face in my neck, crying out, gasping and moaning as I scratched him. I couldn’t see his back, but I could feel that I’d broken the skin some time ago. I smoothed my palms down his back, soothing him, and he let out a wrecked sob.  
“Did I hurt you too much?” I asked softly, feeling guilty. He smiled at me and shook his head.  
“Shit…no. You can do that whenever you want.” He laughed, and he was so adorable I could’ve melted. He grabbed my wrists softly and pulled me to him, kissing me softly.  
“You go put a movie on, I need to, ah, change.” He said, gesturing to his crotch. I stared at him for a moment before I understood.  
“You came?” I gasped, laughing. He blushed and looked away, embarrassed.  
“Shut up.” He grumbled, stomping towards the bathroom. I chuckled to myself as I looked through his movie collection. They were mostly superhero movies and horror movies – the latter of which were getting most of my attention. I pulled out “Camp Blood 2” and put it on top of the TV, unsure of how to work his TV. He reappeared a few moments later in just sweatpants and dropped onto the sofa next to me. I smiled and pulled him in for a kiss.  
“You’re gorgeous.” I breathed and he beamed at me. He raised his eyebrows when he saw my movie choice, laughing as he stood up and slid it into the player.  
“This film is shit.” He laughed, sitting back down next to me. I snuggled into his arms.  
“I don’t care. You smell good.” I said, as if the latter reasoned the former. He chuckled and kissed my head, wrapping his arms tighter around me.  
“You smell good too.” He said, taking a big, theatrical sniff of my hair.  
“You’re a dork.” I said, rolling my eyes. He held my chin up and kissed me.  
“I’m your dork.” He added, and I couldn’t help but laugh. We shuffled around a bit on the sofa, until we finally relaxed with Gerard sitting upright, and me leaning my back against his chest, his arms wrapped around my stomach.  
“All the better to give you more fuckin’ love bites.” He teased, and I elbowed him lightly in the stomach. He chuckled.  
“Bitch.”  
  
Things were perfect. For the first time since things got complicated, I could honestly say that everything was perfect and wonderful, and my stress levels were at an all time low. For that reason, of course, something had to go wrong.  
That something came in the form of a text from Cameron.  
  
 **FROM: Cam.  
(4:02pm)**  
Hey Frankieee just wntd 2 say hi. Hope ur enjoying ur wkend! Xx  
  
It would have been perfectly fine if Gerard weren’t closer to my phone than me. He read the message before I had the chance and smirked in an unpleasant way (if such a thing were even possible), and replied before I could stop him. He handed the phone to me, clearly proud of his handiwork.  
  
 **TO: Fucktoy.**  
(4:04pm)  
Hey there sport, Frank’s a little busy with my dick up his ass at the moment. I’ll get him to message you back another time though. Thanks! Xoxoxox  
  
I glared at him. He evidently found it hilarious, because he was laughing like a fucking child. I wriggled my way out of his arms and made to walk off. He grabbed my wrist and pouted.  
“Awh, I’m sorry Frankie. C’mon baby, come back.” He said. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp, ignoring his irritated sigh, and called Cameron. The least I could do is explain (as best I could, of course, considering the circumstances). He didn’t pick up straight away so I, after glaring at Gee, who gave me a _very_ innocent smile in return, had to call him again. He actually picked up this time.  
“Hey.” He said bluntly. I sighed.  
“I’m sorry.” I said softly.  
“Was this the complication you were talking about?” He didn’t sound sad, more pitying.  
“Pretty much, yeah.” I laughed, but it was joyless.  
“You could have told me. I’d have understood.” He mumbled.  
“I really couldn’t have. It’s so complicated.”  
“Right.” He said incredulously.  
“It really is. I’d explain if I could.”  
“I trust you.”  
“So we’re okay?”  
“Yeah, we’re fine. And I appreciate you calling me. Thanks, Frank.”  
“That’s fine, Cam. I’ll see you Monday, okay?” I said, trying to keep my voice light despite the guilt weighing me down.  
“Sure thing, see ya.” He said. He didn’t hang up though, so I did. I wandered back to Gerard and dumped myself on the sofa, arms crossed. I wasn’t really mad at him, but I was disappointed that he was being so childish.  
He circled his arms around me and pulled me to him softly, kissing my cheek.  
“C’mon angel, I’m sorry.” He said, genuine sincerity in his voice.  
“I just don’t see why you have to be such a baby about it.” I said coldly.  
“I have to be a baby because _my_ baby has another baby.” He said, smiling into my skin. I rolled my eyes and turned towards him, pulling him into a hug.  
“You’re unbearable.” I sighed. He kissed my forehead.  
“You’re beautiful.” He replied. I leaned against him again, trying to get back into the movie.  
“This is a really shit movie.” I said, and he laughed in agreement, his hands combing softly through my hair.  
“I told you so.” He said. I just nodded, my eyes fluttering shut, a gentle moan escaping my lips.  
“That feels good.” I smiled. I felt him chuckle as he continued to massage my head with his beautiful, long fingers.  
“Can I take a nap?” I asked, yawning.  
“Sure thing, baby.” He said softly, pressing a kiss to my slack lips.  
  
I woke up God knows how many hours later, and on my own. The lights were off, the TV was playing the title menu from the film and, most importantly, Gerard was nowhere in sight.  
“Babe?” I called, getting to my feet.  
“’Out here, sweetie.” He called back from another room. Feeling relieved, I walked through the house and into the kitchen, where he was leaning against the doorframe, a cigarette between his lips. He smiled at me as I walked in the room.  
“Sorry, I just needed a smoke.” He laughed, smoke spilling from his nose. I nodded and leaned against the counter, watching as he brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaled deeply, and let the smoke flow out of his mouth. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.  
“You stare at me a lot.” He said. I shrugged.  
“You’re beautiful a lot.” I replied. He laughed, causing a waterfall of smoke to come out of his nose and mouth.  
“You getting hungry?” he asked after a moment of silence.  
“Yeah, I guess I could eat. What did you have in mind?” I asked. He shrugged and dropped the cigarette butt on the floor, stamping it out and walking back into the house. He pulled me into his arms and I breathed deeply. He smelled of cigarettes now, but it was still the best smell in the world to me.  
“Whatever you want, babe. I could get us pizza, or I could run to the store and make you something, or… actually yeah, one of those.” He said, smiling.  
“You cook?” I asked, surprised. He looked mockingly offended.  
“Yes. I can make pasta, or cereal, or toast…” he said and I laughed. He pressed a kiss to my lips.  
“Seriously, yeah, I cook. How else do you think I keep my great figure?” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“Your figure is beautiful, what are you talking about?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“It’s nothin’.” He said. I glared at him.  
“No, come on. You’ve mentioned it now.” I said. He rolled his eyes.  
“I’m just a bit…sensitive about my weight. S’all.” He said, but I knew it was a bigger deal than he was letting on. I held his hand.  
“You’re perfect, no matter what.” I said simply. He smiled.  
“Pizza it is then.” He said, dancing away from me, towards the phone. I shook my head and smiled, following him.  
  
  
Between us, we got through two pizzas, a box of chicken wings, two bad horror flicks, 34 kisses and 4 hours. I looked at the clock and yawned.  
“I think it’s time for bed.” I mumbled. He gave me a sleepy grin and nodded.  
“Okay, I’ll make up the sofa for you.” He said, rising to his feet. I looked at him in shock and a smile burst across his face.  
“C’mon, silly. As if I could ever sleep without you.” He said, holding his hand out to me. Relieved, I grabbed it, and let him drag me into his room. I took off my shirt and jeans, so I was just in my boxers, and was surprised (though, not unpleasantly) to see Gerard climbing into bed completely naked. He looked at my boxers and raised an eyebrow.  
“I hope you’re planning on taking those off, Iero.” He scolded mockingly. I chuckled and threw them off, climbing into bed with him. He kissed me slowly, his hand cupping my face.  
“This is amazing.” He whispered, his face the picture of ecstasy. I grinned back and locked my arms around his neck.  
“I know. I just…how have I ever slept on my own before?” I asked and he laughed in response, pulling me closer. Our bodies were pressed against each other, but there was nothing sexual about it – it was more a desire to feel every inch of him against me than to actually sleep with him.  
“Gerard?” I asked tentatively, his eyes were shut but I wasn’t sure if he was sleeping yet. He opened them and gave me a sleepy smile.  
“Mm?”  
“I am really, really fucking in love with you.” I breathed. He kissed me again, his lips lazy and clumsy against mine.  
“I’m pretty crazy about you too.” He grinned. He kissed me again, and then rolled onto his side, facing away from me. His breathing evened out soon after, and I was amazed at how quickly he could fall asleep. I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into his back, feeling his body relax at my touch.


	22. My love, my love, my love (OR The Weekend part 2)

I woke up alone again, and for a moment, in my sleep-ridden brain, I thought I’d dreamt the whole night. It was only when I sat up and realized where I was that it all came flooding back and I smiled.  
“Gee?” I called, and got no response. I was almost worried, but then I heard the shower running and laid back down, snuggling into the blankets. They still smelled like him, and I bunched them under my nose, breathing deeply.  
“I’m right here, you know.” He said, smiling from the doorway. His hair was pushed back, still wet, and a towel hung loosely around his narrow hips. I chewed my lip and smiled.  
“You should’ve woken me up.” I said, stretching. He tilted his head.  
“Why?”  
“So I could have come in with you.” I laughed. He smiled and shook his head.  
“No way, Frankie. I’ve caused way too many accidents that way.” He laughed, walking over to his drawers and pulling clothes out.  
“You’ve showered with someone before?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light. He smiled, pulling his boxers on.  
“Ah, yeah. A few times. It’s not often I stick around long enough to do that, though.” He said casually. I leaned back, jealousy pressing down on my chest.  
“You’ve done a lot of stuff before.” I pointed out. He nodded, slipping his black jeans on.  
“How many people have you slept with? Or ah, done anything sexual with?” I asked.  
“So, by sex you mean like anything from a handjob to actually getting fucked?” he asked, and I cringed slightly.  
“Yeah.” I said. He pursed his lips as he tugged his shirt over his head.  
“God, a lot. I think I’ve lost count. Maybe somewhere around eighty? Maybe more. I don’t really pay that much attention.” He laughed. I chewed my lip and looked down, tears filling my eyes. I knew it was stupid and hypocritical for me to cry over this, so I tried not to. I felt his weight on the bed, but didn’t look up.  
“You cryin’, Frankie?” he asked softly. I lifted my head and plastered a smile on.  
“No.” I said weakly. He rolled his eyes at me.  
“You’re jealous.” He said simply. I shrugged.  
“A bit.” I mumbled.  
“That’s slightly hypocritical of you, isn’t it?” he said coolly, sliding off the bed and walking towards the door. I didn’t reply, because I knew he was right. He stopped just before he reached the door and looked back.  
“I’m not the one who has two boyfriends, sweetheart.” He said sharply, sweeping out of the room. My jaw dropped. Did he just use the ‘b’ word?  
I climbed out of bed, not caring that I was still naked, and raced after him.  
“What did you just say?” I asked breathlessly. He turned around, a knowing smile on his smug little face. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss him or punch him.  
“That you have no right to be jealous?” he asked, feigning innocence.  
“After that.” I whispered. He smirked and wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“You mean about how you have two boyfriends?” he asked. I nodded.  
“I thought you said you weren’t-“ I said, but stopped myself. He shook his head and kissed me softly.  
“Do we need to label it?” he murmured. I bit my lip, feeling stupid for being so excited.  
“Um. No, of course not. We’re a bit old for that, right?” I laughed humorlessly. He rolled his eyes.  
“If you’d told me a month ago that dating you would be this complicated…” he said, his eyes twinkling.  
“Dating?” I said, beaming at him.  
“I didn’t say that.” He said in mock offence. I narrowed my eyes, still smiling.  
“Yes you did.” I accused. He walked me backwards until I was pressed against his refrigerator.  
“Why are you so keen to label us, darlin’?” he asked.  
“It just…makes it more real.” I said. He considered this for a moment, then kissed me. His lips were warm and slightly slippery from his shower, but I didn’t care.  
“Then you can call me whatever you want, baby.” He smirked. He pulled away for a moment, his face suddenly serious.  
“But whatever you choose to call me, I have to be the only one, okay? It’s fine if you have a boyfriend who…isn’t me. But you can’t call me that as well. You know what I mean?” he asked. I nodded.  
“Yeah, I do.” I said solemnly, then beamed,  
“Oh darling beautiful boyfriend of mine.” I said, batting my eyelashes. He laughed loudly.  
“You’re such a loser.” He chuckled.  
“What do you call me then?” I challenged. He thought about it for a while.  
“Mine. Not anything in particular, but everything you possibly can be to me. That’s what I refer to you as.” He said softly. I bit my lip.  
“Would now be a bad time to tell you that I really, really want to suck your dick?” I asked. He laughed.  
“Depends on why you wanna do it.” He said, a hint of seriousness in his eyes. I held both of his hands in mine.  
“Because I love you and because I’m happy, and because you look gorgeous with your hair wet.” I said. He shrugged, his hand sliding down his zipper, his teeth catching on his lips.  
“I guess I don’t have much of a choice then, do I?” he said. I whimpered and fell to my knees in front of him. He laughed and slid his jeans and boxers down, revealing his half-hard dick hanging heavy between his legs.  
“I always forget how big you are until I’m about to suck your dick.” I laughed, a little nervously. He leaned against the counter, his smile amused.  
“Does my cock intimidate you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I giggled.  
“Actually, yes.” I said softly. He ran a hand through my hair.  
“I won’t hurt you unless you ask me to.” He said, half-serious. I moaned lightly and wrapped my mouth around him. He let out a rough breath and braced himself more firmly against the counter.  
“God, baby, you’re so good. Keep doing it like that, sweetheart.” He moaned, his hand resting softly on the top of my head as I took him as far down into my throat as I dared. I knew that going too far would make me choke and, as much as it might amuse him, I really didn’t want to throw up on him. His breath was coming in hard, desperate pants, a whimper rising out of his throat.  
“Frank, baby. _Fuck._ All mine, sweetheart. Your fucking – _oh God, fuck –_ mouth is mine. All of you is mine.” He moaned, his hips bucking forward. I held onto his hip with one hand, lowering myself even further down on him.  
“Frankie. Stop. Baby, stop.” He said softly, stroking my cheek. I pulled away straight away, looking up at him. He bit his lip and moaned, his thumb rubbing my swollen lips.  
“God, I just want to…just stay like that.” He whispered, his hand pumping his cock in my face. I knew what he was intending to do, and my heart raced at the thought. He leaned back on the arm that was holding him up, his head falling back.  
A strangled, broken moan was the only warning I had before I felt the warm, runny liquid shoot out onto my face, running off of my lips and chin onto my neck and chest. He stayed posed like that for a few moments, panting hard, before bringing his head forward and smiling at his work.  
“God, you’re amazing.” He whispered, kneeling down in front of me. He kissed my cum-covered lips roughly and I whimpered. He licked his lips and smirked at my bewildered expression.  
“I think you need to shower.” He said teasingly, before standing up and walking into the living room, leaving me a disheveled, horny, cum-covered mess on his kitchen floor.  
  
I eventually got managed to drag myself into the shower, and felt a lot better when I got out and back into some clean clothes. I joined Gerard where he sat on the sofa, a pair of reading glasses on and a pile of papers on his lap.  
“What’cha doing?” I asked. He smiled at me fondly.  
“Marking papers.” He sighed, pouting. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started playing a game on my phone.  
“That sucks, dude.” I laughed. He narrowed his eyes at me.  
“So do you.” He quipped. I rolled my eyes, smiling, and turned my attention back to the game.  
“Do your damn marking.” I mumbled.  
“I would if you’d stop being an annoying little brat.” He smiled. I shrugged.  
“Don’t use me as an excuse for not wanting to get your shit done.” I said, smiling. He sighed and set the papers down, taking his glasses off and setting them on top of them. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.  
“Caught me.” He said, kissing me gently.  
“I always do.” I said. He rolled his eyes and got to his feet, making his way towards the kitchen.  
“I’m gonna make coffee, want some?” he asked casually. I pursed my lips.  
“You got any food?” I called. He came out of the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe, smiling at me adoringly.  
“I could make you somethin’.” He said warmly.  
“Nah, don’t bother.” I said.  
“No, it’s fine. I could go for a sandwich.” He said, and I agreed. He disappeared into the kitchen and I smiled. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so damn _comfortable_. Right now, there was no Cameron, no law, no ‘Mr. Way’. Just the man I loved. This, I realized, was us. This was our love, and our…relationship. My heart jumped at the word (after all, he had given me permission to use it).  
He returned minutes later bearing two plates with sandwiches, handed me one, and set the other down, before going into the kitchen and retrieving two mugs of coffee. He dropped down next to me and leaned forward expectantly.  
“Thank you Gerard.” I said in a mocking sing-song voice, kissing him. He smiled and pulled away.  
“You little shit.” He chuckled, digging into his sandwich. Again, I was hit with a wave of pure contentedness. I could sit here, eating sandwiches and drinking coffee with him in his house forever and never get bored. I wanted to wake up and see him with his stupid sleepy smile and hair sticking everywhere, and fall asleep with him curled around me. I wanted to walk downstairs and see him with his adorable glasses on, marking papers, and to distract him from them. I wanted to lie on the sofa and eat dinner while watching bad horror movies, and above all else, I wanted to be the only person he made coffee and sandwiches for, for the rest of our lives.  
I didn’t realize I’d been staring at him until he smiled shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear self-consciously.  
“What?” he asked.  
“I’m in love with you.” I said softly. I’d said it a hundred times, surely, but this time it seemed to hold more weight, and hung in the air around us, like I’d been deaf for 18 years and was finally able to hear.He ducked his head, biting his lip, and when he looked up, his eyes were shining with tears.  
“I love you too, darlin’.” He said, his voice higher than normal. He wiped his eyes with his thumb and laughed, embarrassed. I leaned back and just stared at him.  
“Stop lookin’ at me like that.” He said shyly.  
“How’s your back?” I asked. He laughed.  
“Painful as fuck. You tore me up pretty bad.” He said, running a hand through his hair.  
“You didn’t do much better.” I said, gesturing to the swollen, purple bruises lining my collarbones and throat. He took my empty plate from me and rose to his feet, walking back towards the kitchen.  
“Stop being such a little bitch and put a movie on.” He said. I chuckled to myself and pulled out another bad-looking movie (Blood Feast or something like that) and slid it into the player. He dropped down next to me, gave my arm a quick squeeze, and put his glasses back on, pulling the papers back onto his lap.  
“I really need to do this, love.” He said, squeezing my thigh. I nodded, understanding.  
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll just watch this piece of cinema gold.” I said, smiling. He looked up and smiled back, the TV glinting off of the frame of his glasses.  
“I’ll make it up to you, okay? We’ll go out for dinner or something.” He said. I bit my lip.  
“We can’t really, can we?” I said softly.  
“We can if we go somewhere out of town.” He murmured, not looking up from his papers. I beamed and kissed his cheek. He groaned and pushed me away.  
“But only if you let me get these damn papers marked.” He said, a ghost of a smile playing around his lips. I rolled my eyes, but let him get on with his work.  
  
He did end up getting his work done, despite me constantly bugging him for attention. He rolled his eyes and pushed me away a lot, muttering about how I was annoying him, but I knew he secretly loved it, so I did it more, and I’d never seen him so happy.  
“C’mon angel.” He called from the bottom of the stairs. I ran my hand through my hair one more time and bounded down the stairs, into his waiting arms.  
“So, where are we going?” I asked as he locked the house and took my hand.  
“Well, me and Mikey, we used to live in this little town about an hour away, and there’s this restaurant our Grandma used to take us to. I checked, and it’s still there, so if you want-“  
“Yeah, that sounds great. Are you gonna be okay going there, though?” I asked, chewing my lip. He smiled at me warmly as we slid into the car.  
“Yeah. I’ve been there since the accident, and it was fine. I guess it’ll just be better to go there with you.” He said, putting one hand on my knee as he pulled out of the driveway.  
We were silent for a few minutes, the radio playing softly in the background, before he spoke.  
“I know we haven’t done much, but these last two days have been amazing.” He said, grinning. I smiled and nodded.  
“Yeah. I can’t imagine going back home and having to sleep without you.” I said sadly. His thumb rubbed my leg softly.  
“I know. My bed’s gonna smell like you and everything.” He laughed sadly.  
“My clothes smell like you.” I replied and he smiled a little bit. He paused for so long that I thought the conversation was over before he spoke again.  
“What are you planning to do after school?” he asked.  
“I don’t know. I’m good at music, I might start a band or somethin’.” I shrugged.  
“Are you planning on moving out?” he asked.  
“Maybe. I don’t want to leave Mom, but I really want to get my own place and do my own thing. I guess I’ll have to see how I feel when I get there.”  
“Right.” He said, smiling weakly.  
“Why?”  
“Huh?”  
“Why do you ask?”  
“No reason. It’s dumb.” He laughed flippantly, turning the radio up slightly.  
“Just tell me.” I said firmly. He sighed.  
“I don’t know. Just, the way we were today made me wonder what it’d be like to live with you. Y’know, perminantly. I mean, I know we haven’t been together for long, but we’ve known each other for years and-. I don’t know. I just, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really, really want that, Frank.” He said, turning his head slightly to look at me.  
“I want that too.” I said, emotion choking me.  
“I guess it’s not really plausible though, right?” he asked.  
“Yes it is.I mean, it might be awkward to explain to people but I won’t be your student anymore, so it won’t be illegal.”  
“Maybe, sweetheart.” He said, squeezing my leg. I was slightly disappointed, but I didn’t say anything, I just looked out the window and watched as the road slipped past us.  
“It’s beautiful up here.” I commented. He smiled.  
“Yeah. Mikes and I used to get the bus down here on weekends with our parents and Grandma, and we’d just all go shopping or get food, or whatever. We could do it in our town, of course, but I was just nice to get away from all of it and go somewhere a bit bigger. It feels a bit ironic now.” He laughed.  
“How’s Mikey doing?” I asked softly.  
“Not great. He’s stable, which is good, but they have no idea if he’ll wake up.” He said, his voice shaking.  
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” I murmured.  
“No, I’m glad you did.” He reassured me.  
“It must be hard.”  
“It is. My parents don’t really want to talk about it, so I just have to deal with it alone. I see him every week, bring him flowers and comic books and stuff for when he wakes up. They say he can probably hear me, so sometimes I sing to him or read him stories or-“ he broke off suddenly.  
“What?” I asked. He smiled fondly.  
“Recently I’ve taken to telling him about you. What you were wearing, the colour of your eyes, funny things you say. I like to think that he’d want to meet you when he wakes up.” He said, his voice distant.  
“I’m sure he appreciates it.” I say, not sure of what else to say.  
“He’s my best friend, you know? He’d be so pissed if I ran off and fell in love and didn’t tell him.” He said, laughing.  
“You say that like it hasn’t happened before.” I said.  
“It hasn’t.” he said softly. I felt shocked, but knew now wasn’t the time to talk about it. I was his first love? That seemed ridiculous, but I found myself believing him.  
“You should come with me next week to see him.” He said suddenly.  
“Are you sure it’s a good idea?”  
“Yes. And even if it’s not, I don’t care. If he really can hear me, then I want him to be able to hear you, too. I don’t know if I can deal with the two most important people in my life not meeting.” He said. I nodded.  
“Okay, just let me know when.” I said, and he beamed at me.  
“Thanks, sweetheart.” He murmured, probably trying to hide the steady flow of tears pouring down his face. I pretended to not notice to save him the embarrassment.  
He stopped the car outside of a cosy looking restaurant – probably family owned.  
“Okay, enough sadness. Let’s go have a great first date, eh?” he said with a wink. I shook my head and followed him out of the car.  
“So you screw _before_ the first date?” I teased. He laughed.  
“I don’t normally make it to the first date, so feel special.” He retorted. I couldn’t really argue with that.  
  
As I expected, the place was just as warm on the inside as it looked on the outside. We were greeted by a young woman who beamed when she saw Gerard.  
“Hey stranger, haven’t seen you around in a while.” She beamed. He ducked his head and laughed.  
“Been busy, Lucy, sorry.” He said. She shook her head in mock disapproval.  
“Try harder. Who’s this?” she asked, gesturing to me. Gerard took my hand.  
“This is Frank.”  
“Is he your boyfriend?” she asked. He paused for a moment.  
“I’m his boyfriend. He’s just my… I don’t know. He’s mine.” He said and she smiled softly. She looked at me and smiled.  
“Hopeless romantic, this one.” She said and he playfully pushed her.  
“C’mon then, table for one boyfriend and one ‘I don’t know.’ “ she said. I liked her, she was bubbly and didn’t judge, even though she could probably tell that I was way too young to be dating someone like Gee. Once we sat down and she’d taken our orders (Gerard ordered for me, saying that he knew what was good here), she smiled at Gerard.  
“I’m gonna go get Ma. She’d kill me if she knew I’d seen you and hadn’t told her.” She said brightly. He blushed and laughed.  
“Well, we can’t have that.” He smiled, and she bounced away. He held my hand from across the table.  
“Sorry. They kinda all know me here.”  
“Do you bring people here a lot?” I asked nervously. He rolled his eyes at me.  
“No, don’t be ridiculous. This is special. Stop being so jealous.” He teased, nudging my foot under the table.  
  
Our food was brought by a short, slightly plump old woman, her hair tied back in a bun. She looked like the classical description of a kind old Grandma.  
“Gerry!” she cried as she put the food down, pulling him into what looked like a bone-crushing hug. He laughed and kissed her on the cheek.  
“Hey Gladys. This is Frank.” He said gesturing to me. Her eyebrows raised.  
“Isn’t he a bit young, Ger?” she asked, smiling at me. He laughed, his face reddening.  
“Sure is, M’am.” He said, squeezing my hand. I forced a smile.  
“How much younger?” she asked.  
“19 years.” He said, smiling sheepishly. She raised her eyebrows even further and looked appraisingly at me.  
“Well done.” She murmured, smiling warmly at me.  
“You be nice to him, Frank. He’s a little darling.” She said, patting his shoulder. I smiled for real this time.  
“Yeah, he is.” I said, feeling my stomach drop with guilt, because I was being far from nice to him. In fact, I was putting him in a lot of pain. Constantly.  
“How’s Michael doing?” she asked. Gerard smiled.  
“He’s stable, thanks. We’re going to see him next week, I’ll tell him you said hi.”  
“Can he really hear you?” she asked sadly. Gerard nodded.  
“That’s what they tell me. Apparently his brain becomes more responsive and his heart rate picks up whenever I talk to him. Even more when I sing.” He laughed, scratching his neck. Gladys smiled warmly.  
“I’m glad. Anyway, enjoy your food boys.” She said, waddling away.  
“Sorry again.” He laughed.  
“Don’t be. It’s nice.” I assured him, and he smiled, turning his attention to his food. It was some kind of chicken salad, and it tasted amazing – obviously home made and fresh. He smiled as he watched me enjoying my food before turning to his own.  
  
I’d hoped we’d have time to do something else together, but my Mom wanted me home by 9, and by the time we got back to Gerard’s place, we just didn’t have the time. Too soon, we were sitting in his car, three houses down from mine.  
“I don’t want you to go. Just stay here and we’ll run away.” He said, kissing my jaw.  
“Please. Gerard, fuck, just take me somewhere. Let’s just fucking go.” I breathed, holding his hands as they slid up and down my arms. He sighed and rested our foreheads together.  
“Some day, angel. I promise.”  
“I love you so much.” I breathed, reality starting to seep into the warmth that this weekend had caused. He brushed his hand along my cheekbone.  
“I love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”  
“I’ll miss you.”  
“It’s only like 12 hours.”  
“I’ll miss you.”  
“I’ll miss you too.” He said, smiling sadly. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut.  
“Am I doing the right thing? With Cameron?” I asked. He sighed.  
“I hate it, and you know that, but I know it’s a necessary evil. If you can keep it up for another few weeks, even, we’ll be able to do stuff like this all the time.”  
“It just makes me so stressed and confused…” I breathed. He held my hands and smiled.  
“I’m not worried at all. I know that I’m complicated and fucked up and…I don’t know. But I know that you’ll choose me every time. Don’t ask me how, I just know. You and I are immutable.” He murmured, kissing me softly.  
“You’re such a romantic.” I teased.  
“Tomorrow.” He whispered.  
“Tomorrow.” I said, smiling against his lips. I pressed another quick kiss to his mouth and slid out of his car before I could change my mind.


	23. Reality

By the time I reached school the next day, all of the warm haze that the weekend had brought had cleared, and reality was clinging to me, heavy against my skin. I saw my friends, once again accompanied by Cameron, at the end of the hallway and groaned, tugging my shirt up a little bit. It’d be awkward enough dealing with my friends’ questions, but I could already imagine Cameron’s sad puppy-dog face, and I just knew it’d melt my heart. I thought about not going over, but I knew that’d make me look even guiltier. At least we didn’t have English until the very last thing, so I could try and regain some normality before seeing Gerard.  
I approached them slowly, trying to ignore their eyes on me. As I got closer though, of course, it got harder to ignore and I raised my head, making a bit of a show of taking my earphones out and shoving them into my pocket.  
“Hey guys.” I said smiling, standing next to Cameron. Joe and Chris’ eyes almost bulged out of their heads, and Cameron shifted uncomfortably next to me. So it seems that we’re doing this now, then.  
“Dude, what the fuck ate your neck?”  
“It…I…” I stammered. Chris turned to look at Cameron.  
“Did you do this?” he asked, bewildered. I sucked in a breath. Cameron giggled and slid his hand into mine.  
“Yeah, I guess I got a bit carried away.” He said, blushing. I turned to look at him, open-mouthed, and he winked at me.  
“Dude, well done.” Joe asked, raising his hand for a high five, which Cameron reluctantly returned. He turned to me, his eyes wide.  
“Can I talk to you?” he said softly. I nodded and let him lead me away. He leaned against a nearby post and sighed, looking up at me.  
“Okay. So I just covered for your ass, so I think I deserve an explanation.” He said, more sharply than I was used to from him. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it though.  
“I have a- boyfriend. I guess. Sort of. He’s like, a guy I’m seeing.”  
“And a guy you fuck.” He said. I blushed.  
“Yeah. I mean, when he texted you…we weren’t doing anything. He just said that to make you mad. We were literally just chilling out.” I said. He nodded, seeming somewhat appeased.  
“Why would he say that to me?” he asked, tilting his head. I smiled and ran my hand through my hair.  
“He’s ah, jealous of you.” I said, blushing. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Jealous? Why?”  
“Because y’know. We’ve gotten really close and he knows that you like me and ah, that I like you.”I said, looking down. He slid his hand back in mine, and I peeked up, smiling softly.  
“You like me?” he asked gently.  
“I thought it was obvious.”  
“It’s not really.” He laughed, running his hand behind his neck. He stopped and chewed his lip. I pressed my lips together.  
“Well, I kinda do. It’s complicated. Everything’s so damn complicated.” I groaned.  
“I don’t understand that.” He said, narrowing his eyes.  
“I can’t explain it that well. It’s like, okay, so I’ve got this guy, and he’s great. Better than great, actually. He’s pretty much everything I could ever want in a person and I’m stupidly in love with him. But there’s this big fuckin’ flaw that means that we can’t be together – not really.” I said, looking down, slightly defeated. Cameron, to my surprise, just nodded slowly, trying to understand.  
“And then there’s you, and you’re just. I don’t know, you kinda just draw me to you a bit, and you’re so calm and easy to be with, and there’s no complexity or awkwardness or expectation. It just is. It’s nice.” I confessed. He smiled a little bit.  
“But you’re in love with the other guy?” he said softly.  
“Yeah, I am. I wish I could tell you I wasn’t, Cam, but I am.” I said. He pressed his lips together thoughtfully, and then looked up at me from under his eyelashes. When Gerard did it, it was enough to make me feel weak with longing, and I noticed that when Cameron did it, I felt nothing at all.  
“Maybe you’re not in love with him. I mean, you like me, right? Surely if you were in love, you wouldn’t even try looking for someone else.” He said softly, almost hopefully.  
“That sounds right, but it’s not.” I said, ignoring the feeling of doubt eating away at my chest. He shrugged.  
“Well, that’s irrelevant.”  
“It is?”  
“Yeah. I just wanted an explanation. We don’t need to work everything out now.” He said with a small smile. I beamed and pulled him into a tight hug. This was exactly why I thought being with him was so much easier than Gerard. Granted, it wasn’t as rewarding, but it sure as fuck was easier.  
“Wanna walk to Art with me?” he asked softly. I nodded and beamed at him, taking his hand and not giving a damn who saw.  
  
Art consisted of us being asked to draw fruit, which sat on the table in front of us. I found it hard to concentrate, mainly because I was awful at drawing, so my oranges ended up looking like distorted human skulls (which I thought actually looked better, but apparently, it wasn’t). Instead, I thought ahead to my last lesson of the day. He hadn’t texted or called me, and I hadn’t tried to contact him either; I assumed that we were both trying to spare ourselves of the emotional trauma that would come from texting each other before we actually saw each other. It was always better to talk to him face-to-face than it was over text, because texting made me miss him even more. Like, he was there, but he wasn’t physically there. Even just thinking about him now made my heart ache dully in my chest – aided even more by the guilt I felt about my conversation with Cameron. I meant most of it, at the time, but the more I thought, the more I was unsure. Surely he couldn’t be right, regarding me not being in love with Gee, right? I thought of everything we’d been through. Of course I loved him. I felt a slight bit of resentment at Cameron for even suggesting it was otherwise, and leaned a little bit further away from his desk out of pure spite (though, that could have just been guilt because I still wasn’t sure that he was completely wrong).  
“You okay?” he asked, reaching out and holding my hand. I smiled, my anger and confusion melting away at his touch.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“More complexities?” he asked with an amused smile.  
“Yeah, I guess so.” I said, laughing.  
“At least I’ll never get bored.” He murmured, smiling as he turned back to his work. I watched him drawing for a moment. He wasn’t very good, but I thought it was kinda cute how his tongue poked out of his mouth a little bit, his eyes squinting as he drew specific, precise lines across the paper. He sighed and looked up at me, giggling softly.  
“You’re distracting me!” he protested. I held my hands up in surrender and looked back at my own mess of lines and shading, smiling softly, and then groaning because, fuck, my life was almost as much of a mess as my failed drawing.  
  
My day was mostly filled with Cameron being fuckin’ adorable and understanding, and Joe and Chris making teasing jokes and comments about the serious-looking wounds on my neck. I was surprised that they actually believed he’d done them – he was so virginal and cute, it was completely unrealistic that he’d be able to destroy my skin like that. Still, I let them believe it because it was better than the reality.  
Way too fucking soon, however, I found myself following my friends to our normal table at lunch. I didn’t look over to see if he was sitting in his usual place, but somehow I knew he was. Sure enough, a quick glance up revealed him to be sitting there, a book in one hand and an apple in the other. My mouth watered with need as I watched him bring the fruit to his lips, still swollen, bruised and cut from where mine had pressed against them roughly not even a day before. He seemed to be intentionally not looking at me, which I didn’t understand, but I figured I’d humor him and looked away.  
“So are you two official now or what?” Chris asked. Cameron shifted uncomfortably and I pursed my lips.  
“Not official, no. We’re just seeing where this goes.” I explained.  
“Just getting rid of a few complexities.” Cameron said, and I felt a chill run through me at the unexpected malice in his voice.  
My friends were visibly disappointed, but nodded and accepted our answer.  
“I didn’t realize you planned to get rid of the complexities.” I said under my breath.  
“I can try, can’t I?” he asked, his eyes wide with feigned innocence.  
“I guess. Yeah.” I said, beaming. I knew it would be almost impossible for him to distract me from Gerard, but I was sort of looking forward to him trying, as selfish and malicious as it sounds (at this point, though, I was way beyond feeling guilty about being selfish). I dragged my eyes up to Gerard, who was still strategically avoiding me. I sighed and rested my head in my hand, and nearly missed when his eyes flashed up to mine, just for a moment, before dropping again. I groaned in frustration and buried my head in my arms. I’d pissed him off somehow, I was sure, but I didn’t know why. Nor did I particularly care, because Cameron took that opportunity to wrap his arm lightly around my waist, and I was too excited about that to remember that I was stressed out because my boyfriend (could I still use that word? It felt wrong now) was ignoring me, which I realized in retrospect was a very bad sign. Feeling completely wrought with guilt, I looked at Gerard again, and almost breathed a sigh of relief when I saw him looking at me.  
“I’m sorry.” I mouthed. He looked slightly taken aback, his eyebrows raising.  
“For what?” he mouthed back, his eyebrows furrowing. I chewed my lip and looked down. Well, shit. I guess he wasn’t mad at me after all. I figured that it was just my own guilt projecting my feelings onto him.  
“Nothin’. I love you.” I mouthed, and he just smiled, looking back to his book.  
“So I was thinking we could hang out tonight.” Cameron said in a rush. I smiled warmly at him.  
“Awesome. What did you wanna do?”  
“I hadn’t actually thought of that.” He said awkwardly.  
“Oh. Well, you can come to my place?” I asked, and he nodded, smiling enthusiastically. I didn’t even dare to look at Gerard.  
  
Somehow, Chris, Cameron and I managed to get to class before anyone else, including Gerard, so we just waited outside, leaning against the wall. Cameron sighed and shuffled so he was leaning against me, and I wrapped my arms around him without even thinking. He made a happy noise and burrowed further into my arms.  
“Adorable.” Gerard said from behind us, pushing past to get to the door. I let go of Cameron instinctually and chewed my lip as Gerard unlocked the classroom and swept inside, not sparing me another glance. It seemed that all the loveliness from this weekend had evaporated, leaving only the sweaty, heavy weight of reality resting on our shoulders. I made eye contact when I sat down, and gulped down my guilt. He looked pretty sad, but not wrecked, which made me feel slightly better. He even smiled a bit when he noticed me looking at him, dropping his head down so he could blush without the class noticing. Damn, he was adorable.  
Once the class had filed in and were seated, he stood up.  
“Okay guys, I think we’re going to have to do some actual work this lesson.” He laughed, and the class (including me, of course) groaned. He rolled his eyes.  
“Man up, kids. It’s for your betterment, or whatever.” He said flippantly.  
“Anyway. I’ve got some worksheets for you to fill out, and then you’re going to use the information from that to write me an essay. Sound good?”  
The class gave a resounding ‘no’, and he just chuckled, turning around and reaching down to get the papers.  
What he didn’t realize, though, is that when he reached forward, it pulled his white shirt tighter against his back, making the thick red lines caused by my nails to show quite noticeably through his shirt. I blushed and looked down.  
“Woah, Mr. Way!” one of the guys called. Gerard turned around, raising an eyebrow.  
“What?” he asked, his face pulling into a small smile. Fuck, he _knew._  
“Your back, dude.” chimed another one of the boys. Gerard chuckled and started distributing worksheets out to the class.  
“A sign of a good night, am I right?” he said, laughing.  
“Same person as last time?” One of the girls asked. His eyes flickered to me, only for a second, before he replied.  
“Oh yeah.” He laughed, running his free hand through his hair as he continued to work his way around the classroom. No one said anything until he reached the front of the class, leaning against his desk with that dumb amused smirk on his face. God only knows how badly I wanted to kiss it off.  
“Show us!” one of the girls squealed, and Gerard blushed.  
“I…don’t think that would be appropriate.” He smiled.  
“Aw, come on bro!” Chris shouted. I turned around and he gave me a thumbs up. I rolled my eyes and faced the front. Gerard chewed his lip and perched on my desk. Uh oh, this couldn’t be good.  
“Alright, I’ll show you, but only if Frankie agrees to let us ogle his sex wounds.” He said, beaming at me. The class cheered and I blushed.  
“They’re not sex wounds.” I snapped, slightly irritated that he’d make a spectacle of me in front of the whole class. Not only that, but he was being extremely risky, and apparently didn’t care.  
“Aw, come on Frank, this is the second time you’ve come to class adorned with wounds.” He chuckled, moving to the front of the class. His fingers worked at the first two buttons on his shirt, then he stopped, laughing.  
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He chuckled.  
“Come on!” Anna called, sounding slightly desperate. He raised an eyebrow at her, but continued to undo his buttons. Without realizing, I leaned forward in my seat. He however, did realize, and flicked his eyes to me as he undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt. I looked at his smooth, pale chest and stomach, remembering how it felt under my hands, and had to look away before the swelling in my pants got worse.  
“You guys are so weird.” He mumbled as he turned around, shedding his shirt and revealing the marks on his back. The class audibly winced in unison.  
“Shit, that looks painful.” Someone said in awe. He pulled his shirt back up and did the buttons up quickly, a shy smile on his face.  
“It hurt a lot. Worth it though, am I right?” he smiled. Everyone laughed and he sat down at his desk, pulling out his sketchpad that he drew in sometimes and beginning to draw.  
“Come on now, guys, get your work done.” He laughed.  
“What about Frank’s wounds?” Chris called. Jeez, thanks, buddy. Gerard chuckled.  
“Nah, I’ll leave it for now. I don’t know if I want to hear that story anyway. It looks brutal.” He murmured with a smirk.  
“Cameron did it.” Chris said proudly. Gerard’s head snapped up and he looked at me with a mix of disbelief and anger, his eyes so dark that they looked like they were completely black. He gave a tight smile.  
“Did he now?” he said curtly. I gulped and nodded, not able to look at him.  
“How nice of him.” He said, turning back to his drawing. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. That definitely didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I looked down at the worksheet in front of me and sighed, trying to fill in all of the boxes while my mind was preoccupied, but it was difficult. Not only was Gerard filling my mind (again), but the whole class seemed to be having a ‘who can talk the loudest’ competiton, which made it even harder to focus. That’s fine - who needs to graduate anyway?  
“Iero.” Came Gerard’s voice from the front of the room. I looked up and he motioned for me to come closer. Nervously, I rose to my feet and crossed the room so I was standing by his desk.  
“I’m seeing Mikey on Wednesday.” He murmured softly. I felt relief course through me.  
“Right. Good.” I smiled.  
“You can come. If you still want to.” He sniffed. I rolled my eyes and leaned in closer to him.  
“Of course I want to. I want to meet him, Gee.” I whispered. He smiled softly.  
“That’s good. He’ll love you.” He smiled.  
“How do you know?” I asked, suddenly anxious. Even though I knew it was stupid, because the guy was literally in a coma, I still really wanted Mikey to like me.  
“Who wouldn’t love you?” he said, his voice slightly sad. I didn’t know how to reply, that didn’t involve kissing him, so I didn’t. I just returned to my desk and tried to complete the rest of my work; unsuccessfully, of course. Ironically, I thought I was actually going to need more English classes if I wanted to pass. It wasn’t my best subject anyway, and screwing the teacher certainly wasn’t helping with my concentration levels, funnily enough.  
  
The bell rang and broke me out of my thoughts. I gathered my things and walked slowly to Gerard’s desk while I waited for Cameron to get his stuff together.  
“You’re going home to play with your fucktoy.” He murmured. It wasn’t a question, but a resounding statement. I sighed.  
“I wish you’d stop calling him that. If it weren’t for him, last weekend wouldn’t have happened.” I whispered back. He said nothing and leaned back in his chair, looking out the window. I almost missed Cameron as he rushed past me out of the door. I gave Gerard an exasperated look before rushing after him.  
“Cam!” I called, chasing him. He slowed to a walk, but didn’t stop.  
“Who were you with on the weekend?” he asked harshly.  
“I-you don’t know him.”  
“But he knows me.”  
“Not really.”  
“You’re lying.” He said. I grabbed his arm and made him stop, and saw that his eyes were red and puffy, like he’d been crying.  
“I thought you said we didn’t need to sort anything out yet.” I pleaded, feeling desperation clawing at my chest.  
“That was before-“ he said, cutting himself off and dropping his eyes to the floor.  
“Before what?” I pleaded. He was silent for a moment. When he finally did speak, his voice was surprisingly strong and steady.  
“You’re fucking Mr. Way, aren’t you?”


	24. The truth, or something like that

I just stared at him, open-mouthed for a moment. My head was buzzing, and I felt like I was falling in and out of reality. This couldn’t be happening, he can’t know. Nobody can ever know. I felt my chest constrict with panic at the idea that someone else knew about us. He had the power to ruin everything, and that scared me almost as much as the consequences of him ruining everything.  
“What makes you think that?” I said calmly – much more calmly than I felt. I was careful not to confirm or deny anything until I knew if he had proof.  
“I knew you found him attractive since day one. I mean, you stare at him _a lot_. And like, I knew he was fond of you, but I figured it was just one of those ‘you’re my favourite’ things, so I didn’t think much of it. But then…I don’t know. The way you two act is way too close for students and teachers, even ones who’ve known each other for almost three years. That was only a passing thought, though, but still it didn’t go away, and it tainted everything. I started to notice the way his eyes followed you when you walked, or the way you stared at each other from across the lunch hall. It was only today, when he came in with scratches down his back, and you came in with those lovebites that I really put it together. It’s not the first time it’s happened, either. The last time you came in with lovebites, he kept looking at you and talking about it, and even then I thought it was a bit weird.The thing that really pushed it into place for me, though, was the look on his face when Chris said I gave you those hickies. You told me your guy was jealous of me, and what Mr. Way showed was jealousy and more. It was like he would shoot me dead if he could for even pretending that I’d touched you.” He said, his voice still strong, but going weak at the end – almost out of fear. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, noticing in the back of my mind that I was shaking. He sighed when I didn’t reply.  
“I’m right, aren’t I? That’s the flaw that means that you two can’t be together – that he’s your teacher? That it’s illegal? It’s all true, isn’t it?” he asked slowly. I could deny it. I could yell at him and tell him he was being stupid, and that he shouldn’t accuse me of things. Instead, though, I let out a deep breath and looked at him pleadingly.  
“Don’t tell anyone.” I breathed. He exhaled and looked down, like he’d been wounded. I guess he was holding out some hope that he was wrong.  
“So it’s true.” He mumbled. I nodded, even though it wasn’t a question.  
“How long?” he asked softly.  
“Maybe a month? It all sort of kicked off the week before my birthday.”I admitted.  
“How?” he said, his voice hoarse. I paused and glanced up at the door.  
“Maybe we should go back to my place. I don’t want him to hear us.” I said, dropping my voice. Cameron laughed bitterly.  
“Why not?” he asked.  
“Because he’ll be upset that I told you.” I said simply.  
“Why should I give a shit if he’s upset?” he said harshly, and I winced. It wasn’t normal for him to be this sharp, and it was making me uncomfortable.  
“You don’t have to, but I do.” I said softly. His face softened and he nodded.  
“Okay, but only because I really, really want you to explain all of this to me.” He said, sliding his hand in mine, and my heart fluttered in my chest – even after what he knew, he still wanted to be near me. I held his hand and led him to my place. We didn’t say a word to each other the whole way there, but I could almost feel his eagerness to know what was happening. I, on the other hand, couldn’t have been less excited to explain it to him.  
  
  
“Go on then.” He said once we were in my room. I sat down and held both of his hands in mine.  
“It happened by accident. I didn’t find him attractive, and then I did, and then we started flirting, and then he caught me touching myself during class and he-“  
“He caught you touching yourself?” Cameron said slowly. I chewed my lip and nodded, half proud, half ashamed.  
“And then he ah, he made me…do it. In front of him.”  
“Do what?”  
“Cum. He asked me to cum for him, one night in detention. He said I couldn’t leave until I did.” I said softly. Cameron’s eyes practically bulged out of his head.  
“That’s abuse, Frank.” He said bluntly. I shook my head and smiled.  
“No, I could have said no. He didn’t force me – I wanted to. He was really nice about it afterwards.” I explained. Cameron scoffed, but otherwise didn’t interrupt.  
“So then fast forward a bit to the Halloween Ball and –“  
“He was the mystery guy.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Fuck. Okay.”  
“Sorry.”  
“No, I’m sorry. Continue.”  
“Okay. So, yeah, we kissed and…talked about stuff. I guess that’s where we started properly. Then the next lesson-“ I broke off.  
“What?”  
“I don’t want to tell you. It might be too…painful.” I said, looking away.  
“I don’t know if it could get any worse.” He laughed humorlessly, and my heart squeezed. I didn’t want to hurt him. Fuck, I didn’t ever want to hurt anyone, but it seemed to be all I did. I took a deep breath.  
“I sucked him off under the table.” I said, looking him dead-pan in the eyes. He gasped.  
“W-what?”  
“Yeah. I kneeled under the table and sucked his dick while the class – while _you_ – sat just a few feet away.”  
“He made you do that?” Cameron whispered, his face horrified. I shook my head.  
“No! Fuck, Cameron, he doesn’t _make_ me do anything! I want to. He suggested it, okay, but I was the one who really pushed it. He’s always making it very clear that I can stop whenever I want. He’d rather die than hurt me.” I said, the last part coming out as a hoarse whisper.  
“Is that why he…” Cam said, making a gesture across his wrist. I nodded softly.  
“Yeah. I mean, not just because of me, but I suspect that I played a part in it.” I sighed, looking down and biting my lip. Even though the circumstances sucked, it was actually kind of nice to be able to get it all off my chest for once.  
“I’m sorry.” Cameron said sincerely, squeezing my hand. I nodded and smiled.  
“So, that’s it. I’m sorry.” I said hoarsely.  
“I don’t see where I come into it.” He murmured.  
“I was going to pretend to date you so nobody would find out about me and Ge-Mr. Way. Like a red herring.” I said, feeling ashamed.  
“Oh.” He said, his head dropping so he was looking down into his lap. I held his chin and pushed it up so he was looking at me.  
“At first, anyway.” I said softly.  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means that…fuck, I don’t know. I guess I started liking you. No, fuck it, I don’t guess, I know. You make me feel good, and G-Mr. Way knows that. That’s why he’s so jealous.”  
“So you’re not pretending?” he asked weakly. I shook my head, smiling softly.  
“Not even a little bit.”  
“Prove it.” He murmured. I knew what he wanted, and even more, I wanted to give it to him. My mind wandered to Gerard, probably sitting alone at home, eating dinner alone, or watching TV alone. He was on his own, and I was here with someone else.  
I wished I cared more, though, while my lips were pressing softly against Cameron’s. He whimpered softly and tangled his hands gently in my hair. He wasn’t as good as Gerard, his lips were clumsy and fell awkwardly against mine, but his mouth was soft and warm, and his hands were gentle in my hair. I slid my hands to his waist and pulled him closer to me, almost smiling when he locked his arms around my neck. I deepened the kiss, forcing his mouth open a little wider with my tongue. He moaned softly, and it sent an electric current through my body; a weak one, yes, but it was still there. I moaned and pushed him backwards, so I was kneeling over him, his legs separated on either side of my hips while my tongue rolled around in his submissive, inexperienced mouth. I wondered vaguely if this is what Gerard thought the first time he kissed me, and felt guilt hit me hard in the chest. I broke off, gasping.  
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I just- fuck. I can’t.” I breathed, pulling away. Cameron sat up, looking dazed and disappointed.  
“I thought you liked me. What the fuck, Frank?” he asked, genuinely confused. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to ignore the tears that spilled over onto my cheeks.  
“I’m sorry. I love him, Cameron. I can’t do this to him. He needs me.” I panted, feeling panic rise into my throat. Cameron shuffled forward, rubbing a comforting hand up and down my back.  
“Shh, calm down. Don’t panic. Just breathe.” He murmured. I did as he said, and started to feel a little bit more human.  
“I think he’d die without me, I really do. He keeps trying to kill himself, and I can’t let him do that. He’s such a good person, Cam, he really is, and he doesn’t deserve any of the shit he puts himself through.”  
“Would a good person sexually exploit a child?” he said softly. I jerked away from him.  
“I’m an adult. I can consent if I want to.”  
“With anyone but him.”  
“Fuck the law. I know what I want.”  
“I know. Sorry, it just sort of came out.” He said softly. I nodded and leaned against him.  
“I do like you, Cam, but he’s so important, and he’d die if I ever left him. I can’t let that happen. I’m all he’s got.” I whispered. Cameron stroked my hair gently.  
“Is that why you’re with him? Because you’re scared of him trying to kill himself if you leave? That’s not right, Frank. You can’t make yourself miserable for his sake.” He said gently.  
“I’m not miserable. He makes me happier than I’ve ever been.”  
“You don’t look happy to me.”  
I didn’t know how to reply to that, so I didn’t. In a way, I guess he was right. If I didn’t have to worry about Gerard ‘offing’ himself, maybe I’d go on a break from him for a bit: sow my oats, so to speak; but I’d always come back because I loved him, and because there couldn’t be anyone like him in my life. Right?  
“I won’t tell anyone, by the way.” Cameron said gently. I sat up and looked at him, bewildered.  
“Why?” I asked. He shook his head, smiling.  
“Because, even though I don’t like it, and it is totally illegal and morally wrong, not to mention the fact that he’s an absolute asshole at the best of times, I care about you. I know that if people found out, it’d be hell for you, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.” He said. I held his hand and smiled fondly.  
“Thank you.” I breathed. He shook his head.  
“Yeah, don’t mention it. Seriously. Don’t talk to me about it, or him, or this. Ever again.” He said. I smiled.  
“There is no risk of me ever doing that.” I said, and he laughed, falling backwards onto my bed. I looked at him and smiled, glad that, even though things were still confusing, he understood. All I needed was for someone to understand.  
  
  
I hadn’t checked my phone for the whole time Cameron was at my place, but after he left (with a soft kiss on my cheek, for my Mom’s benefit), I looked at my messages tentatively. On my main phone, I had a couple of messages from Joe asking about homework, which I assumed Chris would answer. I also got a few from each of them asking how things with Cameron were going (Joe, of course, asking for details). I ignored them both, and turned to my second phone which was, to my dismay, flashing red. I nearly ignored it, but I knew that would be cowardly. Not to mention that he was probably (though he’d never admit it) nervously awaiting a reply from me.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(4:56pm)**  
Everything okay?  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(5:09pm)**  
I guess he’s still there. Let me know how things go.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(5:22pm)  
**This is killing me. I love you.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(5:46pm)**  
Are you mad at me because of what I said in class earlier? I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just joking around. You know what you mean to me. <3  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(6:09pm)  
**I’m not normally this clingy, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m gonna turn my phone off because I guess I’m being pretty annoying and you’re probably not even thinking about me. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry. I just fucking love you okay?  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(7:17pm)  
**I’m pretty fdunk. I’m gonna turn my phone off for rela thjis time. . Lovre you.  
  
The last one was sent only about half an hour before I read it. My palms were sweaty as I read the message over and over. Maybe he was so drunk that he forgot to turn his phone off, and I could call him. Even so, did I really want to be faced with a drunk Gerard? He was jealous and manipulative at the best of times, and I imagined that drunk, he’d be even worse.  
I mentally shook my head, horrified that I’d even think that. He clearly needed me, so I pushed my discomfort aside and called him. Thankfully, he answered pretty quickly.  
“Who’sis?” he asked.  
“It’s me, babe.” I murmured.  
“Who’s ‘me’?”  
“Frank.”  
“Who?”  
“Frank? Iero?” I said, my heart hammering. He made a happy noise.  
“Love of my life Frank? That Frank?”  
“Uh, I guess so.”  
“Hello baby baby boy. How are you?”  
“Fine. Are you okay?”  
“Perrrrrfectly.” He slurred, giggling. I rolled my eyes.  
“Promise?  
“Yes, fuck, I’m fine.” He snapped.  
“Why are you drinking, honey?” I asked gently. He sighed loudly.  
“Because I’m in love with you and you’re fucking stupid.” He said simply. I nodded – I couldn’t say I disagreed with his observation.  
“Are you safe?”  
“I’m safe.”  
“Do you need me to come over?” I asked urgently, glancing at the clock. Mom would let me out if I said it was an emergency.  
“No! You need sleep for school so you can learn things.”  
“But if you need me-“  
“I always need you.” He sobbed. My heart ached in my chest with a mix of sadness and guilt.  
“Try to sober up, okay? For me?”  
“I’m gonna try. I miss Mikey.”  
“He misses you too.” I assured him, not sure if it was even true.  
“We’re gonna see him though aren’t we?” he said  
“Yeah, baby, real soon. You have to sober up though. What would he say if he saw you drunk?”  
“He’d be mad and he’d cry.”  
“Then do it for Mikey.”  
“And for you?”  
“And for me. And for yourself.”  
“Not that last one.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I’m a disgusting, fat piece of shit.”  
“No you’re not. You’re beautiful and I love you.”  
“I don’t think so.”  
“What?”  
“Nothin’.”  
“Gerar-“  
“Bye Frank.” He said, hanging up. I tried calling him back, but it went straight to his answering machine; I guess he finally turned his phone off. I groaned and flung my phone across the room. Why did he always have to be so fucking difficult? I was feeling a little bit better, and then he had to, as always, go and make me feel worse. It’s like he knew when I was happy without him, so he had to do something drastic to make me miserable again, just so he could pick me up. I knew it was an absurd thought, that he wasn’t _that_ manipulative, and he was probably hurting more than I was, but I was angry and it made sense.  
I figured he’d probably try to call me later tonight when he sobered up, but my head was feeling messy enough and I didn’t need him making me more confused, so I sent him a text.  
  
 **TO: Gee.**  
(8:16pm)  
I love you, okay? Don’t ever doubt that. I’m turning my phone off because I need time to think. Please don’t message me or call me, or even talk to me when you see me tomorrow. I just need space. I still love you and need you, but I also need time to breathe.  
I’m yours, though. Always.  
  
I hoped he wouldn’t read it until he was fully sober, or else that sounded a lot like a break up. I read through it a few times before I sent it, feeling guilty as soon as I hit the send key. It was mostly true, though. I did need space, especially after what had happened with Cameron that afternoon. I felt like I was on the brink of an epiphany but Gerard, as always, was making it very hard to think.  
In fact, the whole text was based on truth. The only thing that I knew for certain was a lie was that I was his. The fact that I could still feel the ghost of Cameron’s lips against mine was proof of that. As painful as it was to consider, it refused to be ignored – he was no longer the only source of light in my sky.


	25. In which Frank is bad at ignoring Gerard

had to hand it to him – Gerard was really, really good at ignoring me. I saw him unexpectedly in the hallway before class, and he just swept past me like he hadn’t seen me. It was blunt enough that even Cameron noticed.  
“Trouble in paradise?” he mumbled. I elbowed him in the ribs.  
“Shut up, it’s not like that.” I muttered, blushing. He squeezed my hand.  
“Sorry, it’s none of my business.” He said, and I just nodded as we walked to class. I wished today, more than any other day, that I didn’t have him first. Or at all, actually. It would make the whole ignoring him thing a lot easier. Somehow, taking a break from him to give myself space to think was actually making it harder to think. I was so worried about him that my stomach was turning, even though I’d just seen him so, by definition, he couldn’t be dead.  
This was confirmed when we filed into class – Cameron pressing a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth like a fucking asshole – and I sat down. Gerard was, as always, drawing in his damn sketchbook. It made it easier to look at him, to assuage my own fears. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were dark and bloodshot, but I could blame that on the fact that he was either severely hungover or still a little bit drunk. He had his sleeves rolled up, so I let my eyes sweep along his arms and breathed a sigh of relief when they appeared clean. Feeling better in the knowledge that he was probably alright (as alright as he could be, of course), I leaned back in my chair and waited for him to speak.  
Which he didn’t. For a long time.  
He finally stood up after at least fifteen minutes of us staring at him in silence and smiled. It was strained, but not forced.  
“I’m going to be blunt as fuck here.” He said, sitting on the edge of his desk.  
“I’m pretty hungover. I might actually still be drunk. I drank a lot last night.” He said, scratching his head. He stared at a spot on the floor for a bit before mentally shaking himself and smiling again.  
“So it’d be awesome if you guys would just read your books and make notes? I’d read it to you, but I think I’m gonna vomit.” He groaned, dropping back into his chair, his hand shielding his eyes.  
“It’s a bit irresponsible to be drinking on a school night.” Cameron sniffed from behind me. I turned and glared at him.  
“Cameron, in the rudest way I can possibly muster, please shut the fuck up. Your voice literally makes me want to shove glass through my eyes.” Gerard drawled. I snorted despite myself, earning me a angry glare from Cameron. I shrugged.  
“You deserved it.” I mouthed. He narrowed his eyes.  
“Stop provoking him.” I mouthed, my face more serious. He sighed and nodded.  
“Sorry.” He whispered. I smiled before turning back to the front, but felt a niggling feeling in my stomach I couldn’t place. I wasn’t sure if it was me regretting admitting everything to Cameron, because now he was acting like more of an asshole than Gerard was, or if it was because I kept catching Gerard staring at me with a ‘lost puppy’ kind of expression. Whatever it was, it was enough to cause me to groan and rest my head on my arms, pretending to read until the end of the lesson.  
  
I was worried about him for the rest of the day. I’d heard from some students I passed in the hallway that he’d vomited during and in front of the class after ours, and that the nurse refused to see him (reminding me that I had to ask him about the obscure comment she made to me about him last time I saw her). I asked them casually if he’d gone home and they shrugged.  
“I don’t know dude, but he looks fuckin’ gross today.” One of them laughed. I pursed my lips and didn’t mention that I thought he looked gorgeous even when he was at his worst.  
Still, when I saw him at lunch (sitting on a table on his own in the corner, instead of with the rest of the staff) I couldn’t deny that he looked like Hell personified. He was paler now that he’d been sick, with a thin sheen of sweat across his porcelain features. His hair stuck, matted to his waxy skin. Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t, I needed to speak to him, at least just to make sure he was okay.  
“Hey guys, I need to talk to Mr. Way for a bit about my essay.” I said, standing up and grabbing my stuff.  
“Dude, you sure? He might barf on you.” Joe laughed. I rolled my eyes.  
“I’m fine. If he isn’t in tomorrow, I wanna make sure I ask him today.” I said, the excuse pouring out of my mouth easily.  
“I’ll come with you.” Cameron said firmly.  
“No, you’re fine.” I said curtly, and he sat back down. I smiled at my friends and walked across the hall. He was facing away from me, so he didn’t see me coming until I put my tray down on his table. He dragged his eyes up and groaned when he saw me. Thanks.  
“Gee?” I said softly.  
“You’re not meant to talk to me.” He said, a sarcastic smirk pulling at his lips. Unbelievable. I sat down and stared at him intently.  
“You look like hell, honey.” I said, resting my head on my hand. He bit his lip and shook his head, his eyes flicking up to meet mine.  
“Never again.” He laughed, running a hand through his limp hair.  
“What were you trying to do, drink yourself to death?” I asked. He looked at me seriously and looked away.  
“No. That’d be ridiculous.” He murmured. My heart squeezed, and I fought the urge to reach over and hold his hand.  
“Baby, you promised.”  
“I didn’t do anything. I just thought about it.” He snapped defensively. I leaned back and took a deep breath.  
“Your fucktoy is looking at you.” He said, a small smile playing on his lips. I didn’t even look.  
“Ignore him. Are you okay?”  
“Yes, damn. I’m just…I don’t know. Probably hungover at this point.” He said, scratching his chin. I laughed despite myself.  
“Why don’t you go home?” I asked. He chewed his lip.  
“Because I don’t wanna drink any more shit. I just want to get better and not drink myself to death again, and I know if I go home I’ll do that. I was kinda hoping I’d be able to convince you to come home with me, actually.” He said, looking up at me through his eyelashes. I smiled.  
“How did you plan on doing that without talking to me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He nodded, eyebrows furrowed.  
“I didn’t consider that. Maybe I’m still drunk.” He sighed, sounding disappointed. I beamed at him.  
“I’ll come with you. Only because you remind me of a cat that’s wandering around, lost in the rain.” I said, tilting my head. He groaned.  
“Shut up, Frank. Want me to pick you up?”  
“Probably not a good idea, considering I’m being risky enough as it is by coming over here in the first place. I’ll meet you there.” I said, feeling only a little bit disappointed that I hadn’t managed to ignore him for a whole day, but his tired smile chased that all away.  
“You must be kicking yourself.” He said, cracking a smile  
“Why?”  
“Because you couldn’t even ignore me for a day.”  
“I wasn’t ignoring you. I needed space. I still do.” I said softly. His smile faltered for a second.  
“Because you’re not sure if you want me?” He asked, leaning in a bit closer. We weren’t sitting anywhere near anyone, but we still couldn’t risk it.  
“No, dumbass, because you make my brain fuzzy and I can’t think around you. I just need to take some time away from you and think without your dumb face popping up every five seconds.”I teased, but there was a seriousness to what I was saying. He pursed his lips and nodded.  
“I know what you mean.” He said softly, his eyes meeting mine. “You make it very hard for me to concentrate.” He purred, his foot rubbing suggestively against my leg. I blushed and looked away.  
“That’s not what I meant.” I hissed. His face softened and he laughed.  
“Sorry, wrong time. Got it.” He said, holding his hands up. I sighed and smiled.  
“Thanks.” I said. He shifted in his chair.  
“You should go. I think Cameron’s gonna rip my throat out.” He chuckled. I considered telling him that Cam knew, but decided against it. He’d probably throw a fit when he found out, and I didn’t want that to be now. I got to my feet and smiled.  
“Okay. Tonight, alright?” I said. He nodded.  
“Yep. Thanks for checking on me.” He said sincerely. I rested my weight on one leg and shrugged.  
“I heard about what happened. Y’know…when you vomited.” I said. He winced and wrinkled his nose.  
“Yeah. Oops.” He laughed.I shook my head and walked away, feeling his eyes on me.  
“How’d it go?” Cameron sniffed when I sat down. I kissed his cheek and shrugged.  
“Fine.” I said simply.  
“You so wanna bang him.” Joe said, and Chris hit his arm.  
“Not in front of his wife!” he said, gesturing to Cameron, who was smiling softly despite himself. I entwined our fingers and laughed, feeling a bit lighter now that I knew I’d be spending my afternoon with Gerard. Even though I still needed my time to think, I was happy to put it aside for him. Somehow, being with him made all of my anger and resentment towards him melt away, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.  
  
Cameron practically begged me not to go to Gerard’s place when I told him, but I was insistent. I, once again, regretted telling him about it (though, technically he’d guessed), because he didn’t seem to understand that he needed to act fucking cool about it, otherwise it meant trouble for all of us involved (except him, of course), and if he really cared about me like he claimed to, he’d want me to be happy while I sorted things out. That’s what Gerard was doing. For the most part, anyway, if you ignore the constant manipulation and guilt-tripping. I sighed as I walked to Gerard’s house, the cold December air pressing against my skin. For two guys who cared about me, they were both really, really big assholes when it came to actually obtaining me.  
I actually ended up reaching Gerard’s place before he did, so I sat on the porch outside, bumping my knees together. He lived far enough away that not many people passed here on their way home from school, but I figured I should still be careful, so I put my hood up. The air was pretty cold and numbed my fingers where they stuck out of my fingerless gloves, and I – maybe for the millionth time – wondered why the fuck I even wore them. Fingerless gloves do not make your hands warm, they just tease you and disappoint you. I zipped my hoodie up a little higher and shivered, wishing that Gee had given me his damn key.  
“You look cold.” Came a voice from beside me. My vision was obscured by my hoodie, but it didn’t matter – I knew who it was.  
“’m freezing.” I said, my teeth chattering. Gerard kneeled down so he was in front of me, his finger holding my chin up. His hands were warm, and I held in a moan at the relief his touch brought.  
“I could just leave you out here.” He murmured, tilting his head. His breath smelled like alcohol and mint (the latter probably to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth. Nice) and wafted in my face as he spoke, making my mouth water with need.  
“Please don’t.” I breathed, shivering again. He smirked.  
“Take your hoodie and gloves off.” He said firmly. I stared at him, bewildered, but did as he said. The air was even colder without my hoodie, and it bit my skin, making it rise in red, patchy bumps.  
“S-sir. Ca-n I h-have my hoodie b-b-back?” I stammered, shivering. He smiled and wrapped it back around me, and I whimpered.  
“You gave me an idea.” He said as an offhand explanation. I bit my lip, but nodded, following into his house.  
He must have left the heating on all day, because as soon as I crossed the threshold, I was covered in warm air. I sighed and let it envelope me. I hadn’t really realized how cold I was until I felt my fingers thawing. I looked down and saw that the ends were pure white. Great.  
“Fingers cold?” Gee asked casually, hanging his coat up. I nodded, trying to wiggle them to regain heat. Without a word, he grabbed my hand and slid his mouth around my four fingers. I was confused for a moment, until I realized that his mouth was really fucking warm. I moaned a little as he sucked delicately on me, his eyes wide and locked on mine. His tongue ran across my cold, numb skin and I moaned. He released my fingers and smiled.  
“Better?” he asked, and I nodded fervently, making him smirk. He pulled me into his arms and sighed, burying his head into my shoulder.  
“I’m so sorry, Frank.” He breathed.  
“For what?”  
“For everything. You’re 18, it’s totally normal that you’d want to explore and…I don’t know. I guess it’s just scary because I’m so sure that you’re it for me, and I’m not it for you. You have a whole lifetime to find your perfect person, but I know that I’ve gotten to the age where if you’re not the person I’m supposed to be with, I may as well stop trying.” He said softly, stroking my hair.  
“Why do you assume you’re not it for me?” I asked. He let out a jagged breath, a tell-tale sign that he was crying.  
“Because I’m not.” He whispered brokenly. I couldn’t comfort him without lying, so I just stayed silent while he held me, pressing wet kisses to my temples and forehead.  
“I’m never normally this…emotional. I don’t know what you’re doing to me.” He laughed, taking a step back. I grabbed his hand and kissed it softly.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be.”  
“I ruined everything.”  
“Me too. Guess we have that in common, huh?” he asked, leading me to the sofa. I tried to ignore the empty and broken bottles and cans that littered the floor. He looked at me sheepishly.  
“Sorry for the mess, I-“  
“It’s fine.” I cut him off. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my nose in his chest, inhaling his familiar, warm scent.  
“Are you looking forward to meeting Mikey tomorrow?” he asked. I nodded.  
“Yeah, I really am. I hope he likes me.” I said, shifting. He laughed aloud and brushed some hair out of his eyes.  
“He will. He doesn’t have much of a choice, does he? Fucker goes and gets himself in a coma and thinks he gets a say in who I date.” He laughed. I bit my lip.  
“You said it again.” I said softly. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Hm?”  
“Date. You said we were dating.” I said, moving so I was straddling him as he lay down underneath me. He smirked.  
“Did I? That doesn’t sound like me.” He said as I leaned forward and kissed his neck. He moaned lightly and wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“Pretty sure that’s what I heard.” I teased, biting his skin gently, before coming up and kissing him hard on the mouth, crushing his lips with mine. He rolled his hips up into me, making a light “ah” noise that ran straight to my dick.  
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, and I pulled away, taken aback.  
“What?” I asked. He blushed.  
“I just- I’m not great right now. I mean, I’m pretty hungover, and I smell like a cheap bar, and neither of those things sound sexy.” He laughed.  
“You’re sexy.” I smiled, and he laughed, kissing me again, his tongue tracing across my teeth. I gasped and rolled my hips down onto his hardening cock. He moaned and held my waist tighter, thrusting his hips up into me.  
“Stay with me tomorrow night. After we see Mikey.” He breathed, and I found myself agreeing.  
“What…about…school?” I asked in-between kisses.  
“I’ll drive you.” He panted, reaching down and unzipping his jeans. I shuffled back so I was sitting between his legs, knowing what he wanted without even having to ask. He shot me an adoring look as he pulled his jeans and boxers off, revealing his cock, swollen and heavy against his pale stomach. I leaned forward and kissed the soft skin around his crotch before licking down his shaft. He moaned and tensed his legs.  
“Do you want me to stop?” I breathed. He laughed airily.  
“Why would I ever ask you to stop?” he asked, resting a hand softly on my head. I took him as far down into my throat as I dared, making him jack-knife up, then relax again.  
“Because you’re not…happy.” I said, turning more of my tongue’s attention to the weeping tip of his cock. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, smearing precum across my skin.  
“I’m…always – _fuck_ – happy with you.” He moaned.  
“If you’re sure.” I said, taking his cock deep in my throat again.  
“Just use your hand.” He moaned, helping me wrap my fingers around his heavy cock. I pumped him slowly, looking him in the eyes.  
“Tell me you love me.” He purred.  
“I love you.”  
“Again.”  
“I love you.”  
“ _Fuck. Again.”_  
“I love you.”  
“Baby, I’m gonna-“  
“I love you.”  
“I’m really close.”  
“I love you.”  
“I’m gonna cum all over your pretty face, princess.” He gasped.  
“I l-love you.” I stammered, losing my calm façade. He smiled tiredly, his head resting against the sofa pillows. I felt his cock throb once, and aimed it at my face, simultaneously feeling the warm liquid hit my face, and hearing his loud, desperate moan.  
He pulled me to him almost as soon as he was done, pulling me in for a sloppy, cum-filled kiss as he undid my belt.  
“Don’t you think…it’s gross to…kiss me covered in…cum?” I panted. He laughed as he slid my pants down.  
“Not at all. I taste great.” He said with a wink.  
“Let me guess. You’ve had a lot of practice?” I asked. He chuckled.  
“Actually, no.” he said, sliding one hand, still wet with his cum, down the back of my jeans, his fingers circling my hole.  
“Tell me if I hurt you.” He murmured,and I nodded, desperate for him to be inside me. He pushed both fingers in at once, which burned. Luckily, his hand was wet, and he was still for a long time before pushing in a little bit further, so even though it took a bit longer, it didn’t hurt as much. Soon enough, his fingers were buried in my ass right down to the knuckle.  
“Maybe one day I’ll get you to take four of my fingers. Does that sound good?” he purred, and I nodded, resting my head on his chest. He pumped his fingers roughly and quickly in and out of me, not paying any attention to my aching cock.  
“Gee.” I whined.  
“I want you to cum untouched.” He explained, crooking his fingers inside me. The way he was going, it wouldn’t be long that he’d have to wait. He bounced me on his hand, and I felt my orgasm build up in my stomach.  
“Close, darling?” he asked. I nodded desperately. He held my cock loosely in his hand just as my orgasm broke through and I shot out white ropes all over his face and chest. I stared at him, unsure if what I did was okay, but by the way he was smiling, I’d done something right. He pressed a kiss against my lips, and I tasted the mixture of both he and I in my mouth, and I was surprisingly turned on by it. We lay against each other, panting hard and smiling like mischievous children.  
“I’m gonna get you a butt plug.” He said suddenly. I sat up and stared at him.  
“A what?”  
“Yeah. One of those vibrating ones where the other person has the controller. Shove it up that tight ass of yours and turn it on and off while you’re in my class. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it, Frankie?” he asked, pushing my hair away from my face. I groaned, exhausted, and he laughed.  
“Did I tire you out, sweetheart?” he asked in mock sympathy.  
“Shut up and hold me.” I snapped. He circled his arms around me and held me tightly to him.  
“I’m glad you decided to talk to me.” He smiled, and I rolled my eyes.  
“You’re a child.”  
“You’re covered in my cum.” He retorted with a smile. I could have said the same back to him, but I was too tired, so I just laughed and rested my head on his chest, just over his heart so I could hear the steady beat.  
“Frank?” he asked suddenly.  
“Mhm?”  
“You’d choose me, wouldn’t you? If it came down to it?” he asked, insecure. I tightened my hold on his waist.  
“Every. Fucking. Time. I told you, I love you. Why don’t you believe me?”  
“Because I just don’t.” he sighed, and I felt a shock of pain run through me. He’d never said it outright like that before.  
“Well, I do love you, despite any uncomfortable or confusing circumstances.” I said. He kissed me deeply.  
“I wish I believed you.” He sighed, rubbing a finger along my cheek.  
“I’ll prove it to you.” I said firmly. He laughed humorlessly.  
“You can try, love.” He sighed.


	26. Love, sex and hospital beds

The next day, I had Gerard very last thing, and during class, Gerard seemed more uptight than usual. He flitted around the room nervously, asking questions that didn’t make sense, and generally confusing everyone. I think he was actually more aware of himself yesterday when he was drunk. I think it’d actually be funny if he didn’t look so worried.  
“What’s eating Mr. Way?” Chris hissed at me. I shrugged, feigning disinterest.  
“I dunno.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because I don’t.”  
“You should. Surely, spending that long looking at someone’s ass makes you a little bit in tune with their emotions.”  
“I don’t look at his ass.” I snapped.  
“Yes you do. I’m pretty sure your eyes are like, glued to it. Go on, Frankie, look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn’t do him.” He laughed, and I felt myself blush.  
“That’s…irrelevant. If you’re so worried about him, why don’t you ask how he is?”  
“He’s _your_ boyfriend.” Chris laughed. Gerard stopped and turned, smiling.  
“Who’s Frank’s boyfriend?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. From his amused expression, I knew he didn’t think we were talking about Cameron, which meant that that fucker had heard every damn word we’d said. I blushed and avoided Cameron’s glare and Chris’ dumb smile.  
“Nobody is my damn boyfriend.” I mumbled. Gerard’s eyes flicked up to Cameron, only for a second, as a smug smile spread across his face. Jesus, he was an asshole.  
He didn’t say anything else, but walked across the room to help some of the girls who were chatting amongst themselves.  
Chris beamed at me, his shoulders shaking, and I just shook my head.  
“You’re such an asshole.” I sighed, turning around so he couldn’t see me smiling. I caught Gerard’s eye and he winked at me, making the already present blush on my face go even darker. Gerard rose to his feet and walked back to his desk, sifting through some papers that rested there. He sighed, holding one up and looking at it with furrowed eyebrows. He shook his head and put it back down, rubbing his hand down his face and taking a few, calming breaths.  
“Dude, take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Chris hissed loudly. Gerard evidently heard, because he smirked, hiding his mouth behind his hand. I would have flicked him the finger, but the bell rang, and I knew that Gee and I had to leave pretty quickly if we wanted to make it to the hospital in time for visiting hours.  
“Okay, thanks guys!” he called, watching everyone file out. Cameron bounced over to me, smiling expectantly.  
“I’ll text you later, okay? I’ve got some stuff to do.” I explained. His face dropped in disappointment, but he nodded. I grabbed his hand before he could walk away.  
“Tomorrow, okay? We’ll hang out tomorrow.” I said softly. He kissed me softly on the lips before turning on his heel and storming out. By this point, everyone else had already left, so it was just me and a very disgruntled Gerard.  
“God, I hate watching him touch you.” Gee sighed, kissing my lips where Cameron’s were only a moment before. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck.  
“Sorry.” I said lamely. He chuckled and backed away from me, grabbing his bag.  
“Okay, ready?” he asked brightly. I nodded and followed him to his car, trying to remain discreet.  
  
Gee swung by the grocery store to grab us some food for the drive and some flowers for Mikey, and soon we were pulling away from our town. I hadn’t realized before, but Mikey’s hospital was just a little bit closer than the restaurant we went to at the weekend. I was almost bouncing in my seat with excitement, only Gerard’s hand, firm and heavy on my thigh was holding me down.  
“I’m so happy you guys are gonna meet. He’s gonna love you.” Gerard said, beaming.  
“Can I ask something?” I said softly. He nodded.  
“How will I know if he knows I’m there? Will he know I’m there?” I asked. Gerard smiled.  
“Yeah. The doctors are saying that it’s not that his brain isn’t _active_ , it’s that he just can’t use it. It’s more like he’s locked in than comatose.” He explained, and I nodded.  
“That’s kinda sad. Like, he can still think but he can’t express it?”  
“Kind of. But I think he likes the attention.” Gerard laughed, then frowned, shaking his head.  
“Y’know, in a way I hope he can’t hear me, because then he won’t know that I’m the only one that comes to see him.” He said bitterly. I chewed my lip.  
“How long’s he been…like that?” I asked.  
“About three years now.” He said sadly. If he hadn’t been driving, I’d have hugged him so tight. As it was, I just held his hand and kissed it softly.  
“You’re such a good brother.” I murmured.  
“Yeah, I try to be.” He smiled. I rubbed my thumb along his skin and he sighed happily.  
“You’re gonna make me sleepy.” He smiled, squeezing my hand.  
“I can’t wait to sleep with you.” I blurted out. I meant that I couldn’t wait to feel his body wrapped warmly around mine, his head on my chest, and waking up and feeling him so close to me. He smirked.  
“A bit forward there, Frankie?” he laughed. I groaned.  
“Not what I meant.”  
“No?” he asked, surprised. I rolled my eyes.  
“Well, I mean, yeah. That too. If you want. But I meant-“  
“Shh, I know.” He chuckled, squeezing my hand again. I sighed and leaned back against the seat, feeling soothed by the gentle rocking of the car.  
“I’ll wake you up when we get there, okay?” he said softly. I smiled sleepily and nodded, feeling my eyes close. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard him humming softly to some song that was playing on the radio.  
  
“C’mon baby, wake up.” Gerard’s voice floated to me from seemingly nowhere. I stretched and smiled at him, feeling a yawn splitting my face.  
“Hey baby.” I sighed. He chuckled and helped me take my seatbelt off.  
“You wanna stay out here and sleep or do you wanna meet my brother?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. His words brought me back to reality and I leapt out of the car, much to his amusement.  
“Sorry, yep. Mikey. Let’s go.” I said. He gave me the flowers to hold as he led me into the Hospital, his hand on the small of my back.  
The reception was, as expected, pristine white, with that overly clean smell that came with hospitals. I didn’t see why people didn’t like them – it was a place of healing, right? Even the people who didn’t heal were still at peace here. In a way, I thought hospitals were kind places.  
“Hey Barbara” Gee said, flashing a smile at the elderly receptionist. She grinned.  
“Hello Gerard. Here to see Mikey?”  
“I always am.” He laughed, leading me towards an elevator. He smiled at me sheepishly as the doors shut.  
“Yeah, ah, they know me here too.” He said, blushing. I took his hand and squeezed it, smiling gently.  
“No, I think it’s sweet. _You’re_ sweet.” I said. He kissed me softly, breaking apart just as the doors opened.  
“C’mon babe, just down here.” He said, taking the flowers from me. I followed him down the corridor that looked exactly the same as the rest of the building (unsurprisingly), until we reached a door that was partially open. Gerard took a sharp breath and knocked.  
“Is he decent?” he said, poking his head into the room. A young, attractive nurse smiled at us, pulling the door open wider.  
“Yeah, he’s great. I bet he can hardly wait to see you.” She said, batting her eyelashes at Gee. I fought the urge to roll my eyes as she looked at me.  
“And who’s this?”  
“My –ah, my stepson. Frank, this is Marie.” He said, gesturing to the nurse. My eyes widened in surprise at my new title, but I tried to cover it up and smiled at her.  
“Hey.” I said softly and she smiled at me briefly,and then turned back to Gerard.  
“How is Gina?” she asked. He nodded.  
“Yeah, um, she’s great.” He said weakly. Marie nodded and smiled, heading towards the door.  
“Well, if you need anything-“  
“Yeah, thanks.” He smiled. Once she’d left the room, I gave him an amused smile, and he narrowed his eyes at me.  
“Gina?.” I asked.  
“She kept flirting with me. I had to say somethin’.” He mumbled.  
“Whatever you say, _Daddy.”_ I purred. He bit his lip and pulled me into his arms, breathing in deeply.  
“God, I’m so glad I get you for a whole night.” He moaned. I laughed and kissed him chastely.  
“I think there’s someone I need to meet, right?” I asked, looking pointedly at the bed next to the window. Gerard stepped away from me and smiled widely.  
“Yeah!” he said, leading me over. He dropped down into the chair and placed the flowers on the bedside table, grabbing the man’s hand.  
“Frank, Mikey. Mikey, Frank.” Gerard said, smiling brightly. Mikey didn’t look a thing like Gerard. He was thinner, with a smaller, more pointed face. He was still attractive, though – maybe a little less cute than Gerard. I pulled up a chair next to Gee and chewed my lip.  
“It’s nice to meet you.” I said awkwardly, and Gerard laughed.  
“It might seem weird at first, but it’ll get easier.” He assured me, turning his attention back to Mikey. Machines beeped and flashed around us, and I felt slightly overwhelmed, not knowing what the majority of them even did, yet they were keeping the man in front of us alive.  
“We brought you more flowers. Real pretty, they’re white and pink roses. Frank helped choose them” Gerard said, smiling at me. I smiled back briefly.  
“Look at this.” Gerard murmured, pointing to the heart rate monitor beeping steadily. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Mikey, burying his face in his neck and holding him tightly, and I watched as his heart race excelerated. Gerard dropped back into his seat and beamed at me as Mikey’s heart slowed back down.  
“See, that’s how I know he can hear me.” Gerard said, taking his brother’s hand again.  
“I’m glad.” I said, smiling at Mikey. He he might look like he was sleeping, if it weren’t for the tubes and the monitors.  
“So, anyway, Mikes, not much is going on on our end. Work is…work. I threw up yesterday. I guess I drank a bit too much. That’s ironic, isn’t it? Don’t worry, once you wake up I won’t touch the stuff, I swear. It’s just hard without you. You can’t even imagine how much I miss you, Mikey. It’s hard not knowing if you miss me or not. I hope you do. You’re still my best friend.” He said, stroking his brother’s hair as he spoke. I felt my throat tighten and lowered my head so Gerard wouldn’t see the tears that dripped down my face. This was probably the most intimate thing I’d ever seen, and I felt like I was intruding.  
“I took Frankie up to Ma’s restaurant. She asked about you – they always ask about you when I go. I mean, I don’t really go often ‘cause it kinda makes me sad, what with Grandma gone and with you here. But Frankie was with me so I didn’t mind. They thought he was great – they seemed almost as surprised as I was that I still had it in me to get a guy half my age.” Gerard laughed vaguely, taking my hand in his free one.  
“You need to wake up so you can meet him, Mikes. ‘Cause he’s everything I’ve ever wanted, all the bad shit included.” He laughed softly. I couldn’t even look at him, guilt and sadness eating at my core.  
“I think you’re setting some unrealistic standards there, Gee.” I said lightly. He looked at me, his eyes full of pure love and adoration.  
“Am I?” he murmured, stroking my cheek gently. I smiled softly under his touch, just happy to stare in silence into his dark eyes. Our silence was broken by Mikey’s heart excelerating again, and Gerard pulled away, laughing and petting Mikey’s hair softly.  
“Shhh, you’re still my favourite guy.” He murmured, pushing the matted hair away from his sweat-glistened face, and Mikey’s heart rate slowly went back to normal. Gerard turned to me and smiled.  
“He gets panicky if he can’t hear me ‘cause he thinks I left without saying goodbye.” He explained. I nodded and smiled.  
“Are you uncomfortable?”  
“Huh? No, I just…I’m a bit overwhelmed.” I admitted. Gerard laughed.  
“Yeah, it’s a weird situation, I know. It’s kinda nice to just sit and talk though, right?” he asked, unsure. I kissed him on the cheek.  
“Yeah.” I said, smiling. He turned back to Mikey, smiling fondly, like a Mother to their newborn child, and I could see that he loved him, as purely as one person could ever love anyone else.  
“You’re gonna be alright, Mikes, aren’t you? My little fighter.” He said, his voice almost a whisper as his fingertips grazed his brother’s skin.  
“And then he and I…we’ll deal with our issues; all the drugs and the alcohol and all of it together, because we can’t do it alone. I can’t do any of this alone.” He said, more to himself than to me or Mikey.  
“Drugs?” I said hoarsely. He smiled warmly at me and squeezed my leg.  
“It’s not a problem right now, but yeah. I’ve been in pretty bad shape in the past, Frank.” He sighed, pursing his lips and looking down, ashamed. I held his chin and smiled.  
“It doesn’t matter, it’s in the past. You’re a good person and I love you for all of that. I’m not going to leave you just because you did some drugs. When I say I love you, I fucking _mean_ it. Whether you believe me or not.” I said firmly. He smiled and leaned in to brush his lips against mine.  
“God, I hope like fuck that you don’t say stuff like that to _him_.” He said, his eyes sad. I shook my head.  
“No. Just you. Always just you.” I breathed. He looked at me in disbelief, but didn’t say anything, instead he turned back to Mikey, his face forming that fond smile again.  
“When we were kids, Mikey didn’t like thunderstorms. I mean, apparently he still doesn’t ‘cause his heart does that weird speeding up thing, but before I needed a heart monitor to help me communicate with my brother, he hated thunderstorms. He used to climb into bed with Mom and Dad, but when he hit about 7, they told him he couldn’t anymore. He still couldn’t sleep though, so he’d come into my bed. I’d always complain, say he stunk and kicked or whatever, but I didn’t really care. I liked feeling…needed. And y’know what Frankie? He slept in my bed for every goddamn thunderstorm until he was 15.” He laughed, staring at his brother’s peaceful face. I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder.  
“That’s adorable.” I chuckled. His eyes never left Mikey’s as he smiled, his free hand combing through my hair. We almost didn’t hear the door opening behind us, but managed to break apart just in time. Marie stood by the door, smiling softly.  
“Hey, Ger’, it’s-“  
“Time to go. Got it.” He said, smiling weakly. I moved over and squeezed Mikey’s forearm.  
“See you soon. It was nice to meet you.” I said softly, before moving over to Marie to give them some privacy. Gerard leaned down and pressed a kiss to his little brother’s forehead.  
“Love you, Mikes.” He sighed, walking over to me, his face solemn.  
As we left, I heard the unmistakable sound of a heart rate monitor beeping faster than normal, but Gerard didn’t say anything, so neither did I.  
  
He was quiet on the car ride home, and my head whirred as I tried to think of something I could say to make him feel better. His hand reached out and turned the music up a little bit louder, but other than that, he just drove, his eyes fixed on the road. I stared out of the window, watching the rural, green expanses fly past, slowly fading into tall buildings and communities.  
“Frank.” Gerard said finally, his voice hoarse.  
“Mm?”  
“Tell me why you love me.” He said weakly.  
“Wh-what?” I stammered. He’d caught me off guard, that was for sure. He smiled sadly.  
“You keep telling me that you love me. Why?”  
“Fuck, Gee.” I groaned. He chewed his lip.  
“You can’t think of anything.” He said softly.  
“No, I can think of everything. I just do. I love you because you are, and because you’re beautiful, and because I couldn’t ever not love you. I just do. I can’t…explain it.”  
“Right.”  
“Why do you love me?” I retorted. His face pulled into a small smile.  
“Point made.” He agreed, taking my hand in his. We fell silent again.  
“I miss him so much.” Gerard whispered, tears running down his cheeks.  
“I know. I saw. I’ve never…”  
“What?”  
“I’ve never seen anyone love anyone else like that. It’s so…pure.” I admitted.  
“He’s all I have. Other than you, of course.” He smiled, squeezing my hand. Hello again, guilt.  
“He’ll wake up.” I said firmly. Gerard sighed.  
“How do you know?” He asked hopefully.  
“Because you deserve it, and because he loves you. He wouldn’t dare leave you.” I said, watching the slow smile spread across Gerard’s cheeks.  
“You’re so beautiful.” He said, not even looking at me.  
  
  
I expected that when we got home, Gerard would drop onto the sofa, dragging me down with him, and cuddle me until we fell asleep. He was still sort of sad and quiet and soft, and I wasn’t expecting to have sex with him tonight. That was fine.  
You can imagine my surprise, then, when we got in the door and he grabbed me by my jacket and slammed me into the door.  
“Fuck, Frank.” He moaned, kissing me slow and deep, his tongue sliding heavy over mine, leaving a trail of saliva between our lips when he pulled away to look at me appraisingly.  
“You already looked so fucked out.” He grinned, claiming my mouth again.  
“Bedroom.” I gasped. He bit his lip and dragged me by my jacket into the bedroom, throwing me down onto the bed and climbing onto my lap, straddling me.  
“God, I’ve wanted this all day.” He moaned, grinding his ass down into my cock. I smirked and held his thin, feminine hips, feeling them curve softly under my hands.  
“So pretty, Gerard. So fucking pretty.” I whispered, knowing now that he liked to be called that. Confirming it, he smiled brilliantly and kissed me, his lips soft against mine, his teeth scraping my bottom lip.  
“My pretty girl, aren’t you Gee? My gorgeous little girl.” I moaned, kissing his neck. He let out a moan and rubbed his ass harder against my cock.  
“Y-yes Frankie.” He whispered, burying his face in my neck as I dry-fucked him, aching to actually get inside him, but at the same time, trying to hold it off. We had all night, and I didn’t want to waste a single second of it.  
He clearly had the same idea, because he stopped and smiled mischievously at me.  
“Can I do somethin’?” he asked softly. I nodded without even asking.  
“Of course.” I breathed.  
“’kay. Stay here. Get naked. Close your eyes. Don’t open them.” He said firmly,but not completely dominant. I smiled and nodded, standing up when he left the room and letting my clothes fall to the floor, then sitting on the bed, eyes shut, my cock weeping in anticipation.  
“Eyes shut?” came Gerard’s smooth, husky voice. My breath hitched.  
“Y-yes.” I gasped. There was silence for a few moments, until felt his warm hand on my arm.  
“If you want me to stop, say the word. I won’t stop for any other word.” He said and I nodded.  
“Got it.” I said weakly, slightly worried. If we were using the safeword, it meant he really wasn’t sure if I’d like this. I barely had time to even consider it, when I felt something incredibly cold being placed against my throat. My eyes flew open, and I saw Gerard smirking, an ice cube held between his long fingers. It was already melting, the cold water running down my naked body and, surprisingly, making me even harder.  
“Fuck that feels…good….” I panted. He slid the ice cube lower, the intense cold sending waves of ice-cold pain through my body. It felt electric and addictive, if not a little bit painful, though that only added to the pleasure. He slid the cold cube across my nipples, causing me to gasp and arch into him. He slid it lower, blowing gently on the wet lines across my chest and stomach, making them even colder. By the time he made it to my waist, the ice cube had almost melted. He grabbed another two, smaller this time, and put one in his mouth, the other he slid between my lips, and I balanced it on my tongue. I didn’t know what he wanted me to do, so I just sat, letting it melt on my tongue. After a few moments, he leaned forward and kissed me, and I knew then why he’d given me the ice cube. The feeling of his cold, chapped lips against mine was enough to send electric waves through my whole body.  
“Fuck.” I breathed, leaning into him. He smiled and rolled on top of me, trapping me against the bed by my wrists, a seductive smile crossing his lips.  
“How was that?” he asked, his hand sliding down my still-wet stomach to stroke my cock idly. I moaned softly.  
“Weird. Good. But weird.” I panted. He laughed and kissed me, his hand tangling in my hair. I moved my hands to his tie, holding him to me with one hand while undoing the buttons on his shirt with the other, kissing him gently, our lips barely brushing.  
“Ah, Frankie.” He sighed, his head rolling back. I couldn’t reach his mouth anymore, so instead I attacked his neck with my tongue and teeth, loving the feeling of his soft skin and the gentle thump of his heartbeat under my lips as I pushed his shirt off his shoulders and reached down to unbuckle his pants, because fuck waiting, I needed my dick in him like, last year. He laughed and reached down, helping me slide his clothes off and throw them onto the floor with the rest of our clothes, tangled together in a messy pile. I reached down and pumped his cock, surprised, as always, at how thick and heavy it was in my hand.  
“Are you gonna finger fuck me or do you want me to do it myself?” he asked, laughing airily.I chewed my lip and pushed him so he was lying down on the bed.  
“I wanna try something.” I breathed, feeling a rush of confidence.  
“Anything.” He whispered. I moved so I was kneeling between his thighs, and brought his legs up so they were pushed almost against his chest.  
“Tell me…uhm….if I don’t do it right.”  
“Jesus, Frank, you’re about to eat my ass and you’re worried you won’t do it right?” he laughed, and I was slightly disappointed that he’d guessed what I wanted to do. I smiled nervously and kissed the inside of his thighs. He let out small, whispery moans as my hands and mouth moved lower, my lips brushing past bumps and lines left from razorblades and lonely nights. I kissed these especially, a silent promise that he’d never have to spend a night hating himself ever again. My lips brushed past his hole and he gasped, his hips thrusting up.  
“Stay still.” I said, one hand on his waist. He nodded, and I brought my mouth forward, my tongue sliding out to taste him.  
Thankfully, I wasn’t completely repulsed by the taste. On the contrary, he tasted almost sweet. I pushed his cheeks apart with my hands and buried my face between his legs, my tongue lapping hungrily at him, addicted to the pants and moans and cries of “fuck yes, baby, yes” that rose from his beautiful lips. My tongue was clumsy and inexperienced, my teeth accidentally scraping his skin occasionally, but he didn’t seem to mind as he held my hair, holding me to him.  
“Are you…you don’t have to keep doing that.” He said weakly, his hand becoming loose in my hair. I sat up, looking at him like he was fucking crazy.  
“I-what? Why wouldn’t I want to do it.”  
“I don’t know. I thought it might be gross.” He shrugged. I smiled and kissed him softly.  
“No, babe. Not gross at all.” I chuckled. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rolled over so he was on top of me again. He leaned in to kiss me, then stopped, biting his lip.  
“Am I crushing you?” he asked nervously. I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“What? Shit, Gee, no. Stop.” I said, leaning in to kiss him. He kissed me back, his hand sliding down my chest, then he stopped again.  
“You’d tell me if I was crushing you, right?”  
“Fuck. Yes, I would.” I said, getting impatient. He laughed a little and cupped my face in his hands, his hips rolling against my cock. I whimpered and rose my hips to meet his.  
“I’m too heavy, aren’t I?” he whispered. I groaned and pushed him off of me.  
“No! Jesus Christ, Gerard, you’re not too fucking heavy and you’re not crushing me and you’re not gross? What the fuck is the matter with you?” I snapped. He looked down and shrugged.  
“I don’t know. I just don’t feel sexy today.” He sighed. What?  
“You did like, ten minutes ago!” I cried, exasperated.  
“I guess.” He mumbled. I held his chin and forced him to look at me.  
“Gerard Way, you fucker, I think you are the sexiest, most beautiful man I’ve ever had the honor of looking at. Your ass is gorgeous, your body is perfect, and I love you. I just want to fuck you okay? Jesus, Gee, can I please just fuck you?” I said, moving back towards him, laying him down on his back so he wouldn’t feel as self-conscious. He sighed and smiled, kissing me.  
“M’sorry. You’re right.” He said. I nodded and tried to move his thighs apart, but he held them together.  
“What?” I asked, confused.  
“Ask.”  
“What?”  
“Ask if you can fuck me.”  
“Can I fuck you?” I asked desperately. He laughed, the noise was menacing, and sent shockwaves to my already achingly hard cock.  
“Is that any way to address me?” he asked, suddenly overly confident and sexy again. Thank God.  
“Sir?” I said. He shook his head.  
“Nope.”  
“Um. Master?” I whimpered. He laughed loudly.  
“Not tonight.” He chuckled, stroking down my side and cupping my ass. My eyes widened as I realized what it was he wanted.  
“D- _Daddy_?” I whispered. He bit his lip and moaned, nodding slowly. Well, fuck. I took a deep breath.  
“Can I fuck you, Daddy?” I breathed, the words sounding weird and foreign on my tongue. He moaned loudly.  
“Y-yes. Please. Fuck me. Jesus, Frank, just fuck me.” He panted, his hand pumping his flushed, swollen cock. My breath hitched as I pressed the blunt end of my cock to his ass.  
“Ready?”  
“Yeah. Now, baby.” He whispered. I pushed in slowly and he gasped, his nails digging into my shoulder.  
“S-so tight, honey. Am I hurting you?” I breathed. He smiled.  
“Yeah, fuck, that hurts. _Harder_.”He challenged and I smirked, pushing the rest of myself into him roughly. He hissed in pain, but it faded into a choked moan.  
“Say it again. Jesus, Frank, say it.” He begged. I kissed him, an amused smile on my lips.  
“You’re fucked up, Gee.” I laughed. He rolled his head back, an easy smile on his lips.  
“Please, Frank?”  
“Please what, Daddy?” I asked softly. He whimpered and wrapped his legs around my waist.  
“G-god, Frank. Fuck me. Harder, sweetheart. Just fucking…fuck me.” He moaned, writhing around on the bed underneath me.  
“Yes Daddy, anything you say. Gonna fuck you so hard, honey.” I moaned, my hips pounding into him as his nails dug into the mattress, his head lolling limply. I grabbed a handful of his hair and forced his lips against mine.  
“You’re so – _fuck_ – beautiful, Gee. Please I just… so beautiful.” I breathed, kissing him more gently, my hips moving more softly into him. He let out small whimpers instead of animal moans, but it was good. Better, even.  
“Don’t wanna hear any shit about you not being beautiful, okay?You’re so pretty, Gee, so perfect, I could just stare at you for hours and I – _oh fuck -_ I fucking love you. Gonna fucking marry you.” I said softly, kissing him. He whined underneath me, his hand holding my neck.  
“D’you mean that?” he said hoarsely. I looked down into his eyes, his body moving softly underneath mine as my hands mapped out his chest, fingers sliding over every scar and bump, and feeling saddened by each one I touched.  
I didn’t know what to say, so I said what I fucking _wanted_ to say, regardless of consequence.  
“Yeah babe. I’ll marry you.” I smiled into his skin. I didn’t have to look up to know he was smiling back.  
“God, I’m so in love with you.” He whispered. I kissed him again, my hips moving faster now, my movements more rough and urgent, my grip on his wrists tightening.  
“Fuck Frank. Baby, please, fuck me harder. Hurt me, baby. Need you to fuck me so I can’t walk.” He moaned, his hand wrapping around his cock again. I rested my head on his chest as I fucked into him as hard and fast as I could, hearing his loud, animalistic moans as I pounded his ass.  
“Cum in my ass, sweetheart. Fill Daddy’s ass with your cum.” He murmured, sucking lightly on my earlobe. I let out a cry that was more like a scream as I pulled him closer to me, my hands rough on his thighs as I fucked into him.  
“Fuck, Gee, I-I’m cu-“ but I didn’t even get to finish before I cried out, burying my face in his chest as I shot my load inside him. I panted loudly, kissing his skin softly as he jacked himself off.  
“Can I cum baby? Please?” he asked, and fuck, if I could have cum twice I would have.  
“Y-yeah baby. Please. Cum for me.” I whispered. As if following an order, he jacked his cock a couple more times, before he arched his back off the bed, exposing his throat to me as he came. He collapsed, holding me close to him, his breath jagged and heavy.  
“Shit, I love you so much. You have no fucking idea Frank I-“ he said before breaking off into gentle sobs. I shifted our position so he was resting his head on my chest, my hand stroking his hair.  
“Shh, baby, I know. It’s okay.” I whispered, kissing his head.  
“D-did you really mean what you said?” he asked gently.  
“Yeah, babe. I really did.” I said, not realizing the truth of my words until they spilled out of my mouth. He made a noise that was somewhere between a sob and a happy hum. He laughed and looked up at me.  
“My ass hurts.” He chuckled. I kissed his forehead, stroking his hair back from his face.  
“Shut up and sleep, _Daddy.”_ I teased. He laughed and kissed me deeply, his hand resting on my jaw.  
“You’re talking a lot of shit for someone whose mouth still tastes like my ass.” He chuckled. I rolled my eyes and pulled him under the covers with me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me, humming softly.  
“Do you believe that I love you yet?” I asked. He was silent for a moment, then kissed my head.  
“I’m getting there.” He smiled.


	27. Zenith and Nadir

I gasped, moaned and woke up all at the same time, feeling the warm heat of Gerard’s mouth wrapped around my semi-hard cock. I glanced at the clock – 6am. He started early. His eyes glittered when he saw that I was awake. He pulled away and jacked my cock softly.  
“Morning, beautiful.” He said, leaning forward and kissing my slack lips. I sighed and fell back against the pillows as he went back to swirling his tongue around the head of my cock.  
“This is…unexpected.” I murmured, my hand stroking lazily through his hair.  
“I…just…love you.” He said between each lick.  
“No, you love my cock.” I corrected him, laughing lightly. He pursed his lips and sat up, pulling me into his arms as he covered my neck and chest in kisses.  
“No baby, Daddy loves all of you.” He purred. I bit my lip and laughed, catching his lips with mine.  
“Well then, Daddy had better get back to sucking my cock, shouldn’t he?” I teased, threading my hand through his hair. He smirked, kissing my lazily.  
“Or you could fuck me again.” He suggested darkly. I smiled and kissed his jaw.  
“I could. But you wouldn’t be able to walk, and I’ll remind you that I have a lesson with you this afternoon.” I said, petting his hair. He pouted and slid away from me.  
“Fine.” He said, pressing a kiss against my lips, and walking over to his wardrobe.  
“You’re giving up easily.” I laughed, slightly disappointed. He smirked and shrugged as he got dressed.  
“You’re right, I shouldn’t.” he said, sliding his blazer on and doing his tie up. He looked handsome in a suit, and I wasn’t sure why he didn’t wear one more often. He slid his tie up, before meeting my eyes and smiling.  
“I shouldn’t get fucked before work. I mean, it’s gonna be hard enough with my ass feeling like it does already, but if you fucked me again, it’d just be worse. My legs would be so weak that I’d have to sit down, with my cock throbbing and my ass aching, and maybe by the time I had my lesson with you, I wouldn’t be able to help myself, and I’d have to jack off under the table, and maybe slide a finger or two into my ass, real subtle. Not even you’d notice.” He said, looking away from me. He leaned against the doorframe, his hand resting on his thigh.  
“God, Frankie, I’m so hard.” He whined, his hand sliding up his leg. I moaned softly as I watched him – that teasing fuck.  
“Maybe I’ll have to go jack myself off in the staff bathroom. Again.” He said hoarsely.  
“Again?” I asked. He smiled.  
“It’s a habit I’ve picked up since seeing you.” He said, his eyes fluttering closed. He moaned loudly as he rubbed his hand over the bulge in his work pants, and I found myself crawling over to him, stopping when I reached the end of the bed.  
“If I fuck you, will you stop being such a fucking tease?” I begged. He rubbed himself harder, moaning even more loudly and leaning heavily against the doorframe.  
“Maybe.” He smiled, his eyes still shut. I stood up and grabbed him roughly by his tie, smashing my mouth into his, swallowing the moan that emitted from his throat.  
“Are you gonna be good and make me cum nice and quickly? We can’t be late, darling.” he murmured, pressing his lips to my jawline. I gasped and put my hands on his hips, pulling him over to the bed, and on top of me.  
“Yeah, babe. Make you cum real fast.” I panted, claiming his mouth again. He shifted uncomfortably on top of me, and I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“What’s wrong babe?” I asked, and he blushed.  
“Can I go on the bottom?” he whispered. I groaned and shook my head.  
“No. I want you on top of me.” I snapped, and he knew better than to reply. I kissed him softly to make up for the harshness in my voice, and he melted against me – a silent apology and forgiveness all in one movement. Not stopping the kiss, I slid his pants (still undone from where he’d been too distracted earlier) and fresh boxers down to the middle of his thighs, granting me access to his tight, warm ass.  
“You still loose from last night?” I asked against his lips, and he nodded. He shifted forwards, his thighs opening so I could slide into him. I was amazed at how easily my cock buried itself inside of him, like we’d fucked an hour ago instead of the night before. He made a light noise of discomfort, but smiled at me to encourage me to continue. I gripped his hips tightly, thrusting myself hard into him, making him squeal with pain and pleasure. He locked his arms around my neck as I fucked into him, his body bouncing as I thrust roughly into him.  
“F-fuck Daddy, your hole is so loose.” I groaned. This wasn’t strictly true, it was still tight enough to make me feel good, but I knew he’d appreciate the dirty talk.  
“Harder, Frankie, fuck me harder.” He sobbed, bringing his hips down to meet my cock, burying me even deeper inside him.  
“You won’t be able to walk.” I smiled, feeling his legs already shaking and weak around my waist. He smiled back.  
“That’s the idea, sweetheart.” He moaned. I wrapped a hand around his cock and pumped him in time to my rough, needy thrusts into him. As sexy as this all was,I was conscious of the time, and that we really needed to start getting ready. I pulled him close, sucking and kissing the smooth skin of his neck and shoulders.  
“Cum for me, honey. Please, cum all over me.” I moaned in his ear. He groaned and raised himself up on his knees before slamming himself down onto my cock so hard it was almost painful. He came as my cock connected with his prostate and he let out a low, gutteral moan as he covered both of us in cum, and I, in turn, reached my climax still buried deep inside him, my juices mixing with the ones from the night before. We collapsed on the bed, smiling widely at each other.  
“We should get ready.” I panted, kissing his cheek. He laughed.  
“I would, but uh. I can’t walk.” He said, smiling sheepishly.  
  
  
One quick breakfast and a lot of wincing and groaning in pain from my LITERAL pain in the ass boyfriend, and we pulled up a little bit away from school. Gerard leaned forwards and kissed me deeply.  
“I’m in so much pain.” He smiled. I shook my head.  
“I have no sympathy for you, slut.” I chuckled. He pouted, and I kissed him again.  
“See you in class, Daddy.” I purred. He gripped my forearms tightly, breathing heavily through his nose. I just laughed and slid happily out of the car, only just hearing him mutter “son of a bitch” as I slammed the door shut. It’d snowed a little bit over night, and my feet crunched through the snow as I approached the school, my breath visible in the air in front of me. I could still taste Gerard’s mouth, hot and passionate on my lips, and I felt an urge to run back to him. I knew I was seeing him later, of course, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him right fucking now.  
I decided I didn’t want to see my friends – and, inevitably Cameron – straight away, so I got some coffee from the café next to the school. I drank it slowly, feeling it burn as it ran down my throat, rinsing out Gerard’s taste from my mouth leaving only the bitter taste of cheap coffee covering my tongue and gums. I cupped my hands around it, using the cup as more of a heater than a drink as I, defeated, approached my friends. To my surprise and ultimately my delight, Cameron wasn’t amongst them.  
“Hey guys. I smiled. They smiled back, helping themselves each to a gulp of my coffee. Thanks, guys.  
“Where’s your boo?” Chris asked. I shrugged.  
“Dunno.”  
“Text him, then.” Chris said, as if it was obvious. I nodded and did as he said.  
  
 **TO: Fucktoy** Hey you, where are you? X  
  
I smirked to myself at his name on my phone, which I hadn’t changed back since Gee had put it in. Maybe I would later, but for now, it made me laugh whenever his name popped up.  
  
 **FROM: Fucktoy** running l8. C u in art xx  
  
I didn’t respond, just shoved my phone into my pocket.  
“He says he’s just running late.” I said, trying to act relieved.  
“So now what?” Chris asked, rolling onto the heels of his feet. Because of the snow, school was starting a little bit later to allow all of the teachers and students to get in. It also meant that it finished an hour later, but I didn’t mind; at least we didn’t have to rush into class.  
As the thought passed through my mind, I saw Gerard walking past me, towards the designated smoking area.He didn’t see me, but he did give me an idea.  
“I could go for a smoke.” I said. Joe nodded and Chris glared at us in disapproval.  
“You guys go, I’m gonna head to the library.” He said, giving a half-wave. I didn’t smoke often, but enough that I was comfortable with it. Joe chatted away to me, talking about some girl he was seeing. I was happy for him, of course, but I was slightly preoccupied with trying to find Gerard.  
“Dude, are you even listening?” he asked when I didn’t reply. I sighed and leaned against the wall, ignoring the way the cold bit my skin. Gerard was leaning on the wall across from us and, apparently, hadn’t seen me yet. A cigarette rested loosely between his fingers, and I watched, hypnotized as he pulled deeply on it, letting the smoke drift out of his mouth. I realized Joe was still waiting for an answer.  
“Yeah, you weren’t sure if she wanted you to touch her boobs, but you went for it and she liked it.” I smiled. He nodded and stuck his hand in his pocket, pulling out his pack of cigarettes.  
And then, because the universe seems to love me now, the best thing ever happened.  
“Ah, dude, I only have one. Sorry.” He said, shimmying it out of the pack. I shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant.  
“It’s fine. Maybe Mr. Way will lend me one.” I suggested. Joe nodded.  
“Yeah, he should, he’s let me have one of his a few times before.” He said. I smiled and crossed the smoking area to where Gerard leaned. He smiled as he saw me approaching, smoke drifting out of his nostrils.  
“Can’t get enough, Frankie?” he teased.  
“Gimme a cigarette.” I said. He raised his eyebrows, pulling the pack out from his pocket  
“I didn’t realize you smoked.” He mused.  
“Maybe pay more attention next time.” I said darkly. He whimpered softly in the back of his throat, and took a pull on his cigarette to hide it.  
“So where’s your little slut?” he laughed bitterly.  
“I think you know that if either of you is a slut, it’s you.” I said innocently. He rolled his eyes and held the cigarette out to me, then, changing his mind, pulled it away and placed it between my lips instead. He pulled his lighter out from his pocket and looked me in the eyes as he lit the end of the cigarette, and there was something vaguely sensual about it – enough, anyway, for my breath to hitch noticeably enough for him to smirk around his cigarette.  
“Getting a bit flustered, sweetheart?” he asked smoothly. I took a deep pull on the cigarette, feeling the smoke leave my nose. Gerard bit his lip and smiled.  
“That’s so hot.” He laughed.  
“Who’s flustered now?” I teased. He raised an eyebrow and pulled my cigarette from between my lips, dropping it on the floor. I was about to protest, when he pushed his own cigarette into my mouth. I sucked on it, moaning as I felt the smoke fill my lungs.  
“Still you. Have fun explaining that.” He said, his eyes flickering to Joe, who was making no secret of staring at us. I groaned.  
“I hate you.”  
“Knew it.” He said with a wink, walking towards the building, a slight limp in his step. Awkwardly, I made my way back to Joe, who stared at me, wide-eyed.  
“What the fuck just happened?” he asked.  
“He dropped my cigarette and didn’t have another one, so he let me have his.” I said quickly, pulling deeply on my cigarette. I could taste him again, and it seemed to stain my lips. Joe shook his head.  
“That dude has boundary issues.” He laughed, dropping his finished cigarette to the floor. I was reluctant to do the same, but I didn’t want to seem weird, so I did, proud in the knowledge that I’d turned Gee on, even a little bit.  
  
Cameron seemed unusually pleased to see me when he sat next to me in Art, claiming my mouth almost possessively.  
“Woah, hey.” I chuckled. Somewhere he’d decided that it was okay to kiss me now, and I sort of just went with it, so long as it wasn’t right in front of Gee.  
“Sorry, I missed you.”  
“You saw me yesterday.”  
“Yeah but I knew you were with him and it made me want to see you even more.” He murmured. I chewed my lip, knowing I had to say something.  
“Cam, you know he’s the one who’s my boyfriend, right?” I asked slowly. He laughed bitterly.  
“I know. I wish I was, though.” He said softly, entwining our fingers. I just squeezed back, not sure what to say. As always, I was struck with how easy and natural being with Cameron was, but he didn’t set my heart on fire like Gerard did, and I don’t think he ever could. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – Gerard was fire, and Cameron was water.  
“Do you think, if things didn’t work out with him-“  
“I don’t know.” I breathed. He nodded.  
  
Just before lunch, I got a text from Gee.  
  
 **FROM: Daddy.  
(1:35pm)**  
Won’t be there at lunch because I sat down at my desk and now I can’t move. Not kidding at all. I have no idea how the fuck I’m meant to teach you guys anything.  
  
I rolled my eyes at the name he gave himself in my phone, probably when I was sleeping last night. I changed it back, to save myself from any awkwardness before replying.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:38pm)**Stop whining you little bitch, you begged me for it.  
I’m sorry it hurts though, baby. I’ll eat your ass and make it better. <3  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:43pm)**I hate you.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(1:45pm)**I love you.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:49pm)**Fuck you.  
I love you more.  
  
I slid my phone away, laughing quietly to myself, tuning back into the conversation.  
“…and then he fucking puts his cigarette into Frank’s mouth!” Joe exclaimed. Chris turned and beamed at me, and Cameron just sat looking at the hands entwined in his lap.  
“It wasn’t a big deal.” I sighed.  
“Yes it was, dude. He wants your ass.”  
“He does not!” I laughed, trying to make light of it.  
“It sounds pretty intimate.” Chris said, agreeing with Joe. Cameron gave me an odd look that I couldn’t quite place.  
“C’mon guys, you’re upsetting Cam.” I laughed, squeezing his hand. He gave me a small smile and squeezed back. Joe and Chris shuffled awkwardly  
“Sorry Cam.” They mumbled. He smiled at me, stroking my jaw with a finger. I chuckled, pulling out my phone without even thinking.  
  
 **FROM: Gee.  
(1:58pm)**This is where you say you love me more. Asshole  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(2:01pm)**Shut up, whiny ass bitch.  
Of course I love you more. Go put some ice up your ass. <3  
  
When I looked up, Cameron was staring at me, eyebrows raised.  
“Two phones?” he asked softly. I chuckled nervously.  
“Uh, yeah.”  
“Smart.” He nodded, seeming impressed. I laughed and leaned into him, sighing happily when he wrapped his arms around me. It was nice to be able to be like this with him without worrying about Gerard watching and getting hurt.  
“You guys are cute. When are you gonna just admit you’re dating.” Joe demanded, earning a sharp slap on the arm from Chris.  
“S’not like that.” I mumbled, embarrassed.  
“Frank doesn’t want that.” Cameron said firmly. Chris shook his head.  
“You’re crazy, dude.” he said, but didn’t try to convince me otherwise, which I was happy about. Joe stared at me like I’d grown a third eye, but even he didn’t say anything.  
It almost made me feel bad for lying. Almost.  
  
I was almost giddy with excitement by the time we got to class. I couldn’t wait to see him, even though I’d already seen him today. Still, I wanted to see if he’d meant what he said about not being able to stand. Since he was sitting down when I walked in, I guessed that he had. He glared at me as I walked in the room and I beamed at him, dropping Cameron’s hand.  
“Asshole.” He coughed, and I snorted. He was such an idiot; of course, I probably wouldn’t have loved him if he weren’t.  
“Right guys.” He said, clapping from behind his desk. I could barely hold my smile.  
“You’re gonna hate me a lot, but I was going to ask you to carry on reading and making notes.” He said, and the class groaned.  
“Sorry, I’m just not feeling very well today.” He said, shooting a glare at me. I smiled innocently and took my book out of my bag.  
The class was silent for a moment, until he started laughing.  
“What’s so funny?” asked Jasmine. Gerard smirked.  
“Just remembered somethin’. This morning, one of the kids in the younger classes accidentally called me ‘Dad’.” He said smoothly. I nearly fucking choked.  
A few kids looking for an escape to stop working laughed.  
“Have any of you guys done that before?” he asked, and a few kids nodded. He laughed, running a hand through his hair.  
“It’s awkward isn’t it?” he said, turning his attention to me.  
“Frank did that once, I remember.”  
“Did what?” I asked slowly, warning him. He shook his head slightly, his smile widening.  
“Called me Daddy, didn’t you?” he asked, his voice dropping to a low purr. Though, if anyone else noticed, they didn’t say anything, they just laughed at the story. I played along.  
“It was once and I’d just woken up.” I grumbled. He chuckled, lowering his head.  
“Wow.” Cameron said from behind me. I turned around and shot him an apologetic look.  
“Sorry.” I mouthed. He just shook his head, smiling, telling me that it wasn’t me that he was blaming.  
“How’s everyone getting along in their reading?” Gerard asked, and everyone mumbled in response.  
“Cameron? How are you finding it?” he asked, leaning forward on his hand. Cameron sniffed.  
“Fine.” He mumbled. Gerard tilted his head to the side.  
“Have you gotten to the bit where they shoot the dead dog?” he asked. Cameron met his gaze.  
“Yep.” He said coldly.  
“I think it’s kind of sad, the way they just shoot it. Don’t you?”  
“Diseased animals need to be put down.” He said calmly, but I could hear the hiss in his words. Gerard laughed a little bit nervously and turned back to his work. Cameron was making him uneasy, I could tell, and that was without Gerard knowing Cam even knew. Granted, Gerard was starting it, but if he was immature, it was only because of my own selfishness, so I couldn’t really blame him. I didn’t realize I was staring at him until he smiled at me.  
“Stop staring at me.” He said softly, but apparently loud enough for Cameron to hear, because his head snapped up. I turned around and gave him a “what the fuck do you think you’re doing” kind of look, and he just took a deep breath, clearly trying to calm down. I turned to the front where Gerard was looking at him with actual concern on his face.  
“Is he okay?” he mouthed, probably fearing that he took it too far with his comment about the dead dog. He was obviously just trying to tease him for his own amusement, but wasn’t actually trying to upset him.  
“Stop talking about me, I’m right here.” Cameron snapped. Gerard raised his eyebrows, looking unsettled.  
“Is there something wrong, Cameron? How about we go outside for a minute and-“  
“No.”  
“O-kay.” He said softly, furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Just piss off.” Cameron said, uncharacteristically. There was a low murmur throughout the class. Gerard dropped his concern and put his ‘teacher’ face on which, at any other time would have totally turned me on.  
However, watching my actual (but very illegal) boyfriend yell at my ‘not really but sort of’ other boyfriend who was very legal and who knew I was dating the illegal boyfriend, unknown to said boyfriend, and who therefore had the upper hand? That wasn’t hot. That was confusing. And scary.  
“Cameron, I think we need to have a talk.” He said slowly and precisely.  
“I think you need to fuck off.”  
“You can’t talk to me like that.” Gerard said, calm, but clearly fuming. It was normally at this time that people would shut the fuck up and apologise.  
“Yes I can. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Your creepy ass crush on my boyfriend makes you pretty vulnerable, doesn’t it?” he sneered. Gerard winced at the term ‘boyfriend’, and my heart ached in my chest. This isn’t what I fucking wanted. Cameron was supposed to make things easier, not more difficult. For the 46 billionth time, I wished I hadn’t fucking told him. Instead of getting angry, though, Gerard smirked. His eyes were dark and angry, and he looked totally fucking terrifying.  
“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.” He said smoothly, enunciating each word. The class was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Cameron’s knuckles turned white from where he had his fists clenched.  
“Actually, yeah. I do.” He said, looking at me. I turned back to the front, and saw Gerard (badly) try to remain impassive, but as he looked at me, I saw betrayal and hurt in his eyes.  
“If you have a problem with me, you and Mr. Iero can speak to me about it after class.” He said, shooting Cameron a glare that probably could’ve killed him.  
“Yeah.” He said in response. The class was silent for the rest of the lesson, except for the soft noise of Gerard breathing heavily as he tried to calm down.  
  
 **TO: Gee.  
(2:46pm)**Baby are you okay? I’m so fucking sorry.  
  
The vibration the phone made seemed deafening in the silent classroom. He sighed and looked at the text, then to me, and just put his phone down deliberately on his desk. Ouch.  
When the bell rang to dismiss us, the whole class stared at us as they left. My cheeks were burning red to match the blood boiling in my veins.  
“Dude that wasn’t fucking cool.” Chris said from behind me. He was leaning on Cameron’s desk, looking disapprovingly.  
“Someone had to fucking say it.” He sighed. Chris shook his head.  
“No, man, they didn’t. What the dude does or doesn’t do in his life isn’t any of your business.”  
“It is when it’s my boyfriend that’s being preyed on.”  
“Frank isn’t your boyfriend, though. And correct me if I’m wrong, but Mr. Way isn’t preying on anyone. Stop being so damn jealous, it makes you look like an asshole.” Chris said. He patted my shoulder as he walked past.  
“You okay, man? Must’ve been pretty embarrassing for you.”  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just angry. Like, I don’t know. It’s not even true, you know? I didn’t know he was so jealous and manipulative and…rude. He’s never like that around me.”  
“Love makes people do weird shit.” Chris said softly, heading for the door.  
“Hey, Mr. Way?” he said. Gerard looked up, his face expressionless.  
“I know that ah, what Cam said isn’t true, but if it were that’d be fine. Like you know, Frank’s a cute guy, if you like other guys, so yeah. Good choice.” He said, and a small smile pulled up the side of Gerard’s mouth.  
“I appreciate that.” He said coolly, and Chris smiled as he left. I felt a rush of affection for him, and how respectful and kind he was. I knew I could trust him, and I felt sort of bad for lying this whole time. Maybe I’d tell him now.  
Cameron’s hand touched my shoulder and I shrugged him off. I wasn’t in the mood.  
“Frank, I’m sorry. Just everything they were saying at lunch, and then the way you two fucking act together. I just got angry.” He said softly. I didn’t say anything.  
Gerard looked up after a moment and sighed.  
“So. He knows.” He said coldly. I nodded, unable to meet his gaze. Gerard groaned.  
“Jesus, Frank. Of all the people you could have fucking told, you told the guy who actually has an excuse to try and fuck it up?” he said despairingly.  
“He guessed.” I said lamely.  
“It wasn’t hard.” Cameron murmured.  
“What?” Gerard demanded. Cameron made an exasperated noise.  
“Dude, everyone knows. Everybody fucking _knows._ Okay, maybe they don’t know you’re fucking, but for the last two years, everyone has known you’ve had a crush on Frank. That’s why nobody was surprised when I said it just now. It’s all of those adoring little looks, or the way you always fucking touch him when you walk past him, or the way he’s an exception to every damn rule you have. Even before you two were actually fucking, everyone thought you wanted to fuck him. Which, you did, didn’t you?”  
“N-no. Not until-“ he said, getting flustered. It was an unusual sight because he was normally so collected.  
“Liar. You’ve wanted to fuck him since he was 15. A 15 year old _child_ , and you wanted to screw him, didn’t you?”  
“No.” Gerard said weakly. He was lying, and it made me feel uncomfortable, to say the least. I hadn’t noticed at all, but apparently everyone else had. Nice of them to let me in on it.  
“Yes. And now you’re using the fact that he’s eighteen to justify to yourself that you’re not the sick, twisted pervert you know you are. Just admit it.” Cameron shouted. Gerard slammed his fist on the table.  
“Fine! Fuck, I fucking admit it, okay? Yes, Frank, okay I’ve always wanted you. I didn’t do anything about it though, did I?” he said, tears streaming down his cheeks. I wanted to hold him, until I remembered that I actually could. I walked over to his chair and pulled his head to my chest, cradling him and stroking his hair as he whimpered against me.  
“Shit, I’m so sorry. I’m disgusting.” He breathed. I shook my head and knelt down next to him, pushing his hair out of his eyes.  
“No, honey. It’s okay. You waited, didn’t you?” I said.  
“I didn’t want to. God, Frank, you were a fucking child, and the things I wanted to do to you. I’d sit here and watch you and fucking _fantasize_ about you. I’m a monster.”  
“Shut up. You couldn’t help the attraction, but you _chose_ to ignore it. We’re our choices, and you’re a good person.”  
“It was only you. It’s never happened to me before. I don’t just go around wanting to fuck children all the time.” He laughed dryly. I kissed him gently.  
“It’s fine, you don’t need to justify yourself to me. Besides, I was almost 16 anyway, right?” I joked. He chuckled softly and held my hand. When I turned around, Cameron looked like he’d been punched in the stomach and I chewed my lip, feeling guilty. Gerard straightened himself out and looked at Cameron.  
“So, when can I expect the police at my door?” he said, strangely businesslike, especially considering that his hand was shaking in mine. He was terrified, and it was all my fault. I rubbed soothing circles into his hand and he smiled softly and let out a small hum, despite himself.  
“They won’t.” Cameron said hoarsely. Gerard looked up at him.  
“Why?”  
“I’m not going to tell. I promised Frank I wouldn’t, and I stand by that.” He said firmly. Gerard’s face broke out into a relieved smile, and I could almost see the tension pouring out of him.  
“Thank you, Cameron. That’s very noble of you.” He said, looking deeply into his eyes.  
“Can I ask you somethin’?”  
“Sure.”  
“If I told you that I’d tell unless you left Frank, would you?”  
“No.”  
“Why?”  
“I’d rather die.” He said. I felt choked up and moved closer to Gee. He smiled a little and slid me onto his lap, resting me on one side so he could still talk to Cameron.  
“So you’d go to prison, and risk whatever other consequence that might come, just so you could stay with him?”  
“Yes. I’d rather die than live without him.” Gerard said, looking at me, his eyes warm and soft. He ran a hand softly down my cheek, his thumb stroking my jawline.  
“Shh, sweetheart, don’t cry. It’s all okay.” He murmured. I hadn’t realized I was crying until he mentioned it.  
“I fucked up.” I breathed. He wrapped his arms around my waist and shook his head.  
“I’m not mad, baby. It was gonna happen eventually. It’s fine, sweetheart. We’re fine.” He said, resting his forehead against mine. I smiled weakly.  
“Well, fuck.” Cameron sighed. We both turned towards him.  
“What?” I asked softly. He shook his head.  
“You really love him.” He said. It was directed at Gerard, who smiled softly, staring at me like I was the Sun.  
“I do. I love him more than anything.”  
“I was hoping it was just sex.” He admitted awkwardly. Gerard laughed, then put his hand high on my thigh protectively.  
“It’s sex too, though, Cameron. I think you should remember that next time you touch him in front of me.” He said darkly, threateningly, erasing all façade of a truce. Cameron squared his jaw.  
“He’s never said no so far.” He murmured, eyes flickering to me. Jesus Christ, this was such a weird situation. Gerard raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
“He’s never begged you to let him fuck you though, has he? Or bent over a table all obediently for you while you whipped the shit out of him with a belt, or let you eat that cute ass of his. Has he?” He smirked and I blushed.  
“Gee, stop.” I murmured, but he just chuckled, rubbing my arm. Cameron’s jaw dropped at Gerard’s words, and he was just staring at us, his ears burning.  
“So, again, I’d like to ask you not to touch my things.” Gerard said, holding me tightly. I felt my cock twitch in my jeans at his possessiveness and Christ, this wasn’t the time for that.  
Cameron smiled a little, laughing lightly under his breath.  
“So, you bottom?” he asked, clearly amused. Gerard gave me a look that said “is this guy fucking kidding?” and turned back to Cameron.  
“Yeah, I do. Funny, right?”  
“A bit.” Cameron admitted.  
“Yeah, it is funny I guess. It’s so funny when he cries, begging for me to let him fuck me, and when he fucks me on his fingers, almost passing out from pure fucking _need_ , and the look on his face when he slides into me, his cock filling up my ass, or the way _my_ Frankie looks covered in cum. Really, it’s hilarious.” He murmured, and I felt his cock harden underneath me. Well, fuck. Go big or go home, I guess. Cameron shifted uncomfortably (understandably, because he was the only one in the room who didn’t have a boner), looking at me searchingly.  
“I didn’t need to hear that.” He murmured, and my heart dropped. Gerard was hurting him, and what was worse, he knew it.  
“It’s even funnier afterwards, though. When he yawns and pulls out, and I take him into my arms and hold him, and kiss him and he tells me he loves me. That’s the funniest part.” He breathed, his breath hitching as he slid his fingers down the smooth skin of my neck.  
“Stop, Gerard, you’re hurting him.” I murmured, feeling powerless. Gerard’s eyes flashed up.  
“No. He needs to know. He needs to know that you’re fucking _mine.”_ he practically snarled. Cameron sighed.  
“Yeah, shit, I fucking know. He reminds me enough times.” Cameron shot.  
“I feel very little sympathy for you, considering you’re trying to take my life away from me.” Gerard said, tilting his head. God, that man was pure sass when he wanted to be.  
“You can’t keep him, though. He’ll get bored of you eventually.” He said in a tone so matter-of-fact that it threw me off guard. Gerard stared at him for a minute, pulling me closer.  
“Get out.” He said softly. Cameron laughed, exasperated.  
“You’ve got to be kidding me. What, do you think he’s gonna _marry_ you?” he asked, raising his eyebrows when Gerard blushed.  
“Get out.” He repeated, his voice weak. Cameron didn’t move.  
“Cam, if you don’t leave right now, we’re done.” I said angrily. How fucking dare he? Sure, Gerard had just spent the last half hour doing the same thing back, but Cameron’s comments were unwarranted and unfair. Or maybe _I_ was unfair. Either way, nobody got to hurt Gerard on my watch. Cameron chewed his lip and nodded, walking out of the room.  
“Call me later?” He asked and I nodded. As soon as the door shut, Gerard was pushing me off his lap, turning away from me suddenly.  
“Is everything okay?” I asked, reaching for his hand. He spun around, his eyes cold and angry.  
“Jesus, Frank. I still can’t believe you told him. What the fuck were you thinking?”  
“I thought you said-“  
“I wasn’t going to do this in front of him, was I?” he spat. I felt tears swimming in my eyes.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t-“  
“Just go.” He sighed. I chewed my lip.  
“Please, Gee.” I said, walking towards him. He stepped away from me.  
“Don’t even touch me. Just go. I can’t fucking believe you.”  
“I didn’t mean to.” I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks.  
“You completely broke my trust and put us both in danger, just so that slut would still want your dick.” He snarled.  
“No, it wasn’t like that!”  
“I don’t care. Y’know what, if you can’t choose between us, I’ll make the choice for you. Get the fuck out.” He said coldly.  
“I can choose. I choose you, Gee, every fucking time. You know tha-“  
“Then why is he even still here!? It was a cute idea at first, Frank, but it’s not working!” he exploded.  
“I’ll end it, then.” I whispered. Gerard shook his head.  
“No. He’ll tell if you do. God, Frank, I can’t even look at you. Just leave me alone.” He said. I walked to the door, my heart heavy.  
“You know, sometimes I wish I’d never met you.” He said coldly. I spun around, my heart in my throat.  
“Please don’t say that.” I whispered thickly.  
“My life would be so much…easier. All I’d have to worry about is Mikey, and even he doesn’t cause me as much pain as you do.”  
“It’s worth it, though. The pain. Right?” I whispered. He didn’t reply, and I felt fresh tears spill down my face.  
“What about everything you just said? About not living without me?”  
“Of course I can’t live without you! I fucking love you, Frank, but I’m dying if I stay with you and I’ll die if I leave, so why does it matter?”  
“Please. Please, I love you. Don’t do this, honey. Not now, we can work through this, _please_.” I begged. He sighed, sounding bored. I took a deep breath and closed the distance between the door and me.  
“Text me later, okay?” I said weakly. He let out a bitter laugh.  
“Don’t count on it.”


	28. Disenchanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> self harm/blood/alcohol/drug use/suicide trigger warnings. Stay safe! <3

It happened two weeks before Christmas. Up until then, Gerard and I were in an awkward phase where we were absolutely miserable without each other, but refused to get back together. During a drunken phonecall initiated by him at 3am, he told me that I was utterly unlovable, and that I was a selfish prick. I told him he was too fucked up and broken for anyone to ever want. He came to school with cuts on his arms the next day, and I hated myself.  
At the same time, though, he’d sometimes walk past me and look like he was checking my work, while his hand lingered softly on my back, or on my wrist, or he’d wink at me and chew his lip as he talked. Those days were my favourite.  
The general consensus, though, was that we were broken up. It was a truth that made my heart sink constantly, feeling heavy and useless in my chest. Even Cameron, with his warm smiles and tentative kisses couldn’t chase away the darkness that seemed to settle on my skin. I was too stubborn, though, to just tell Gerard that I missed him and needed him more than I needed air in my damn lungs.  
  
From the ashes of Gerard and I, though, rose a new comradeship between Cameron and I. He was so forgiving and understanding, his hands rubbing my back as I sobbed into his shoulder, almost screaming about how much Gerard had hurt me, and continuing to do so every damn time I broke down in front of him. He’d just hold me, rocking me gently as I called Gerard every name under the sun, sometimes chuckling and agreeing with me. When I was done, he’d kiss me softly and remind me that he thought I was incredible, and I just sat there, hoping his compliments could wash away the grungy sadness that buried itself under my fingernails. They never could, though.  
What even Cameron couldn’t save me from was the nighttime. I still had Gerard’s number on a separate phone, which I kept charged and with me at all times, just for comfort, and for occasionally torturing myself with old messages. I’d stare at it for hours, flitting between desperately wanting it to ring, and almost calling him myself. The only thing that stopped me a lot of the time was that he was probably drunk, and I didn’t want a repeat of last time.  
Sleeping was almost impossible. His face seemed to be tattooed on the insides of my eyelids, and he appeared in every single dream. Sometimes they were pleasant, with us kissing and laughing, and sometimes they involved him bleeding out in front of me. Either way, I woke up sobbing and clutching my chest. Sometimes I’d call Cameron, and he’d talk me down until I fell asleep. He really was the most attentive, loving person I could have ever asked for, and I genuinely wished things could be different for us.  
  
It was a Saturday when it happened, and I was with Cameron in his room. He sat on top of me, his legs straddling mine, while I sat up, leaning against the wall. Our shirts had been long ago discarded and thrown on the floor, but we still wore our jeans, and I had my hands on his hips, thrusting softly up, so his ass rubbed sinfully over my aching cock. He leaned in and kissed me, moaning as he did.  
“Jesus, Frank.” He panted, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I smiled and kissed him softly, my hands reaching for his hair. I was always disappointed when I grasped soft, sandy blonde hair instead of the coarse red hair I desired, but I didn’t complain.  
I was reaching down to unzip his jeans when my phone vibrated from my pocket. I thought it was weird, because my phone was on the bedside table, and I froze. It was _that_ phone. Cameron shifted back slightly so I could answer it, looking as nervous as I felt.  
“Hello?” I asked softly.  
“Where are you?” he snapped. His voice sounded weak and shaky, and I automatically fell back into that familiar ‘protect’ mode.  
“Cameron’s place. What’s u-“  
“Text me the address. I’m coming to get you.” He said urgently.  
“Gerard, what’s happening?” I asked. He paused.  
“I’ll tell you when I get there.” He groaned.  
“No, now. I’m not going anywhere with you until I know where you’re taking me.” I said firmly. He was silent for a few moments, his breath heavy.  
“Don’t you trust me?” he said, his voice almost a whisper.  
“Of course, but you can’t expect me to just –“  
“It’s Mikey.” He said suddenly. My breath caught in my throat, my heart racing in my chest.  
“What…is he…”  
“He’s-“ Gerard began, before breaking off into heavy sobs. I feared the worst.  
“Oh, God.” I breathed.  
“He’s awake.” Gerard sobbed. I was silent, my heart hammering in my chest. I just gaped at the wall in front of me. I brought a hand to my mouth as my eyes filled with tears.  
“Oh my – I’m so. I can’t talk.” I laughed.  
“He was asking for me.” He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.  
“Oh God, this is so amazing. I can’t- it’s a fucking miracle.” I said, still in awe.  
“I’ll be there soon, okay? I just…if you want to come with me. Do you? Want to?” he asked uncertainly, and my heart tugged in my chest.  
“Yes. Yes, of course. I’ll see you soon.” I breathed, hanging up. I text him the address quickly, then turned back to Cameron, who was sitting away from me, his knees held against his chest.  
“He’s coming to get you.” He said bluntly. I nodded.  
“It’s important.” I breathed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
“Yeah. It’s always important. You’re always there when he needs you.”  
“What do you want me to do? Cut him off?”  
“Actually, yes. It’s not right, Frank. He’s so horrible to you, and then expects you to come running when he calls. And the sick thing is, you _always do._ ” He said slowly. I pulled him into my arms and kissed him softly.  
“I’m so sorry.” I said. He smiled sadly.  
“N’aw, don’t be sorry. You love him.”  
“I wish I didn’t.” I groaned. Cameron chuckled and traced patterns on my chest with his fingertips.  
“I know. So do I. But you do, and it’s okay because I know how hard you’re trying. You just can’t let him get to you. You’re so much more important than how he treats you.” He sighed. I kissed him again.  
“If I’d met you first-“  
“I know.” He smiled, squeezing my hand.I put my shirt back on and waited impatiently for Gerard to tell me he was there. When he finally did, I turned to give Cameron a quick kiss.  
“Be careful.” He murmured against my mouth. I said I would and jogged outside. I stopped as soon as I saw his car, my breath leaving me in a rush as my heart jumped in my chest. I kept my head down as I slid into the car, doing my best not to look at him. He didn’t start the car, and I was forced to look up into his wide, hazel eyes. This was the first time since the incident that I’d really gotten the chance to look into them, and I felt my heart break in my chest. God, he was so beautiful. He looked at me like he wanted to kiss me, and half of me wished he would, Cameron be damned. But he didn’t. He just started the car and drove away.  
  
The car ride was lonely. He was sitting so close to me that I could hear his breath and smell that damn aftershave he used, but I couldn’t touch him. He made some weak attempts at conversation, but they ended pretty fast, because we kept coming too close to saying what we were both dying to say. A couple of times, his hand reached out for mine, then he remembered himself and pulled away, sighing unhappily.  
“Do I look okay?” he asked suddenly. The question caught me off guard.  
“You look beautiful.” I said honestly, not really realizing until I saw the blush creeping across his cheeks. He took a deep breath before replying.  
“I don’t want Mikey thinking his older brother got ugly.”  
“Nah. He won’t.” I said, trying to stay casual. Gerard smiled, and it set my insides on fire.  
“Last time he saw me, I was some fat guy with greasy hair and too much eyeliner. I’d like to think I’ve changed a bit since then.” He laughed, clearly fishing for a compliment. I was only too happy to bite.  
“You’re gorgeous, Gee. You know that.” I said softly, not looking at him, even as I felt his eyes bore into mine. He made an undecipherable noise and pulled the car over to the side of the road, putting his head in his hands and breathing heavily.  
“Gee?” I breathed.  
“Just…give me a sec…” he panted.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Overwhelmed.”  
“Wanna talk?” I murmured. He looked up at me and sighed.  
“My brother woke up, and I should be happy, but I’m not. I’m fucking worried that he’ll see me and think I’m fucking pathetic. I mean, I am. I’ve been practically starving myself and I’m still fucking fat, I still cut like a fucking 15 year old girl, I still drink, and I let the person I’m in love with go because I’m a jealous dickhead. That’s not someone I’d want for a brother.” He breathed, tears falling down his cheeks. I didn’t dare touch him.  
“You’re just feeling so much because you’re so happy. Once you see him it’ll all become clear.” I said. He looked at me for a moment in the way he used to, and my heart squeezed in my chest.  
“God, I hope so.” He breathed as he started driving again.  
  
It was a big day, and I expected some awkwardness with him actually going in to see Mikey. What I didn’t expect, was for him to start panicking and refusing to go inside.  
“Gerard, stop being such a baby. Your brother, who you love, is in there right now. He’s been asking for _you._ Don’t you at least wanna find out if he could hear you that whole time?” I pleaded, pulling on his arm. Gerard groaned.  
“I’m so scared.” He said, shaking. Without even thinking I pulled him into a tight hug.  
“Don’t be, honey. I got you. I’ve always got you.”  
“Promise?” he breathed.  
“Yeah, I promise.”I said. He entwined our hands and nodded at me, pushing the door open slightly.  
Marie was standing near Mikey’s bed, shielding him from us with her body.  
“Hey.” Gee said hoarsely. Marie spun around and beamed, before turning back to Mikey.  
“Mike…” she began, but he cut her off.  
“Gee’s here.” He said bluntly. His voice was hoarse and weak from disuse. I felt Gerard stiffen.  
“Yes…” she said, standing to the side. Mikey looked at Gerard for a moment, his eyes taking in his brother’s form.  
“You’re so thin.” He breathed. Gerard’s face broke out into a smile and he bounded across the room, pulling his brother into a tight hug which, I was happy to see, Mikey returned.  
“Jesus Christ, Mikes. I was so fucking scared. God, I was so scared.” Gerard sobbed. Mikey held him tightly, his face showing nothing but pure, fierce love.  
“I know. I could hear you, Gee. Not all of it, but enough.” He said, beaming. Gerard stared at him.  
“You heard me.” He said, sobbing happily. Mikey nodded and pulled Gerard into another tight hug. He locked eyes with me from over Gerard’s shoulder, and his mouth pulled into a small smile.  
“Is that Frank?” he asked. Gerard spun to look at me and nodded, tears still slipping down his pale cheeks.  
“Yeah, Mikes. That’s him.” He said, beckoning me closer. I took a few nervous strides before I was standing next to Mikey, who was inspecting me with that same cold, calculating look that Gerard used.  
“I don’t know if I should punch you or thank you.” He admitted. I chewed my lip and laughed.  
“Both, maybe. I’m glad to see you awake.” I said. He held his hand out and I shook it.  
“Gerard is in love with you. Like, he is so fucking in love with you.”  
“Stop it.” Gerard hissed. Mikey smiled at him.  
“What? It’s true.”  
“We’re uh, not together anymore.” I said awkwardly. Mikey rolled his eyes, and I was glad to see that he had his brother’s sass.  
“Yeah, I know. Gerard won’t shut up about it.” He said, shooting him a look. Gerard’s face was beetroot red, but his expression was mostly calm as he rubbed small circles into Mikey’s hand.  
“He won’t?” I asked, nervously.  
“If I hadn’t been in a coma, I’d have told him to shut the fuck up. You still love him, right?” he asked me. I blushed and looked away.  
“I-I d-“ I stammered.  
“Mikey’s been unconscious for three years and forgotten his manners.” Gerard teased to diffuse the tension. Mikey rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘whatever’.  
“Uhm, Gerard?” Marie asked, he smiled warmly at her, making her blush. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t jealous.  
“I need to go over Mikey’s care plan with you.” She said. He nodded and kissed Mikey’s forehead before leaving the room. I thought we’d sit in silence for a bit, but he was right in there.  
“I’m worried about him.” He said. I laughed nervously.  
“I think it’s you who we should all be worried about.”  
“I’m fine. He’s not. He’s drinking again and cutting and…shit, Frank. He hasn’t been this bad since Grandma died.” He said, and I felt so fucking guilty.  
“It’s my fault.”  
“In part, yes.”  
“Oh wow.” I laughed at his bluntness. He shrugged.  
“Just help him, okay? I get that for whatever reason you two aren’t together, but just make sure he doesn’t go back to that place. He’s so special, and honestly, he is so in love with you. He used to spend whole sessions just talking about you.” Mikey said, full of nothing but love for his older brother.  
“Why did he leave me then?” I whispered.  
“I don’t know. He never told me. But if he’s putting himself through this much pain, you can be damn sure it was for a good reason. Let him explain.”  
“I’ll try.” I breathed. Mikey didn’t get a chance to respond before Gerard walked back in. He walked straight over to Mikey and brushed his hair out of his face, smiling broadly.  
“I can bring you home tomorrow, okay? They just wanna make sure you’re all good to go.” He explained. Mikey nodded.  
“I feel like I’ve missed so much.” He groaned. Gerard kissed his forehead.  
“Don’t worry, I’m gonna help you work everything out.” He murmured. Mikey hummed happily and reached up to hug his brother.  
“I’ve waited for three years to fucking hug you back.” He laughed. Gerard just squeezed him tighter, like if he let go Mikey would go back under.  
“I’ll see you soon.” I said brightly, and Mikey beamed.  
“Remember what I said.” He said threateningly and I nodded, following Gerard out of the hospital room. Once outside, he fell to the floor and sobbed. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me as his breath came out harsh and jagged.  
“Oh God, I don’t even know why I’m crying.” He sobbed, his whole body shaking in my arms.  
“Shh, honey, you’re just tired. Let’s go home okay?” He looked up then, his eyes desperate.  
“Don’t leave me. St-stay with me tonight.” He asked. As always, I couldn’t say no.  
  
Cameron was understandably pissed off when I told him what was happening.  
“You’re actually _staying_ with him? I thought you were gonna be careful!” he cried. I made sure Gee couldn’t hear me before replying.  
“I know, I know, but I’m worried about him. I thought he’d be happy, and he’s not, and I think he might…try something stupid.”  
“Why? He has everything he wants now.” He said bitterly. I ignored the double meaning.  
“I think he’s overwhelmed. I mean, a lot’s happened to him in a short amount of time. Please, just trust me.”  
“I trust you. I don’t trust him.” He sighed. It was a cliché, but it was a true one.  
“I’m gonna go now. Just, don’t worry, okay? I know what I’m doing.”  
“Night, Frankie. Sweet dreams.” He sighed.  
“Sweet dreams, Cam.” I murmured, hanging up. I walked back into the living room where, to my dismay, Gerard was putting blankets and pillows onto the couch.  
“I’m gonna stay out here, and you can take my bed.” He said weakly. I chewed my lip.  
“The sofa doesn’t look very comfortable. You can always share the bed with me.” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. He laughed.  
“That’s a really bad idea.” He said, sitting down on his newly made ‘bed’. I sighed and leaned against his leg, smiling when his fingers played with my hair softly.  
“How are you feeling?” I asked. He sighed, his hand stilling, but still resting in my hair.  
“Bad. I’m just sad _all the time._ I don’t know if I want Mikey to be around me when I’m like that. Especially if he’s going into recovery for his alcohol problems.”  
“Maybe you need help too.” I suggested softly.  
“Like therapy?” he asked. I nodded silently. He laughed a little.  
“I fucked my last therapist. Like, genuinely, fucked him right on the couch. I haven’t been back since.” He shrugged.  
“You fuck everyone.” I laughed.  
“Except you.” He murmured.  
“You could’ve. God knows I wanted it.” I murmured. He pressed his lips together and pulled me onto his lap, and I let him.  
“I still could.” He breathed. I shook my head, holding his face softly.  
“It wouldn’t be right.” I murmured. He nodded, clearly disappointed.  
“Can I do somethin’?”  
“Anything.”  
“Kiss you?”  
“Yeah. You can.”  
“What about-“  
“I know.”  
“It’s cheating.”  
“I don’t care. It’s you.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means that you don’t count. You’re exceptional.”  
“Are you gonna tell him?”  
“Maybe. Depends.”  
“On?”  
“If we fuck.”  
“I don’t want to fuck.”  
“Okay.”  
“I want you to make love to me.”  
“That was corny.”  
“I know.”  
“I love you.”  
“Don’t.”  
“I do.”  
“No, please. Not that, okay? It hurts.”  
“Gerard-“  
“Just don’t, okay?”  
“Fine.”  
“Are you sure about this?”  
“I’m always sure. You left me, remember.”  
“For good reason.”  
“Let’s not talk about that.”  
“Let’s not talk.”  
Finally, fucking finally, he pressed his lips to mine. They were just as warm and soft as I remembered them. I brushed a hand through his hair and he sighed, leaning into me.  
“I’ve missed you so much.” He sighed.  
“I’ve always been here.”  
“I know. God, Frank, I know. You’re always waiting for me, aren’t you?” he said fondly. I shook my head, trying not to seem pathetic, but my tears ruined it.  
“I treat you so badly. I’m glad you have Cameron. He’ll treat you right.”  
“He’s not you.” I whimpered. Gerard smiled sadly and claimed my mouth again.  
“You’ve got me for tonight.” He whispered, pushing my shirt over my shoulders and dropping it onto the floor. I undid his shirt with one hand and his belt with the other, earning an impressed smirk. Or at least, a faded version of it. Impatiently, we wiggled out of our clothes and dropped them onto the floor, staring at each other, clothed only in our boxers.  
“I can’t believe this.” I breathed, reaching out to touch his perfect, smooth chest. His skin was marred with fresh cuts, but I didn’t care; he’d always be beautiful to me.  
“Stop hurting yourself.” I said, looking into his eyes.  
“Stop hurting me.” He retorted. I kissed him to try and scare the heartache away, but it didn’t work.  
I prepped him, but only minimally.  
“I want to feel you. I want it to hurt.” He demanded, and I understood, so I didn’t say no. I pushed into him slowly, relishing the way he gasped, his perfect, full mouth falling open. He was so beautiful it made my heart ache. I moved slowly, focusing more on the way his arms held me tightly to him, or the gentle kisses he dotted around my collarbones.  
I heard a light sob, and saw Gerard facing away from me, crying.  
“Baby, I’m gonna stop.” I breathed. He shook his head and tightened his legs around my waist.  
“No. No, just tonight Frankie. Just tonight, please.” He begged. I knew what he meant, and went back to moving rhythmically inside him. He started crying again, but this time I didn’t say anything, I just dropped my head and let the tears flow that I’d been holding back. He wouldn’t let me stay still for long, so I thrust lazily into him, kissing him fiercely, our mouths tasting like salt from our tears. His skin rippled under my touch, and I needed to kiss every centimeter of him. But I didn’t.  
“So pretty, Gerard.” I murmured, kissing his jaw. He let out a jagged breath.  
“I miss you.” He whispered. My hands slid down his body, and he raised himself up so I could reach better. His head fell back, mouth opening slightly as we rocked gently together. The faded light from the room shone off the sweat that coated his body, and I fell in love with him again.  
We came almost at the same time, but it wasn’t really enjoyable. His back arched up, his nails digging at the sofa as he came, then he just relaxed back onto the sofa, his face impassive again. I pulled out and wrapped him in my arms, trying to stop the sobs that were still shaking his body. I kissed every bit of skin I could reach.  
“I love you, Gerard. You know I love you.” I proclaimed. He turned away from me, his body trembling.  
“It’s not enough though, is it?”  
I couldn’t reply, because there was nothing to say – not now. I wasn’t under any illusions about us getting back together. This wasn’t a make up or an apology. It was a goodbye.  
  
At about 4am, I heard coughing and spluttering coming from the bathroom, like someone was throwing up. Disorientated, I stumbled to the bathroom. What I saw was enough to make me wake the fuck up.  
Gerard was sitting in the bath, naked, with only an inch or two of grey, murky water. On the floor next to him, there was a large, half-finished bottle of Jack Daniels, and a switch-blade lying next to it. The side of the bath tub was covered in vomit and – I had to look away, I almost threw up – blood. It was streaming from several jagged cuts along his arms. A quick look down told me there were even more on his legs. Oh God.  
“Gerard? Baby, what did you do? Oh God, what did you do?” I sobbed, my hand coming up to my mouth. He looked at me calmly.  
“Go back to bed, Frank.” He said, his voice slurred. I stumbled towards him. This couldn’t be happening. Fuck, this wasn’t happening.  
“Don’t. Get back.” He demanded. I took a shaking step forward. He picked up the blade and held it out towards me.  
“If you take another step forward, I’ll fucking kill you. Go back to bed.” He snarled. I didn’t doubt for a second that he probably would kill me in his drunken state. I eyed the pills on the sink and corrected myself – drunken and stoned.  
“No. You won’t hurt me. You love me.” I breathed, stepping forward. He leaned back, sobbing softly.  
“God, I know.”  
“Why are you-“ he cut me off by bringing the knife to his throat. I staggered to a stop.  
“Go away or I’ll kill myself.” He sobbed. He brought a hand to his face, and when he pulled away, it was smeared with blood. Oh God.  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“Because I want to die. You know that.”  
“So you’re just going to leave Mikey? The first real news he hears after waking up is that his brother killed himself? He doesn’t have anyone else, Gerard. He needs you, please. Think of Mikey.” I pleaded. His hand faltered long enough for the knife to fall into the water. At least it wasn’t in his hand.  
“That’s unfortunate, I know. I can’t live like this, Frank. I just…fuck, just let me die. Please, just fucking let me die.” He sobbed.  
“I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you. Gerard, fuck, I love you. You don’t have to die. You need help, okay? I’m gonna get you some help.”  
“No! No Doctors.” He said breathlessly.  
“Baby, you’re bleeding out.”  
“I don’t care.”  
“I do.”  
“Since when?” he asked. I stepped towards him again, nearly close enough to touch him.  
“Stop. Baby, stop.” I said, finally breaking down. My legs gave way and I crashed to the floor next to him, my crying was erratic and hysterical and I felt like I’d never stop. He brought a wet, blood-covered hand out and put it on my shoulder.  
“You’re crying.” He observed. I didn’t say anything.  
“Jesus, fuck. I didn’t wanna make you cry. I wanted to leave quietly and let you move on and- fuck, I can’t even die properly.”  
“You’re not going to die. You’re going to get out of that bath tub, I’m going to clean you up, and you’re going to get help.”  
“Why do you even care?”  
“Because you’re everything. If you die, I won’t be long after. I can’t do anything without you, I can’t live in a world that you don’t live in. That’s why I was born after you, because God or whoever is up there knows that I can’t be in a world that you’re not in. And I won’t. I refuse to keep living without you.” I said, my voice weak and cracking. He stared at me blankly, and I wondered if he’d understood me.  
“I didn’t wanna leave you.” He whispered, staring at the wall.  
“That’s not important.” I said urgently.  
“Yes it is. I didn’t want to leave you, but I knew you’d be better off without me. And you are, aren’t you? You and your perfect boyfriend. The only thing messing that up is me, because I just…fuck, I can’t stay away from you.”  
“I can’t stay away from you either.” I murmured, crawling forward. I pushed his hair, wet from blood and water back from his eyes and sighed, stroking his cheek with my thumb.  
“What about Cameron?”  
“I already told you. He’s not you.”  
“But you like him?”  
“Yeah, but it’s not important. I don’t need him like I need you. Please. Just get out of the bath. Let me clean you up, and we’ll fix everything.”  
“It can’t be fixed. It’s not our relationship, Frank, it’s me. I’m fucking useless.”  
“Don’t say that. I love you, please.”  
“You’d love me more if I was dead. That’s just how it goes.”  
“Not now it’s not. I’d hate you if you died. Honestly, I’d fucking hate you for leaving me and Mikey. I’d hate how much of a cowardly, selfish asshole you are.” I said, sobbing. That caught his attention.  
“You’d _hate_ me?” he whispered. I nodded, my eyes brimming with more tears. I didn’t mean it, of course, but I needed something that would snap him out of it. He held an arm out to me.  
“Help me out.” He said, voice shaking. I got to my feet and wrapped an arm around his waist, hoisting him out of the bath. He leaned on me, too weak to walk on his own, and I walked him into the bedroom. By the time I laid him down, I was soaking wet and smeared with blood, but I wasn’t thinking about that.  
“First Aid kit?” I asked. He shrugged. I rolled my eyes – so he wasn’t going to be co operative, then. I rooted through his bathroom until I found it, and frowned at how little he had. I realized it was probably because this wasn’t the first time he’d tried this, and felt a pang of sadness.  
When I got back in the room, he was lying down, looking up at the ceiling. I sat down next to him, stroking his hair.  
“Tell me if it hurts, ‘kay?” I murmured. He didn’t respond, just kept staring straight up. I assumed it was because of the drugs.  
I cleaned out his wounds; more worried than relieved when he barely reacted to the alcohol against his open cuts.  
After I’d cleaned and bandaged him up, I pointed to a deep cut on the inside of his thigh.  
“You’ll need stitches here.” I murmured.  
“When did you become a doctor?”  
“I took a first aid training thing a few years back.” I explained. He nodded and wiggled backwards so he was under the covers.  
“C’mere, Frankie.” He said, and I slid in with him. The moment I touched him, he burst into tears.  
“Hey, hey baby it’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” I whispered, holding him close, but not too tight so as to not hurt him.  
“Just let me die. Please, just let me die.”  
“No. Go to sleep. I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.” I murmured, kissing his forehead.  
“I hope I don’t wake up.” He whispered. It was the last thing he said before he fell asleep, and ironically, it stopped me from sleeping.  
  
When I woke up, he wasn’t there anymore, but I could hear the dull sound of the TV, so I wasn’t worried. I felt really, really weird about the night before. It was the first time we’d spoken properly in almost a month, and not only had I slept with him, but I’d pretty much talked him down from suicide. What a great reunion. I slid my clothes back on and sent my Mom a quick text to explain that I’d fallen asleep at Cameron’s and forgotten to text her, slightly offended that she hadn’t asked. I almost texted Cameron, but I figured it wasn’t the right time, so I left it. I hoped I wouldn’t pass Gerard as I left, but by definition, I had to. I took a deep breath before walking briskly out of the bedroom towards the front door. Right past him. He saw me, but didn’t say anything, and curiosity got the better of me, so I turned around. He’d cleaned his bandages and put new ones on, and was nursing a tall glass of water for what I could only imagine was a disgusting hang over. His eyes flickered up to mine, and he just stared at me before turning away. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and left. Just like that, without another word.


	29. Everything I've never wanted

I couldn’t really gauge how Cameron was feeling. He was upset, initially, then sad, and now he was stuck in some limbo between anger and understanding. Chris and Joe begged us a billion times to tell them what was wrong but, for obvious reasons, we just told them to mind their damn business. They got the hint after a while.  
I was terrified walking into lunch. My eyes did their automatic sweep of the lunch hall, and came up short. He wasn’t even sitting away from his normal table – he just wasn’t there. I guessed he was just having lunch in his classroom – which made sense, considering the very hard to conceal damage he’d caused himself. I winced involuntarily. It’d been literally a day since I’d seen him, but I was already going crazy with worry. I hadn’t texted him or called him, because it didn’t feel right. That look he gave me before I left was so expressionless and blank that it left no doubt in my mind what he meant by it – that Saturday night didn’t change a damn thing.  
I actually let out a small groan as the bell rang, indicating that we had to go to our final lesson. I didn’t know what it’d be like, but I imagined that he’d be sitting there, probably wearing a thick sweater of some sort, with those big, hazel eyes darting around the room to see if anyone was suspicious of him. I wondered if he’d look at me, or if he’d ignore me all lesson. I wondered if he’d-  
“Ah, sweet, substitute!” Chris beamed. I stopped dead in my tracks, my mouth going dry. Substitute? Why did we need a substitute? Where was Gerard? Cameron stopped next to me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
“Do you know where-“  
“No. I don’t.” I said softly, looking down at my shoes. He sighed and rubbed my shoulder soothingly before herding me into the classroom. The teacher at the desk was a fairly young, fairly attractive woman, her black hair falling around her shoulders. I tensed when she looked through his drawers, trying to find a pen, and fought the urge to scream at her to not touch his stuff. Since there wasn’t a teacher, there wasn’t assigned seating, so Cameron sat next to me.  
“Hey, c’mon, he’s probably fine.” He murmured. I looked at him, eyes wide with panic.  
“Probably?” I asked. He sighed and leaned against me, and I draped one arm over him uselessly.  
“Y’know you could just text him.”  
“No, I can’t. He made it clear that he didn’t want to see me.”  
“By _looking at you_? Don’t you think that’s a bit immature?” he said incredulously. I sighed and pulled my phone out, hating that he was right.  
When I did, though, I saw I already had a message from him. My heart raced – it was sent about half an hour before.  
  
 **FROM: Gerard.**  
(1:36pm)Hey. You’ll find this out in a few minutes on your own, but I’m not at school today, or any day for a while. You’re right, I need help.  
I’ll miss you every day, but please don’t contact me until I contact you. I guess we both need space, right?  
Mikey is doing fine and sends his love. As do I. Always.  
  
Tears sprang into my eyes at his message, and I had to read it again a few times. He wasn’t going to be there? At all? My heart fell even deeper in my stomach and I rested my head against the table, not even trying to hide the fact I was crying.  
“Is he okay?” asked the substitute gently. Cameron wrapped an arm around me.  
“He’s not feeling very well.”  
“Oh. Should he go to the nurse?” she asked. Cameron was silent, waiting for me to reply.  
“No, I’m okay.” I murmured. She looked at me concernedly, but carried on teaching anyway.  
“D’you wanna talk about it?” Cam asked softly. I handed him the phone, and he sucked in a breath.  
“I’m sorry, Frank.”  
“It’s a good thing though, right?”  
“Yeah, of course. He’ll be back in no time.” He said, squeezing my arm affectionately. I sighed and wiped my eyes.  
“Sorry, you don’t wanna hear about this.” I said apologetically. He shook his head.  
“Hey, don’t worry about that. This is important.” He said firmly. I squeezed his hand and sighed, trying to get back into whatever she was talking about, then just burying my face in my arms on my desk when I couldn’t.  
  
Cam came to my place after school, as he had become custom to doing. I went to his sometimes, but his Mom didn’t know we were together, so it made things difficult.  
I squirmed at the idea of us being ‘together’. I guess it was pretty inevitable, but it still felt weird to say it. He’d get annoyed a lot, because I refused to call him my boyfriend. I guess that title was still reserved for someone else.  
Cameron looked a little bit uncomfortable. I mean, he always did, a bit. That was kinda just his face. But today he looked especially uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t.  
“What’s up?” I asked, leaning into him. He sighed and wrapped an arm around me.  
“I’m bad”  
“Huh? No you’re not.” I said, not sure how he could ever be bad. He was pretty much the poster-child for purity.  
“I am too.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s embarrassing.”  
“Tell me.” I demanded, reminding myself a little too much of Gerard. _Stop thinking about him, stop thinking about him stop thi-_  
“Well, it’s just that I’ve been looking at you all day and I think you’re gorgeous. Like, breathtakingly gorgeous.” He said. I smiled.  
“Why is that bad?” I asked. He sighed.  
“Because you’re upset because the guy you’re in love with is in a bad place, and you miss him, and all I can think about is how much I want to suck your dick.” He said bluntly. I stared at him, eyes wide, and mouth agape. I must have looked fucking ridiculous, and I didn’t even care. He _never_ said stuff like that. I didn’t even think he knew how to suck dick.  
“Where did this come from?” I stammered.  
“I’ve been thinking it for a while. I probably would have done it Saturday if-“  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
We were silent for a moment. My brain was going a hundred miles an hour. Truth be told, as much as I was attracted to him, I really didn’t want Cameron like that. Maybe it was because he was so innocent, or maybe it was because I still wanted Gerard, but the idea of him touching me made me uncomfortable. Then again, maybe if we did, I’d be able to forget Gerard, at least for a while. I sucked in a deep breath and kissed him gently, my hand stroking his face softly.  
“It’s okay.” I murmured, my tongue sliding into his mouth. He let out a small whimper and kissed me back, his mouth hesitant and unsure against mine – such a difference to- _stop stop stop._  
I growled and grabbed his head, kissing him more roughly. He let out a shrill squeak that was nothing short of adorable as he tried to keep up with me. And failed, of course.  
It wasn’t enough, though. I could still taste Gerard like he’d stained my lips. He suffocated me, rising in my lungs like smoke. I grabbed Cameron’s hand and led it to the bulge in my jeans and he gasped, clearly unsure of what to do, so he just let it lie there limply. I groaned impatiently and rolled my hips up to meet his hand. He got the picture, then, his hand pressing against me and rubbing, still unsure, but at least he was doing something. I moaned to encourage him, and he rubbed me harder, with more confidence. His hand was small and thin, not at all like the thick, heavy hands I was used to ( _stop, Frank, he’s not here)_ , but it was nice.  
“Do it like you’re touching yourself.” I murmured. He grabbed my cock through my jeans and started pumping it and I smirked ( _not like him, though. This was my smirk. Not his.)_  
“That’s right, sweetheart.” I purred. _(Where had I heard that before? Stop it, Frank. You can’t have him.)_  
In a moment of what I was sure was sheer bravery, he pushed me so I was on my back. I looked up in surprise, and he blushed. I beamed and stroked his neck.  
“C’mon, honey.” _(no, not that word. I only called him that. Fuck.)_ He took a deep breath to steady himself before sliding down my jeans.  
“I-I don’t know how to-“  
“It’s fine. Just cover your teeth and you’ll be fine.” I murmured, stroking his cheek. He nodded and I helped him as he slid my jeans and boxers down. I felt a little embarrassed to be exposed to him, but I pushed it out of my mind. I needed to do this. He wrapped thin, hesitant fingers around my cock and pumped softly _(Gerard would have done it better. Not that it matters. I can’t have him.)_ and I moaned to encourage him.  
“Please G-Cam. Please.” I murmured. _(Shit, did he notice? I don’t think so. He’s smiling.)_ “Can’t believe you’re letting me do this.” He whispered, licking the tip of my dick. I moaned, genuinely this time, and bucked up into his mouth. He smiled nervously before wrapping his pale pink lips around my leaking, hard cock. I breathed heavily, my head falling back against the pillows as his clumsy, inexperienced mouth pleasured me, his tongue sliding out every now and then to swirl around my skin. As much as I appreciated him trying, I knew I couldn’t cum like this. He was being too careful, and I knew if I fucked his mouth he’d probably gag ( _Gerard, I remembered, didn’t have a gag reflex_ ). “Let me help.” I said softly, wrapping my own hand around myself. He pulled back but I shook my head.  
“No, keep going. I’m just gonna help.” I said, and he sort of smiled (as much as he could given the circumstances) and nodded. I pumped myself in time to his sucking and actually, it felt pretty good. I didn’t want to tell him that it was only because of my hand, though, so I moaned and wrapped my free hand in his hair.  
“So good, sweetheart. So good.” ( _stop saying ‘sweetheart’. That’s his thing and you know it._ ) He moaned loudly, and I noticed (how didn’t I notice before?) that he was palming himself through his jeans, which actually turned me on so much that I pulled my hand off of myself and let him continue sucking me, watching as his hand fumbled with his jeans.  
“Want some help?” I asked with a smirk ( _stop it, you’re not him_ ). He looked at me like I’d just given him the answer to the meaning of life and pulled off of me, nodding. I had to admit, he was pretty hot with his lips red and swollen, saliva and precum dripping from him. He gasped as I pulled him into a rough kiss, my hands easily undoing his jeans and sliding them down his thighs. My hands automatically went to his ass and I smiled against his lips at how he felt, grinding my cock against his. He moaned and buried his face in my shoulder.  
“God, Frank, please.” He begged, his fingers scratching my shoulders.  
“Please what?”  
“I need to…” he said, squirming awkwardly. I didn’t realize how much I wanted him to say it until he didn’t.  
“Need to what?” I asked, feigning innocence. He rolled his eyes and moaned simultaneously.  
“Cum. Frank, I need to cum, please.” He begged. I groaned and rolled my hips up to meet his again.  
“Why didn’t you say so?” I asked, my mouth twitching into a smile. I held his cock and mine in one hand and jacked them together, moaning at the feeling of my hand, and the friction of his erection against mine.  
“Shit, I-“ he stammered, his hands gripping my sheets. I smiled, amused – he really wasn’t going to last long at all. With that in mind, I moved faster, hoping I’d get off before he did.  
I didn’t, though. He threw his head back and came with a loud moan, his toes curling as he came all over my hand. Instead of being aroused, though, I was just somewhat frustrated. I hadn’t considered the mess he’d make. I wiped my hand on my bedsheet and waited for him to calm down. He smiled at me softly.  
“That was-“ he panted, then moaned lightly. I laughed and kissed his nose. He chewed his lip, looking at the erection that I was slipping back into my jeans.  
“Don’t you want me to-“  
“Nah, it’s cool.” I said nonchalantly. He sighed and pulled himself up into my arms.  
“Did I help to distract you?” he asked, his voice sort of sad.  
“You weren’t a distraction.” I laughed. Lying, of course.  
“Promise?”  
“Don’t you trust me?” I teased. He just laughed and I was relieved that he didn’t say anything more.  
But for the record, he was a shit distraction. My head was still spinning, my heart was still broken, and I still wished I was wrapped in another person’s arms.


	30. I only like one of the Way brothers

Gerard was gone for two months and six days. Not that I was counting. During that whole time, he didn’t speak to me even once. There was a false alarm on New Year’s Eve, when my ‘Gerard’ phone rang. I pulled a muscle in my leg dashing for the phone, and was breathless by the time I picked it up.  
“Hel-“  
“It’s not Gerard.” Mikey said bluntly. Way to crush my dreams there. Still, I smiled to hear the younger Way brother sounding so healthy.  
“Oh, hey Mikey.” I said.  
“I just wanted to check on you.”  
“I’m fine. How are you?”  
“Better. I still get kinda confused about stuff, and it’s frustrating, but Gee’s helping me.”  
I was silent.  
“How is he?” I asked when I couldn’t stand it anymore.  
“He’s doing okay. I think he’ll be able to come back soon. He’s drinking a lot less, and he’s been eating properly, which is good. Got a bit more weight on him. He still, ah, cries though. A lot.”  
“Oh.”  
“About you.”  
“ _Oh.”_  
“Yeah. He thinks I can’t hear him, but um, it’s kind of loud.” He said awkwardly. I sighed.  
“How do you know it’s about me?” I asked, lips trembling. He sighed.  
“Because he says your name. And swears. It’s pretty much your name followed by a string of profanities.”  
“Oh right.”  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”  
“N-no. You didn’t. I’m glad to hear he’s getting better.”  
“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you that he misses you, because he probably never will. He’s kind of stubborn.” He chuckled. I smiled at that.  
“Yeah, I kinda got that.” I laughed.  
“Can I be honest?”  
“Okay…” I said, shifting uncomfortably.  
“He doesn’t want to see you ever again.”  
“Right.” I breathed. Yeah, that hurt. A lot.  
“No, not like that.”  
“How else can it be?”  
“He’s worried that if he sees you, you’ll fall in love with him again and get hurt. He’s not sure if he can love you properly.”  
“Again? He thinks I fell out of love with him?”  
“Apparently.” He said. I could sort of hear the smile in his voice, and realized that he was very amused by all of this. I couldn’t blame him – objectively, it must look pretty simple.  
“I didn’t.”  
“Yeah, I know. He knows too, he’s just being a child.” He laughed. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair – this really wasn’t what I wanted right now. What a shit way to end the year.  
“I’ve got to get going, but thanks for calling me. If I give you a message, will you tell him?”  
“Of course. It’ll make his year.” He laughed at his own joke. I rolled my eyes and smiled.  
“Can you…god, I don’t know. Can you tell him that I miss him? No. Wait, don’t. Tell him that I’m happy he’s getting better. Just that.”  
“You’ll drive him crazy with that one. He’ll be wondering what you mean until he sees you next.” He laughed, obviously not bothered about that. I smiled.  
“Maybe it’ll encourage him to get his ass back to me.” I said, and Mikey laughed.  
“Well, happy New Year, Frankie.” He said affectionately. I smiled.  
“Yeah, happy New Year, Mikes. It must feel good to actually be here for one, right?”  
“Oh yeah, you have no idea.” He sighed. We said our final goodbyes and hung up, and I actually felt a little bit better, just in the knowledge that Gerard was getting healthy, and that I’d see him fairly soon (and I was maybe just a little bit happy that he was thinking about me).  
  
Our substitute teacher, Miss Pauper, turned out to be genuinely very nice, and she clearly knew what she was talking about. We managed, actually, to finish all of our work on To Kill a Mockingbird. I knew Gerard (ah, I mean, Mr. Way. How depressing) would be disappointed to hear that, but at the same time, at least it gave the girls a leg to stand on when trying to flirt with him, and I knew he’d appreciate that.  
I thought it was a nice change, however, to have a teacher that all of the _guys_ liked. Sure, she was attractive enough, but obviously I wasn’t bothered by her, and it was funny to watch all of the boys – Cameron included – fall over themselves to answer her questions or to laugh at her jokes, while the girls and I just looked at her, completely disinterested. Similarly to Gerard, though, she knew exactly the effect she was having, and purposefully batted her eyelashes a little bit more than usual when she needed a hand with something. When she tried it on me, of course, it didn’t work, and she just laughed and blushed instead of getting offended like some people might. If it weren’t for the small fact that I was absolutely crazy about Mr. Way, I might have actually wanted her to stay.  
I knew Cameron _definitely_ wouldn’t mind her staying – a fact I teased him about mercilessly.  
  
“C’mon, Cam, I bet you’d fuck her.” I smiled teasingly at him. Chris and Joe whooped with laughter at the blush that spread across his cheeks.  
“No, don’t be silly.”  
“Psht, please. You would.” Chris agreed, making Cameron blush even redder.  
“I would not. That’d be weird.” He said, clasping his hands in his lap.  
“I think you probably look at her more than Frank looks at Mr. Way.” Chris pointed out. I chewed my lip and looked down at the mention of his name.  
“Not possible.” Cameron grinned, obviously oblivious to my pain. That was fine, I didn’t really want to draw attention to myself anyway. I silently gathered my things and pressed a small peck onto Cameron’s cheek.  
“I’m gonna get to Math. Miss hates me enough as it is.” I laughed. He looked at me with sad, concerned eyes.  
“Are you sure?” he asked softly. I cupped his cheek and pulled him in for a proper kiss, my mouth brushing his gently.  
“So gross.” Joe mumbled, and we broke away, smiling.  
“I’m sure. I’ll see you later, okay?” I said. He nodded and watched me leave. Even when I turned around, I could feel his eyes on me.  
Of course, I didn’t actually go to Math – I went to the bathroom. I locked myself in one of the stalls and slipped down the wall, putting my head in my hands. No one had really mentioned him for a while, and the sudden, unexpected pull back into the bitter reality was painful, to say the least. God only knew how badly I needed to see him. The amount of times I had, over the course of the last two months, considered going to his house or calling him probably exceeded the thousands. Each time, though, I just called Mikey and let him dissuade me, telling me that Gee wasn’t ready, or, even more bluntly, that he didn’t want to see me. It was harsh, but it helped, and I think Mikey knew that. In any case, we’d gotten pretty close, what with me pouring my heart out to him, and him pouring Gerard’s out to me (without his consent, I was sure). I felt comfortable around him, and I was glad that that, at least, had come from Gerard and I splitting up.  
If it was a break up, that is. Surely you have to be _together_ to break up, and he was always so ambiguous that I really didn’t know if we ever were.  
  
Cameron was being slightly more persistent, sexually. After our encounter, he was constantly grabbing my dick, or rubbing himself against me. While I didn’t mind when we were at my place, it was a bit distracting to have him give me a boner while we were in school. I’d tried to talk to him about it, but he’d gotten so nervous and embarrassed that I felt bad and dropped it. So, I was stuck that day, as I was most days, with an awkward and uncomfortable boner in English class. Despite us still having a substitute, I couldn’t help but wonder if Cameron had done it on purpose.  
“Want me to help you with that after school?” he asked in a voice that I think was meant to be seductive.  
“Yeah, that’d be great.” I said, smiling. He was silent for a moment.  
“I think we should have sex.” He said bluntly. I widened my eyes and stiffened, both at his words, and the confidence in which he’d said them.  
“Uhm. You do?” I said nervously. He nodded.  
“Yeah. I mean, I want to do it with you because I like you a lot, and I know you know what you’re doing, and –“  
“Cam, we shouldn’t.” I said, holding his hand. He chewed his lip.  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s not good, honey. For one thing, it’s your first time, and that should be special.”  
“It will be with you.”  
“No, it won’t. You’ll be fucking some guy who’s imagining someone else the whole time. Do you want that?” I knew it was harsh, but I needed him to understand. His lip trembled and I prayed to God that he wouldn’t cry.  
“No. But I do want you.”  
“I know you do, and you can have me in any way but that. I’m just not the person you wanna give that away to, okay? Save it for someone special.”  
“What, like you did?” he spat. I ran a hand through my hair. I was way too tired for this.  
“Yes. Whatever you might think, it was special.” I said. He tore his hand from mine and turned back to his work.  
“Yeah sure. I’m busy after school, by the way.” He snapped. I sighed.  
“’kay.” I murmured, way too tired to care. I was too tired to care about most things, recently. My Mom wanted me to go to a shrink, but I knew that what I really needed was _him_. And that was very, very bad.


	31. The worst reunion

I was miserable, again. I’d been miserable for the last two months, and today was no different. I think most of that had to do with it being a Thursday – I hated Thursdays. They were the only thing standing between me and Friday. Not that I really liked Fridays anymore either.  
Hell, I didn’t like anything.  
  
“You’re in a bad mood.” Joe observed. I rolled my eyes and shot him a dirty look.  
“Does it have to do with-“ he said, gesturing with his head to Cameron, who was sitting with his friends, instead of with me. He was still mad about what I’d said the other day, and was punishing me by ignoring me. I think the only bad thing about it was that it reminded me of how little I cared about this whole relationship. It felt like a sham anyway, so why should I care that he wasn’t talking to me? I groaned and rested my head on the table. I wasn’t normally like this, and I cursed Gerard for making me so damn apathetic towards anyone and anything that wasn’t him. That selfish asshole.  
“No, it doesn’t. I mean, yeah, maybe. I don’t know.”  
“Yeah, whatever.” Joe said, looking back down at his lunch.  
“What?” I snapped. He sighed.  
“You’re always so damn moody now. What’s going on with you, man?” he said, exasperated. I didn’t say anything, because I couldn’t.  
“I think I know.” Chris said softly. I met his eyes, my stomach flipping. I remembered what he’d said to Mr. Way the last time he’d seen him, but never mentioned it. I’d hoped he’d forgotten, but the look he was giving me suggested he hadn’t.  
“No, you don’t.” I said, chewing my lip. He just shook his head.  
“Dude, it’s okay.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“ _Frank._ I know, okay?” He said softly. I sighed and buried my head in my hands. This isn’t what I needed right now, at all.  
“How long?” I asked, my voice cracking.  
“A little while. I believed all of the rumors, at first, before we were friends. I only really noticed it for real after you started dating Cam.”  
“Oh.”  
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  
“It is. It’s the worst thing I could have done.” I snapped. He sighed, smiling a little bit. That was reassuring.  
“No, it’s really not. Like I told him – you made a good choice. Both of you did. You care about him, and he’s clearly crazy about you.” He said. I pursed my lips and looked down.  
“What’s going on?” Joe interjected. Chris shook his head.  
“It’s nothin’ man. Frank’s just dealing with some shit.” He said, and I shot him a grateful look. He smiled back, but then changed the topic. I really, really loved that kid sometimes.  
  
Miss Pauper had hinted that we’d be doing something different in class today, but she was a bit ambiguous as to what that meant. If it meant that she wasn’t going to turn up and was going to leave us to our own devices, she was making a good start. Ten minutes into the lesson and we were still sitting there, staring awkwardly at the front. Some students considered leaving, myself included, but we knew if she came back and we were gone, there’d be hell to pay. Cameron, continuing with his immature behaviour, was sitting at the back, as far away from me as possible. I rolled my eyes and looked down, doodling aimlessly on the corner of my English book. I couldn’t draw, but the motion of drawing little circles that linked up to make a chain was somewhat soothing. I glanced at the clock and sighed – still 45 minutes to go.  
I heard the door open, and didn’t look up.  
I heard Chris and Cameron gasp, and didn’t look up.  
I heard a chorus of cheering, and didn’t look up.  
I heard his voice, and I lifted my head slowly.  
I didn’t really expect to see Gerard standing there, and for a second, I thought I didn’t. In front of me was a man, a few jean-sizes larger than Gerard. His hair was the same length, but it was black.  
The only thing that was similar between this strange man and Gerard, was the smirk that spread across his lips.  
Oh, that, and his eyes. Those damn hazel eyes that made my blood boil and my heart melt.  
“Fuck.” I breathed. He dropped the smirk and smiled – a genuine “I’m so fucking glad to see you” smile.  
“So, I’m back.” He beamed, perching lightly on his desk. It gave me the opportunity to really look at him, and my heart pounded in my throat. His hair, now black, made his porcelain skin seem even paler, more perfect than it already appeared to be. His eyes were crinkled slightly from where he was smiling, but they still shon-  
Fuck. Was that _eyeliner?_ That fucker was going to kill me some day, I knew it.  
Despite how much I loved his thin, toned body, I had to admit, he looked fucking good with a bit of meat on him.  
Jesus fucking Christ, he’d actually gotten _more_ attractive than he already was. Was that even possible?  
“Um, Mr. Iero? Are you in the room?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. I cleared my throat and sat up straight in my seat.  
“Um. Yes. Sorry.” I stammered. He tilted his head, confused, just for a moment, before continuing with what I assumed he was saying before.  
“So, as I was saying, I hear from Miss Pauper that you finished all of Mockingbird. While I’m a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to finish it with you, I’m glad that you’re done.” He said, pacing in front of me.  
It was then that I saw the lovebites on his neck. My stomach dropped, and I felt instantly sick. I needed to get out. I needed to get the fuck out right the fuck now.  
“I was thinking we could start on another text, maybe? It’s a play, so we can have some more fun with it. It’s just…I was reading it while I was away, and it really struck a chord with me.” He said, holding up a copy of – of fucking course – Othello.  
“It’s about this guy, this confident, well-respected, strong guy, who falls in love with a woman. Bearing in mind, she’s white and he’s black so it’s…forbidden. In a way. Yeah, I’ll say forbidden.” He said, laughing to himself. Well, I was glad he was enjoying himself.  
“Anyway, over time, he becomes convinced that the love of his life is in love with someone else. It literally drives him insane as he finds himself becoming more and more obsessed and jealous.” He said softly. I felt emotion rising up my throat. I didn’t know why he thought this was a good idea, but it really fucking wasn’t – it just _hurt._ “Does anyone know how it ends?” He asked. Nobody put their hands up, even though I was certain everyone knew. He laughed softly.  
“He kills her. And then himself.” He said, his eyes boring into mine. I felt a chill of pure fear running up my spine, and dropped my gaze. Not that I needed to – he’d already walked across the classroom. As inappropriate as it was, I let my eyes fall to his ass and bit my lip. God, if I thought it was good before, it was nothing like what it was now. I imagined what it would be like to run my hands down his back and squeeze it, or to have him naked on his desk in front of me while I buried my face between his legs and – oh God, I needed to stop before I had a very uncomfortable problem.  
“Yes, Jasmine!” he called, smiling brightly at her. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
“I just wanted to say that we all missed you a lot.” She said, biting her lip. He smirked at her.  
“Thanks, sweetheart, I missed you guys too.” He said, and I bristled. How fucking dare he call her that. Shit, how dare he fucking do anything that he was doing. He didn’t speak to me for two whole months and then waltzes in, looking so fucking hot that I could literally fuck him on the spot, and shows off the lovebites that someone else gave him, talks about a book that he knows damn well is going to hurt me, and flirts with one of the girls right in front of me. Without even thinking, I got to my feet and slammed my hands against the desk. He looked at me with vague amusement, as if this was the reaction he’d been waiting for.  
“Is there something wrong, Mr. Iero?” he purred, leaning against his desk. I didn’t know if I wanted to punch his face or fuck it. Maybe both.  
“Fuck you.” I snarled, heading for the door.  
“If you leave, I’ll give you a detention.” He said, sounding bored. I stopped and turned around, feeling tears of frustration and anger prickling at my eyes.  
“Fuck your detention and fuck you.” I shouted. The class fell silent. Cameron, who I could see from the corner of my eye, looked smug. Chris looked horrified. Mr. Way pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.  
“I don’t think that’s any way to speak to me, Frank. I’m going to give you one more chance to sit down.” He said calmly. Fuck, I wanted to fucking kill him. I ran a hand through my hair, the first of my tears falling down my face. I didn’t even care if anyone saw. His face softened at that, and he took a tentative step towards me, as if I was going to hit him.  
“Go to the nurse, Frank. Just come back after class to see me, okay?” he said softly, some of that old affection in his voice. I stared at him for a second before coming to my senses and nodding silently, walking out of the room and clicking the door shut behind me. I put my head in my hands and sobbed quietly, my back pressed against the cool wall. I didn’t know if I was angrier with myself for letting him wind me up, or with him for being an insensitive asshole. Hell, I hated us both.  
Maybe I hated him a little bit more, though.  
  
After about half an hour of not going to the nurse, and instead walking around the school doing nothing, I arrived back at Mr. Way’s door. I waited for the class to file out, some of them staring at me. I was glad that, apparently, Cam and Chris had already left. Once everyone was gone, I walked in. He was drawing again, as usual, and I took the opportunity to check him out again because damn, even if I wanted to murder him, I couldn’t deny that he looked really, really good. He sighed after a moment and looked up at me, his expression patronizing.  
“Mr. Iero, can you please tell me what your explosion in class was about?” he sighed. I gaped at him.  
“Are you kidding me?”  
“No? I think a student who disrupts my class and swears at me owes me some sort of explanation for his behavior. No matter who he is.” He said. I could almost feel my heart tearing in two at the passiveness of his words, and I began to doubt everything Mikey had said about him missing me.  
Hell, I was beginning to doubt whether we ever had anything at all. Is it possible that I imagined it all?  
“You push me too far, sometimes Mr. Way.” I said, trying to seem as passive as him. He raised his eyebrows.  
“How so?”  
“You didn’t speak to me for two months.” I breathed.  
“I told you why. Anyway, your constant conversations with my brothers should have been good enough, seeing as he filled you in on every single thing I did.” He sniffed.  
“It wasn’t the same, and you know it.” I said softly. He shrugged.  
“Well, it was unavoidable.”  
“I’m not mad about that.”  
“Then what?”  
“I thought you might be a little bit happy to see me after all this time. Y’know, I thought you might have missed me.” I said, the last words dulling to a whisper. He leaned forward, resting his head on his hands.  
“And what gave you that impression?” he asked. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest as the air poured out of me. I stammered for a moment, unable to form a coherent sentence.  
“I…I don’t know. I just thought-“  
“Well, you thought wrong. It was hard being away from you at first, but honestly, it got so much easier. You made me really unhappy, and I don’t need that toxicity in my life.” He said with another shrug. I felt the tears slide down my face as he tore my heart with each word.  
“Anyway, I figured you’d be busy with your little boyfriend. Is that right? Boyfriend?” he asked.  
“Yeah. I guess.” I said, my voice shaking. God, I was an idiot. I was so in love with him, and he hadn’t thought about me even once.  
“Well, exactly. I definitely had fun without you.” He said, absently scratching the lovebites on his neck.  
“Who was it?”  
“Huh?”  
“Who gave you those?”  
“I don’t know. Some guy.”  
“Right.” I sighed. They weren’t fresh – I’d place them at about two weeks ago.  
“Are you jealous?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. I sucked in a deep breath.  
“Yes.” I admitted. He laughed, and it felt like a knife in my chest.  
“I think we’re a bit old for that, right? C’mon, Frankie.” He said, and I winced at the nickname.  
“I just thought I meant a bit more to you than that.” I said, my voice nearly a whisper. He rolled his eyes.  
“What, do you can fuck whoever you want, and I can’t?” he snapped. I didn’t reply.  
“How do you know we fucked?” I asked. Of course, we hadn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.  
“Because he looks way too pleased with himself to be a virgin.” He said.  
I didn't say anything to confirm or deny his statement.  
“How was he, by the way? Did you top?” he asked, his voice only now giving away that he was more than vaguely interested.  
“No. I bottomed for him.” I lied. His smile faltered for a moment. Got him.  
“Oh yeah? How was it?” he asked, regaining composure.  
“Great.” I said. He smiled.  
“You’re lying, Frank.” He murmured, looking at me from under his eyelashes. I didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. He laughed softly.  
“I don’t know why you’re trying to make me jealous. I haven’t spoken to you in two months, and we haven’t been a _couple_ ” (he spat the word) “in almost three. I think that constitutes that we can see other people.”  
“You mean you don’t want me?” I asked. He sucked in a breath.  
“I mean that you don’t own me. Nor do I own you.” He said, rising to his feet. God, he looked fucking gorgeous, which just made this all the more difficult to get through.  
“You didn’t answer my question.”  
“What’s that?” he asked lightly.  
“Do you mean that you don’t want me?” I asked bravely. I heard a sharp intake of air, and suddenly I was being pushed against the wall. Well, fuck.  
“Of course I want you, you fucking idiot.” He snarled. My breath caught in my throat and I fought the urge to touch him.  
“Then why are you doing this?” I asked softly. He stepped away from me, fixing his tie.  
“Because things changed.” He said dismissively.  
“What things?” I asked. The silence that followed was heavy, and I knew what he was going to say before he said it, but it still hurt when he did.  
“I don’t love you anymore.”


	32. Do you miss me? 'Cause I miss you

I ran. I ran, with tears spilling down my cheeks and an aching in my heart that I felt like I’d die from. I’d never felt pain like this before, but I just kept fucking running, not sure where I was going until I got there. I stopped and breathed a small sigh of ironic relief and knocked on the door.  
He answered, his face indistinguishable.  
“Frank?”  
“Hey. Is your Mom home?” I asked breathlessly. Cameron narrowed his eyes, clearly confused.  
“Um. No. Why?” he asked. Gave him an answer in the form of me pushing him against the door, kissing him roughly. He moaned and wrapped his arms around me, his hand tangling in my hair. Encouraged, I pushed him further into his house, closing the door with my foot. I moved to his neck, attacking him with bites and kisses that I knew were too rough.  
“Where…did…this…come from?” he panted, rolling his hips into my thigh.  
“Fuck me.” I breathed. Yeah, that’s what I needed. I needed to be fucked so hard I forgot his name and my name and everything. I needed to be fucked until I couldn’t walk or think, and I didn’t feel like my heart was bleeding. Cameron stilled.  
“What?”  
“You heard me. Fuck me.” I said, reaching for the zipper on his jeans.  
“I don’t know how. I thought you-“  
“No. I need it. Fuck, Cam, just fuck me.” I moaned, grabbing his dick, only covered by his thin boxers. I could feel the pure, raw heat emitting from it, and felt it twitch lightly in my hand. His breathing was short and heavy as he kissed me again.  
“Should we go upstairs?” he breathed. No. That was too far away.  
“No. Fuck me right here, against the wall.” I moaned, unzipping my own jeans and sliding them off my legs. He pushed me backwards, his mouth claiming mine as he hand slid down into my boxers, pumping me experimentally. I moaned and jerked up into his hand.  
“This isn’t about him, is it?”  
“No.” I lied. He pressed warm kisses to my neck and I growled. It wasn’t enough. I needed him to tear off all of the stains Gerard had left on my skin.  
“Fuck, Cam, more. Harder. Please.” I panted. He bit down on my neck and I almost screamed, feeling his teeth break the skin. Fuck. That’s it. Good boy.  
I was impatient. I tore his boxers down and he moaned.  
“Finger me.” I snarled. He pressed his lips to mine as his hand slid down my back, his finger pressing lightly against my entrance.  
“Won’t it hurt?”  
“I want it to.”  
“Fuck, okay.” He panted, sliding a finger into me. I gasped and bucked my hips down onto him. The way I was feeling, I didn’t want any prepping at all, but I figured it’d ruin the mood if I started bleeding on him. I felt him enter the second finger and moaned, my head hitting the wall.  
“Bite me again. Everywhere.” I panted, stroking my dick as he did what I said. His teeth bit down on my soft skin again and again, sometimes breaking the skin, sometimes just grazing me. Still, I knew Gerard would know as soon as he saw me. I moaned at the thought. _Wow. I’m fucked up._  
“That’s enough. Fuck me, Cam, please.” I whimpered.  
“Are you sure? You’re still sort of ti-“  
“Yes. I need your cock inside me, please. Fuck, baby, please.” I whined, stroking myself faster, harder. I squeezed until it hurt and cried out in pleasure. Cameron nodded and swallowed nervously. I lifted my leg and wrapped it around his waist, my breathing harsh and jagged. The movement was sort of awkward, and he kept missing and pushing into my leg, but when he got it, he _got it._  
I moaned as I felt him entering me, my hands scratching at his shoulders.  
“God, so tight, Frank.” He whispered.  
“Yeah, fuck.” I moaned, happy that he wasn’t as big as Gerard, or I’d have been literally split in two by now.  
“Am I hurting you?”  
“No. Hurt me.” I growled, wrapping my other leg around him, so only being trapped against him and the wall kept me up. He held me tightly, his hands rough on the soft skin of my thighs.  
“I don’t want to.” He whispered.I kissed him.  
“Please…I like it.” I lied. Of course I didn’t fucking like it, but already he’d stopped hurting me and I was getting images of hazel eyes looking at me from under dark eyelashes. He looked uncertain, but fucked up into me roughly. I moaned and rolled my head back, hitting the door lightly.  
“More…harder…” I breathed, and smiled a little as he panted, thrusting into me as deep and fast as he could. I stroked one hand through his hair absent-mindedly, feeling almost high from the burning feeling as he fucked me dry. He leaned forward and caught my lips between his teeth, biting down until I tasted blood. I felt it run down my chin and smiled because, fuck, I couldn’t feel a damn thing other than sharp, unbearable pain coursing through my body. At least it was better than the pain in my chest.  
Cameron was, after all, a virgin, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when he gasped  
“God, Frank, I’m gonna cum”. Nor was I disappointed. I just stroked a hand through his hair.  
“You’ll suck me off though, yeah?” I said. He moaned and nodded, resting his head against my shoulder as his hips stuttered forward and he came with a loud moan. I could feel the hot, sticky liquid pouring out of me, sliding down my thighs. It was disgusting, but it cleaned away where Gerard had touched me. Without a word, Cameron dropped to his knees and took me in his mouth, his eyes wide and pleading. I didn’t even think this time as I fucked his mouth, smirking when he gagged and clawed at my hips. I came quickly, nearly uttering Gerard’s name as I did, and then sunk down so I was sitting next to Cam on the floor.  
“Are you okay?” he asked shakily. I didn’t answer.  
“Can you grab me a cigarette from my coat pocket?” I asked. He did as I said, and I lit up, feeling the smoke fill up my lungs, mixing with the taste of my own blood to try and burn out Gerard’s name from my bones.  
I didn’t feel better. I thought fucking Cameron would make me feel better, but I just felt dirty. Gerard would know what I did straight away, and I winced as I imagined the hurt look on his face. I leaned back, letting smoke pour from my nose and not saying anything. I didn’t even notice my phone ringing until Cameron pressed it into my hands, still silent, still obviously afraid. I answered without checking who it was.  
“Yeah?”  
“I think I owe you an explanation.” Mikey said softly. I laughed, smoke flowing from my mouth.  
“No. Gerard covered that today. He doesn’t love me.” I said, the words stinging as I said them.  
“Bullshit. He does.”  
“Who gave him those lovebites?” I demanded. Mikey took a deep breath.  
“He brought a guy here maybe two weeks ago. He was stoned as fuck, and did it with him on the kitchen floor, then sent him home without even asking for his name. I didn’t want to upset you.”  
“I’m not upset.”  
“Yes you are, and I’m sorry. You can’t listen to him, though. He really does love you, and he did miss you-“  
“Then why did he say he didn’t? He was so passive earlier, it was like we’d never had anything. It was _humiliating._ ” I said, tears forming in my eyes.  
“Because Gerard Way is an asshole. It’s as simple as that. He’s so terrified to let you close to him again because of what happened last time. You just have to show him that you’re better off with him, because at the moment, he’s trying to give you a clean break.”  
“So he does love me?”  
“Fuck, yes he does. So much, Frank. You have to believe me.”  
“Prove it.”  
“Okay. He got home maybe half an hour ago. The first thing he did was throw his coat down and kick the front door. Then he poured himself a glass of water, but got pissed off and threw the cup against the wall, and it broke. He fell on the floor and cried, and told me everything he’d said to you. I called him an idiot, and he said he knew, and that he didn’t know why he was the way he was, and that he just wanted you. Now he’s upstairs, probably still crying.” He said matter-of-factly.I breathed in a shaky breath, tears spilling down my face, my bodily pain momentarily forgotten.  
“Oh God.”  
“Just fucking tell him you love him and don’t take no for an answer. He’s looking for some fucking sign that you need him as much as he needs you. Prove to him that you’re not better off without him.”  
“Okay.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s fine.” I said, hanging up. I put my head in my hands and let the tears fall freely, not caring that Cameron was watching me.  
“Here.” He murmured, holding out a wet cloth. I used it to wipe the blood from my face and neck, wincing at the sensitive areas around my neck and mouth. Those would definitely hurt tomorrow.  
“Frank, I need to talk to you about something.” He said. I nodded, leaning against the wall and reaching for another cigarette. He looked disapproving as I lit up and nodded for him to continue.  
“I knew from day 1 that you were in love with Mr. Way, and I stayed with you anyway because I hoped you’d change your mind. But you haven’t, and you won’t, and I care about you too much to let this happen. I can see that I’m not helping things, and you can’t really be happy with anyone who isn’t him-“  
“What are you saying?” I asked, surprisingly calm.  
“You two deserve each other, you know. Not in a bad way, but you do. You have the best of each other. Gerard has the confidence and emotional drive that you don’t have, and you have the empathy and stability that he doesn’t have. But you also have the worst of each other, and for that, you can only ever be with each other.” He took a deep breath.  
“Which makes it kind of hard for me to be in the picture.” He said, looking up at me sadly. I blew a puff of smoke out of my mouth and looked at him quizzically.  
“So, what are you saying?” I asked again. He laughed a little bit.  
“I think I’m breaking up with you.” He said softly, holding my free hand. I just looked at our entwined hands, unsure of how I was feeling.  
“You sure picked a time to do it.” I smiled sadly.  
“I was thinking about it before, but I just couldn’t do it. I just think it’s time.”  
“Now you’ve had a fuck?” I asked, more bitterly than I meant to.  
“That was you, not me. I knew you needed me, and I obliged.” He said. I felt guilt run through me at that one.  
“I guess that ruins the whole ‘your first time should be special’ thing.” I muttered. He smiled and kissed my forehead.  
“It was special. I don’t regret it, and if I could, I’d stay with you, but I know you’ll just be unhappy.”  
“I’m so sorry. I wish I’d met you first.” I said honestly. He kissed me gently.  
“Yeah, I know. But you didn’t.”  
  
  
Most people who’d been broken up with after a sort of relationship of three months would probably cry themselves to sleep, but I didn’t. Instead, I was filled with a weird, giddy kind of high. Sure, I was sad that I wouldn’t have him around anymore, but it wasn’t like I harbored any real feelings for him, as bad as it sounds. In fact, the only things that really hurt were my neck, my mouth and my ass. I had no idea how I was going to go to school tomorrow, and I was regretting asking him to be so rough – he was clearly uncomfortable, and Gerard would surely be upset by it, even if he pretended not to be. I groaned and shifted in bed, wincing as the bedcovers pulled at my sensitive skin, and prepared for a sleepless night.  
  
No amount of scarves or my mother’s makeup could hide the bite marks on my neck, or the fact that my lips were swollen and cracked. I even had a fucking _limp._ At this point, my mother, knowing that I would do what I wanted despite her disapproval, me being 18 and all, just raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes when I came in looking fucked out and beaten. I chuckled to myself – if only she knew.  
I had Mr. Way first thing, and my heart hammered in my chest like a bird in a cage. He’d notice, undoubtedly, and I was worried about his reaction. If he was upset, that’d be better than him not caring, of course, but I really didn’t want to see him upset.  
To avoid the awkward scene, I arrived at his class 5 minutes early. He was drawing (as always), and looked up when I came in, a small smile on his face, which dropped when he saw me.  
“Frank? God, what happened?” he asked, bolting out of his seat and rushing to me apparently forgetting that he wasn’t in love with me. I smiled a little bit.  
“I bottomed.” I said weakly. He brought a hand to his mouth and shook his head, his expression horrified. My heart dropped in my chest.  
“Jesus, Frank. Did he do this to you?”  
“I asked him to.” I croaked, tears falling down my cheeks. He ran a thumb across my swollen, sore lips and shook his head.  
“Why? Why would you do this to yourself? Did you enjoy it?” he asked. I shook my head.  
“No. It hurt. He went in dry and I was burning, and I made him be rough with me to take it all away, and he did, but it just hurt more. And now I feel like I’m dying.” I gasped. He let his fingertips dance around the marks on my neck, tears filling his eyes.  
“Why, Frank?” he asked softly. A sob escaped my throat.  
“I needed to stop feeling. Fuck, Gerard, it hurts.”  
“What hurts, sweetheart?” he asked, his hand cupping my jaw. I looked up at him, my eyes flooding with tears.  
“This. You. I can’t do it, it hurts too much. I just want you so much – why isn’t that enough anymore?” I sobbed. He shut his eyes, a tear rolling down his pale cheek.  
“Please.” I breathed, reaching forward and pulling him into a hug. I rested my head on his chest, breathing in that scent that I’d missed so much. He wrapped his arms around me, but he was stiff. I didn’t care – I was still in his arms.  
“Class is gonna start in a minute. Are you gonna be alright?” he asked softly. I pulled away and nodded, wiping my eyes.  
“Yeah. I’m fine.” I whispered. He held my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.  
“I’ll talk to you after school, okay? Just hold on until then.” He murmured.  
“I really wish I could kiss you.” I blurted out. He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped away from me, towards his desk, and said nothing more as he sorted his papers out. I still had about two minutes to keep his attention, and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to utilize them.  
“You look good, by the way. I didn’t realize it was possible to look hotter than you already did.” I said. He turned around and smiled.  
“Really? I wasn’t sure if you’d like it.” He said honestly. My heart raced in my chest because he’d thought of me.  
“Yeah. Black hair looks good on you.” I said. He raised an eyebrow.  
“And you don’t mind that I gained weight?” he asked softly. I laughed.  
“No. _No._ Quite the opposite, actually. You look really hot. And your ass just looks…” I bit my lip. He blushed and turned away.  
“Well. Thanks.” He said weakly, and I beamed in triumph.  
  
It was only a little bit awkward when Cameron walked in. We made eye contact, and I gave him a little smile. He frowned at my appearance, but returned my smile with a wave. Gerard, however, wasn’t as accommodating. He glared at him coldly, the gaze only intensifying when Cameron returned it, squaring his jaw. I genuinely thought they were going to have a macho testosterone-off in the middle of class, and was more than relieved when Cam just sat down at the back of the class. Gerard undid one of the buttons on his waistcoat before picking up his copy of Othello. God, I hated that play and all of it’s damn parallels with my life.  
“I think today we should focus on Cassio and Desdemona. Obviously, they’re not really together, but he does treat her with a lot of the respect that Othello lacks, even though Othello loves her.” He said. I snorted lightly – he was really doing this, wasn’t he? He smiled softly, probably feeling quite pleased with himself, before continuing the metaphor.  
“Because it’s obvious, you know, that Othello loves her. That’s why he got so obsessed and jealous – because he really loves her.” He said, leaning against the desk. He stared out the window before coming to his senses and smiling.  
“Anyway, I’d just like you to find contrasting quotes from Cassio and Othello in how they talk about Desdemona.” He said. The class’ voices faded into a dull buzz as they got to work. I looked at him incredulously, raising my eyebrows and he laughed (my heart definitely didn’t melt at how beautiful he was) and shrugged. I heard a cough next to me and turned to see Chris nodding and giving me a thumbs-up. I just chuckled and turned back to my work, suddenly not feeling so dead anymore.  
  
  
The dead feeling came back as soon as I left his classroom with a silent promise of “I’m coming back”. Even though I knew I’d see him later, the day still dragged, and I found myself feeling worse and worse. Despite what Mikey said, and his behaviour this morning, I couldn’t be sure that Gerard really reciprocated my feelings. He’d been really convincing yesterday, and he really hadn’t spoken to me for two months _and_ fucked someone else. Despite my own hypocrisy in that area, it wasn’t completely ridiculous to believe that he was only being so kind because he felt bad for me. By lunch, I’d completely convinced myself.  
“What’s up with Cameron?” Joe asked. I choked on the apple I was eating.  
“Shit, sorry. Yeah, we broke up.” I said. Chris and Joe gaped at me.  
“Dude!?” Joe asked.  
“Why?” Chris asked. I shrugged.  
“He said that he didn’t fit with me very well.” I said, giving Chris a significant look. He nodded.  
“I’m sorry, dude.” Joe said. I nodded and smiled.  
“Yeah, it’s a bummer. It’s for the best though, I guess.” I said. He pursed his lips.  
“If you need to talk to anyone about it…” he said. I felt a bit bad, but Chris gave me a knowing look, so I didn’t say anything.  
“Yeah, thanks man.” I said with an easy smile. I could feel Cameron staring at me, and gave him a small wave, which he returned. And that was it.  
“Did he do that to you?” Chris said suddenly.  
“Yeah. We ah, did stuff. And then broke up. It was weird.” I admitted. Joe whistled.  
“Looks painful.”  
“You have no idea.” I laughed.  
  
The end of the day came, and suddenly, I didn’t want to see him anymore. My footsteps fell heavy as I trudged to his classroom, and I needed comfort for what I knew would be a really, really awkward conversation.  
  
 **TO: Mikey**  
(3:34pm)Going to talk to G. Freaking out.  
  
I knew it was a bit sneaky to text the brother of the guy I was nervous about, but he was the only person who’d understand how I felt. He didn’t reply, and I shoved my phone in my pocket, taking a deep breath as I walked into the classroom.  
There was still a kid in there from the previous class talking to Mr. Way about whatever. Gerard looked up.  
“Just sit down, Frank. I’ll be with you in a moment.” He said softly, turning back to the student. They spoke for a few more minutes before he left, and Gerard turned his attention to me. Finally.  
“Come here.” He said softly. I walked over and stood on the other side of his desk.  
“Talk to me.” He said seriously.  
“I don’t know what to say.” I admitted. He smiled.  
“Why not tell me how you feel? About me?” he said smoothly. I sighed.  
“I’m…angry. And confused. I’m hearing one thing and seeing another, and then you just change. I just need to know what’s happening, Gee. I feel like the relationship ran it’s course and left me behind.” I said in a rush. He chewed his lip and narrowed his eyes.  
“Because of yesterday?”  
“Because of everything.” I breathed. He sighed.  
“I don’t know what to tell you. I meant what I said yesterday, Frank. You’re great, and I’ll never forget the time we had together, but I just…it’s not there.” He said, but he seemed less sure than he was yesterday. I moved closer to him.  
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.” I said. He didn’t speak.  
“Or what about the fact that someone else got to fuck me before you did? You waited so long, so patiently, and someone else took that from you.” I said, knowing it was harsh. His face shifted only slightly, and I had to praise his acting skills.  
“Or how about the fact that I’m still in love with you, and that I think you’re an idiot for thinking I could ever be without you, or that I’d be better off without you.” I said, closing the distance between us, so I was standing between his open legs.  
“Frank, please.” He murmured. I shook my head.  
“No. Tell me.” I said. He looked into my eyes and took a deep breath.  
“I don’t love you.” He said, but it was weak and his eyes darted away from mine. I shook my head.  
“God, what do you want from me?” he groaned. I sat down softly on his lap, putting my legs either side of his, so I was straddling him. He breathed roughly.  
“You know what I want from you.” I said softly. He put his hands softly on my waist, his hands unsure.  
“I want that too.” He breathed “But I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, and I didn’t know if he meant my actual injuries or not. I looked away, disappointed, and he brushed his hand through my hair.  
“You won’t. I’m fine.” I whispered  
“This is all my fault. I’ll make it better, Frank. I promise.” He said, and something in it made me uncomfortable. Maybe it was the implication that fucking me was the way to make up for three months of torture.  
“No, it’s okay.”  
“God, Frank, I’m sorry. You must’ve been so scared. I feel awful.” He said, rubbing his hands up and down my sides, his fingertips sliding underneath my shirt. I slid off his lap, laughing and running a hand through my hair.  
“I’m gonna go.” I said bluntly. He widened his eyes and scrambled to his feet.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“Because I love you, and you’re only being nice to me because you feel bad that I went to such extreme measures to try and forget you.” I said, close to crying. His jaw squared, his eyes filled with that familiar fire.  
“That’s what you think this is? A damn _pity fuck_?”  
“Yeah. That’s exactly what I think this is.” I snarled. He pushed me up against the wall for the second time in two days. I really hoped that this was going to become a routine.  
“You’re wrong.”  
“Tell me you love me.”  
“That’d be lying.”  
“I’m calling your bluff.” I said, my voice stronger than I felt. He laughed and rolled his hips forward, brushing his hardening cock against my leg. I whimpered. He smirked and kissed my collarbones, his hands firm on my arms as he slid down to his knees. Fuck.  
“Frankie, if you want a fuck, I can give you a fuck.” He said, sliding my belt out of it’s buckle.  
“But if it’s love that you want from me…I don’t think I have it in me.”  
“Yes you do. You love Mikey, don’t you?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as he mouthed my cock through my boxers. God, I’d missed this. He pulled back, sliding my jeans and boxers down my legs.  
“That’s different.” He said, pumping me smoothly. I gasped and bucked into his hand, my body pressed against the door.  
“H-how is it? Love is love, isn’t it?” I said, moaning at the end and tangling my hand in his thick black hair. He was so beautiful like that. He pulled away.  
“Not really. Why do you even care? You’ve got someone now, right?” he said bitterly.  
“N-no. We br-oke up.” I stammered. He pulled off my dick again with a loud popping noise as he stared up at me, eyes wide with shock.  
“What?” he snapped. I took a moment to catch my breath before replying.  
“We broke up, last night.”  
“After the sex?  
“Yeah.” I said, blushing.  
“So you’re not…attached?” he asked, his voice almost breaking from excitement. I shrugged.  
“I guess not.” I murmured. He moaned and wrapped his lips around my cock again, his head working harder and faster as he deepthroated me. I let my hand lie in his hair, occasionally tightening it when his sinful tongue ran along my shaft. My panting mixed with my moans to make loud, animalistic cries that made him hum with pleasure. He stood up, my cock still in his hand, and kissed me hard, so I tasted myself. I smiled against his mouth.  
“God, Gee. Missed this.” I panted. He groaned.  
“Don’t.”  
“I did, though.”  
“I don’t care. I just wanna fuck, okay? None of that other shit. Just fuck me.” He moaned. I didn’t want to say anything, because I knew I’d probably just start crying, so I pulled him close to me and hugged him tightly, happy when he actually hugged back this time.  
“You missed me a little bit, right?”  
“No.” he snarled, forcing his lips against mine. Knowing I’d never be able to get him to admit it, I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him over to his desk. He pulled away, his eyes wide and glittering with excitement.  
“You gonna fuck me on my desk, sweetheart?” he purred. I pushed him against the desk.  
“Yeah, I am.” I said, half lifting him up onto it. He sat down on the smooth wood, smiling expectantly as I slid off his pants and boxers, moaning when I saw him. It’d been so long, I’d forgotten how fucking _big_ he was. Not only that, but the extra weight he’d gained made his thighs thicker. I moaned.  
“God, I need to-“ I stammered, sinking to my knees and pulling him forward, so my face was buried between his thick, pale thighs. He panted desperately, his hand stroking my hair as I licked him, my tongue lapping excitedly over his hole, which twitched greedily in response. He moaned and fell back so he was lying flat on his back. I moved back slightly so I could slide a finger inside of him, and he made a small “ah” noise at the intrusion.  
“Don’t worry, beautiful. Gonna take good care of you.” I whispered, kissing his thigh. He hummed happily in response and I slid the next finger in, twisting them to stretch him out. He bucked his hips down onto my fingers and I chuckled at his eagerness.  
“You did miss me.” I laughed. He shook his head.  
“No, I missed your dick. There’s a difference.” He said, but his voice was light. It made my heart flutter with the beginnings of hope. I just laughed and pressed soft kisses along his thighs, before lining the blunt tip of my cock against his stretched out hole.  
“Ready, honey?” I asked. He nodded, his eyes shut, his mouth slightly open in pleasure. As I pushed into him, his eyes flew open.  
“Fuck, Frank. That’s it, baby.” He moaned as I snapped my hips forward, totally in love with the feeling of his familiar tight heat around my aching cock. God only knew how long I’d wanted this.His nails dug into the wood as I thrust into him, his whole body moving with the force of it. He sat up, wrapping his legs firmly around my waist and pressing his forehead against mine.  
“Harder, baby. Fuck me harder.” He pleaded, threading his hand through my hair, and I did. I fucked him with all the power of the last three months, like a dam bursting inside me. I rested my head on his forehead, one hand on the small of his back and the other resting on his jaw. Both of his hands were around my neck, pulling me closer to him. Our faces were contorted into matching masks of pure pleasure, our breathing jagged and heavy as we were stuck in the limbo between raw, sexual pleasure and pure love.  
He started crying at some point and buried his head in my shoulder, but I knew better than to say anything, so I just stroked his hair as his hands clawed my back, his gentle sobs mixing with my moans.  
I could feel my orgasm building up, and knew that, even though I’d had sex just the day before, I was going to cum hard. That was good – God knows I needed it. I claimed his lips in a sloppy kiss, getting ready to climax inside hi-  
“Mr. Way?” Came a voice from outside the classroom door which Gerard had, thankfully, locked. The window was covered up with a poster, and he smiled sheepishly at me.  
“Uhm, yeah?” he called, putting a hand over my mouth.  
“I need to talk to you about the Johnson boy.” Came the Principal’s voice. Well, shit.  
“No problem, I’m just speaking with a student at the moment, I’ll be with you in a second!” he called. I slid out of him, disappointed, and helped him get changed. He pecked me softly on the lips.  
“Go to my place. Mikey’s there, he’ll let you in. I’ll be by when I can.” He said softly, and I nodded, pulling my bag onto my shoulder.  
“Alright, Frank, thanks for coming to see me.” He said in his best teacher voice, winking at me.  
“No problem, thanks for the help.” I said, unlocking the door and smiling at the Principal as I left.  
“I hope you’re not in trouble, Mr. Iero.” He said, giving me a hard look. Gerard smiled easily.  
“He’s not anymore.”  
  
  
Like Gerard said, Mikey was there to open the door when I got there. His eyes widened when he saw me, and he pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged him back, happy that he was getting his strength back.  
“Did Gerard send you over?” he asked, and I nodded happily. He beamed at me and led me into the house.  
“Good. That’s good news. Sorry I didn’t reply to your text.” He said. I smiled.  
“It’s fine. I was busy anyway.” I said, forgetting who I was talking to. He wrinkled his nose.  
“So gross.” He sighed.  
“Sorry!”  
“You know, I’ll never forget that time you called him Daddy right in front of me. If I’d been awake, I’d have probably thrown up all over myself.” He said, glaring at me. I just gaped at him, laughing.  
“Sorry! In my defense, we weren’t sure if you could actually hear us or not.” I said, accepting the can of coke he offered me.  
“Well, it was gross.” He said, laughing.  
“So how are you doing, anyway? You look healthier.” I commented. He smiled.  
“Yeah, I feel a lot better. You’d never guess that not even that long ago I was in a coma, right?” he laughed.  
“How’s it been with Gerard, though? I mean, he’s not good at being sober.” I said sadly. Mikey shrugged.  
“It’s hard when he comes home drunk, not because I want to be drunk too, but because it hurts watching him put himself through the same shit I put myself through. I’m living proof of why that’s a bad idea. At least he goes out to drink, though. He’s very careful not to drink around me, which is nice, I guess.” He said, leaning back on the sofa. We sat in silence for a while, his words swimming in my head.  
“Do you think he really loves me?” I asked hoarsely. He sighed and rolled his eyes.  
“Yes. And I know that because he asks me that same damn question about you almost every night. Why is it so hard for you to just ask each other?” he said, exasperated.  
“I did, remember? He said he didn’t love me.” I snapped, but I smiled to let him know I was joking.  
“Have you managed to get him to admit that he does yet?” he asked. I chewed my lip.  
“I’m working on it.” I giggled. He wrinkled his nose again.  
“So motherfucking gross.”  
  
Gerard came home about an hour later, and Mikey took the opportunity to excuse himself upstairs for “video games, or whatever”. Gerard laughed and sat down next to me, pulling me into his arms. I rested my head against his chest as he held me to him, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into my arm.  
“You’re so soft.” I mumbled. He laughed nervously.  
“What, like, fat?”  
“No. Like, beautiful.” I said, leaning up to kiss him. He smiled and kissed me back. It was light at first, just our lips snatching at each other, but then it deepened, his hand coming up to cup my cheek as I pulled myself closer to him.  
“You’re so goddamn beautiful.” He murmured, kissing my jawline. There was no feeling like we had to pick up where we left off in his classroom, I was just enjoying learning all the curves of his mouth again, letting his taste fill my mouth again. My hands ran through his hair and he sighed happily, then frowned.  
“Do you still ache?” he asked softly. I nodded.  
“Yeah. I really overdid it.” I laughed.  
“It broke my heart, you know. Hearing that you did that with him. I wanted to be your first, the one you’d always remember. I had it all planned out, and now it’s just…nothing. Another fuck.” He said softly. I kissed him.  
“No. It will be special, because it’s you. I wish you could see how much I need you, Gerard. You’re everything.” I breathed.  
“Next time I try living without you, just slap me.” He laughed, peppering my face with kisses. I laughed.  
“Does that mean you missed me?” I asked, giggling. He rolled his eyes and pulled me into his arms again, kissing the top of my head.  
“Shut up.” He laughed into my hair.


	33. This time I mean it

I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I woke up by Gerard moving from under me. I groaned and rolled over sleepily, stretching out and smiling at him. He smiled and kissed me gently.  
“Sorry, I was trying to go without waking you.” He murmured. I pulled him in for another kiss.  
“Go where?” I asked groggily.  
“Mikes has a hospital appointment, and then we were gonna go for dinner.” He said. I sat up.  
“You were just gonna leave me here?” I asked. He laughed.  
“No, of course not. I was just gonna wake you up before we left. I thought I’d let you sleep a bit longer.” He said, smiling fondly and stroking my cheek. I sighed and smiled, feeling a warm sense of contentedness spark through me, almost as if things were the way they used to be. The sharp, stabbing pain in my ass reminded me otherwise, and I winced. He frowned.  
“Still hurt?” he murmured. I nodded. He glanced up at the clock, then back to me.  
“If you want, I can drive you home on the way to taking Mikey.” He said. I nodded and moved to rise to my feet, but he stopped me with a kiss.  
“Or, you can come with us and stay with me tonight.” He said, his eyes dancing. I blushed.  
“Oh. I…I don’t know.” I said awkwardly. As happy as I was, I had to admit that things were going fast, and I was worried that I’d be left behind again. He bit his lip and smirked – knowing full well that doing that would make me do anything he wanted.  
“You don’t have to, sweetheart.” He said softly, but he still had that sexy, sultry little smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.  
“I guess maybe just for one night.” I smiled. He chuckled and kissed me.  
“You guys need to get a room.” Mikey interrupted. I laughed, but Gerard pulled me closer to him.  
“We have a room, Mikes. How about you get out of it?” he said, kissing me again, harder and deeper. I laughed and pushed him away, heaving myself off the sofa.  
“Don’t be a dick, Gee.” I laughed. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I looked away,blushing.  
“You’ve never minded my dick before.” He purred.  
“Jesus _Christ._ I think I preferred it when you weren’t talking. _”_ Mikey groaned. Gerard just laughed, and I, for the millionth time, just stared at him in awe. He was so beautiful, and he was, apparently, all mine. At least for now.  
  
The car ride to the hospital was better than the last one – but of course, I guess it couldn’t really be worse. Still, aside from that, it was genuinely enjoyable. Gerard drove with Mikey in the passenger seat and me in the back (with the promise that I’d get to sit in the front on the way back), and we listened to classic rock on loud with the windows wide open. The way we were acting, you’d have thought it was July instead of a brisk evening in early March, and that we were going to a concert or something instead of driving my teacher (who was also my sort of kind of boyfriend) and his post-comatose brother to the hospital. I chuckled and Gerard smiled at me from the mirror, sending my heart into overdrive.  
“You nervous?” I asked Mikey. He shrugged.  
“Nah, I’m fine. I’ve already been to a few of these, so it’s getting to be sort of routine. Y’know, I’ll turn up, they’ll run tests, congratulate me on my sobriety, flirt with Gee, and then we’ll be outta there.” He said, beaming at his brother. Gerard rolled his eyes.  
“They won’t flirt with me.” He laughed. Mikey turned and looked at me, his eyes wide with amusement.  
“I bet you five bucks he gets hit on.” He said. I reached forward and shook his head.  
“You’re on.” I said, narrowing my eyes.  
“Wow, thanks Frank.” Gerard chuckled.  
“People flirt with you a lot.” I pointed out.  
“It’s true, Gee, they do.” Mikey said, supporting me.  
“I can’t help that!” he protested. Mikey shrugged.  
“Doesn’t change it, dude.”  
“You can both shut up.” He grumbled jokingly, turning the music a little louder. Mikey and I shared a look, before I leaned my head back on the soft seat, my eyes falling shut as I let the music flow through me, the gentle rocking of the car soothing me slowly to sleep.  
  
“Jesus, Mikey, I don’t know.” Gerard snapped. It was the first thing I heard waking up.  
“Well, it’s not hard, is it?” Mikey replied calmly, which I knew was probably driving Gerard crazy. He looked into the mirror to check if I was still sleeping, and I squeezed my eyes shut.  
“Yes it is. It’s not something I can just come out and tell him, is it?” Gerard hissed.  
“He has to know, or he’ll find out later and it’ll bite you in the ass.”  
“I know that, shit, but I…I don’t know. He won’t like it.”  
“Of course he won’t. You should have thought of that before you-“  
“Yeah. I know. You didn’t have to lie to him, though.”  
“It’s not my place to tell him.” Mikey sighed. Gerard made an undistinguishable noise and Mikey sighed again.  
“Why do I even need to tell him? It’s not like he ever met him.”  
“You know damn well why you need to tell him. How would you feel if-“  
“Please. Okay, I know.” Gerard groaned. I tried to keep my breathing shallow, as if I was sleeping, even as my heart slammed against my ribcage. It didn’t take a genius to work out that they were talking about me – and apparently, there was something Gerard wasn’t telling me.  
“Do you still love him?”  
“Who? Frank?”  
“No. You know who.” Mikey said softly. Gerard breathed softly, and my heart froze in my chest. Didn’t he tell me he’d never been in love before?  
“I-no. Of course not.”  
“You don’t sound so sure.” MIkey murmured. Gerard sucked in a shaky breath – oh God, he was crying. My heart was threatening to jump out of my throat at this point, my legs shaking softly.  
“No. I mean, I love Frank.” He said, but it wasn’t convincing. I felt like I was going to throw up. I wanted to ‘wake up’ and end their conversation, but at the same time, I wanted to see where it would go, because apparently I enjoyed self-torture.  
“Right.” Mikey snorted.  
“Jesus, Mikes. I love him, okay? Frankie’s _everything._ You know that. You know what he means to me.” He almost shouted, going quiet at the end when he remembered I was ‘sleeping’.  
“I know you love him, Gee. I didn’t mean that.”  
“Then what?”  
“I just think that maybe you’re a bit confused.”  
“No. _I love him.”_  
“But you love Bert too.” Mikey said softly. Who the fuck was Bert?  
“I don’t know.” Gerard all but sobbed. I felt my blood run cold. How the fuck could he not know? Wasn’t I enough?  
“You know he’d have you back in a heartbeat, right?” Mikey said, but it didn’t sound like he was offering – more like warning.  
“Yeah.”  
“Would you ever leave Frank for him?” he said bluntly.  
“I’ve never considered it.”  
“That’s not what I asked you.” Mikey said darkly. He was clearly for Gerard staying with me (if that’s what we were. Together) and I felt a rush of affection for him.  
“Shit, I don’t know, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I don’t fucking know.” Gerard snapped.  
“You can’t keep doing this, Gee. It’s not good for you or anyone else.” Mikey said softly.  
“What, you worried I’ll try to kill myself again?” Gerard said coldly.  
“You know that’s not what I-“  
“Just shut up. I’ll work this out, okay? It’ll be fine.”  
“And you’ll tell Frank?” Mikey said. Gerard breathed deeply.  
“Yeah. I’ll tell Frank.”  
“When?”  
“Tonight. I’ll do it tonight.” He said, sounding uncertain. They were silent after that, and someone – I assumed Gerard – turned the radio up, so I took that as my cue to open my eyes and stretch over-dramatically. Gerard’s face pulled into a soft, fond smile, and I found it hard to believe that he’d really said what I’d just heard.  
“Hey, sweetheart. We’re almost there.” He said, his voice soft. I nodded and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to hold myself together. He was in love with someone else. The words kept flitting through my mind. I wasn’t enough for him, and he was in love with someone else. Not only that, but from the sounds of it, he’d been in love with them this whole fucking time.  
So what was I, then? A fucking toyboy for him to fuck around? That didn’t sound right. After everything we’d been through, it didn’t seem right that he didn’t love me – but I heard him say it himself. How could he love me when he was already in love with someone else.  
“You okay, sweetheart?” Gerard asked, eyebrows furrowing. I nodded silently, looking out the window.  
“Yeah, just feeling a bit motion sick.” I murmured.  
“Want me to stop the car for a bit?” he asked concernedly. I took a deep breath.  
“Yeah, actually. If that’s okay.” I said. He nodded and pulled over, and I slid out of the car almost as soon as it’d stopped moving. Luckily, we were already in the more rural area, probably pretty close to the hospital, actually, so I had a small patch of trees that I could walk amongst. I looked at it longingly.  
“Hey, I’m just gonna go for a bit of a walk to get some air in my head. I’ll be back in like, 10 minutes. Is that okay?”  
“Yeah. We’re actually a little early so take your time. Do you want me to come with you?” Gerard asked smoothly.  
“No.” I said too fast. His face dropped but he nodded, plastering a smile onto his face, and I started walking away.  
“Hey, no kiss?” he asked jokingly.  
“Maybe later.” I said weakly. His smiled dropped again and he nodded. I just turned away from him and continued my walk.  
Even though my stomach was churning, I waited until I was fully hidden by the trees to sink to my knees and vomit. Yeah, that’s right. I fucking hurled, right there, choking up the contents of my stomach as my knees shook. He couldn’t be in love with someone else – not this whole time. He couldn’t have lied to me for almost 5 months, could he? And what about the two years before that, where he claimed to have wanted me even then? I ran a hand through my hair and laughed bitterly to myself. I guess he could. Despite knowing him for two years, I really didn’t know much about him – not enough to have fallen for him so hard. I was suddenly very angry with myself for having been so stupid. Of course he’d have things he hid from me. Of course he wasn’t in love with me. He meant what he said yesterday, and I knew it. He didn’t love me because he was still hung up over this Bert guy, and I was a happy distraction. It made a lot of things fit together well.  
  
I knew we had to get going, so I stumbled back to the car, feeling both relieved and terrified when the car came into view. Mikey was still inside, from what I could see, but Gerard was leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette. His eyes were red, his black hair pushed back from his face and sticking up in places. Despite being desperately angry and confused, I still couldn’t help the jolt of ‘holy shit’ that ran through my body because, damn, he was so beautiful. He pulled his cigarette out of his mouth when he saw me approaching and held it out to me.  
“Want the rest?” he asked. I took it and nodded my thanks, sucking the smoke into my lungs. He leaned against the car again, scrutinizing me.  
“Are you okay now?” he asked softly. I laughed bitterly.  
“Yeah, I guess so.”  
“Is there anything upsetting you?” he asked. I took a pull of the cigarette to stagger my answer.  
“Nah.” I said as the smoke poured from my lips. He grunted and slid back into the car. I dropped the cigarette on the floor, leaving it smoking as I got into the backseat.  
“Feeling any better?” Mikey asked as I got in. I smiled weakly at him.  
“Yeah, a little.” I said, and he smiled back. Gerard was silent as he started the car and didn’t speak until we got to the hospital.  
  
Once there, though, things ran pretty smoothly. Mikey checked in, and Gerard smiled at the elderly receptionist again.  
“You brought your son along again?” she asked quizzically. I froze, realizing how weird it looked.  
“Yeah. He wants to be a doctor.” He said easily, the lie slipping through his curved lips. Of course he was lying – he was used to that, right? She smiled at me in undeserved admiration and we went through to the examining room.  
And that’s where everything went wrong.  
Almost as soon as we’d walked in, Gerard muttered “oh fuck” just as the nurse – a male one this time, not Marie – turned around and smiled. Even Mikey sucked in a breath.  
“Hey Mikes, you ready for your physical?” he asked. Mikey nodded slowly, almost resentfully, and followed him to the chair. I didn’t know why the Way brothers were acting so weird – the guy seemed nice enough. He had long, brown hair, and from what I could see through his scrubs, he was fairly slim, and had a wide, friendly smile.  
“How’re you doing, Gerard? It’s been a while.”  
“Only a couple of weeks.” He said, his voice weak. The nurse chuckled.  
“That’s a long time, considering.” He said, giving Gerard a meaningful look. Gerard blushed and looked down, and I didn’t miss the hard stare Mikey was giving him. What the fuck was going on?  
The Nurse’s eyes laid on me and he quirked his mouth up into a smile, before turning back to Mikey.  
“Is that Frank?” he asked. It was a simple question, but for some reason, Gerard tensed.  
“Yeah.” He said, his voice dry. The nurse raised his eyebrows.  
“He looks different to how I imagined.” He murmured. I looked up at Gerard, a thousand questions running through my mind. Gerard sighed.  
“Frankie, this is Bert. Bert, Frank.” He said in a loose greeting. My heart plummeted and I felt sick again. This was Bert? He was fucking gorgeous. There was no way I could compete with that. I gave him a tight smile, which he returned with a dazzling grin. I heard Gerard’s breath hitch and could barely contain the tears that formed in my eyes. This was so fucking bad. I looked up and saw Gerard staring at him, his eyes wide with awe, his mouth slightly open as he not-so-subtly checked him out. I didn’t blame him – the guy could be a fucking movie star.  
“Gerard.” Mikey hissed, and he shut his mouth, glancing at me and blushing. I acted nonchalant, like I hadn’t noticed, even as my legs shook. Bert grinned, probably knowing damn well what had happened.  
“Aw, don’t ruin all the fun, Mikey.” He chuckled.  
“Frank, go outside.” Gerard murmured, his voice soft, like he was trying not to cry. I guess that made two of us.  
“No.” I said hotly. He looked at me with pure rage in his eyes, even as his face remained calm.  
“I said, go outside. Now.” He said firmly, and there was no arguing with him. I gave Mikey a weak smile and did as I was told, just about hearing Mikey say “how the fuck dare you” as I closed the door.  
I couldn’t hear much from outside, just muffled voices that rose and fell, and Mikey shouting so loud that I could almost hear what he was saying even through the sound-proofing. I heard when Gerard started crying, and I heard when Mikey yelled at him for it. Then there was a lot of shuffling and silence, and then Mikey appeared, his grip hard on Gerard’s wrist. Gerard was still crying when he towed him out.  
“Get in the car.” Mikey snapped at Gerard. I was surprised at his tone, but Gerard wasn’t. He just nodded, defeated, and walked away. Mikey didn’t say anything until we couldn’t hear Gerard’s footsteps anymore, and then he pulled me into a tight hug. He smelled kinda like Gerard, but not as musky and warm.  
“I’m so sorry Frank. I’m so, so sorry.” He whispered. I clung to him, not sure how much he knew that I was aware of.  
“For what?” I asked weakly. Mikey shook his head and stepped back, putting his hands on my shoulders.  
“Gerard’s gonna talk to you later, okay? Don’t be afraid.” He said, but I couldn’t help it. My legs were shaking so hard I thought I’d collapse, only Mikey’s hands on my shoulders keeping me upright.  
“I’m so scared. God, I’m so scared.” I said, letting the tears flow freely from my eyes, my legs finally giving way as Mikey pulled me back into his arms. What I’d gathered was that Gerard had had a thing with Bert, and may or may not still be in love with him. But there was something else that they weren’t telling me, and it was that that had me worried.  
“Shh, don’t be scared. He won’t hurt you, he loves you.” Mikey said softly.  
“No, he doesn’t. He can’t love me if he…” I said, letting the words die, but Mikey knew what I was trying to say.  
“He does, Frank. Never doubt that. You mean the world to him, I swear. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you. You just gotta let him explain himself and work stuff out.” He said. I didn’t reply. Mikey sighed and led me out of the hospital.  
  
Mikey insisted that I sit in the front seat, despite my protests. I glared at him as I sat awkwardly next to Gerard, who didn’t look at me even once. None of us were particularly hungry anymore, so we skipped dinner and just drove home.  
“You can just drop me off home.” I said softly. Gerard made a small, choked noise.  
“Why? Don’t you wanna stay with me?” he asked.  
“I don’t think I do.” I said. He pursed his lips and tried, unsuccessfully, to blink away his tears.  
“If that’s what you want.” He said gently.  
“That’s bullshit.” Mikey piped up from the back.  
“What?” Gerard said.  
“Gerard, don’t drop him off. You two need to stop fucking running away from each other. Fuck. I’ve never seen two people less happy to be in love with each other than you are.” He said harshly. I sighed.  
“Yeah, okay.” I said, looking longingly at my street as we drove past it. I guess I was in for an awkward, and probably emotionally draining night. Thanks, Mikey.  
  
By the time we got back, it was pretty late, so we all just went to bed. Gerard and I didn’t say a word to each other as we stripped off and slid into bed. He turned away from me and I faced the ceiling. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep until he spoke to me, and I hated the silence.  
“Say something.” I said hoarsely. He groaned and turned over so he was facing me, his face surprisingly peaceful.  
“You know you mean the world to me, right?” he sighed.  
“Then tell me what’s going on. Gee, I need to know.” I said. He nodded slowly and sat up.  
“A while after Mikey went into his coma, I met Bert – the nurse from earlier. He was really supportive and helpful during that time, and we dated. He was wonderful, you know. So kind, and gentle and…I fell pretty hard for him, you know?”  
“You told me you’d never been in love before me.” I whispered. He smiled a little bit.  
“Let me finish, okay?”  
I agreed.  
“So, anyway, I fell for him hard. He was everything I could have ever wanted in a person and more. Kind and funny and smart and – well, you get it. The first time I ever bottomed was for him. I trusted him with my life, and I honestly thought we’d be together forever, you know? Just, I was so in love.”  
“Right.” I said, my eyes filling with tears.  
“Then, about a year into our relationship, something happened.”  
“What?” I asked. He smiled fondly at me.  
“I met you.” He said softly.  
“Why was that significant?”  
“I told you before, didn’t I? I wanted you from the second I saw you. Bert knew something was up because I became distant and I wasn’t interested in him, and I just didn’t want sex. That was it. I just didn’t fucking want it anymore, because, ah, I just wanted you.” He said, embarrassed. It was a weird, yet highly flattering thought that this whole time he wanted me and I only just got with the program recently.  
“Not to mention that I slipped pretty badly into my depression. I mean, fuck, I was a grown man who wanted to fuck a student. I knew it was wrong, and I hated myself for it, and that was the first time I tried to kill myself.” He said simply. My eyes filled with tears.  
“I’m so sorry.” I breathed. He laughed.  
“It’s not your fault. Anyway, Bert made me tell him after that, and when I did, he was…really, really helpful, actually. He suggested that I get help, and was being so kind and soft about it. You know, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough. I started getting back into the drugs and alcohol that I was into before Mikey’s coma, and I fucked a lot of people. He stayed with me through it, but I knew I was killing him, so I left.” He said.  
“But you regret it?” I asked hoarsely. He pursed his lips.  
“No. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, maybe, but no. If I hadn’t, I couldn’t have you.”  
“Wouldn’t you prefer him? I mean, would you leave me for him?” I asked shakily, repeating the question Mikey asked him in the car.  
“If you’d asked me that earlier, I’d have told you I didn’t know. But after seeing him today? No. No, I wouldn’t. You’re everything, Frank. I’m so sorry.” He said, kissing my forehead.  
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” I said weakly. He groaned.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“What is it, Gee? Just tell me, please” I begged.  
“You’ll hate me.” He said, tears slipping down his cheeks.  
“I couldn’t ever hate you. I love you. Please.” I breathed. He pressed his fingers to his neck where the lovebites were fading, and my stomach flipped.  
“T-these. He gave me these.” He breathed. I scooted away from him on instinct and he sighed, defeated.  
“Mikey said-“  
“I know. I didn’t want to hurt you, Frank.”  
“Tell me everything.” I said, leaning against the headboard. He nodded.  
“I was doing better, mentally, but I still missed you. I still sort of carried on being friends with him, because he was always there with Mikey, so I’d already mentioned that we’d split up. Anyway, he asked to meet me in some bar, and I went, and we got pissed. That’s when he kissed me, and I started crying and said that I just wanted to not feel anymore, so he – he fucked me in the bathroom at the bar, in one of the stalls, to make me forget. It wasn’t enough though, so I brought him home and I ended up fucking him on the kitchen floor. I must’ve called him by your name at least three times.” He said, laughing sadly at the end. My breath was shaking and raw. I didn’t want to be here, hearing about this. He looked at me, chewing his lip.  
“I’m so sorry.” He breathed. I sucked in a breath.  
“No. We weren’t together. You can get fucked by who you want, right? I did.” I said, trying to hurt him, but feeling bad when it actually worked. He shook his head and pulled me into his arms, seeming quite relieved when I let him cradle me against him.  
“Do you still love him?” I asked weakly.  
“I don’t think so. Even if I do, I love you so much more. You have to believe me. You’re like an ocean in my lungs, and he’s just a river.”  
“You looked so in love with him today. You looked like he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.” I said softly. He kissed me.  
“Not as beautiful as you, Frank. Never as beautiful as you. He could never have as much of me as you have.” He murmured.  
“I don’t want little pieces of you, Gerard. I want all of you.” I said.  
“You’ve got it.” He whimpered. I crawled on top of him, straddling his legs.  
“No. I want all of you.” I said darkly.  
  
It took him a minute to realize what I meant, and his jaw dropped when he did.  
“F-Frankie. No, not yet.” He said, his hips rolling up despite his words. He was soft, but I could feel him hardening underneath me.  
“Why? It’s not like I haven’t done it before. I haven’t got any innocence for you to take.” I murmured. He winced, but reached up to cup my cheek.  
“Sweetheart, you’ll always be innocent to me. My little angel.” He whispered, claiming my mouth in a kiss that was dirty and sloppy, despite his words. His tongue flicked sinfully into my mouth as his hands gripped my hips. I ground my ass down into his now fully hard cock and he whimpered.  
“I’m so sorry, Frankie. I love you so fucking much.” He breathed, flipping us over so he was on top of me. I gasped and he smirked, kissing me deeply as his hands ran over my cock, lying heavy and full against my stomach.  
“Does your ass still hurt, angel?” he asked, pressing kisses to my jaw. I nodded weakly. He moved so he was lying between my legs and pulled them over his shoulders, kissing my thighs gently, his gentle stubble scraping softly against my skin.  
“Shh, Daddy’s gonna make it all better, okay, angel?” I nodded wordlessly and he smiled, his kisses moving closer towards my ass, before he let his tongue snake out for the first, tentative lick. I whimpered and wiggled down onto him, and he laughed, putting a hand on my hip.  
“It’s okay, sweetheart.” He said, moving his hand from my hip and holding my cheeks apart as he buried his face between my legs. I moaned as he lapped at me, his slick, wet tongue actually providing some much-needed relief from the pain.  
“God, he fucking destroyed you, baby. That little cunt hurt my angel.” He said, and I widened my eyes at his use of the word. Sure, he swore all the time, but this was a first. He looked up at me through his eyelashes.  
“I’ll make it better. Make it like he never touched you.”  
“Please.” I whimpered. He spread my cheeks even further and licked into me, his tongue pushing past the first ring of muscle and I cried out, my hand petting through his hair as he fucked me on his tongue.  
“Taste so good, honey. I’ll never get used to it.” He murmured. I felt a finger running around my entrance and whined desperately, rolling my hips down.  
“So greedy, aren’t you? My innocent little angel is so desperate to get fucked.” He purred, kissing my thigh as he slid his finger into me. I moaned loudly, and Gerard leaned up to kiss me, smiling mischievously.  
“Shhh, you’ll wake up Mikey.” He chuckled.  
“Sorry.” I smiled. He laughed and returned to his place between my legs, sliding a second finger in. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle my moan and he grinned as he fucked me on his fingers. I writhed and moaned at his touch, desperate for more.  
“G-Gerard. More, baby, please. Give me more.”  
“Want my dick, angel? Want Daddy to fuck you?” he asked softly, kissing my neck. I moaned and ground down onto his fingers.  
“Yes, please, Gerard, please. Gee, honey, please.” I whispered. He chewed his lip, his free hand jacking his cock and God that was the sexiest thing ever.  
“Maybe you haven’t noticed, sweetheart, but I’ve got a really, really big cock. Much bigger than that little slut’s.” he smirked. I whined.  
“I know, honey, please. I want it.” I said desperately, not caring that I sounded like a fucking whore. Shit, I was a fucking whore. He smiled.  
“I don’t think you’re ready yet.” He whispered. I was about to protest, when I felt him slip another finger in. Jesus Christ, I had three of his fingers buried in my ass. I’d never felt this full before, and I couldn’t help the loud, jagged moan that escaped my lips. Fuck Mikey, right?  
Gerard was too gone to even notice, his eyes glazed over with pure lust, his pupils so blown that I could barely see any hazel.  
I hadn’t noticed that he’d pulled any lube out, but I couldn’t help but watch as he smeared it on his cock, which, only now that it was about to enter me did I realize was monstrously big. He was going to kill me, and I couldn’t fucking wait. He pressed the blunt tip to my ass and smiled.  
“Please!” I cried out.  
“Tell me what you want.”  
“Fuck me.”  
“Not like that.” He snapped. I moaned and writhed under him. This was torture.  
“Daddy, please. I need your cock so badly. I just want to ride your cock, Daddy, please. Fuck me. Fuck me.” I said, sobbing. He moaned and pushed softly into me. I was overwhelmed with desire and pure fucking love for the man on top of me. I’d wanted this for so long I could barely stand it.  
“Is that okay, Frankie?” he asked softly. I answered him by kissing him, feeling him smile against my lips as he pushed into me. Jesus Christ, he was so fucking big. I felt my eyes roll back as he pushed the last bit into me, easily brushing my prostate and making me yelp in unexpected pleasure.  
“Oh, God, Frank. So, so beautiful. I love you.” He whispered, kissing me. I wrapped my legs around his hips, pushing him even deeper inside me.  
“I love you, too.” I said, feeling tears in my eyes. This was too much, and I loved it. Loved him.  
He held my hips and began to move, his thrusts deep but relatively soft, which, for the time being, I was thankful for. He rested his forehead against mine, his hand cupping my cheek as he fucked into my softly.  
“More, Gee. Please, I can’t stand it. I need more.” I whimpered.  
“I don’t wanna hurt you.”  
“I don’t care if it hurts. Give me all you’ve got.” I said, challenging him. He moaned and buried his face in my shoulder his his thrusts became more erratic and, most importantly, a lot fucking harder. I whined, digging my nails into his back as he pounded into me.  
“Fuck it. Scream for me, sweetheart. Let me hear those pretty little moans.” He said, biting my neck. I let a loud, desperate moan rip out of my chest, followed by several more moans and heavy pants as he abused my tight ass. I wasn’t the only one, though. His groants and cries of “fuck, so tight baby” and “I fucking love you” filled the room, and there was no fucking way Mikey hadn’t heard us. I smiled at the thought and captured his lips in a kiss.  
“How about you cum untouched, sweetheart? Think you can do that for me?” he whispered, the sound of his skin slapping mine almost deafening. I panted and nodded, my fingers digging into the bedsheets as he thrust himself deeply inside me, his tongue and teeth paying way too much attention to my neck and collarbones. I felt my cock twitch and grabbed it as I came, harder than I think I’d ever cum before, coating his already sweat-slicked skin in the white liquid. He moaned and thrust into me one last time, his hips stuttering to a stop as he came, crying out my name and a long list of profanities. Unlike with Cameron, I was happy to feel his juices trickling out of me, coating my thighs. He slid out gently and rolled over next to me, his breath heavy.  
“Marry me, Frank. Just fuckin’ marry me.” He breathed, pulling me into a lazy kiss. I curled my fingers in his jet black hair.  
“Any day, honey. Just take me away from here and we’ll go somewhere and I’ll marry you.”  
“Really?”  
“Jesus, Gerard, yes. Fucking run away with me and marry me.” I whimpered. He laughed.  
“Don’t tempt me.” He sighed, stroking my cheek. I don’t know how long we laid there before falling asleep, Bert and Cameron and all that shit completely forgotten – just me and my love.


	34. Belated presents

Given his track record, I didn’t actually expect Gerard to still be there when I woke up. That’s why I was so surprised when I rolled over and saw him still asleep next to me, his chest rising and falling as air slid out of his parted lips. I rested on my elbow and, as cliché as it sounds, just watched him sleep. He was always beautiful, of course, but there was something about him asleep that was so endearing to me. I brushed his cheekbone gently with the back of my hand and he stirred under my touch. Oops. Figuring he was already waking up, I let my fingers trail down to his strong jawline, my thumb sliding across his full lips, still swollen from the night before. He smiled then, his eyes flickering open.  
“Well, good morning.” He chuckled, biting my thumb playfully. I pulled it away and sighed, running my hand through his hair.  
“Morning.” I said. He stretched and groaned, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me towards him.  
“Mm. Stay here.” He murmured, kissing my neck sleepily. I laughed and kissed the side of his head.  
“I’m not planning on going anywhere.” I sighed, tangling our bare legs under the blanket. He looked up at me, his eyes still bleary from sleep. It was adorable.  
“You okay? Did I hurt you?” he asked softly, his hand cupping my ass. I kissed his nose.  
“No, you were perfect.” I said, stroking his cheek gently.  
“Yeah, that was…unbelievable. God, I still can’t believe it.” He giggled, snuggling his face into my neck, his stubble tickling my skin.  
“You need to shave, honey.” I laughed. He rolled his eyes and rested his head on my chest, trailing his fingers across my smooth skin.   
“I love you.” He said simply. I kissed his head.  
“I love you too.” I replied. He shook his head, sitting up and balancing his weight on one arm.  
“No, I mean like, I really love you. Not just in an ‘I love you’ kind of way, but in a ‘fuck, I really fucking love you’ kind of way. Does that make sense?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. I laughed and kissed his forehead.  
“Not even a little bit. But you’re beautiful so it’s okay.”  
“Ah, I knew you were only with me for my looks.” He teased, sliding back under the covers with me, his arms wrapping around my waist.   
“No, it’s for the bragging rights. I fucked the teacher, and all that.” I joked. He snickered.  
“That makes sense.” He murmured with a small smile, pressing his lips to mine. As much as I wanted to kiss him, I couldn’t deny that my mouth tasted fucking gross.   
“Can I go brush my teeth?” I whispered.  
“Yeah, of course. I think I’ve got a spare toothbrush under the sink.” He said, kissing my jaw. I moved to the edge of the bed with the intention of getting up, but seeing him lying there, all adorable and sleepy made me slide back in. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, and I kissed him.  
“Maybe just a few more minutes.” I sighed.

 

Eventually, though, we did get up and trudged to the kitchen for breakfast. Gerard walked behind me, his hands on my waist, occasionally kissing my neck.   
“Do you guys ever stop?” Mikey groaned from the table and I blushed, remembering that we hadn’t been exactly quiet last night. Gerard chuckled nervously.  
“Sleep well, Mikes?” he asked. Mikey glared at him.  
“Yeah, sure did, _Daddy._ ” He said coldly. Gerard blushed and laughed, scratching the back of his neck.   
“Um. I don’t-“  
“Sorry.” I cut in. Mikey looked just as annoyed with me, though there was a spark of amusement in his eyes.  
“Yeah, whatever _sweetheart._ Y’know, I could have gone my whole life not knowing how tight your ass is, or how big my brother’s dick is.” He said despairingly. I snorted, and Gerard beamed at me, trying to hide his laughter.  
“You didn’t have to listen.” Gerard said in mock annoyance. Mikey widened his eyes, his hands flailing. It was a hilarious sight.  
“Yes I did! You guys were actually louder than my earphones. Jesus, is there any way for me to go back in the coma?” he groaned. Gerard squeezed his shoulders affectionately, winking at me.  
“Aw, c’mon Mikes. It couldn’t have been that bad.” He teased.   
“I heard you and your boyfriend having sex _all fucking night_ , with your weird-ass daddy kink and a running commentary on how big your dick is. So yes, it was that bad.” He shot back. Gerard smiled and kissed his brother on the head.  
“Sorry, Mikes. We’ll keep it down next time.” He said. Mikey rolled his eyes and got to his feet.  
“That’s a lie, but okay.” He said smiling. Gerard took my hand and beamed as Mikey walked out of the room.  
“That was awkward.” He laughed. I chewed my lip, smiling.  
“Think he’s really mad?”  
“Naw, he doesn’t care. He was probably just happy that we weren’t arguing.” He smiled. I sat on the kitchen counter and opened my legs, which he took as an invitation to stand between them, wrapping his arms around my waist.  
“So, what’s happening today?” I asked. He kissed my jaw and hummed in thought.   
“I’m thinking video games, pizza and blowjobs.” He said. I laughed.  
“What are you, 15?” I asked. He pulled me closer and claimed my mouth in a kiss that was mostly teeth from us both smiling like idiots.  
“Are you saying no?”   
“Of course I’m not. I love videogames and pizza.” I said teasingly. He rolled his eyes and kissed me again, before staring at me.  
“What?”  
“I’m thinkin’.”   
“Don’t hurt yourself.” I said, earning myself a playful punch on the arm.  
“Can I confess something?” he said shyly.   
“Anything.”  
“You can’t laugh or anything.”  
“I won’t!” I said. He smiled nervously.  
“Ah, before we uhm, broke up, I ah, got you something for Christmas, and I um, I still have it.” He said, not meeting my gaze. I beamed and kissed him.  
“You’re perfect.” I sighed. He chuckled.  
“I should buy you shit more often.” He laughed. I pouted.  
“Aw, I’m not just with you for that.”   
“Ah, I know. Otherwise you’d be disappointed because I’m broke.” He laughed, helping me jump off the counter. He led me into the living room and sat me down on the sofa, rolling back onto his heels, then forward again onto his toes.  
“Just um, stay here.” He said, running from the room excitedly. I stretched out, waiting with bated breath for him to come back. As much as I didn’t expect it, I found it absolutely adorable that he’d actually gotten me something.   
He returned shortly with two packages – a large, flat one and a very small rectangular one. He gave me the larger one first.   
“Be careful.” He murmured as I tore the paper. I gasped, my hand coming to my mouth, when I saw what it was.

“Jesus, Gee.” I whispered, tears filling my eyes.  
“You like it?” he asked. I nodded, unable to speak. It was a large canvas drawing of me. I was sitting at my desk at school, looking out from the painting, biting my lip and smiling. It looked so lifelike, it was unreal. He’d paid so much attention to every little detail, not missing a single thing.   
“How long did this take?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“A while. I think it’s worth it, though. It’s kinda like you can see what I see when I look at you.”  
“It’s beautiful.”  
“Because you are.” He said, kissing me gently. I locked my arms around his neck.  
“God, I don’t even know what to say.” I laughed. He pulled away and chewed his lip like he was considering something.  
“If I show you something, promise not to be weirded out, okay?” he asked.   
“I won’t be.” I assured him. He leaned the canvas against the wall and shoved the smaller package into his pocket as he left the room. He returned soon, carrying his sketchbook, which he slid over to me.  
“Just, uhm. Sorry.” He laughed. I raised an eyebrow as I opened the book and gasped. It was me, over and over again, drawn in different styles and positions. It was sort of abstract too, with a random page of just my eyes, and another of my lips. I flicked through, being faced with my own likeness on every page.   
“They’re all me.” I whispered, awe-struck. He nodded.  
“Yeah. I guess you’re my muse, huh?” he laughed, but there was a serious tone to it. I stroked his cheek, and he leaned into the touch.  
“You’re a dork.” I smiled he laughed and leaned back, taking his sketchbook from my hands.   
“That’s true.” He sighed. I pursed my lips, raising my eyebrows.  
“Where’s my other present?” I asked, the anticipation growing too much. He laughed and shifted awkwardly.  
“I kinda don’t wanna give it to you.” He admitted.   
“Why?”  
“It might ruin the mood.”  
“It won’t. Please?” I said. He sighed and handed me the box, which I unwrapped. The actual box was pink with darker pink stripes.   
“Am I gonna regret this?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. He nodded enthusiastically and I groaned playfully as I opened the box.  
“Shit, Gee. Is this-“  
“Yeah. Is it okay?”  
“It’s _massive_.” I said, staring at the butt plug that rested on the soft velvet interior of the box. He took a small remote control out of his pocket and waved it, smiling.   
“I told you I’d get you one, didn’t I?” he teased. I laughed and pulled him into a kiss.  
“Are you really gonna make me wear it during class?” I whimpered.   
“Maybe. Or I’ll wear it.” He shrugged. I put it down softly on the table and climbed into his lap, kissing him softly.  
“How did I ever get you? Like, really. I think every student ever has fantasized about fucking their teacher…but how the fuck did I actually do it?” I sighed. He laughed.  
“Because you kept _staring at me_.”  
“Really?” I said. Truth be told, I’d never actually considered the logistics of us getting together until just now.   
“Yeah. I mean, I thought you were hot, and then you just kept staring at me with those big fuckin’ eyes, and you were kinda drooling a little bit, and it was like, fuck, I could probably sleep with this kid.” He laughed.  
“Did you really think that?”  
“I think the exact thought was ‘I wonder if I can get Frank to suck me off’”   
“Oh, thanks.” I snorted. He cupped my cheek and stared adoringly into my eyes.  
“That was before I realized that you have the most beautiful mind I’ve ever come across. I was just looking at your mouth. Which, by the way, I’m still looking at.” He smirked.   
“So, the thigh-rubbing thing. Was that on purpose?” I asked. He chewed his lip.  
“At first? No. I was just thinking about the movie. But then I saw your face and ah, yeah, it became _very_ intentional.”   
“After how long?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled.  
“Maybe like, five minutes?” he said. I groaned.  
“God, was it that obvious?” I asked, smiling slightly.   
“Um. No. Well, yes.” He said. I groaned again, laughing.  
“God. How did you know?”  
“Well. You were staring at me, mouth wide open. And um, you kept looking at my dick and um, you kind of whined. Like, not a full on moan, but like a little desperate noise.”  
“ _God!_ ” I said, burying my head in my hands. He giggled and pulled my hands away.  
“No! It was so _cute._ ” He said, smiling. I pouted and he kissed me.  
“Yeah. Well. Shut up.” I said, turning away from him playfully. He chuckled and wrapped his arms tightly around me, pulling me back onto his chest. I could feel the thick outline of his cock against my lower back, but to my surprise, he didn’t try to grind against me or anything. He just sighed and leaned back, his hand running smoothly through my hair.   
“Can I tell you something?” he asked, his voice thick. I nodded and turned to face him, putting a little bit of space between us.   
“Wanna hear what I used to think about doing to you? Before all of this?” he asked, a small smirk on his face.   
“Yeah.” I breathed. He smiled.  
“I used to think about walking right over to you and shoving your face onto my dick. Not saying a word, just grabbing your hair and forcing my dick into your mouth and fucking your face in front of the whole class. I imagined your breathy little moans and the way you’d gag on me, and beg me with your pretty little eyes to stop. I wouldn’t stop though, I’d just keep fucking your face, watching as you choked on my cock.” He said, his hand sliding down to palm at the thick bulge, now even more prominent, in his pants.   
“What then?” I asked softly, mesmerized by the movement of his hand. He smirked.  
“Then I’d pull out – no, I’d tear your head away from me – and cum on your face. I imagined you being all needy and moany, and just _begging_ me for it. All “yes, sir, cum on my face” and you’d smile a little when I did, not caring that everyone saw how much of a slut you were.” He breathed, undoing the button on his jeans. His eyes flickered up to me and he smiled.  
“Do you wanna watch me?” he whispered. My breath hitched in my throat and I nodded fast. I’d never really seen anyone do this before in person, not really, so I was beyond excited. He undid his button and slid his jeans down. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, so his cock sprung out as soon as the denim passed his thighs. He wrapped a hand around himself and mewled lightly in pleasure.  
“Talk to me, Frankie. Tell me what you want.” He whispered, his eyes shut tight.   
“I’d have let you do it, you know. Even as a fuckin’ kid, I’d have let you fuck me, right in front of everyone. Shit, I’d do it now. Just come over to me, swaying those pretty little hips and shove your cock into my mouth while everyone watches. That’s what you want, isn’t it, Gee? For everyone to watch? For everyone to know I’m yours?”  
“Yes, god, yes.” He panted.   
“S’why you always give me hickies, ‘cause you want to fucking claim me, don’t you? Make me your slut. That’s why you wanna marry me so bad, right? So I can be your little whore forever.”  
“Yes, _fuck, yes_.” He moaned loudly, bucking up into his hand. I smiled, my teeth catching on my lip.  
“I bet you’ll be so good to me, won’t you, Sir? You’ll handcuff me to the bed before you go to work, and come back and fuck me until I can’t walk, cover me in cum. You won’t let me shower though, will you? I’ve gotta stay like that, covered in your cum.”  
“Please, Frankie. Yes, I fucking. God, yes.” He whimpered. I could tell by his breathing that he was close.   
“You’d call your friends up some nights as well, I bet. Let them all watch you fuck me, and you might even let them take turns fucking me too, right? Order me to suck their cocks, just to show off how good your little slut is. I won’t do it as well for them though, ‘cause I’m all yours.” I said, my own cock stirring at the image. Gerard’s eyes flew open in shock, and he looked almost surprised when he came, covering his hand and chest. I threw him a tissue from the box on the table and he cleaned up, looking at me warily. I looked down, worried I’d gone too far. His hand forced my head up.  
“Do you really want that?” he asked softly.   
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not sure exactly what you’re asking.” I said, my voice shaking.   
“To get passed around and fucked by a big bunch of people, y’know, with me initiating it. Would you be into that?” he asked.  
“Uh, maybe. It depends on the situation. Why, would you?” I asked softly. He whined and nodded, biting his lip, and I gasped. That definitely wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.  
“So, uh, what. Like, get fucked by your friends?” I asked, my voice shaking. He pursed his lips.  
“Or Mikey.” He said softly. I gaped at him.  
“Woah. That’s…Gee, I don’t-“ I stammered. He smiled sheepishly and kissed me.  
“Shhh, don’t worry. I was being hypothetical. I wouldn’t make you do that.” He said reassuring me.   
“But you’d want to?” I asked, purely out of curiosity. He shrugged.  
“Maybe. Yeah, I guess I would. I mean, I like watching, you know? Even if it was just you and one other person rather than a big group.”  
“Wouldn’t you get jealous?” I asked, pulling my knees up to my chest. He considered this for a minute, before shaking his head.  
“No, not if I chose who it was, and I knew they’d behave.”  
“Right.” I said, feeling slightly overwhelmed.   
“What?” he asked, smiling. I shook my head.  
“Wouldn’t it be weird, watching Mikey do that?” I said softly. His eyes widened and he laughed.  
“I wouldn’t watch if it was him. I’d just get off knowing you’d done it. I might watch you guys make out or something, though, but I’m really not into seeing my brother naked.” He chuckled.  
“That’s weird.”  
“Uh, yeah. Are you surprised?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I laughed and rested my head on his chest because, shit, he had a point. Gerard was into some really fucking weird shit.   
“I guess I can consider it.” I murmured. Gerard kissed my head.  
“Sure, whatever. I’m cool with whatever you wanna do, sweetheart.” He said, his voice going back to soft and adoring as he combed through my hair. I sighed and kissed his throat.   
“I really love my presents. Especially the canvas. It’s so beautiful.” I murmured. He hummed happily.  
“Good. I wasn’t sure if you’d find it, ah, creepy.” He laughed. I shook my head.  
“Nope, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” I sighed. He entwined our fingers and pulled me up into a soft kiss.   
“Hypothetically...” He said suddenly. I tensed, and he laughed.  
“Calm down.” He said, rubbing my arms. I smiled.  
“Sorry.” I laughed.  
“Hypothetically, if I asked you to marry me, what would you say?”  
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly, knowing he’d appreciate it more. He smiled.  
“But you _could_ say yes?” he asked hopefully.   
“Of course. Why are you asking?” I asked suspiciously. He laughed.  
“I’m just keeping my options open. I wanna know that I can spend the rest of my life with you, if it comes to that.” He whispered into my skin.   
“Well, I don’t think we need to get married to do that.” I laughed. He furrowed his eyebrows and kissed my eyebrow.  
“I’d like to. I’ll wear a fuckin’ big wedding dress and makeup and everything. I’ll be so pretty for you, sweetheart.” He said, smiling at the image, and I couldn’t help but smile too.

“You’re such a romantic.” I sighed, leaning into his touch. He chuckled.  
“I’m not really, I just love you a lot.” He sighed. I kissed him warmly.  
“I love you a lot too.”

 

The rest of our day was spent, as promised, in the company of video games and a large quantity of pizza. Gerard, I learned, was really, really bad at any game that didn’t involve running up to people and smashing them with a sword, which he could do fairly well. As soon as it came to shooting, however, he was dead within seconds, so Mikey and I took care of that part.   
Luckily, Mikey hadn’t heard mine and Gerard’s conversation, but he did look visibly creeped out when Gerard’s eyes flicked between him and I. I wasn’t sure how I felt about his proposition, really. It seemed sort of exciting, but it really depended on who it was with, and how much control Gee had.

 

There was nothing particularly unusual about what we were doing, just sitting and playing video games with Mikey. There wasn’t an issue until there was. It came in the form of Gerard putting his hand softly on the small of my back, like he always did, and rubbing soothing circles into my skin.   
The action itself wasn’t weird – he did it all the time (during class sometimes too), and I should’ve been used to it. For some reason, though, I started crying. I dropped the controller on the floor, and buried my face in my hands, and started fucking sobbing.   
“Babe? Are you okay?” Gerard asked softly, pulling me against his chest, and that only made the tears come faster. I felt Mikey’s hand rubbing my back soothingly, but I could tell he wasn’t sure what he was doing.  
“I-I’m fine.” I said, my voice shaking. Gerard kissed my forehead.   
“Shh, tell me what’s wrong, angel. Do you want Mikey to leave?” he asked gently. I shook my head.  
“No. I don’t know I just feel…I don’t know.”   
“Do you want to go home?” he asked softly. The thought just made my heart sink further, and I clutched him to me.  
“No, please. I don’t want to be away from you.” I whispered.   
“Are you crying because you have to leave?” he guessed.  
“I don’t know. Kind of. I’m just so in love with you, and I’m so comfortable around you, and shit, I don’t know. I just love you.” I sobbed. He smiled.  
“You’re crying because you love me?” he asked slowly. I chewed my lip and laughed despite my tears.  
“Yeah, pretty much.” I said. He smiled softly and leaned in, pressing a warm kiss to my mouth.  
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. I know it’s overwhelming, but it’s okay. I love you too.” He sighed, stroking the side of my cheek.  
“You won’t leave me, right?” I said, voicing insecurities that I didn’t even realize I had. He smiled lopsidedly.  
“Of course I won’t, silly. Why would you even think that? I. Love. You.” He said, excentuating each word with a kiss on my nose. I giggled and wrapped my arms around him, the video game all but forgotten.   
“You guys are so married.” Mikey laughed. I leaned against Gerard, feeling his arms slide around my waist and sighed contentedly.  
“Mm, not yet.” Gerard smiled into my neck, and I blushed. Mikey raised his eyebrows only slightly in surprise before turning his attention back to the game.  
“So, I think you mentioned something about a blowjob earlier?” I murmured in his ear. He chuckled.

 

Before I could even get my bearings, I was being pushed roughly against the bedroom door.   
“God, Gee. I didn’t mean _now_ ” I said, thinking of the way Gerard had half-stuttered an excuse to Mikey as he dragged me upstairs.   
He smiled and pressed a kiss to my neck.  
“Well, unless you’re willing to spend another night with me, we’re running out of time, my love.” He whispered, his hand sliding to my hardening cock. I gasped.  
“Gimme my phone then.” I breathed. He laughed.  
“God, you’re desperate.”   
“If you want me to leave, I can-“ I said, feeling suddenly stupid for taking him seriously. Of course he’d have better things to do than waste another day with me.   
“Well, you don’t have to go just yet. I can still blow you, right?” he asked. I pressed my lips together and nodded, feeling disheartened even as he rubbed me through my jeans.  
“So, I guess you’ll just drop me home after this?” I asked, not really into it anymore, the rejection making my chest heavy.  
“Actually, could you just walk? I have plans tonight.” He said. I felt like the air had been knocked out of me.  
“O-okay.” I stammered. He laughed and kissed me.  
“God, you really don’t think much of me, do you?” he asked, his eyes alight with amusement.  
“Huh?”  
“Of course you can stay, idiot. In fact, I don’t think I could let you leave.” He smiled and I beamed back at him.   
“I didn’t know. I thought that maybe-“  
“Shut _up_.” He moaned, his hand coaxing my cock. I whimpered and rolled my hips against his hand.   
“I really should, ah, call my Mom.” I breathed. He groaned and tossed me my phone from the bed, perching calmly on the edge of it. I called my Mom, praying she’d let me stay another night.   
“Hey Frankie, sweetie. When are you coming home?” she asked brightly.   
“I was gonna ask if I could stay over another night?” I said.   
“Okay, sure. Do you need any clothes?”  
“No, I’m fine.”  
“Okay, love you!”  
“Yeah, you too.” I said, hanging up and giving Gerard a grin. He raised his eyebrows.  
“So, what’d she say?” he asked with a smirk. I answered him by running and jumping on him.   
He laughed, wrapping his arms around me.   
“Good. Now, get on your back so I can blow you, or I think I’m gonna explode.” He said. I rolled my eyes, but let him flip me over.   
“You’re such a romantic.” I said sarcastically. He laughed, smiling wide enough to show off his teeth and my heart squeezed.   
“You know I love you, darlin’. I just love your dick, too.” He said, pouting as he slid my jeans off. I gave a breathy laugh as I felt his hand wrap around me.  
“God, Gee. You’re so pretty.” I murmured, stroking his cheek. He whimpered and licked a stripe on the underside of my cock, and I bucked up into his hands. He kissed my hips as he pumped my dick slowly, his thumb lazily swiping the tip. His eyes were fixed on mine, dark and predatory. It sent a shiver up my spine because, fuck, he could probably kill me if he wanted to.  
My cock twitched at the thought, and I made a mental note to add that to the growing list of kinks I was discovering because of that bastard.  
Of course, that bastard was also currently lying with his face between my legs, so I couldn’t complain. I let out a moan which ended up being a fucked-out grin as he took me smoothly into his mouth. I let my fingers grasp at the pillow behind my head, my body writhing under him as his tongue licked expertly at me, his lips soft as they grazed my skin.   
“P-please, Gee. Let me fuck you, please.” I gasped. He raised his eyebrows and smiled slowly.  
“Later, Frank. We have all night, remember?” he purred, pulling away from me and smiling softly. I whimpered at the loss.  
“Babe-“  
“How about we try out that present, hmm?” he asked softly, pulling the plug from his pocket. Damn, I didn’t even realize he had it. I chewed my lip and nodded, desperate for it now. He slid the cool metal between his lips and I watched as he coated it in saliva, his tongue swirling around it in a way that was reminiscent of the way he’d been sucking my cock only moments before. God, his tongue was absolutely _sinful._ He smirked as he pushed the plug into my ass, still loose from the night before. The metal was cold, and I gasped. Gerard kissed my forehead as it slid it in, and I gasped at how full I felt.   
“God, that looks fuckin’ hot, Frankie.” He moaned, sitting back on his heels to admire his handiwork. I whimpered and wiggled my hips around, gasping as it brushed against my walls. Jesus. I saw him slide the small remote out of his pocket and smirked.  
“Should we play with it a bit, Frankie?” he asked, his voice thick again, like it’d been earlier. I gasped and nodded. He leaned forward and pressed a small, surprisingly sweet kiss to my mouth.  
“You know the word, sweetheart. I’ve heard these can get a bit…intense, so don’t keep going for my sake, okay?” he said, smiling softly. I kissed him again and nodded.  
“Okay.” I murmured. He was still leaning over me when he turned it on, and I gasped and bucked my hips as I felt the cool metal vibrate inside me. It felt like nothing I’d ever felt before, and I was close to cumming completely untouched, and that was just on the low setting.   
“G-gerard, please.” I panted, wiggling my hips.   
“What’s up, sweetheart?”  
“It’s gonna make me cum.” I gasped. He furrowed his eyebrows.  
“Seriously?”  
“Y-yes. It’s so – fuck – so good.” I moaned. He got up from the bed and rummaged around in his drawer, before approaching me with a cockring. I sobbed and tried to shift away from him, but he held my ankle.  
“No, please, just let me cum.” I sobbed, scratching at his shoulders. He looked condescendingly at me.  
“Why should I, baby? Have you earned it?” he asked. I noticed his finger twitch on the remote, and felt the plug vibrate more violently in my ass. Jesus, he was going to actually kill me.  
“N-no. But I need to, please.” I begged, kicking out as he held my thighs down and slid the cockring onto my aching dick. He looked at me with sincerity.  
“Wanna say the word?” he asked softly. I shook my head and he smiled, kissing my forehead. He kissed my thighs softly and I trembled underneath him, so desperate for some release.   
“God, you’re so pretty like that, Frankie. All desperate and shaking.” He whispered. I laughed dryly.  
“I thought you were the pretty one?”  
“Not now, baby. Now it’s all you.” He said, biting my thigh lightly. I squirmed underneath him.  
He pushed a button on the remote, and if I could have cum, I would have. Pure pleasure shot through me, followed by the ache of desperation and intensity that made tears swell in my eyes.   
“Baby, it hurts. I need to cum, please.” I whined, tears falling down my cheeks.  
“Mm, no. You’re so hot like this, honey. Can’t let you cum yet.” He whispered, pushing the button again.  
It was too much, then. The pleasure coursing through me was far, far too intense. Add to that the sensitivity of my cock as it pulsed in the ring, and I was just in a lot of pain. I started crying desperately, needing some release so badly that it was actually hurting me. I couldn’t do this anymore.   
“End.” I gasped.   
  
The plug was out of me and on the floor before I knew what was happening, and his long fingers fumbled with the ring before casting that aside too. I felt warmth spread through me at how attentive he was as he pulled me lovingly into his arms, cradling me and sweeping my hair away from my eyes.  
“Shh, angel, it’s okay. Are you alright?” he asked, pressing gentle kisses to my temples. I nodded.  
“Yeah, it just…hurt. Too much. Too soon.” I breathed. He nodded slowly and kissed me gently.   
“Sorry, I got carried away.” He said sheepishly. I laughed and traced his collarbones with my fingertips, making him sigh happily underneath me.  
“You do that a lot. I don’t mind, though.” I said. He wrapped his arms around me more tightly, his fingertips grazing the skin under my shirt.   
“Mmhm. You’re pretty.” He said.  
“Not as pretty as you, princess.” I laughed. He squealed happily underneath me and kissed my head.  
“I _love_ that. Princess. Nobody’s called me that before.” He laughed. I raised an eyebrow.  
“I find that hard to believe.” I teased. He sighed and rested his chin on my shoulder.  
“Say it again.” He murmured.  
“I love you, princess.” I smiled. He kissed my still grinning mouth, meeting me with a smile of his own.  
“And I love you.”

 

We didn’t fuck that night. I wasn’t up for it after my buttplug related abuse, and Gerard was happy to respect that. We just laid there, naked, under the covers, touching eachother softly. I don’t mean that we were _touching_ each other, either. We were just letting our fingers gently wander across the expanses of the other’s skin. My fingers sailed across his hips as his slid down my smooth arms. He’d stop occasionally to kiss me, and I’d return it with a smile.  
“So beautiful, Frankie. You’ll stay beautiful for me, won’t you?” he smiled.  
“If I can.” I sighed. He pulled me sleepily into his arms and kissed me lazily on the head.  
“Nah, you’ll always be gorgeous. Guys like you never get old.” He murmured, pressing a final goodnight kiss on my shoulder as I wiggled back into his waiting arms.  
I fell asleep to the sound of his chest rising and falling as he breathed, and the feeling of his warm, familiar arms wrapped around my stomach as his body curled around me.   
He was perfect, and so was this.


	35. Part of the family

You can only imagine my panic when I woke up to the sound of Gerard and Mikey talking, considering what happened last time. Thankfully, though, their voices were soft and even, and Gerard was stroking my hair gently. Still, I feigned sleep again.  
“I’ve been sober for like, three years.” Mikey teased in response to something Gerard had said. I felt the rumble of his laughter.  
“That doesn’t count.”  
“Well, I’m still sober, aren’t I?”  
“That’s true. I’m proud of you.” Gerard replied. The bed shifted, and I assumed it was because Mikey sat down.  
“You should get help.”  
“I _did_ get help, remember?” Gerard sighed.  
“No, I mean, for the alcohol and the, uh, drugs.” He said, sounding almost anxious. Gerard stiffened.  
“I’m not doing drugs.”  
“Yes you are.”  
“Dude, really, I’m not. I’ll talk to someone about the drinking, okay?” he said, his voice a bit too high. Mikey sighed.  
“I thought you were happy, dude.” he said. I felt pain shoot through my chest as I waited for Gerard’s response. He kissed me on the top of the head, and I felt him smile.  
“Mm. I am.”  
“Because of Frank?”  
“And you. Both of you – you’re all I need.” He sighed, his fingers returning to their movements through my hair.  
“Do you really wanna marry him?” Mikey asked hesitantly.  
“Yes. God, yes. Mikey, he’s perfect. Shit, just look at him.” He said, lowering his voice a bit.  
“Do you think he would?”  
“I…no. Not really. He says so, but I think he’s a bit weird about it. That’s fine, I’ll wait.” He murmured, and I felt my stomach sink. He didn’t think I’d marry him, even after I told him I would? That was so dumb I wanted to wake up and kick him. But of course, that would be even more dumb, so I stayed still.  
“God, I’ve never seen you love anything so much.” Mikey laughed.  
“Mm. That’s because I haven’t. Except you, of course, but, uh-“  
“Yeah. Different kind.” Mikey laughed. Gerard chuckled and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  
“Mmm. Wake up, darling.” He said gently, shaking me slightly. I let my eyelids flutter open and stretched.  
“Wh-why?” I groaned, acting like I’d been asleep the whole time.  
“I’ve got work to do, sweetheart.” He sighed. I shook my head and latched my fingers around his neck.  
“Nope. Staying here.” I said stubbornly.  
“Aw, c’mon.” he groaned, trying to unlatch me.  
“Nope. Sorry. Not happening.”  
“If I can’t mark the essays, you can’t pass English, and then you can’t graduate.” He said. I raised my eyebrows and grinned.  
“It’s a bit late to threaten me with that, right? Anyway, it’s not even my class’ work you’re marking, dumbass.”  
Mikey laughed, and Gerard shot him a look, then turned back to me.  
“If you don’t let me up, I’ll tell your Mom really bad things about you next week.” He smiled. I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“Huh?”  
“Parent-Teacher interviews. Dumbass.” He said, using my shock to dump me off of him.  
“Oh shit no I forgot.” I gasped. He laughed as he kissed me gently.  
“Well, you’d better behave then.” He said, kissing me quickly again before sweeping out of the room. I groaned and fell back onto the bed and Mikey laughed.  
“I literally cannot imagine being in a more awkward situation than the one you’re in right now, dude.” he chuckled.  
“Yeah, it’s not great.” I sighed. He flopped down next to me and looked up at the ceiling.  
“You know the first thing he ever said to me about you?” Mikey smiled.  
“Hm?”  
“He came to see me in the hospital one day, and he said ‘Mikes, there’s this kid in my class with gorgeous eyes and an ass that you would not believe’.” Mikey recalled, laughing. He turned to me.  
“If I’d been awake, I’d have told him to stay the fuck away. Lucky I wasn’t, right?” he chuckled.  
“So you don’t mind us? I never really asked.”  
“It was weird at first, I’ll be honest. Especially when I heard your voice, it was just…weird. I mean, my brother dating some kid? That’s not normal. But I’ve never seen him more in love before, and you make him happy, despite everything. And that guy, Bert, was an asshole. So yeah, I don’t mind.”  
“But you’ll kill me if I hurt him?” I guessed with a smile.  
“Actually, no. I’m sort of expecting you to.” He said weakly. I sat up a bit in shock.  
“Why would I hurt him? I mean, I know I already have, but-“  
“Because you’re a horny, fairly attractive 18 year old dude. You’re not gonna want to stick around with him for the rest of your life.”  
“Yes I will.” I said softly. He raised an eyebrow.  
“Okay, so in. 5 years? 10? When he’s not attractive anymore, and he has wrinkles and god knows what else? You’re gonna want him then?” Mikey asked.  
“Yes, of course.” I said, feeling angry at his assumption. How fucking dare he? Mikey pressed his lips together and nodded.  
“Sorry, you’re right. I didn’t mean that. I just worry, you know? He’s kind of all I’ve got.”  
“Yeah, I know. I love him, though.” I said softly. He smiled.  
“I know you do. You two look at each other like you’ve found the answer to every question ever inside each other. It’s sickening.” He teased. I laughed and rose to my feet, helping Mikey up, too.  
“That’s quite an analysis. Wanna go bug Gerard?” I said, grinning. He beamed.  
“I thought you’d never ask.”  
  
Five minutes, a lot of giggling and a spilled coffee later, and Gerard was sitting with me on his lap, and Mikey with his legs over both of us, Gerard’s marking long since forgotten. He ran his hand up and down my spine absent-mindedly.  
“You guys suck.” He said for the thousandth time, taking his glasses off.  
“You love us.” Mikey sighed, stretching his leg out and almost hitting me in the balls.  
“Watch your foot.” I said, flicking his leg. He pushed his leg out again, actually hitting me this time. I doubled over and flicked him the finger.  
“Asshole.” I spat.  
“I didn’t tell you to sit there.” He teased.  
“Uh, well, if that’s where your brother’s dick is, you know I’m gonna be sitting there.” I retorted, earning myself a kick in the leg.  
“That’s so gross, oh my god.” Mikey laughed.  
“You’re gross.” I said.  
“Are you sure it’s not you two who are brothers?” Gerard laughed. Mikey rolled his eyes, resting his legs on me again – thankfully, a little further away from my balls this time. Gerard, apparently without even thinking, slid a hand between my thighs and started massaging where Mikey had hit me. I whimpered lightly and he kissed my neck, his other arm curling around my waist.  
“Um, I’m still here.” Mikey said, covering his eyes. Gerard chuckled and moved his hand, blushing furiously.  
“Ah, sorry. I didn’t-“  
“So gross.” Mikey said, but he was grinning.  
“Since I’m not allowed to do any work, what did you two wanna do?” Gerard asked.  
“I don’t know. Maybe a movie marathon?” Mikey suggested, and I nodded in agreement.  
“Don’t you two ever wanna go outside?” Gerard groaned, shifting me off his lap so he could go to his collection of movies.  
“Um, well, yes, but _someone_ started fucking one of their students, so we can’t for another like, four months.” Mikey said, giving me a significant look. I nodded in solemn agreement.  
“It’s true, Gerard. This is all because of your weakness for younger men.”  
“You really brought it on yourself.” Mikey said, and I nodded. I didn’t see the pillow that was launched at me until it hit me in the face.  
“I think I may have preferred it before you two met.” Gerard grumbled, smiling as he slid a movie into the player.  
“Gerard, I swear to God, if you’re making us watch Watchmen again, I will kill you and Frank will help.” He said, without even looking up. Lo and behold, only moments later, the title screen for Watchmen flashed up, and Mikey groaned.  
“C’mon dude. You’ve seen this what, a billion times?” he said.  
“A billion and three.” I corrected. Mikey snorted. Gerard wiggled in next to me, wrapping an arm around me and pouted.  
“Stop ganging up on me.” He said softly. I laughed and kissed him.  
“Aw, you know I don’t mean it, honey.” I said, holding his hand.  
“I do!” Mikey called, earning a controller being thrown at his head.  
“You could put me back in my coma if you do that, asshole.” He grumbled.  
“Good, maybe you’ll shut up then.” Gerard replied, pulling me onto his lap. Mikey tapped me on the leg and leaned in.  
“He’s upset because I used to do this when we were kids, literally all the time. He’d bring friends over, and I’d make them start liking me instead, and then we’d bully him.” He laughed.  
“It’s true. He used to steal everyone away from me.” Gerard sighed in mock despair.  
“It’s okay, Gee, I don’t have a strong desire to fuck Mikey, so I think you’re okay.” I giggled. He mumbled something that sounded like “what a shame”, and smirked. I pressed my lips together and laid my head on his shoulder, trying to ignore the implications of what he said. Not that I wasn’t excited about it, because honestly, the thought made me pretty crazy. It was just awkward to be considering it with Mikey lying _right there._  
  
A little while later, we all stood in the kitchen because Gerard offered to make us dinner, and Mikey laughed.  
“What?” he asked, offended.  
“Dude, you can’t cook.”  
“Yes I can!” he protested.  
“No you can’t. That’s why we get take out every night.”  
“Shut up, Mikey, you took a three year long nap, you don’t know shit.” Gerard laughed, and I couldn’t help but snort. Gerard beamed at me.  
“See, Frank thinks I’m funny.” He smiled. Mikey rolled his eyes.  
“Because Frank wants to have sex with you. He’d probably laugh at a cup if it meant he could do you.” Mikey sighed. I shrugged and nodded.  
“Yeah, actually, that’s pretty accurate.” I smiled. Gerard ran a hand through his hair.  
“Fine, Mikes, take my card and run out and grab us something, then.” He said, shoving the card into his hand.  
“Can I get you ladies anything else while I’m out? Tampons? Lipstick? Condoms?”  
“I’ll point out that we’ve never used two out of three of those things.” Gerard said firmly. I laughed.  
“Yeah. Why would we use condoms, it’s not like we can get pregnant. Hence why we don’t use tampons either.” I teased, and Gerard choked on the water he was drinking. Mikey wrinkled his nose.  
“That’s gross. So gross. I don’t even want to know.” He said, backing towards the door. Gerard shrugged.  
“Whatever.” He said, winking at me.  
“But out of curiosity, who wore the lipstick?” Mikey asked. I looked down, smirking.  
“None of your damn business.” Gerard snapped.  
“It was Gerard, wasn’t it?”  
“I’m not saying anything.” I said, nodding. Mikey snorted and, finally, left.  
Gerard groaned lightly and walked towards me, sitting on the floor between my legs.  
“You’re so mean to me.” He sighed. I kissed his head gently, my fingers sliding down his jaw and onto his neck.  
“Sorry, baby, I’m just messing. You know I love you.” I sighed. He turned so he was facing me, still on his knees between my legs. I tried not to get excited by that.  
“How much?” he asked. I cupped his cheek and smiled softly.  
“A lot.”  
“How much is a lot?”  
“Gee!”  
“What?”  
“I don’t know. More than I love dogs, or cake, or tattoos.”  
“That sounds like a lot.”  
“It is. Now shut up and kiss me.” I said. He chuckled and leaned up, pressing his soft mouth against mine. As much as I adored Mikey, it was nice to have a minute to ourselves. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, my hands snaking around his neck.  
“God, I love you. I love you so fucking much.” He murmured. I let my head fall back as he kissed my throat.  
“I love you, too.” I whispered, letting him slide me off the chair so I was straddling his knees on the floor. He held me up with one arm as he shifted underneath me, his legs now lying straight out, his back leaning against the table.  
“Wanna smoke?” he asked, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. I nodded and he passed me the pack, lighting up his own cigarette, then mine. He sucked on the cigarette, his cheeks hollowing out.  
“You smoke like a girl.” I pointed out. He smiled as the smoke billowed out from his lips.  
“I fuck like a girl too, so that’s not really a shocking observation.” He chuckled.  
“C’mere.” I said, shifting forward and kissing deeply, his mouth strong with the taste of nicotine. He pulled away to take another pull, and then leaned back in to kiss me, blowing the smoke out into my mouth. It nearly choked me, but it felt oddly intimate. I sucked it deep into my lungs.  
He pulled back from me and rested against the table, his cigarette dangling from his lips.  
“You’re so beautiful when you smoke.” He sighed. I laughed a little.  
“Yeah, lung cancer is beautiful.” I said, rolling my eyes. He chuckled and took a long, deep pull on the cigarette, looking up, like he was thinking, but he didn’t speak. To grab his attention, and to stop him from looking so fucking pensive, I grabbed his cigarette and pulled it out of his mouth, extinguishing both his and mine on the floor near my foot. He gaped at me.  
“I was smoking that!” he protested. I chuckled and kissed him softly.  
“I can think of better things to do with our mouths.” I murmured. He smiled softly and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling my closer, one of his hands holding the back of my neck, his fingers playing delicately with the hair there.  
“Why are you thinking so hard?” I asked him between kisses.  
“I find myself a little bit overwhelmed by you.” He murmured.  
“How so?” I asked. He shook his head and kissed me again, his tongue slipping past my lips, licking into my mouth. I sucked in a shuddering breath and pushed him back against the table, biting down on his lip.  
“I can’t wait until I get to spend every damn day with you.” I growled. He laughed lightly.  
“Mm.”  
I sighed and sat back.  
“I think you think that I don’t want to marry you.” I said simply.  
“I wouldn’t want to marry me.”  
“Well, luckily you’re not going to. I am.  
“But you’re so young.” He said, pushing some hair away from my eyes.  
“Yeah, so? I don’t care how young I am, _I want you._ ”  
“For now.  
“For always.” I said, holding his face in my hands and kissing him softly.  
“It’s a moot point now, anyway. I’ve still got four months to kill before we get to that point.” He sighed. I rested my forehead against his and smiled. Maybe I’d have said something beautifully, profoundly romantic had Mikey not chosen that moment to barge in, his hands full of takeaway bags.  
“Are you guys fucking down there?” he asked, averting his eyes. Gerard and I rolled our eyes and he pulled me down into another kiss, figuring that if Mikey wanted to know, he’d have to check for himself. We were a bit too busy to reply.


	36. Unconventional as fuck

Every single kid in the damn school was getting freaked out about the parent-teacher interviews, and was, annoyingly, acting super nice in all of their lessons. Normally, I’d have joined them, but I figured I didn’t have much to worry about in most of my lessons, ‘cause I never really caused any problems (though, I never did a lot of work either).   
I did, however, have to suck up (sometimes literally) to Gerard, who had nicknamed this week “blackmail my Frankie week”. Literally, he’d written it on his calendar, and I wished I could say I was joking.   
He started off easy, asking me to pick him up coffee on the way to school, or if I could pick up dinner on my way to his place after school. I did it with a smile because I didn’t doubt for a second that he really would tell my Mom about all the stuff he said he would (though some of them I didn’t even remember doing)  
“One time you called me a prick, so you should come over and suck me off after school.” He said casually as I was leaving class. I snorted.  
“I called you a prick all the time. Actually, I still do.”   
“Well, I might have to tell your Mom.” He said, shrugging. I chuckled.  
“That’s literally blackmail, Gee.” I said, leaning against his desk. Gerard shrugged.  
“It’s fun. And it’s not like I’m not blackmailing everyone else.” He pointed out.  
That was true, at least. He definitely liked the attention he was getting from everyone as they tried to get in his good books. In fact, I didn’t think it was possible for the girls to get wetter over him than they already did.   
“You’re not asking them to suck you off, are you?” I accused.  
“I could.”  
“You could, yes. But don’t.” I laughed. He tilted his head.  
“Why not? If you’re not gonna do it-“  
“Don’t even finish that.” I sighed. He smiled apologetically.   
“It’s only fun, Frankie. You know I’m gonna tell your Mom how wonderful you are.” He said, smiling. I groaned.  
“No, don’t do that. Be honest.” I insisted.  
“I am gonna be honest.”  
“No, you’re going to be biased.” I accused. He sat back in his chair and shook his head, smiling.   
“Sorry, would you like me to stop being in love with you?” he asked, his voice practically dripping with sarcasm.   
“Yes, actually, I think that’d be helpful.” I sneered. He chuckled.   
“How about you stop being adorable, and I’ll give it a try.” He smiled. I rolled my eyes and leaned over his desk so he could kiss me.   
“You coming over tonight?”   
“Nah, I have other classes and other teachers, _Mr. Way_ ” I said teasingly.  
“Yes, but you’re not fucking them. Right?” he laughed. I shrugged.  
“I don’t know, maybe I am.” I said with a wink.   
“You know I fucked the nurse once, right?” he said suddenly. I laughed, putting a hand over my mouth and pulling a chair up to his desk.   
“No!”  
“Yeah. God, that was a nightmare.” He laughed.   
“Actually, yeah, she said something that suggested she had some…hard feelings. What happened?” I asked, leaning forward. He shook his head.  
“Nuh uh, sweetheart, you’re already late. I’ll tell you another time, kay?” he said.  
  
“Fine. I’ll call you tonight.”   
“’Kay, love you.” He said, leaning forward and giving me a quick peck on the lips.  
“Mhm, love you too.” I replied, squeezing his hand as I walked out the door. I got outside and leaned against the wall, smiling like an idiot. We were so comfortable with each other, it made my heart hurt. Despite what that fucker thought, I couldn’t wait to be his.

 

I stumbled in late to Geography, and Chris gave me a knowing look. Shut up, Chris.   
“Mr. Iero, why are you late. Again.” My teacher sighed.  
“I was talking to my English teacher about my work. Sorry.” I said, rushing to my seat.   
“Really?” she asked suspiciously. I nodded.  
“Yeah, just ask him.” I said. She gave me a hard look, turning back to the board.   
Chris snickered at me as I sat down.  
“Dude. So smart.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes.  
“I _was_ talking to him.” I insisted.

“I bet it wasn’t about the work though, was it?” he said, raising his eyebrows. I groaned.  
“God, I regret telling you.”  
“You didn’t. I guessed because I’m smart, remember.”   
“No, I don’t remember you being smart. Ever.” I laughed. He rolled his eyes at me and turned his attention back to the front. Bored, I pulled out my ‘Gee-phone’.  


**TO: Gee.**

**(1:49pm)**

Wanna accidentally bump into me at the coffee shop at lunch? Xx

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(1:51pm)**

Ok. Be subtle. Xx

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(1:53pm)**

I’ll bring Chris so nobody suspects. Xx

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(1:55pm)**

Ok. Am I paying? Xx

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(1:57pm)**

Naturally. Xx

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(1:02pm)**

You owe me, Iero.   
Talk later! <3 xx

 

“Chris!” I hissed. He looked up, visibly annoyed that I’d interrupted his work.  
“What?” he hissed back. I beamed.   
“Wanna come to the coffee shop at lunch?” I asked, grinning. He rolled his eyes.  
“Does this have anything to do with your boyfriend?”  
“No! But also yes.” I said, blushing. He shook his head and smiled.  
“Kay. Only ‘cause you two are adorable. Does he know I know?”  
“Um. I haven’t said anything, but I think he assumes.” I said. That wasn’t strictly true, of course. Gerard definitely did know, because I definitely did tell him, and he definitely did get angry at me for it – but I didn’t want Chris to feel bad.   
“Oh. I won’t say anything then.”  
“Nah, don’t worry. He kind of makes it obvious.” I laughed.   
“You’re telling me. God, he looks at you like – I don’t even know. It’s just…weird.”  
“Weird bad?”  
“Weird like, intense. I guess it’s probably nice for you, though. He definitely likes you.”  
“Just likes?” I said, smiling. He chuckled and turned back to the board, and I let him, feeling bad for having kept him away from his precious geography, and assured in the fact that he’d be coming with me to meet Gerard. I wondered vaguely what their interaction would be like. I mean, sure, they’d spoken plenty of times in class, but it’s different approaching someone when they’re your teacher, and when they’re your best friend’s kind of boyfriend and sort of soul-mate thing. Oh, and they’re still you’re teacher.

 

The weather was getting warmer, but it was still kinda cold outside.   
“So how are we doing this?” Chris said, narrowing his eyes. I chuckled.  
“We go in, we order our drinks, we sit down.” I said. His face fell – obviously, he’d been expecting some big mission impossible thing.   
“Oh. Then how do we get Mr. Sexy Way to come sit with us?” he asked, and I rolled my eyes at the nickname.   
“He’ll find a way to do it.” I chuckled, holding the door open for him.  
“So we don’t have to do anything?” he said, clearly disappointed.  
“No. I mean, we have to stagger it so he comes in 5 minutes after us, but other than that, no.” I laughed. We ordered our drinks and sat down in the corner on the soft sofas. Chris brought his work out onto the table, and I raised my eyebrows.  
“What? I gotta catch up, dude. Parent-teacher interviews this week!” he cried. I laughed.  
“Yeah, I know. G-Mr. Way won’t let me forget.” I murmured. Chris made a face.  
“Do I even want to know?”  
“No, probably not.” I sighed. We sat silently drinking our drinks for a moment before he said anything.  
“Is it weird? Like, do you ever look at him while you’re doing – whatever it is you do – and just think ‘hey, you’re my teacher!’”   
“Um. Not really. I sort of see him as him, and the lines kind of blur into one. Like, I don’t separate him.”  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”  
“It’s kind of weird.”  
“Yeah, kind of. I like it, though.” I smiled.   
“Hello, boys.” Came Gerard’s cool voice. I smiled at him politely.   
“Hey.” I said, feeling myself blush. I think he’d probably have been more ceremonious if there’d been people around us, but we were tucked away in the corner behind a wall, and it was unlikely anyone was really looking at us (not that they’d be able to see us if they could), so he just sat down on the sofa next to me, putting his drink on the table.   
“Hey love.” He said, once he was hidden from view, and leaned in to kiss me quickly on the cheek. I entwined our fingers under the table, checking that there was no way anyone could see. Gerard gave Chris a pleasant smile.  
“Hey, Chris. How are you doing?” he asked politely.  
“Yeah. Fine.” He said, staring at us like we’d just grown horns. Hell, maybe we had.   
“So what were you talking about?” Gerard said, a little awkwardly.   
“You, actually.” I said. He raised an eyebrow and laughed.  
“Does he do that a lot?” He asked, directing the question at Chris. Chris laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, all the time.”  
“No wonder everyone keeps finding out.” Gerard murmured curtly, taking a sip of his coffee.  
“Or because of your shameless flirting.” I retorted. He chuckled.  
“Yeah, maybe.” He grinned.   
“Chris, what made you realize that something was going down?” I asked pointedly.   
“Yeah, Mr. Way, you kind of flirt a lot. And you sort of stare at each other all the time. It’s pretty weird.” Chris admitted.   
“See, it’s your fault.” I teased. Gerard rolled his eyes and took another drink of coffee, his thumb rubbing my hand softly.   
“So, uh, parent-teacher interviews…” Chris said softly, and Gerard nearly spit out his coffee from laughing. He smiled at him, amused.  
“Worried?”  
“What? No. I mean, um. Yes?” he said. Gerard shifted so his arm was resting _sort of_ casually behind me, his hand pressing against my hip. If anyone walked past, it’d be easy enough to move it.   
“Don’t be. You’re not one of the kids who needs to worry.” He smiled.  
“Who is?” I asked out of pure interest.   
“Cameron.” Chris said under his breath. Gerard gave a snort of laughter, and even I couldn’t help but crack a smile.  
“Yeah, I uh, don’t know what I’m gonna do with that one. Y’know “yes hello, your son is doing well in my class, and he’s well-behaved, but I fucking hate him because he fucked the love of my life who just happens to be a student also.” Somehow I don’t see that going down well.” He laughed.   
“Maybe miss out that part.” I said, nudging him with my leg.   
“What are you gonna say to Frank’s Mom?” Chris asked, his eyes alight with amusement. Gerard beamed.  
“I don’t know yet. I could talk about his actual progress in my class, or I could confess my undying love. It’s a toss up, really.”  
“Prick.” I mumbled. He squeezed my hip.  
“You don’t want me to tell your Mom that you keep swearing at me, do you?”  
“ _I’m_ not the one who swears.” I said, raising an eyebrow. Chris cleared his voice and we smiled sheepishly at him.  
“Sorry, we’re not used to, uh, an audience.” Gerard said awkwardly. Chris smiled.  
“It’s fine. You guys are sort of adorable.” He said, smiling softly. Gerard bit his lip and buried his face in my shoulder.  
“You embarrassed him.” I told Chris as an explanation.  
“Fuck off, Frank.” Gerard mumbled, and I laughed, leaning back into him.   
“You need to go, love.” I said, nudging his head up from my shoulder.  
“Huh?”  
“You have to go back to school ten minutes before we do, so you should go now.” I explained. He looked at the time and sighed.  
“M’kay. I’ll call you later. Nice talking to you, Chris.” He said, climbing out of the seated area.   
“Yeah, you too.” Chris smiled.  
“Bye, sweetheart.” He said, kissing me quickly and walking out of the shop like nothing happened. I turned back to talk to Chris, and saw him staring at me.  
“What?”  
“That was surreal.”   
“Why?”  
“I don’t know. It just looked like, okay, so you two are this totally adorable couple who are clearly crazy about each other and you’re just so damn comfortable together, and it’s really amazing. But he’s your teacher and your relationship is illegal, and therefore immoral, and it sucks shit.”  
“I’m not really following.” I admitted.   
“You two are, in society’s eyes, completely wrong because of your ages or whatever, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay. But what I just saw wasn’t wrong at all. Frank, that was fucking _love._ The purest love I think I’ve ever seen.”  
“Ah, pure?”  
“Ew, dude, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…don’t let them tear you apart, okay? You guys have something there.” He said, finishing his drink. I pursed my lips and smiled.  
“Thanks, Chris. That actually makes me feel a lot better.”  
“Tell him I said that, okay? He’s not wrong, he’s so fucking right.”   
“Do you think it bothers him?”  
“Um. Yes? Wouldn’t it bother you?” he asked. I shrugged. Honestly, I’d never thought about it.   
“I guess. Damn, I guess we need to talk then.” I murmured.   
“Dude, did I just save your relationship?” he asked, grinning.  
“Uh, maybe? If I say yes will you buy me another coffee?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay, then yeah, you did. Thanks.” I chuckled.

 

 

“So, ah, do you think your Mom will like me?” Gerard asked. It was the night before the interview, and I was sitting in my bedroom on the phone to him, as I was most nights. The question sort of came out of the blue.  
“Um, I don’t know? Does it matter?”  
“Yes! It matters a lot.” He groaned. I giggled.  
“Why?”  
“Because like, I’m meeting your _Mom._ ”   
“Yeah, and you’ve met her before.” I reminded him. He sighed.  
“Yes, but not as your boyfriend, have I? It’s different rules.”   
“Well, Gee, strictly speaking, she doesn’t actually know. And you’re older than her. And my teacher. I think that changes the rules.”   
“Wait, I’m older than your Mom?”  
“Yeah, she had me young.” I explained.  
“God that just makes it worse. What if she doesn’t like me?”  
“Then it doesn’t matter? You’re overthinking this, honey. She doesn’t know, remember? She’s not going to be judging you as my boyfriend, she’s gonna be listening to you sing my praises.” I laughed.  
“What did she say about me when she met me last year?” he asked, apparently ignoring everything I’d said.  
“Nothing. Or the year before. She literally doesn’t care.” I sighed.   
“Make a point of asking her. It’s important.”  
“I don’t see why.”  
“Because, if I’m gonna be spending the rest of my life with her son, it’s pretty important that she likes me.” He explained.  
“Is Mikey there?”  
“Um, yeah, somewhere. Why?”  
“Can you tell him to slap you for me?” I laughed. He groaned.   
“I’m serious, Frank!”  
“So am I. You’re being dumb for the following reasons: one, my mother literally doesn’t care, Gerard. She doesn’t know we’re dating, so she won’t be judging you. Two, when she does find out, she’ll beat your ass either way, so it doesn’t matter how much she likes you, and three, you’re perfect. She’ll love you. Idiot.”   
“Why is she gonna beat me?” he asked, and I groaned.  
“You’re insufferable.”  
“That’s what Mikey said.”  
“I agree with him. Again.” I said. He sighed.  
“You promise it’ll be okay?”  
“Yes, I promise. She’s gonna think you’re awesome right up until she finds out you’ve been screwing her son.”   
“Well, that’s comforting.” He muttered.  
“I’m gonna go to bed, okay? Please stop worrying, I love you.”  
“Why does that mean I should stop worrying?” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I considered this for a moment.   
“Because I love you, so I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you. If she doesn’t like you, for whatever dumb reason ‘cause honestly baby, you’re the greatest, then I’ll spew out good things about you until she changes her mind. You don’t even need to be nervous because you’re amazing. Okay?”  
“Ugh, okay. God, you’re cute.”  
“I know. You’re lucky.”  
“Mm. I am.”  
“I wish I was with you. I hate not being able to sleep with you.”  
“I know. God, this is so stupid.”   
“What?”  
“This whole fucking thing.”  
“Our relationship?” I asked quietly.   
“Yeah. It’s shit.” He snapped.   
“Oh.” I said weakly, feeling my stomach drop. Well, that hurt. He sucked in a breath.  
“It is though. I can’t do anything with you. I mean, yeah, we can go get coffee if we stagger it and hide behind a wall. I can meet your Mom, if it’s under false pretences. You can hang out with me, as long as we don’t leave the house. It’s bullshit, you know?”  
“I’m doing my best.” I mumbled.  
“You shouldn’t have to. It shouldn’t be this hard.” He cried. I was beginning to regret the turn in conversation.   
“Well, it is, by definition.” I laughed dryly.  
“Fuck that.”   
“It’s worth it though, right?”  
“I don’t know. Is it?”   
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Nothing, I don’t know. It just seems like we’re making this harder than it needs to be.”  
“Whatever. I’m going to bed.” I snapped. I wasn’t even sad anymore, I was just pissed off. Not only was he insulting me, he was too ignorant to see that it was bothering me that he was putting down the one thing that actually meant something to me.   
“What?”  
“You’re kind of being an asshole.”  
“No I’m not.” He said defiantly.  
“You literally are, and I’m bored of it. I’m going to bed.”   
“C’mon Frank, don’t be like that.”  
“I literally don’t care, Gerard. Stop being such a fucking child. You’re the one who wanted this. I wanted to fuck you like, once, but you wanted a fucking relationship, so how about you fucking deal with it, or end it. I don’t even give a shit.” I growled. Okay, so none of that was even remotely true, but I knew it’d get his attention.  
“God, you’re blowing this out of proportion. I just miss you, and I hate how careful we have to be. Besides, I think you’ll find that _you_ started it. I had things under control for two years, so how about you stop blaming me for everything?”   
“How about you go fuck yourself.”  
“Frank-“  
“Just piss off.” I snapped, hanging up. I was almost shaking with rage as I slid under my covers, shifting the duvet up so it was covering most of my head. It was uncommon for me to actually lose my temper with him, but he was being a child, and he was too ignorant and selfish to see it. Of course our relationship was going to be difficult – he knew that from the start. Sometimes I could deal with his whiny, self-abhorrent monologues, but right now, I just found it fucking annoying. Hell, I found _him_ fucking annoying.   
“I hope my Mom thinks he’s a dickhead.” I muttered to myself.

 

  
She didn’t though. Of course. Just like practically everyone else on the planet, she thought he was charming and lovely.   
When we walked into his classroom, his face betrayed his emotions for only a second, before he reached out to shake my Mom’s hand, not even looking at me. I’d had him for a lesson earlier that day, and we hadn’t spoken then either, so this was going to be very interesting.   
“Glad to see you again, Mrs. Iero.” He smiled, and she smiled back.  
“You too.” She replied politely.  
“Frank.” He said, with an awkward nod. I ignored it.   
“Okay, so, if we look at Frank’s grades, you can see that he’s doing well. He’s not the greatest student in the class, admittedly, and he can get quite distracted at times, but he’s by no means unintelligent. I think he just needs motivation.” He said softly. That asshole. I clenched my fists so I wouldn’t punch him in the face.   
“Right.” My Mom nodded.  
“As a student he’s – he’s…” he said, breaking off. He chewed his lip for a moment.  
“Can I be blunt?” he asked. My Mother nodded.  
“Frank is probably the most stubborn, self-indulgent, arrogant student I’ve ever met. He approaches tasks with an air of over-confidence, and refuses to change his approach when it doesn’t work.” He said. I squared my jaw and looked away form him. God, he was being such an asshole, I almost didn’t believe it.   
“Oh, I see.” She breathed, clearly disappointed. Mr. Way smiled a little bit.  
“No, don’t be upset. Even considering all of these attributes, I believe, wholeheartedly, that Frank is _the_ most interesting student I’ve ever met. He’s got this mind that turns everything into poetry in his head, and you can almost see the creativity bursting from him. He’s confident and strong-willed, and he sees something he wants, and he goes for it. A lot of kids his age are wishy-washy and transparent, just because of their age, but Frank has this deep, beautiful complexity that they don’t have, and it really does set him apart. I can’t think of anyone I admire as much as I admire your son. If I were you, I’d be really, really proud, because you’ve raised him to be a magnificent, infallible person, and I believe that he’s going to be successful in everything he tries, because he’s determined. He grabs hold of things, and he won’t let them go or give up on them, even when he really should. Even when most people would find things not worth holding onto, he never gives up. And for that, I am proud to have even met him.” Gerard said in a rush. I almost expected him to add “and I love him” at the end, but he stopped himself before he did.   
“O-oh.” My Mother stammered, taken aback. Gerard smiled softly at me, and I couldn’t help the smile that broke across my face. God, he was such a romantic.   
“That’s very kind of you to say, Mr. Way.” She smiled.  
“Please, call me Gerard.” He said smoothly, and I held back laughter.   
“Gerard. I think you’ve made quite the impression on Frank, as well.”   
“Mom.” I sighed, embarrassed.   
“Have I?” he laughed.   
“Well, I mean, you’re by far his favourite teacher. He doesn’t shut up about you, actually.” She laughed. I felt myself blush, and Jesus Christ, I just wanted to fall through the ground. He beamed.  
“Well, that’s always nice to hear. I like to think that Frank and I have formed quite a comradeship over these last couple of years.”  
“Definitely, yeah. You definitely live up to the hype, if you don’t mind my saying so.” My Mom smiled, batting her eyelashes. Well, shit, _she was flirting with him._ My Mom was actually flirting with my boyfriend. This wasn’t happening. Gerard smiled, clearly amused.   
“Thank you very much.” He said coolly. Oh, God. If there is anyone up there, they will kill me right now.   
“You said you’ve been Frank’s teacher for two years?”  
“This is the third year, yes.”  
“Right. I just don’t remember meeting you before. I’d have thought I’d remember if I’d seen you.” She said. God, I was going to be sick. Gerard put a hand over his mouth with the pretence of coughing, but I recognized the gentle shake of his shoulders. Well, I’m glad he found it so amusing.   
“I um, change my hair a lot.” He said weakly.   
“Oh.” She said.   
They couldn’t find anything else to say, and my mother was apparently out of pick-up lines, so they ended it there. Thank god. Any later and I’d probably have had to use my safeword, that’s how painful it was. They stood up to shake hands, and I noticed my Mom lingering. Jesus, Mom. Please stop.   
“Hopefully we’ll speak again soon.” She said. Gerard’s eyes widened a little, but he mostly remained composure.  
“Yes. Well, see you.” He said awkwardly.  
“See you tomorrow, Frank.” He said, shooting me a look that was a mix of amusement and fear. I beamed at him.  
“You too.” I said, following my Mom out of the room. Once the door shut she looked at me and smiled.  
“Well, he seems to be fond of you.” She said.   
“Yeah, he’s cool I guess.” I shrugged.  
“He’s attractive, isn’t he?” she said shyly. I pressed my lips together.  
“Um. I’ve never really noticed.” I mumbled, trying to hide my blush.

Luckily, I was saved by my phone vibrating, so I could look away from her for a minute.   


**FROM: Gee.  
(5:56pm)**

I was an asshole last night. Sorry. <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(5:58pm)**

You were, yeah. I’m sorry too, though, I shouldn’t have exploded like that. Are we okay?

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:01pm)**

Of course. I love you, baby. <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:03pm)**

I love you too, honey. <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:07pm)**

At least we don’t have to worry about your Mom not liking me, right? ;)

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:09pm)**

Oh God. Don’t. Just don’t. That was horrific. I literally wanted to die.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:12pm)**

Wasn’t easy on my end either! I guess when we get married we’ll have to flip a coin about who tells her, huh?

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:17pm)**

I think it should be you. I’m not going through any of that angst.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:22pm)**

‘Hey Mrs Iero, guess what? I don’t want to fuck you! I do want to fuck your son, though. Actually, I have fucked your son. And he’s fucked me. Oh, and we’re getting married.’   
I don’t know how well she’ll take that one, sweetie. ;)

 

I actually laughed out loud at that one, and had to cover my mouth with my hand.   
“What’s so funny?” my Mom asked.   
“Nothing!”


	37. A very productive day

I’d have liked to think that he was joking, at first, but in reality, I knew he probably wasn’t.   
Gerard was one of those people that kept themselves up until 2am, drinking coffee and drawing, and then crashed at noon the next day. It was for this reason that I wasn’t at all surprised when I woke up to a text from him that’d been sent at 6am.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:09am)**

I think you need to come see me before school today. We need to talk.

 

My mind automatically ran to all the bad stuff I’d done in the last week, but I couldn’t find anything. Actually, seeing as I’d spent the last week sucking up to him so he’d say nice stuff to my Mom, I really couldn’t find anything he’d be mad about. Add to that the fact he’d said such nice things to my Mom about me, I thought we were fine.  
Sure, there was that stupid little argument we’d had, but he said we were fine, right?

 

 **TO:** **Gee.**

**(7:39am)**

Why, what’s up?

 

He didn’t reply straight away, which worried me. He had to get to school even earlier than I did, so he was definitely awake. As I got ready, I checked my phone constantly, my face falling each time he didn’t reply.   
As it happened, when I checked my phone just after leaving the house, he’d replied a whole 7 minutes before and I’d missed it.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(8:01am)**

Be at my classroom in ten minutes.

 

I groaned, because shit, he knew that I left my house at 8, and he also knew that it took me 15 minutes to walk to school. Still, I wasn’t surprised in the least that he expected me to bend the space-time continuum for him. Who needs physics, right?

 

I ended up bursting into his classroom at just before quarter past 8, because apparently, time and space don’t bend to the will of Gerard Way. Who knew, right?  
He looked utterly bored when he looked up and sighed.  
“You’re almost five minutes late. Lock the door.”   
“Sorry.” I breathed, and did as he asked. I walked over to his desk and leaned in for a kiss, but he just glared and shifted away. My heart slammed against my ribcage as I, once again, tried to work out what I’d done to make him so angry.   
“That’s exactly what I want to talk about.” He said, rising from his desk.   
“What?”  
“You’re far too comfortable with me and honestly, it’s annoying.” He said bluntly. I felt all the air rush out of my lungs. Okay then.   
“Oh.”  
“What?”  
“I wasn’t expecting that. Y’know…considering…” I mumbled, shuffling my feet on the floor. I was amazed at myself that I hadn’t started crying yet, because I felt like I could actually feel every cell in my body that was shriveling at his words. I barely heard his next words over the racing of my heart and the pounding in my head.   
“That’s partly my fault. But you’re right, Frank. It might have been better if we’d just fucked the once, right? I mean, who really wants a relationship?” he said, flaring his nostrils. I groaned.  
“Gee, I didn’t mean that.” I said. He rolled his eyes.  
“Don’t _call me that._ And yes, you did. And I mean it too.”   
“Gee, please.” I breathed. He slammed his hand on the desk.   
“I fucking mean it, Frank. Stop calling me that. Shit.” He said, running a hand through his hair.   
“So, what? You’re…what?” I said, tears starting to well up in my eyes, my lip trembling softly. He shrugged.  
“I don’t know.”  
“You’re leaving me?” I asked weakly. He smirked.  
“I don’t think I can leave someone I wasn’t dating, can I?” he said softly. That one hurt. A lot. I pressed my lips together and looked away, feeling a tear slide out of my eye.   
“Stop crying.” He said. It was blunt and cold, and it made it really fucking hard to not cry more. I tried to hide the little sobs, but it was proving impossible. He grabbed me and pushed me against his desk.  
“Jesus, stop fucking crying.” He hissed, rolling his hips up into me as he claimed my lips in a rough kiss.   
It was a long-shot, I knew, and it might leave me open to more teasing and cruelty, but at least I’d know for sure.   
“End.” I breathed between kisses. I felt him freeze, and his mouth pull into a smile as he stepped away from me, eyeing me carefully, muttering something that sounded like “clever”.   
“Are you okay?” he asked gently. I leaned against the desk and took a deep, shaky breath, smiling softly at him.  
“Yeah. I mean, you scared me.” I chuckled weakly. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my head.  
“Mm. Sorry.” He said gently. I could still feel his erection hard against my leg, but I ignored it for the time-being.   
“Can I ask why?” I said weakly. He smiled and shrugged.  
“I just wanted to make things…interesting. We’ve become a bit comfortable.”  
“And you’re bored?”  
“No! Jesus, no. I thought you might be, actually.” He said, blushing. I stroked his cheek.  
“I couldn’t be bored of you. But don’t scare me like that, okay? It was…scary.” I said weakly. He nodded and rubbed my arms.  
“Okay, noted. Sorry.” He laughed. I leaned back and smiled mischievously at him, my hand sliding to palm him through his pants. He whimpered and rolled his hips into my hand.  
“Frankie, you don’t have to-“  
“P-please Mr. Way. I want to.” I breathed, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes. He smirked and pushed me back against the desk.  
“Go on then, slut.” He sneered, kissing me roughly again. I fought the urge to smile as I slid his zipper down, my hand grabbing his boxer-clad cock. He moaned brokenly, pushing himself up into my hand.  
“God, I want you to fuck me so bad.” He moaned, burying his head in my shoulder, his hands hard on my hips.   
“Yes, Sir.” I gasped. He chuckled lightly, pressing kisses to my neck that turned very quickly into him biting down hard, his tongue sliding across my soft skin.   
“G-Mr. Way. Sir, please!” I gasped as he marked me, his teeth breaking the skin on my neck. I winced in pain, but a moan still slid out of my mouth.   
“Fuck me, Frank. God, just fuck me.” He moaned, his hand pressing down on my own erection. I let out a small cry of pleasure and he smirked proudly.   
“Y-you have a class in here soon, don’t you?” I gasped as he undid my jeans.   
“No, I only have a lesson just before and just after lunch.” He said almost absent-mindedly, all of his focus on stripping me.   
“That must be great.” I smiled. He laughed lightly, sliding my jeans off of my legs and pulling my boxers off with them, throwing them on the floor.   
“I have a lesson though.” I protested as he pushed me up onto the desk.   
“Honestly, Frank, I really don’t give a shit.” He snarled, pressing kisses to my thighs and hips.  
“But-“  
“Shut the fuck up or I’ll gag you.” He murmured, his teeth biting softly at my hipbones. I heard the bell for first lesson ring and moved to sit up.  
“Sir, please.” I pleaded, thinking of how much trouble I’d get in. Though, if I was being completely honest, I just wanted to rile him up. He pushed me roughly back onto the wood, probably comforted by the fact I hadn’t used the safe word yet.   
“Frank, I already told you to shut up, so do it.” He growled, sinking to his knees. My breath came hard and heavy as I gripped the table, feeling his mouth continue its downward journey.   
It was then that the door handle shook, and I was relieved that I’d locked the door. Gerard was on his feet in seconds, pressing a hand to my mouth.   
“Shh.” He murmured.   
“Gerard? Can I have a word?” came a voice from outside. He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the person to fuck off.   
“Are you in there?”   
Gerard was silent, and soon we heard footsteps walking away from the door. Just to be sure, though, Gerard peeked around the poster that was blocking the window on his door and smiled at me like a child who’d just been caught drawing on the wall in permanent marker. I sat up and smiled back, my breathing heavy and labored, both from fear, and from whatever it was Gerard had been doing to me. He situated himself back between my legs, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pulled me in for a kiss, leaning forward slightly so I was forced backwards on the desk. One of his hands cradled the back of my neck, while the other was wrapped firmly around my hip.   
“Fuck me, sweetheart. Need you so much.” He practically sobbed. I shot a worried look to the door.   
“Isn’t it…risky?”  
“ _Oh yeah_.” He smirked, kissing me again. I let him push me down so I was practically lying flat on the table with him on top of me, one knee resting on the table by my hip.  
“C’mon, you don’t want to disappoint me, do you? Because I don’t think that’d work well for your grades, Mr. Iero.” He purred darkly. Well fuck, he knows that I’ll do pretty much anything when he talks like that.   
“Please, sir, I don’t want to.” I said, wriggling underneath him. I could almost see the dominance flaring up inside him as he held me down with an almost bruising force to the desk.   
“You’ve already missed enough of your lesson, Frank, and I’m not letting you go until I’ve had you.”   
“Well, technically, _I’m_ fucking _you_.” I smirked. He raised his eyebrows and slid a finger into me, completely dry. I gasped in a mixture of pain and surprise at the intrusion.  
“Not necessarily, Frankie.” He murmured, pushing his finger deeper inside me. Fuck, that hurt.   
“S-sorry. I’m sorry, sir I’ll fuck you, I’m sorry!” I cried. He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled his finger out of me, bringing it to his lips and sucking gently. Fuck.   
“No. I think I want to fuck you now.” He purred, sliding his fingers back into his mouth and sucking obscenely, his hips rolling into mine. I panted, feeling scared but God, so fucking excited.   
“Hurry up and do it then.” I breathed, earning myself a sharp slap on the thigh.  
He dragged his fingers out of his mouth and pushed them slowly into me. I raised my hips and felt my eyes roll back in my head. Yeah, fuck, that was good.   
“Am I hurting you?” he asked, his genuine concern seeping into his voice. I shook my head.  
“N-no.” I breathed. He kissed me deeply, his hand tightening on my hip as he fucked me on his fingers.  
“Out of interest, what lesson am I stealing you from?” he smiled.  
“S-science.”   
“Well. What a shame.” He said, his eyes alight as he pushed his hand in all the way down to the knuckle. I gasped at how full I felt, and could barely wait for him to be inside me.  
“Fuck me, Daddy. Fuck me, please.” I whined. He let his head fall back and moaned, his breath heavy.   
“God, you’re gonna kill me, Frank.” He moaned. Feeling impatient, I reached forward and pulled his boxers down as a hint that he should fuck me before I exploded. Literally.   
He chuckled and kissed my forehead.  
“Sorry, angel. I know how impatient you get when I’m gonna fuck you.” He murmured and I nodded, mewling softly, making his breath hitch. He leaned back and spat on his hand, using it to slick up his dick and rolling his eyes when I wrinkled my nose.  
“Sorry, would you prefer if I did it dry?” he snapped. I chewed my lip and wiggled on the desk.”  
“Sorry, Daddy. Please fuck me.” I said in my most innocent-sounding voice. He groaned and leaned forward again, one knee on the desk, his hands on either side of my head, and pushed in gently.   
Despite our rushed prepping session, I was still painfully, almost disgustingly tight, and I found my hands gripping onto the desk for reasons other than pleasure.   
“God, so tight. I’m hurting you, aren’t I?” he asked, pulling back. I locked my legs around his waist and shook my head.  
“It’s because your dick’s so big.” I smiled, laughing.   
“Sorry.” He chuckled, kissing my neck. I held my breath as he pushed in deeper, and only let it out when he was completely inside of me.   
“You alright?” he breathed, kissing my cheek. I nodded.  
“Mmhm. You realize if I fail science it’s your fault, right?” I sighed. He laughed.  
“No, it’s because you’re shit at science.” He retorted. Well, I couldn’t really argue there, so I just smiled and reached up to pull him down for a kiss. His hips thrust forward habitually, and I moaned.   
“More.” I rasped against his lips. He let out a sob and started moving. I sighed and entwined our fingers above my head as he fucked into me hard enough to shake the whole table.   
“Are you sure we won’t, uh, break it?” I panted.  
“I hope so. That’d be hilarious.” He chuckled, his laugh fading into a moan as he thrust roughly into me.   
“It’s so – _fuck_ – hard to for me to be quiet.” I moaned. He whimpered and nodded.  
“Mm, I know, baby. I wanna hear you scream so badly. Make your voice hoarse from screaming.” He laughed. I just rolled my eyes and grabbed his tie, pulling myself up to kiss him.   
“God, you’re so hot Frankie. So fucking sexy. Could fuck you all day, sweetheart.” He moaned.   
“Do it then.” I laughed airily. He bit down on my collarbone and I whimpered.  
“Tempted.” He growled, pounding into me harder. I couldn’t help the moans and cries of pure ecstasy that ripped from my chest as he slammed into me, his cock stretching me so much that I wondered if I’d even be able to walk after this. Probably not.   
“God, Sir, please. Please, let me cum.” I whined. He smirked and kissed me.  
“What’s the matter, Frankie. Can’t do it untouched?” he breathed.  
“I-I can. But I want you to touch me. God, Gee, just touch me.” I begged. He curled his fingers around me and stroked me softly, his hips still pounding into me roughly.   
“Cum for me, baby. Cum all over me, so I smell like you all day. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Sitting in class with me covered in your cum? I bet you’d fucking love that.” He smirked.   
“I-I shouldn’t. It’ll be obvious.” I moaned.  
“No it won’t. I’m a slut, remember?” he teased. I bit my lip and rocked my hips down onto him.   
“Won’t it be – unf – uncomfortable?”  
“Like hell it will. C’mon baby, cum for me. Cum all over me.” He growled, and his voice was so deep and fucking husky that I couldn’t _not_ cum. My back arched as my cock throbbed in his hand, sending waves of pure, overwhelming pleasure through me. Unfortunately, I had my eyes squeezed shut when I came, so I didn’t see the way my cum shot onto his face, but I certainly did when I opened my eyes. I gasped and moaned simultaneously at the sight of him with my cum caught in his hair and dripping off his lips, running down his neck.  
“G-God.” I moaned as he pressed into me one last time, biting down on my shoulder as he finished inside me. He collapsed onto me, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. We still had 15 minutes or so of the lesson to kill, so I let him lay there for a minute, just kissing his neck.  
“I fucking stink.” He groaned, and I laughed.  
“You definitely do. Everyone’s gonna be able to smell that.” I said, wrinkling my nose. He sighed and stood up, gesturing awkwardly to his shirt, which had very obvious stains on it.   
“I didn’t think this through at all.” He mumbled, grabbing a tissue from his drawer and wiping his face.   
Even after both of us wiping his hair, neck and face clean, it was still very obvious (to anyone with a nose) what had happened. I beamed proudly. He sighed and helped me slide my jeans and boxers back on, and pulling me into a lazy kiss when they were about halfway up my thighs. His hand cupped my cheek, his other hand on my waist, and god, they were so warm. I could just let him hold me forever.   
Except, you know, for the whole ‘other lessons’ thing. I pulled away and sighed, pulling my jeans up the rest of the way.  
“I should get going. Can you send an email to my Science teacher and say that I was with you?” I asked.  
“To whom it may concern, sorry Frank wasn’t in his lesson, I was fucking his tight little ass against my desk.” He said. I giggled and kissed him.  
“Yeah, that sounds good.” I smiled. The bell rang and I groaned, capturing his mouth again.  
“Y’know I really didn’t mean it when I said I just wanted a fuck, right? Like, I do want to be with you.” I said. He rolled his eyes and kissed me, pushing me towards the door.  
“Yes, I know. Get out of here.”  
“I’ll see you after lunch.” I said suggestively. He groaned and stomped back to his desk, much to my amusement.

 

The rest of the day passed pretty uneventfully, though I don’t know how ‘uneventful’ it is to have to stagger to your class with an aching ass and shaking legs. Nor is it uneventful for your neck to start bleeding during art class. But hey, at least I wasn’t Gerard who, hilariously, kept sending me updates about how much he “fucking stank of it” and was “going to fucking murder me”. I didn’t remind him that this whole thing was his idea, of course.   
I sat down at lunch feeling like I’d actually accomplished something tremendous just from making it through the day. Only a little while longer until I got to sit through what might be the most entertaining lesson I’d ever had. And that was definitely saying something.  
Chris smiled when I sat down.  
“I was going to ask where you were this morning, but looking at your neck and the uh, limp, I’m pretty sure I can guess.” He chuckled. I blushed.

“Nothin’ happened.” I mumbled, even though I knew he already knew.  
“Yeah, okay. You look way too pleased with yourself to not have had sex.” He said, nudging me. I couldn’t help but smile. Joe joined us soon after, so we changed the subject.  
“So, there’s a party at Anna’s this weekend. Are you two game?” he asked, smiling brightly. I groaned.  
“Joe, it’s Thursday and you’re asking me about a party on Saturday night?”  
“Ah it’s tomorrow night.” He said, blushing. I chuckled.   
“Yeah, sure. I’ll be there. Chris?”  
“If you guys are game, I’m definitely game.” He smiled.   
“Are there gonna be enough girls for both of you?” I teased.   
“Hell yeah. No gay dudes, I don’t think. Sorry bro.” he sighed. I laughed.  
“No problem.” I chuckled. I leaned back in my seat, looking around casually for Gerard, only vaguely surprised when he wasn’t there.  
I still wasn’t surprised when he texted me.   
In fact, I only became surprised when I actually read the text.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(1:34pm)**

Still smell like you and it’s making me hard. Meet me in staff toilets. Now.

 

My heart raced in my chest, my teeth catching on my lip as my cock twitched in my jeans, apparently ready for round two even before I’d recovered from round one.   
I looked at Chris and Joe who were rapidly talking about the party. They probably wouldn’t notice if I left, right?  
Wrong. Of course. I tried to make it casual as I rose to my feet, but Joe stopped me, a confused look on his face.  
“Where are you going?” he asked.   
“Bathroom.” I said, smiling. Chris raised his eyebrows at me, and I just ignored him. After all, I had an appointment to keep.

 

I saw him leaning against the wall, trying to look nonchalant, but failing miserably. Especially when he looked up and saw me coming, and could barely control the look of pure lust that contorted his features.  
“What took you so long?” he hissed, grabbing the front of my shirt and dragging me into the bathroom, pushing me quickly into a stall and locking it behind him.   
“S-sorry, I was trying to be subtle.” I gasped as he pushed me against the wall. He kissed my neck, rolling his cock into my thigh.   
“Fuck subtle.” He murmured, biting into my skin, just below the bitemarks he’d made earlier.   
“D-don’t. I was bleeding earlier.” I whispered. He growled, but kissed the place softly.  
“I see your other marks are fading nicely.” He hissed, referring to the ones left by Cameron. I raised an eyebrow.  
“I could say the same for you.” I retorted. He actually stopped to laugh, kissing me softly.  
“Am I being too rough?”  
“No. We should make this quick, though.” I whispered. He moaned in agreement and pressed me up against the wall again, his hands fumbling as he tried to undo my jeans.  
“This was easier this morning.” He laughed.   
“I’m gonna fuck you.” I said bluntly. His breath hitched.  
“Yeah, I know. Got myself all ready for you.” He smiled, biting his lip.   
“When did you even – here let me help – do that?” I said, helping him wiggle my jeans down.  
“After you left. I had a feeling we’d be doing this again.” He said, his eyes dark. I moaned and held his head in my hands, pushing him roughly against the other wall, both of us now scrabbling to slid his pants off.   
“Did you have to wear tight pants today, Gerard, really?” I laughed.  
“They make my dick look good.” He said, defensively. I kissed him softly.  
“They do.” I agreed, _finally_ sliding them down his legs. We just stared at each other for a moment, caught in the pure, raw, animal passion of what we wanted. My legs were still slick from his cum earlier, and his shirt was still stained from mine, yet here we were, ready to fuck each other again. That wasn’t surprising, though. I’d fuck him until he was a writhing, bloody mess on the floor if I could. I’d literally fuck him to death. In a sudden burst of dominance, I lunged at him, pinning him against the wall again. He whimpered weakly and I swallowed the noise.   
“Wrap your legs around me.” I murmured into his mouth.  
“You won’t be able to hold me.” He said softly.   
“Yes I will. Just do it.” I said. Reluctantly, he did, and I pressed him even more firmly against the wall to make sure he didn’t slip.  
“See, princess? I got you. Not gonna let you fall, okay?” I said, pressing my lips to his mouth. The nickname came easily out of my lips, and he seemed vaguely happy that I’d used it. He nodded slowly, and I reached between us to line myself up at his entrance, feeling slightly upset that we didn’t have more time to prepare.  
“Ready, honey?”  
“Yeah, Frankie, please. I want it so bad.” He moaned. I held one hip tightly, the other still wrapped around his waist, as I slid up into him, impressed with how much he’d prepared himself for me. We both gasped simultaneously when I filled him.  
“What if someone comes in?” I whispered, smiling as he began to rock his hips down into me. So damn impatient.  
“They won’t. Even if they do, just try and be quiet. It’s not like we’re the first people to fuck here.” He chuckled. I thrust up into him and he moaned, his head falling back and hitting the wall softly.  
“Frank, fuck, just fucking destroy me, okay? I don’t wanna be able to walk when you’re done.” He pleaded desperately – and who was I to deny him that? I gripped his thighs roughly and pounded into him as fast and hard as I could muster, given the awkward position. It was slightly lazier than earlier, because of the aforementioned awkward position and the fact that we were both exhausted, but fuck, I didn’t care. I bit his neck possessively, and he pushed me away slightly.  
“Let’s not make this any more obvious, shall we?” he smirked. Ridiculous. He was still teasing me even while my dick was in his ass. I slammed him against the wall, just to prove a point, and he whimpered submissively, letting my tongue slide into his mouth.   
“G-Gee. Gerard. Please, can I cum now? I really fuckin’- I’m so sensitive.” I gasped, trying to hold it off, but he was so tight and warm around me, and his little pants and moans were absolutely delicious.   
“Yeah, sweetheart. Yeah.” He breathed, his voice sounding exhausted and fucked out as he leaned lazily against the wall. I smirked, knowing I was the one who’d exhausted him, and felt my nails dig into his thighs as I, for the second time in just a few hours, came hard inside him. I stumbled back from the wall, letting him unwrap his legs and lean against the wall, panting.   
“F-Frankie…” he breathed, but before he could say another word, I’d fallen to my knees in front of him, kissing his hips softly.   
“Gonna make you cum again, baby.” I murmured, looking up at him from under my eyelashes. He moaned and fell against the cubicle wall.  
“Gnn-yes. Baby, yes, fuck. Please.” He moaned, his voice still tired, but desperate. I didn’t bother with any niceties, I just wrapped my lips tightly around him and swallowed as much of him as I could.   
“Careful, sweetheart. Don’t choke.” He murmured, stroking my cheek. I pulled back, staring up at him innocently. I could feel how swollen my lips were, and I knew it’d drive him crazy.   
I was right. He rubbed his hard cock around my lips and cheek, smearing precum and saliva across my face.  
“God, so beautiful like that. Fuck, just make me cum, okay?” he breathed, leaning back against the wall. I was only too happy to oblige, taking him back into my mouth and relaxing my jaw as he tangled his hand in my hair and fucked roughly into my throat.   
“You’re not gonna be able to speak for days, baby. Gonna make your voice all fucked out and sexy.” He breathed, his mouth pulling into a strained smile as he rode my face, his hips snapping back and forth rapidly, until he came, his cock throbbing, into my mouth. I fell away from him, sprawled out on the floor, and looked up at him. He was leaning against the wall, but he was smiling softly.  
“I love you.” He sighed, sliding to the floor. I crawled over to him and let him wrap me in his arms.  
“Mmhm, you too.” I sighed.

 

I could have fallen asleep right there, but it was important that I went back to my friends. Even though we’d been fairly quick, we’d still taken at least 15 minutes, which was a long time for someone to piss.   
I felt like I was high as I walked back to our table, pretty much collapsing onto the chair.  
“Dude, you took years, what the fuck?” Joe asked.   
“I fainted.” I lied. It was an awful lie, I knew, but it was something to work with. Joe shrugged, always so trusting. Maybe at another time, when my brain wasn’t filled with a lusty haze, I might have actually felt bad.   
“You okay now?”  
“Yeah, totally.” I smiled. Chris chuckled a little under his breath.   
“Yeah, I bet you are.” He smiled. Shut up, Chris.

 

I tried not to look at him. I really, really tried. I managed to walk to my desk, sit down, open my book and get my pen out without looking at him. I think I could have gone the whole lesson avoiding him, except that when he spoke, his voice was raw and fucked-out, and I couldn’t _not_ look.   
And god, did he look gorgeous. He’d obviously attempted to fix his hair, but it was still messy as hell. The bruises on his neck were just about showing, and his clothes were completely messed up. Not only that, but the stains from this morning were, to my amusement, shockingly obvious. His eyes had a vague haziness to them, and the stumbled slightly when he walked. Jesus, I could only imagine how bad I looked.   
“So, guys. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m actually sick, as you can probably tell.” He laughed. Yeah, no, nobody believed that for even a second. I noticed Cameron shifting uncomfortably out of the corner of my eye, and almost felt guilty. Almost.   
“So I was just going to get you guys to read and make notes. Ah, again. Sorry.” He laughed when the class groaned. He flicked his eyes over to me and grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. I swear, if there was anything more attractive than Gerard after sex, it was Gerard after sex, pretending he hadn’t just had sex, and failing miserably. His hands fluttered urgently around his hair, trying to make it look like it hadn’t been grasped by my fist less than an hour ago, and wiped desperately (though not necessarily discreetly) at the stains on his shirt to try and get rid of some of the heavy, musky smell that was coming off of him – the smell of sex, of course. He even opened a window to try and make the room less heavy.   
Of course, if everyone hadn’t been so distracted by how utterly fucked he looked, they might have noticed the wet patch in the front of my jeans, or the lovebites littering my neck, and actually managed to make the connection. They didn’t, though – they never do.


	38. Happy Birthday, Mr. Way

Gerard was in a really, really foul mood. Everyone could tell, but I think I was probably the only one, other than maybe Mikey, who actually knew why.   
“God, you’re blowing this out of proportion.” I groaned on the car ride home after school.  
“I’m almost _fourty,_ Frank! That’s ancient! I’m almost middle-aged!” he whined.   
“Oh, don’t be so over-dramatic. You still look like you’re in your twenties. Not only that, but you pick up guys and girls everywhere you go. That’s got to be a sign.” I said, nudging him.  
“Yeah, but I’m like _twice your age._ That’s so gross.” He groaned. I didn’t mention that he was actually more than twice my age.   
“No, it’s sexy.” I said, leaning in for a kiss, which he returned unenthusiastically.   
“Well, whatever. I’m just gonna ignore it.” He said, putting his hands up in a surrender.  
“And you think Mikey and I are just gonna let you do that? C’mon, Gee. It’s gonna be the first birthday Mikey’s been there for in _three years._ I said, batting my eyelashes. He sighed.  
“God, you’re joining in on the guiltripping too, then?”   
“Huh?”  
“Mikey’s been using the coma card for the same reason.” He said. I beamed – great minds think alike.   
“Well, see? C’mon, Gee. I really want you to have a good birthday.” I pouted, squeezing his hand. He sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair.  
“Fine. Nothing massive though, okay? And don’t tell anyone. And don’t spend too much on me. Like, make me a card or suck my dick or something, okay? None of that fancy shit.” He grumbled. I laughed and pecked him softly on the lips, undoing my seatbelt.  
“Gee, your birthday’s in like, three days. Do you really think I don’t already have your stuff?” I teased, sliding out of the car and slamming the door before he could argue with me, chuckling all the way back to my house.

 

I wasn’t lying, either. I had three main surprises planned for him (plus a few little extra things, but they weren’t really important) and I’d already sorted out two of them. The third, however, was still in the process of being arranged.   
“Aw, c’mon Mikey!” I said, nudging him. It was the lunch break on the day before Gerard’s birthday (which, awkwardly, fell on a Wednesday, limiting the amount we could actually do because there was no way my Mom would let me sleep away on a school night. The joys of being 18, right?) and I met Mikey in the coffee shop. He chewed his lip.  
“It’s not like you’re asking me to do something _normal,_ Frank. This is fucking weird.”  
“But it’s Gerard. Do you expect much else?”  
“No. And I know it probably won’t be as bad as I’m imagining-“  
“Gee, thanks.”  
“But I just can’t get my head around it.” He shrugged.  
“Dude, okay. You’re a straight dude, right? I’m a gay dude who really isn’t interested in you at all. No weirdness there, it’s just like acting.”  
“Except for my brother jacking off in the corner.” He snapped.   
“Okay. Fine, yes, that’ll be weird…but he won’t even be looking at you. It’s only ‘cause he trusts you. Please, Mikey.” I pleaded, grabbing his arm. He groaned.  
“God, you’re not gonna let me say no, are you?”  
“No.” I beamed.   
“Fine. Shit, fine. The minute things get weird-“  
“Yeah, whatever, you can leave. I just need you to help me get him-“  
“Please stop. The less I have to think about it, the more likely it is that I’ll do it.” He sighed.   
“You’re the best.” I beamed. He glared at me.

“I’ll buy you more coffee?” I said as a peace offering. He smiled and handed me his empty cup.  
“A man after my own heart.” He sighed sarcastically.

 

That’s how it came that I was faced in my first lesson of the day with a very grumpy English teacher.

He’d already ruined one of the things I wanted to do, because when the clock hit midnight, he refused to answer his phone, choosing instead to wallow in self-pity than to answer a call from me. That was fine, he still had tonight to look forward to.   
I felt a chill run up my thighs as I thought about it. Did I actually want to make out with Mikey Way? Not really. I did, however, very much enjoy the idea of Gerard watching me do it. The logistics of it were awkward, and we were still trying to find a way to do it so he’d know that we were doing it for his benefit and not ours, but that’d come naturally, I hoped.   
“Frank?” Gerard snapped. I looked up and realized he’d asked me a question.  
“Ah, sorry?”  
“What do you believe is the overriding theme in Othello?” he asked. I smiled a little bit.   
“Obsession, sir. I think it’s Othello’s initial obsession with Desdemona that makes it so easy for Iago to manipulate him.”  
“Obsession or love?” Gerard challenged, raising an eyebrow. My smirk grew.   
“Obsession, definitely.” I said, my eyes dark. He shot me a look that clearly said ‘fuck you’, and turned back to address the class.

“Okay. So, from what I gather, you guys are focusing mainly on-“  
But for once, I wasn’t really listening. I felt his second surprise heavy and suddenly very awkward in my pocket. If he was really in this bad a mood, he probably wouldn’t want it, right? I ran my fingers across the velvet box and chewed my lip. He’d be mad because of the amount of money I’d spent, but it’s not like I was broke after it – I’d put money aside for his birthday a while ago. The bell rang in the middle of his sentence, which he let die as he realized that students were already getting out of their chairs and heading for the door. When the last student left, I walked over and sat on his desk.  
“Watch my papers, dumbass.” He muttered. I sighed and leaned in for a kiss, and didn’t miss the small smile that crossed his face as he leaned in to return it.   
“Happy Birthday.” I said with a grin. He groaned and leaned away from me, resting his hands on my thighs.  
“God, don’t.” he sighed.  
“I’ve gotta go to class, and I’m pretty sure your next class is gonna be here soon…” I said, jumping off the desk and taking a much more innocent position next to him.   
“Okay.” He said, leaning in for another kiss.  
“But first.”  
“Oh no.”  
“I wanted to give you this.” I said, thrusting the box into his hand. He chewed his lip.  
“Frank, you didn’t have to-“  
“Open it quickly, okay? It’s kinda…I wanna know what you think.” I said gently. He hesitated for only a second before opening the box, his eyebrows furrowing when he saw what was inside.  
“Do you like it?” I asked. He chewed his lip and stared at it, and I got worried that maybe he hated it. It wasn’t really complex, just a dogtag necklace that I’d got imprinted with my fingerprint. I thought it’d be a nice gesture; that he could wear it in class and whatever and be able to touch me when he couldn’t actually touch me.   
“Frankie, please don’t think I’m being ungrateful…” he began.  
“Oh.”  
“But did you get this from a mortuary?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement. I chuckled.  
“Um. Yes.” I admitted, thinking back to the look on the man’s face when I’d requested it. He chuckled and slipped it around his neck, smiling softly at the way it hung just above his heart.

“I love it, sweetheart. Honestly, it’s beautiful. You couldn’t have got me anything more perfect. Thank you.” He sighed, pulling me down for a kiss.   
“Good. I have to go, but ah, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I smiled.  
“You’re still coming over tonight, right?”  
“Wouldn’t miss it.” I beamed.

 

I saw Gerard clutching the necklace throughout the entirety of our lunch break, and it made my heart swell, especially when he (probably not knowing I was watching him) brought the cool metal up to his lips and held it there for a moment, before dropping it back down. Someone said something to him that made him smile tight-lipped and nod politely, and I laughed. He glared at me from under his eyelashes, rolling his eyes.   
“Happy Birthday Gee!” I mouthed to him. He sent me a not-so-subtle middle finger. I just smiled and shook my head, sending a quick text to Mikey to make sure we were still on for tonight, knowing he probably wouldn’t reply, because he was Mikey Way and replying to texts definitely wasn’t one of his strong points. I chewed slowly on the apple I was eating, trying to think of when the best time to give Gerard his next ‘surprise’ would be. I figured that walking into his next lesson and handing him the bag full of lingerie that was currently hidden amongst my school books might not be the best idea, but at the same time, if he was discreet, it could be pretty amusing.   
Hell, it’d be even more amusing if he wasn’t.   
Mikey had refused to come with me to choose the stuff, for obvious reasons, so I’d had to go to the store on my own. The women in the store were very kind and understanding, whispering to each other how cute I was, and how much of a good boyfriend I was. I didn’t, of course, tell them the gender of the person I was buying them for. With the help of a very sweet shop assistant, I picked out a set with a pink and black lace bra with a wide black bow at the top, and a sort of frilly pink and black skirt with a pink bow, and black suspenders hanging down, and another one with a corset that seemed to be made out of black PVC that flared out into a very short skirt with cute red frills just above the ass. My mouth actually _watered_ when I imagined how hot he’d look in it. I also took the liberty of, while I was already there, buying some strawberry-flavoured lube, a small vibrator and (my personal favourite) a dildo that was – get this – made completely out of glass. The woman assured me that it was reinforced, and completely safe, and that it felt amazing. I blushed furiously as I bought everything, much to the amusement of the girls serving me.   
Just to pack the final punch, though, I grabbed a few lipsticks in dark reds, purples and blacks, and a pot of black eyeshadow. Just in case my intentions weren’t clear enough.   
I actually considered buying him heels to go with it all, but Mikey downright refused to tell me his shoe size, so I gave up.   
He wasn’t looking at me when I looked up, and I chuckled under my breath. He had no fucking idea what I was about to hit him with.

 

I told Joe to tell our Math teacher that I’d gone to see the nurse, and he agreed without even questioning because hey, he was just a really great guy. I made a mental note to thank him for being so awesome. Hell, maybe I’d even tell him about Gerard.   
I could hear him trying to shut his current class up, his voice grouchy and short, showing that he was still in a bad mood. I grinned and held the plain black bag (thank God for inconspicuousness) tightly in my hand. I knocked at the door, pushing it slightly open and peeking my head in. I could tell by the set of his shoulders and the frown that seemed to be painted on his face that he was _definitely_ still pissed off, but his face stretched into a grin when he saw me.  
“O-oh. Mr. Iero. Can I help you?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.   
“Yeah, um, I have that stuff you wanted me to bring you for the project?” I said, my voice high and innocent. He narrowed his eyes distrustingly at the back I thrust out to him.   
“R-right. Well, thanks.” He said, snatching the bag from me. I didn’t move though, hesitating by the door. He chewed the side of his lip and opened the bag slightly, peeking inside. I watched the colour flood from his cheeks as he looked inside, his eyes almost bulging out of his head, and was unable to stop the grin from spreading across my face. He looked up and loosened his tie slightly, his face slightly regaining colour.  
“Y-yes, that all seems to be in order. Thank you, Mr. Iero.” He said, nodding politely at me. I smirked at him and walked smoothly out of the room, a face-splitting grin on my cheeks.   
I was just about to go into my classroom when my phone rang.   
He was calling me.   
Oh shit.   
“U-um”  
“What’s in the bag?” he asked urgently.  
“Where are you?”  
“Outside my class. They can’t hear me, don’t worry. What’s in the fucking bag?”  
“Look and see.” I smiled.   
“Frank, what the fuck did you get?” he asked, his voice high and desperate.   
“Why don’t you just fucking look?”  
“Because I don’t know what to expect. I’m guessing I can’t look at it now?”  
“I wouldn’t recommend it.”  
“Fuck you, dude.”  
“I really need to get to class.” I sighed, peeking in the window. Nobody had noticed I was outside, which was good.   
“Whatever. See you tonight.”  
“Yep.” I said, hanging up, smiling mischievously as I slid into the classroom.  
“Feeling better?” the teacher asked. I nodded.  
“Yeah, I just got a bit-“  
“No, it’s fine.” She said, smiling understandingly. She probably assumed I was having another one of my panic attacks. I sat down in my seat silently, smiling warmly at Joe. I thought about Gerard, probably glancing nervously at the bag as he spoke. I guessed that he wasn’t in a bad mood anymore, just frustrated because he wasn’t in control. That was good, at least I was making things interesting for him.   
A quick glance under the table at my phone showed that Mikey, of course, still hadn’t replied. I bit my lip, suddenly very nervous. Of course Gerard would absolutely love it, especially after learning what I’d bought him, but I was still a bit dubious. I mean, fuck, it was Mikey for crying out loud. The guy was almost like a brother to me.   
I pushed the thought away from my head because, ew, that was fucking gross to even consider.   
It was then that he actually replied. I suppose he must have had a religious epiphany or something because, literally, the guy never replied to anything.

 

**FROM: Mikey**

**(3:04pm)**

Yep, all good on this end. Nervous though. When are you gonna be over?   
  
**TO: Mikey**

**(3:05pm)**

Good. Yeah, me too. I’m coming over after school, so I’ll be there in like 20.

 

**FROM: Mikey**

**(3:15pm)**

Nah, I’ll drive you. Meet you outside in 10!

 

I sighed in relief and leaned back in my seat, not even attempting to pay attention, my eyes glaring at the clock, willing it to go faster.

 

I didn’t realize that I didn’t know what car Mikey drove until I reached the school gates and had to stand awkwardly, staring at each car in turn. His loud beep made it quite apparent that it was him, however, and I slid in.   
“Hey Mikes.” I said, sliding my belt on. He smiled.  
“S’up Frank.”  
“So, Gee won’t be home for like, half an hour. That’s gives us, um, some time.” I said, shifting uncomfortably.  
“Yeah, cool.” He said dismissively. I leaned back, staring as the road skimmed past us.  
“I didn’t know you had a car.” I said suddenly.  
“It’s a rental. Gee wants me to get used to driving again.”  
“Right. So you don’t actually have a license?” I guessed. He beamed and nodded.  
“Nope.” He said happily.  
“So you could, in theory, kill me?”  
“Yep. But I’ll try not to, ‘cause Gee would get all pissy if I murdered his boyfriend on his birthday.” He nodded.  
“Not his boyfriend.” I sighed.  
“Huh?”  
“I’m not his-“  
“Yeah, I heard you. That’s not true, is it?” he asked, genuinely confused.  
“Um. I mean, he doesn’t refer to me as that. Like, he’s my boyfriend but I’m not his.” I said.  
“What? That’s bullshit. He calls you his boyfriend all the time.” Mikey laughed. I raised my eyebrows.  
“He does?”  
“Um, yeah? He’s always like “hey, Mikes, my boyfriend is coming over after school” and stuff. Whenever he talks about you to like, Mom, he refers to you as “my boyfriend, Frank” or even just “boyfriend”. “  
“He talks about me to your Mom?” I asked, alarmed.   
“Well, duh.”  
“And she knows that I’m-“  
“A little twinkie teenager? Yes, she knows. She chewed him a new ass for that one, by the way.”  
“Oh.”  
“It’s fine. She wants to meet you now though. I doubt it’ll happen though.” He said, pulling into the driveway.  
“Why?”  
“Because she kind of doesn’t give a shit about Gee or I.” Mikey snorted. I decided it was best not to reply as I slid out of the car, following him to the front door. He smiled a little.  
“Did I make you uncomfortable?” he asked, opening the door. I shook my head.  
“Ah, no. You’re fine. I’m just nervous.” I said. He nodded understandingly, grabbing my coat from me and dumping it on a chair with his. We kicked off our shoes, and sat on the sofa, looking awkwardly at each other.  
He was the first to start laughing. It started out as a bubbly giggle, then slowly rose into hysterical laughter that had him doubled over. I couldn’t help but laugh too, my lungs hurting from the force of me laughing so hard.  
“Oh God.” He laughed, wiping the tears from his face.   
“This…is…so…ridiculous…” I gasped, laughter sending tremors through me.   
“C’mon, dude, let’s just put a movie on. We’ll just let things happen as they happen.” Mikey smiled. I beamed back at him and agreed.   
“Um, me and Gee have a, um, safeword.”  
“Yeah, I know. End, right?” he said. I chewed my lip and giggled again.  
“Yeah. Just making you aware.”  
“I sleep in the room next to you guys. Trust me. I’m aware.” He sighed, rolling his eyes. I pressed my lips together, looking as the title screen for The Dark Knight flashed up on screen. Mikey took a seat next to me, stretching his legs out.  
“Dude, you’re taking up the whole sofa.” I groaned.  
“Um, that’s the point. We want Gee to sit there, right?” he said, gesturing to the armchair that was angled slightly towards the sofa.   
“Good idea.” I beamed. Mikey nodded in a way that said “yeah, I know” and turned his attention to the TV.

 

Gerard walked in about half an hour into the movie, kissing my head softly and squeezing Mikey’s leg affectionately. Mikey and I shared a nervous smile.  
“Did you open the bag?” I asked casually. Gerard shot me a look.  
“Not yet. I was thinking it’d be best to do it later.” He said.  
“Yeah, that’s probably best.” I said, smiling when he dropped into the armchair.  
“Aw, awesome, Batman!” he said excitedly, turning his attention to the TV. I gave Mikey a meaningful look and he nodded, sitting up so we were sitting close, our thighs touching. My breath came heavy because, fuck, I was nervous. Mikey didn’t look much better.   
“Are you sure?” I mouthed to him. He replied by putting a hand on my thigh. Oh God. If Gerard had noticed anything, he didn’t say anything. Mikey looked expectantly and I, with a quick glance at Gerard, nodded. Here we go.   
His hand slid from my thigh to between my legs, his hand pressing softly against my crotch. I whimpered slightly louder than was necessary, and glanced up at Gerard. He was still looking at the TV – what a dork. I rolled my eyes, and Mikey smiled, clearly amused. He moved his hand roughly against me, rubbing me through my jeans. His hand was too soft and moved awkwardly, but fuck, I was getting hard. Not much, of course, but I was sure he could feel it. I let out a louder whimper this time and Gerard’s eyes flicked over to us. I knew I had to start really acting now. Mikey’s eyes were still focused on the Tv, but I let my head fall back, whimpering even more now, knowing that Gerard was watching. I heard a soft whine pour from his lips and I fought the urge to smile. Mikey’s hand was moving harder against me, faster, and fuck I was getting really hard really fast, just from knowing Gerard was fucking watching me.   
“C’mere, Frankie.” Mikey whispered heavily, his hand curving around my neck. I turned towards him, chewing my lip as I placed my hands lightly on his hips. He hesitated for a moment, and then my lips were on his. His mouth wasn’t as soft as Gerard’s, nor was he as good a kisser, but I leaned into it anyway like it was the best damn kiss I’d ever had. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me into his lap, so I was straddling his legs. We were facing so our profiles were to Gerard, so he could see everything.   
“Jesus…fuck…” Gerard breathed, the sound going straight to my cock. I gasped into Mikey’s mouth and leaned forward, pinning him against the arm of the sofa. He smirked a little against my lips and held my hips harder, pushing his cock (which, I was offended to feel, was only like semi-hard) up into me. I moaned loudly, bringing my hands up to tighten in his hair. He moaned and bucked up, and I had to wonder if it was real or not. I tried not to think about it too much as I slid my tongue into his mouth, my ass grinding down on him.   
“Frank.” Gerard said softly. I sat up and looked back at him.  
“Yes?”  
“God, Frank.” He whispered, leaning back. I bit my lip and smiled. I wanted to say something really dirty, but I didn’t want to make this any more awkward for Mikey than it had to be, so I decided to save that for later. Gerard didn’t look like he was going to last much longer without touching me.  
“Keep going, sweetheart. Let Daddy watch you.” He purred. I saw Mikey’s nose wrinkle and almost laughed. Instead, I just nodded and claimed Mikey’s mouth again, feeling his hands grip my ass. Gerard growled possessively, and I moaned involuntarily. I slid off of Mikey, turning away from him so I was on my hands and knees, facing Gerard who was looking at me with desperate, dark eyes. Mikey seemed to get what I wanted, because I felt his dick pressing against my ass not a moment later, grinding down into me, his hands rough on my sides. Gerard pressed his lips together, his hand twitching where it rested on his thigh. I sat up on my knees so my back was pressed firmly against Mikey’s stomach and claimed his mouth again. It was an awkward angle, but I knew it showed off my body, and it meant I could send Gerard seductive looks. One of Mikey’s hands held my throat, the other sliding down my chest and somach, before sliding over the bulge in my jeans. I moaned, letting my head fall back. He kissed my neck urgently as he slid my zipper down. Well, fuck. I dropped my eyes to Gerard who was palming himself heavily through his jeans, his legs spread out sinfully in front of him. God, he was desperate – that much was obvious. Mikey’s hand slid into my jeans, his hand closing over my cock, separated only by my boxers. Gerard’s hand moved faster and rougher against himself, his head falling back as he mewled, thrusting up into his hand. In a burst of confidence, I turned and pushed Mikey so he was on his back again, and lay between his legs, my hands sliding up and down his thighs. I looked into his eyes for consent, and he nodded shortly, and I pressed my lips against the hard line in his jeans. He let out a soft, jagged gasp as I mouthed his dick through his jeans, his hand tangling in my hair. I gripped his hips roughly as I moaned obscenely.   
“F-fuck. Mikey, stop. I have to fuck him. God, I have to fuck him.” Gerard moaned brokenly. Mikey smiled and pushed me away from him gently.  
“Have fun, kids.” He murmured, smiling and stepping away from me, walking upstairs like nothing had happened. I sat up on my knees, looking at a bewildered Gerard.   
“Jesus, Frankie. God, you looked so beautiful.” He whispered. I chewed my lip.  
“I’m sorry, Daddy. You weren’t here, and I was so hard for you.” I said innocently, rubbing myself to prove my point. He groaned and rolled his head back.  
“God. Okay, it’s-fine. Fine. Take your clothes off and come sit on Daddy’s lap, sweetheart.” He moaned. I nodded and stripped slowly, my eyes never leaving his.   
“Shit, Frank, you’re gonna kill me. Get over here.” He whispered desperately. I nodded and crawled over to him, wiggling my ass in the air as I climbed onto his lap. I immediately started kissing his neck urgently.  
“Mm, Daddy, you taste so good.”  
“You sure you don’t want me to bring Mikey back down here, honey?”  
“No! No, please, I want you.” I gasped. He chuckled.   
“Yeah, baby. It’s okay, I’ve got you. All mine, angel. You’re all fucking mine.” He breathed, his breath ghosting over my skin, making me shiver. I could only moan in reply. He smiled and nuzzled his face into my neck, his hands moving down to slide my jeans down from my hips.  
“You’ve been so bad, baby boy. Trying to fuck my little brother? That was dirty, honey.” He said, biting his lip.  
“Sorry.” I whimpered, kicking my jeans and boxers away from me. His hands went to his own zipper, sliding it down lazily.   
“No you’re not. Look how hard you are, sugar. You loved that, didn’t you?”  
“No, Daddy, I promise.” I whimpered pathetically.   
“Don’t lie to me, honey. Tell me the truth.” He murmured.  
“I am!” I pleaded. He chewed his lip and tilted his head.  
“Then why would you do that, Frankie? Unless you wanted me to see. Is that it? You wanted to show your Daddy what a pretty little whore you can be? Wanted me to watch you act all pretty for me?” he asked, his voice a dark purr. I nodded urgently.  
“Oh, baby, I already know how pretty you are. So pretty when you’re bouncing on my cock, sugar.” He whispered, finally sliding his jeans down. I noticed with a start that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, and he smiled mischievously at me.  
“I was hoping I’d get a birthday present from you.” He said, smiling softly. I helped kick his pants off, and ground my ass against his cock.  
“G-god, baby, go lie on the sofa, ass up.” He growled. I whimpered lightly and did as he asked, feeling his hand push my head down into the sofa. He moaned softly, pressing his lips against my entrance. I gasped and tried to roll my hips back onto him.   
“That’s okay, honey, fuck yourself on my tongue. Get yourself all slicked up for me. Should’ve got Mikes to prep you up for me, shouldn’t I?” he chuckled.  
“N-no, Daddy. Just want your tongue in my ass.” I gasped.   
“Mmm. Or we could just use some of that lube you got me?” he asked softly. I gasped.

“I thought you didn’t look?” I asked. He smiled against my skin.  
“I lied, sugar. You got me some very pretty things, Frankie.”  
“I’m glad you liked them.” I said, my voice shaking.  
“How about you talk to me while I eat your ass, hm? Tell me what you want to do with those pretty things.” He whispered, his tongue sliding into my ass again. I groaned.  
“I-I want you t-to put on the b-lack dress. The PVC one, and God, Gee, you’re gonna look so pretty in it. The way it’s gonna cling to your hips and…fuck.”  
“Mm, sounds good.” He breathed, sliding his tongue inside me. I moaned loudly.  
“Y-yeah. Then I’ll f-fuck you on the vibrator, to get you all stretched out for me. Maybe you’ll suck my dick while you’re being stretched out.”  
“Yeah. Yeah, I wanna do that.” He said, his voice heavy.   
“And then I’ll take the um, the dildo. Y’know, the glass one, and I’ll fuck you with it, and then I’ll fuck you myself.” I said, my breath hitching.   
“Yeah, Frankie?” he smiled, pulling away and sliding a finger into me. I writhed at his touch.  
“Mm, yeah.”  
“You sure like me looking all pretty for you, don’t you?” he smiled.  
“You always look pretty, princess. My own little doll.” I smiled weakly as he slid another finger in. He bit his lip and batted his eyelashes at me.   
“Y’know something, baby?”  
“Hm? What?”  
“I’ve fucked and been fucked by a lot of people.”  
“Yeah.”   
“But not one of them has ever made me feel as pretty as you do.” He smiled softly, pulling his fingers out and pressing his cock against me. I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut as he slid into me.  
“So tight, Frankie. Maybe I should ask Mikes to come and help me fuck you. Would you like that? Get my brother to suck you off while I fuck your tight little ass?”  
“Mhm, yeah.” I groaned, not really paying attention to what he was asking. He chuckled and bit my neck, pushing in a little bit further.  
“You wanna know why you want that, Frank?”  
“Mm?”  
“Because you’re a filthy little whore.” He spat, pushing in the rest of the way. I cried out and gripped the sofa.   
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry.” I moaned, feeling him thrust into me. He buried his face in my shoulder as he pounded himself into me mercilessly, his breath coming heavy and loud, a thin sheen of sweat covering his body, his hair sticking to his face.  
“God, you don’t know how pretty you looked, baby. So desperate for cock.” He grunted.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. God, I was so jealous.”  
“Oh, I didn’t-“  
“No. The good kind of jealous. The kind of jealous where I thought that my baby brother had better get his hands off of you so I can fuck you into my sofa.”  
“Right.” I gasped, suddenly short of breath. He smiled tiredly and pulled my mouth in for a sloppy kiss. I felt my stomach coil and whimpered. I meant to warn him, but his mouth was insistent against mine, and before I knew it, I was cumming hard, my hands digging into his arms as I covered him in cum. He moaned, grabbing my thigh, and pushed into me roughly, burying his face into my chest and crying out as he finished inside me, his cock throbbing gently against the walls of my ass, now sore from friction burn.  
“God.” I breathed as Gerard slipped out of me. He grinned and kissed me gently.  
“Mm, my thoughts exactly.” He beamed.  
“Do I really make you feel pretty?”   
“Yeah, you do. Nobody’s ever noticed before that I really like being pretty. Y’know, dressing up and being called princess and all that stuff.”  
“You’re fuckin’ gorgeous.” I breathed, kissing him. He hummed happily.  
“Come on, sweetheart, let me drive you home.” He sighed.

 

He’d barely even parked the car before Gerard leapt across the seat, pinning me to the door as he claimed my mouth, his tongue sliding past my lips.   
“So, I guess that means you had a good birthday?” I gasped. He pulled back and laughed.  
“Yeah, it was pretty good.” He said, biting his lip. I stroked his cheek gently.  
“Good. I wanted to make it perfect.”  
“You did. God, I’m so fucking lucky to have you, you know that? Wanted you for so fucking long.” He moaned. I kissed his forehead.  
“Well, you have me now, don’t you? And I’m not going away from you ever again. I’m gonna stay right here with you, no matter what, and when we’re ready, we’re gonna run away together and get married, and get a fucking cat, and maybe even a couple kids, and I will love you then just as much as I love you now, which is more than any one person could ever love anything.” I said. He replied by kissing me.   
“Yeah. I’m so lucky. God, I love you, Frank. I really, really love you. I’m sorry this isn’t easier.” He said, cupping my cheek.  
“I don’t care. I wouldn’t change this for the world.” I said, kissing him one more time, lingering softly against his mouth.  
“Mm, okay. Love you, sugar.”  
“You too, princess.” I beamed. I slid out of the car, and was just about to shut the door when he leaned over.  
“You know, maybe 38 won’t be that bad.” He smiled.


	39. Drugs and alcohol, baby.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drugs and alcohol abuse tw!

After school on Friday, I went straight to Joe’s place to get ready for the party. Because of the party, I couldn’t stay at Gerard’s house as I normally would on a Friday evening, so I was just going to go to his place on Saturday. He was, as far as I was concerned, completely fine with it, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty.  
“So, you’re sure it’s okay?” I asked for a thousandth time, holding my phone between my shoulder and my ear as I slid my tight jeans over my thighs. Gerard laughed.  
“Yes, I’m fine. Mikes is here, I’ll just hang out with him. It’ll be cool.” Gerard replied. I heard something like the click of a bottle cap and froze, jeans halfway up my legs.  
“Are you drinking?” I demanded. He sighed.  
“Yes, I’m drinking. Is that okay, Mom?” he snapped.  
“I thought you didn’t keep alcohol in the house.” I said, squirming on the bed as my ass pushed my jeans back down.  
“I don’t keep a lot of it in the house. I’ve got a bit. Mikey said it’s okay.”  
“Well, watch him.”  
“I think I know how to take care of my own brother, Frank. But thank you. Your 18 year old wisdom is definitely appreciated.” He muttered.  
“Just be careful, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Yep. Night.”  
“’Kay, love you.”  
“Good.” He said, a smile in his voice, and hung up. I sighed and, finally, managed to slip my jeans over my hips. I was sliding my lip ring into my mouth when Chris poked his head around the door, smiling.  
“All good in here?” He asked. I nodded and smiled.  
“Yep, all good.”  
“I thought I heard you arguing with someone.” He said, raising an eyebrow. I laughed softly.  
“Nah. He’s just being an idiot. It’s fine.” I murmured.  
“Still so weird to think about, dude.” Chris said, shaking his head. I laughed and bumped him lightly with my hip.  
“How about you stop thinkin’ about it then?” I laughed.  
“Stop thinking about what?” Joe said.  
“Nothing!” both Chris and I said, maybe a little bit too fast. Joe’s eyes flickered between us, but he shrugged it off and smiled again.  
“So all the booze and stuff is in the car. You ready?”  
“Yeah, let’s do this.” I grinned.  
  
From spending so much of my time with Gerard, I’d kind of forgotten how much fun it was to just hang out with my friends. On the car ride, we smoked cigarettes and played The Misfits so loud we were almost certain all the other cars could hear it.  
“So, I have weed.” Joe said suddenly. Chris’ mouth hung open.  
“Dude, no. I’m so not about that life.” He said nervously, his eyes darting to me. My mind flicked to Gerard, drinking on his own, probably pissed out of his mind right now, and shrugged.  
“Yeah, sure. You got it rolled already?” I asked, leaning back in the seat. Joe passed me back the joint and a lighter, and I lit up, sucking the smoke deep into my lungs. Already I could feel myself getting light-headed and I smiled.  
“God, Frank, you’re such an idiot.” Chris hissed. I rolled my eyes as I took another pull.  
“Ah, shut up, Chris. It’s not like I’m doing cocaine, is it? Just a bit of weed. Chill.” I said. He only raised an eyebrow at me and mouthed ‘Mr. Way’. I flicked him the finger.  
“I don’t give a shit, man.” I sighed out loud. Joe smirked and reached back for the joint, but I tugged it out of his grasp.  
“Nuh uh, honey. No drugs while you’re driving.” I smirked. He groaned and tightened his hands on the wheel.  
“I should’a got pills.” He murmured.  
“No, you really shouldn’t have! Jesus, Frank, that stinks.” Chris glared. I blew smoke out in his direction.  
“We’ll see if Anna’s got any.” I murmured, my eyes feeling heavy as I dragged the joint back up to my lips. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, but I didn’t bother checking it. I’d only brought my Gerard phone with me, so it was either him or Mikey, and either way, they could deal with it themselves. Out of interest, though, I checked, and when Gerard’s name came up, I just rolled my eyes and shoved the phone back into my pocket. As much as I loved Mikey, drunk Gerard was, at this moment in time, his problem. I was too busy having fun to care if my asshole boyfriend was getting drunk or not.  
  
The party was already in full swing by the time we arrived. Anna shot me a weird look when I came in, and dragged Joe to the side. I chuckled.  
“I feel like I wasn’t invited.” I said to Chris. He shuffled uncomfortably.  
“No, it’s not that.”  
“What?” I asked. Chris chuckled.  
“You really don’t remember? The Halloween ball?”  
“Um, I nearly got fucked into the wall by my English teacher, so yeah, I remember.” I sneered.  
“No, God, don’t you remember Anna? She got totally wasted and basically threw herself at you, and you rejected her.” Chris said. I laughed.  
“Shit, that was her? I had no idea.”  
“Yeah, well, it was.”  
“Dude, that was a long time ago. Does she really still hold it against me?”  
“She still has a thing for you.” Chris explained, smiling when Joe and Anna returned.  
“Hey, Frank. Glad you could make it.” She smiled. I nodded and smiled back, feeling vaguely uncomfortable now that Chris had told me that she had a thing for me.  
“Yeah, me too.” I said, hoping it was obvious how high I was.  
“Hey, Anna, do you have any pills?” Joe asked quickly. She bit her lip.  
“Um. No. I have weed, though.” She shrugged. I sighed and grabbed her wrist.  
“Sure thing, show me where it is.” I said, suddenly tired. She nodded and pulled me towards a small group of people huddling by the back door.  
“Someone hook Iero up with some weed.” She said, before returning to the main room of the party. A guy who I didn’t even know passed me a joint and I put it between my lips, lighting up.  
“How do I know this isn’t laced with some shit?” I asked. The guy laughed.  
“You’re lighting up.” He pointed out. I nodded slowly, sucking in.  
“Yeah, I mean, I don’t care if it is laced. But is it?”  
“No, dude, you’re cool.” The guy grinned. I nodded and started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm.  
“Hey, stay with us for a bit.” He said, holding out a bottle of beer enticingly – and hey, who was I to say no? I took the beer and smiled.  
“Thanks, dude.” I said, pulling the joint out of my mouth long enough to take a long chug of the beer, humming happily when I felt it warm my stomach.  
Of course, Gerard fucking Way had to choose that moment to call me. I passed the bottle back to the guy and answered the phone, taking a long drag as I did.  
“What?” I snapped.  
“Mikey yelled at me.” Gerard sighed, sounding pathetic.  
“You deserve it.”  
“I know. ‘M sorry.” He murmured. For a minute, I actually considered forgiving him, but I blamed it on the drugs.  
“You’re still a selfish asshole. You can’t be drinking around him, dude. It’s not cool.”  
“You’re drinking.” He pointed out.  
“No I’m not.”  
“You’re slurring.”  
“So are you.”  
“’Cause I’m drunk. And you’re drunk too.” He accused. I took another drag of the joint and smirked.  
“No, I’m getting kinda stoned though.” I admitted.  
“That’s really hot, Frankie.” He moaned.  
“You’re drunk. Everything’s hot to you.” I laughed.  
“Yeah, especially you. How about you come here and fuck me?” he slurred. I rolled my eyes.  
“How about you go to bed.” I murmured. He didn’t reply, so I just hung up.  
“Yo, who was that?” the guy asked. I shrugged.  
“Some guy I’m seeing.” I said, taking my beer back from him.  
“I’m Bob, by the way. Anna’s big brother.” He said with a vague smile. I nodded and shook his hand with my free hand, the joint sitting between my lips.  
“Hey. Frank.” I said. Bob nodded.  
“Yeah, I heard. You’re the one fucking your teacher, aye?” he asked. My eyes widened.  
“Uh, no?”  
“Sure you are, buddy. Hey, does he know about the other guy you’re seeing? Or was that actually him?”  
“It wasn’t him, because I don’t have his number, because we’re not fucking.” I said tersely. There was no way out of the situation without looking guilty, so I leaned against the counter, dropping the end of my joint into the sink.  
Maybe it wasn’t laced, but fuck was it strong. I found myself gripping the counter for support.  
“Hey, don’t sweat it. That guy’s a slut. Even I’ve fucked him.” Bob laughed. I chewed my lip.  
“You’re lying.”  
“Nah. It was like, I don’t know, September? I picked Anna up from school one day and he and I sort of got talking, and then bam, I was screwing him in my van.” He smiled. I felt a sick feeling take over my stomach that had nothing to do with the booze or the drugs, and took a deep breath to steady myself.  
“Oh. Nice.” I said briskly. Okay, it was before we started this whole thing, but it still hurt. I didn’t want to meet any more of Gee’s sexual encounters than I already had – and especially not while I was stoned.  
“Yeah. Good fuck, you know? Loud as hell.”  
“I bet.”  
“He made this cute little noise, like, “ah, ah, ah, more, please, ah,” and yeah, that was fuckin’ hot.” He smiled, taking a swig of his beer. I clenched my jaw because yeah, I knew the noise.  
“Sounds awesome.” I said politely. Bob rolled his eyes.  
“Dude, come on. I can totally see it. You’re totally fucking him.”  
“I’m really not. That’d be literally illegal.” I sighed.  
“So? I can’t imagine that stopping him. Like I said, the dude’s a slut.” Bob chuckled.  
“So I’ve heard.”  
“So, if you’re not fucking him, you won’t mind that we fucked for two hours, right? Or that he called me up like, I don’t know, maybe a month ago or two, and begged me to come fuck him again. That wouldn’t bother you at all, right?” He smirked.  
I knew the time period he meant – it was when we weren’t together. When I was with someone else, and when Gerard was turning to literally anyone for comfort.  
“Did you fuck him?” I asked, my voice hoarse, abandoning all hope of convincing him of my innocence. He smiled in triumph.  
“Nah. He came to my place and sucked me off, and then like, passed out.” He shrugged. I felt a chill run up my spine.  
“Oh. Gross.” I chuckled.  
“I almost fucked him, though, but I didn’t want to while he was all unconscious, you know?” Bob jeered. A hand on my shoulder stopped me from punching him in the face.  
“Hey, what’s going on?” Chris asked, concernedly. Joe stood a little bit behind him, his eyebrows knitted together.  
“I’m just telling Frankie about how I fucked his boyfriend not too long ago.” Bob explained. Chris’ face dropped of all colour, his grip getting harder on my shoulder.  
“Boyfriend?” Joe asked.  
“Yeah. Mr. Way. Or Gerard, to me and Frankie.”  
“Dude, he’s lying.” I hissed.  
“C’mon, Frank, you’re dripping with jealousy. Just admit you’re fucking him – everyone here already thinks it.” Bob said. Everyone who was in the room was staring, and I felt myself get uncomfortably hot. Then again, maybe that was just the weed.  
“That’s not true.” I said weakly.  
“Yeah, it is. It’s all anyone’s been talking about.” Bob was almost yelling.  
“Chris?” I asked, my eyes wide. He sighed and dropped his hand.  
“Yeah. Everyone’s been talking about it for a while now. I didn’t want to upset you.” He murmured.  
“Can someone tell me what’s going on?” Joe demanded. Bob smirked.  
“Your buddy Frankie has been fucking Mr. Way. I’d guess it’s been a while now. Go on, Frank. Try to deny it.” He jeered. I looked at Joe desperately.  
“Is that what you two keep talking about?” he asked hoarsely, his face going pale.  
“No, it’s-“  
“Oh come on. Anna’s told me all the times you both come into class covered in lovebites and scratches, or even smelling like sex. She’s told me about how you two look at each other and flirt with each other. You really thought nobody had noticed?” he spat.  
“Fuck you.” I hissed, tears threatening my eyes as I tore from the room, not even caring how I looked.  
I heard footsteps behind me, and was glad to see Chris and Joe running after me.  
“Can you just take me home?” I whispered. Chris put a hand on my arm, but Joe just stared at me.  
“Is he telling the truth?” he asked softly. I sucked in a breath.  
“Yeah, Joe. He is. Me and Mr. Way are, uh, together. We have been for a while.”  
“How long is a while?”  
“October.” I admitted. He narrowed his eyes.  
“It was him at the dance, wasn’t it?”  
“Yeah.” I sighed.  
“So you let us go through that whole damn thing, and you were already fucking him?”  
“It wasn’t like I could just tell you.” I groaned. Joe shook his head in disgust.  
“And why does he get to know?” he demanded, pointing at Chris.  
“He guessed.”  
“He guessed?” he repeated incredulously.  
“Yeah. He fucking guessed, okay? And apparently, so did everyone else, and now that asshole has pretty much confirmed it, and – fuck. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” I said, tears pouring down my cheeks.  
“You gotta tell Mr. Way, Frank.” Chris murmured.  
“He’s drunk.” I groaned.  
“Then wait until he’s sober, and tell him what happened. He’ll know what to do, okay? Just calm down.”  
“Are you being serious?” Joe spat. Chris and I looked up, confused.  
“What?” I asked. He shook his head.  
“Frank, you need help, okay? Tell Mr. Tucker or something, but just get help. What he’s doing to you isn’t okay, and you don’t need to-“  
“Wait, what? I’m not being _forced_ into this, Joe. I love him.” I said. He shook his head, his face set in a disgusted expression.  
“That’s bad, Frank. He’s manipulating you. He’s a fucking sicko, he needs to be locked away.”  
“God, no, it’s not like that!” I exclaimed, stamping my foot out of frustration. Joe clenched his jaw.  
“It’s worse than I thought. If you won’t tell, I will.” He sneered, storming away, back into the house.  
“Fuck!” I cried, kicking the tire of his car. Chris put both hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes.  
“Frankie, I’m going to steal Joe’s car and drive you home, okay? You’re going to call your boyfriend and make sure he’s okay, and then you’re going to go to sleep, and tomorrow, we’ll work this all out. Don’t worry about Joe, I’ll calm him down.” He said. I smiled a little and hugged him tightly.  
“You’re the best.” I breathed. He grinned as he helped me into the car because, fuck, I was so high I could barely walk.  
“Am I over-exaggerating because of the drugs?” I asked weakly. Chris laughed.  
“Maybe just a little bit.” He smiled.  
“You’re my favourite.” I sighed, leaning against him. He bumped my head up with his shoulder.  
“Hey now, don’t get too comfortable. Call him.” He said. I groaned and pulled my phone out.  
He didn’t answer until almost the last ring.  
“Whossis?”  
“Frank.”  
“Oh. Why are you calling me?” he said, sounding upset. I sighed.  
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”  
“My boyfriend is out somewhere doing a bunch of drugs, and I’m stuck here getting drunk on my own because my brother locked himself in his room. So, no, I’m not okay.” He spat.  
“It was only weed that I did.” I defended myself.  
“You still did it. Anyway, if you were checking that I hadn’t killed myself yet, you can rest assured. I’m not going to tonight.”  
“Okay, good. That’s good news. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Just try to get some sleep.”  
“Yeah, whatever.” He snapped.  
“I love you, okay?” I said gently despite my anger at him. He paused for a moment.  
“I love you too.” He sighed almost reluctantly. There was nothing left to say, and one of us hung up (I don’t know which one, of course. We were both fucked – it could have been either.) Chris looked cautiously at me.  
“Everything cool?”  
“Yeah. He’s being an idiot, but he’s fine. God, thanks, Chris.” I sighed.  
“No, you’re okay. You needed to get out.”  
“He fucked him, you know. Bob. He was telling me how they’d fucked, and how Ge-Mr. Way sucked him off not even that long ago. I wanted to fucking kill him.” I groaned.  
“You should’ve.” Chris laughed.  
“God, I love him. I love him so much, oh my God.” I breathed.  
“You’re drunk.” Chris pointed out. I gave him that one.  
“I do love him, though.”  
“Yeah, I know.”  
“Why does it hurt so much? God, take me to his house, please? I wanna see him.” I said, leaning forward. Chris shook his head.  
“Bad idea. He’s drunk, you’re drunk AND stoned, and you’re pissed off at each other. Just see him tomorrow like you said you were gonna.”  
“I’m so in love with him, Chris. Do you think he hates me? God, what if he hates me? I’d die if he hated me.” I sobbed. Chris patted my shoulder comfortingly.  
“He doesn’t. He loves you, okay? Just chill out.” He said seriously, parking in front of my house.  
“You need help?”  
“No, I got this. Thanks, buddy.” I smiled, staggering out of the car. To my delight, he stayed there until I fell through my front door, making sure I got in okay. I had no idea what time it was, but my Mom was already asleep, so I just dragged myself upstairs and fell asleep face-first into my mattress.  
  
I awoke with a groan, and the awareness that all of me fucking ached – especially my head, which was pounding. I put a hand to my temple to try and stifle the pain, smacking my lips at the dryness in my mouth. As fun as getting wasted and stoned was, it was never any fun in the morning.  
Or, as a quick check at my clock confirmed, the early afternoon. I dragged a clean shirt over my head, leaving my jeans as they were, and practically slid downstairs.  
“You got in late.” My Mom commented as I pushed past her towards the door. I was more eager than ever to sort things out with Gerard after last night – starting with how he’d been drinking around Mikey, and ending with him lying to me about only sleeping with Bert.  
“Yeah. Sorry.” I said grimly. She just rolled her eyes and dismissed me with a wave of her hand.  
“You’re 18. It’s not like I can control you anymore.” She sighed. I just smiled and shook my head as I walked out the door.  
I tried calling both Gerard and Mikey, and grew somewhat concerned when neither of them answered.  
However, my worrying was apparently for nothing, because Mikey answered the door when I arrived.  
“Hey, you didn’t answer your phone.” I croaked as I slid in the door.  
“Sorry.” He shrugged.  
“It’s cool.” I said, sitting on the sofa.  
“Want a drink?”  
“Huh? No. Where’s Gee?” I asked. Mikey sighed.  
“Passed out still. Want me to go get him?” he offered. I considered it, then shook my head.  
“Nah, it’s fine. He’d probably just tell you to fuck off.” I laughed, and Mikey chuckled in response.  
“So, you wanna talk about last night?” he said gently. It startled me.  
“Um. About what?”  
“Gerard said you were stoned?” he said gently. I pressed my lips together.  
“Yeah, I was.” I admitted.  
“He was pretty upset about that. I guess you know why.” He laughed dryly.  
“I didn’t really think about it. I just did it.” I groaned. He shrugged.  
“He wasn’t mad, just upset. He was worried about you, despite the alcohol.” Mikey shrugged.  
“Are you alright? I mean, he didn’t-“  
“No, I’m okay. I just sat upstairs and tried to ignore it. I mean, this is why I’ve got therapy, right? To sort this out. Apparently it’s working.” He said with a small smile.  
“I’m really glad.” I beamed.  
Gerard chose that moment to crash downstairs, wearing only baggy sweatpants. He cursed when he saw me.  
“God, Mikes, you could have mentioned Frank was here.” He snapped groggily.  
“We didn’t wanna wake you.” Mikey said, and Gerard just rolled his eyes.  
“So, how was your night, Frankie. Did you have fun playing with your drugs?” he asked.  
“Yeah. Did you have fun almost sending your baby brother into a relapse?” I hissed. He stopped dead in his tracks, his jaw locking.  
“Go upstairs, Mikey.” He said coldly.  
“I don’t think-“ Mikey began protesting, but Gerard fixed him with a cold, unwavering glare.  
“Michael. Upstairs. Now.” He snapped. Mikey groaned, but did as Gerard said.  
“I did not send him into a relapse.” Gerard hissed.  
“You could have. You fucking selfish dick.” I spat.  
“I wouldn’t have let that-“  
“You were pissed. You wouldn’t be able to stop him.” I said. He growled.  
“You’re such an asshole.” He snapped.  
“Yeah. Feeling’s mutual. Oh, Bob said hello by the way.” I said.  
“What? Who’s Bob?”  
“Bryar?” I said, assuming he had the same last name as Anna. Gerard blushed.  
“Oh. He was there?”  
“Mmhm. He told me everything. Including what happened when we weren’t together?” I said.  
“I didn’t want to upset you.” He sighed.  
“How many people?”  
“Seven.” He murmured reluctantly.  
“You fucked _seven_ people.” I said, my face blank. He nodded slowly.  
“Sorry.”  
I groaned and turned away from him.  
“Look, can you just grab me some pain meds, please? They’re in my cabinet in the bathroom.” He sighed.  
“Get them yourself.” I spat. He sighed and collapsed against the sofa.  
“Please, Frank?”  
“Fine.” I growled, marching upstairs. I guessed I knew which cabinet it was, and started rooting around. I was so focused on finding the medication that I almost didn’t see the bottle that fell into the sink. It was prescribed to Gerard, but it’d been given to him only about a month ago. The doseage was once a day, and it was supposed to last him six months – but it was almost empty.  
“Fuck!” I cried, slamming my hand on the wall as I jogged back down to him.  
“What the fuck, Gerard?” I asked, waving the bottle in front of him. He rolled his eyes.  
“Xanax. It’s for anxiety.”  
“Yeah, thanks, I know. Why do you have it?”  
“Because I was prescribed it.” He answered lazily.  
“Yeah, a month ago. Why is it almost empty?” I demanded.  
“Because I overdose. A lot.” He said unwaveringly. His response caught me off guard, and I spluttered.  
“You could die.” I murmured. He shrugged.  
“Yeah, I guess that’d suck, but there’s no high like it. Just so relaxed, you know?” he smiled.  
“Are you high right now?” I asked carefully. He seemed to mull the question around his head for a bit.  
“Mhm, yeah. I’m pretty stoned.” He nodded. I groaned in frustration.  
“You’re so fucking stupid sometimes, you know that, don’t you? Because of you and your stupid little fuckthing, the whole school knows about us.” I hissed. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief, but other than that, didn’t seem to be bothered by the news.  
“You told them?”  
“No. Bob did. Turns out, everyone already knew anyway.”  
“Well, that’s unfortunate.” He murmured.  
“And Joe’s threatening to tell someone. Is that just unfortunate?” I cried, desperate for a response. He dragged himself to his feet and sighed.  
“That’s crappy. Want a drink?”  
“No. Fuck, Gerard, if you’d-“ I said, but cut myself off. He spun around, an amused smile on his face.  
“Go on.” He said, looking positively predatory. I gulped.  
“If you’d just actually sit and think about it rather than getting drunk, you’d realize how serious this is.” I groaned.  
“Well, I am drunk. And stoned. And happy.” He snapped.  
“This is happy for you? Being a miserable, lonely, drugged up little slut who opens his legs for the first guy to blink in his direction? Your parents must be so fucking proud. I know your brother certainly isn’t.” I spat.  
I didn’t even see his hand coming until it collided with my face with a loud smack. I reeled back, looking at him in complete shock. Even he, as drugged up as he was, looked horrified.  
“You hit me.” I said weakly, still in shock. He staggered towards me, pulling me into his arms. I remained stiff.  
“Oh my God. Frank, I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry, God. I’m sorry, baby.” He whispered, kissing every piece of me he could reach with his mouth.  
“Stop. God, let me just, fucking, think.” I said, squirming out of his embrace.  
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. You just…I didn’t…” he spluttered. I put a hand to my face and winced. He’d definitely left a mark.  
“I can’t believe you hit me.” I said, expressionless. I didn’t even know how I felt about it. Really, I was more angry that he was stoned than anything else.  
“Me neither. I didn’t mean to.”  
“It’s because of the drugs, right?” I sneered.  
“No. I’m not using that as an excuse. That was all me, and I’m sorry.” He pleaded.  
“Why did you even get drunk in the first place? You’ve been doing so well, Gee.” I groaned. He sighed.  
“No, I haven’t. I just never told you how bad it was. And it’s bad, Frankie. It’s real bad.” He said with a shaky laugh. I couldn’t help but hold his hand, despite my anger.  
“Why? Aren’t you happy?” I whispered.  
“You make me happy, but when I’m not with you, it’s so easy to just-“  
“Of course it’s easy, but you have to fight for it.” I whispered softly.  
“I can’t fight anymore.” He groaned wearily, before making an odd hiccup-like noise, and vomiting the contents of his stomach onto the kitchen floor. Lip trembling, I held his hair back, rubbing his back gently and whispering words of comfort to him.  
“I’m so sorry.” He whispered as he retched again.  
“C’mon, honey, it’s okay.” I murmured. How could I possibly be angry with him when he was like this? Sure, he’d been irresponsible and selfish, but Mikey was fine, and at least he was admitting that the drugs and alcohol were a problem, rather than dismissing them.  
“I’m so sorry. Just leave me.”  
“What? No. Don’t be stupid.”  
“I’m not worth it.” He groaned.  
“Yeah, you are.” I whispered, helping him to stand on his shaky legs. His face was paler than normal, a thin sheen of sweat across his brow as his breath came heavy and labored.  
“I’ll help you upstairs.” I murmured, wrapping an arm around his waist and practically dragging him up the stairs and into his bedroom.  
“Want me to undress you?” I asked. He shook his head and curled up on his bed, patting the space next to him. I slid in with him, my arms circling around him as he rested his head on my chest.  
“So Bob told everyone we were together, and now your buddy is threatening to tell.” He said. I nodded.  
“Okay. Not good.” He laughed softly. I shook my head.  
“What do we do?”  
“We deny it like a couple of motherfuckers.” He smiled. I kissed the top of his head, combing through his hair.  
He pulled away from me then, turning to vomit over the side of his bed. Again, I rubbed his back comfortingly, and he wrinkled his nose when he came back to me.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.  
“Gee…I think you need help. You’re not coping, okay? Obviously, this is a lot worse than I realized, and I’m sorry for not noticing-“  
“No, I hid it. I didn’t want you to know.” He mumbled.  
“Well, whatever. I want you to get help, okay, honey? Do it for you, not for me.” I murmured. To my surprise, he didn’t argue, he just nodded.  
“Yeah, I’ll get better. I promise, Frankie, I’ll get better.” He whispered.


	40. I need you more than dope

I watched him sleep for a little bit, my hand combing delicately through his hair, until I couldn’t ignore the feeling inside my stomach any longer. Honestly, I didn’t even know how I felt about him at that point. He’d put his brother in danger, lied to me, hit me, and above all else, he was fucking stoned and drunk. I slid out from under him, knowing that it was unlikely that I’d wake him up, because he’d literally passed out. I saw that Mikey’s door was ajar, so I knocked lightly on it.  
“Fuck off, Gerard.” He snapped. I laughed lightly.  
“No, dude, it’s me.” I said.   
“Oh, sorry. Yeah, come in.” he said. I closed the door behind me and sat down on the edge of his bed, next to the desk he was sitting at, typing away on his computer.   
“He’s passed out.” I sighed. Mikey laughed lightly.  
“What else is new, right?” he sighed.   
“So this has been happening a lot?” I asked slowly. Mikey took a deep breath and turned so he was facing me.  
“He told me not to tell you, okay? I wanted to, but he told me not to because he wanted to do it himself. I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. I shrugged.  
“It’s not your fault. I just…why is he doing this?”  
“Because he’s an asshole. Like, literally, he’s doing it because he’s too much of an asshole to get help.” Mikey explained. I shifted uncomfortably.  
“He said he fucked seven people while we were broken up?”  
“Yeah, I guess that sounds right.” Mikey sighed. I chewed my lip and looked down. Mikey put a comforting hand on my shoulder.   
“I’m so sorry, Frank. You deserve so much more. Honestly, he’s so messed up, even I don’t know what to do with him sometimes. You’re 18, you should be going out and having fun, not worrying what he’s doing.”  
“It’s okay. I love him, you know? I’d kill for him. I just…I want him to be okay, Mikes.” I said weakly, trying to ignore the tears that spilled down my cheeks. Mikey put a hand on my cheek to brush the tears away and smiled softly.  
“Hey, c’mon. It’ll be okay. He’s a smart guy, you know? He just doesn’t know how to deal with things. We’ll get him help.” He said firmly.   
“I just want him to be okay, and he’s not okay. He’s never okay. I feel like a fucking failure because I can’t even make him happy. Fuck, I didn’t even realize the problem was this bad. He made it out to be like he just drank a little too much, I had no idea he was a fucking alcoholic drug addict.”  
“You forgot sex maniac.” Mikey said, smiling grimly, his hand still stroking my cheek comfortingly.   
“It’s so hard. I didn’t know it’d be this hard. I mean, I’d never leave him, but it’s just all going to shit. Not only is he slowly killing himself, but now the whole school pretty much knows that we’re together, and my best friend is threatening to rat us out, and fuck, everything’s fucking falling apart.” I sobbed, the tears flowing freely down my cheeks, my breath coming jagged and hard.   
“No, it just seems bad. Take things one at a time, okay? For now, just breathe. Panicking isn’t going to help.” He said soothingly, pushing my hair back from my face. I was thinking about how kind he was, and how lucky I was that I had him, and how he was making everything easier, and how fucking angry I was at Gerard, and how he’d fucking hit me.  
And then I was kissing Mikey. He made a kind of surprise jerking motion, but I held the back of his neck to me to stop him from moving away, my tongue prying his mouth open. He didn’t kiss back, but he didn’t pull away, his hand resting limply and kind of awkwardly against my neck. I let out an insistent whine, and pushed myself harder against his mouth, trying to get him to kiss back. He sighed and curled his hand around my neck, his lips – finally – moving softly against mine. Weirdly, it was that that broke me out of it. I fell away from him, my eyes wide.  
“Oh God.” I breathed, putting my head in my hands. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder.  
“No, it’s okay.”  
“Fuck, no it’s not. He’s fucking dying in there and I’m here trying to make out with his brother!” I whispered.  
“It’s not because you want me though. It’s because you want him.” He murmured, and oddly, it made sense.   
“I’m such an asshole.” I whispered, wiping the tears from my face.   
“No, you’re not. You’re a kid who has to deal with the problems of a mentally unstable, drug-addicted, commitment-fearing alcoholic middle-aged man.” He said with a dry laugh.   
“I’m gonna go grab him some water or something, okay?” I murmured, getting to my feet. Mikey nodded and gave me a small smile, before turning back to his work.   
  
I left the room with the honest intention of getting some water and painkillers for Gerard, but I heard a soft whimper from his room that caught my attention. Thinking he might be in pain, I peered in and gasped.  
He certainly wasn’t in pain – he was jacking off. I put a hand over my mouth to stifle the gasp that escaped my lips.   
“F-fuck. Yeah, fuck.” He moaned, rolling his hips up into his hand. As angry as I was with him, I couldn’t deny that that was fucking hot. He made light little “ah, ah, ah!” noises as he pumped himself, his eyes rolling up, his tongue sliding out to wet his lips.   
“Oh my-Frankie. Frankie, _fuck._ H-harder.” He whimpered. I felt my cock twitch because, fuck, he was fantasizing about me, and no matter how much of an asshole he was, that was always the hottest fucking thing.   
His eyes fluttered open then, and he made eye-contact with me before I could even move. His pupils were blown, and I didn’t know if it was because of the drugs, or because he was horny.   
“Oh G-God. Daddy, come here. Come help me.” He whined. Jesus, did he just call me _Daddy?_ My breath hitched as I stumbled into the room, my head still spinning from my hangover. He watched me hungrily as I approached him.  
“I’m sorry for hitting you, Daddy. I’ll be good now, I promise.” He simpered, biting his lip.   
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I breathed, feeling a bit overwhelmed. His head fell back as he fucked himself up into his hand.  
“Or you could always hit me back. Show me how angry you are.” He whimpered.  
“What?” I asked, not sure what he was asking. He wet his lips, batting his eyelashes at me, and I realized that yeah, he was still high as a fucking kite.   
“Spank me, Daddy. Punish me.” He moaned, rolling over so he was on his hands and knees, his bare ass in the air, his jeans tangled around his knees and his cock hanging heavy between his legs. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enticed.   
“When did I become your Daddy? I thought that was you.” I smirked, running my hand along his pale skin, the smooth curve of his ass. He whimpered.  
“N-no. You’ve always been my Daddy. I just didn’t want to say it. But I, um, I always wanted that. Always secretly called you that in my head.”  
“Right.” I smiled, letting my hand smooth over his skin again.  
“I’ve been so bad, Daddy. I’m so sorry, I’ve been so fucking bad.” He whined. It didn’t seem like a line from a porn movie this time, though. He was actually apologizing.   
“It’s okay.”  
“No it’s not. I’ve been so bad to you, and to Mikey, and to myself. Fuck, I just- just punish me, okay? Show me how angry you are.” He said, all seduction lost from his voice. Jesus, he was being serious.   
“I’m not going to hit you, Gerard. Not like that. I mean, for kinks and whatever, sure. But I’m not going to actually punish you.” I said. He growled at the back of his throat.  
“Please.” He begged. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into me.  
“Shh, no. Not gonna do that to you.”   
“I’ve been such a fucking asshole, Frank. God, I should die. I should just fucking die.” He whimpered.   
“No. No, baby, don’t.”  
“Why aren’t you mad?” he asked softly.   
“I am mad. I’m fucking livid. In fact, I’m so angry I don’t even know if I want to stay here anymore.” I said, surprisingly calmly. He hiccupped, frowning.  
“Why are you still here, then?”  
“Because I love you. And because we have a lot to discuss.” I said, brushing the hair out of his eyes.   
“Stuff, like how Joe might ruin everything?” he asked, sort of hopefully. I smiled sadly.  
“Yes. That, and how you fucked seven people while we weren’t together, and how you keep putting yourself and Mikey in danger, and how you actually just slapped me in the face.” I said gently, despite the rage bubbling through me. Despite all of that, though, I couldn’t bring myself to actually show him anger, especially not while he was being so soft and vulnerable.   
“I didn’t mean to hit you. It won’t happen again, I swear. You can leave me if it does. I’m not that guy, you know? I…I don’t know why I did that.” He breathed softly.  
“It’s not important. I mean, it is, but it’s the least of our worries. I want you to tell me about all the people you slept with.” I murmured. He took a deep breath.   
“The first one was some guy I found at a bar. I was crying and drunk, and he was crying and drunk, and I went back to his place and he let me call him by your name.   
The next three were random hookups, too. Just guys I saw at bars who had the same eye colour as you, or the same hair, or the same…whatever. They all looked like you. One of them was a girl, and she felt all wrong, but she had a nose that looked sort of like yours.  
So then there was Paul. He’s Mikey’s friend, and he came over to hang out with Mikey, and I um, I let him fuck me on Mikey’s bed while he went out to get some milk or whatever. I don’t remember.” He sighed.   
And then there was Bob. I called him because I was drunk and horny and I missed you, and I told him about you, and he said you sounded like an asshole, and I said that you weren’t, that you were perfect, and then he made me suck his dick, and I let him cum on my face, and he kept calling me a whore, and I kept calling him Daddy, and he spanked me every time I started crying, and then I think I passed out.   
And Bert was the last one.” He said, not looking at me.  
“Why did you lie?” I asked shakily.   
“For the same reason I always lie to you, sweetheart. Because I’m no good, and I don’t want you to ever find out how wrong I am for you.” He whispered.   
“I already know that you’re wrong for me. You’re selfish and stubborn, and you don’t give a damn about anyone but yourself. You’re a drunk and a druggie, and you’ll suck anyone’s cock if they compliment you, and let them cum on your face if they promise they won’t leave you. You’re not just wrong for me, Gee, you’re kind of wrong for anybody.”  
“Oh.”  
“But the thing is, I’m kind of wrong too. I’m selfish and stubborn too, and I care way too fucking much, and not enough at the same time. I drink too much, and I smoke too many joints, and I’ll let anyone fuck me if it means I can make you jealous. I like pushing you to your very limits, just to see if you’ll still love me. I’m so fucking wrong for you, and for everybody, and I’m so in love with you, and I’m going to fucking marry you, and we’re gonna get away from all of this. And that’s why I’m still here, even though I know damn well you’re no good. Because I’m no good either.” I said, my voice sounding stronger than I felt. He put a hand delicately on the side of my face, stroking my cheek delicately.  
“I’m gonna get better, Frank. I need help, okay? Just…fuck, just help me. I can’t do this anymore. How can you expect me to live like this?” He breathed, tears clouding his eyes. I kissed him firmly.   
“I don’t. I expect you to get through this with me. Not alone, Gee, with me, and with Mikey. We love you so much, and we’re going to help you fight this.”

“I’m not worth fighting for. Just…just leave me. Fuck, I’ll leave you. This is me leaving you.” He said, choking on his tears. I smiled sadly and kissed his wet cheeks.   
“No it’s not. You’re going to be okay, and then we’ll run away together, okay? We won’t tell anyone, except maybe Mikey, and we’ll just go. But you’ve gotta hold on for me, baby so we can be together. We have to be together, we’re supposed to be together. No matter what, I will be with you every step. I will be right by your side, and we will face this together.” I whispered, pushing my forehead against his.   
“I’m so scared.” He whimpered. I kissed his forehead.  
“Me too. You’ll be alright though, yeah? Just you and me, baby. Focus on you and me.” I murmured.   
“I am. It’s all I want.” He replied, his hand matting down my hair.   
My phone, being extremely awesome and helpful, decided to ring at that moment. I groaned and reached for it, and my heart raced when I saw that it was Chris.  
“Hey.” I said breathlessly.

“Are you with Mr. Way?” he asked.   
“Yeah.”  
“Put me on speaker. I have to talk to both of you, as awkward as that is.” He laughed lightly. I did as he said.  
“Yeah, you’re on. He’s still stoned by the way.”  
“Thanks, Frank.” He muttered. I kissed his cheek.  
“That’s um, great. Look, I’ve been talking to Joe, and he’s still mega pissed even now that he’s sober. He thinks that Mr. Way like, I don’t know. Forced you into it.”  
“I didn’t.” Gerard insisted.  
“Yeah, I know that. Frank’s crazy about you. Joe doesn’t believe me.”  
“Why? Why is this so important to him?”  
“He said it’s because he sees you as like a brother, and he doesn’t want his brother getting hurt.”  
“But he’d never hurt me.”  
“I slapped you earlier.” Gerard pointed out.  
“He slapped you?”  
“Guys, come on! Yes, okay, we were arguing.”  
“Not cool, Mr. Way.” Chris said disapprovingly.  
“I didn’t mean it.”  
“Really, he’s already apologized. Can we focus?”  
“Sorry. Yeah. Okay, so I asked him if he’d at least talk to you guys before he did anything rash.” Chris said.  
“What’d he say?” I asked.  
“He agreed. He’s gonna come see you both on Monday at lunchtime. I suggested behind that wall at the coffee shop again.”  
“Great, okay. You’re coming too, right?” I asked nervously.  
“Yeah, of course. Don’t worry, you guys have something. He won’t be able to deny it.”   
“Thank you, Chris. This means a lot.” Gerard said sincerely.  
“It’s nothing, Mr. Way.”  
“You can call me Gerard, you know.” He beamed.   
“Um. I’d rather not.” Chris said uncomfortably, and Gerard smiled.  
“Have it your way. Thank you.”  
“It’s okay. Don’t slap Frank anymore.” He warned.  
“I won’t.”  
“Well, you might.” I said, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled darkly and kissed me.   
“I’m literally still on the phone.” Chris complained. We chuckled and hung up, throwing a couple more ‘thank yous’ to him.   
“I think…we’re gonna be okay.” I murmured. Gerard snuggled into my arms, pressing warm kisses to my throat.   
“Can we be okay and not move from my bed and cuddle all night?” He asked sleepily, closing his eyes.   
“You’re gonna be hungry once you sober up.”  
“Then I’ll eat your ass.” He said, smiling, his eyes still shut.  
“I’ll hold you to that.” I murmured, resting my head on the headboard.  
“Good.”

 

Of course, when I said that, I didn’t think I’d actually wake up at 2am to Gerard Way’s head in between my legs.  
“Shit, Gee. What are you doing?” I groaned. He smiled up at me.  
“Woke up. I’m sober. I love you. Your ass is nice.” He said simply, pushing his tongue lightly against me. I whimpered and rolled my hips down onto his face.   
“O-oh. Okay. How long have you been down there?” I asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable.  
“Not long.”  
“I thought I fell asleep with my jeans on?” I asked, looking at where they were thrown to the side. He shrugged.  
“Yeah, you did. Shut up so I can carry on eating you out.” He snapped. I nodded weakly, my head resting against the pillow as his fingers kneaded into my thighs, his tongue lapping hungrily at me as he moaned, his breath rough and heavy.  
“Mmph, Frankie. Taste beautiful. Could eat you out for days. Just fuck your pretty little ass with my tongue.” He moaned.  
“You sure you’re sober?” I laughed, petting his hair gently.  
“Mmhm. Promise.” He murmured, sliding his tongue inside me. I gasped and gripped the bedsheets, fighting the urge to buck up into the air.   
“Grab me some of that lube, sweetheart? Bedside drawer.” He said absent-mindedly. I did as he said, and he squeezed a generous amount onto his fingers. I winced as the cold liquid hit my ass as he spread it around with his fingers, dipping inside me occasionally. He leaned forward again and licked me, moaning heavily.  
“God, yeah. That tastes good.” He laughed, the strokes of his tongue getting heavier and faster.   
“Please, Gee. Fuck, just…fuck.” I whimpered, writhing underneath him.  
“If I fuck you, you’ve gotta be nice and loud for me, okay? I wanna see if we can wake Mikey up.” He said, smiling mischievously. I felt guilt drop in the pit of my stomach.   
“G-Gee…I have to tell you something.” I whispered. Shit, I’d completely forgotten about Mikey.   
“Hm?” he asked.   
“Earlier…I kissed Mikey.” I breathed. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah. I’m so sorry. It just sort of happened.” I said. He shrugged and continued to press kisses to my thighs, sliding his fingers into me, though I barely felt that because of the amount of lube he’d used.   
“There’s worse people you could’ve kissed. Just don’t do it again.”  
“You’re not mad?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“Um, no. Not really.” He said honestly. Oh, okay then.   
“Can I fuck you now, or are we gonna keep talking shit?” he asked, leaning forward and pressing a warm, strawberry-flavoured kiss to my lips. I smiled.  
“Yeah, you can fuck me. But you’ve gotta ask properly first.” I smirked. He blushed.  
“Oh God, no.” he said, mortified. My eyes glittered.  
“You’re not getting anywhere near my ass until you do.” I said defiantly, despite the fact that he actually already had two fingers buried in me.   
“I just said that ‘cause I was stoned!” he exclaimed.   
“You mean you don’t want me to be your Daddy, sweetheart?” I purred, stroking his hair. He bit his lip and moaned.  
“Yeah, I do.” He breathed.  
“Well. Say it then.” I demanded.

“P-please Daddy. Can I fuck your tight little ass? Let me stretch you out, Daddy, I promise it’ll be so good…” he whimpered, pressing the hardness in his jeans against my thigh to extenuate his point. I stroked a hand down his chest and nodded.  
“Yeah, princess. Fuck me.” I gasped. I heard him moan as he tugged his shirt off and slipped his jeans off.   
“I never got to cum earlier, Daddy. It hurts so much.” He gasped, pushing the tip of himself inside me. I whimpered and wiggled underneath him.  
“Yeah, honey, like that. Give me all of it. Fill my tight little ass up with your cock.” I moaned.   
“Yes, God, yes.” He whispered, pushing the rest of himself into me. I gasped at the sudden fullness.   
“C’mon, honey.” I gasped, kissing his neck as he thrust deep into me, slamming against my prostate. I cried out and he smirked.  
“Louder.” He purred, holding my wrists down. I let a loud whimper rip out of my chest. He chuckled.  
“Louder, honey. Let me hear you.” He said, slamming into me. I moaned loudly, my head falling back.  
“Fuck. Louder. Fucking louder.”   
“I can’t.”  
“Yeah, baby, yeah you can. Be nice and loud for me.” He purred, pounding into me roughly.   
“G-God, Gerard. Fuck, yes! Yes, baby, yes! Fuck, harder. More, princess, give me fucking more.” I yelled. He smiled, rocking into me so roughly the headboard was smashing into the wall, the bed protesting with loud creaks.   
“Touch yourself, baby. Make yourself cum, and make it loud. I wanna make you scream.” He said, biting down on my neck, his hips still slamming into me. I moaned and jacked myself off roughly, trying desperately to match the pace that he was fucking me.   
“O-oh God. Fuck, fuck _fuck. Yes. Fuck, Gerard, baby.”_  
“That’s it, Daddy. Scream nice and loud.” He purred, licking along my jawline. I rolled my head back, my eyes fluttering shut as I came, a loud moan that was, to Gerard’s delight, almost identical to a scream ripping from my throat. I fell limp, my breathing hard as I stared up at him.   
“Fuck that.” I breathed, dragging a hand through my hair. He laughed lightly, pulling out of me.   
“Do you want me to-“  
“You’re fucking crazy if you think I didn’t already cum.” He laughed, resting his head on my chest as I dragged my hand through his hair.   
“I love you so much.” I whispered, kissing his head.   
I hadn’t noticed my phone flashing until Gerard reached over and grabbed it, laughing to himself.  
“What?” I asked. He just showed me, and I couldn’t help but a laugh a little myself.

 

**FROM: Mikey**

**(2:34am)**

Oh my god I hate you so much. I actually might throw up. So fucking gross.

 

“Oops.” He beamed.   
“I’m still mad at you.” I said with a light smile. He nuzzled into my neck.  
“I hope so. I hope you stay mad until I sort myself the fuck out.”   
“I will, don’t worry. And then I’ll marry you.”  
“Yeah, baby. You and me, right?”  
“Right.” I smiled.


	41. A mutual understanding

The majority of the next day was spent with Gerard and I researching different methods of therapy, and which ones we thought would be most helpful to him. Mikey contacted his own therapist and got Gerard an appointment for the following week, so now all that was left was to make sure Gerard stayed sober until then.  
That was made easier by me and Mikey emptying the bottles down the sink. I was worried about Mikey being that close to that much alcohol, but he just laughed and said it was ‘liberating’. We didn’t touch the pills, because we reasoned that he might actually need those at some point, but Mikey promised he’d keep an eye on him.  
“You know, I’m pretty sure that whole cold turkey thing doesn’t work.” Gerard snapped as he drove me home. Of course, he was pretty against the whole idea. I just rolled my eyes.  
“It’s necessary. If your new therapist says that it’s not the best thing, then we’ll go about it another way. Can’t you just try?” I sighed, seeing the diligent look on his face.  
“You both suck.” He said childishly in response. It wasn’t a ‘no’, though, which was helpful. I leaned in to kiss him softly, undoing my seatbelt.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Remember, we’re meeting Joe at lunch.” I said. He groaned.  
“Fuck, I forgot. Shit, Frank, I’m actually kind of worried.” He said nervously. I stroked his cheek.  
“Hey, Joe loves me, you know? Dude’s like my brother. He just needs to see that you’re not trying to hurt me.”  
“And if he doesn’t?”  
“I’ll convince him to keep his mouth shut. Don’t worry, honey, nothing’s gonna happen to us.” I said gently. He smiled a little out of the side of his mouth.  
“If you say so, sugar.” He sighed. I kissed him again.  
“I do. Goodnight, Gee.”  
“Night.” He smiled. As always, he waited until I got to my front door to drive away. I walked in and planned to go straight to my room to finalize the plans for tomorrow with Chris.  
My Mom, apparently, had other plans. She intercepted me on the way to the stairs.  
“Frank.” She said sternly. I sucked in a breath.  
“Hi, Mom.” I smiled weakly.  
“I got a letter from your school yesterday.” She said, walking towards the living room. I followed her in, chewing my thumbnail nervously.  
“Oh. What about?” I asked nervously. She waved the letter.  
“It’s from your English teacher. Mr. Way.” She said gently. My mouth dropped in genuine surprise.  
“W-what does it say?” I stammered. She smiled.  
“He said that you’re getting the highest grades in your class for this semester.” She beamed.  
“He did?” I asked. She nodded and passed me the letter. It was typed, but his messy scrawl signed it. Oh.  
“Well, that’s great.” I smiled.  
“I hope I didn’t scare you too much.” She laughed. I shook my head.  
“Nah, it’s fine.” I smiled. She leaned back.  
“Can I ask you a sort of awkward question?” she asked. I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say.  
“Um, okay?”  
“Do you know if Mr. Way is, um, single?” she asked, shifting uncomfortably. Now, this wasn’t unusual, really. Since Dad died, Mom and me were pretty open about relationships and stuff. The only thing that made it weird, of course, was that the guy she was referring to was literally my boyfriend, and possibly the love of my life. I coughed to hide my laugh.  
“Why do you ask?”  
“I just- he left his number at the bottom of the letter in case I need to ask him anything, I’m assuming, and I wasn’t sure if you’d be comfortable with me calling him.” She said. I shouldn’t have been finding this as amusing as I was.  
“I think he’s with someone.” I said quickly, not sure how comfortable I was with my Mom trying to flirt with my boyfriend.  
“Think?”  
“I’m pretty sure. He talks about them a lot. Sounds pretty serious.” I shrugged. She chewed her lip.  
“So I shouldn’t call him?” she asked. I felt pretty bad, if I’m honest. In a way, I wished I could just tell her, but I knew she’d go crazy.  
“No, Mom, I don’t think so.”  
“Is that because it’d make you uncomfortable?”  
“No, really. I genuinely do think he’s with someone. He comes into class with like, lovebites and stuff a lot.” I said, leaving out the part where I was the one giving them to him. Her face dropped a little.  
“Oh. That’s disappointing.”  
“Not really. He’s sort of an asshole, Mom.” I laughed. She smiled and nodded, and I took that as my cue to leave.  
“Ah, Frank?” she called. I looked over my shoulder at her, and she smiled warmly.  
“How was your weekend at Cameron’s?”  
“Oh, yeah, it was fine.” I shrugged, finally making it up to my bedroom.  
  
It was a toss-up with who I should call first, but since my conversation with Chris could potentially be long-winded, I decided on Gerard first.  
“Hey there, sugar.” He answered. I smiled.  
“What’s up with the letter you sent my Mom?” I asked. He was silent, then chuckled softly.  
“I didn’t think she’d show you that.”  
“She did.”  
“Oh. Well, it’s true. According to the test scores, anyway, you’re working at a higher level than anyone else in the class.”  
“I think it’s all of the cum I’ve been swallowing.” I said thoughtfully. He barked a laugh.  
“What makes you think that?” he smiled.  
“Well, if you’re smart, then surely, with the amount of your cum I drink, I’ll have like, absorbed some of it.” I chuckled. He sniggered.  
“I don’t think it works like that, Frankie. But I am proud of you. Exceedingly, actually.”  
“You didn’t even tell me.”  
“I didn’t think you’d care.” He laughed. Admittedly, I wouldn’t have if it was any other lesson.  
“Fair.”  
“Anyway, it gives me an excuse to talk about you to other teachers. You know, like, “did you hear about Frank Iero who got an A on his quiz?” That sort of thing. It’s not as fun as telling them sex stories, but we’ll get there.” He laughed.  
“Speaking of sex stories, I just had the most awkward conversation with my Mom ever.”  
“You told her you’d had sex?”  
“Um, no. Almost. She asked me if you were single.”  
“Oh God.”  
“Yeah. I said that I didn’t think so.”  
“Asshole.”  
“And then she asked if she should call you.”  
“Right.”  
“I told her not to.”  
“Good call. Damn, that would have been horrific.”  
“Be nice or I’ll tell her to call you right now.” I smiled. He groaned.  
“Your Mom seems awesome, but honestly, what even is the protocol for when your boyfriend’s Mother, who doesn’t know you’re his boyfriend, starts flirting with you? Like, do I hide?”  
“Hiding wouldn’t work. She’d drag you back.”  
“Shit. I’m so not looking forward to us telling her.” He sighed.  
“We won’t, then. I mean, we will, but we’ll do it as I’m walking out the door. Like, ‘okay, bye mom, I’m running away with my English teacher’ kind of.” I chuckled. He paused.  
“You’d do that?”  
“Yeah. And I will, just as soon as I graduate.” I smiled. He sighed.  
“Okay, well, I have to go because some asshole was too busy throwing away my booze to let me do my marking, so I’ve got to do it now.”  
“Okay, goodnight babe.” I sighed.  
“Night, darling.” He said, hanging up.  
  
My next course of action was to call Chris.  
“Hey, bro.”  
“Hey. Everything cool for tomorrow?”  
“Yeah. Joe’s not mad at you, by the way.”  
“Well, great.” I snapped. Chris snorted.  
“I mean, he’s not going to be off with you. He just wants to make sure that Mr. Way isn’t abusing you.”  
“You totally thought of a dirty joke when you said that.” I teased, and he groaned.  
“Yeah, and I hate myself for it. Anyway, the three of us will go to the coffee shop and sit at the table behind the wall, and then you get your boo to come find us, and we can all talk about what’s going down.” Chris said calmly.  
“Okay. Worst case scenario, what if Joe decides to tell?”  
“You and I can talk to him and try to talk him out of it, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll help you guys deny everything.”  
“Thanks, buddy. This is why you’re my favourite.” I sighed, leaning back on my bed. Chris gave a light laugh.  
“Joe means well, you know that. He just doesn’t understand ‘cause he hasn’t seen it. I think maybe I’d have a hard time understanding if I didn’t see you constantly choosing each other over the world, every single day.”  
“Yeah, and apparently everyone else sees it too.” I sighed.  
“Yeah, they do. Notice, though, that even though everybody thinks it, nobody’s said anything to you about it.”  
“Because they’d rather talk shit about me behind my back?”  
“No, because they’re not talking shit. I mean, the girls do a bit, because they’re jealous, but mostly, everyone sort of just…respects it. I guess it’s ‘cause you’re not like, weird about it. When I look at you two, I don’t see a student and a teacher who are fucking. I see two people who are desperately in love, and I think everyone else sees that too. I mean, they don’t know for certain like I do, but even the rumors are respectful. Like, there was this one rumor that you guys had had sex on Mr. Way’s desk or something, and I mean, everyone was kind of amused by it, but they mostly were just like ‘oh okay’. Nobody’s gonna be shocked if this gets out.”  
“Um. The teachers might.” I pointed out. He laughed dryly.  
“Yeah, okay. I mean, I think even some of them suspect too, if I’m honest, but as long as nobody finds out anything for certain, you guys are okay. Just keep this going until July.”  
“How do the teachers know?” I exclaimed. He chuckled.  
“Because you two really do stare at each other a lot.”  
“Right. Sorry.”  
“Hey, don’t apologise. It’s adorable. Actually, I’m sort of surprised that Joe didn’t notice earlier.”  
“I think he’s too nice to notice. Like, he didn’t want to make up shit, even in his head.”  
“Yeah, that makes sense. Anyway, when I saw you two in the coffee shop together, that kind of confirmed it in my head. I was thinking it anyway, of course, but actually watching you two together just made me realize that yeah, you two literally need each other. He’ll see that too.” He said softly. I smiled.  
“Thanks, buddy. I’m gonna get some sleep.”  
“Okay, me too. See you tomorrow.”  
“Yeah. Oh, and Chris?”  
“Yeah?”  
“We did fuck on his desk. Twice.”  
“Well, that’s the last time I ever touch that. Night, brother.”  
“Yep, you too.” I said, hanging up, suddenly feeling a lot better.  
  
That’s how I found myself, at about half past one, sitting in the coffee shop with Joe and Chris.  
As promised, Joe hadn’t been weird with me at all, and had actually apologized for his behavior. I assured him that it was okay, that we were both drugged out, and that we should ignore it.  
I apologized for lying to him, and he said he forgave me, but that he didn’t want me putting myself in danger. My protests that Gerard would never hurt me fell on deaf ears, so eventually I stopped trying.  
“So, have you guys read the new issue of Doom Patrol?” I asked, sipping my coffee. Both guys shook their heads.  
“Nah, I haven’t had the money to buy it.” Joe shrugged.  
“I’ll lend you mine if you want?” I suggested. He smiled.  
“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.” He said. I nodded and turned my head just in time to see Gerard walk in, his phone pressed to his ear. I hadn’t had my lesson with him that day yet, so I hadn’t seen him, and my eyes pretty much almost fell out of my head. Instead of his normal suit jacket and loose tie, he was wearing a band t-shirt and a leather jacket, with tight black jeans that made his ass look like it’d been carved by angels. He smiled and nodded when he saw us, and I saw Joe tense.  
“Please, just give him a chance.” I implored him. He squared his jaw.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to actually kill someone as much as I wanna kill him.” He growled. Chris stayed silent, his hand softly on Joe’s shoulder. Gerard raised one hand up in greeting as he slid into the seat next to me.  
“Yeah, that’s awesome. Thanks. Okay, I gotta go. See you then. Bye.” He said, hanging up. He gave me a sheepish smile as an apology and leaned in to kiss me, but caught himself when he saw Joe’s face, and leaned back, clearing his voice awkwardly.  
“Who was that?” I asked. He smiled.  
“Mikey’s therapist. I’m officially signed up and ready to go.” He beamed. I entwined our fingers and pulled him down for a quick kiss, ignoring the way Joe’s eyes widened in horror.  
“I’m so proud of you, honey.” I murmured, stroking his cheek. He chuckled, his smile bright on his face as he leaned in and kissed me again, before turning his attention to my friends, our entwined hands still resting in his lap.  
“Nice to see you again, Chris.” He nodded. Chris nodded back.  
“Joe.” He said, his eyes falling on him. Joe pressed his lips together.  
“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.” He Gerard said coolly. Joe raised his eyebrows in surprise.  
“You’re being pretty civil for a sex offender.” Joe snapped. Gerard laughed lightly.  
“I’m not actually a sex offender. Frank’s 18, remember?”  
“You could still get arrested.”  
“Uh, yeah. That’s true. That’s sort of why I was hoping we could clear this all up.” Gerard said softly.  
“Leave Frank alone and I won’t tell.” He said bluntly. Gerard breathed in sharply.  
“Ha, see, I think I’d actually do that. You know, it sounds like a fair trade. But I can’t.” he said. Joe raised his eyebrows cynically.  
“Why not?”  
“Because I think I’d much rather spend a couple years in prison than have to stay away from him.”  
“Is the sex that good?” Joe sneered. This was sort of out of character for him, and it was odd seeing him be so aggressive. Gerard chewed his lip and shook his head.  
“Do I look like I’m using him for sex? Would I be going through all of this if it was just for a fuck?” Gerard asked.  
“But you _are_ fucking him.” Joe sighed.  
“Well, not that it’s much of anyone’s business, but yes, we do, uh, ‘fuck’, as you so eloquently put it.”  
“Which is wrong.”  
“What’s wrong about me making love to my boyfriend, Joe?” Gerard asked, tilting his head slightly. I felt an electric current run through me when he said ‘making love’. It sounds silly, but he’d never called it that before, and it made it sound really, really nice. Joe sighed, clearly irritated.  
“It’s not making love though, is it?”  
“Isn’t it? I love him, and I want to show him how much I love him by making him feel good in any way I can, and that includes with my body. Isn’t that what people are supposed to do when they’re in love?” Gerard said slowly, clearly trying to talk about sex while trying to avoid any explicit detail. Joe snorted, seeing right through him.  
“But you don’t love him. You love fucking him. Look, Mr. Way, I don’t have anything against you as a person. Honestly, I’ve always thought you were pretty cool, but I won’t let you prey on my best friend. He’s like my brother, and I gotta look out for him.” Joe said, surprisingly civilly considering his previous behavior. Gerard nodded understandingly.  
“I understand that you feel protective, Joe. I have a little brother, and I’d probably be doing exactly what you’re doing right now if I thought he was in danger. He, uh, he just woke up from a coma that he was in for three years, and if I thought there was any way to prevent it, I’d go back in time and do what you’re doing now and more to keep him safe. I understand, Joe, I do. But you’re wrong.” He said softly.  
“I’m sorry about your brother.” Joe said gently. Gerard smiled.  
“He’s okay now.”  
“Does he know about Frank?” Joe asked, his voice slightly calmer now. Gerard smirked.  
“Yeah, he does. They’re really good friends, too. They actually gang up on me a lot, which is annoying.” He chuckled, and I smiled vaguely.  
“Even though he knows that you could get in trouble? He still lets you do it?” Joe asked. Gerard nodded.  
“Because he knows that I’d rather die than be without him.”  
“That’s stupid. You’ve lived like, thirty something years without him. Why is he suddenly so essential?” Joe asked.  
“I don’t know. I didn’t choose to love him. Sometimes I really wish I didn’t. Like, I’ll have nights where I’m in bed, and I’ve got a bottle of rum in one hand and a bunch of pills in the other, and neither of them make me feel the way he does, but he’s always so far away, so they’ll have to do. And it’s those times where I think ‘fuck, I wish I wasn’t so in love’. But I am. And you know what? Even though I know I’m nowhere near good enough for him, I really wouldn’t have it any other way.” He said, turning to me and stroking my jawline softly. I hummed happily and snuggled into his side.  
“Yes you are. You’re more than enough.” I murmured, not really intending for the other two to hear, but knowing they probably did.  
“God.” Joe groaned, running a hand through his hair.  
“What?” I asked.  
“I want to be okay with this, but I’m just not.” He sighed. Well, at least he was being honest. I leaned forward then, looking at him dead in the eyes.  
“Joe, please. I’ve never felt this before for anyone or anything, and I won’t ever again. Ge-Mr. Way is like, my other half. My better half. We’re like the same person. Please don’t tear me away from him. I’ve worked so hard to just be able to have him, and I don’t know if I’d live if you took him from me.” I said hoarsely. Gerard squeezed my hand. Joe shook his head.  
“But it’s just wrong. He’s your teacher, he should know better.”  
“I never know better, generally.” Gerard smirked.  
“You should. I mean, how can we be sure it’s just Frank? How can I know, for certain, that there isn’t some other random kid you’re lusting after?”  
“Because this isn’t about him being a student and me trying to fulfill a fantasy, Joe. It’s _him._ I’d love him if he were 20 years older than me, or younger than me, or the same age. I’d love him in any universe, in any world, in any dimension. It’s like he told you, we’re like the same person. We’re like…”  
“Soulmates.” Chris said softly, speaking for the first time since we’d sat down. Gerard smiled and ducked his head, and I couldn’t help but melt a little at how cute it was.  
“Yeah. Soulmates.” He chuckled. There was silence for a moment before Joe spoke.  
“Everybody knows anyway, right? That’s what Chris said. Everybody else already guessed.” He said. I nodded.  
“According to Chris we, ah, stare at each other a lot.” I murmured. Joe smiled softly.  
“Well. You kind of do, actually.” He said with a light laugh. I leaned back into Gerard’s waiting arms, and he pulled me closer to him, pressing a warm kiss behind my ear.  
“See, you gotta stop staring at me, sugar.” He chuckled.  
“Um. You stare at me way more than I stare at you.” I argued.  
“That’s not true.” Chris cut in.  
“You really do look at his ass a lot.” Joe murmured, his face pulled up into a small smile. I felt hope bubbling in my chest.  
“Well. It’s nice.” I said weakly in my defense. Gerard laughed gently, nuzzling his face into my neck, and I’d never been happier for the wall separating us from the view of the other customers (who may have been able to see us if they were actually looking, but they weren’t.)  
“You need to shave.” I said, pushing his head from out of the crook of my neck. He ran a hand along his chin and frowned.  
“You two are so married.” Chris laughed. Joe sucked in a breath.  
“You’re not gonna like, elope, right?” he asked. Gerard raised his eyebrows.  
“It wouldn’t be an elopement if you knew it was going to happen.” He smiled, tightening his arms around me. Joe sort of nodded in a way that said ‘well, fair enough’, and no more was said.  
“Baby, baby, baby.” I said, drumming my fingers on his chest to get his attention.  
“What, what, what?” he sang back, smiling.  
“You gotta go back.” I reminded him. His eyes swept up to the clock and he cursed under his breath.  
“That’s not fun.”  
“I’ll see you soon though.” I said, my thumb sweeping across his cheek. He groaned and leaned in for a kiss.  
“You kids and your need for an education.” He sighed. I pecked his lips softly, feeling them turn up slightly under mine.  
“Go be productive.” I said, practically pushing him away. He pouted at me, then turned to smile at the guys.  
“It was good to see you. And Joe, thank you for taking the time to listen. Even if you do decide to end things for Frank and I, I respect your choices. Like I said, I’d do anything for my brother, so I know how it is. I just hope you find it in yourself to realize that I would rather die than hurt him, because I’m honestly just so in love with him.” Gerard said. Joe just nodded, and Gerard took that as his cue to leave.  
I looked down into my now cold coffee, feeling nerves running through my body.  
“We should get going.” I murmured, dragging myself to my feet, feeling disheartened. Joe wore a disturbed frown on his face, and I just knew my days with Gerard were numbered. I put a hand on Joe’s shoulder and smiled.  
“Thanks for looking out for me, buddy. I mean, I don’t agree with you, but I appreciate that you’re just doing it because you love me.”  
“Can I ask you a really, really personal question?” he asked.  
“Sure.”  
“Who, um…you know. Who…” he said, making obscene hand gestures. I couldn’t not laugh.  
“Who goes on the bottom?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. He blushed and nodded.  
“Does it matter?”  
“Well, no. I’m just curious.” He asked.  
“He does, normally. I do sometimes, too, but he prefers when he is.” I said. Joe blushed redder and nodded.  
“Dude, if you want gory details, just ask for them.” I smirked. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.  
“It’s just hard to imagine, you know?” he said softly. Chris snorted.  
“Just wait until they start flirting in front of you. It’s sickening.”  
“Gross.” Joe said, wrinkling his nose.  
“It’s his brother you guys should be feeling bad for.” I said, a small smile on my lips.  
“Why?” Chris asked.  
“Because his room is next to ours.” I smiled. Both boys’ eyes widened and they looked horrified. I beamed at them.  
“I still don’t think it’s right, but…dammit, you guys are pretty cute. I can’t deny that. And he really does love you, Frankie.” Joe sighed, defeated. I beamed, bouncing on my heels.  
“Does that mean you won’t tell?” I asked hopefully. He sighed and chewed his lip.  
“I…I guess not. I mean, dude, it’s still fucked up, but you’re happy, and if he’s really not hurting you or forcing you into anything, then it’s none of my business. But the second I think it’s going too far, I’m speaking up.” He said. I grinned and pulled both him and Chris into a tight hug.  
“I love you guys.” I breathed.  
“I love you too. Also, your boy is gonna be real pissed at you if you’re late to his lesson.” Chris laughed.  
“Oh no, maybe he’ll punish me.” I said suggestively, wiggling my hips. Joe and Chris groaned simultaneously.  
“That’s nasty.” Joe sighed.  
“Get used to it.” Chris muttered.  
  
As it happened, we were precisely three minutes late to Gerard’s lesson. He looked up in fake annoyance when we tumbled into the class.  
“Nice of you to join us, boys.” He said coldly. Chris gave me a ‘what the fuck’ kind of look, but I just smiled reassuringly at him as I took my seat.  
“Something funny, Iero?” he snapped.  
“Um, no sir. Sorry.” I said. He raised an eyebrow and gave a short sigh.  
“Anyway, to answer your question, Katie, I think that we’ve pretty much finished Othello. Honestly, my job was to get you guys through Mockingbird, and since we’ve done that, it’s just gonna have to be us going back to analyzing short extracts and stuff. I hope that’s okay.” He said, smirking, ‘cause he knew we definitely preferred that. He leaned on his desk and chewed the end of his pen thoughtfully.  
“I think I want you guys to find your favourite quote from your favourite book. Or any book, actually. Just, a quote that you love. I think that’s important.” He said.  
He gestured to the wide expanses of the bookcase behind him.  
“If you want to sift through these, feel free. Or you can go on your phones, or whatever. A person’s favourite book says the world about them.” The last part, I imagine, was said more to himself.  
“Like you and To Kill A Mockingbird?” Anna asked. Since her party, I’ve wanted nothing more than to smack both her and her slut of a brother. Gerard smiled tightly at her.  
“Yes. But I wouldn’t say that that’s where my favourite quote is from.” He smiled softly, returning to his desk. One by one, students filed up to the front of the room to look through his small collection of books. I, however, already knew which one I was going to use.  
It was from Wuthering Heights, believe it or not. I’d read it a while ago, maybe sometime last year while we were studying those little extracts, and it’d been floating around my mind recently, considering everything. I thought about Gerard and his self-destruction, his addiction, his loathing, and I realized that I really couldn’t have chosen a better quote. I scribbled it down, remembering it almost completely from memory, and stared at the words on my sheet.  
  
A few minutes passed before Gerard stood back up, smiling softly at the class.  
“Okay, so who feels comfortable reading theirs out?” he asked. I pursed my lips and looked down at my desk. He’d know, very clearly, what mine was about if I read it, and I wasn’t sure how he’d react. Someone put their hand up, and Gerard smiled warmly at them as they read in a shaky voice. I thought I recognized it, but the book they named was unfamiliar to me.  
“Thanks, Jasmine. Very brave to go first.” He laughed. Nobody else put their hands up, and he smiled a little bit.  
“Would you guys feel more comfortable if I read mine?” he asked. Everyone nodded their heads. I leaned forward slightly, intrigued as to what he’d chosen.  
He cleared his throat, holding up a copy of the novel ‘Smack.’ I’d definitely heard the title, but I’d never read the book.

_“Sometimes maybe you need an experience. The experience can be a person, or it can be a drug. The experience opens a door that was there all the time but you never saw it. Or maybe it blasts you into outer space.”_ He read, his voice taking on that beautiful, silky hum that it had whenever he read aloud. I felt my teeth catch on my lip, a swelling in my heart. I knew what he was trying to say with his quote, and it stung me to the very core of my existence. Maybe I was taking it too literally, of course, but it sounded like his quote was either about me, or it was about drugs. What scared me, though, was that it might be about both. I rose shakily to my feet.  
“I want to read mine.” I said softly. He nodded solemnly, and I wondered if his message had been more intentional than I’d thought. I took a deep breath, my legs shaking.  
  
 _“May you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you—haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts_ _have_ _wandered on earth. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only_ _do_ _not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I_ _cannot_ _live without my life! I_ _cannot_ _live without my soul!'_ I said, my voice shaking with the force of the emotion I was trying to hold back. A noise arose from Gerard’s throat that was akin to a soft whimper, but he covered it by clearing his throat.  
“Interesting choice. I think it’s quite fitting that you read yours after mine.” He said, raising an eyebrow. I blushed.  
“I guess so. Can I ask you something?” I said, not really caring that everyone was around me, watching us. Apparently, they all knew anyway, right?He nodded slowly, sitting on his desk again.  
“Your experience. Is it a person or is it a drug?” I asked. I heard a collective breath being let out by the class. Gerard’s face contorted first into embarrassment, and then into pain. He looked up at me through his eyelashes.  
“Are you suggesting I do drugs, Mr. Iero?” he asked, his voice threatening. I sunk back down into my seat and smiled, realizing just how stupidly obvious I was being.  
“No, I was being hypothetical.” I said simply. He just smiled tightly and turned his attention back to the class. I buried my head in my arms, feeling like a fucking idiot, because I was one.  
The rest of the class read out their quotes. A lot of them had to do with love, but none were quite as intense as mine. Gerard’s eyes would stray to me occasionally, and his face would show true, raw pain, as if I was missing something important.  
  
I got my answer at the end of class. We were all starting to pack our stuff away, and Chris was already leaning against my desk, looking at me disapprovingly.  
“Way to make it obvious, Frank.” He said, smacking my arm. I sighed.  
“I’m sorry. It wasn’t that bad, was it?”  
“You covered it well, but it was still weird.” Chris admitted. I nodded slowly.  
“Frank?” Gerard called. I looked up, gulping hard. He smiled sadly at me. Some of the class was still in the room, and I assumed that that was why his answer was so cryptic:  
“To answer your question, my experience was a person. Of course.”  
“Right.” I said, shoving my books into my bag.  
“Can I see you for a second?” he asked. I nodded and made my way to his desk, ignoring the way my classmates stared at me as they left. He sighed and smiled.  
“That was risky.”  
“I didn’t mean to.”  
“It’s okay. I was more shocked that you even had to ask.” He murmured. I shifted.  
“I didn’t want to assume-“  
“You should assume. I choose you over drugs or alcohol or anything. Of course you’re the damn experience that blasted me into space.” He chuckled. I nodded. He pursed his lips before continuing.  
“I feel like your choice was somewhat intentional too?” he murmured.  
“I just love you a lot.” I sighed. He held my hand.  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m getting better, remember? You don’t have to worry about that.”  
“I didn’t mean to upset you. It just seemed like a potent quote.”  
“It was. It was beautifully chosen.” He smiled weakly. I kissed him on the cheek as I left.  
“Oh, Joe said he wouldn’t tell.” I smiled. Gerard smiled weakly back at me and nodded.  
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.” He sighed. I rocked myself back on my heels for a moment, unmoving. As if he’d only just realized I was there, he looked up and gave a slow, calm smile.  
“Is there anything else?” he asked in his ‘teacher voice’.  
“You told Joe that we um, we made love. I think that’s not true.” I breathed. He smirked and rose to his feet, nodding slowly.  
“That’s because it’s not true.” He murmured, his hands closing around my wrists.  
“What we do is fucking. You know, you’ll hold me down and fuck me into a mattress, or I’ll sit on you and ride your dick. It’s nice, but it’s fucking.” He said dismissively. I nodded gently.  
“But making love? That would be different. If I was gonna make love to you, Frankie, I’d start it off all sweet and slow.” He said, leaning forward and kissing me softly, his hands going limp around my wrists, and instead entwining with my hands.  
“And then, I’d kiss your neck, like this” he said, pressing his lips to the soft flesh of my throat, “and I’d tell you that I love you so much. I’d say that you’re everything to me.”  
“R-right.” I gasped. He smiled.  
“And then I’d lay you down like this.” He murmured, pushing me against the desk until I was lying down flat, and he was standing between my legs.  
“And then I’d slowly slide into you, sweetheart, all soft and slow, and I’d kiss your pretty little jaw while I did it, and you’d whimper when I filled you up. And then I’d hold your hands, like this” he said, his voice a thick whisper as he held both of my hands and held them down to the desk above my head.  
“And I’d rock into you softly, l-like this.” He breathed, grinding the hardness in his jeans against mine.  
“And baby, I’d show you how much I love you, and you’d feel it so entirely, so completely, that you’d cum just from how in love you are, and then I’d moan, and I’d say _oh, baby, yeah,_ and I’d cum inside you, and then I’d kiss you, like this” he said, pressing a lazy kiss to my mouth. I gasped, my whole body trembling underneath him.  
“I want that.” I gasped. He chuckled and kissed me softly.  
“Yeah, I do too. I’ll make love to you soon then, sugar. Fuck you all nice and slow. That’s what my baby wants, isn’t it?” he purred, stroking my hair. I nodded. He chuckled and kissed me, pulling me up from the desk.  
“I’ll see you tomorrow, love.” He sighed, leaning against the desk. That little tease.


	42. In which Gerard Way finally gets help

Gerard insisted that I came with him to his first therapy appointment, despite the fact that Mikey was already going.  
“But I need both of my boys with me.” He pouted. I rolled my eyes.  
“I’m already in the car, aren’t I? It’s not like I’m gonna leave.” I sighed. He let his hand rest softly against my thigh.  
“Thank you. It means a lot.” He smiled nervously.  
“They’ll probably let you take Frank in with you, you know, ‘cause it’s your first time, just to ease the nerves.” Mikey said.  
“How would I even ask? Hey, can my clearly underage boyfriend come sit with me?”  
“Um, not in so many words, but yes? Bear in mind that it’s legal as long as they don’t know he’s your student.” Mikey sighed. I held Gerard’s hand where it rested on my thigh.  
“Yeah, I’ll come sit with you if you want.” I smiled. He pursed his lips.  
“I do want you to, but I’m sort of worried that you won’t like what you hear.” He admitted sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.  
“It’s nothing I don’t already know, right? And even if it is, I won’t get mad. I want you to get better, okay? So just tell me how to make that happen.” I said, squeezing his hand. He groaned and leaned back against his seat.  
“We’re almost there.” He murmured, more to himself than to Mikey and I.  
“Seriously, dude, don’t be worried. They’ll just talk to you about your goals and stuff, and what you want to achieve and whatever.” Mikey said soothingly. Gerard snickered.  
“I’d like to achieve not wanting to kill myself.” He laughed humorlessly. I chewed my lip, and he squeezed my hand, sensing my distress.  
“I’m joking, sweetheart. I could never leave you.” He replied smoothly.  
“I hope not. I’d be too lonely without you to bug me.” I teased.  
“I’ll remind you, yet again, that I’m still here.” Mikey called. I chuckled.  
“You’re right. Hey, Frankie, climb over and suck him off for me real quick?” Gerard laughed, watching Mikey blush.  
“Shut up. Asshole.” He mumbled. I bit my lip to hide my laughter, and Gerard turned, grinning, and winked at me.  
“I’m joking, Mikes.” He smiled.  
“Well, you never know with you.” Mikey grumbled. Gerard chuckled as he pulled into one of the many empty spaces outside of the building. It was fairly small, with the whole wall made completely out of windows so we could see the receptionist inside. Gerard took a deep breath.  
“God, I don’t wanna be here.” He sighed. I kissed him on the cheek.  
“Yes you do. It’ll be fine, okay? Just imagine how nice it’ll be to not be so sad all the time.”  
“I’m not sad _all_ the time.” He purred, his hand sliding between my legs. I sighed and pulled away from him.  
“You’re not going to seduce me into letting you leave.” I snapped as I slid out of the car. He groaned and followed me, stopping to open the door for Mikey.  
“Really, Gee, it’s nowhere near that bad. I was dubious too, but they’re just trying to help.” He said, squeezing his brother’s arm. Gerard sighed.  
“I know. I guess I just…I don’t really want to admit that it’s gotten this bad. Like, up until now, I always thought I had some sort of control over it.” He murmured.  
“It’s fine.” Mikey reassured him one last time as we walked into the warm reception area.  
The receptionist, a thin, brunette woman, was on the phone when we got there, so we waited for a while, Gerard biting the skin around his thumb nervously.  
Eventually, she raised her head and smiled politely.  
“Um. I’ve got an appointment at 12?” Gerard said nervously. She smiled.  
“Okay. What’s the name?”  
“Gerard.” He said. She nodded and gestured to a door to her right.  
“Okay, just wait in there and someone will collect you.” She said. Gerard nodded and slipped his hand into mine. I noticed her arch her eyebrow slightly, but I ignored her.  
The waiting room was completely blue. The walls were light blue, and the sofas and armchairs lined neatly against each wall were dark blue. One man sat alone on the sofa against one wall, and two people – a mother and daughter, I assumed – sat across from him on another one, speaking in hushed voices. We sat down, and Gerard rolled my hand in his.  
“I’m nervous.” He laughed lightly. I kissed his cheek gently.  
“Don’t be. I got you.” I murmured.  
“Really, Gee. It’s nothing to be afraid of.” Mikey smiled. Gerard smiled back tightly.  
“I know.” He murmured, but he didn’t sound particularly convinced.  
  
A few minutes passed before a woman appeared at the door, holding a clipboard and smiling softly. She wasn’t specifically attractive nor was she unattractive, but her face seemed friendly enough, which I guess was beneficial.  
“Gerard Way?” she called. He nodded and stood up.  
“Can I bring my um…my…uh…”  
“Boyfriend.” I finished.  
“Yeah. Boyfriend. Can I bring him?” he asked nervously. She smiled, apparently not caring about the age difference.  
“If that would make you more comfortable.” She said, nodding. Gerard kissed Mikey on the forehead, before following her out of the room, his arm linked with mine.  
The walk to the room was silent, and Gerard kept shooting me worried looks, which I reassured with a smile.  
Finally, she stopped in front of a door and unlocked it, gesturing to the seats. Gerard and I sat down on one side of the table, and she sat at the other, smiling softly.  
“I’m Danielle.” She said as introduction.  
“I’m Gerard. Um, this is Frank.” He said, nudging me awkwardly. She nodded.  
“Nice to meet you both. You seem a little tense.” She noted.  
“Yeah, I am a bit.” Gerard confessed. She smiled.  
“That’s okay, it’s normal. I want you to feel relaxed though, okay? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. Remember, I’m here to help you, not to judge you. Anything you say to me will be kept confidential unless I think it’s appropriate for me to tell someone else in order to help you further, but I’ll discuss that with you first. Does that sound fair?” she asked. Gerard nodded.  
“Right. Okay, so let’s start with why you’re here. Why do you think you need help?” she asked. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Isn’t there like, a file or somethin’?” he asked. She smiled.  
“Yes, but I want to know what you think is wrong.” She explained. He nodded slowly.  
“I, um. I drink a lot, and I kind of overdose a lot, and I really really like sex and I sort of want to die.” He said, almost too casually. She didn’t seem surprised, though.  
“It says that you struggle with self harm, too?”  
“I wouldn’t call it struggling.” He laughed humorlessly. Danielle tilted her head.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I…kind of like it. You know, just…feeling something.” He shrugged. She nodded slowly and made a note.  
“Okay, so how about we talk about your goals. What do you want to get out of our sessions?” she asked.He took a deep breath.  
“I…don’t know.”  
“I think you do.” She challenged him. His eyes flitted to me, then back to her.  
“He’s um, completely legal, by the way. I mean, I know he has a bit of a baby face, and he’s really short and stuff, but he’s 18.” Gerard blurted. Danielle nodded.  
“That’s fine, like I said, I’m not here to judge.”  
“No, but you’d have to tell someone if you thought I was with someone who was underage, right? So I’m just letting you know that he’s not. He turned 18 in October and we didn’t start dating until after that, and-“  
“Gerard, it’s okay. Thank you for clarifying.” She said. He nodded.  
“So, um, goals?”  
“Yes. Goals. Can you think of three things you want to get out of coming to see me?” she asked. He considered this for a moment.  
“I want to be able to take my damn anxiety pills without swallowing half of the bottle and getting stoned. They do help, you know, but I’m worried that I’ve grown a bit immune to them.” He sighed.  
“It’s Xanax, right?” she asked. He nodded.  
“That’s a very powerful drug, Gerard. Please be careful not to overstep the doseage.” She said, almost like she was reading from a script.  
“Well, that’s the plan.” He chuckled. She smiled vaguely and scribbled something down.  
“Okay. So what else?” she asked. He sighed.  
“Um. I’d like to stop drinking so much. Like, I guess that sounds obvious, but it’s really shit. I don’t even like alcohol. I just…I don’t know. I just don’t know how to feel without it.” He admitted, blushing. I squeezed his hand and he smiled.  
“Okay. And finally?” she prompted. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her objective approach – it was almost like she was reading from a script.  
“I…I don’t know. Can a goal be that I want to stop hating everything about myself?” he sighed. She pursed her lips.  
“Yes. But can you be a bit more specific?” she asked. He took a deep breath.  
“I…I just hate all of it. My weight, my appearance, my stupid voice, the way I’m always nervous, how fucking awkward I am. I just want to be good enough, you know? Damn, that sounds stupid.” He chuckled. She shook her head and fixed him with a serious look.  
“No, Gerard. It’s not stupid at all. You might be surprised to hear this, but a lot of people feel the way you do. You’re not stupid, your fears are not irrational, and your feelings are valid because you feel them.” She said calmly. He nodded slowly.  
“You seem a little bit dependant on Frank.” She pointed out, gesturing to the way his body was almost curled around mine. He shifted a little bit away from me and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.  
“I am.” He admitted.  
“Tell me about Frank.” She said, leaning forward. Gerard flushed.  
“I-don’t think I-“ he stammered.  
“Where did you meet?”  
“I really shouldn’t tell you that.” He laughed airily, but I could tell that he really did want to tell her.  
“Why?”  
“Because, um, I can’t.”  
“As far as I’m concerned, Gerard, Frank is a consenting adult. Where you met him isn’t a big issue for me.” She sighed. He pressed his lips together and nodded, gaining courage.  
“He’s, um, one of my students.” He said, staring down at the floor. To my surprise, she just nodded.  
“I thought so.” She said. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Aren’t you gonna…I don’t know. Get me fired?”  
“No. As I said, Frank is 18. Despite your position, I think he has the capability to make his own decisions.” She said, smiling gently at me. I beamed back at her, entwining my fingers with Gerard’s.  
“Thank you.” He murmured, a light smile on his face. She narrowed her eyes slightly, thinking.  
“You’re kind of insecure about that, aren’t you?” she asked. He sighed.  
“Yeah. I mean, most of the time it’s awesome, but sometimes I just feel like a monster, you know? I mean, he’s just a kid. He has his whole life ahead of him, and I’m making him waste it with me.” He murmured. I bit my lip to stop myself from protesting. Danielle leaned back in her seat slightly.  
“So why don’t you leave him then?” she said bluntly. I widened my eyes, and watched as his jaw dropped as he scrabbled for words.  
“I- I mean, I could but I don’t know if I could, uh, you know-“ he stammered.  
“I didn’t mean to suggest that you should. I just asked why you don’t.” she clarified. He visibly relaxed his muscles and nodded.  
“Because I love him.” He murmured. She just wrote down on her little clipboard, not saying anything.  
“That’s fine. I was just wondering.” She said, smiling, as if he’d just told her his favourite kind of cookie. He looked almost as surprised as I felt at her calmness.  
“So, your goals are that you’d like to stop abusing drugs and alcohol, and stop having so much self-loathing. Is that right?” she asked. He nodded.  
“Is it possible?” he asked weakly. She smiled.  
“Of course it is. According to the forms you filled out before, your problems started when you were fairly young, which does make things slightly more difficult, but I honestly believe that you have the determination and the drive to at least try to fix things for yourself, and if you have that, then the rest is just a matter of time.” She said reassuringly. He nodded.  
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?” he laughed humorlessly. She shook her head.  
“No, Gerard. I just think that you’re very, very sad.” She replied.  
  
By the time we left the office and Gerard had booked an appointment for the next week, Gerard was already visibly more optimistic.  
“She said she’d be able to help, Mikes. Like, actually help.” He beamed on the car ride home. Mikey rolled his eyes, but grinned.  
“I told you so, Gee. It’s gonna be great.” Mikey chuckled.  
“She didn’t even care that Frank was my student.” He continued.  
“A student who’s going to fail all of his lessons if you don’t get him home.” Mikey reminded him. I tightened my hand where it rested on Gerard’s leg.  
“Aw, c’mon. I can stay for a little while.” I protested.  
“Nuh-uh, Iero. You can’t run away and elope with my brother if you don’t graduate.” Mikey teased. Gerard raised his eyebrows and chuckled.  
“He’s right, Frankie. You have a lot of work to do.” He sighed. I pouted.  
“Please? Just for a little while?” I begged. Honestly, I didn’t care at that point if I failed my other lessons or not – Gee hadn’t been this happy in ages, and I wasn’t going to miss it now.  
“Fine. Just for a little while, and then I’m driving you home.” Gerard said, acting annoyed.  
“Needy little shit.” Mikey coughed under his breath. I leaned back and smacked him on the knee.  
“Gerard, your boyfriend hit me!” Mikey whined mockingly.  
“Frank, if you hit Mikey again, I’ll hit you.” He said smoothly. I raised an eyebrow and leaned back deliberately, smacking Mikey lightly on the knee again. Gerard smirked, but didn’t say anything.  
“I think I’m going to keep score of how often you two make me want to literally rip my eyes out.” Mikey mused aloud.  
“Shut up, you love us.” I said, batting my eyelashes at him. He considered this for a moment.  
“Um, I actually really don’t?” he teased, kicking the back of my chair.  
“Um, shut the fuck up?” I replied. He rolled his eyes and leaned back, shutting his eyes.  
“Maybe if I don’t look at them they’ll go away.” He sighed to himself.  
“Mikey, stop being such an old man.” Gerard chuckled.  
“Says you.” He replied. Gerard laughed and rolled his eyes, inching the volume of the music up just a little bit, his hand resting gently in my lap, his fingers pressing softly against me. He bit his lip mischievously, and I glanced back at Mikey, who had his earphones in and was looking out the window.  
“Stop.” I hissed, He just smiled wider as his fingers, now more adventurous, began to slowly rub the ever-growing bulge in my jeans. I sighed lightly and let my head fall back, my mouth falling open.  
“God, Gee.” I whispered.  
“Yeah, baby?”  
“You’re such an asshole.” I groaned.  
“Awh, no I’m not. I just want my baby to feel good. Wanna thank you for coming with me today.” He said innocently.  
“Mmh, and normally I’d – oh, God – I’d be appreciative, but Mikey-“  
“Can’t hear us.”  
“Too risky.” I chuckled. He pressed the heel of his hand into me and I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut.  
“You really want me to stop?” he murmured. I nodded.  
“S-sorry.” I gasped. Obediently, he moved his hand away, squeezing my thigh.  
“That’s okay, honey.” He smiled genuinely, not even a hint of disappointment in his voice.  
“You’re happy.” I pointed out. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.  
“Mm. I think I might be, you know.” He said. I squeezed his hand.  
“Good. You deserve it, honey.” I murmured.  
He slid into the driveway, leaning forward to kiss me once we’d parked.  
“I think we should celebrate.” He purred. I arched an eyebrow.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah.” He smiled. Mikey groaned softly from the back seat and slid out of the car, stalking to the front door. Gerard giggled like a child.  
“He hates us.” He said brightly, pulling me out of the car.  
  
‘Celebrating’ turned out to be me pushed against the bedroom door while Gerard sunk to his knees in front of me, fumbling desperately with my belt buckle.  
“G-God, Gee. You don’t have to-“  
“No. God, just, shut the fuck up okay? Don’t even fucking speak.” He growled, tearing my belt out of the loops.  
“I-“  
“No. Shit, Frank, you talk way too fucking much. I just wanna suck your dick.” He gasped, sliding my jeans and boxers down. I moaned lightly and rested my head against the door as his tongue slid out to slide across the sensitive tip of my achingly hard cock. My tongue slid out to wet my lips as I leaned heavily against the door, my nails scratching at the wood as my breath came hard and heavy. Gerard curled his thin fingers around my shaft as he lowered his mouth down onto me. The sudden enclosure of me inside his warm, wet heat made me buck involuntarily, making him gag.  
And fuck, it was beautiful.  
“You can’t tell me to shut up with dick in your mouth.” I teased, forcing myself down his throat again. His eyes watered, his throat closing around me as he gasped for air.  
“More, honey?” I purred. He looked up at me with pleading eyes, his head bobbing slightly. I groaned and tangled my hand in his hair, forcing his head all the way down as I thrust roughly into his mouth. I felt him splutter and cough around me, but his hands gripped my thighs and forced me deeper inside his throat.  
His hand slid from my hip and down onto the growing problem in his jeans. His eyes begged my permission, and I nodded quickly. He moaned, and the vibrations ran up my dick, making me shiver. His hand palmed at himself heavily and clumsily as he slacked his jaw. I moaned loudly and thrust my hips deeply into him, almost crying out as I fucked his mouth. He moaned lightly around me, his hand moving harder and faster against himself.  
“M-make yourself cum. In your jeans, baby, like the fucking slut you are.” I breathed, my free hand caressing his cheek. He moaned loudly and I watched as his hand press roughly against himself as he rocked his hips up, sobbing loudly at the relief it brought him.  
“I’m not gonna cum ‘til you do.” I breathed, transfixed by the way he looked on his knees, his eyes desperate as he thrust into his palm, his hair wet from sweat and sticking to his forehead. God, he looked like such a slut.  
His hand gripped into my hip suddenly, loud, muffled cries escaping from his lips as his hips snapped into his hand and he rode out his orgasm. It was enough to push me over the edge, and I leaned heavily against the door as I filled his mouth, my cock pulsing between his lips. He fell away from me, panting heavily.  
“That…was…”  
“Good?” he asked. Already his voice sounded fucked-out and hoarse. I couldn’t imagine how it’d be tomorrow.  
“You sound like a slut.” I laughed. He pulled me down so I was lying down next to me.  
“Maybe ‘cause I am a slut.” He teased, pressing a warm kiss to my lips.  
“Nah, you’re not a slut. You’re beautiful, though.” I said.  
“I don’t think they’re related concepts. You know. At all.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes and flipped us so I was lying on top of him.  
“Mm. It’s very true though.” I sighed.  
“How true? How beautiful am I?” he giggled.  
“You’re more beautiful than the most beautiful thing you can think of.”  
“So, you?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. I groaned and rolled off of him.  
“Damn, you beat me at my own game.” I laughed. He shrugged and pulled me back into his arms.  
“Mm. Sorry, love. I’ll make it up to you.” He smiled.  
“Oh yeah?” I asked. He nodded. I beamed.  
“Make me coffee?” I asked. He smiled and kissed me hard.  
“I thought you’d never ask.”  
  
What started off as ‘just a little while’ turned into ‘just a little while longer’, and soon enough it was 10pm and I was still with Gerard. He was sitting on the sofa, cross-legged and a mug of coffee in his hand. I had my head laying in his lap as my legs stretched out on the rest of the sofa, and his free hand was stroking my hair gently.  
“Mm. School night, baby. I should take you home.” He sighed.  
“Aw, not yet. Please?” I asked. His hand scratched lightly at my scalp, revealing that he too had no desire to drive me home just yet.  
“Did you tell your Mom that you’re at Cam’s?” he asked. I nodded.  
“Well, then. I guess there’s no rush. I could always take you to school tomorrow.” He mused. I beamed.  
“Really?”  
“I don’t see why not. If we’re subtle.” He said. I was aware he was joking, of course, but I couldn’t help the way my heart raced.  
“I want that. Please.” I said quickly. He chuckled, shaking his head, and leaned down to kiss my forehead.  
“Why do you wanna spend so much time with me?” he asked.  
“You sound surprised.”  
“I am, a little.” He admitted. I rolled my eyes.  
“You’re beautiful. Like, God, fuck, Gee. So fucking gorgeous. I’m so fucking in love with you.” I said, suddenly overrun with emotion. He laughed, but it was soft.  
“You say ‘fuck’ a lot.” He pointed out.  
“You do too.”  
“Yeah. Guess there’s some irony to that.” He chuckled.  
“You’re a loser.” I murmured.  
“Yeah. You love me, though.” He smiled. I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his waiting lips.  
“Mm. I do love you. I love you very, very much.” I sighed. He kissed me back, then pulled away, frowning.  
“C’mon, angel. I gotta get you home.” He said sadly. I nodded and let him lead me out of the house, calling a quick goodbye to Mikey, who didn’t reply. What else was new?  
  
“Y’know. I might not kill myself.” Gerard mused between kisses. I pulled back and raised my eyebrows in surprise.  
“Um, what?” I asked. He shrugged and, out of habit, helped me undo my seatbelt.  
“I might not kill myself.”  
“I didn’t realize you were planning to.” I murmured. He shook his head.  
“I’m not. Honestly. It’s just always been an option, you know? But now it’s not. I think the therapist might help.” He smiled. I squeezed his hand.  
“I’m glad. I’ve been worried about you, honey.” I sighed, stroking his cheek. He covered my hand with his and smiled.  
“Don’t be. I know things were getting bad, and it’s gonna take a while…but I think this is it. I think I’m really gonna be okay this time.” He smiled.  
“Good. That’s really good, baby.” I beamed.  
“Thank you. For not giving up on me.” He murmured.  
“How could I ever give up on you?” I sighed.  
He just kissed me.


	43. Proud

The letter was waiting for me when I got downstairs, on a cool Saturday afternoon in the beginning of May. Gee had had a therapy appointment, so Mikey was the one who was picking me up, and we were going to grab Gerard on the way home. From there, God knows. Maybe we’d have just sat around and had pizza, or played video games, or read comics. Maybe Gerard would have taken me to his room, and I’d have fucked him against the wall and we’d have fallen out of the door, our legs shaking, our hair messy, our skin dotted with scratches and lovebites, with wide grins across our faces. Maybe we’d have sat on the sofa and watched a movie while Gerard slowly sketched my profile, smiling as the picture came to life under his skilled hands.   
Whatever it was that we _could_ have done, the existence of the letter in my life completely demolished it. My Mom smiled brightly as she gestured to it.  
“You got a letter.” She said. Yeah, thanks, I got that. I recognized the logo on the top, right hand corner of the envelope and opened it with bated breath.   
I wasn’t necessarily interested in getting into College. Honestly, I’d only applied to the school because Gerard was constantly bugging me about broadening my horizons, and how I had too much talent to waste doing nothing. Granted, maybe _this_ particular school wasn’t exactly practical, but it had a really good English program that I found interesting. A lot of creative writing, and the like.   
“So?” my Mom asked gleefully. I chewed my lip as I looked down at the official-looking black writing that stood in contrast to the stark white of the paper. I nodded, as if I was confirming to myself what it said.  
“Yeah. I got in.” I said, smiling softly. Her eyes widened and she beamed, pulling me into a tight hug.  
“Oh, Frankie! I’m so excited for you! Well done, baby, I knew you could do it.” She said, squeezing my cheeks. I smiled.  
“Thanks, Mom. I’m pretty stoked.” I said, smiling gently. Beyond all of the other emotions in my head at that moment, I was predominantly really fucking surprised.   
“You’d better get going. I’ll see you tonight, okay?” she smiled, kissing my cheek. I nodded.  
“Yeah, sure thing Mom.” I said. Her reminder that I wasn’t, for the first week in ages, staying at Gerard’s place dampened my mood somewhat, but I didn’t want to let it show.   
Apparently, Gerard’s therapist thought it’d be best if he had one day where he didn’t see me, meaning that Sundays were a totally no-Frank day. I pointed out to him that if he was jacking off while thinking of me, it counted as cheating. He disagreed.

 

Mikey was already outside when I got there, and he smiled when he saw me approaching.  
“Hey, dude.” he said as I slid into the passenger seat. I smiled, sliding my belt on.  
“Hey. Thanks for picking me up.” I said. He raised an eyebrow as he pulled away from the curb.   
“You mean, despite my not having a license?” he joked. I laughed.   
“Yeah. Despite that.” I said, rolling my eyes. Mikey laughed lightly and turned the music up a little bit.   
“Sucks about No-Sex-Sunday, huh?” Mikey said, his eyes glittering like he didn’t think it was a bad thing at all.  
“Is that what Gerard’s been calling it?” I chuckled. Mikey shook his head.  
“Nah, he’s been calling it ‘Sore-Balls-Sunday’. I like mine better.”  
“Yours is better.” I agreed with a smile. Mikey nodded in agreement.   
“Always is.” He murmured. My foot nudged my bag where it rested between my legs, and I was reminded again of the letter. An air of pure elation spread through me, but it was followed soon by nerves that I couldn’t quite place.   
“You seem weird today.” Mikey murmured.  
“I’m always weird.” I laughed, trying to change the subject.  
“Dude.” he snapped. I sighed.

“Okay. If I tell you, you can’t tell Gee, okay? I have to tell him myself.”  
“You’re pregnant.”   
“Wow, how did you guess?” I said mockingly. Mikey smiled.

“Okay, sorry. Yeah, I won’t tell.” He said. I took a deep breath.  
“I got um, an offer to study English Literature at University next year.” I smiled. Mikey’s face lit up.  
“No way! That’s too rad, dude. Proud of you.” He said, and I beamed. Despite previous encounters, Mikey had really become like a brother to me. It was nice, considering it was normally just Mom and me.   
“Thanks. It’s really awesome.” I said proudly.  
“So, why can’t Gerard find out? Surely he’d be glad that he inspired you to go study his subject at University?” Mikey laughed. I bit my lip.  
“He won’t like it.”  
“Huh?”  
“The Uni. He won’t want me to go there.”  
“Why?” Mikey asked. I took a deep breath.  
“It’s um. It’s in Canada. Toronto.” I said gently, entwining my fingers in my lap. Mikey raised his eyebrows.  
“Dude, that’s like eight hours away.”  
“I _know”_ I groaned. Mikey shook his head, parking the car.  
“That’s messed up. He’s gonna flip.” He said, taking his phone out and texting Gerard to let him know we were there.   
“I know. I don’t know what to do, Mikes. I’m so used to seeing him every day, but with work and my school and whatever, I just know we’re not gonna have time to see each other, and…I don’t know, Mikes. I don’t know if I can-“ I said, putting my head in my hands. He sighed and patted my back affectionately.  
“C’mon, we’ll work it out. Gerard loves you, man. He’ll find a way to fix it.”  
“Maybe I shouldn’t go.” I said hoarsely. Mikey rolled his eyes.  
“Stop being so fatalistic.” He snapped. I smiled at his bluntness, because (as usual), it was as necessary as it was annoying.   
Gerard walked out of the building then, calling a quick goodbye to Danielle as he approached the car and slid into the backseat.

“How are my two favourite boys?” he asked brightly. Mikey smiled, and I glared at him.   
“We’re great, thanks.”  
“Awesome.” Gerard said with an easy smile that I caught through the reflection on the mirror.

 

The majority of the car ride was spent with Mikey sending me sly glances, and smiling when I’d fidget uncomfortably, begging him with my eyes to not say anything. Each time, he’d just give me a light smile and turn his attention to the road. I wondered vaguely if it was an inherent Way thing to be a complete asshole, or did Mikey just become an asshole so he could put up with Gerard’s general assholeishness.   
Despite me thinking he was an asshole, though, he did keep his word, and didn’t say anything to Gerard.   
At least, not until he was already half way out of the car.  
“Oh, Frank has some news!” he called, running into the house (presumably so I wouldn’t punch him in the face like I was so tempted to). Gerard held the car door open for me, a light smile on his lips.  
“News?” he asked.   
“It’s not really news.” I laughed, letting him help me out of the car. He held my hand as we walked to the door.  
“It must be news, if Mikey’s excited about it.” He said warily, his eyes watching me carefully as we made our way to the sofa. I dropped down wearily and smiled at him, stroking his firm jaw line. He’d started gaining a little bit more weight, making his jaw line less defined – although, I definitely preferred him this way. It gave me more ass to hold onto (or bury my face in).   
“It’s not bad.” I reassured him. He let out a relieved breath and smiled.  
“Then what?”  
“It’s not bad, it’s kind of good, but it could be pretty bad. Does that make sense?” I asked. Gerard shook his head.  
“Ah, no. You’re kind of scaring me now, too, so it’d be great if you could just…” he said, gesturing with his hands that I should proceed. I took a deep breath and took his hands in mine.  
“You’re not proposing, are you?” he asked jokingly, but my heart panged at the small whisper of hope I heard in his voice. I chuckled.  
“Not today.” I murmured. He shifted a little and nodded in a way that said ‘shoot’. I cleared my throat.

“I guess…I got an offer from a University to study English Literature.” I smiled. He gasped and put a hand over his mouth.  
“Oh my God. That’s unbelievable! I mean, not unbelievable, because you’re wonderful. But wow, shit. I’m so proud of you, Frankie.” He beamed, pressing his warm lips to mine, his hands cradling my face. I sighed and leaned into the kiss, my arms wrapped around his arms.  
“Which college?” he asked excitedly when we pulled away. The smile faded from my face and I looked down, biting my lip.   
“Frankie?” he asked softly. I sighed.  
“University of Toronto.” I murmured.   
He was silent for a moment, and I could all but see the cogs turning in his head.   
“O-oh. Yeah. I’ve heard good things about it.” He said weakly, his lip trembling.  
“Gee, I-“  
“No. No, you should go. It’ll be great.” He said, making to stand up. I held his wrist and pulled him back down.   
“Gerard. Please.” I said. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
“Why did you even apply to a university that’s 8 hours away from me, Frankie? I don’t mean to sound selfish, I don’t, but I just don’t understand why you’d do that.” He said.   
“Because I liked it. Y’know, the course and stuff. It looks really good.” I admitted. He held my chin and kissed me softly.  
“It’s okay. You should go, sweetheart. Really. I don’t wanna get in the way of your education.” He sighed.  
“That’s ironic, right?” I smiled. He laughed lightly, but there was barely any humor in it. We were silent for a moment, my head resting against his shoulder, his hand lightly rubbing my neck.   
“We’d still be together though, right?” I said hoarsely. He was silent.   
“Gerard?” I said, turning so I was facing him. His face was wet with tears I didn’t even realize were falling. He sucked in a sharp breath and smiled, clearly embarrassed.  
“S-sorry.” He mumbled, wiping his eyes. I took his face in my hands, stroking his soft skin with my thumbs.  
“Hey, c’mon baby, don’t cry.”  
“I don’t know. To answer your question, Frankie, I really don’t know.” He said, before dropping his head into his hand, broken sobs escaping from his chest. I pulled him to me and held him tightly against me.  
“H-hey, baby. Come on, darling, stop crying. We’ll still be together, I promise.” I said weakly, not even sure if it was true.   
“How?” he sobbed.   
“I-I don’t know. We’ll call each other every night, and I can come down on weekends and stay with you.”  
“Yeah, at first.” He whispered.  
“What do you mean?” I asked softly. He pulled away from me and rested his head against the back of the sofa, his eyes staring blankly at the wall.   
“It’ll start with you having an essay. You’ll need to stay for the weekend so you can do that. And then it’ll be that you met some friends who want to go out on Friday night, so you’re just gonna stay there this week. Then you’ll start talking about some guy or whatever that you met in a coffee shop or in the library, and how you both like the same books, and how he kind of looks like me. And then you’ll tell me that you’re so sorry but you kissed him while you were drunk, and I’ll get mad and tell you that maybe you wouldn’t have if you bothered to come see me, and you’d get mad too and tell me how hard it is, and I’ll tell you to not even bother. We’ll make up from that one, though, and you’ll remind me that you’re in love with me, and I’ll tell you that I miss you so much that I can almost feel myself wasting away. A few weeks later, you’ll be acting weird, and I’ll know because I always know, and you’ll admit that you slept with this guy who looked like me, and it made you realize that his hair’s a bit too short to be mine, or that his hips were slightly wider, or that his mouth was a bit thicker than mine, and actually, he really didn’t look like me at all. I’d tell you that it’s okay, and that I forgive you, and t-that…and that I love you. And you’ll – fuck – you’ll leave me anyway, because you’re gonna get so sick of my constant romantic verses that I’ll send you, and my handwritten surprise notes won’t make you happy anymore, and having sex over the phone really isn’t the same thing. You’ll leave me, and I’m going to let you, because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re like my entire life now, and I can’t make you unhappy. Shit, Frank, I need you to just be happy, and so I’ll just let you leave me. No fighting for you, no romantic gestures. I’ll just let you leave.” He said, his eyes never leaving the white expanses of the wall opposite him. I looked down, the tears making wet trails down my cheeks.  
“You’re wrong.” I whispered. His head finally lolled to the side so he could face me.   
“No I’m not.” He said. I looked up at him through wet eyes and shook my head.

“Has it ever crossed that fucking stupid mind of yours that maybe I love you just as much as you love me? Have you even fucking considered the possibility that not seeing you would fucking kill me, that I would live for the days where I could see you again? How many times do I have to tell you that you’re _everything_ to me before you actually believe it? Gerard, you are the fucking love of my life, okay? I don’t give a shit if I’m only 18, I know. I just fucking know. How dare you even suggest that I’d forget you? What gives you the fucking right to say that there could be a world for me without you?” I spat angrily.  
“It’s inevitable.” He sighed. It would have sounded almost apathetic if he wasn’t still crying. I leapt to my feet and glared at him, my fists clenched.   
“Inevitable? It’s fucking _inevitable?_ Why not you? Won’t you stop loving me?” I demanded.

“No.” he said calmly. I turned around.  
“Fuck, why not? Why am I going to fall out of love with you, and you’ll stay in love with me? Why is that inevitable?” I cried. He shrugged.

“Because I know myself, and I know you. I will love you with the entirety of my being until the day I stop breathing, and you want to love me as intensely as I love you, but you can’t. I think what I’m trying to say, Frank, in the simplest way, is that I just love you much more than you love me.” He said, his voice weak. I just stared at him, nearly shaking with rage. He was wrong. He was so fucking wrong. How could he think for a minute that he loved me more? Hadn’t I shown him time and time again that I was completely in love with him?   
“Fuck!” I shouted, my fist connecting with the wall. I hadn’t actually _meant_ to punch the wall, but I couldn’t deny the rush it gave me.   
It also gave me a bloody and bruised knuckle, and a small hole in his wall, but I ignored that.  
“Frankie, you’re bleeding.” Gerard said, his voice small. I turned on him.  
“I don’t give a shit if I’m bleeding, you self-pitying, brooding asshole. You know I love you.” I yelled. His face softened, and I scowled at how it made my heart melt.  
“I know you do. I just love you more.”  
“That’s bullshit! That’s fucking bullshit, Gerard Way. I’m in love with you. I know I can’t do it properly, because I’m so new to this, and I-I don’t know. But you cannot love me more than I love you, because there is no ‘more’. I can’t imagine someone loving someone more than I love you. It’s so big and all-encompassing, and fucking _annoying_ that I can’t even think how you could beat that.”  
“I didn’t mean to offend you.” He said gently, reaching for me. I stepped away from him, shaking my head, tears still streaming down my face. I was starting to notice the throbbing ache in my hand, but I tried to ignore it.  
“Don’t touch me. Don’t even fucking touch me. I can’t believe you’d even fucking consider that.”  
“I just-“  
“No. Shut the fuck up. Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me. Just fucking sit here and feel bad for yourself and cry. Whatever. I don’t care, apparently.” I spat, storming out of the room, making a beeline for the stairs.   
“Frank, please.” Gerard called, following me. He reached for me again, and I pushed him back, maybe a bit harder than I wanted to, and heard a sharp smack as his back hit the wall. I winced.   
“Fuck, don’t. Stay the fuck away from me.” I growled, rushing up the stairs.

 

Mikey was already facing the door when I walked in, slamming the door behind me. His mouth quirked up into an amused smile.  
“So, he didn’t take it well then.” He murmured. I couldn’t help but smile despite the situation.   
Then I cried.  
“F-fuck, Mikes. He honestly thinks that-“  
“I know. I heard. Hell, I think the whole street heard.” He laughed softly, pulling me down onto the bed next to him. I curled into his side, sobbing softly as he stroked my hair.   
“I love him, Mikey. I love him just as much as he loves me.” I said. He nodded.  
“I know. I’ve never seen two people who love each other so much.”   
“Why would he say that? Does he genuinely believe that I don’t love him as much?”  
“No, of course he doesn’t. You just caught him by surprise. Gerard sort of likes to know everything that’s happening, and to be able to control it to some extent. With this, though, you’re gonna be too far away for him to really know what’s happening, and that scares him.”  
“I won’t cheat on him, though. I couldn’t.”  
“I know that, and he knows that too. He’s just feeling sorry for himself.” Mikey said gently, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.   
“I’m gonna miss him so much. And you. I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself.” I groaned.  
“You should go, though. It’s an awesome course at an awesome university. As much as he’s gonna try and say it’s not worth it, you know that Gerard will fight for you until he can’t anymore. That whole “I’ll let you go silently” bullshit is just that – bullshit. When has he ever done that before? He’s gonna fight, Frank, and you can be damned that he won’t fight fair.” Mikey said, smirking.   
“How?” I asked.   
“Well. Instead of handwritten love notes and all the other bullshit he was talking about, he’ll do things like send you naked pictures while you’re in a lecture, or he’ll buy you really fucking expensive shit that he can’t afford and have it sent to you. Or he’ll just turn up. You’ll get home one night and find him waiting for you. That’s the kind of shit he’s gonna pull when you get to college.’ Mikey laughed.   
“That sounds like fun.” I smiled.   
“It will be. And if he really thinks that you don’t want him, he’ll do everything he can to show you that he needs you, and that he loves you, and he won’t fucking stop until you actually break up with him. I agree with him only on that. If you actually _say_ that you don’t want him, he’ll go. He’ll make a scene first, though. Of course.”  
“It’s a moot point. I’m not leaving him. Ever.” I whispered.  
“Frank, you’re sort of bleeding all over me.” Mikey interjected. I looked down, reminded about the pain in my hand that had dulled somewhat.   
“Oh, yeah. I’m gonna go clean this up.” I said. Mikey nodded and kissed my head again.  
“Don’t worry, dude. He knows.” Mikey said simply. I nodded, smiled, and made my way downstairs.   
  
He was sitting on the sofa when I got down, sniffling softly. I felt my heart squeeze at the image of him, curled up, crying gently, and cursed him for being too cute to be angry with. He didn’t notice me, so I just retreated into the kitchen to clean and bandage my hand.   
That done, I made my way into the living room and sat down next to him. He sniffled again, turning his head away from me. I sighed and held his hand with my good hand, bringing it up to my lips and kissing his skin softly. His eyes fluttered shut.  
“C’mere, baby.” I murmured. His breath hitched a little as he turned to look at me, eyes wide. I nodded, and he curled into my side, like I had been sitting with Mikey only moments before.  
“Did I hurt you?” I murmured. He shook his head.  
“No, just winded me a little.” He replied softly. I kissed his forehead and he sighed happily.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you that hard.”  
“I know. How’s your hand?”  
“Yeah, it’s better, angel.” I said. He giggled.  
“I thought I was the one who dished out the pet names around here.” He smiled. I pressed my lips to the warm skin of his forehead again.   
“I guess I picked it up from you, huh?” I smiled. He leaned in and kissed me gently, his hand cupping my jaw and holding me to him. I sighed and pulled away, resting my forehead against his, his cheek cupped in my hand.  
“I love you so much, Gerard. My perfect baby. My gorgeous princess. Mine, okay? You’re mine. And I’m yours. Always.”  
“Always?” he asked weakly.  
“Yeah. Always, baby. No distance is gonna make me not love you. You’re so perfect.” I breathed, my fingers dancing down his face.

“’m not perfect. Not even close.” He sighed. I shut him up with a kiss.  
“Yes you are. You have no idea how perfect you are to me, baby. You’re my whole life, okay? Don’t ever doubt that, or forget that. Even if we don’t end up together, I will always be yours, and you will always be mine. I don’t care if I get married and have kids with someone else, I will forever be yours.”  
“That doesn’t even make sense.” He whispered.   
“When does anything ever make sense? You make things not make sense. Confuse me with that pretty little face.” I smiled.   
“Mm. Sorry.” he smirked.   
“Don’t be.” I grinned. He pulled me down for another kiss.  
“I’m sorry for what I said. I know it’s not true. I’m just scared.” He said softly.  
“Hey, don’t be scared. We still have, what, two months until the end of school? And the whole of summer. We’re gonna be okay, baby.”  
“I’m so in love with you it hurts.” He breathed.   
“Sorry.” I laughed. He smirked.  
“Don’t be.”

 

Unfortunately, by the time we’d finished our little domestic and actually talked through me going to University, it was time for me to go home. Gerard groaned and kissed me as we slid into the car.  
“I hate Sore-Balls-Sunday.” He spat.  
“Mikey’s thing is funnier.” I pointed out. He laughed.  
“Well, he doesn’t have to go through it.” He said, taking my hand.   
“In all fairness, Mr. Way, maybe if you weren’t fucking students, you wouldn’t have this problem.” I smiled innocently. He raised an eyebrow.   
“I’m not fucking students. I’m fucking one student.”   
“Maybe you should try picking on someone your own size.” I replied airily.   
“Maybe Mr. Iero should shut the fuck up.” He said brightly, pulling into his usual spot down my road. I bit my lip, my hand sliding between his thick thighs.  
“Maybe Mr. Way should make me?” I purred. He let out a broken moan and reached for me, slamming his lips against mine.   
“Good idea.” He growled, undoing his seatbelt and reaching over to undo mine. I laughed as he pressed me against the door, his hands rough and insistent on my hips.   
“Let me fuck you.” He growled. I gasped.  
“Here?”  
“Yeah. Right here.” He smirked, rubbing himself through his jeans. His head fell back and he moaned.   
“Please.” He added. I bit my lip again.  
“Yeah, baby. Yeah, okay.” I whispered. He moaned and reached for me, pulling my shirt over my head before capturing my lips in a kiss as he fumbled with my zipper. My hands worked at the buttons on his shirt for a bit, before I just tore it open. He groaned.  
“Stop ripping my shirts.”   
“I can’t help it. Gotta touch you.” I moaned, kissing his chest. He panted heavily, palming himself through his jeans.  
“P-prep yourself, baby.” He whispered. I nodded and sucked lightly on my fingers. He moaned and rubbed himself harder.   
“Take those off.” I snapped as I slid a finger into myself. He moaned and nodded, clumsily sliding his zipper down. I gasped as I fucked up into myself, curling my finger in the hopes of reaching my prostate, but failing. The angle was awkward, and my fingers weren’t as long as Gerard’s. I slid the second finger in, twisting slightly.  
“God, baby. Could watch you finger yourself all day.” He whispered, jacking himself slowly. I smiled vaguely.   
“Tell me how it feels, baby. Tell me how nice your fingers feel in your ass.” He murmured.  
“Feels good.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Feels so good, sir.” I moaned.   
“Do you think you could cum just from that?” he asked huskily. My eyes flew open.  
“No, sir. Need your cock. Need to ride you, please.” I begged. He laughed and leaned in to kiss me.  
“Yeah, baby, don’t worry. I’m gonna fuck you, don’t worry.” He whispered, pulling me onto his lap. It was tight, the steering wheel pressing into my back, but the thrill of it was unlike anything I’d ever felt. Anyone could look outside and see us fucking (well, maybe not. It was dark. But whatever) and the thought sent a rush of adrenaline through me. He held my hips hard as I slid down onto him, my head falling back with a light sigh as he filled me up.  
“Oh. Baby.” He whispered, almost in awe. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head against his, rolling my hips down onto him. He gasped and buried his face in my shoulder, biting down on the meaty flesh.  
“So hot, angel. So naughty aren’t you, riding your teacher’s cock right near your house? Could get me in some serious trouble, baby.” He smirked. I whimpered and leaned back, his nails scraped down my back and I cried out.  
“Sorry, sir. I can’t help it. I just…I want you.” I whispered. He gripped my thigh and held me roughly. I felt the car shake as he thrust into me and moaned lightly.  
“Mm, I know, baby. I know how much you love me fucking that pretty little ass.” He snarled. I nodded, my head falling forward onto his shoulder as I felt him thrust up inside me, taking control even though I was on top of him.   
“Harder. Fuck, harder.” I demanded. He was more than happy to oblige, burying himself even deeper, pushing me down as far as I’d go, and then thrusting up. I cried out, my hand clenching in his hair. I’d never felt so full before, and it was almost painfully pleasurable.   
“God, honey, so tight. So fucking tight.” He panted, fucking up into me. He kissed my neck, biting the skin softly, but not enough to leave marks. I wrapped my injured hand around his neck, and grabbed my cock with the other.  
“Can I cum?” I whispered, overwhelmed with how hard he was fucking me.   
“Yeah, angel. Cum for me.” he moaned, kissing my jaw line. I tried to match his pace, but I couldn’t, so I took to lazily stroking myself, focusing on the feeling of him moving inside me, and the absolute filth he was spewing into my ear.  
“Oh, Daddy, please cum for me.” He moaned. It was a nickname I still wasn’t used to, and it sent a chill through me each time he said it. The car was too hot, the air thick with the smell and feeling of sweat and sex. Our skin slid together, wet from sweat, his hair matted and clinging to his forehead.   
“Daddy, please.” He moaned, his hips thrusting erratically into me. I panted heavily, my hand squeezing my throbbing cock as I came, biting down on the soft skin of his neck and covering his bare chest. He let out a choked cry as he pressed up into me, his nails digging into my thighs and small cries of “Frankie, baby, so good” slipping from his parted lips.   
There was some awkwardness due to the position in getting me off of him and back into my clothes, but we did it eventually. His hair was a mess, his skin slick with sweat, and his ripped shirt pretty much just hanging off of him. He grinned widely at me, panting.  
“That was hot.” He breathed.  
“Yeah.” I agreed, smiling just as much as him.  
“I’ve never done that before. I mean, back seat, plenty of times, but right here? Fuck. That was new.” He said, biting his lip. I felt a rush of pride and leaned in to kiss him.  
“See you Monday.” I murmured. He nodded, clearly exhausted.  
“Hey, Frankie?”  
“Mhm?”  
“I’m really proud of you for getting into University. You have no idea how proud of you I am. I always am.”   
“Thanks, Gee.” I smiled, sliding out of the car and almost moaning when the cool air hit my overheated skin. I took a minute to make myself look presentable before walking the rest of the way home.


	44. A chance encounter

I came to the conclusion very quickly that Sundays were no longer good days. Where I’d normally be waking up with a gorgeous, usually naked, guy wrapped around me, I was now waking up alone in my own bed. I sighed and rolled over, nearly falling onto the floor. I grunted, annoyed, and rose to my feet.   
Without Gerard, there was very little to actually do today, which I found depressing, at best. I could have gone out with Joe or Chris, but I knew myself too well, and didn’t want to bother them with my moping about Gee (I think they’d probably thank me for that one, too).   
I guess I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t anything for me to do. I could do all of the accumulating school work I’d be ignoring, or I could do some research on the University of Toronto, or I could write that song I’d been meaning to write. Yeah, there was a lot for me to be doing, but the way I was feeling, it wouldn’t get done. I wasn’t sad, of course, because I’d literally be seeing him tomorrow. I was just really, really bored. I caught myself, more than once, reaching for my phone to text him, then having to stop myself. I wasn’t quite sure why his therapist believed that this would be good for us, but she seemed to be helping him, so I trusted her judgment. If one day without him meant that he’d be sober and happy, then I guessed I could deal with that one day of boredom.   
My Mom poked her head around the corner, then, breaking me out of my self-pitying.   
“Honey, I’m going into town. If you get dressed quickly, you can come.” She said. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Of course, going to town with my Mother wasn’t exactly my idea of a fun day, but she’d probably buy me lunch, and I was running pitifully low on books, so maybe I could check out the vintage bookstore. I nodded.  
“Yeah, okay.” I smiled. She beamed back and walked away, closing the door softly behind her. I let out a sharp breath and turned to my wardrobe, just grabbing the first things that caught my eye because, hey, I wasn’t out to impress anyone today. I glanced at my lip ring and considered not putting it in, but it’d been out for a while now, and I didn’t want the hole to close, so I fastened it. I was used to taking it out for class and stuff, and never really got the chance to wear it at Gerard’s place. Hell, I didn’t even think he’d seen me with it in. I recalled his strong distaste for needles, and assumed he probably wouldn’t approve.   
I brushed my teeth and hopped downstairs, smiling when I found my Mom already waiting by the door.  
“’Kay. Let’s go.” I said. She frowned.  
“No breakfast?”  
“We can get something out.” I smiled. She nodded, not even questioning it, and I grinned. Somehow, food always tastes better when you eat out (though, that might be because my Mother can’t cook).   
“We haven’t been out together in a while.” She said almost sadly as we slid into the car. My stomach twisted with guilt, but I plastered a smile on my face.  
“Yeah. I guess it just gets crazy, right?” I said softly. She nodded.  
“It’ll be hard with you all the way up in Canada.” She murmured.   
“You’re telling me.” I laughed bitterly. She frowned.  
“Is everything alright?”  
“Yeah. I mean, I’m gonna miss everyone, that’s all. It feels like I’m leaving my whole life behind.” I murmured. Maybe because I was. Mom smiled.  
“It always feels like that. But you’ll go and you’ll make new friends and everything over here will seem so dull.” She assured me.  
“I don’t want to. I can’t let them go.” I whispered.   
“Is this about Cam?” she asked sadly.   
“Y-yeah.” I stammered. She held my hand and smiled gently.  
“Yeah, okay, that’s difficult. But you two will make it work, I’m sure, and if you don’t, then I guess it wasn’t meant to be.” She murmured.   
“I don’t know if I can be away from him for that long.” I whispered, feeling tears prickle my eyes.   
“You’re going to have to, aren’t you, so you’d better get used to it now.” She said in that no-bullshit Mom voice that I adored in times like this. She parked the car and slid out, and I followed, feeling a bit better. The weather was nice, and it was nice to feel the sun shining on my face for the first time in a little while.   
“So, what did you wanna do first?” she asked. I rocked back on my heels.  
“I was thinking bookstore? I haven’t been in a while, and I’m sort of running out of books.” I smiled. She nodded and led the way, her heels clicking softly on the pavement.   
“It’s so warm.” She complained, pulling at the light fabric of her shirt. I laughed and bumped her with my hip.  
“It’s lovely.” I sighed. She chuckled and held the door of the store open for me. It was cool inside, and you could hear the air conditioner humming in the corner, clearly struggling for its life to keep running. Over top of that, there was the soft flow of acoustic music being played through the speakers. I sighed, breathing in the familiar scent of second-hand books. Donnie, the cashier, smiled as we walked in.  
“Frank! It’s been a while.” He smiled. I nodded politely at him.  
“Hey, Don. Yeah, thing’s have been a bit crazy.” I chuckled. He nodded understandingly, and me and my Mom continued into the store.  
“You get through books so quickly.” She sighed, a hand on my shoulder as I skimmed the shelves. I laughed lightly.   
“It’s because I have two friends.”  
“And Cameron.” She reminded me.  
“Yeah. And Cam.” I smiled weakly. She squeezed my shoulder and moved to look at some books on the shelf next to mine.   
My hand trailed over a tattered Edgar Allen Poe anthology. I pulled it out, smiling at the gold-encrusted front cover. I let my fingers slide across the spine and flicked through a few yellowed pages. It was gorgeous and, knowing this store, it was probably only like, two dollars.   
“Poe, huh?” came a familiar voice from behind me. I bit my lip to stifle my smile and turned around slowly. Lo and behold, Gerard was standing there, leaning against the bookshelf, a Starbucks cup held in his hand. He was wearing tight black jeans, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. My mouth actually watered looking at him.   
“Y-yeah.” I stammered, realizing I hadn’t responded yet. His eyes glittered with amusement as he reached forward under the pretenses of examining the book, but his fingertips grazed my wrist. I bit my lip again, avoiding his eyes.  
“Mr. Way!” my Mom called. I groaned, and Gerard paled slightly.   
“Mrs Iero. Nice to see you again.” He smiled coolly. I watched her eyes rake over him appraisingly and blanched. I mean, not that I could blame her, because he looked absolutely gorgeous, but it was awkward as hell nonetheless.   
“I was just talking to Frankie about his book choice.” He said, gesturing to the book in my hands.   
“Yeah. He’s very much into darker literature.” She said, nodding.   
“So I can tell.” He said, smirking.   
“Frank loves reading anything, though.”  
“Definitely. He certainly has a passion for my lessons.” He said, amazingly managing to keep a straight face.   
“Well, it’s what he’s studying next year. He actually got accepted into the University of Toronto.” She gushed. I looked up at Gerard through my eyelashes, and almost missed the involuntary wince he gave. He smiled softly.  
“Well done, Frank. You must feel very proud.” He said, his voice stony despite the smile on his face.   
“Um, yeah. I suppose.” I murmured.  
“Well. I’m proud of you.” He said, his gaze intense. I squirmed uncomfortably and looked back at the book in my hands.   
“I’m proud of him too.” Mom murmured, putting a hand on my shoulder.   
“You should be. Like I told you before, Frank is an astounding student, and an even better person.” He smiled, a little bit too brightly for a teacher talking about their student.   
“I’m sure that means a lot.” She said.   
“It should. Am I still your favourite teacher, Frankie?” he teased, his eyes glimmering again. I blushed hard, my hands sweating.   
“No.” I grumbled. Mom laughed.  
“He’s lying. He absolutely _adores_ you.”   
“Mom, really?” I snapped. Gerard laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear.   
“Don’t be embarrassed, Frank. It’s nice.” He assured me. God, I could literally punch him in the face right now.   
“Exactly, Frankie. Mr. Way isn’t judging you.” She laughed.   
“Please, Gerard.’ He said. She flicked her eyes up, and I almost gagged. Gerard pressed his lips together, obviously realizing his mistake.   
“Me and Frank were going to go for lunch in a bit, actually. You’re welcome to join us.” She said. I raised a hand to my mouth to hide my laughter as his eyes widened.  
“I-I’d love to, but my brother is actually waiting for me to get home. He sent me on a book run.” He lied. Mom nodded, disappointed.  
“Right. Well, maybe we could do it another time?” she asked.   
“Sure.” He smiled. Mom patted me on the shoulder and clicked away. As soon as she was out of earshot, he let out a breath, smacking his forehead with his hand.  
“Why did I say sure? Oh God.” He moaned. I laughed and he glared at me.  
“Shut up.” He snapped.  
“I thought I wasn’t supposed to be seeing you today?” I smiled, turning back to the shelves in front of me. He laughed, taking a sip of his drink.   
“You weren’t. But, being an English teacher, I actually tend to hang around bookstores a lot.” He chuckled. I raised an eyebrow.   
“I think that has less to do with you being a teacher, and a little bit more to do with you being a dork.” I said, rolling my eyes.   
“I wasn’t a dork when I was fucking you last night, was I, sweetheart?” he mumbled, smirking. I whimpered lightly. Somehow, seeing him here by chance made that whole side of our relationship seem somewhat surreal, and it kind of hit me that I was actually fucking (and in love with, of course) my English teacher.   
“Gee, not here.” I breathed. He chuckled darkly, his hand brushing the small of my back as he walked – seemingly innocently – behind me.   
“I mean it.” I snapped. He sighed.  
“You’re no fun, Frankie. I’m bored.”   
“And by bored, you mean-“  
“I want you.”  
“Right. Well, you can’t.”  
“Can’t I?” he asked, a hand reaching over to cup my ass. I jumped a little bit away from him, fixing him with a glare.  
“Gerard. I mean it. Stop.” I said coldly. I didn’t actually mind, of course, but I was worried we’d get caught. He sighed.  
“What? Worried your Mom’s gonna see us?” he teased lightly, but he did as I asked.  
“Literally, yes.”   
“So what if she does? So what if she walks around the corner and sees her son’s cock in his teacher’s mouth?” he smirked. I sighed and let my fingers trail up his arm where his jacket was pushed up to his elbows.   
“You’re too gorgeous for your own good. You know that, yeah?” I smiled. He laughed and entwined our fingers.  
“I’ve been told.” He murmured.   
“You’re being very risky.” I pointed out, pulling my hand away from his and walking a little bit away from him, not surprised when he followed.   
“You’re very hard to not touch, Frank. You’re very touchable.”   
“Fuckable?” I asked. He laughed, stroking my face softly.  
“Mm, that too. I just meant that you’re so beautiful, it’s like your begging for me to touch you all the time. I can’t help it.” He smiled. I took a step back, and his hand fell.   
“Well, you have to right now.” I said, kneeling down to look at a collection of books on the bottom shelf. It was a bad idea, in retrospect, and I really should have expected the way he brushed his fingers through my hair, his leg resting gently behind my head, his crotch practically touching my cheek.  
“Gerard.” I snapped, looking up at him. He beamed.  
“You just look so pretty.” He sighed. I rubbed my face along his thigh and he let out a soft, choked moan. I heard footsteps approaching, and he jumped away from me, turning to look at the books behind me. Mom smiled gently.  
“Frank, I’m gonna go pay for these. Are you done?” she asked. I glanced up at Gerard and bit my lip.  
“Not quite.” I smiled. She nodded.  
“I’m gonna wait for you outside, then. Don’t take too long.” She said. I nodded obediently. She reached a hand out to Gerard, who was blushing furiously.  
“It was nice seeing you again, Gerard.” She said. He shook her head.  
“You too, Mrs. Iero.”   
“Call me Linda.” She smiled. He faltered slightly.  
“Linda. Right.” He said weakly.   
“I’ll call you sometime to sort out that coffee.” She said smoothly. I glared at her, almost surprised at the jealousy that flared up at her words. Gerard’s eyes flickered to me, and his face softened.  
“Yeah, I mean, we’ll see.” He said politely.   
“Okay. Frank, I’ll be outside. Don’t bother Mr. Way for too long, okay? I’m sure he’s very busy.” She smiled. Damn, I hated when she spoke to me like a child.  
“No, he’s no trouble at all.” He said smoothly. “In fact, I rather enjoy his company.”  
Mom nodded and waved to me. I heard the bell ring on the door of the store, signaling her departure. Gerard kneeled next to me and held my chin, kissing me hard. We were ducked down, so nobody could see us, so I took the opportunity to kiss him back.  
“Don’t be jealous, sweetheart.” He murmured as he pulled away. I stroked his hair softly.  
“Mm. Sorry.” I smiled. He rose to his feet and walked slightly away from me.   
“I didn’t know you had your lip pierced.” He laughed. I touched the cool metal in my mouth and blushed.  
“I take it out for school normally.” I murmured.   
“You shouldn’t. I like it.” He said, the smile clear in his voice. I clicked the ring against my teeth.   
“I thought because of your needle thing-“  
“Not the same thing. Piercings are good on other people. Tattoos too. Just not on me.” He grinned. I nodded.  
“I’ll bear that in mind.” I smiled, rising to my feet. I was surprised to see him already looking at me with a soft, scrutinizing gaze.   
“You might just be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” He murmured.   
“I could say the same thing.” I said softly. He reached forward and snatched the small pile of books out of my hands.

“What are you-“  
“I’ll get these.” He said, walking away before I could argue.  
“Gee, no!” I called, chasing him. I grabbed his sleeve and he spun around, smiling.  
“What? Can’t I buy my boyfriend things now?” he asked.   
“No, you can’t.” I said stubbornly. He pressed his lips to my forehead.  
“Well. I’m going to anyway.” He said, his eyes glimmering with mischief.   
“Okay. I’ll punish you, though.” I said calmly. His eyes widened.   
“W-what?” he stammered. I shrugged, letting my lip ring click against my teeth.  
“You heard me. I’ll punish you. Well, I’ll punish you more. You’re already gonna get punished.”  
“Is that so?” he smirked.  
“Yep. First, for seeing me when you weren’t supposed to, and then for being such a slut.” I said coolly. He whimpered.  
“I’m sorry.” He breathed, moving closer to me. I shook my head.  
“Too late, Gee. You’ve been very, very disobedient.”  
“Sorry, Daddy. I’ll be good.” He panted. God, this was too much. I took the books from his hands, and he let me, his hands falling limply to his sides.   
“It’s not important now, is it?” I sighed, as if I was disappointed in him. Honestly, I was new to the whole ‘dominant’ thing, and it gave me an unfamiliar (but not unwelcome) thrill.   
“What are you gonna do?” he asked, seeming genuinely afraid. I lifted my hand and brushed a strand of hair back from his face.   
“You’ll see, princess. I’ll text you later.” I murmured. He nodded and leaned down to press a kiss to my cheek.   
“Sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry.” He rasped in my ear, his hand curling around my hip. I smiled, feeling a little drunk on power.  
“S’okay angel. Just take your punishment when I give it to you.” I murmured, stepping out of the aisle and into the main hallway, now in plain sight of Donnie, and essentially ending our conversation.  
“See you at school, Frank.” Gerard called over his shoulder as he exited the store. I nodded and gave him an awkward kind of half-wave as I passed the books to Donnie.   
“Who was that?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I pretended to be mortified.  
“My _teacher._ ” I said, widening my eyes. He laughed.  
“Oops, sorry. He’s an attractive guy.” He shrugged. I shook my head.  
“I’ve never thought about it.” I mumbled, handing my money over. Donnie laughed as he handed me my change and the books in a plastic bag.   
“Well, I guess that’s good. Don’t get involved with older men.” He said. I laughed.  
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Don!” I called, walking out into outside, sighing as the sun hit my face. Gerard was nowhere to be seen, and my Mom was texting. I approached her, smiling.  
“Sorry I took so long. Mr. Way and I got talking.” I said. She smiled.  
“No problem, honey. You still hungry?” she asked.  
“Starving.” I groaned. She laughed and walked me in the direction of Starbucks.

 

Mom seemed unusually pensive as we ate our sandwiches and drank our coffee.  
“What’s up?” I asked, tilting my head. She took a sip of coffee before replying.  
“I think we’re in a bit of a predicament.” She murmured.  
“What’s that?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. She looked me in the eye and smiled.  
“I think we’re both attracted to Gerard Way.” She sighed. I spluttered, choking on the gulp of coffee I’d taken.  
“What? No!” I protested, but I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. She chuckled.  
“It’s fine. Like Mother like son I guess.” She smiled, seeming genuinely not bothered.   
“It’s not like I have a chance. You probably have more of a chance than me.” I laughed nervously. She raised her eyebrows.   
“I don’t know.” She murmured. My heart slammed against my ribs.  
“What do you mean?” I breathed.   
“He kind of stares at you.” She said, furrowing her eyebrows. I chewed my lip.  
“No he doesn’t.” I snapped. She laughed.  
“Whatever.” She giggled.   
“That’d be weird though, right? Like, if he actually-“  
“Well. It’d be illegal.” She said, arching an eyebrow.  
“Yeah. But like…I don’t know.” I laughed, dismissing it.   
“You’re not…ah, thinking of going for it, are you?” she asked bluntly. I widened my eyes.  
“God no! He wouldn’t go for it anyway. But I mean, I wouldn’t either…” I stammered.  
“Good. I mean, like, he doesn’t actually stare at you. Or, he does, but I think he does that to everyone.” She said. I nodded.  
“Yeah. No, that’d be crazy illegal. And gross, ‘cause he’s old.” I said, wrinkling my nose, apologizing to him in my head. Mom pretended to be offended.  
“He’s not much older than me!” she cried. I laughed.   
“Okay, point made.” I smiled. She looked at me suspiciously over the top of her coffee cup, but didn’t say anything. I assumed she hadn’t caught on, otherwise she’d be questioning me like hell.   
I was only completely reassured, however, when she changed the subject. The only emotion I felt was, of course, guilt from lying. I always lied though, didn’t I?

 

The rest of the day was spent going in and out of different stores. These were mostly clothes, but Mom let me check out the record store and the comic book store as well. Needless to say, by the end of the day, I was pretty much broke, but I had an abundance of records, comics and books that I didn’t need. Mom rolled her eyes with a smile as I packed the bags into the car.  
“And you complain that you never have money.” She laughed. I shrugged.   
“I only bought the essentials.” I said.   
“$20 worth of comic books was essential?”  
“Very essential.” I said solemnly. “Besides, you bought a pair of shoes for the same price” I reminded her. She chuckled.  
“Okay, fine. Sassy little shit.” She teased. I beamed at her.   
“I’ve missed hanging out with you.” I admitted. She looked pleased, but not surprised.   
“I’ve missed you too.” She smiled.  
“Maybe we can do something like this every week?” I asked softly. She squeezed my shoulder.  
“Of course, Frankie. Just let me know when you’re free.” She said, like it was no big deal. That was one thing I loved about my Mom – she was so resilient. I’d practically ignored her for like 6 months straight, and she was still happy for me to go right back to where we started. I really did take her for granted. I found myself almost wishing that I wasn’t dating Gerard, because I knew he’d be so good to her.   
Almost, of course. I didn’t feel _that_ bad.   
It did remind me, however, that I had a punishment to dish out. I found myself surprisingly nervous about that. I wasn’t used to taking control, despite me normally being on top and being Gerard’s ‘Daddy’ (yet another chill ran through me. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to that). The fact was, no matter how much he liked to pretend he didn’t, he absolutely loved to dominate and _own_ me. I didn’t mind, of course, because it felt natural. He was older, more experienced, more sure of himself, so of course he’d take the lead. I guess I was feeling slightly insecure that I wouldn’t do it right. The whole car ride home, I played with my phone, wondering how I was going to bring it up. I couldn’t really just text him and tell him what I wanted. Or could I? Should I call him? I let my head fall back against the seat.  
“You alright, Frankie?” Mom asked. I smiled.  
“Yeah, I’m just sleepy.” I replied, smiling back.   
“That’s fine. Are you just going to go to bed when we get in?” she asked. I nodded.  
“Probably.” I said.  
“Okay. I’ll probably make dinner for about 7. Do you want any?”  
“Um. No, it’s fine.” I said. She nodded, sliding the car into the driveway. I tried not to seem to anxious as I helped her with the bags, helping her drag her bags (which, I’ll point out, were far higher in quantity than mine) into her bedroom, before locking myself in my own.   
Even after all that time of thinking, I still had no clue what I was going to say to him. Maybe it’d be best to just ignore it, and hope he didn’t bring it up.  
That plan was demolished, however, when he texted me.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(5:46pm)**

Daddy, I’ve been waiting all day. What’s my punishment? <3

 

I sucked in a breath, putting my head in my hands. I didn’t fucking know what his punishment was. It was a stupid idea, and I felt even more stupid now that I was trying to carry it out. I was an 18 year-old boy trying to dominate a 38 year-old man. It was unrealistic, and he was probably laughing at me right now.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(5:54pm)**

Sorry, I don’t know why I even tried to do this. It’s stupid. Sorry.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:01pm)**

Huh? What’s stupid?

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:03pm)**

This. Me trying to dominate you. I have no idea what I’m doing.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:06pm)**

You’re doing fine, baby. Trust me. Just tell me what you want me to do.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:08pm)**

I don’t know what I want you to do.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:13pm)**

What about this?

 

Attached to the message was a picture of his hand wrapped enticingly around his fully hard cock. I gasped. I’d never seen the point of sending dirty pictures until literally this second. Now I couldn’t work out why I’d never done it before. Feeling slightly flustered, I replied.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:17pm)**

Yeah, that’s real good, honey.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:21pm)**

What now, Daddy? I feel so bad for being a slut earlier. Punish me. <3

 

Well. Fuck it.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:24pm)**

Tomorrow, at school, I want you to come in with that butt plug in. I’m going to come to you first thing, and you’re going to give me the remote. You’re also going to wear one of the pretty things I got you for your birthday underneath your clothes, and you’re going to show me when I ask you to like the good, pretty little slut I know you are.

 

He didn’t reply for a very, very long time, and I was worried that I’d taken it a bit too far. Not wanting to push things further, though, I just put my phone to the side, and grabbed one of my new books.   
I barely got past the first page when he replied.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:49pm)**

I’m sorry, I literally just came and I had to clean up. That’s so hot, sweetheart. <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(6:51pm)**

Wow. You came without my permission?   
Wear a cock ring tomorrow. Slut.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:54pm)**

You’re going to kill me. Actually kill me. Anything else, baby?

 

**TO: Gee.  
(7:01pm)**

Your safeword tomorrow is ‘Daddy’. If you say the previously agreed safeword, I will ignore it. Even if (and especially if) we’re in front of the whole class, you have to say that in order for me to stop.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(7:04pm)**

I don’t know. Too risky.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(7:06pm)**

Do what Daddy says.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(7:14pm)**

Of course I will. Sorry for doubting you, Daddy. I love you. <3 xxxx

 

I didn’t reply to that last one. I lay back on my bed, feeling slightly flustered.   
Hell, I was feeling _a lot_ flustered.   
There was no doubt in my mind, whatsoever, that he wouldn’t do exactly what he promised to do, and that both excited and scared me. I really wasn’t sure how to actually carry out all of my threats, or if I should carry them out at all. Maybe it would be better to let the suspense run the whole thing. I groaned, slightly regretting having asked him to do all that stuff.  
It was too late now, though. Even if I asked him to just forget it, he wouldn’t. If anything, he’d just be more extreme to get my attention, or to prove a point, or some bullshit like that. He was insufferable, but God, did I ever love him.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(7:34pm)**

Daddy, you didn’t say you love me back :(

 

Yeah, fuck. This guy was going to be the death of me.


	45. "Stomachaches" (OR, in which Gerard is a fucking liar)

I was asleep, fast fucking asleep, when that fucker texted me.   
Granted, it was almost 7, and I’d have to wake up sooner or later anyway to get to school. Still, I wasn’t great at being woken up early.   
Groaning, I reached over and grabbed my phone, which was blinking at me.  
“Yeah, alright.” I grumbled groggily, rubbing my eyes.   
The message, however, woke me up completely as I leaned over my phone, afraid that it would go away if I took my eyes off of it.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(6:56am)**

Good Morning, Daddy. Woke up early to get myself all ready for you. <3

 

And attached was a picture of him in that fucking PVC lingerie I’d bought him, with fishnet stockings connected to the panties by suspenders. His long hair hung in his eyes, which were rimmed lightly with eyeliner, and his teeth were caught seductively on his lip. Behind him, probably placed intentionally, was a large, realistic-looking dildo. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I groaned and dropped a hand between my legs to palm at the growing bulge there.

 

**TO: Gee.  
(7:04am)**

Look so sexy Gee. Can’t wait to play with you later. <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(7:07am)**

I look so pretty, don’t I? <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(7:10am)**

Yeah, baby. Real pretty.

 

I slid my phone into my bag then so I wouldn’t be tempted to check it again, and tried to carry on with my morning routine as normally as possible, given the circumstances.   
I couldn’t remember the last time I was this excited. I pictured him looking all pretty and made up for me like he was in the picture, and had to stifle a moan – especially when I imagined him using that dildo on himself.  
“Fuck.” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. I looked almost as disheveled as I felt.   
I pulled my shirt down over my jeans as far as it would go in a desperate attempt to hide my boner from my Mom. That was an awkward situation that I desperately wanted to avoid at any costs. Luckily for me, she was preoccupied with eating her breakfast and reading the newspaper, so barely looked up when she said goodbye to me.  
The air was warm and sunny, and I sighed as it warmed my skin. This was honestly the best kind of weather. This was long drives down to the beach and drink a lot and go swimming while you’re drunk weather, or sit on the roof a 3am and smoke cigarettes and kiss someone weather. It was sit in the park with a boy with gorgeous eyes and talk for a little bit too long, and then run home weather. It was handholding weather; dye your hair weird colours weather. It was the kind of weather that allowed you to be in love, and to truly experience happiness. I frowned a little when I realized that I couldn’t do any of those things with Gerard. Not for another two months anyway. I guessed that it wasn’t a particularly long time, of course, but it was still too long a time to wait, especially when the sun was shining so brightly onto my cheeks.   
The school appeared in my line of vision and I walked a little faster, feeling like I was on a mission.  
If I couldn’t have romantic sunset make-out sessions, I was _definitely_ going to have this.

 

Because of the damn poster he’d hung on his door (which, okay, was handy when we were fucking on his desk), I couldn’t see him until I walked into the room. I smiled when he flinched slightly at the door opening, his eyes wide and pleading as I stepped into the room, closing and locking the door behind me.  
“Daddy.” He breathed. I smirked and leaned in to kiss him slowly, my hand cupping his jaw.  
“God, you slut.” I smiled. He beamed back at me, pulling my mouth back to his again. I stepped back and raised an eyebrow, holding a hand out expectantly. He brought the remote out from his pocket and placed it into my waiting hand, licking his lips nervously.   
“It’s so big. I’m so fucking _full_.” He moaned, letting his head drop back. I smirked and pressed the first button on the remote. He gasped and leaned forward, a pale pink blush tinting his cheeks.  
“O-oh.” He breathed, his hand tangling in his own hair.   
“Is that okay?”   
“Yeah, Daddy.” He murmured. I kissed his forehead softly.  
“Remember, you can’t say that unless you’re asking me to stop.” I reminded him. He whimpered.  
“What if we’re in class? I can’t just-“  
“Maybe try to be subtle, then.” I laughed. He groaned, dropping his head down onto the table and mumbling something about not ever being subtle. I tilted his head up for a kiss and ran a hand through his hair.  
“How fast do you think you can suck my cock, honey?” I asked suddenly. He looked up, eyes-wide.  
“Sorry?” he spluttered. I pet his face gently.  
“You made me so hard with your picture this morning.” I said by means of explanation. He sucked in a deep breath.  
“Let me see you, honey. Bend over for me.” I purred. He nodded and rose to his feet, putting his hands flat against the desk. He trembled as I touched him, and I bit my lip to suppress a moan as I reached forward to unzip his pants.  
“Take your shirt off so I can see it.” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his neck. He moaned softly, undoing his tie with one hand and bracing himself on the table with the other. He looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes wide.   
“You look so good with eyeliner on.” I smiled. He bit his lip, watching me as I slid his pants down.   
The picture really didn’t do him justice. The suspenders were tight against his legs, and the way his cock pressed heavily against the thin material of the panties was almost sinful.  
No, fuck it. It _was_ sinful. He was a sinner, and so was I, and we were both going to burn in hell. I moaned and pushed my fingers against his ass, whining when I felt the hardness of the plug that was buried there.  
“Oh, God.” He breathed, rolling his hips back into my hand. He’d managed to shuck his jacket and tie, and was just undoing the last of his shirt buttons. I watched with bated breath as he pushed the shirt from off his shoulders and turned around to look at me with wide, approval-seeking eyes. I moaned and leaned forward to kiss his shoulder, my hard cock pressing against the plug in his ass, moaning as the vibrations ran against my dick. I pushed the second button on the remote, and we both cried out.   
“God, that’s good.” He panted, rolling his hips back into me.   
“You look so pretty, Gee. Such a pretty little girl for me.”  
“A-ah. Yeah.” He breathed.  
“Bet you’d like me to eat you out, wouldn’t you, Princess?” I said, pressing more kisses to his shoulders, thrusting my hips into him.   
“Yes. _Yes.”_ He moaned, his head lolling forward. I reached around to the front and wrapped my hand around his cock, smiling when I felt the cock ring at the base.  
“Oh, you’re such a good girl for me.” I sighed, taking a step back from him. I turned down the plug a level, and heard his sigh of relief.   
“Get dressed, angel. Your class is gonna be here soon.” I smirked, walking backwards towards the door because, fuck, I didn’t want to look away from him until I had to. He whined and slowly shuffled around, throwing his clothes back on. I beamed, reaching for the door handle.  
“Wait, D-Frankie?” he asked, batting his eyelashes. I smiled smoothly.  
“Yeah, baby?”  
“Kiss me.” He said breathlessly. I smirked and pulled him in, pressing my warm lips against his, soft and pliable under mine.   
“So beautiful.” I breathed, kissing him again. He blushed and smiled adorably under my praise, and I wished I could stay with him.   
The obvious chatter of his class waiting to be let in, however, reminded me that I couldn’t.  
“Have fun.” I smiled, turning the plug up just one level. He gasped and smiled.  
“Fuck you.” He said through clenched teeth.

 

The remote didn’t have much of a range, which was both a blessing and a curse. It meant that I could only play with it as I walked past Gerard’s classroom in between lessons, so I couldn’t have constant fun.   
However, it also meant that once I’d put the plug on a certain setting, I couldn’t take it off until I passed him again. I found that particularly amusing when I turned the plug up to 4 (out of 10. Not particularly high, but high considering I’d been flicking it between 1 and 3 until then on my way to my fourth lesson of the day. His door had been open when I’d done it, ready for his class to walk in, and I saw him gasp and grip the table, his eyes darting out of his classroom to find me. I smirked when he couldn’t see me amongst the students, and dropped his head down onto his desk.   
I figured that it wasn’t too bad, though. He hadn’t called or texted me to stop (not that I could even if he had), so I figured he wasn’t that desperate.   
Still, I had to laugh when he walked into lunch fucking _limping._ His whole body was shaking, his hair disheveled, and a thin sheen of sweat coating his skin that I could see even from my table. He glared at me through his eyelashes, but it stretched into a predatory smirk. He was going to fucking destroy me after this, I was sure of it. Despite him acting submissive, he was really in control here.  
Or was he?  
I turned the remote up to 5, and watched as he ducked his head, his knuckles white as he gripped the table.   
“Dude, is your guy okay?” Chris said, concerned. I bit my lip to hide my laughter and nodded. Gerard looked up, tears running down his cheeks, his breath coming hard and heavy. He’d only brought the plug up to 4 on me before I used the word, so he was doing well.  
“Proud of you, baby.” I mouthed to him. He smiled, but it was strained.  
“Do I even want to know what you’re doing to him?” Joe groaned. I chuckled.  
“Ah? You might. Chris won’t.” I said. Chris glared at me.  
“Leave the poor man alone.” He sighed, looking back down at his phone. I took the remote out and wiggled it. Joe’s eyebrows furrowed, but I could tell he was interested. No matter how he felt about my relationship, gory details were gory details, and Joe loved them.

“Just watch him.” I said. Instead of turning the remote up, though, I turned it off. He let out a relieved moan that I could hear from my table, and covered his mouth, blushing as he looked down at the table. I saw his shoulders relax and his breathing become more regular. He patted his hair to calm himself down, fanning himself with a hand. He looked up to glare at me, ignoring Joe staring at him. I bit my lip and smiled.  
“So…what? What are you doing?” Joe asked.  
“How gory do you want it?” I asked casually, leaning back. He smiled softly.  
“As gory as you’ve got.”  
“You sure, man? It’s kinda…it’s not vanilla.”   
“Try me.” I said confidently.   
“Okay. There is a small metal plug buried in my English teacher’s ass. I have the remote control to it. The higher I turn it up, the more it vibrates. He’s also wearing a cock ring so he can’t orgasm, and sexy women’s lingerie. Oh, and the only way I’ll stop is if he calls me Daddy.” I said simply. Joe’s eyes bulged out of his head.   
“I…I don’t know...how to reply to that.” He stammered. I shrugged, playing with the remote. I clicked it on to 1, and watched as Gerard’s head raised slightly, his teeth tearing at his lip as he desperately tried to keep composure.   
“Stop it. That’s the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” Joe groaned.  
“You asked.”  
“Yeah. I literally have never regretted anything more in my entire life. I think I’ve actually been scarred for life. I’m gonna get war flashbacks.” He sighed.  
“I think they’re called wet dreams.” I teased. He grimaced.  
“Ew, now I’m picturing you guys fucking.” He said, squealing in disgust. I laughed. I looked up to check on Gee, and was almost amused to find he wasn’t there. I thought that maybe he’d had to excuse himself.   
I didn’t expect him to appear behind me, his hand touching my back softly.  
“Hello, Frank. Can I have a word?” He murmured. I looked up at him, not moving.  
“Is there a problem?” I asked lightly. Joe averted his eyes, shifting away from us. Gerard groaned and leaned in to whisper in my ear.  
“Can I have a break? Just turn it off for a while.”  
“It’s only on 1.” I murmured.   
“It still hurts. Just turn it off until the lesson starts, okay? Please.” He said urgently.  
“Why didn’t you just text me?” I laughed.   
“Because I knew you’d ignore it.” He said. Yeah, that sounded like me. I snorted and he glared.  
“Frankie.” He whimpered. I rolled my eyes and turned it off, smiling when he all but collapsed against me, feeling his erection press against my arm.   
“Thank you.” He breathed.  
“It’s going straight onto 3 when I see you, though.” I warned. He nodded fervently, then stood up, smiling causally at Joe and Chris, who were trying to hide their looks of disgust.  
“Boys.” He nodded, before limping back to his table.   
I smirked at my friends, who just shook their heads in disgust. I shrugged.  
“Yeah. We’re gross. Illegal. Immoral. All of that bullshit.” I sighed. Despite their discomfort, they actually smiled.  
“Y’all are still cute though.” Chris admitted.  
“Yeah. I mean, not right this very second right now, but overall you guys are pretty cool.” Joe shrugged. I laughed.  
“Well, thanks.” I said, shooting a smile at my boyfriend, who blushed and smiled in response.   
“Stop talking about me.” He mouthed. I just laughed, fingering the small remote in my pocket.

 

As always, and despite his obvious exhaustion, Gee was sitting calmly behind his desk as we all filed in. His legs were crossed under the desk, and my cock stirred as I imagined the suspenders straining against his thick, pale thighs.  
God, I needed to eat him out like, yesterday.   
“How’s everyone doing?” he asked calmly, his voice intentionally steady. The class murmured lethargically n response.  
“I feel that. Mondays, right?” he laughed. I turned the plug onto 1. He was expecting it, his hands already braced against the table, and a small suck of air the only thing to hint at his lack of composure. He smiled.   
“So, I’m actually feeling really unwell today. I think it’s something I a- _ah!”_ he cried as I skipped 2 and brought the plug right up to 3. I smirked at him. He cleared his throat.  
“Something I ate. My stomach is killing me.” He laughed nonchalantly.   
“Get better soon, sir!” called Jasmine. He smiled softly at her.  
“Thanks, sweetheart. It should clear up s- _oh, fuck.”_ He moaned. I raised an eyebrow. Like fuck was he giving my nickname to someone else. He chewed his lip and looked down at his desk, breathing heavily.  
“Are you okay? Should we get the nurse?” Anna asked. He shook his head.  
“Nope. No. I’m fine.” He panted. His eyes pleading with me. Not to stop, no, just to give him a break. I gave a short nod. He spread his hands out on the desk and looked up, smiling.  
“Okay. So. Today I wanted us all to consider genre. I get that it’s getting pretty close to your exams now, so I think it’s good to just concrete that sort of stuff.” He said with a light smile. He made to stand up, but clearly thought better of it.  
“Anna?”  
“Yes sir?”  
“Can you come hand these papers out?” he smiled. My hand twitched over the button. She approached the desk.  
“Mr. Way, are you wearing make up?” she asked with a giggle.  
“I am. It’s cool, right?” he winked. She blushed.  
“Yeah. It looks good on you.” She stammered. He flashed her a smile.   
“Thanks, honey. Yeah, if you could just be a doll and hand these out.” He said, placing the sheets in her hands with a small smile. That was it.   
The plug got cranked up to 5. He smacked his hand roughly on the table as he bit back a moan, his whole body convulsing. Luckily, Anna had already walked away, and nobody was really paying attention to him. He leaned back in his seat, panting hard.  
“Dude, you really look bad.” One of the guys pointed out.  
“I’ll be okay. I’ll leave if it gets too bad.” He smiled coolly. He turned his head to look at the girls and smiled.   
“Ellie. You’re looking lovely today.” He said with a smile. She blushed.  
“O-oh. Thank you, sir.” She beamed. He bit his lip and nodded, and she blushed harder. His eyes flicked over to me, and he smiled.  
No. Not smiled. Smirked.   
He knew what he was doing, then. He knew that each time he flirted with someone, I’d turn the plug up. That fucker was enjoying it. I raised my eyebrows and smiled innocently, turning it up to 7. He hissed and bowed his head, his nails digging into the desk. His breathing was heavy, and his whole body was trembling. I saw as he shifted his hips and moaned loudly. Everyone was staring at him in silence.   
“I’m…fine…” he said, gulping at the air, small shuddering sobs escaping from his chest, his eyes fluttering shut in ecstasy. It was debatably the hottest thing I’d ever seen.  
“Sir-“ one of the girls said. He held up a hand to silence her.  
“No, it’s fine. Just follow the instructions on the sheet.” He panted. I noticed his hand drop beneath the table, presumably to give himself _some_ relief. I chuckled to myself, pretending to be reading the sheet. He shuffled in his chair again, and made a deep, growling “ah!’ noise.   
“Dude, you sound like you’re from a cheap porn flick.” Cameron piped up, his eyes flickering to me in amusement. Gerard glared at him.   
“It’s just my stomach.” He breathed. He was close to cracking, I could tell.   
It went up to 8.   
“No.” he breathed, resting his head against the table as his body twitched, more sobs erupting from his chest, laced with breathy moans.   
“Frank.” Chris hissed. Most of the class had, after he begged them, listened to Gerard and were now ignoring his random cries of ‘pain’.   
“Yeah?” I asked nonchalantly. His eyes flickered to Gee, who was alternating between moaning and sobbing, his hands clutching the desk, his head pressed against the cool wood.  
“It’s gone too far. Stop it.” He said.   
“No. He wants it.” I protested.  
“No he doesn’t. Stop.”   
“Seriously. I know what I’m doing.” I snapped. My finger hovered above the button.   
Before I could press it, though, he raised his head from the desk and made a weary, husky noise. I thought it might be the word, but I wasn’t sure. He panted and spoke again, and this time I heard it.  
“Daddy, stop.” He panted. It was indistinguishable almost, and I was almost certain nobody heard it. This was confirmed by Chris saying:  
“What did he say?” with a concerned look. I turned the plug off, watching as he slumped onto his desk, panting hard.   
“Mr. Way?” I called. He barely moved.  
“Yes, Frank?”  
“I think you should go to the nurse.” I said softly. He raised his head and nodded, looking pale.  
“Can um, can you help me up?” he asked weakly. I nodded and rushed to my feet, not caring if anybody judged me. This was a fucking stupid idea, and it’d gone way too fucking far. I felt terrible. I actually had to wrap my arm around his waist and half drag him outside, using my body to shield his boner.   
“I’m sorry, guys.” He smiled grimly.   
“It’s okay. You sounded like you were gonna start throwing up blood.” Chris laughed, trying to diffuse the tension. Gerard smiled weakly.  
“You guys are great.” He smiled, letting me lead him out of the room. Once we were out, he practically collapsed on me.  
“Take me to the bathroom, okay? Staff bathroom. Down the hall.” He whimpered.   
“God, Gee, I’m so sorry. This was a dumb idea, I’m sorry. Are you hurt?” I asked. He laughed.  
“No. God, that might have been the most intense thing I’ve ever had done to me.”   
“You liked it?” I asked shyly. He nodded.  
“Oh yeah. It’s just a bit much…too much. In public as well. And I couldn’t cum.” He sighed.   
“I could see it was hurting you but I didn’t stop.” I confessed. He smiled and we walked into the bathroom.  
“I would have probably killed you if you’d stopped.” He panted, pulling me into a stall with him.   
“Can I cum now?” he begged. I pulled him into a filthy kiss, my tongue intruding into his mouth.  
“Yeah, babe.” I murmured. Moaning, he unzipped his fly and shoved his hand into his panties, fumbling as he tore the cock ring off, shoving it into his pocket.   
“Turn it on to like, two.” He murmured, bracing himself on the wall over the toilet with one hand and jacking himself off slowly with the other. I did as he said and he moaned softly, smiling at me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the way the underwear clung to his thighs.  
“So gorgous, baby.” I whispered, stroking up his legs.  
“Did I do okay, Daddy?” he murmured.   
“Yeah. Took it real good, angel. So proud of my girl.” I said, kissing his shoulder. He really wasn’t kidding when he said he needed to cum. Not even five minutes later and he was shooting white ropes into the toilet, some of it smearing on his thighs, as he cried out desperately. I couldn’t blame him – he definitely earned it. Wincing, he slid the plug out of him and put it in his pocket with the ring.  
“I’d stay and kiss you but we should get back.” He panted, kissing me softly anyway. I nodded.  
“I’m sorry again for hurting you. And I’m pretty sure everyone could tell.” I said, turning red. He shook his head.  
“I think they actually believed I was sick.” He said, seeming amazed by this prospect. I kissed him again, and let him walk out of the bathroom and back to class, knowing that I should stagger it by exactly a minute and a half.  
When I walked in, he was sitting behind his desk again, and smiled when I walked in.   
“Thanks for the help, Frank.” He said brightly, still hunched over his desk a bit. I assumed it was because he had to keep up the façade of being unwell.   
“Dude have you got like, cancer?” one of the guys asked. Gerard laughed lightly.  
“No, the uh, the nurse says it’s probably food poisoning.” He said weakly. I smiled down at my desk.  
“You didn’t go to the nurse did you?” Chris asked.   
“No we did not.” I replied, laughing.   
“Something funny, Frank?” Gerard asked, raising an accusing eyebrow, a smirk playing around his lips.   
“No, sir. Sorry.” I mumbled, looking back at my work.

 

He had his head down on the desk again at the end of class, and I laughed lightly as I approached him.  
“You okay?” I asked. He looked up, pouting.  
“I’m sore.” He said simply, dropping his head again. I walked over to the door and locked it, and he sat up at the sound.   
“Frankie?”  
“Sit on the desk, honey.” I said softly. Knowing what I was getting at, he slid down his pants and sat on the once polished wood, now scratched from nail marks. I was almost proud.   
I ran my hands up his soft thighs and he moaned lightly, leaning back a bit.   
“Take your shirt off. Wanna see all of you.” I purred into his ear. He whimpered and undid it faster than I’d ever seen anyone undo a shirt before. I laughed, pulling him in for a kiss, letting my hands run down his front.  
“You look so fucking gorgeous, Gee.” I breathed. It was true. The lingerie clung to him, and I could see every single inch of his body being pressed against the plastic. His breath was heavy, his thighs shaking.  
“Daddy.” He sighed, running a hand through my hair. I smiled and slid to my knees.  
“Been wanting this all day. Just been staring at your pretty ass and waiting until I can eat you out.” I snarled. He whimpered and shifted so he was leaning back on his elbows. I leaned up and pulled the panties down over his legs.  
“You put them over the garter.” I beamed. He blushed.  
“This isn’t my first rodeo, cowboy.” He laughed. I rolled my eyes at him, laughing softly.   
“You’re perfect, Gerard Way. Have I ever told you that?” I said, pressing a kiss to the inside of his thigh.  
“You’ve mentioned it.” He smiled. I pushed his thighs further apart and scooted forward.  
“Is this okay?” I breathed. He tangled his fingers in my hair as an answer. I pushed his cheeks apart with my hands, and buried my face between his legs, my tongue lapping hungrily at him. He gasped and arched off of the desk.  
“So good, Frankie. Thank you.” He moaned, rolling his hips down to meet my tongue. He crossed his legs behind my neck, pushing me in further.  
“You’re such a slut, Gerard. Such a filthy slut.” I moaned as I let my tongue slide inside him. He moaned and wriggled underneath me.  
“You love me though.” He said. It was more like a question.  
“Yeah, baby. Yeah, I do love you.” I said, my hands running along his legs where they were crossed behind my head.  
“I really want to cum again.” He panted. I smiled.  
“Go on then, Gee. Let’s see if I can make my girl cum twice.” I laughed. His hand wrapped around his cock and he pumped slowly.  
“I’ll suck your cock after this, Frankie.” He moaned and I whimpered at the thought. I dipped inside him again, fucking him with my tongue, when he arched off the table.  
“G-God. Fuck. Baby. _Baby._ ” He moaned gently as he came, the liquid soaking his hand. I rose to my feet and held his wet hand, bringing it to my mouth and lowly licking his cum off, my eyes never leaving his.  
“Fuck.” He breathed. I laughed and leaned in, kissing him hard, his cum still staining my lips.   
“Lemmie-“ He said, wiggling off the desk. My hand slowly undid my buckle and jeans, but I leaned against the desk, waiting for him to do the rest. He dropped to his knees and tore down my remaining clothes, and I laughed a little at his eagerness.   
“Calm down, honey.” I smiled. He shook his head and wrapped his lips around me, looking up for approval. He looked so wrecked, his hair disheveled, his eyeliner smeared across his face, his skin shining with sweat. I gripped the table and let my head fall back as I moaned softly as his tongue did _that thing_ that I absolutely loved, and couldn’t describe even if my life depended on it. I let my thumb rub over his cheek and he hummed happily, the vibrations running up my cock.  
“So good for me, aren’t you princess? Such a good girl.” I said, stroking his hair. His hands gripped my hips harder as he tried to go deeper, then pulled away, coughing.   
“What happened to not having a gag reflex?” I chuckled. He rolled his eyes.  
“I said I _practically_ didn’t have a gag reflex.” He sighed, taking me back into his mouth. I smiled loosely, my hips bucking lightly into his mouth as he stared up at me with wide, awe-filled eyes. I bit my lip, feeling that familiar warmth coursing through my thighs and stomach.  
“Baby, I’m gonna cum.” I purred, stroking his cheek again. He moaned desperately and pulled my cock out of his mouth, choosing instead to lightly tease the tip with his tongue. I gasped, gripping the table hard as I came. I threw my head back and cried out, feeling his mouth close over me again as I filled his mouth. He slid off of me with a soft popping noise and stood up, pulling my pants up with him. I smiled and pulled him in for a tight hug.  
“I love you.” I murmured. He rested his head against mine and smiled.  
“Yeah, baby. I love you too.”   
“I wish we could do more things.” I blurted out. I didn’t know where it came from, it just…did. It just sort of popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.  
“Things? Like what?”  
“Like…I don’t know. Go to the beach and get drunk or um, sit on a rooftop and look at stars or go to museums and parks and restaurants and the movies. We can’t really do any of that.” I sighed, looking down. His face darkened with guilt and he held my face up.  
“I’m sorry. It’s two months.” He murmured.  
“I don’t wanna wait two months. I want to be able to go out with my boyfriend.” I sighed.   
“I want that too. I want to take you to the zoo and to theme parks and on boat rides and all of that dumb shit, and I wanna hold your hand and kiss you while I do it. And I will, I promise. Just be patient.”  
“I’m sick of being patient.” I whined. I knew I was being childish, but I didn’t care. I was frustrated. He pressed a warm kiss to my lips.   
“Please, Frankie? I promise, we’re gonna have the best summer ever together, okay? Just you and me and no bullshit. I love you.” He murmured.   
“I know. Sorry. It’s just hard, you know, with the weather getting so nice and all. I just wish I could be with you properly.”  
“You’re with me now, aren’t you?” he smiled. I laughed.  
“Yeah, I guess I am.” I sighed. He pulled away and reached for his clothes, and I helped him re-dress.   
“This does look very pretty on you.” I smiled, running a hand down the PVC. He chuckled.  
“I like it. Maybe get me a men’s one next time though, love.”   
I widened my eyes.  
“Wait, what? Men’s one?” I asked in confusion.   
“You’re so new to this. Yeah, you can get lingerie made especially for men.” He smiled. I blushed.  
“Oh. I didn’t know.” I said. He slid his tie up to the top and smiled, zipping his jeans up.  
“How about I send you the links to some websites, and you have a little look through of things you’d want, and I’ll buy them.” He said casually.  
“For me or for you?” I asked.  
“Either. Both. Whatever.” He said, pressing a kiss to my cheek.   
“You might just be the kinkiest motherfucker I’ve ever met.” I laughed. He pulled me into his arms.  
“Honey, I’m just getting started.” He breathed.


	46. Drums of the city rain

“Fridays are my favourites.” I sighed, leaning on Gerard’s desk. He chuckled and kissed me as he moved around to the front of the desk, sorting papers out.  
“That’s because you know you’re gonna get me later.” He smirked.  
“Maybe.” I smiled, leaning back a bit. He groaned.  
“Baby, you’re messing up all my work.”  
“Sorry.” I chuckled. He pulled me down for another kiss.  
“You should be. You know the class is gonna walk in like, five minutes, right?” he laughed.  
“Yeah, so?” I said, reaching for my coffee cup and taking a long sip, closing my eyes as the warmth ran through me. Gerard made grabby hands at the cup, and I pulled it out of his reach.  
“Nuh-uh, baby. You already had yours.” I said, eyeing the Starbucks cups in the garbage.  
Yeah, I said cups. He’d already had two, and the bastard was still reaching for mine.  
“But Frankie, it’s not even 9am yet. I deserve it for being alive.” He grumbled, reaching for my cup again. I pulled it away, dancing back from him.  
“No.” I said, a grin on my face. He raised an eyebrow and ran towards me, his hand reaching for my cup.  
“You can’t have it!” I cried, pulling it close to my chest and hunching over it protectively.  
“Yes I can!” he argued, leaping onto me.  
The thing you have to realize about having Gerard Way on top of you is that, if it’s during sex or cuddling, it’s awesome. If the fucker just randomly jumps on your back, however, you _will_ fall onto the floor, he _will_ land on you, and you _will_ spill your coffee literally everywhere.  
“Shit, sorry!” he giggled, rising to his feet. I groaned and pulled my coffee-covered hoodie away from me.  
“Gerard!” I groaned, accepting the hand he offered. He pulled me into a soft kiss.  
“Sorry, baby. I’ll buy you another one.” He said. I shrugged.  
“I don’t want another one.” I pouted, turning away from him to hide my smile. He circled his arms around my waist and kissed me on the neck.  
“Aw, baby, don’t be mad.”  
“I’m soaking wet!” I cried. He licked a stripe up my neck and I whimpered.  
“You taste good.” He giggled. I turned around in his arms, raising my eyebrows.  
“Do I not normally?” I asked with a smirk. He kissed me and shrugged.  
“Yeah, I guess so.” He chuckled. I took a step back and pulled my hoodie off. He raised his eyebrows suggestively and I laughed.  
“No, idiot, I’m wet, remember?” I said. He bit his lip and laughed.  
“Yeah. Want help?” he asked, gesturing to the hoodie that was desperately clinging to my arms. I groaned and nodded, and he laughed, clearly amused.  
“I’m glad you find this so funny.” I snapped. He just laughed in response and helped pull the wet garment off of my arms. He pulled it up, and my shirt got caught with it.  
“Gee!” I squealed, and he laughed.  
Of course, it was while I was pressed against the desk with Gerard Way fumbling to put my shirt back on that someone decided to walk in.  
The good news? It was Chris.  
The bad news? It was _Chris._ He groaned and covered his eyes.  
“Guys! At least lock the door!” he cried. Gerard helped pull my shirt back down, and I scurried to my seat, blushing.  
“He um. He spilled his drink.” Gerard laughed.  
“Right.” Chris said.  
“I did!” I cried. Chris held his hands up.  
“Whatever, guys.” He smiled. Gerard and I shared a look of despair as he dropped the empty cup in the garbage can, and got down on his hands and knees to clean up the mess on the floor.  
And come on, I couldn’t _not_ stare at his ass.  
“Oh my God, Frank. Stop it.” Chris groaned. Gerard looked over his shoulder at me and blushed.  
“Frankie, please.” He said weakly, clearly embarrassed. I shrugged.  
“Hey, it’s there. Free country, right?” I laughed, just as the door opened and a group of girls walked in. Their eyes, of course, went straight to Gerard’s ass, and they started giggling. He jumped to his feet, blushing dark red.  
“Good morning, girls.” He murmured, walking back to his desk and hitting me with the wet towel as he walked past.  
“What was that for?” I cried. He smirked.  
“Because you’re an annoying little brat.”  
“At least I’m not a bitter old man.” I murmured. He glared at me, but I noticed the smile twitching on his lips.  
“Have you always been this much of a little shit?” he asked, leaning forward. More kids were starting to file in, so I had to wait for them to walk past before I could respond.  
“I learned from the best.” I said, gesturing to him. He barked a laugh.  
“You’re so annoying.” He beamed, shaking his head. I didn’t get a chance to respond before he looked up, addressing the whole class.  
“Hey, guys! How are we?” he asked brightly. The class gave a semi-enthusiastic mumble.  
“Yeah. S’what I like to hear. Anyway, I thought we’d have a conversation about unconventionality in relationships, because a little birdie told me that it might be on the exam” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. Everyone sat a little straighter.  
“So, I’m guessing you all know what it means? Something that’s not normal, right? Not usual. A bit weird.” He said with a smile. God, he was beautiful. He perched on the end of his desk, pushing a pen into his mouth and sucking gently on the end in thought, and my heart slammed against my ribcage. He wasn’t even _trying_ to turn me on, and he was.  
“So, can someone give me an example of an unconventional relationship they’ve read about?” he asked lightly.  
“Norman Bates and his Mother? Y’know, from Psycho?” I offered. Gerard beamed at me proudly, and I blushed.  
“Excellent, Frank! That’s a perfect example. Even if you don’t look at the relationship from the incestuous angle, it’s still very unconventional. I mean, she’s so…overbearing and clingy. It’s no wonder he’s delusional. It’s unhealthy and codependant, and just a complete mess. Definitely. Well done.” He said, scrawling on the board.  
“It is incestuous though.” I laughed. He raised an eyebrow and slid the pen back between his lips.  
“You think?”  
“Oh yeah. That bit in the swamp where he’s talking about her thighs and her breasts? Totally gross.” I said, wrinkling my nose.  
“But wouldn’t you argue that that’s just because of his inherent view on _all_ women’s body parts? That they’re disgusting and wrong, because of how his Mother’s brought him up?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Well, yeah. But he was saying that he didn’t want to think about it, even though he was, meaning that he knew thinking about his Mom like that was wrong.” I said.  
“Or because she was female, not necessarily because she was his Mother.” He pointed out. I just laughed, shaking my head.  
“Dude-“  
“Frank, we’ll finish this argument later, okay?” he grinned. I raised an eyebrow.  
“Will we, now?” I asked. He blushed and turned away.  
“Okay. Anyone else?” He asked, leaning against his desk. I smirked down into my arms, pretending not to see the wink he threw my way.

 

That lesson might have been the first one in a long time where I was more interested in the conversation than in Mr. Way’s ass (okay, maybe not _more_ interested. Like, equally). From talking about Psycho, we started talking about Lolita, and then pedophilia (or, more appropriately, Gerard trying to convince the class that the main character _wasn’t_ a pedophile. He was mostly unsuccessful). From there, we went back to talking about Psycho, and then to how bad the sequels were, and then about all the other movie franchises that had gone way too far with sequels (Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, specifically. Halloween was thrown into the mix at some point too), though that conversation was mostly (entirely) dominated by Gerard and I.  
“Freddy would totally kick Jason’s ass and you know it.” I said. He laughed incredulously.  
“That’s bullshit. Freddy had weird ass little claws, Jason has a fucking axe.” Gee said, apparently forgetting he was a teacher.  
“He can kill you in your sleep.”  
“Technically, so can Jason.” Gerard smirked. I glared at him, and he laughed.  
“Yeah, well. They could both kick your ass.” I sighed, the bell signaling the end of the lesson cutting off the end of my sentence. Gerard rolled his eyes, a lopsided grin on his face. I literally couldn’t even fathom how one person could be so damn pretty. I made my way to his desk and he sighed, drumming his pen on the table as he waited for the rest of the class to file out, before grinning at me.  
“Can I ask you a favour?”  
“Of course.” I smiled.  
“Can I kiss you?”  
“Huh?” I laughed. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.  
“That’s not what I wanted to ask.” He chuckled.  
“Right.”  
“Tonight, is it okay if you don’t come to my place from school?” he asked, tilting his head. I bit my lip, disappointed.  
“Oh. Why?” I asked softly.  
“I have some uh, marking to do.”  
“Why can’t I be there?”  
“Because you’ll distract me.” He smiled. I nodded – he was probably right.  
“Okay. So when should I come by?” I asked.  
“How about I pick you up from your place. Say…6?”  
“What am I supposed to do until then?” I whined. He shrugged.  
“Read. Do homework. Jerk off.”  
“I was sort of hoping you’d do that last one for me, love.” I chuckled. He rolled his eyes.  
“I think you were hoping I’d do all of them for you.” He laughed, nudging me with his hip.  
“Well, if you’re offering?” I smiled. He rolled his eyes again and kissed me.  
“6. Your place.” He murmured. I sighed.  
“I guess so.” I said. He nudged his foot against my ass affectionately.  
“Get outta my classroom, brat.” He said, wrinkling his nose. I bit my lip and laughed.  
“Whatever you say, Grandpa.” I chuckled, letting myself out of the room. I heard him mutter something inaudible behind me, and just shook my head, willing myself to keep walking instead of running back in and planting kisses all over his adorable face.  
Which, in retrospect, was a weird thought to be having about a 38 year-old man.

 

“Hey, dude. Your guy is giving you some serious heart-eyes.” Joe said. I bit my lip and smiled, not even looking up.  
“No he isn’t.” I smiled.  
“Uh, yeah he is. It’s freaking me out.” He said.  
“He’s not the one who stares, apparently.” I said, rolling my eyes. Chris and Joe looked at each other, and burst into laughter. I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“What?” I asked.  
“Dude, he does. He looks at you literally all the time.”  
“No he doesn’t!” I said, blushing.  
“Yeah. Look, this is the – aw, Joe do it. This is the face.” Chris laughed. They did identical faces, biting their lips and looking at me from under their eyelashes. Then, at the same time, they brought their tongues out to wet their lips. I laughed. On them, it looked pretty ridiculous, but I imagined that on Gerard, it looked hot.  
“And then there’s the tie thing.” Joe said, nudging Chris. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Tie thing?” I giggled.  
“Would you like to demonstrate?” Chris said. Joe smiled.  
“I’d be delighted.” He said, batting his eyelashes. He shook himself to ‘get in character’, and then looked at me with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted. He let out a soft breath and bit his lip softly as he slid an imaginary tie down. He smiled and bowed, and Chris clapped.  
“He so does not do that!” I shrieked with laughter.  
“What about the belt buckle thing!” Chris panted through his hysterics.  
“Cam does it best.” Joe beamed.  
“Oh God, no. Don’t.” I said, mortified.  
“Cam! Cam, c’mere!” Chris called. Cam raised his eyebrows and made his way over. I glanced over at Gerard who had his head tilted in light amusement. At least he found it funny.  
“Dude, do the belt thing.” Joe practically screeched. Cam grinned.  
“What, the Mr. Way thing?” he laughed.  
“Yes! Frank doesn’t believe us!” Chris laughed. Cam raised his eyebrows.  
“Dude, he so does.” He chuckled. I blushed and shifted uncomfortably.  
“Do it do it do it!” Chris shrieked. Cam laughed, red in the face.  
“Okay, so, he does this during class when he thinks nobody can see him doing it. And he’s _always_ staring at you when he does it.” He said, the laughter distorting his words. I nodded and he laughed. He sat down on the table, facing me. He pressed his lips together like he was in pain and dropped his eyes. He moved his hand up his thigh, and slowly slid his fingers onto his belt buckle, his lips parting, and just let his fingers rub along the metal, before breaking out into a grin.  
“N-no, but he’ll do that for like, five minutes straight.” Joe gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks.  
“I like how you’ve practiced these.” I groaned.  
“There’s not much else we can do, dude. It’s that, or get really uncomfortable.” Joe sighed.  
“Shut up, Joe, you’re not even in my class.” I snapped. He shrugged.  
“He does it at lunch sometimes too.” He said, raising an eyebrow.  
“See ya, Cam.” Chris smiled. Cameron gave a half-wave and moved back to his table.  
“Does everyone notice?” I asked weakly.  
“Oh yeah.” The guys laughed. Well, that’s just great.  
My phone buzzing was a good distraction.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(1:56pm)**

You’re so beautiful when you laugh. I love you so much. <3

 

I beamed, biting my lip, and looked up to see him staring at me, his head resting lightly on his hands.  
“I love you too.” I mouthed. He blushed and pressed his lips together, and I couldn’t help but smile.  
“Stop.” He mouthed with a smile. I tilted my head. He held a finger up, and a moment later, my phone buzzed.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(2:01pm)**

Stop smiling at me, you’re making my chest hurt. <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(2:03pm)**

I’m making your chest hurt?

 

**FROM: Gee.  
(2:06pm)**

Yeah, ‘cause you’re so gorgeous. ;) <3

 

I looked up and rolled my eyes at him, and he gave me a wide, dazzling smile. I realized what he meant about making his chest hurt, as my own heart gave a squeeze. Christ, he was so perfect. I watched as he took a sip from his can of Diet Coke, and wondered how the hell I managed to get someone so perfect, so beautiful. It was almost like he didn’t exist- like I’d blink and he’d be gone.  
“Frank. You’re staring again.” Chris laughed.  
“Yeah. I know.” I smiled.  


Normally, I’d have gone straight to Gee’s after school, so having to wait that extra two and a half hours was torture. My Mom looked surprised when I slumped through the door.  
“Aren’t you going to Cam’s?” she asked. I smiled softly.  
“Yeah, his Mom’s gonna pick me up at about six.” I shrugged.  
“Are you having dinner here, then?” she asked. I smiled.  
“No, I’ll probably still eat at his place.”  
“Okay, honey.” She grinned, turning back to the TV. I dragged myself upstairs and fell face-up on my bed. My bedroom was already clean, I’d read all of my comic books a thousand times already, so I figured the only thing I could actually do to kill time was play Xbox.  
Or, that’s what I’d planned to do. Just as I put the disk in, my phone rang. I groaned and moved to answer it. Then I saw the caller ID.  
“H-hey Cam.” I said uneasily. I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he replied.  
“S’up, Frank.”  
“Not much. I didn’t think you still had my number.”  
“You have mine.” He pointed out. He had me there.  
“Very true. How are things?”  
“Fine. How about you?”  
“Things are great.” I said honestly.  
“I didn’t mean to make things weird. I just saw you earlier and realized that we don’t actually speak.”  
“Yeah. I guess that’s my fault.” I chuckled.  
“That’s okay. You’re normally wrapped around that prick, so I tend to keep my distance.”  
“Oh. No hard feelings then.” I laughed airily.  
“Nope. I mean, I want to punch him in the balls every time I see him. But nah, no hard feelings.” He said, but there was some humor in his tone.  
“I don’t know why. I mean, it wasn’t really him.” I said softly.  
“It was. You could’ve been happy, and he just kept digging his claws in, spewing all this bullshit about being in love with you, and then stopping you from being happy.”  
“Cam, it wasn’t like that.” I sighed.  
“Whatever. I didn’t call to talk about him anyway.”  
“Oh. What, then?”  
“I was just gonna ask if you wanted to go out for coffee some time.”  
“Cam, I-“  
“No, dude, not like that. Just to catch up.”  
“I’ll see.”  
“You mean, you’ll ask his permission?” he spat. I sighed.  
“Somethin’ like that.” I murmured.  
“You don’t have to tell him, you know.” He said coldly.  
“That would be lying, Cam.”  
“I didn’t think you’d have a problem with that.” He sniffed. I laughed.  
“You know, acting like an asshole doesn’t fit you. It’s all wrong.”  
“I’m still sorta mad.”  
“I can see that. Look, I’ll just let him know and I’ll get back to you.”  
“Whatever. I guess I might talk to you another time, then.”  
“You will. See you, Cam.”  
“Yeah. Bye.” He sighed, hanging up. I shoved my phone back in my jacket pocket and laughed. He was still such a child. I mean, yeah, okay, Gerard was no saint himself, but he wasn’t the one calling up his ex.  
Or at least, I hoped he wasn’t.

 

Because of my little run-in with Cam, I only had about an hour to play Xbox before Gerard texted me letting me know he was there. I grabbed my stuff, pulled a new hoodie on (scowling at the coffee-soaked one) and ran downstairs.  
“Bye Mom!” I called, not stopping to hear her response as I jogged towards Gerard’s car. Once again, and as always, it was too dark to see anything, but I imagined he was smiling as I approached – a theory that was confirmed when I slid in and saw him beaming. He’d changed at some point, and was now wearing a loose-fitting sleeveless shirt and tight jeans.  
Wait. Shit. Were those _leather?_ I put my hand on his thigh and raised my eyebrows – yep. Definitely leather.  
“You okay, babe?” he murmured, leaning in for a kiss. I kissed him back and smiled.  
“Yeah, honey.” I sighed, running a hand through his hair.  
“God, you looked so beautiful today.”  
“You always look beautiful.”  
“Baby. _Baby._ ” He whispered desperately, claiming my mouth with his. I laughed and pulled away.  
“Not here.” I said, biting my lip. He nodded and pulled away from the curb, his hand entwined with mine.  
“So, have you eaten already?” he asked.  
“No. Is that okay?”  
“Yeah. Awesome. Perfect, actually.” He grinned. He bit his lip and looked over at me.  
“Babe, do you trust me?” he murmured. I smiled.  
“Yeah, of course.” I said. He pulled a tie out of his glove compartment and handed it to me.  
“Put this over your eyes.” He said. I raised an eyebrow.  
“Um, you’re not gonna like, kill me, are you?” I said shakily. He barked a laugh.  
“No, baby, I’m not gonna kill you. I promise.”  
“You sure?” I smiled. He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it, then flipped it over and pressed his lips against my wrist. I could feel my pulse against his lips, and I bet he could too.  
“Yeah, I’m sure.” He smiled against my skin. I nodded and slipped the fabric over my eyes, tightening it so I couldn’t see a thing. I thought vaguely that Gerard was lucky that I trusted him so much.  
He parked the car a few minutes later, and helped me out of the car. The night wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t particularly warm either.  
“Baby, I’m really scared.” I said, biting my lip. I wasn’t a huge fan of being blindfolded, and even though I trusted Gerard, it was an uncomfortable experience. He laughed and kissed my temple.  
“We’ve just gotta go up these stairs, okay? Can you do that?” he murmured, helping me into somewhere warm – a building, I assumed.  
“Y-yeah.” I smiled weakly.  
“Honey, if you don’t like it, I can take it off.” He chuckled next to me.  
“No, it’s okay.” I smiled.  
‘Just these stairs’ was an awful lot of stairs, as it turned out, and I got frustrated when I kept tripping.  
“Dammit, Gerard, where are you taking me?” I snapped.  
“We’re almost there.” He murmured softly, almost sadly.  
“Sorry.” I said.  
“It’s fine.”  
“No, I’m sorry. This is fun, okay? I’m having fun.”  
“I think you think I’m gonna kill you still.” He laughed.  
“It’s always a possibility.” I smiled. At last, I felt a rush of cool air, and Gerard was helping me through a door, which he shut behind me.  
“Okay. Take it off.” He murmured. I unraveled the tie from my eyes, and it took me a second to realize what I was looking at.  
But when I did, I gasped.  
“God. Gerard, this is-“ I said, putting a hand over my mouth. We were on a roof. A fucking roof. It seemed to be one of those old apartment buildings that wasn’t as tall as a skyscraper, but was definitely taller than the average house. The view, by any means, was gorgeous.  
Not only that, but he’d laid out pillows and blankets and two boxes of pizza and a bunch of cans of diet coke and beer. I even spotted a pack of cigarettes. I put a hand over my mouth as I took it all in.  
“Oh my God.” I breathed. I felt his arms wrap around me, and he kissed my neck.  
“Do you like it, honey?” he murmured.  
“Gerard. This is beautiful. Honestly. How long have you been planning this?”  
“Since Monday.” He grinned into my neck, swaying me softly side-to-side. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder.  
“You’re too much, Gerard Way. You’re too fucking much.” I sighed. I spun around in his arms and kissed him, my arms wrapping tightly around him.  
“You like it.” He stated.  
“I love it. I love you.” I murmured. He chuckled and pulled away, taking me by the hand and leading me to the blankets and – more importantly – the pizza. I took a bite out of the first slice and moaned – I hadn’t realized how hungry I was. He smiled at me.  
“You’re so cute.” He laughed, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear as he dug into his own pizza. I reached for a can of beer, then stopped.  
“Um, Gee. Beer?” I asked incredulously. He smiled softly.  
“I’m sober, sweetie. They’re yours.” He said, grabbing a can of coke. I chewed my lip.  
“You sure it’s okay?” I asked. He nodded, taking a large gulp.  
“I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t. Enjoy, baby.” He grinned, helping himself to another slice of pizza. We were silent for a while as we ate and looked out at the view.  
When I was done eating, I walked to the edge of the roof, glad for the safety rail that was running along it. I’d never normally call Jersey anything but a shithole, but it was undeniably pretty at night, with all the lights and the cars. The moon glistened off the river as it flowed steadily. I heard the sound of Gerard cleaning up boxes and cans behind me, before I felt the warmth of his arms wrapping around my waist.  
“So goddamn beautiful.” He sighed. I snorted.  
“Yeah. I think they found a body right over there.” I said, pointing to the river. He laughed throatily and pressed a soft kiss to the area behind my ear.  
“I wasn’t talking about Jersey.” He smiled, rocking me again. I covered his hands with mine, and turned my head back so he could kiss me. He pulled me back a bit from the edge, leading me once again to the blankets. I sat down, pulling him down with me.  
“Mm. This is amazing, Gee. I could just sit here forever.” I sighed. He stroked my cheek.  
“I’m in love with you, Frank Iero. I’m so goddamn in love with you. You make my chest hurt, and my stomach flutter, and I’m always so nervous around you. You make me feel like a dorky teenager again. I just- God. You’re so perfect.” He breathed, seeming slightly overwhelmed. I shuffled closer and wrapped him in my arms, kissing his neck.  
“Baby, I love you too. I’ll always love you.”  
“Promise, Frank?” he asked, looking up. I smiled and kissed his forehead.  
“Yeah, baby. I promise.” I said.  
“Forever, right? You and me? No bullshit, no breakups. Just you and me.” He said.  
“Yes. God, Gerard, yes.” I breathed.  
“I’m in love with you.”  
“You already said that.” I panted, smiling. He chewed his lip.  
“Frank, fuck, I love you.” He all but moaned. The tension was so strong, I felt like I might die from it. My cock throbbed in my jeans, and he hadn’t even touched me yet.  
“I love you too. Baby, baby, I love you.” I said desperately. He grabbed my wrists.  
“I’ll always want you. I’ve always wanted you. God, Frank, so beautiful. Don’t ever leave me, okay? Just, fuck, don’t go.” He panted. I let out a breathy moan.  
“Yeah, baby. Never. I’ll never leave you. I love you so much, Gee. So damn much.” I whimpered. He brought my hand up to his cheek, resting his face against me.  
“ _Touch me._ ” He moaned. I put my hands on his cheeks, cupping his face and letting my fingers stroke the soft skin, before sliding one hand down to his neck.  
“More, Frank. Everywhere. Touch me. Let me _feel_ you.” He panted. One of my hands stroked softly through his hair as the other slid down to his collarbones, my thumb rubbing them gently. His breath was jagged, but he was so soft and pliable under my touch.  
“Yeah, sugar. Like that.” He whispered with a smile. I ran both my hands down his arms, pushing his jacket off of his shoulders and feeling the gentle bumps of his muscles. His eyes fluttered shut as I stroked his arms, my fingers entwining with his when I got to the end. He pulled me closer, cradling me to him.  
“I love you.”  
“So you’ve said.” I smirked. He laughed breathlessly and kissed me. It was soft, my lips barely brushing his. There was no urgency, no desperation; just me, kissing my boyfriend on a roof. He broke the kiss for only a second to pull his shirt off, before pulling me back to him, kissing me gently.  
“You’re my entire world, Frank Iero. My whole world.” He whispered, his fingers delicately sliding down my face. He reached forward, and I let him take my shirt off too.  
“You’re mine too. You’re everything, Gerard. Honestly, I couldn’t live without you. I love you, so much.” I murmured as he pulled me down so I was on top of him. He was trembling underneath me and I wrapped my arms around him.  
“Baby, you’re shaking. Are you cold?”  
“I’m not shaking ‘cause I’m cold.” He breathed, his eyes wide.  
“Oh, God.” I whispered.  
“I think you know what I want.” He said softly. My breath hitched and I nodded, leaning forward to press my lips against his. His fingers trailed softly down my back, barely touching me, and I spread my fingers out across his chest.  
“Gerard Way, I am so crazy about you.” I smiled as I slid out of my jeans, reaching down to help him as he struggled his way out of his own.  
“We’re gonna do it, aren’t we, Frankie? Right here? Right here on this roof?” he giggled. I kissed his forehead.  
“If you want to.” I purred.  
“Yeah, honey. I want to.” He sighed, stroking my cheek. I whimpered into his mouth and stroked his collarbones. He reached down and pulled both of our boxers in one fluid movement and smiled softly.  
“C’mere, sugar. Let me hold you. Let me just feel you.” He breathed. I was happy to oblige, resting my body against his as he wrapped his arms tightly around me. His heart was beating under my hand and I sighed, realizing the importance of that one, simple little organ under my hand.  
“Feels so good.” He whispered, tangling our legs together. I had to admit; I’d never felt anything like it. He was so warm, and his body was so smooth against mine. I reached down and pushed his legs apart softly, and he smiled.  
He held my chin and looked deeply into my eyes, and I noticed that his were full of tears.  
“Show me how much you love me, Frank. Make love to me. Right here, under the stars and the moon, overlooking our city. I want you to give me everything, and to take everything from me. I want you. I always want you.” He panted. I kissed him softly, completely at a loss for words. I reached down to put my fingers into him, but he wriggled away.  
“I’ve already prepped. Just…please.” He breathed. I bit my lip and held his thighs apart as I pushed softly into him. His back arched, his fingers holding onto my biceps, and he let out a soft cry.  
“Oh, Frank.” He sighed, pulling me back into his arms so I could kiss him softly, our lips and tongues merely brushing each other. I rocked my hips up lightly into him, and he whimpered, burying his face into my shoulder. I held him tightly against me as I rocked our bodies together.  
Normally, we’d be talking, saying ‘I love you’ or dirty talking, but there was no need for that. All that could be heard was the sound of the city beneath us, the soft slap of skin on skin, and our breathy moans, or his occasional gasps of pleasure. I stroked his hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead.  
It was then that I felt the first of the raindrops on my skin. I ignored it, until I felt more. Gerard groaned and fell back onto the blanket, smiling sadly.  
“I’m sorry, Frank. I didn’t think it was gonna rain.” He murmured. I still held him close to me.  
“I don’t wanna stop. Do you?” I asked, a slow smile creeping across my face. He bit his lip.  
“No. I don’t wanna stop.” He breathed. I took him back into my arms, feeling his arms wrap around my neck as I rolled my hips up into him, earning a delighted gasp. The rain fell, cooling our sweating bodies and absolutely soaking us. It felt good though, as my mouth pressed urgently against his. I looked down at him and gasped. His hair was a wet, disheveled mess that either he or I had tried to push back. The moon shone beautifully off his wet skin, making it look almost like he was glowing. His hazel eyes were wide, and a loose smile was plastered onto his lips.  
“Oh my God.” I stammered, reaching out a hand to stroke his cheekbone. He leaned into the touch, batting his eyelashes.  
“What is it?” he murmured.  
“You’re so beautiful. Gerard, you’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now. I can’t believe…you’re mine, aren’t you? You’re actually mine.” I murmured, my fingers brushing over his lips. He smiled.  
“Yeah, Frankie. I’m yours. I’m all yours, and I’ll be yours for as long as I live.”  
“Oh God. You really are.” I whispered. He smiled.  
“You seem surprised.” He murmured.  
“No…I’m just. Happy. God, I’m so happy.” I whispered, feeling tears forming in my eyes as I looked down at the miracle underneath me.  
“Don’t cry.” He murmured, leaning forward to kiss me.  
“I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I ever let you go. You’re so perfect, Gerard. I’m sorry for every bad thing I’ve ever done and I-“  
“Shh, sugar. It’s not important now. I love you, and you love me, and we’re together. S’all that matters.” He said, brushing my hair out of my face. I rested my head against his chest as I pressed deeper into him, my arms wrapping around his waist.  
“Lemmie see you.” He breathed. I raised my head and his breath hitched. He cupped my cheek, his thumb pressing down on my lips. I licked the pad of his thumb, and he bit his lip.  
“I don’t deserve you. God, what did I ever do to deserve this absolute blessing of a guy. I’m a drugged up old drunk. I sleep around, and I lie, and I’m so bad. And you’re so good. So pure, Frankie. God, I don’t deserve you.” He whimpered. I silenced him with a kiss.  
“Yes you do. You’re a miracle, Gerard, you know that? A damn miracle, and I love you, and I will always love you.” I breathed. He let out a choked sob and wrapped his arms tighter around me.  
“Marry me.” He sobbed into my ear.  
“What?” I choked. He kissed my neck.  
“Marry me, Frank.” He said in a broken whisper. I pulled back slightly to look into his eyes.  
“Did you just-“ I breathed, my voice shaking, before he cut me off with a kiss. I kissed back, but I couldn’t get the words out of my head. I held onto him tighter, pushing even deeper into him.  
“Baby, I love you so much. I need to-“  
“Yeah. Sugar, do it. Now.” He panted. I felt my hips snap forward of their own accord as I came, crying out softly into Gerard’s shoulder. I kept rolling my hips into him, desperate to get him to finish untouched. He writhed and mewled happily under me.  
“Gerard.” I breathed, my breath ghosting over his neck.  
“Hm? He sighed, stroking my hair.  
“Yes.”  
“Huh?”  
“Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.” I smiled. His eyes flew open in shock, but he didn’t say anything, because not a moment later his body arched, his toes curling as he came, the liquid leaking down his legs and onto my thighs, and a soft cry of pleasure bubbling from his parted lips. I didn’t slide out of him straight away, as I normally would have. Instead, I leaned forward and kissed him slowly, my hand holding onto his jaw. He covered my hand with his and leaned forward to kiss me back with more vigor.  
“Frankie, I love you. I love you so much. God, sugar, come closer.” He whispered desperately, pulling me closer into his arms, and wincing as the movement caused me to move inside him.  
“I feel like we’re not close enough. I need to be closer.” I whispered, even though I was pressed flush against him.  
“Oh, baby, I know.” He breathed.  
It was getting almost painful, so I reluctantly slid out of him. He sat up and opened his arms for me to slide into. The blankets were soaking, as were our clothes, so we just stayed naked, me sitting in his lap. He, somehow, managed to light up a cigarette, and passed me one. I took a deep breath. I wanted to bring up what he’d said, of course (and my response), but I wasn’t sure how to go about it, so I just left it alone, assuming he’d bring it up if he wanted to. He pet my cheek softly with the back of his hand, smoking his cigarette with the other.  
“What was sex with Cam like?” he asked suddenly.  
“Um. Painful. And sad.”  
“Sounds like a riot.” He smirked. I laughed.  
“Well, I was trying to forget you, and it worked.” I shrugged. He looked a little sad at that.  
“Oh.”  
“What about you? How was your first time bottoming?” I asked. He laughed.  
“Not awesome. Bert had only slept with experienced guys before, so he just-“  
“Oh God. He didn’t just-“  
“Yep. Just rammed on in there.” Gerard chuckled. I shook my head.  
“So is that like, the worst sex you’ve ever had?” I asked. He considered this, sucking on his cigarette, before replying.  
“No. The worst was this guy, and we were both high as hell, you know? Like, “I think my hands are my feet” high. Anyway, we did it next to a dumpster, and it reeked, and he reeked, and it was just bad.” Gerard laughed, shaking his head.  
“What’s been the best, then?” I asked warily. He raised his eyebrows.  
“You really wanna know?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I’ve slept with a lot of people, Frank.”  
“I know. Tell me.” I insisted. He shrugged.  
“It’s a toss up between tonight-“  
“Really?”  
“Yeah.” He said, smiling fondly.  
“And?”  
“Well. There was this one time where I invited this guy to my house, and I left him a cock ring on the table, and I dressed up as a school girl, with make up and everything, and I handcuffed him to the bed, and I took his virginity.” He smiled. I beamed.  
“I’m your top two?” I laughed, feeling giddy. He rolled his eyes.  
“Honey, you’re my top 100.”  
“Have we even had sex 100 times?” I giggled. He shrugged.  
“Ah. Maybe. Does it matter?” he chuckled. I decided that no, it didn’t, and buried my face in his shoulder, breathing in his scent, and the thick, musky smell of sex.  
“How was your first time?” I asked. He was silent for a minute.  
“My parents really didn’t want me to be gay, Frankie. Mikes never minded, of course, ‘cause he’s a good kid, but my parents really hated it. My Dad would yell and scream if I so much as wore a floral aftershave, and my Mom just ignored any conversations that had absolutely anything to do with my sexuality.” He laughed humorlessly. He stubbed his cigarette out, and I gave him mine so he could do the same with it. He shifted me on his legs, so it was more like he was cradling me, before he continued:  
“So, nobody knew. I was real good friends with this one girl, Lindsey. Awesome chick, you know? Real friendly, but she was one of those girls who wouldn’t take shit from anyone either, and I think I liked her because she wouldn’t let anyone pick on me.” He said, smiling fondly. His smile faded and he shrugged.  
“Lindsey really liked me. I found out from her friends later that she actually used to refer to me as her boyfriend. I was flattered, but of course, for the most part I’m gay, except under very special circumstances. So I told her that I didn’t want to be with her like that, and she said that if I didn’t sleep with her, she’d tell everyone I was gay. My hands were pretty much tied.” He sighed. I chewed my lip.  
“How old were you?” I murmured.  
“Ha. Thirteen, I think?” I said weakly. I pulled him into a kiss.  
“Baby. I’m so sorry.”  
“It’s not important. I’ve got you now, haven’t I?” He said, smiling lopsidedly. I pressed a kiss to his jaw, holding his hands in both of mine.  
“Why can’t things just be easy for you, Gerard?” I murmured with a smile. He unclasped our hands, and instead wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“Because I complicate things.” He sighed.  
“You’re lovely, though. I mean that. So beautiful, so kind. I want you to be happy, Gerard. Always happy.”  
“You know how to do that, don’t you?” he asked with a smile.  
“What?”  
“You’ve gotta stay with me forever and ever.” He giggled. I kissed his nose.  
“Yeah. That doesn’t sound too bad.” I grinned.

 

We were soaking wet and shivering by the time we got home.  
“Shh, babe, Mikey’s asleep.” He murmured, leading me through the house and into his room. He kissed me gently, his fingers brushing the skin on my jaw and neck.  
“Tonight was perfect.” He sighed, helping me slide off my wet hoodie and shirt, before working on his own.  
“It was. I’m still feeling sort of overwhelmed.” I admitted as I helped him wiggle his leather jeans down, and he kicked them unceremoniously away from him, helping me slide out of my wet jeans.  
“Good overwhelmed?”  
“Definitely.” I grinned, kissing him hard. He lifted me up and I giggled, wrapping my legs around his waist.  
“You’re so short.” He chuckled, dropping me down onto the bed, and climbing on top of me, his arms acting as a cage around me. I wiggled under the covers, and he pressed a kiss to my forehead, before dropping down beside me and sliding under with me, his arms curling around my waist.  
He buried his nose in my hair and breathed deeply.  
“Smells like hairdye.” He chuckled.  
“So does yours.” I teased, holding his hand. He sighed.  
“Touche, sugar.” He murmured. We laid like that for a minute in silence, but neither of us was asleep.  
“Frankie?” he said suddenly.  
“Mhm?”  
“You’re not gonna leave me, are you?”  
“What?”  
“Y’know. When you go to University. You’re not gonna leave me, right? You’re still gonna love me even though you’re far away. Right?” he asked, his voice shaking with insecurity. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it.  
“Baby, I could move to the moon and I’d still want you.” I sighed. He smiled against my skin.  
“Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”  
“Goodnight, baby. I love you too.”


	47. The flowers in your lungs

I woke up to the sound of music pouring into Gerard’s open bedroom door, accompanied by the comforting and always welcome smell of fresh coffee and bacon. I sat up, grinning, and stretched, my body aching from the night before. As much as sex on a rooftop was romantic, it wasn’t necessarily the most comfortable place to make love. I chewed my lip, smiling at the memory. Of course, last night had been one of the best nights of my entire life. It was things like that that were going to carry me through University, and through the three long years of very little contact with my love.   
I slid out of bed, grunting at the dull ache in my thighs as I considered this. Three years was, of course, a long time. It was longer than I’d even known Gerard for, and the prospect of spending the majority of that time away from him was unwelcome, at the very least. I didn’t doubt for a moment, of course, that we’d stay together. Who else could I ever possibly want? Last night had proven that. I chewed my lip, pulling a pair of Gerard’s sweatpants over my legs.   
I didn’t think he was _avoiding_ talking about his proposal, but I believed that he was almost trying to act like it didn’t happen. I was sure if I brought it up, we’d discuss it, but I wasn’t entirely sure that I was ready for that conversation.   
I’d marry him in a minute; that much I was certain of. I just wasn’t sure if it was the right minute yet.   
My stomach growled as a reminder that an empty stomach wasn’t the best thing to have when trying to make important life decisions, and I found my legs almost carrying themselves out of the room and downstairs, into the kitchen.   
The sight that met me was enough to make me forget everything I’d just been thinking about, a grin stretching across my face.  
Mikey was sitting at the table, trying to eat his toast and ignore his older brother. The older brother in question was wiggling around with an apron wrapped around him, wearing only his boxers, singing loudly to the song on the radio.   
A song I recognized.  
“Dude, is this Cher?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Gerard spun around, smiling dazzlingly and making my heart squeeze in my chest.  
“You know it, baby.” He said, turning back to the bacon sizzling in the pan. I laughed, moving to lean on the counter next to where he was cooking.  
“Y’know, you had a dick in your ass last night, like, we actually fucked, and this is still the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” I laughed. Mikey groaned and tried harder to ignore us. Gerard raised his eyebrows, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist.  
“We didn’t fuck, sugar, we made love. And it was lovely.” He purred, kissing me softly. I smiled against his lips, running a hand through his hair.  
“Mm. It was, wasn’t it?” I hummed. He rocked me gently side-to-side in a sort of awkward dance.   
“It was. I can’t stop thinking about it – about you. God.” He sighed, cupping my cheek.  
“I’m very in love with you.” I beamed, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead.  
“I’m very in love with you too.” He chuckled.  
“I’m very going to kill myself.” Mikey snapped. Gee unwrapped himself from me and walked over, wrapping his arms around Mikey’s shoulders and kissing him affectionately on the head.  
“Aw, come on little brother.” He giggled. Mikey leaned back into the hug, but his face stayed in his annoyed glower.   
“You two sicken me.”  
“Yeah, you love us though.” Gee smiled into Mikey’s hair. Mikey sighed and patted Gerard on the arm.   
“You’re alright I guess.” He smirked. Gerard kissed him on the head again and turned his attention back to the bacon, sliding it on a plate with toast and handing it to me with a cup of coffee and a light kiss on my cheek.  
“You’re not eating?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“’m not hungry.” He said. I narrowed my eyes.  
“You’re not hungry?” I asked suspiciously, taking a bite out of my toast. Gerard blushed.  
“Ah, no.” he said with a weak smile. I rested a hand on my hip.  
“You’re not trying to lose weight, are you?” I asked. He let out a light laugh.  
“No. I mean-“  
“Gee.” I sighed.  
“I’m just getting a little too pudgy.” He frowned, squeezing his stomach. I put my plate on the counter and crossed my arms.  
“I’m not eating until you do.” I said firmly. He reached over and took a piece of toast from my plate, biting into it.  
“Happy?” he sighed. I beamed.  
“Yes.” I said, tucking back into my breakfast.   
“Okay, I have an appointment, so I’m gonna go.” Mikey said, excusing himself.  
“Do you want me to drive you?” Gee asked. Mikey beamed.  
“If that’s okay?”  
“Yeah, no problem at all. Me and Frank will just get ready and we’ll take you.” He said. Mikey nodded and left the room, and Gerard turned his eyes onto me, smiling.  
“That’s okay, right?”  
“Of course it is.” I smiled softly, putting my now empty plate next to the sink. Gerard wrapped his arms back around me, pushing me against the counter.   
“You look good in my clothes.” He said, raising an eyebrow appreciatively.   
“Do I?” I chuckled. He pressed a kiss to my jaw, and I gave an involuntary whine.  
“Yeah, you do. It’s like you’re mine.” He laughed.   
“I am yours.” I said. He smiled, letting his fingers run down my cheek.  
“Yeah, I know. Forever, right?”  
“For as long as you want me.”  
“I’ll always want you.”  
“Then I’ll always be yours.” I whispered. He cupped my jaw and pulled me into another warm kiss.  
“C’mon, angel. Can’t keep Mikey waiting.” He smiled, pulling me out of the room.

 

Mikey had pre-warned us that it was highly likely that Bert would be present in the hospital, so we didn’t stay with him. Gerard dropped him off with the promise that we’d be back in an hour, and instead drove me into the small town around the hospital.   
“Y’know what I love about this place?” he sighed, holding my hand.  
“Mm?”  
“This. I can just hold your hand or –“ he broke off, pressing a kiss to my lips – “and nobody will care. Nobody gives us a second-glance.” He murmured. This observation wasn’t exactly true, because I was definitely and noticeably younger than Gerard, but his point still stood. Here we weren’t Frank Iero and his teacher, Mr. Way. We were just Frank and Gee. Two people who loved each other more than anything else.   
The sun was shining, illuminating the green in his hazel eyes, and making his hair shine where it rested just over his eyes. His lips were slightly parted as he walked, sucking in deep breaths. He stopped suddenly and pulled me into a tight hug that I wasn’t expecting.  
“Frankie.” He sighed, burying his face in my hair.   
“What?” I giggled. He took a half-step back and cupped my cheek.  
“I want you to be mine forever. Is that okay?”  
“I’ll have to think about it.” I sighed sarcastically. He raised an eyebrow and took my hand again, continuing to walk through the sparsely populated highstreet. There was a considerable lack of chain stores and restaurants, being replaced with businesses that were clearly local. It was nice.   
“Okay. What are your terms?”  
“My terms?”  
“Yeah. What do I need to do to get you to be mine forever.” He smiled. I considered this for a minute.   
“You have to make me coffee whenever I ask for it.”  
“I can do that.”  
“And you have to bottom for me every night.”  
“Again, I can do that.” He beamed.   
“You have to draw pictures of me naked all the time.”  
“Sounds fair.”  
“And you have to send me dirty pictures randomly during the day.”  
“Okay. Not much, then?”  
“Nope. Not much.” I giggled.   
He took my hand and pulled me into a dimly-lit store. The Smiths were playing dully in the background.   
“Oh my God. It’s like you as a store.” I pointed out, and he beamed. The store – which reeked of cigarettes and musk – had comics lining one wall, and records lining the other. Gerard swayed a little on his feet, trying to decide what side to go to, before rushing over to the comics. I chuckled and strolled around. The man behind the desk had long, unkempt black hair, with tattoos swirling all over his neck and arms.   
“Nice ink, man.” I said. He looked up from the comic book in his hands and smiled.  
“Hey, thanks. You got any?” he asked casually, sliding a cigarette between his lips.   
“Nope, not yet. I want them, though.” I sighed.  
“Oh yeah? You know, we do tattoos here. Like, back here.” He said, pulling a curtain open. Sure enough, there was a surprisingly clean-looking tattoo and piercing parlor.   
“Oh. Wow.” I smiled. He shrugged and let the curtain drop.  
“You’re here with Gerard, right?” he said, gesturing towards Gee, who was getting overly excited about some comic. I laughed.  
“Yeah.”  
“Well, I know you’re not Mikey, so you must be Frank, right?” he asked, a small smile curling his mouth. I raised my eyebrows.  
“He’s mentioned me?”  
“A few times. Gerard’s one of our regulars.” He explained.  
“Oh. That’s cool.” I smiled.   
“Anyway, if you’re with Gee, I can offer you a discount.” He shrugged.   
“Oh. I mean, I hadn’t really thought about it. I guess I’d like one, but-“  
“Hey, don’t sweat it, dude. Just think it over and come back whenever. Ask for Reggie.” He said. I nodded.  
“What would you recommend? You know, for a first-timer?” I chuckled. He shrugged.  
“Nothin’ that’s gonna make you look stupid, you know? Like, no hearts or butterflies or anything shitty like that. Something you’re gonna look back at in a few years and still think it’s cool.” He said. I nodded, pursing my lips. I felt an arm wrap around my waist and leaned back into Gerard, smiling softly.  
“How’s it going, Gee?” Reggie asked.   
“Not bad, man. I see you’ve met Frankie.” He said, rubbing his thumb along my hip.  
“Yeah, he’s a cool kid. Actually, we were just talking about tattoos.” Reggie said slowly.   
“Oh?”  
“Yeah. Frank’s thinking of getting one.” He said, leaning back in his chair. Gerard looked down at me.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah. I mean, I’m thinking of getting a lot at some point, but maybe just one for now.” I murmured. Gerard chewed his lip.  
“I don’t know how you’ll do it. Needles, man.” He groaned. Reggie laughed hoarsely.  
“I’ve been tryin’ to talk Gee into a tattoo for, god, three years. Always the same answer –“  
“No fuckin’ way.” Gerard chuckled. I let my hand run up his forearm.  
“You’d look hot with tattoos.” I murmured, biting my lip and looking up into his eyes. He let out a light whimper.  
“I-no. Needles. On my skin. No thank you.” He laughed, pulling me closer to him.   
“You sure about that, Way? Looks like Frankie here might appreciate it.” Reggie laughed. Gerard blushed.  
“I’d get fired anyway, y’know. If I had tattoos.” He said weakly. Reggie and I shared an exasperated look.  
“Whatever, dude.” he said, taking the comics Gerard had in his hand and scanning them.  
“Anyway, Frank, feel free to come get one any time. I know the shop looks a bit rough, but we’re serious about our tattoos. It’s all clean back there.” Reggie murmured.   
“I’ll think about it.” I smiled. Gerard handed Reggie the money and took the bag of comics from him.   
“See you, dude.” Gerard smiled, taking my hand.  
“Yeah, it was nice to finally meet Frank.” He said, smiling, and Gerard blushed.   
“I’m sure it was.” Gerard said weakly.   
“I’m missing something.” I said. Reggie laughed and ran a hand through his hair.  
“Gerard used to come in here a lot while he was drunk, and –“  
“Don’t!” Gerard squealed.  
“And he’d talk about you. A lot.”  
“Please!” Gerard pleaded, blushing.  
“Saying what?” I beamed, reveling in the way Gerard squirmed uncomfortably behind me.   
“Well, Frank, apparently you’re an _amazing_ fuck.”   
“O-oh.” I blushed.   
“Yeah. What was it you said about his ass, Gee? I think the word ‘legendary’ was used.”   
“Oh my-“ Gerard sighed, putting a hand on his forehead.  
“You should have heard what he said about your tongue. He said it was like-“  
“See you later, Reggie!” Gerard said, pulling me out of the shop. I heard Reggie laughing as we left.   
“I’m amazing?” I said, raising my eyebrow. He groaned.  
“I was _drunk._ I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”  
“It’s true, though.” I teased. He rolled his eyes.   
“Irrelevant.” He mumbled. I grinned at his discomfort.   
“This is why you shouldn’t get drunk.” I said, batting my eyelashes. He laughed.  
“Touche. Midget.”   
“Ouch, breaking out the short jokes? That’s too far, Gerard. Too far.” I said, pretending to be hurt. He leaned down to kiss my head.  
“Aw, baby. I love how little you are.” He chuckled. I pouted, starting to walk away from him, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into his arms.  
“I’m not lettin’ you go until you say you love me.” He grinned.   
“Well, I guess you’re never gonna let me go then, are you?” I giggled. He kissed my forehead.  
“Well, I could have told you that.” He rolled his eyes. I wiggled in his arms.  
“Ger-ARD.” I whined.  
“Stop acting like such a child.” He said, his lips quirking up into an amused smile.  
“That’s always the danger when you fuck students, you know. We’re not mature enough to handle adult relationships.” I said, batting my eyelashes.   
“Well, maybe certain students should stop fucking their teachers.” He suggested.   
“Good idea. Let me go.” I said. He raised his eyebrows and opened his arms. I pouted and buried my face in his chest again.  
“I didn’t mean literally.” I mumbled. He laughed as he wrapped his arms around me again.   
“Tell me you love me.” He murmured.  
“You already know.”  
“Yes, but I wanna hear you say it.”  
“When did you get so needy?” I teased.  
“Frankie, just say it.”  
“Maybe I don’t wanna.” I said, wiggling around in his arms. He tightened his grip and kissed my nose.  
“We’re gonna be late to pick up Mikey.”  
“That’s your fault, not mine.”  
“Frankie!”  
“Alright, alright. I love you.”  
“How much?”  
“More than I love anything else.”  
“Promise?”  
“Yes, I promise. I love you, you massive dork.” I sighed. He kissed my forehead and pulled away.  
“Okay. Good.” He smiled.   
“You’re a dork, though.”  
“So you’ve said.”  
“Do you deny it?” I chuckled.  
“Nah. I’m sort of a dork.” He smiled.

 

We pulled up to the hospital and Gerard groaned.  
“For fuck’s sake.” He muttered. I didn’t know what he meant until I saw Bert standing next to Mikey. His mouth quirked up when he saw the car, and Mikey said something to him that could have been a threat, which Bert seemed to just laugh off as he approached us. Gerard took my hand tightly in his own and rolled down the window.  
“Hey there, Ger’.” Bert smiled lazily.   
“Bert.”  
“How’s things? It’s been too long.” He practically purred. Gerard’s eyes flashed up.  
“Things have been busy. You know, work-“  
“And your little toyboy there. I’m sure he’s taking up a good deal of your time.” Bert mocked. I blushed and looked down, feeling slightly irrelevant.  
“He’s not my toyboy, Bert.” Gerard sighed.  
“Well, whatever. I’ve missed you.” He said, leaning forward.   
“Nice to hear.”  
“Aw, come on, Gee. You don’t have to put on a show just ‘cause Frank’s here. I’m sure the kid understands, don’t you, sport?” he said patronizingly.   
“Shut the fuck up, Bert.” Mikey sighed as he slid into the car.   
“I agree with Mikey. You need to stop.” Gerard said, clenching his jaw. Bert bit his lip.  
“Oh, come on, stop being such a prude. You were mine for a whole year, remember? I know you.”  
“I wasn’t yours.” Gerard said coldly. Bert recoiled a little, but regained composure quickly.  
“That’s a lie. You were mine and you loved it. You probably still do.”  
“Obviously not. _I_ left _you,_ remember? I chose him then, and I’ll keep choosing him.”  
“I don’t see why. Looks like the prick’s barely gone through puberty.” He sneered. I chewed my lip and looked into my lap.  
“Well, I think he’s beautiful.” Gerard said, giving me a warm smile.   
“Okay, how about this: when you realize that you want a real man, and not some little boy, you come find me, yeah?” Bert said with a self-satisfied smirk that I wanted to tear off of his face. Gerard shook his head.  
“You used to be so kind, Bert. What happened?” he asked, sounding genuinely disappointed.   
“I told you I’d fight for you, didn’t I?” he said grimly.   
“Stop fighting. It’s over. Now get your hands off of my damn car.” Gerard snapped as he started the car. Bert took a step back just in time as Gerard began driving.   
“You alright, Gee?” Mikey asked.   
“Yeah. That guy’s an asshole.” Gerard sighed.   
“If I wasn’t in a coma, I’d probably have warned you about that.” Mikey said, and Gerard smiled.   
“I know. You’re a good brother, dude.” he beamed. He paused for a moment before continuing.   
“I’m gonna warn you, Mikes, when we get home, I’m gonna suck Frank’s cock right against the front door. You’ll probably have about twenty seconds to run upstairs.” He said casually, his hand resting in my lap.  
Well, okay then.   
“Right.” Mikey laughed. I bit my lip and shook my head.   
“What?” Gerard said, amused.  
“You can’t just say stuff like that. You’re gonna give me a heart attack some day.” I giggled.   
“I’m just giving him fair warning. It’s the noble thing to do.” He said solemnly, a smirk twitching on his lips.   
“When were you planning on telling me about it?” I laughed. He shrugged.  
“Somewhere between now and me pulling your jeans down.” He replied.  
“Got it. Thanks for that.” I chuckled.  
“Like I said, I’m real big on nobility. Y’know. Honor and all that bullshit.” He smiled.  
“That’s pretty ironic considering you’re fucking a student.”   
“We’re not fucking!” Gerard cried.  
“What are we doing then?” I laughed.   
“We’re…um. Experimenting? With…sex?” he said weakly.   
“Right. Okay, thanks for the justification there, Gee. You could be a politician.” Mikey said, and I snorted in response. Gerard pouted.  
“You guys have to stop ganging up on me.”   
“It’s too easy to bully you.” Mikey sighed happily. I nodded in agreement.  
“As I said before, you’re sort of a dork. Like, Mikey’s dorky older brother.”  
“You’re supposed to take my side because you love me.” He said, looking at me like I’d betrayed him.   
“It’s because I love you that I have to make fun of you.” I smiled.  
“Yeah, I think there’s like, a rule book, dude.” Mikey nodded. Gerard glared at us.  
“You’re both assholes.” He grumbled.   
“Aw, come on. Make fun of me, then.” I smiled.  
“You’re short.” He said quickly. I paused.  
“Yeah, I know. What else you got?” I asked. He groaned.  
“See! Bullying me. Pure bullying.”  
“Yeah, shut up, will you? I had a whole bunch of blood tests, and you know they make me sleepy.” Mikey sighed. Gerard shivered.  
“Fucking _needles.”_ He groaned.

 

When we got home, Mikey ran straight for the stairs. Gerard chuckled and shut the door, pushing me back and kissing me softly.   
“Y’know what? I really, really want to cuddle you and watch a movie.” He smirked. I grinned and wrapped my arms around his neck.  
“You read my mind, baby.” I sighed. He lifted me up into his arms (an advantage of being short, thank you very much) and carried me over to the sofa, pressing soft kisses against my lips all the way.   
“You’re very pretty.” I said, stroking his cheek. He rested me lightly on his lap, his hands on my hips.   
“I think it’d be cool if I came to school in drag one day.” He giggled. I kissed his nose.  
“I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you if you did that.” I smiled.   
“I don’t know if anyone else would feel the same way. I mean, like, Jersey isn’t the most accepting of places for stuff like that.” He sighed.   
“Well, I guess you’ll just have to move to Toronto with me, then.” I smirked.   
“I probably will, you know. Like, when you’re done with Uni. I’ll just come up there with you.” He said.   
“You’ve thought about this before.” I stated. He blushed.   
“Well, I mean. We could get married there. Legally.” He murmured.   
“Yeah, but we could do that here, too.” I giggled.   
“Do you really wanna get married in _Jersey_?”   
“It’s a long way away anyway, right? I mean, two more months of school, and then the summer, and then three years of University. Anything could happen.” I smiled.   
“Like us breaking up?” he said softly. I kissed him softly.  
“No. That’s not gonna happen.”   
“I’m so worried, you know? Every time I think about it I just get so freaked out. Like, my baby’s gonna be so far away from me.” He mumbled.   
“I’m not thrilled either, but we’ll make it work. What are you honestly afraid of?”  
“I…I don’t know. I guess I just think you’re gonna find someone else and fall in love, or you’ll get bored and look for attention in other places.”  
“Does that sound like me? Do I seem like the kind of person that would get bored of you and start sleeping around?”  
“No, but-“  
“So no. Okay, it won’t be easy, but we’ll be fine.”  
“Can we stop talking about it?” he asked weakly. I groaned.  
“You never want to talk about it. I know you’re scared, but we have to discuss it at some point.”  
“Yeah, we will. Not now though, okay? We’ve only got a little bit of time until I have to take you home, so let’s just watch a movie and cuddle.” He suggested. I sighed, but agreed.   
“I’m holding you to that, though. We’ll talk about it.”  
“Yeah, I promise.” He said, turning the TV on. There was already a disk in the player – Watchmen, surprise surprise – so we just turned the lights off and I snuggled into his arms as he pressed play. His hand combed softly through my hair as we watched the movie we’d probably seen a thousand times before. It wasn’t about the movie, though. It was about sitting in the dark with my love’s arms wrapped tightly around me, his hands stroking through my hair, his mouth pressing warm kisses to the soft skin behind my ears. It was about me rubbing soft circles into his thigh with my thumb, and kissing his sharp jaw line when he tilted his head.   
“Mr. Way?” I asked lightly, suddenly. He jolted a little bit at the name.  
“Yes, Frank?”  
“Why me? Of all of the students you’ve ever had – why me?” I asked gently. He laughed.   
“Because it couldn’t ever have been anyone else. It was always supposed to be you.”   
“What, do you believe in like, soulmates?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“I didn’t, but I don’t think there’s anything else that explains how I feel about you.” He smiled.   
“Well, then, if we’re soulmates, surely a little bit of distance won’t hurt us?” I suggested. He tightened his arms around me and chuckled.  
“You smart little son of a bitch.” He said, kissing my neck.   
“I’m right though.”  
“You’re always right, baby.”   
“I’m so using that against you.” I giggled.   
“I don’t doubt it.” He murmured.   
If someone had asked me what I was doing in that moment, I could have probably told them that I was watching a movie. Or, more accurately, I could have told them I was watching a movie that I’d already seen a million times. Going into more detail, I’d have told them that I was watching a movie that I’d seen a million times, but that I didn’t mind because it was my boyfriend’s favourite, and I knew exactly when he’d smile and when he’d frown, and when he’d sigh in frustration. I’d probably then explain, for need of detail, that I was wrapped in my love’s arms, and that he was kissing me softly, and murmuring lines from the movie into my ear. I’d tell them then that I’d stopped paying attention to the movie about fifteen minutes ago, and instead I was listening to his rattled breathing – a result of too many cigarettes. I’d say that I was listening to the soft thump of his heart under my head, and laughing quietly to myself about everything that had happened earlier that day.   
I’d have told them that all I was actually doing, and all I ever really did, was being in love. Because I wasn’t really watching the movie, and I wasn’t actually even talking to him. I was just letting him encompass me, feeling each breath of his fill the room, and I’d suck him into my lungs. I was falling in love with him a dozen times every single second. It’s not that I wasn’t doing those other things, because I was. They just didn’t matter.   
I was in love, and that was the only truth that mattered.


	48. All inked up

**TO: mikeyway**

**(9:49pm)**

Mikes! When are you next heading up to the hospital?

 

**FROM: mikeyway**

**(10:34pm)**

Monday afternoon. Why?

 

**TO: mikeyway**

**(10:36pm)**

Is Gee going with you?   
And what time in the afternoon?

 

**FROM: mikeyway**

**(10:58pm)**

No, and at like 4. Why?

 

**TO: mikeyway**

**(11:00pm)**

Can I come with you?

 

**FROM: mikeyway  
(11:39pm)**

You’re a weird dude, but sure.

 

Despite Mikey’s inability to reply to a message in less than 20 minutes, I was suddenly filled with a great amount of excitement and joy.   
After research and discussing with my friends, I’d decided that I was going to take Reggie up on his offer of a discounted tattoo. I had some ideas about what I wanted, but I’d probably talk to him about it when I got there.  
The important thing, though, was that Gerard didn’t find out. Not because he wouldn’t like it, but because he most definitely _would_ like it, and I wanted to surprise him.   
  
The topic had come up the next week, on a Thursday afternoon, when I was hanging out at his house because my Mom was working late, and said I should go to ‘a friend’s’ house for dinner. Naturally, that ‘friend’ was Gerard.   
Someone on a TV show we were watching had tattoos, and Gerard had pointed out how nice they looked – and blushed.   
From that, I managed to wring out of him that he actually really, _really_ loved tattoos. He started talking – after a large amount of encouragement from me – about how he used to lick Bert’s while they fucked, and that was it for me. There was no way I _wasn’t_ getting one.   
In all honesty, I did sort of want him there. I wasn’t needle-shy at all, but the thought of marking my skin forever was slightly daunting, and, considering it was his damn fault I was doing it, I wanted him there with me, even though he’d probably pass out.   
I smirked a little bit, tucking my phone under my pillow. No, it’d be better if I just went alone. I wanted to see his face on Tuesday when I walked into class with a tattoo. He’d probably lose it right there and blow the whole thing. I couldn’t wait.   


                                    ***

Gerard noticed I was acting oddly on Saturday evening.   
More appropriately, he noticed I was acting oddly on Saturday evening, while he had his mouth around my dick. He pulled off gently and tilted his head, his eyes wide.   
“Baby, you okay?” he murmured, his voice husky and fucked-out. I ran a hand through his hair and smiled softly.  
“Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?” I murmured softly. He raised himself up onto his elbows and looked up at me.  
“You seem kinda distracted. Like, you’re thinking about something else.” He said, tracing shapes into my hip bone. I smiled and stroked his hip with my foot.  
“No, honey, I’m fine. Just distracted.”   
“By?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. I chuckled, petting his head again.  
“Nothin’ important, I promise.” I said, smiling gently. He crawled forward a little bit, resting his head on my chest.  
“You’re hidin’ something from me.” He mumbled. I laughed lightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead.   
“You’re so paranoid, Gee.” I chuckled.   
“Is it bad?” he asked, his voice shaking. I felt guilt run through me, and wrapped my arms tightly around him.   
“No, baby, it’s not. It’s good.”  
“What?”  
“It’s a surprise.”  
“For me?”  
“Kind of. It’s not _for_ you, but you’ll enjoy it.”   
“Right.” He laughed, shaking his head. I buried my face in his hair and breathed in deeply.  
“Mm, Gee. Always smell so damn good.” I sighed, running my hands up his arms. He whimpered at my touch and licked softly at my collarbones, sucking the skin gently. I ground my cock against his leg and he moaned, sliding back down.  
“I think I should finish this before I have to take you home.” He giggled, kissing the tip. I laughed breathily and nodded, my head falling back as he took me into his warm, wet mouth.   
“Such a good girl.” I whispered, running a hand through his hair. He hummed happily.

 

                                    ***

 

Gerard looked up from the paperwork on his desk on Monday after class, sighing softly.   
“I’m very tired.” He murmured. I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then another to his nose.   
“You’re very adorable when you’re very tired.” I smiled. He stopped, reaching up to cup my cheek and pulling me back down to him, kissing me softly.   
“You taste like cigarettes. Have you been smoking, Frankie?” he asked with a light smile.   
“Sorry, sir.” I chuckled. He leaned back, raising an eyebrow.  
“Mr. Iero, as your teacher, I’m _very_ concerned about your health. If this kind of reckless behavior continues, I’ll have to tell your Mother everything you’ve been up to.” He said, deadpanning. I leaned forward.  
“Oh yeah? Everything?”  
“Everything.” He nodded solemnly.  
“Okay. Does that include having your dick in my ass or not?” I asked. He broke his façade, a wide grin pulling across his face.   
“Maybe I’ll leave that part out.” He giggled. I leaned over the desk and pressed a light kiss to his lips.  
“I have to go, honey. Got a surprise for my baby to sort out.” I giggled. He pouted, furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Fine. I have a bunch of work to do anyway before I can go home. I’ll see you tomorrow?”  
“You sure will.” I grinned, kissing him one last time before leaving the classroom, before I could change my mind.   
I half ran through the hallway, excitement fuelling my legs. I nearly started laughing out of pure relief when I saw Mikey’s car parked outside. He glowered at me through the windshield, and I jogged over, grinning as I slid into the car.   
“You’re late.” He sighed, pulling away from the curb.  
“Sorry, Gerard wouldn’t let me go.” I giggled. He wrinkled his nose.  
“Okay, dude, I’ll forgive you if you don’t go into any more detail.”   
“You’ve got a deal.” I smiled. He pursed his lips.  
“So, now that it’s pretty much impossible for me to tell Gerard what you’re up to, not that I actually care, can you tell me what you’re up to?” He asked.   
“Promise you won’t tell him? Even tonight?”  
“Yeah, shit, I won’t say anything.” He snapped, but he was smiling.  
“I’m gonna get a tattoo.” I grinned. Mikey widened his eyes, grinning.  
“He’s gonna go fucking crazy.”  
“I know.” I laughed.  
“No, dude, he’s literally going to jump on you.”  
“ _I know.”_ I squealed. Mikey laughed.  
“And what, you’re just gonna walk into class with some fuckin’ tattoo?”   
“That’s the plan.” I beamed. Mikey shook his head.  
“So, what, am I like, an accessory to the murder of my older brother?”  
“Apparently.” I hummed.   
“Okay. I think I can deal with that.” He smiled. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and I raised my eyebrows.  
“You cool, dude?” I asked. He furrowed his eyebrows in a very Gerard-like gesture.  
“I’m not like Gerard, you know? I’m not all emotional and gross, but uh, I’m really glad you’re around.” He said softly. I gulped.  
“Oh…”  
“Yeah. You’re like, another brother. It’s great. I never got the chance to be an older brother before, and I mean, it’s kind of weird because you’re screwing Gee, but um, you know what I mean?”  
“Yeah. You’re like a brother to me too, dude.” I smiled.   
“Okay, yeah, good. I mean, we made out like, twice.”  
“I don’t really count that.” I said, wrinkling my nose.   
“Okay, good. I just wanted you to know that I, ah, I care about you a lot.”  
“Okay.” I smiled, noticing his discomfort. He nodded and turned the music up, and we fell into a comfortable silence.   
“Gerard says that this song reminds him of you.” Mikey pointed out. I strained my ears to listen and raised my eyebrows.  
“Really?  
“Yeah. Every time it comes on he gets all blushy and smiles like some big idiot.”  
“That’s cute.”  
“It’s a nice song. I can sort of see where he’s coming from.”  
“It’s kind of sad, isn’t it?” I murmured. Mikey shrugged and I listened to the song, letting it fill the car.   


_I don’t want the world to see me,_

_‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand.  
When everything’s made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.  
  
_ It was beautiful, of course, and the lyrics made sense, given the situation.   
“Gerard’s such an idiot.” I sighed happily. Mikey snorted.   
“You haven’t had to deal with him for 34 years.”  
“Technically you only had to deal with him for 31.” I pointed out. He grinned.  
“You always manage to find the bright side, Frankie.” He said brightly. I just laughed.

  
“Where am I dropping you, brother?” he said. I smiled at the nickname.   
“As close to the tattoo place as possible. I really don’t know my way around here.” I said softly, the nerves creeping up my back now that I was actually faced with what I was going to do. Mikey pulled up and laughed lightly, thumping my back affectionately.   
“Dude, it’s fine. Tattoos really don’t hurt.”  
“Do you have any?”  
“Ah. No. But I know people who do. They don’t hurt.” He said weakly. I groaned and slid out of the car, giving him a high-five as I did.  
“Just come get me when you’re done.” I smiled. He nodded and drove away, taking away the option of me turning back.  
From where Mikey had parked, the store was only around the corner – I recognized it from where me and Gerard had walked the week before – and my legs shook the whole way.  
If Gerard trusted Reggie, I suppose I did too, but it was still a horribly nerve-wracking experience.   
I pushed the door open, and felt like I was walking into a wall of cigarette smoke. A Bryan Adams song played distantly, and I chewed my lip. Reggie wasn’t behind the counter, so I just made my way over to the records. I flicked through, thinking that maybe I could grab Gerard a Black Flag album or something as an apology for the heart attack I was inevitably going to give him when I walked into school tomorrow. I smiled a little as I thought about it, and flicked through, my foot tapping lightly to the song on the speakers. I chewed my lip more out of habit than nervousness, feeling the place where my lip ring would normally sit.  
It was then that I felt an arm around my waist. I jumped and hit my hip on the record stand, squealing softly. The arm belonged to a man with greasy blonde hair and an even greasier grin. A cigarette hung between his open lips, over which the faintest sign of a moustache grew.  
“Hey there, sweetheart.” He said gruffly. I gulped and tried to step out of his grip, but he held me harder.  
“What’s someone like you doing in a place like this?” he sneered. I chewed my lip and he breathed deeply.  
“Nice lips you’ve got there, sweetheart. You don’t even know where I wanna see ‘em.” He jeered at me. I felt my heart race and struggled harder out of his grip, my eyes searching for Reggie.   
“Hey, hey, come on darling, don’t struggle. I’ll make it nice for you.” He smiled, putting a hand on my ass. I squeezed the shelf in front of me, my knuckles going white.   
“Please let me go.” I whispered, hating the way my voice shook. He laughed cruelly.  
“How about you try saying that with my dick down your pretty throat, huh? You look like you’ve sucked cock before.”   
“I-“  
“Come on, kid, just a quick one behind the store.” He said, his hand moving towards my crotch. My legs shook, and I couldn’t do anything but squeeze my eyes shut.  
“Jones! Get your hands off that kid!” I heard a familiar gruff voice call. I relaxed almost immediately. The man, Jones, held me harder.  
“Aw, come on, Reg. The little twink’s just _asking_ for it.” He purred. I almost threw up in my mouth.   
“I think he told you to let him go, so let him go. Or should I call Gee?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips. Jones’ grip loosened.  
“Why do we need to get Gee involved?” He said, his voice sounding sort of nervous.  
“I think he’d be a little bit concerned that your hands are all over his boyfriend.” Reggie snapped. Jones let go, stepping back.  
“Wait, what? _This_ is Frank?” he said, sounding almost panicked.  
“Yeah, it’s Frank. You’re Frank, right?” he said to me. I gulped.  
“I’m Frank.” I confirmed weakly. Reggie grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the other man.  
“See? Now, I think you should apologise to Gerard’s boy before I call him up here, don’t you?”  
“H-hey, man, I didn’t know. He didn’t say-“  
“He shouldn’t have had to say anything. He said no, that should have been enough, Gerard’s boyfriend or otherwise.”   
“I really…I didn’t- shit. Don’t tell him, Reg, please. I can’t-“  
“I’ll leave that up to Frank here, won’t I? What do you say, Frankie, should I call Gee and get him to come up here and smack the ever living shit out of Jones?” he said. I chewed my lip.  
“Ah, no. It’s okay.” I said weakly. Reggie laughed.  
“The boy’s got honor. I respect that. What I don’t respect is creepy old men tryin’ to pick up unwilling kids in my store. Get the fuck outta here, Jones. I don’t wanna see your slimy face here ever again.” He said. Jones nodded and left without argument, his shoulders hunched. Reggie squeezed my shoulder.  
“You okay, kid?”  
“Y-yeah. Fine.” I breathed. He smiled widely.  
“C’mon to the back. You look like you need a smoke.” He said. I nodded and followed him to the area behind the till. He motioned that I should sit on his stool, so I did, sucking hard on the cigarette he offered me.  
“I’m sorry about that. Jones is an asshole, but he’s never done somethin’ like that. I mean, you’re a cute kid, but it’s no excuse.” He said, shaking his head.  
“Why was he so afraid of Gerard?” I asked, thinking about the dorky, coffee-addicted loser I thought of as my boyfriend, and trying to work out how _anyone_ could be afraid of him.   
“Because Gerard’s sent people to the hospital for less than what Jones just did.” He said darkly.   
“What? _My_ Gerard?” I gaped. He chuckled.  
“Oh yeah. One time, I guess you two were broken up or somethin’, you know, and some guy was talkin’ all this shit about how Gee should let this guy ‘fuck some sense into that little twink of his’, ah, meaning you, and Gerard broke both his wrists.” Reggie said, laughing a little. I stared at him with wide eyes.  
“No shit.” I breathed. Reggie nodded.   
“Gerard gets very possessive over you, and unfortunately, a lot of the guys here are scumbags. Sometimes he lets it go, but sometimes he’ll teach the creeps a lesson.”  
“Wow.”  
“My personal favourite was ah, I think it was pretty early, so maybe the first time, or one of the first times you guys did it, and Gerard came in with lovebites everywhere, and some guy said that he wanted to ‘fuck the mouth of whatever kid did that to him’, and Gerard was really calm, like, scary calm. He didn’t say anything, he just smiled and laughed, and started flirting with this dude.”  
“Oh.”  
“No, no, it was good. So he starts flirting with this dude, and then just when the guy thinks he’s getting lucky, he reaches down and just fuckin’ _grabs_ his balls real tight, and says that if he ever even _looks_ at you, he’ll kill him. So, he got a bit of a reputation.” Reggie laughed.  
“How does everyone know how young I am?” I asked nervously.  
“I’ve known Gee for a very long time, and he tells me almost everything. The other guys hear some of the stuff, and word gets around. Nobody judges him, though. If anything, they respect him.” Reggie explained. I nodded, dropping my finished cigarette into the trash.   
“That’s…interesting.” I said, chewing my lip. Reggie laughed.  
“Don’t worry, kid, he wouldn’t hurt you. I’ve never seen that guy more in love than he is with you.”   
“Thanks.” I smiled.   
“Well, you didn’t come here to get felt up by creepy dudes. I’m guessing you’ve come chasing that tattoo?”  
“Ah, yeah.” I smiled. He jumped up and led me to the area behind the curtain, gesturing that I should sit down on the leather sofa. I did so, and he nodded, putting gloves on and sitting next to me. The room had red velvet walls, like the rest of the store, but the floor was tiled. It was a lot cleaner than the rest of the store, almost like it was another building.  
“O kay little dude, what were you thinking of?” he asked.   
“Maybe like, somethin’ here?” I said, pointing to my neck, just below my jaw. Reggie nodded.  
“Sounds good. What kind of thing?”  
“I was sort of thinking of a scorpion?” I said nervously. Reggie grinned.  
“That’s punk, dude. I respect that.” He said, reaching over and grabbing a book. He flicked to a page and pointed to a black scorpion tattoo.  
“Like this?” he asked. I grinned.  
“Yeah. That’s perfect.” I said. He nodded, chuckling to himself, and started getting everything ready.  
“Why do I feel like Gerard Way doesn’t know his boy is here?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I giggled.  
“Because he doesn’t.” I smiled. Reggie wiped the side of my neck with alcohol and beamed.  
“Why do I feel like you’re gonna show him this pretty tattoo of yours in front of everybody at school tomorrow?”  
“Because I am.” I grinned. Reggie shook his head.  
“You’re gonna kill him.”  
“That’s what Mikey said.”  
“It’s true, dude. He’s gonna lose his shit. He’s always going on about how much he loves tattoos.”  
“How much is this gonna cost?” I asked nervously. Reggie smiled.  
“Nothin’ for you, little dude. After what happened with Jones, I think you deserve it. And I can’t wait to hear how Gerard reacted.”  
“Hey man, I can’t-“  
“No, it’s a gift. I want to.” He said sincerely. I nodded, knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and braced myself. I felt the needle pressing at my skin and bit my lip, waiting for the pain to come.   
But it didn’t. The buzzing was annoying, and the feeling of it against my skin was sort of uncomfortable, but there was nothing outright painful about it. I sighed in relief and let Reggie do his thing, the discomfort, even, began to dull after a while, and I was just left with a numbness in my neck as he worked.  
“How long is it gonna be?” I asked.  
“Not long. Maybe half an hour? It’s a pretty simple thing, dude.” He said.  
“Okay.” I said, staring at the wall and listening to the music that flowed in from the next room, almost jolting when the song that Mikey was talking about earlier came on.  
“I like this song.” I blurted out. Reggie chuckled.  
“Does that have something to do with the fact it reminds Gerard of you?”  
“Did he tell you that?”   
“He tells me everything.”  
“How did you meet?” I asked.   
“We actually went to college together. Roommates. He was doing English, I did Art. He was always better at drawing than I was, though, which pissed me off.” He chuckled.   
“Oh, right.”  
“Yeah. Dude was such a little slut back then.”  
“He still is.”   
“Don’t I know it. When you two broke up, I kept getting all these ‘ah shit, Reg’, I fucked someone’ calls at 3am. It was annoying.” He sighed.   
“Did you ever meet Bert?” I asked softly.  
“That prick? Yeah, I met him. He was an asshole.”  
“So I’ve heard. Gerard said he was nice.”  
“He was manipulative. I mean, he treated Gerard like a fuckin’ prince, you know, spoiled him, and I guess he was helpful with Mikey, but he was a douche.”  
“How so?”  
“Okay, like, Gerard would come in and start talking to me, and Bert would get all jealous and start like, touching him and kissing him, and Gerard would tell him to get off, and Bert would be like ‘if you loved me you’d suck me off in the alley behind the store’ and Gerard, he’s so nice and shit, you know, he’d just go do it.”   
“Right.”  
“Yeah, Bert was an asshole. I told him that, too. He came in on his own once and I was like ‘Bert, I know my buddy likes you and all, and that’s cool, but I think you’re a fucking dickhead.’” He laughed. I smiled.   
“I’m not a dickhead, then?” I giggled. Reggie smiled.  
“Nah, dude, you’re awesome. Gerard definitely loves you to death, and I was worried at first because I thought you’d hurt him, you know, he’s such a sensitive dude. But when I saw you two together, there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind that you two were meant to be together.”   
“Really?”  
“Oh yeah. You two do this thing, and like, I don’t think you even realize it, but you just-“  
“Stare?”  
“Yeah. A lot.”  
“We’ve been told.” I sighed.  
“You kept looking at him, checking on him, and then you’d get this sort of smile when you saw him dorking out over a comic book, and then he’d look up once you’d look away, and he’d kind of give you a once-over, and shake his head, smiling, and go back to what he was doing. It was kinda cute.” He chuckled.  
“You must have seen him with a lot of people.” I said. He shrugged.  
“Yeah, I have. At least a dozen, and you’re definitely it for him.”  
“He’s kind of it for me too.” I murmured.   
“I can see that.” He smiled.

 Finally, he pulled the needle away from my skin, wiping down the spot with alcohol. It stung a little, and I hissed.  
“Dude, it looks fuckin’ ace.” Reggie laughed, handing me a mirror. I raised my eyebrows. Well, shit. That _did_ look cool.   
“Fuck, thank you so much.” I breathed. Reggie nodded.   
“It’s okay, dude. Just tell Gerard that I did it, and that I want him to call me.” He chuckled. I took the hand he offered and stood up, feeling a dull ache in my neck. He brought me out to the front of the store and I turned to speak to him, but I saw him glaring at someone. I spun around and saw a guy, much older than Gerard, just staring at me.   
“Ay, Tom, did you not see what Jones did?” Reggie snapped. Tom shrugged.  
“Nah, brother. Just showed up. Who’s your friend?” he said with a slow smile.  
“This is the guy that Gerard’s fucking.” Reggie replied. Tom’s smile faltered and he turned back to the comic book in his hand. I chuckled.  
“Is everyone in here gay?”   
“Nope, they’re just old creeps. Don’t come here alone again, alright little dude?”  
“I won’t. Thanks for everything, Reggie.” I smiled. He clapped me on the shoulder and nodded. I kept my eyes down as I reached the door, stopping to wave to Reggie one last time before I left.   
Mikey’s car was already there, so I sauntered over and slid in. His eyes widened when he saw the tattoo, and I chewed my lip.  
“Is it alright?” I asked weakly. He shook his head, a smile still on his face.  
“Dude, it looks awesome. Seriously. Gerard’s gonna go crazy.” He chuckled, starting up the car.   
“Promise?” I giggled.  
“I actually can promise. As disgusting as it is to think about, Gerard is gonna totally jump your bones tomorrow.”  
“Good to know.” I grinned.

 

My Mother, of course, freaked out.  
“Jesus, Mom, I’m 18.” I groaned. She just stared, her eyes bugging out of her head.  
“You could have warned me!” she cried. I shrugged.  
“It was sort of last-minute, you know? Like, it kinda just happened.” I sighed.   
“You’re really milking this ‘I’m 18’ thing, you know. I’m still your Mother.”  
“I know, Mom. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll warn you next time I do something like this.” I murmured. She sighed.  
“Fine.” She said, walking into the living room, clearly feeling defeated. I couldn’t really feel upset about it though, because my phone had been vibrating in my pocket for the whole conversation. I ran upstairs and, finally, answered it.  
“Frank.”  
“Gerard.” I said, smiling.  
“Mikey knows what the thing is and he won’t tell me.” Gerard groaned. I chuckled.   
“Well, you’ll see tomorrow.”  
“He said I should prepare myself? For what?”  
“Just…I don’t know. I guess just remember to stay calm.”  
“Are you bringing me Johnny Depp?” he squealed. I rolled my eyes.  
“Honey, if I had Johnny Depp, I wouldn’t give him to you.” I laughed. He sighed.  
“I miss you sleeping next to me, sweetheart.”  
“I miss it too. Not too many nights now.” I smiled.   
“I have a bunch of work to do, so I’m gonna let you go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
“Okay baby.”  
“Go easy on me, please? I feel like I’m going to suffer from this surprise.”  
“I don’t think I can go easy on you.” I smiled. He groaned.  
“You love me.” I beamed.  
“You love me too.” He chuckled, hanging up.   
I snuggled down under the blanket, laughing to myself. If Reggie and Mikey were right, Gerard was going to totally lose his mind.

 

There’s a certain territory that comes with having a tattoo. I found myself slipping on ripped jeans and a Black Flag wife-beater shirt that I probably wouldn’t have dared wear before, but that I suddenly felt very comfortable in when I saw the scorpion on my neck. I lined my eyes, for the first time in a while, in eyeliner. I looked vaguely like someone from Anti-Flag, and I didn’t mind even one bit. Feeling super rebellious, I even slipped my lip ring in.   
Not surprisingly, everyone stared at me when I got into school. It probably had more to do with the fact that I looked like a 90s reject than the fact I actually looked good. Joe and Chris raised their eyebrows when they saw me.  
“Hey, he actually went through with it.” Chris said, examining the tattoo. I chuckled.  
“I told you I would.” I said, rolling my eyes.   
“Yeah, and now Joe owes me $10” Chris said, holding his hand out. Joe chuckled and gave him the money.  
“Sorry, dude, but you’re normally a wimp. How was I supposed to know that you’d actually do it?” he grinned. I just shook my head.  
“You guys are weird.” I said.  
“Right, says the guy dressed up like a corpse.” Joe said, nudging me. I shook my head, clicking my lip ring against my tooth.  
“Have you told Mr. Way about this yet?” Chris asked as we headed to his classroom. I blushed and smiled coyly.  
“Maybe not.” I chuckled. Chris groaned.  
“Gross. Old man boner. Right in front of me.”  
“He’s not that old.” I grumbled, putting my hand on the door. I could hear his voice inside the room already, and I was suddenly nervous.  
“Dude, how do I look? Like, am I-“  
“You’re fine. He’s gonna think you’re hot. Which is gross.” Chris said. I nodded and opened the door, hoping to rush to my seat without being seen.  
No such luck, of course.   
“Good morning bo-“ Gerard began, but stopped when his eyes met mine. I smiled sheepishly. He stared at me, eyes wide, his lips parted. I saw the exact moment his eyes flicked to my neck and he sucked in a deep breath, his eyes flicking up to mine in disbelief.   
“Oh-“ he breathed. I ducked down into my seat, my heart racing. I ran a hand over my tattoo and smiled softly, biting my lip, causing the ring to click against my teeth.   
I let my eyes slide up, and saw that he was still staring at me, his face red, his eyes wide. I could see his chest moving as he breathed heavily, his fingers grabbing the desk.  
“Woah, Frank. Cool tattoo.” Said some guy as he walked past me. I smiled.  
“Thanks.” I said coolly. When I looked back, Gerard was looking out the window instead of at me, but his breath was still coming heavy. I felt a wave of pride rushing through me.   
“Oh my God. Frank, you look really hot.” Anna laughed as she brushed past me. I gave her a smile.  
“No he doesn’t. It’s gross.” Jasmine contradicted. The rest of the girls agreed, wrinkling their noses.  
“I think Frank looks alright.” Gerard said, throwing me an easy smile.   
“Oh. Thanks Mr. Way.” I laughed. Two could play this game.   
“Where’d you get it done?” he asked, seemingly causally. I smiled.  
“That tattoo place near the hospital? It’s like, an hour away from here.” I shrugged. He narrowed his eyes.  
“I know the one.” He murmured. He pulled out his phone and texted someone. Since my phone didn’t ring, I could only guess it was Reggie. I beamed and looked down at my desk.   
He was definitely distracted during the lesson, his eyes constantly flicking over to me when he thought I couldn’t see, his tongue sliding across his lips. My breath hitched in my throat as I realized the implications of getting Gerard turned on – it turned me on, too. I shifted in my too-tight jeans as I watched his dark hazel eyes try not to stray to me.   
Once he’d set the class on their task, which I really hadn’t listened to, he got up and walked over to me almost straight away, not even bothering to be subtle. His hard-on was _very_ obvious, and he clearly didn’t care. He dropped to my side, smiling tightly.  
“Frank.” He said coldly. I pressed my lips together.  
“Mr. Way?”  
“Frank, are you trying to fucking kill me?” he hissed. The class was, thankfully, talking over him. I shifted.  
“I’m sorry, sir. I thought you’d like it.” I whispered back. He moaned.  
“Baby, it’s- fuck. I can’t wait to get my hands on you.”   
“I’m so hard.” I whispered.   
“Me too. So fucking hard for you, Frankie.” He panted.   
“After class. Your desk.”  
“I have a class after this.”  
“Toilets, then?”  
“Okay, yeah. I can be late to my next class.” He laughed breathily.   
“Me too.” I smiled. He nodded and stood up, pulling his blazer over the bulge in his pants.  
“Is that okay, then?” he asked, more loudly. I nodded.  
“Mhm, yeah. I get it now.” I said. He nodded curtly and scurried back to his desk. I gave Chris a smile, and he rolled his eyes.  
“Gross.” He sighed, shaking his head.   
“You didn’t hear us, right?”  
“Nope, you’re fine.” He smiled reassuringly. I nodded and tried to focus on my work.  
Unsuccessfully, of course, because I couldn’t stop looking at him, and he couldn’t stop looking at me.  
He wasn’t just looking at me, though. He was giving me ‘I want to fuck you right now’ eyes, and I couldn’t help the small whimpers of _need_ that were slipping out of my lips. I was hard and throbbing in my jeans, and I just needed him to touch me. If I’d known that getting this fucking tattoo would mean this much frustration, I’d have thought twice about getting it.  
Okay, maybe not. But the way Gerard was looking at me was definitely making it hard to focus on anything but my aching dick.

 

I didn’t miss his moan of relief when the bell rang. He tried to stay bright as he dismissed the class, but I could tell – and everyone else could probably tell – that he was struggling to keep control. As always, I made it look like I was getting my stuff ready for my last class as the rest of the students filed out. The last one was barely out the door when he jumped up and grabbed me, crashing our lips together. His hand slid up around my new tattoo and he moaned.   
“Fuck, let’s go.” He said, grinding against me.   
“Baby, wait. We have to wait for the halls to clear.” I giggled.   
“No. Let’s go.” He said, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me out the door.  
“Stay behind me a bit.” He murmured as he made his way to the toilets. It was pretty easy to stagger our distance, because while students made way for him, they didn’t show me the same courtesy. By the time I made it into the toilet, he was waiting against a cubicle, rubbing himself shamelessly.   
“What if someone else had come in instead of me?” I hissed. He laughed.  
“I’d have fucked them. Lucky it was you, right?” he said, pulling me into a cubicle.  
“God, baby. That looks so hot. And your eyes…and you lips…fuck. You were trying to kill me, weren’t you?”   
“Guilty” I smiled. He pushed me against the door, his mouth closing over the scorpion on my neck as he rutted against me.   
“Not…enough…time…to…fuck…” he groaned in between licks to my neck and jawline.  
“It’s okay, baby.” I whispered, reaching down and unzipping his pants. He whimpered, biting down on my neck.  
“I fucking love tattoos.” He panted with a light smile as I pulled his cock out of his boxers.  
“Yeah, I got that.” I chuckled as I pumped his swollen cock, my thumb swiping along the tip, collecting some of the precum that had accumulated there. He let out a jagged moan as I fisted his dick.   
“More.” He rasped, kissing my neck, running his tongue along the length of the scorpion. He moaned and unzipped my jeans, chuckling to himself at the rather large wet patch on my boxers.  
“So much cum for me already, sweetheart. Such a good slut.” He murmured, smiling into my skin. I tilted my head back, giving him more access to my neck and throat, which he attacked with his lips, biting and kissing the skin, which was still sore anyway. His long fingers closed around my cock and he pumped slowly, matching the pace that I was stroking him with. He pressed his lips against mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. I moaned and locked my other hand in his hair.   
It was then that the bathroom door opened. He pulled away, putting a hand over my mouth.  
“Who’s in here?” called a voice I recognized as the principal’s.  
“Paul?” Gerard called.   
“Yeah, who’s that?”  
“G-Gerard.” He stammered.   
“Who else is in here?” Mr. Tucker demanded.   
“Nobody, as far as I know.”  
“Don’t you have a class now?”  
“Yeah, I just, ah, felt kind of sick.” He called, his mouth pulling into an amused smile as his hand started to move on my dick again. Oh, fuck no. His hand closed more firmly over my mouth.   
“Do I need to get a substitute to cover your class?”  
“Um…if there’s one handy. I shouldn’t be too much longer, but I just vomited so-“  
“Enough said. No problem, Gerard. Go home if you need to.” He said. Gerard rain a nail over the slit of my cock and I bit down on his hand to stop myself from screaming.  
“I probably won’t have to, but thank you.” He said, moving his hand down my cock to cup my balls, rolling them between his thumb and forefinger. I bucked my hips up involuntarily and he smiled.   
We heard the door close a moment later, followed by Mr. Tucker’s feet clicking down the hallway. He moved his hand and replaced it with his mouth.  
“That was close.” He smiled.  
“You’re so fucked up.” I chuckled, pumping his cock again. He bit his lip and moaned.  
“Yeah, I’m real fucked up.” He gasped, biting my neck.   
“You want people to watch us fucking, don’t you?”  
“Of course I do. You look so pretty when you’re fucking me.” He smirked, licking from my collarbone to my jaw.   
“Make me cum.” I gasped. He moaned and dropped to his knees, taking me in his mouth before I could say anything.   
It didn’t take long. I was so desperate that it was only a couple of thrusts before I exploded in his mouth, my cum dribbling out the side of his lips where he was struggling to swallow it all. He dragged himself to his feet and slammed me against the door, his tongue sliding into my mouth. He wrapped one hand around my throat, and the other around his cock. My mouth was filled with his tongue and the taste of myself, and I could hardly breathe as he squeezed my throat. He pulled away slightly, his eyes dark as he glared at me, his hand moving fast and hard on himself.  
“Look so hot, Frankie. Gonna get off on how pretty you look.” He moaned, kissing my jaw.   
“Yeah?” I breathed, smiling. He took a step back and bit his lip.  
“Yeah.” He murmured, fucking himself up into his fist. I felt only vaguely uncomfortable, not sure what he wanted me to do.   
“Bite your lip for me.” He said, smiling softly. I did, and he moaned. I let my head fall back against the door and ran my hand through my hair.  
“Yeah, like that.” He moaned.   
I let my hand fall down my face, my nails catching on my tattoo, and closed my hand around my throat for a moment, before dropping my hand down my chest.   
“Fuck, Frankie!” he cried moments before he came, turning around just in time to shoot into the toilet, one hand resting above his head. He groaned loudly as he stroked himself through his orgasm, panting heavily.   
“Gee-“  
“Fuck, just gimme a sec.” he whispered. I took the break to pull my jeans up from where they’d pooled around my knees, and tucked myself back inside them. By the time I’d done that, Gerard turned around and kissed the scorpion softly, then kissed my lips, then my forehead.   
“You’re too much.” He murmured, stroking my face. I just beamed at him. He furrowed his eyebrows.  
“I don’t want you going up to Reggie’s on your own again, okay? It’s not a good place for you.”   
“I know. Um, I already had an incident.” I said before I could stop myself. He narrowed his eyes.  
“What kind of incident?”  
“N-no it’s fine. Reg’ sorted it out.”  
“Tell me.” He said.   
“Some guy kept, um, touching me and saying things.”  
“What things?” he said calmly. I knew then what Reggie meant about him being ‘scary calm’.   
“Like, he wanted me to suck him off, and I said no, and then Reggie kicked him out.”  
“That was kind of him. Did you catch the man’s name?”  
“No.” I lied.   
“Why are you lying to me?” Gerard said softly.  
“Because you’re gonna break his wrists.” I blurted out. Gerard raised his eyebrows in surprise, a smirk twitching on his lips.   
“Reggie’s been telling stories, then.” He chuckled. He shook his head and pressed a kiss to my forehead.  
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I just don’t like people being disrespectful to you.”  
“You broke his wrists.” I said blankly. Gerard laughed nervously.  
“It was a long time ago. I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”  
“No, it’s just…it’s kind of hot actually.” I laughed lightly.  
“Yeah? You like the idea of me gettin’ all possessive over you?”  
“In a weird way, yes?”  
“And you say I’m fucked up.” He chuckled, pulling me into his arms.   
“Don’t hurt people anymore, okay?” I mumbled into his chest.  
“Oh, baby, you make me sound so bad when you say that.” He said sadly. I kissed him.  
“I just…it’s so weird. You’re so kind and lovely, but you’ll beat people up for talking shit. I don’t like it.”  
“I haven’t done anything like that in ages. I just got mad. Normally I was drunk. Forgive me?” he said, smiling sweetly.   
“There’s nothing to forgive, just…don’t let them get to you anymore. It’s not worth it.”  
“I didn’t realize it would upset you. I promise I’ll stay calm.” He said.   
“It was kinda cool though, that guy getting all scared when Reggie mentioned that I was yours.” I giggled. Gerard chuckled.  
“See, being my baby has its perks.” He sighed.   
“I think missing like, 25 minutes of my lesson to fuck you in a toilet is definitely one of them.” I smiled. He laughed.  
“Speaking of which-“  
“Aw, no.”  
“Yep. You gotta get going, sugar. I’ll talk to you later.” He said, unlocking the door and shepherding me out. I turned and kissed him quickly before I left.  
“Okay. I love you.”  
“You too, babe.” He grinned.

 

_Gerard sighed once the bathroom door shut, running a hand through his hair. He wished, more than anything, that Reggie hadn’t told Frank all those stories. He could see in the way Frank looked at him that he was, despite his reassurances, slightly afraid of him. He hadn’t meant to get so violent, but when he got mad like that he just saw red. Gerard remembered that time he’d actually slapped Frank, and winced.  
“Fuck.” He breathed, resting his head against the stall door. He didn’t want to hurt Frank – not ever. Frank was the only thing keeping him alive, and he couldn’t risk losing his temper like that again. He needed to stay calm, to stop himself from scaring Frank or, God forbid, from hurting him again.   
He thought to the nearly empty bottle of pills in his medicine cabinet. There was enough there for another high, he was sure, and if he was sparing, he could make them last until his next therapy appointment, where he’d mention casually that he’d run out of pills.   
Yeah, that was good. Gerard didn’t like lying to Frank, but without the pills, he’d get sad and angry again, and he didn’t want to hurt Frank.  
He didn’t ever want to hurt him. _


	49. The colours of your soul

“You’re crazy, Gerard Way, you know that? Fuckin’ crazy.” I chuckled. He rolled his eyes and pushed me down onto the bed.  
“I don’t care. I wanna do it.”  
“You’ve drawn me a thousand times before – why do we have to make a big thing out of it?” I sighed. He smiled gently, running a finger down my cheek.   
“This time is special. I’m gonna sell this one, I think.” He grinned proudly.   
“Who’d buy my face?” I laughed. He brought my face up to his and kissed me hungrily.   
“I’d buy it. I’d fuck it. I’d marry it. Your damn face is so beautiful, and someone is gonna look at this painting and fall in love with you.” He growled, kissing my forehead before retreating.   
“And you’re okay with that?” I laughed, pressing my thighs together as he set up his easel and paints. He chuckled, shoving the end of a paintbrush between his lips.  
“Yeah, I’m okay with that. They’re not gonna be able to look at the real thing, are they? You’re all mine, darling.” He grinned. I pursed my lips.  
“What do you even want me to do?” I sighed. Gerard slid his glasses onto his face and nodded.  
“Okay, so if you sort of sit up on your knees, but not in a slutty way, like, in a ‘I’m waiting for my dorky boyfriend to be done painting me so I can cuddle him’ kind of way” he grinned.  
“Right, I think I’ve got that.” I chuckled. He nodded appreciatively.   
“Right, now I want you to put one hand behind your neck like – yeah, like that. Good. Okay, now put the other hand in your waistband, like, with your thumbs in the loops. Yeah, perfect. _Perfect._ ” He sighed, looking at me adoringly. I blushed under his praise.  
“Okay you dork, now what?”  
“Right, so now I want you to smile for me.” He said. I did, and he frowned, shaking his head.  
“No, baby, don’t fake it. Think about me. Think about how we made love on a roof, or about how I’m gonna marry you, and about how much I love you. Yeah, that’s it. Look at me like you’re in love with me.” He smiled. I bit my lip and he chuckled.  
“Even better. You think you can stay still for me, sweetheart?”  
“For how long?” I sighed. He pursed his lips.   
“Maybe…I don’t know. Not long. I just have to get the outlines done, and I can probably do the details myself. I nodded and got back into position. He gave me a wide smile, and grabbed his pencil. The only thing that could be heard for a long time was the gentle scratching of his pencil against the paper, and his occasional hum of approval, or a sigh of annoyance. His eyes were narrowed, focused on the canvas in front of him. He grinned, grabbing a paintbrush – finally – and dipping it into black paint. He looked up at me and smiled a little.  
“Do you want to stay like that, or do you want a break?”   
“I can stay.” I said. He grinned and started moving his brush in long, heavy strokes against the paper, the paint flicking out and hitting his cheeks and glasses. Despite this, though, he just kept painting, his eyes moving impossibly quickly between me and his work. He abandoned the brush with the black paint on it, his hand reaching desperately for another one and slathering red paint onto it, before stroking it along the paper. His breath was coming hard and heavy, his lips parted and dry as his eyes flicked up to mine. The way it looked, this was just going to be a red and black mess. I knew Gerard, though. It’d be perfect.   
“Moan for me.” He whispered suddenly, his voice hoarse.   
“What?” I laughed. He looked up at me, his eyes serious.  
“Moan. Loud. Let me hear you moan.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I need you to so I can finish this. I need to draw your moan into it.”  
“You’re crazy.”  
“Moan or I’ll make you.” He breathed, not looking at me. I let a soft whimper escape my lips, followed by a loud moan. He nodded, as if I should continue, and turned his attention back to the drawing. I moaned again.   
“Keep going. I’m…almost done.” He panted. I moaned loudly, my voice desperate and loud, despite faking it.   
“Okay. Okay, it’s fine. You can stop.” He breathed. I nodded and closed my mouth, dropping my pose. He pulled the brush across the page a few more times before dropping it down next to the black one. His eyes wandered across his work, and a small smile slipped across his lips.  
“Mm. Yeah. That’s real good.” He murmured. He rose from his chair and walked slowly towards me, his paint-covered hand cupping my cheek, his thumb sliding across my lips.  
“You were so good for me. Thank you.” He murmured. I leaned my head into his touch.   
“Mm, anything for you, honey.” I sighed, wrapping a hand around his wrist, pulling him closer to me. He hummed happily and slid into my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck.  
“I love you so much. You’re everything.”  
“You’re everything to me too.” I smiled.  
“I’d be dead without you.” He murmured suddenly. I gaped at him.  
“Wh-what?” I stammered. He shrugged, nonchalantly.   
“I don’t think I’d be alive if you didn’t love me. I need you.” He said, pressing a kiss to my jaw. I held him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder.  
“Hey, don’t talk like that. I love you, okay? I’m always gonna love you.”   
“I hope so, sweetheart.” He sighed, tucking my hair behind my ear. I gave him a weak smile.  
“So, when am I gonna see your masterpiece?” I laughed. He pushed me backwards onto the bed, climbing on top of me.  
“I think I wanna make out with you for a bit first, then you can see it.” He grinned. I laughed and pulled him down to me, pressing our lips together. He sighed and ran his tongue along my bottom lip, angling his head to deepen the kiss. His hands rested softly on my hips, his nails digging into my skin slightly.   
“Holy shit.” I breathed, feeling suddenly overwhelmed as I looked at the man on top of me. He was fuck, twice my age? He was my _teacher?_ He was in love with me? What the fuck?   
Gerard slid off, his eyes wide.  
“What?” he asked.   
“Oh, fuck. Oh fuck I’m dating my teacher.” I gasped, putting my hands in my hair. He just stared at me like I was crazy.  
“Um. Yes. You have been for a little while.” He chuckled.   
“That’s so weird, right? Like, you’re my _teacher._ That’s such a weird thing!” I laughed. He just furrowed his eyebrows.   
“Frank, are you okay?” he asked slowly. I laughed and kissed him.  
“Yeah, I’m good. It’s just…that’s so fucking cool. I’m so cool. I managed to pull my teacher. I’m like, a fuckin’ sex god, right?” I laughed, elated.   
“You’re fuckin’ crazy.” He smiled, pulling me on top of him. My lips melted against his, his hands coming up to slide under my shirt.  
“Gee.” I laughed, wiggling as he tried to lift my shirt up.  
“What?” he pouted.  
“Painting. Show me.” I said. He sighed and pecked me softly on the mouth.   
“Okay!” he laughed, pushing me off of him and grabbing my hand, pulling me up. He put his hands softly over my eyes and kissed my neck as he walked me over to the canvas.  
“Ready, sweetheart? Ready to see how I see you?” he murmured. My heart raced in my throat.  
“Definitely. Show me.” I whispered. He took a breath before moving his hands.  
“Oh…Gee.” I breathed. The actual drawing of me was beautiful. Instead of being detailed and perfect like his other drawings, it was drawn in a loose-hand almost comic-book style, with rough lines and edges that were too dark. It was organized chaos on the page, and it was definitely, undeniably me. He’d left my skin uncoloured, still white from the netural colour of the canvas, but he’d scribbled in my lips in red, lined my eyes in black, and had even included the scorpion on my neck. My clothing was completely black, and harsh red lines were emitting from my form, like an aura. Streaks of black and red seemed to run at each other seemingly randomly, colliding around me and encasing me in a blood red and coal black bubble. It was beautiful.   
“Is this what I look like to you?” I giggled. He kissed below my ear.  
“Yeah. This is what I see when I see you. Black and red.”   
“Kinda sad colours, aren’t they?” I murmured. He grinned against my skin.  
“No. I see red, like passion, like love. I see red in your mouth and in your eyes and in your touch, or the way you feel against me and…and inside me. Your touch is red.”  
“And the black?” I whispered.  
“Black is everything else. Black is everything that isn’t you. I see black as a reminder of what I’d be without you.” He said, his arms tightening around me. I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder.   
“Why do I feel like my face is the least important part of this?” I giggled.   
“On the contrary, my little miracle, your face is the most important. See how it’s the center of the whole page? It’s all about you; this piece of art, all the colours, my whole life. It’s just you. Only you.” He sighed, rocking his body up into me, sensually, rather than sexually.  
“Do you draw all the guys you fuck?” I teased. He laughed and spun me around so I was facing him.  
“Only the ones I plan on making mine for the rest of my life.”  
“Is that a lot?”  
“Oh yeah, almost every single one.” He joked, kissing the bridge of my nose softly.   
“I’m so lucky.” I murmured. His smile faltered.  
“No…you’re not. I’m lucky. I just wish I could be better for you.” He whispered, almost sadly.  
“What are you talking about? You’re perfect.” I said, covering his hand with mine. He sighed, looking like he was debating something, before giving me a weak smile.  
“I guess so, love.” He murmured.

 

Somehow - I couldn’t remember if he started it or I had - we ended up lying next to each other, holding eachother tightly, wearing nothing but our boxers. My cock was soft and uninterested in my underwear, and a quick glance told me that his was the same. This wasn’t about sex.   
“I think I like your lips the best.” Gerard murmured, running his fingertips along my mouth, which I parted under his touch.  
“Yeah?” I smiled. He kissed me, his lips barely brushing mine.  
“Yeah, angel. They’re gorgeous.” He sighed. I brushed his cheekbone, just under his eye.  
“Your eyes.”  
“What about them?” he asked softly, smiling.  
“They’re my favourite. They’re so beautiful and…expressive. You’re such an open book, and I love you for it.” I murmured. He shifted.  
“Can you tell how I feel right now?” he asked softly, seeming nervous.   
“Mhm. You’re…happy. You love me. I think you feel loved, but you’re kinda sad. Why are you sad?” I frowned.   
“You’re good.” He smiled softly.  
“Baby?”  
“I just am. I’m always sort of sad. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry, baby. I don’t want you to be sad or sorry.”   
“I’m no good for you, Frankie.” He sighed, running his fingertips along my collarbone.

“Yeah you are. Gerard, I want you forever.” I said, feeling desperation building up in the back of my throat. He pulled me closer, and I saw tears shining in his eyes.  
“You shouldn’t. You should want someone who can be the best for you. You shouldn’t have to settle for some broken old man.” He said weakly. I kissed him hard, trying to chase the sadness away.  
“Never say that. I need you…” I breathed. He kissed my forehead.  
“Mm. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”  
“It’s fine, I’m not sad. I’m with you, so I’m happy.” I smiled. He ran a hand through my hair, just staring into my eyes.  
“Where’s all this coming from, anyway? Is your therapy not working?” I asked softly. His breath hitched and he looked down.  
“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” I rolled us over so I was on top of him, my hands framing his face. I smirked.  
“You’re too beautiful for words. I just…I look at you, and I can’t even contain how beautiful you are. I can’t believe I ever lived without you.” I sighed. He kissed my wrist softly.  
“You didn’t always want me.” He murmured against my skin.  
“I know. It’s crazy. I can’t think of a world where I could look at you and not…want you. I want you so much.”   
“I want you too. Always.” He smiled. I chewed my lip, rolling onto my back.   
“Hey, Gerard?”  
“Yeah, angel?”  
“Show me how to paint?” I murmured gently. He raised his eyebrows.  
“You wanna paint?” he chuckled. I pouted.  
“Why is that so weird to consider?” I said.  
“Because I’ve seen your art. You’re shit.” He laughed. I sat up and turned away, pretending to be hurt, but he just dragged me back into his arms, holding me close to his chest.  
“Sorry. I’ll show you, honey. Grab me a paint brush and a pot of red ink.” He said. I was suspicious, but did as he said. He showed me how to hold the brush, then closed his fingers over mine, bringing the pain close to him.  
“I’ll be your canvas, okay? Just draw what you feel.” He murmured softly. I chuckled.  
“Seriously? You want me to paint on you?” I said incredulously. He just nodded, his lips parting, his eyes fluttering shut.  
“Paint.” He murmured. I brought the brush down onto his pale skin, and he flinched a little as the cold paint made contact with his warm skin.   
“I can’t draw.” I murmured. A light smile made it’s way across his mouth.  
“You don’t have to draw. Just paint.” He sighed. I let the brush move up his body, watching the way the harsh red stood out against the pure white. I flicked my wrist and the line curved around his chest, some of the paint splattering his neck, joining the splashes of black that had already claimed the skin there. I curved the brush down, sliding over his nipple. He whimpered and arched his back when I did that, his teeth sliding across his lip. I brought the brush down, making swirly patterns with the paint, watching as it decorated his skin.   
“Can I use other colours?” I asked softly. He smiled.  
“Of course.” He murmured. I reached for his paints, dipping the brush into some water before dipping it into the gold paint. This looked even better on his skin than the red had, shining slightly where the warm, June sun was hitting it.  
“That feels good.” He giggled, his eyes still closed. I ran the brush up the length of his chest, bringing it up to his collarbones, and painting all the way up to his jaw, following its sharp curve with the gold.   
“Can I… is this toxic?” I asked hesitantly. He laughed.  
“Not unless I drink it.” He smiled. I brought the brush across his face, coating his bottom lip in gold, bringing the brush back down and drawing a large, ornate ‘F’ above his heart. I leaned back to admire my creation, and he smiled.  
“I feel like a mess.” He said, looking down.  
“You look beautiful.” I murmured. He looked up at me, pulling me into his arms.  
“I’m gonna get messy.” I laughed, wiggling away from him. He held me hard.  
“No, baby. This is how you make art.” He whispered, his voice hoarse, as he kissed me. I could taste the bitter, metallic taste of the paint in my mouth, but I let him kiss me anyway, feeling the paint smearing on my body where his was rubbing against mine.  
“One sec.” he breathed. He reached back and grabbed the pot of blue paint, squirting it on my hands.  
“What the fu-“  
“Lather it.” He commanded, squirting a generous helping of green paint onto his hands. Sighing, I did as he said. He grinned.  
“Now come here.” He said, pulling me forward by my arms. I realized quickly why he wanted to do this, when I saw his handprints left on my skin.  
“Jesus, Gerard.” I laughed airily. He cupped my face, his hand sliding down my body, leaving a trail of green. I held onto his hips, almost smiling at the blue handmarks that were left behind. He pushed me down, leaving prints on my chest, and tangled his hands in my hair. I grinned

“It’s not gonna come out.” I sighed. He smirked.  
“Good.” He whispered, pressing his skin against mine. I raked my hands down his back and he arched up into the touch, his hand resting heavily against my chest. I slid my hand down his side and into his boxers, rubbing his heavy, leaking cock gently. He whimpered and bucked up into me, leaning his head down to lick softly at my nipple. I gasped and arched up, watching the green handprints that were being left on my thighs. He bit down gently and I cried out, the hand on his forearm tightening.  
“Gerard, I love you.” I whispered. He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me deeply, smearing gold across my cheeks.   
“Love me, Frank. Love me forever.” He gasped, rolling so I was on top of him. The bedsheets were absolutely covered in paint, but he didn’t seem to care as he arched up into my touch, turning his head away from me so I could press kisses to his neck.   
“Cum on me.” He whispered.   
“Oh, okay.” I gasped.  
“Paint me, honey.” He smirked lightly. I let out a nervous chuckle as I stroked myself lazily, looking down at him. He was a mess of colours swirling across his pale skin, moulding into each other to create new colours entirely. There wasn’t an inch of his skin, except, perhaps, his face, that wasn’t completely covered in paint. His hands ran up my thighs as I fucked myself lazily into my fist, getting off on the way he writhed underneath me, his body marked by my hands. I whispered a curse as I came, the liquid shooting out onto the bundle of colours on his glowing white chest. He moaned softly, arching up to make sure it all hit him, and looking up at me through hooded eyes.  
“You look gorgeous.” I whispered, watching as my cum slid down his chest and into the hollow of his pelvis. He laughed.   
“You’re art, Frank. You’re so…” he just shook his head. I leaned down to kiss him, stroking his cheek.   
“I guess I’m sort of an artist now, right?” I winked. He laughed.  
“Yeah, baby. You probably wouldn’t get much money for me though.” He giggled. I raised my eyebrows and kissed his forehead.  
“You, my love, aren’t for sale. You’re mine.” I smiled.   
“Works for me, sugar.” He sighed contentedly.   
“Do you want me to-“ I said, reaching for his dick, straining against his boxers. He shook his head, pulling me into his arms.  
“No, I just wanna hold you. Is that alright, honey?” he murmured, kissing my head. I chuckled.   
“More than okay. It’s perfect.” I sighed. He giggled, wiggling against me.  
“We’re so gross. This was such a sexy idea, and now we’re just sticky and colourful and gross.” He sighed.   
“We can get a shower in a minute.” I murmured sleepily into his shoulder.  
“I like how you said that casually, and you’re actually really excited about it.” He teased. I peered up at him.  
“You mean you’ll do it?” I breathed. He kissed me.  
“Yeah, of course. Whatever you want, angel.” He sighed, stroking my cheek.   
“I want you.”  
“You got it, honey.” He smirked.

 

He helped me into the shower like I’d never been in one before.  
“Damn, Gee, I know how to take a shower.” I grumbled. He laughed, wrapping his arms around me.  
“I just don’t want you to fall.” He murmured, pulling us both under the warm spray. Almost immediately, the colours dripped off of us, staining the water different colours. We watched as they ran down the sink, and I was almost sad to see them go. He tangled his hands in my hair, rubbing it and coaxing the colours out, watching as they slid down my skin.  
“You’re breathtaking.” He smiled. I leaned forward and kissed him, watching out of the corner of my eye as our colours slid down the drain. It was probably symbolic in some way, but I was too busy kissing the love of my life to notice.  
“Might dye my hair again.” He laughed, kissing my jaw.  
“Yeah? What colour?”  
“Like, blonde. I’ll just cut it all off and dye it blonde.” He giggled. I smiled, brushing his wet hair back from his face.  
“If you wanna. I’d think you were beautiful no matter what.” I said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and sighed happily.  
“I want you to be proud of me, Frankie. I want you to look at me and say “hey, that’s my husband.”” He murmured against my skin. Then he froze.  
“Husband?” I said, grinning slowly.  
“I…it just came out.” He said, blushing. I bit my lip and laughed.  
“You said husband.” I repeated.  
“Let it go.” He groaned.  
“Say it again.” I urged him.   
“W-what? That I want you to marry me, so I can come home every day and kiss my husband on the fucking mouth to shut him up because he’s an asshole?” he said sweetly. I giggled.  
“Yeah, that.” I sighed, resting my head on his chest.  
“Hmm. Okay.” He chuckled.  
“When you gonna ask me to marry you for real?” I asked, suddenly brave. He sighed, cupping my cheek.  
“Not in the shower, that’s for sure. I’m gonna do it, I promise. I just want it to be the right time, okay?”  
“Yeah, it’s okay. I just don’t want you to change your mind.” I murmured. He pressed a kiss to my forehead.  
“I won’t. I couldn’t.” he vowed. He seemed slightly on-edge about something.   
“What’s wrong, Gerard? There’s something you’re not telling me.” I breathed. He took a deep breath.  
“Frank…I didn’t want to tell you this, because I thought things were gonna be better, but they’re not. I’ve been too scared to tell you until now, but, I-“  
He was cut off by Mikey banging on the bathroom door, demanding that we get out. Gerard cursed under his breath and slid out of the shower before I had time to ask him to continue.

  
For the rest of the night, if I asked him what he was going to say, he dismissed it, smiling, and changed the topic. Even Mikey was starting to get suspicious, but he didn’t cut in at all.   
“Gerard, you can’t keep hiding things from me.” I sighed as he pulled up outside my house. He leaned in and kissed me softly, his hand caressing my cheek.  
“I’m sorry. I thought I was ready, and I wasn’t. I’ll tell you when I…can.” He sighed.  
“Is it bad?” I asked slowly. He just pursed his lips, looking away from me. I held his hand and kissed him again.  
“I trust you, and I love you. Goodnight, Gerard.” I sighed against his mouth. He leaned in to deepen the kiss, but I was already sliding out of the car, my heart hammering in my chest, and dread settling in my bones.


	50. (I promise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-harm and drug abuse tw! <3

There were some things that I just knew about Gerard without ever really being told. I knew that he liked skittles too much, and that the red ones were his favorites. I knew that his favorite pair of underwear was pink satin panties. I knew that he had an obsession with Morrissey and David Bowie. I also knew that when his eyes were wide and blown, like they were that day, it meant that he was as high as a fucking kite.   
I hadn’t noticed at first. I’d been at his house after school on a Thursday afternoon, a new development in our routine that was borne of my Mother taking on later shifts on that day, and he was helping me study.   
When I say ‘helping’, however, I mean that very loosely. Gerard, despite being a teacher, had rather unconventional ways of studying that involved, predominantly, a butt plug that he’d turn up whenever I got an answer wrong, and turn down whenever I got one right. It was infuriating, but certainly motivating. I suppose that’s why I didn’t notice that he was stoned at first – I’d assumed he was just horny (both states made him lazy and slightly dazed).   
“Okay Frankie, give me an example of an unconventional relationship in modern or post-modern literature, with examples from the text and character analysis of at least one of the participants.” He said, his finger sliding across the controller.   
“How about Gerard Way fucking his student with a butt plug so he passes his exams? I’d call that unconventional.” I sighed. He giggled in a high-pitched way.  
“Want me to take it out?” he asked, his eyelids drooping. I nodded and he chuckled, sliding the plug out of me.  
“I guess you’ve earned a break, kiddo.” He smiled, pulling me into his arms. I sighed and buried my face in his neck.  
“Mm, I love you.” I sighed. He giggled softly.  
“What?” I smiled.  
“I don’t know. I’m just laughing.”  
“At?”  
“Nothing. Everything. I don’t even know.” He said, snorting with laughter.   
“Right, okay.” I said, raising an eyebrow at him. He sighed and lay down, his arms still circled around me, even though I was sitting up still.   
“Everythin’ feels so fuzzy. I like it.” He sighed happily. I pouted, chewing my lip.  
“Fuzzy?”  
“Yeah, like an old picture or somethin’.” He grinned. I narrowed my eyes.  
“Come here.” I said softly, pulling him up. He smiled lazily at me as I looked into his eyes, my stomach dropping when I realized how blown his pupils were.  
“You’re high.” I said softly. He giggled.   
“No, I’m just…um. Stoned.” He shrugged.  
“Same thing.” I snapped. He let out a small whine and curled himself around me.  
“Aw, don’t be angry Frank.” He smiled into my neck. I wiggled away from him.  
“I am angry. I thought you weren’t doing this shit anymore?” I groaned.  
“I wasn’t, and now I am. It’s none of your business anyway.” He said.   
“Right. None of my business that my boyfriend is becoming some drugged up loser.” I hissed.   
“You’re so mean to me. No wonder I do drugs. Fuckin’ stress me out.” He hummed.   
“What, so it’s my fault now?” I cried. He widened his eyes and pulled me closer despite my struggles.  
“No, I love you a lot. I’m just stressed the fuck out. Needed to chill.”  
“Get off of me.” I murmured, pushing him away and turning away from him, my work long since forgotten.  
“You’re so angry at me all the time, Frankie. Don’t you love me?” he whimpered, pressing kisses to my neck, his arms snaking around my waist.  
“Of course I love you. That’s why I can’t bear to watch you ruin yourself like this. I love you too much to watch you die.” I sighed.   
“’M not gonna die. I’m just high.”   
“Why, though? I thought therapy was working? You said you were sober.” I accused, ignoring the tears that flooded my eyes.  
“It was working, and then it wasn’t anymore. I was sober, and now I’m not. I don’t know what the problem is, anyway. You do drugs.” He pointed out.  
“I’m not an addict.” I retorted. He sighed, dropping his forehead to my shoulder.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think I’d still be high by the time you got here.”  
“That’s not what I’m mad about! You shouldn’t be getting high anyway.” I groaned.   
“I want to though?” he said, confused, as if he could see nothing wrong with him getting stoned every day. I sighed as I felt his arms leave my body, his weight falling to the other side of the bed.   
“Come fuck me.” He moaned softly. I laughed bitterly.  
“You’re joking.”  
“No. I’m so hard.” He whispered. I looked over my shoulder to see his legs sprawled out, his hand working furiously at the bulge in his jeans, panting hard.   
“God, Gerard, have some decency.” I sighed, reaching for my English book.  
“I am decent, fuck off.” He snapped.   
“Were you high in class today?” I demanded suddenly. His hand slowed on his pants.  
“Um, not in your class. In other classes, though, yeah.” He shrugged, his hand sliding back between his thighs. With his body spread out like that and his mouth hanging open so wide and invitingly, his eyes fluttered shut, he looked just like a fucking pornstar, and if I wasn’t so mad at him, I probably would have told him just that. He let out a soft moan, his eyes widening as he looked at me.  
“Fuck me.” He whispered again. I sighed.  
“God, Gerard, seriously, stop it.” I snapped.   
“Why?”   
“I don’t want to fuck you.” I sniffed, moving away from him. He looked vaguely hurt.  
“Why?”  
“Because you’re fucking disgusting. I don’t want you anywhere near me when you’re like this, and I _certainly_ don’t want to be inside you.”   
“Aw, you don’t mean that.” He said, reaching for me. I shifted away from him.  
“Yes I do. Don’t fucking touch me. Jesus, where’s Mikey?” I said, jumping to my feet. Gerard chewed his lip.  
“He’s at the hospital. Won’t be home for a while. Why?”  
“Because I want him to drive me home.” I snapped. Gerard let out a soft whine and crawled over to me, wrapping his arms around me.  
“Baby, I’m sorry.” He murmured. I shook my head.  
“You told me that you were off the drugs. You said you didn’t need them anymore.”   
“I don’t. Not really. I just…I had some left. I didn’t wanna waste it.” He sighed.  
“How about you have it for when you actually need it, maybe? That’s a good idea.”  
“I did need it!” he insisted. I groaned and moved to the edge of the bed.  
“I can’t even look at you.” I murmured.  
“Then close you eyes while you fuck me.”  
“Jesus, Gee, I’m not fucking you like this!” I cried, jumping to my feet.   
“Because you don’t love me. You’ve never loved me.” He whimpered.   
“Yes I do! I love you too much, that’s the damn problem here. If I didn’t love you, I’d probably let you get high and I’d fuck you whenever you wanted, even if it was bad for you.”   
“That sounds like more fun.”   
“God, you’re such a fucking child. You know what, Gerard? You wanna cum, do it yourself. You can stay up here and jack yourself off all you want. I’m going home.” I said, walking towards the door.  
“Aw, Frankie, no, please. I’ll be good.”  
“I don’t care, I’m going home.” I said, running down the stairs. He followed weakly behind me, grabbing my wrist when I got to the door.   
“Don’t leave me on my own, Frank. Please.” He whispered sadly.   
“You’re too stoned to notice if I’m here or not. Just go jerk off and go to sleep. I’m out.” I said, opening the door and slamming it shut behind me. I heard him whine softly, but I ignored it. I could probably find my way to school from his place, even though it was getting steadily darker, and then it was just a matter of walking home.   
To say I felt angry was the biggest fucking understatement ever. I was livid. He could have told me that things weren’t going well, but instead he decided to lie to me and get stoned behind my back. He even did it at school, which I thought was absolutely despicable. I could feel my phone vibrating softly, and I ignored it. I didn’t give a shit about what he had to say at this point, I just had to get home. Even though it was June, it was still sort of chilly, and I realized with a start that I’d left my hoodie at his place. I groaned, not wanting to go back, and carried on walking through the cold.   
I realized that Mikey may not even know about Gerard, and decided to warn him.

 

**TO: mikeyway  
(8:39pm)**

Hey Mikes. Gee’s stoned. Sorry.

 

Uncharacteristically, he actually replied pretty quickly. I put that down to him being extremely worried about his older brother.

 

**FROM: mikeyway**

**(8:45pm)**

What a fucking tool. Thanks, Frank. You with him?

 

**TO: mikeyway**

**(8:47pm)**

No, we got in a fight.

 

He didn’t respond to that, which I assumed meant that he was driving. That was good, he’d see Gerard soon and be able to take care of him.   
Honestly, I felt kind of bad for leaving him. I knew it wasn’t smart for him to be left alone when he was like that, but I just couldn’t stay. I hated seeing him so out of it. I felt tears prickle my eyes and punched in his number, not even waiting to talk myself out of it.  
“Yeah?” he said groggily.  
“Hey, are you alright?”  
“Do you mean am I dead?”  
“Yes.”  
“I’m not dead.”  
“Okay. Good.”  
“I’m so sorry.”  
“Yeah, whatever. Mikey’s gonna be home soon.”  
“Is he gonna yell at me?”  
“I really hope so.”  
“I’m so sorry Frankie.”  
“Bye, Mr. Way.” I said bitterly.  
“Oh, don’t. Frankie, don’t.” he groaned.   
“What, sir?”  
“Don’t. Don’t do that.”  
“I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Way?” I said, feigning confusion.   
“It makes it sound like we don’t have anything. We do. I love you.”  
“I think it’s a bit inappropriate to talk to a student like that.” I said coldly.  
“You’re not just a student, Frankie. Please, don’t talk to me like this.”  
“Why not? I’m a student, and you’re a teacher. How else should I talk to you?”  
“Don’t. Don’t do this to me, Frank. I can’t bear it, not this.”  
“I’m not doing anything.”  
“Please, this is too far. Don’t do this. What do you want from me?”   
“You’re a teacher. Act like one.”  
“Please. I love you.”  
“Okay. Great.” I said, hanging up. I knew I was being an asshole, and I didn’t really care. He was infuriating. He was so self-destructive, and worst of all, he lied about it. I had no idea how many times he’d been high and not told me. I realized with a start, that that was probably what he wanted to tell me last weekend. I groaned as I reached the school, knowing it was probably too late to go back. I wanted to call him again and apologise, but I didn’t think he’d want to hear my voice right now. I just walked, my head hung in something akin to shame as I made my way home.

 

Mom still wasn’t home when I got in. I’d been planning to have dinner at Gerard’s, but it hadn’t happened. Instead, I just made myself a sandwich and watched TV while I waited for her. Even though I desperately wanted to sleep, it was too early, and I knew I’d just end up waking up at 3am, feeling even worse than I did now.   
Mikey called a little while later, telling me he’d gotten home, and that Gerard was already passed out on the kitchen floor. He told me he hadn’t done anything stupid that Mikey could tell. I told him what I’d said, and he just sighed, and told me I was an idiot, but that Gerard was a bigger idiot.   
I asked him to update me, and he said he would, and I hung up, feeling a bit better. At least I knew Gerard wasn’t alone anymore.   
Still, I felt awful. My Mom could tell as she walked through the door that something was wrong.  
“Hey, what’s up, kid?” she asked, sitting next to me on the sofa. What could I tell her? ‘I made my boyfriend, who is also my teacher, feel like he was insignificant and that I didn’t love him, even though I love him more than I can fathom’? Of course not. So I lied. As always.  
“Cam and I got in a fight.” I sighed. She ‘aww-ed’ affectionately and pulled me into her arms.  
“That always sucks, Frankie. What was it over?” She said, rubbing my arm. I felt tears prickling my eyes.  
“He…he’d been lying to me about some stuff, and I got mad. Like, not serious stuff, really, just stuff that I’d like to have known. Anyway, I got angry and said a bunch of stuff, and I left, and now I’m worried.” I said. It felt good to talk about it, even if it was under false pretences. She hummed sadly.   
“Have you called him?”  
“I called him while I was walking home. I think he’s asleep now, though.” I said. She sighed.  
“Then there isn’t a lot you can do, sweetie. Just wait, okay. Give him time to calm down, and for yourself to calm down, and it’ll all be fine. It’s not like he’s going to stop loving you because of one argument.” She smiled. I squeezed her hand.  
“I love you so much, Mom.” I said, hugging her tightly. She laughed lightly.  
“I love you too, honey. You know you can always talk to me.” She said fondly. I felt the secret probing at the end of my tongue, and bit down. I couldn’t tell her that.   
“I know.” I said weakly, making my way upstairs.   
The clock said that it was 10, and I figured that that was a good enough time to sleep. I texted Mikey one last time to check on Gerard, and he confirmed that he was still passed out, and that he’d update me in the morning. I thanked him and fell asleep, feeling awful, but somewhat reassured.

 

The reassurance, however, didn’t last long. Well, I mean, I guess it did. It lasted about five and a half hours while I was asleep, until Gerard called me at 3:30am.   
The thing was that if it had been at any other time of the day, I’d have ignored it, but 3am phonecalls were saved for emergencies – matters of life and death. I picked up, my voice groggy.  
“Hey baby.” I murmured. He sobbed.   
“Frankie, baby. I need you.” He whispered. He still sounded kind of distant, and my guess was that he’d taken even more pills.  
“What’s wrong? I’m here.”  
“Call me baby. Call me darling, and love, and sweetheart and honey and…and every other name you can think of. Remind me that we’re real, because I’m so high, and I can’t remember if you’re in love with me or not.”  
“I am in love with you. Baby, I didn’t mean that earlier. You’re my love, my whole life. Sweetheart, baby, darling, honey. My life, okay? My whole life. I love you.” I murmured. He sobbed softly.   
“I’m so scared.” He whispered.  
“Don’t be afraid.”  
“I’m gonna die. I’m so scared, Frankie, I don’t wanna die.”  
“What did you do?” I asked, sitting up. He sobbed heavily.  
“I t-took more pills and I cut myself. I’m bleeding. I’m gonna die.”   
“How much blood? How many pills?” I asked desperately.  
“Not a lot. That’s not what’s gonna kill me.”   
“What is, then?”  
“Me. I’m gonna kill myself as soon as you hang up. I’m calling to say goodbye, I think.” He whispered hoarsely. I shook my head.  
“No, baby. No. You’re gonna be okay. You don’t have to do this.” I whispered, tears flowing down my cheeks, my body wracked with sobs.  
“Promise?”  
“I promise, angel. I love you so much, okay? Don’t leave me. Stay with me, always.”  
“Always.” He echoed distantly.  
“Where’s Mikey?”  
“He’s sleeping.”   
“Okay. Gerard, I need you to stay on the phone with me. Can you do that?”  
“Y-yeah, I can.”   
“Okay. Don’t hang up, no matter what.”  
“I won’t.”  
“Okay, good girl. You can be a good girl for me, can’t you?” I murmured, remembering how he liked to be called that.   
“Yes.” He said weakly.   
“Okay. Go wake up Mikey. Stay on the phone.” I ordered. He whimpered.   
“He’s gonna yell at me.”  
“No he won’t. Just go, okay, sweetie? Go wake him up.”  
“I want you here.”  
“I want to be there, but I can’t. Go wake up Mikey.” I repeated.   
“O-okay.” He murmured. It was silent for a moment, but I was comforted by his shaky breathing.   
“Mikes…Mikey…” he said softly. I didn’t hear the response, but Gerard answered with a sob.  
“I…I’m scared that I’m gonna die. Frank told me to get you.” He whispered, sounding like a child. I heard rustling, and Mikey’s voice vaguely in the background.   
“I haven’t done anythin’ except this. It’s not even bleeding that much. I’m just worried that I’m going to kill myself, and I don’t wanna.” He whimpered. I heard Mikey’s breathing join Gerard’s, and assumed that they were hugging.   
“Can I talk to Frank?” Mikey asked.  
“He told me not to get off the phone.” Gerard said weakly.  
“No, Gee, it’s okay. Pass me to Mikey.” I cooed softly. I heard rustling, then Mikey’s voice.  
“Frank.”  
“Dude, is he okay? I’m so…” I breathed, breaking into tears.   
“Yeah, he’s okay. He’s bleeding pretty bad, but it won’t take long to patch up. He’s not going to die, Frank, okay? I’m going to take care of him.”  
“I…I didn’t know what to…” I sobbed.   
“You did the best thing. Thank you.”   
“It’s okay. You promise he’s not going to die?”  
“I promise. Look, you wanna talk to him?”  
“Yeah.” I breathed, not realizing until then how anxious I was not hearing his voice.   
“Hey babe.” Gerard’s lazy voice said a moment later.  
“Are you okay?”  
“I’m okay now. Thank you.”  
“I love you so much. I’m so sorry. You’re not disgusting, or anything I said. You’re beautiful, and I’m so in love with you, baby.”  
“I love you too, Frankie.”   
“H-how about I take the day off of school and come see you tomorrow?”   
“Are you sure? You have exams…”  
“I don’t care. I want to see you, and hold you…I love you.”  
“Okay. Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you more than the world.”  
“You are my world.” I breathed. He breathed a laugh and hung up, probably on Mikey’s advice. I put my head in my hands and sobbed lightly, even though I knew he was going to be okay. I felt so bad. I knew, somewhere, that this wasn’t completely my fault, but I had even a little bit to do with it, and that was enough for me to feel like shit.   
Even though I knew Mikey would take care of him now, I still felt so anxious that I couldn’t get back to sleep, and by the time morning came, I was genuinely so tired that I probably couldn’t have gone to school if I tried.   
My Mom came into my room to wake me up, and frowned at my appearance.   
“Frankie, are you okay?” she murmured, leaning on the doorframe. I shook my head slowly.   
“I feel sick.” I whispered, my voice hoarse. She sighed.  
“I have to go to work, so I can’t stay home…do you want me to call into school for you?”  
“Y-yes please.” I murmured. She walked in and kissed me on the forehead.   
“Okay, sweetie. I’m gonna be home at 6, so you just rest, alright?”  
“Alright. Thank you, Mom.”  
“I love you, honey.” She said, making her way downstairs. As soon as she was gone, I called Mikey.   
“Hey, Frank.” He said. He sounded exhausted.  
“How is he?”  
“He’s…fine. He’s sleeping now. He was throwing up a lot last night once you left, and his arms were a bit worse than I thought, but he’s okay now.”  
“He asked me to come see him today, should I?”  
“I think so. He kept saying how he wants you, so.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. He’s said your name in his sleep a lot, too. I think you coming to see him is the best thing.”  
“Okay. Can you come get me?”  
“Yeah, no problem. I’ll just leave Gee a note. When do you want me to come?” I sighed.  
“Um. My Mom’s probably gonna leave in a few minutes, so maybe…give me like ten minutes.” I said.   
“Okay, sure. See you then.” he said, hanging up.  
Mom called out a goodbye to me and closed the door, and I leapt out of bed, throwing whatever clothes on that my hands touched and running a hand through my hair to fix it slightly. I figured it didn’t really matter.   
Mikey arrived a few minutes later, and I leapt downstairs and out the door, almost forgetting to lock the door behind me. I slid into the car and he put a hand on my shoulder.  
“Calm down, Frank. He’s okay.” He said. I chewed my lip and nodded slowly.   
“S-sorry. I’m just-“  
“I know. Seriously, he’s fine. He woke up as I was leaving, and he seemed fine. He was tired and kind of sad, but fine. He’s happy you’re coming over.”  
“So he doesn’t hate me?”  
“Definitely not. He was upset that you were so dismissive of him, but he understands why you did it. He just wants to see you.”   
“Okay.” I breathed. Mikey smiled.  
“Thank you for last night. You saved his life.”   
“It was nothing.”   
“He’s going to ask you to marry him.” He said. I widened my eyes.  
“Now?” I asked. He laughed.  
“No, but soon. He’s just waiting. I thought you’d wanna know that he’s gonna ask, though. It’s all he can talk about.”  
“Oh. I mean, we talked about it, but I didn’t realize-“  
“Oh yeah. Dude can’t wait to marry you.”   
“I can’t wait either. I love him so much.” I smiled. Mikey rolled his eyes.  
“Gross.” He mumbled, sliding into the driveway. I giggled and followed Mikey into the house, which was eerily silent.   
“Gerard?” Mikey called. A small, hoarse reply came from upstairs, and Mikey smiled in relief.   
“He’s upstairs.” He said. I nodded and made my way up, not knowing what I’d see.  
As I opened the door, I felt a wave of emotion and love catch in my throat. He was bundled up in bed, wearing his skeleton onesie, the hood of which was up over his matted, greasy hair. He smiled weakly when I opened the door and made grabby hands at me. I giggled and kicked off my shoes as I walked over to him, leaning down and kissing his forehead.  
“Hey, angel.” I whispered. He didn’t reply, just kept making grabby hands at me until I laughed and slid into bed with him. He rested his head lightly on my chest and sighed, his arms winding around my waist. I held him tightly, kissing his head again.  
“I was so worried about you, baby. Scared me so damn much.” I whispered.   
“Sorry.” He croaked. I shook my head, pressing a kiss onto his nose.  
“Don’t be, baby. I’m sorry for being so mean to you. I should have been more understanding.”   
“It’s fine.”  
“Are you okay now? I mean, the drugs, are you still-“  
“I’m still addicted, yes. But I mean, I threw up a lot last night, and the idea of taking more drugs makes me feel sort of sick, so I guess I’m fine for now, if that’s any consolation.” He said, a slight smile on his lips. I sighed and pulled him even closer, nuzzling my cheek against his head.  
“Well, it’s a small victory. How many pills do you still have?” I asked softly. He made a grunting noise.  
“A few. Not enough for another high, though.”   
“Is that good?” I asked. He laughed a little.  
“Sort of. It’s good, because it means I can get better. It’s not so good for me if I wanna get high though.” He sighed. I frowned and kissed his forehead.  
“You don’t need drugs. You have me.” I smiled weakly. He hummed and kissed my jaw.  
“I only have you for another couple of months, sweetie. After that, you’re gone.”  
“Come with me.” I breathed. He shook his head.  
“I can’t. I can’t force Mikey to leave. Besides, we talked about this. I want you to go and fuck a whole bunch of people and fall in love and get your heart broken and break a lot of hearts. And then you come back to me.”   
“I’ll be counting the days.” I said weakly.   
“Me too, sweetheart.” He sighed. We were quiet for a few moments after that, the only noises being the soft heave of our mixed breath as we held each other. His fingers danced lazily across my chest, and I pressed warm kisses to the top of his head.   
“I’m so happy I didn’t die.” He said suddenly.  
“I am too.” I smiled. He chuckled.  
“I don’t think I’d have done it, even then. I wanted to see your face too badly. You’re keeping me alive, honey.” He sighed.   
“That’s a lot of pressure.” I said weakly. He shook his head.  
“No it’s not. Even if we don’t end up together, I’ll always carry you with me, and that’ll keep me going. I’m not living because you love me, I’m living because I love you.”  
“Oh, baby.” I sighed, tilting his head up so I could kiss him softly. He tucked his legs up so he was curled around me, his eyes soft.  
“I don’t want to move ever again. I just want to lie here. With you.” He sniffed.   
“We don’t have to move until you want to. I mean, I have to be home by like, 5, but that still gives us like 8 hours or so. We’re fine.” I murmured.   
“8 hours of cuddling?” he asked brightly. I laughed, kissing the top of his ear.  
“If that’s what you want, angel. I just want you to feel better, okay?”  
“I do feel better.” He said weakly.  
“I want to make sure you don’t go back to that place again, and that means a lot of things. It means we need to get you stronger medication, and it means we need to get you more help. More than anything, Gerard, it means I can’t leave your side.” I smiled. He kissed my throat.  
“Mine.” He sighed, nuzzling his face into my neck. I hummed happily.  
“Yeah, baby. All yours. Always.”   
“Even if I die? Are you mine then?” he said hoarsely.   
“I said always.”  
“I don’t want to be here.” He said weakly, tears slipping from his lowered eyes. I hugged him tighter.  
“Don’t leave me.” I said softly.   
“I’m not going to. I don’t want to die, Frank, I just don’t want to be here.”   
“When I’m done with Uni, you’re gonna come move with me. We’ll get a cute little apartment and walk around naked all day, and you’ll drink too much coffee and I’ll eat too much pizza, and we’ll be so in love. I’m gonna marry you, and I’ll take your name, even, so everyone knows I’m yours. You gotta stay with me so we can have that.” I said, my voice small. He kissed my neck and sighed.  
“Frankie Way?” he giggled. I smiled.  
“It has a ring to it.” I murmured.   
“Was that a pun?” he laughed. I ran the sentence back through my head and groaned, burying my face in the fabric of his hood.   
I heard a soft noise, and it took me a moment to realize he was singing softly.  
“You’re singing.” I pointed out. He stopped and blushed.  
“Sorry, I-“  
“No. It was nice. Do it more?” I murmured. He laughed and started singing again, a song I knew. His voice was, despite his speaking voice, slightly rough, but it was still somehow smooth and gentle.   
“You’re really, really good.” I beamed.   
“I’m…fine. I guess. I don’t sing much.”  
“You should. Such a beautiful voice.” I murmured. He blushed and looked down, his cheek pressing against my chest.  
“Take your shirt off.” He mumbled. I barked a laugh.   
“That’s one way to do it…” I giggled.   
“No, oh my- no. Just, I wanna feel your skin.” He whispered. I nodded and pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor next to me.  
“This good?”  
“Yeah. I like this.” He said, resting his sweaty head against my cool skin. He hummed happily and pressed warm kisses on my chest, his hands sliding across my skin.  
“So perfect.” He breathed.   
“You’re perfect.”  
“I’m far from perfect, darling.” He sighed sadly. I shook my head, hugging him.”  
“Nope. Perfect.” I said, kissing him before he could argue. He hadn’t brushed his teeth, clearly, because his mouth tasted like coffee, cigarettes and something else I couldn’t quite place, but I didn’t care as I slid my tongue between his lips.  
“Mmm. Still wrong.” He giggled. I sighed in frustration and sat up, holding his shoulders as I looked into his eyes.  
“I love you. I love every damn thing about you, darling, and even before I loved you, I thought you were amazing and kind and funny. You’re everything I could ever want, and to me, you will always be perfect. I don’t care if I end up marrying Johnny Depp, you will always be perfect to me.” I said, smiling.  
“Even better than Johnny Depp?” he asked.  
“Well. Like, equal to.” I said, chuckling. He laughed and slid back into my arms.  
“I can deal with that. He has a nicer ass than me.” He sighed. I shook my head.  
“No way.”  
“You’re so dumb, I love you.” He beamed. I leaned forward and kissed him.  
“Stay with me forever, okay? Just…don’t try and leave me again. This is, what, the third time? I can’t handle it, Gee. I can’t handle you leaving.” I whimpered. He chewed his lip.  
“I’m not goin’ anywhere without you.” He said, holding my hand to his lips and kissing it.   
“I never got romance before you. Like, shit couples say to each other? It just sounded cheesy and stupid to me. But now I get it. You really do have my whole heart, and I’d follow you to the ends of the universe, and if anything ever happened to you, it’d destroy me. If I had to walk this earth without looking in your eyes, I’d die. I’d honestly…I’d die.” I said weakly, tears pushing at my eyes.  
“No, don’t cry. Never cry over me.”  
“I’m going to marry you, Gerard Way.”  
“That’s a bit presumptuous.” He teased. I laughed.  
“I am, though. Whether it’s in a year or in three or in fifty. I’m going to marry you.”  
“I’ll probably be dead in fifty years.” He pointed out.  
“No. Please, don’t.” I whispered. He sighed and kissed across my bare chest, his hands lying lightly on my hips.   
“I’m sorry. I won’t leave you.” He vowed. I kissed his head and lay back on the pillows, sighing contentedly as I pushed back his hood and let my hands run through his unwashed hair.   
He began to sing again softly, swirling patterns into my skin. I smiled and bit my lip as his smooth voice washed over me, his breath warm against my chest.   
“So, that painting of you got an offer, by the way.” He said casually.   
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. Guess.”  
“Like, okay, so it’s your drawing, so it’s gonna be a high number because you’re amazing, but then it’s my face, so it’ll be less. Um. $100?” I guessed. He giggled.  
“Times that by ten.”  
“$1000?!”  
“And add 500.”  
“Jesus. Really?”  
“Yeah. The guy messaged me and told me it was amazing, and that the boy in the picture was beautiful, and I said I knew.”  
“Oh my god.”  
“Yeah. And then he wanted to know who you were, and I said that the boy in that picture was the love of my life, and he raised the price to $1500 instead of the $1000 he was gonna give me.”  
“Wow, baby. That’s amazing.” I breathed. He kissed me.  
“You’re amazing.” He smiled, then chewed his lip.  
“What is it?” I asked gently. He looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes.  
“You saved my life.”  
“I did, and I’ll do it again if I have to.”  
“I’d be dead without you. If I hadn’t called you, or if you hadn’t picked up-“  
“But I did. I always will.” I said, kissing his temple. He looked like he was going to keep talking, but my phone buzzed and ruined the mood. I sighed and answered it.  
“Hello?”  
“Frank? Where are you, man?” Chris asked.   
“I’m a bit busy.”  
“Are you with Mr. Way?”  
“Maybe? Yes?”  
“You both skipped school to be together? That’s…cute. But it’s kind of reckless, dude.”  
“No, it’s not like that. There was an incident. I can’t talk about it.” I sighed.   
“Is everything okay?”  
“Yeah, it’s fine. We just need each other right now.”  
“It’s fine, I get it. I hope everything works out.” He said. I smiled.  
“Yeah, thanks, man.” I said. He hung up and I wrapped my arms back around Gerard, snuggling into him.  
“I think we should take a nap.” I murmured softly. He smiled and pecked me on the lips.  
“I agree, angel.”   
“You’re my favourite person in the whole world.” I sighed sleepily. He just laughed, and my heart gave a squeeze.

 

In sleep, he looked peaceful. His mouth was slack, his eyes fluttering lightly. Every muscle in his face was smooth, making him look somewhat younger than he did already. His chest moved slowly but steadily underneath me, pushing my hand up with each breath. All things considered, I felt especially lucky to have him safe and happy and alive in my arms.   
“My own little miracle.” I breathed, brushing my lips against his cheek, and he smiled a little in his sleep.


	51. The past ain't through with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape/Non-Con trigger warning.

My Mom didn’t want me to go into school the next day, and if I was honest, I was tempted to take her up on her offer. Gerard told me he probably wouldn’t be in for the rest of this week and next week, just so he could have some recovery time (which wasn’t completely ridiculous when you consider that he’d tried to kill himself), and I wasn’t sure if I cared about school if he wasn’t there.   
I realized, though, that that was a very unhealthy mentality to have, so I told her I was fine, and that I’d come home early if I started feeling sick again. My main reason for going to school that day, though, was that if I said I was sick, Mom wouldn’t let me stay at Gerard’s that night, and I was feeling a desperate need to be with him.   
When I’d left him the night before, he’d been mostly okay. He was clearly sad to see me go, and was evidently still shaken from the events of the night before, but after a kiss and a promise that I’d be back with him before he knew it, he let me go.   
I wasn’t looking forward to the day without him, but I felt better knowing that he was at home, safe, rather than possibly crumbling his mental health even more at work. Besides, I could (and, of course, would) message him throughout the day to check up on him, and that made me feel a hell of a lot better.   
Chris was on me as soon as I walked in.   
“What happened? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?” he said urgently. Joe just sighed, laughing. I shrugged.  
“I’m fine. It wasn’t me, anyway.”  
“Mr. Way? Is he okay?” Chris said, widening his eyes. I chewed my lip thoughtfully.  
“He’s…getting better, thanks. He had a bit of an episode, and it was pretty messy.” I said weakly. Chris pursed his lips, putting a hand on my shoulder.  
“You can talk to us, you know. That’s the beauty of us knowing, right? You can tell us, and you don’t need to have it hanging over your shoulders constantly.”  
“Y-you can’t tell anyone.” I said, shifting closer. Both boys nodded, their faces solemn.  
“And you can’t freak.”  
“We won’t.” Joe said firmly. I took a deep breath.  
“So, I was at Gee’s place Thursday night, and he was stoned. Like, high as a fucking kite.”  
“Oh, shit.” Chris murmured. I nodded.  
“Dude’s got a drug addiction, and he’s doing that sort of shit? I was pissed. More than pissed, I was livid. I walked out on him and I said a bunch of stuff I didn’t mean.” I sighed regretfully.  
“Like what?” Joe asked, always keen for details. I sighed.  
“I acted like we weren’t dating. Y’know, I called him Mr. Way and stuff, and ignored him…it was weird, but it got to him, and I think that’s what I wanted, you know? Well, anyway, his brother got home not long after, and he was already passed out, so I thought that was the end of it. But then I get him calling me in tears at 3am, and he-he cut himself, and he was stoned again, and he was worried that he was going to kill himself.” I said weakly. Chris and Joe stared at me, mouths open.  
“What? No way.” Joe stammered. I nodded slowly.  
“Yeah. He was terrified that he was going to kill himself. So, anyway, we managed to sort that out, his brother took care of him and stuff, but I didn’t want to leave him alone, you know? Like, I had to see him, and be with him…” I said, breaking off. Chris patted my arm.  
“Hey, no judgement here. You’re a good boyfriend, Frankie.” He smiled. I laughed.  
“I just wish my relationship wasn’t so hard.” I groaned, smacking my head on the table.   
“Yeah, but then you wouldn’t get any of that sweet ass.” Joe pointed out. I rolled my eyes, even though he was right.   
“Thanks, Joe.” I chuckled, rising to my feet and walking to English with Chris.   
As expected, the class was boring. We had some elderly man for a teacher, and he barely knew what he was doing, so the class mostly just messed around. I figured Gerard would find this amusing.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(9:24am)**

I thought you’d want an update. Class is a zoo. Not learning anything. All good here.  
Are you feeling better? I love you! <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(9:33am)**

Not my problem, kiddo ;)   
Yeah, I’m good. Can’t wait to have you in my arms tonight. I love you too. <3

 

Before I could reply, almost on cue, actually, Cameron plopped down into the free seat next to me, smiling softly.   
“Hey, Cam.” I smiled.   
“Hey. I was wondering if you’re free tonight for that coffee date?” he chuckled. I blushed, ignoring his use of the word ‘date’.  
“Um, I mean, I’m seeing Ge-you know who today, so I don’t know if I’ll have much time, but it should be fine.” I smiled. He smiled softly back.  
“Good. I’ve missed you.” He sighed.   
“It’s been a long time” I said, hoping I sounded like I was agreeing, without actually having to agree. He smirked.   
“Don’t you need to ask teacher’s permission?” he said. I sighed.

“I really hope it wasn’t me that made you such an asshole.” I mumbled. He smiled, looking for a moment like the boy I’d met at the beginning of the year, and my heart skipped a little in my chest. After all, he was very cute.   
“N’aw, you didn’t. I’m just bitter, that’s all. I’ll meet you after school, then?” he said, rising to his feet. I smiled and nodded.  
“Yeah, cool.” I said softly as he walked back to his seat. Chris gave me a look of warning and I laughed lightly.  
“What?” I chuckled. He sighed.  
“Frank, don’t be stupid.”  
“I’m not. It’s just coffee, Chris.”  
“Well, be careful. You know Gerard’s not gonna like it.” He said, and I smiled at his use of his first name. I shrugged.  
“I just won’t tell him.”  
“Frank, that’s stupid and you know it. You’ve gotta tell him.”  
“I…I might. I’ll see how he’s feeling. He almost died, you know.” I snapped. I thought that maybe I knew my boyfriend a little bit better than Chris did.   
“Which is why you should tell him. If he finds out later, he’s just gonna feel worse.” He advised softly. I groaned and turned away from him, knowing he was right. It wasn’t fair for me to do this. After all, how would I feel if he saw Bert again behind my back? I chewed my lip and pulled my phone out, sighing at the delighted and triumphant look on Chris’ face.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(10:01am)**

I need to run something past you. I’ll call you in like, an hour. <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(10:04am)**

Alright, baby. <3

 

I chewed my lip, looking back at Cameron. He wasn’t looking at me, and I took the minute to survey his face. He was still cute, as I’d noticed earlier, but had a certain roughness about him now. I felt bad about that, of course, because even if he said it wasn’t my fault, it almost definitely was. Hell, I’d taken his virginity on a whim to help me forget Gerard, and it hadn’t even worked. What’s worse, is that I didn’t even talk to him afterwards to make sure he was okay.   
I sighed softly. I was definitely a very bad person.

 

I spent the next hour of my life trying to make the words form in my head, but they refused to come together. Joe kept sneaking glances at me, but I ignored him, pretending to be extremely interested in fractions, or whatever the fuck we were doing.   
The easiest thing, of course, would be to just not go. I could always tell Cam that I couldn’t make it today, and rearrange another time. The truth, though, was that I wanted to go. Not because I still liked him, of course, but because I wanted to see how he’d changed. I wanted to see if his eyes still shone when he laughed, or if he still tapped his fingertips on the table when he was thinking, or if he’d tuck my hair behind my ear if it fell into my face.  
Not that I’d let him get that close, of course. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I was going out of curiosity, rather than interest. Gerard was too important for me to even consider anyone else anymore. I’d made that mistake once, and I trusted myself to never do it again.   
I sighed and put my head in my hands, earning another concerned look from Joe, but thankfully, he didn’t speak to me about it, which I was eternally grateful for. Gerard and I, I realized, suffered from the same affliction; we made things much, much too difficult for ourselves. He could just not take too many Xanax and not chase them down with whiskey, and he could simply stop trying to die and accept that I loved him unconditionally, but instead, he refused to believe that I loved him, and he tortured himself. I was much the same: I could always not go see my ex boyfriend and, in the process, hurt the love of my life, but I was going to anyway. We were both, undeniably, very, very bad people. We were toxic to ourselves, to everyone else and, most of all, to each other. We’d end up killing each other in every way possible, filling ourselves up with the poison that coated our lips until we choked, but we still reached for each other. I hummed softly as I doodled in the corner of my page.   
Yes, I think we’d kill each other, and for that, we needed each other. How could we ever be with anyone else? Imperfectly perfect, we needed to stay together.   
Suddenly, I knew what I was going to say to him.

 

“Hello, sunshine.” He said brightly when I called. I smiled a little bit, angling slightly away from Joe and Chris, where they sat talking about superheroes (a conversation I’d usually be enthralled with).   
“Can I say something real quick?”  
“Of course.”  
“You and I are really stupid, you know? You with the self-destruction, and me with constantly dancing with fire. We’re gonna break each other’s hearts and destroy each other a thousand times, and it’s gonna be like that forever and ever and I cannot wait for our toxic future together.” I said in a rush. Joe and Chris stopped and stared at me. Gerard was silent for a while.  
“O-oh. That’s the weirdest way you’ve ever told me that you love me.” He said, a smile in his voice. I couldn’t help but smile back.  
“I’m seeing Cameron tonight for a bit. Just for coffee.”  
“Oh.”  
“No, babe, really. Just coffee.”  
“Why?”  
“He wanted to talk to me.”  
“You know he still looks at you, right? In class and stuff. He still stares at you.” He said desperately. I sighed.  
“I don’t want him. I want you. Only you.”  
“Frank, please. I need you here with me.” He whimpered.   
“I don’t have to go. I said I’m running it by you, and I am. If you really don’t want me to go, I won’t. I just think it’s important to clear the air, you know? We ended things fast and it was messy, and I want to make sure I didn’t hurt him too badly.”  
“I wanna see you.” He said weakly.  
“I’ll come over straight after, I promise. You get me for your whole life, he gets me for like, an hour. And even then, I’m still yours. Gee, is this okay? I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.”  
“Oh, Frankie, you’re always hurting me.”  
“Don’t say that.” I said softly.  
“You are. And I’m hurting you. Toxic, remember?” he said, his voice light again.   
“Absolutely. A couple of immoral, toxic, destructive fuckers.” I grinned. He laughed.  
“I’m so infatuated with you. Let me know when you’re coming over, then.”  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re mine.” He whispered. I smiled.  
“Yours.” I breathed. He chuckled softly and hung up, and I slid my phone back in my pocket, turning to my friends, who were looking at me like I was insane.   
“That was intense, brother.” Joe laughed. Chris nodded in agreement, and I blushed.  
“We’re a little bit intense. You know, as a unit.” I smiled softly.   
“What’s that about him getting you for the rest of his life?” Chris asked, quirking an eyebrow up. I shrugged.  
“He is, isn’t he? I mean, I’m not leaving him, and-“  
“Are you marrying him?” Chris asked bluntly. I stared in shock at his bluntness.  
“Ah. Um. He hasn’t asked yet.”  
“That’s not what I asked.”  
“He…if he asks.”  
“And will he?”  
“He…um. Yes?”  
“Do you know for certain?”  
“Yes. His brother told me. He’s gonna ask me to marry him.” I said, defeated, but feeling a sense of elation as the words slipped out of my lips. Both boys looked shocked.  
“Shit, that’s…Frank, you can’t say yes.”  
“What? Why wouldn’t I?” I snapped. Chris took a deep breath.   
“Because you’re too young.”  
“I know what I want, and I want him. Always.”   
“Dude, you haven’t even been together for a year yet. I mean, I know you love him, I do, but you can’t know you always will.” Joe said softly. I shook my head.  
“You guys are wrong.”  
“We want to be wrong, Frank. I mean, sure, Joe still has his reservations –“  
“I’m getting there, though” Joe cut in.  
“Right, but I care about you, and I actually really care about him, too. I think you two just need time, to see how far your relationship can go.”  
“What about University? I won’t see him for three years, then.” I said quietly.  
“Yeah, marry him after Uni. That’s a good idea.” Chris said, smiling in a way that was almost relieved. I looked away then, letting them know that the conversation was, as far as I was concerned, over.   
Thankfully, they respected my wishes.

 

Cameron was already there when I arrived at the coffee shop a few hours later. From the way he shrugged his jacket off, he’d only arrived a few moments earlier himself. He spotted me almost straight away and smiled. I swallowed hard and made my way over to him.  
“Hey Cam.” I smiled softly. He smiled back.  
“Hey, Frank. Thanks for meeting me.” He said, pushing a cup of coffee towards me. I took a sip and chewed my lip – he’d remembered the way I took my coffee. He sipped his own drink with a knowing smile, and I laughed a little bit.  
“So, what did you wanna talk about?” I asked, shrugging out of my hoodie. He took a breath.   
“About things. We never got the chance to discuss what happened.”  
“I know. I’m sorry.”  
“No, I understand. He always comes first, right?” he said bitterly. I sighed.  
“Yeah, he does.” I said firmly. Cameron nodded slowly.   
“I just…never pictured my first time having sex like that, you know? I mean, you used me, Frank. The whole time, you used me, but especially then. He told you he didn’t want you, so you came to me for a quick fuck because you knew I’d give it to you. I really wanted you, Frank, and you just used me.” He said weakly. I sighed.  
“Yeah. I did. I hated myself for it, but I did. I think I needed you, but not in the way you wanted me to.”  
“You needed me to distract you from him.” He said bluntly.  
“Yeah.” I admitted. He nodded.  
“At least you’re honest.” He sighed. I chewed my lip.  
“I meant what I said. If I’d met you first, things would have been so different.”  
“I know. Even now, we’re such a good match. We like the same things, and we just work. You and him don’t work, and I don’t know why you keep choosing dysfunction and pain over something that could make you happy.”   
“Because I’m in love with him, and because I couldn’t imagine a world without him. I know you’d be better for me, Cam. I fucking know that. I just can’t do it, though. I can’t be without him.”   
“That’s unhealthy.”  
“I know.” I murmured.   
“Couldn’t you try?”  
“I didn’t come to talk about this, Cam. I came to see if we could try being friends, and the way you’re acting, it doesn’t look likely.” I snapped. He blanched.  
“Right, sorry Frank.” He sighed.  
“I’m sorry about what happened, okay? It was wrong of me on so many levels to do what I did. I confused you, and him, and myself, and I’m sorry. But you have to accept that I chose him, and that’s it. He’s it for me.” I explained. Cameron nodded.  
“Yeah, I know. Look, okay, let’s be friendly.” He laughed softly. I smiled and nodded.  
“Okay, sure. How was your day?” I asked. He laughed.  
“It was fine, thanks. How’s yours been?”  
“Fine, I suppose.” I smiled. He smiled back, but it faded, his eyes rising to something behind me. I turned around and gasped.  
“O-oh. Hi.” I stammered. Bert’s lips quirked up.  
“Hello, Frankie. Is this Cameron?” he purred.   
“Yeah. What are you doing down here?”  
“I’m actually on my way to see Gerard.” He beamed. My stomach tightened.  
“You are?” I said weakly. He nodded.   
“Yeah.”  
“Oh. Um, okay.” I said. I could feel myself shaking, and struggled to keep his gaze.  
“What’s the matter, Frank? Scared I’ll fuck your boyfriend?” he teased. Cameron sucked in a breath.  
“No.” I said firmly.   
“You should be. I hear he’s not doing so good recently.”  
“He’s fine.”  
“Nope. Heard he’s been taking xanax again. You know he gets when he’s high, Frank? Horny. Real fucking horny.”  
“Yeah. I know.”  
“See you later, Frank.” He chuckled, and then turned to Cam “you know, Gerard really fucking hates you, kid.” He said, before turning on his heel and walking away. We were silent for a moment as I tried to fight tears.   
“Are you alright?” Cameron said softly. I shook my head.  
“No.” I breathed, letting the tears flow down my cheeks.   
“Who was that?”  
“Gerard’s ex. He hates me.” I groaned. Cameron laughed sadly.  
“I can see that.”  
“God…oh god.” I whimpered, putting my head in my hands.  
“He’s not gonna fuck him.” Cameron said firmly. I looked up.  
“How do you know?”  
“Because…fuck, okay, I really don’t wanna say this, but Mr. Way really, really loves you. He told me so.”  
“What?”  
“He told me that he loves you.”  
“When was this?”  
“Like, I don’t know. A month ago? I stayed behind after class for help with work, and he just…he started crying and saying that he loved you. It was really weird.” He mumbled.  
“Why did he do that?”  
“He said that whenever he sees me, he just gets this pain in his chest because…um, because he knows you’re better off with me. His words, not mine.” He mumbled.   
“Do you think that’s why he invited Bert over? Because I’m seeing you?”  
“I…don’t know, Frank. I’m sorry.” He mumbled. I just nodded and sipped my coffee, staring at the wall.   
“You should go to him.” He said softly. I looked up, eyes wide.  
“No, I said I’d see you and –“  
“And you did. We’ll hang out again, right?” he said with a small smile. I nodded, and I meant it. When he wasn’t being a possessive dick, Cameron was really sweet.  
“Thank you.” I breathed, leaning forward to kiss his cheek, and ignoring the way he blushed. I grabbed my hoodie and jogged out of the shop, heading in the way of Gerard’s house.   
It was while I was on the way that I got the text from Gerard.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(4:56pm)**

Bert’s an asshole. Don’t believe a word he said. I’m waiting for you to come back to me. <3  
  
**TO: Gee.**

**(4:58pm)**

Is he really there?

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(5:01pm)**

Yes. He’s doing an environment check for Mikey, to make sure I’m taking care of him properly. Normally someone else does it, but I guess he was the only one available. We’re not fucking. I’m sorry if he scared you. I love you. <3

 

I breathed a sigh of relief, my eyes flooding with tears as I stopped, covering my mouth with my hand. He wasn’t cheating on me. Bert was lying. Gerard loved me. I crouched down, wrapping my arms around my knees to calm myself down, taking deep breaths as I replied.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(5:10pm)**

I’m on my way, baby. Can’t wait to hold you. I need to feel you in my arms. That asshole scared me so bad.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(5:12pm)**

I’m so sorry, sweetheart. So sorry. I’ll make it up to you.   
He’s just left, anyway, so you don’t have to deal with his shit. I’m sorry he frightened you. My poor little baby. <3

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(5:14pm)**

You’re too cute. Get yourself snuggled up and ready for me. <3

 

He didn’t reply after that, but that was okay. I felt so much better now that he’d reassured me, and actually even felt a little bit guilty for doubting him, and for leaving Cameron like that. I considered going back and apologizing, but I was getting pretty close to Gee’s place, and I guessed he’d probably already left.  
Whatever. I guess I’d just have to apologise on Monday.   
My thoughts were stopped by a rough hand on my shoulder.  
“What do you want?” I snapped at him. Bert glowered at me.  
“I wanna talk to you, kid.” He said gruffly, pulling me by my hoodie down the gap between two houses. He let go and threw me back, making me reel slightly.  
“What?” I snapped. He groaned in frustration.  
“I don’t get it, Frank. I really don’t. You’re so bad for him, and you’re immature and selfish, and fuck, you’re a child. How could he want you?”  
“I don’t know. But he does.” I said weakly. Bert shook his head.  
“I just don’t understand. I gave him everything, and he left me for some prepubescent brat.” He spat.  
“I’m sorry. I really am. I can’t imagine how that felt, but it’s not my fault.”  
“Bullshit.”  
“It’s _not_.” I insisted. He pushed me against the wall.  
“I bet it’s the sex, isn’t it? I bet he just wants you for your ass.”  
“No. He loves me.”  
“Yeah?” he said, sounding amused.   
“Yes. He loves me.”  
“Bull. Shit.” He said, bringing a hand down to my jeans and palming me. I tried to kick out at him, but he pushed me against the wall.  
“Shit, just stay still. I just want to see something.” He snapped.  
“No. Let me go.” I said, wiggling. He gripped my shoulder hard and I whined.   
“Just stay still. Jesus.” He almost yelled.   
“Please let me go.” I said, trying to move some part of my body away from him.  
“God, just stay fucking still. I just want to see something.”  
“What?”  
“Just let me do this.” He said, rubbing me roughly. A soft moan escaped from my lips involuntarily, and he smirked.  
“So, he wants you because you’re a slut.” He laughed. I shook my head, pressing my eyes shut.   
“Just let me go. I won’t tell Gerard anything. Just let me go to him.”  
“He won’t want you once he hears how much of a slut you are.”   
“I’m not a slut.”   
“Yeah? Why were you with your ex, then? Why are you getting hard?”  
“Stop touching me. I want to leave.” I said, my head getting dizzy as anxiety crashed over me in waves.   
“No you don’t. You’re hard.”  
“I don’t…want to…” I sobbed, feeling desperate. I didn’t even bother moving now, it just made him angrier.   
“I need to understand this. I need to know why he wants you so badly.”  
“B-because he loves me.” I sobbed.   
“He won’t after this. Once I tell him how much you wanted me to touch you.”  
“I don’t want you to. Stop.”  
“You act all tough, Frank, but you’re a little bitch. Just look at you, you can’t even fight me off.”  
“P-please. Let me leave.” I whispered. I was reminded of before, in Reggie’s shop when this had happened. Except this time, there was no Reggie to save me.   
“Slut.” He hissed, rubbing me harder. My legs felt weak as my cock throbbed, each pump making me feel sick. I was going to vomit.  
“Please, I’m gonna be sick.” I whispered.  
“Not until you cum.”  
“N-no. Don’t make me. Please. I want to go.” I rasped, feeling my stomach tighten. I was going to either cum or vomit, and I sincerely hoped it was the second one.   
My phone vibrated in my pocket, but my hands were pinned too far away, so I just let it ring helplessly as I struggled against his solid body pressed against me.   
“I don’t w-want-“ I breathed as my cock throbbed and I came. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling sickness rise in my throat, but all that came out was a whimper. Bert stepped away from me, and I fell to the floor.  
“You’re not even that good a fuck. It’s not that. What is it he wants with you?” he cried, more to himself than to me.  
“You’re crazy.” I whispered.   
“It doesn’t matter. He won’t want you now. Look at you, you cum-covered mess. Filthy slut.”  
“Just go.” I breathed. He didn’t spare me a second glance as he did just that. I curled up, my breathing deep and jagged. I could smell cum on myself and winced. I was so bad. So fucking bad.   
With shaking hands, I pulled my still-ringing phone out of my pocket and brought it to my ear.  
“Yeah?” I said shakily.  
“Baby, where are you?” Gerard asked, his voice soft and warm. I choked back tears as I replied.  
“I-I’m almost there.” I said, staggering to my feet.  
“Baby? Are you okay?” he asked softly.   
“Yeah.”  
“No. What’s wrong?” he asked.  
“Please, I’m fine.” I said as my legs steadied.   
“No you’re not. Was it Cameron?” he asked darkly.  
“N-no. He didn’t do anything. He was nice.”  
“What is it, then? Baby, you’re scaring me.” He said weakly. I saw his road approaching and breathed a sigh of relief.  
“I’ll be there in like, five minutes, okay? Don’t be scared, I’m fine.”   
“No you’re not. What happened? Please, Frankie-“  
“Don’t. I’m fine.” I said, hanging up. Truth be told, I felt the furthest thing from fine, but I didn’t want to tell him that. I was ashamed. I felt dirty, and I knew, deep down, that Bert was right. Gerard wouldn’t want me anymore if he found out how much of a slut I was. I’d actually cum from having someone else’s hands on me, whether I’d asked for them or not. I felt more tears slip down my face, and took a moment to wipe them away before walking the rest of the distance to his house.   
I knocked weakly on the door, and I thought my heart would explode when he opened the door, his face concerned.  
“Oh, God.” He breathed, pulling me into his arms.   
“I’m fine.” I whispered.  
“What happened? Frankie, please. What happened?” he demanded, wiping the tears from my face. He slammed the door shut and dragged me over to the sofa, pulling me close to him. I felt paranoid that he’d smell the cum on me and know how much of a slut I was, but he wouldn’t let me move.   
“I…can’t. Please. Let me go.” I whispered, wincing as the words came out. He jumped away from me, looking at me in surprise.  
“What happened to you?”   
“I can’t tell you. I’m okay.”  
“Frank, please. Baby, I need to know what happened. You look like shit, and you’re acting weird and…and I need to know what happened to my baby.”   
“You wouldn’t love me anymore if I told you.” I whispered, pulling my knees up.   
“I will always love you.”  
“You won’t. You’ll leave me.”  
“That could never happen. Did something happen with Cameron?” he asked softly. I shook my head.  
“No.”  
“Then what? Frank, please. You’re really scaring me.”   
“I…can’t. Don’t make me.”  
“I won’t. I wouldn’t make you do anything.” He said, reaching for my face.  
“I need a shower.” I blurted. He nodded softly.  
“Okay. Want me to come in with you?”  
“No. Don’t.” I shuddered, running upstairs. I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me, breathing heavily.   
I was everything Bert had said and more, and Gerard deserved to know how much of a slut his boyfriend was, but I couldn’t bear to tell him. He’d hate me, and he was already bad enough as it was. I needed him to recover and be okay before putting my problems onto him.   
As I slid out of my clothes and the smell and feeling of cum on my thighs hit me, I barely had enough time to lean over the toilet before the vomit I’d been holding back made it’s way out. I coughed and spluttered, leaning against the toilet and sobbing gently, hating the way I was feeling so sorry for myself. Gerard was the real victim, here. Bert was just proving a point. I was a slut.

 

Gerard’s eyes were wide and concerned all night, but he knew better than to ask me what was wrong anymore. I’d made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it.  
“Frank?” he whispered as we were crawling into bed. He was naked, as always, but I insisted on keeping my clothes on.   
“What?” I said softly.   
“I’ll love you no matter what. There’s something up, and I don’t know what it is, but I want you to know you can come to me with anything. I don’t care what happened, alright? I don’t give a shit what it was, I just want you to be alright. I won’t be mad, or upset, I just need to know.” He said softly, his voice cracking. I hated this. I hated making him sad.   
“Goodnight Gerard.” I breathed. He sighed and slid into bed, his arms wrapping around my waist. They felt too tight and heavy against me. Instead of feeling comforted, I felt wrong. He shouldn’t have to touch me with his pure, beautiful arms. I was filthy.   
“Please don’t touch me.” I whispered. He removed his hands quietly, but I didn’t miss his silent sob.  
“You’re scaring me so badly.” He whispered, his voice cracking. I just curled into a ball, pretending to be asleep.


	52. Agony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Mentions of rape/non-con. Panic attacks. Vomit/sickness. Mentions of self harm and suicide.

I woke up at 2am with a deep, burning desire to be touched. Not sexually, of course – the thought of that made me want to throw up. I just needed Gerard’s arms around me, but he was facing away from me, his body curled up. I chewed my lip and shuffled towards him, wrapping my arms lightly around his waist.   
“Gee?” I said softly. As soon as I had, I wished I hadn’t. I didn’t deserve to touch him after what I did. I made to move away, when he turned over slowly, his eyes half-open and squinting from sleep.   
“What’s up baby?” he said, his voice groggy.  
“Hold me.” I whimpered, dangerously close to tears. He held his arms out to me and I snuggled close to him, loving the feeling of being so close to him. Despite what I’d done, I couldn’t help but feel safe in his warm, tight embrace.   
“Are you okay?” he asked. I shook my head and buried my face in his chest, letting the first of my tears fall onto his skin. He tightened his arms around me, kissing the top of my head.   
“I’m so sorry. I…I don’t deserve you.” I stammered.   
“What? Don’t be stupid, Frank.” He sighed, pressing more kisses to my temples.   
“I’m a slut.” I said bluntly.  
“No you’re not.”  
“Yes I am. You said it yourself in your classroom that one time…all I want is a fuck…”  
“Fuck, Frank, I said that like, almost 8 months ago. I didn’t even mean it. What the fuck?”   
“Please, don’t yell at me.” I whimpered, feeling weak. I hated feeling so vulnerable, but I couldn’t get the image of Bert’s hands on me out of my head. I pictured the way he trapped me, leered at me, and the way I came in my pants, just like the slut he told me I was. Gerard was sick, waiting at home for me to make him feel better, and I was out getting a handjob from his ex. I was truly despicable. I snuggled deeper into his arms, hoping he could shield me from what I’d done to him.   
“I can’t believe you. One minute you’re fine, and the next you don’t want me near you, and you’re talking all this bullshit, and then you want me to hug you, but you’re still putting yourself down…I don’t understand. Just explain to me what’s going on.”  
“I can’t.”  
“I thought we told each other everything. No lies, remember?”  
“Not this. Not yet.”  
“God, you’re killing me, Frank. Honestly, you’re going to drive me into a damn early grave.” He said, but he still held me close to him. I sobbed softly, but didn’t reply.  
“I…I just wanted to see you, Frank. I’m feeling really bad right now, you know, with the drugs and shit, and I just wanted to see my boyfriend and maybe watch a movie or something, and then you come in being all cryptic and distant and I just don’t understand what I did wrong.”   
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything.”  
“Oh, bullshit. You can’t honestly say that to me. You can’t even bear to have me touching you.” He said, pulling his arms away and shifting back, as if to prove the point. I groaned.

“No, it’s not you. I don’t want you touching me because you’re so pure. I’m disgusting, Gerard.”  
“How? What have you ever done?”  
“I can’t-“  
“Right. You can’t tell me. Okay. You know, for someone who’s not lying to me, it sure sounds like you’re fucking lying to me.” He said, turning so he was on his back, looking at the ceiling.   
_Bert’s hands. The tightening in my stomach. I came. I liked it._  
“Gerard, I love you.” I blurted out, trying to scare the memories away. He sighed.  
“Y’know what, Frank? I actually don’t need to hear that right now.”  
“Please. Tell me you love me too.” I whispered.  
“I’ve been telling you that all night, and you dismissed it. So no, I won’t tell you again. You know how I feel about you.”   
Guilt charged through my veins, making me shake. He had no idea what I’d done, who’s hands I’d had on me only hours before. He didn’t know how I’d moaned and whimpered under his rough hands. How pathetic I must have looked. I felt like I was covered in dirt, and I was smearing it all over his sheets. He was angry, and he didn’t even know how right he was to be mad.   
“I…I think I should sleep downstairs.” I whispered softly. He didn’t look at me.  
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Get the fuck out of my bed.” He snapped, rolling over. I nodded slowly, staring at his pale body, only just visible in the darkness. I hovered over the bed, reaching for the pillow, then changed my mind.   
“Can you just go?” he whispered. I pressed my lips together as I trudged out of the room. I looked at Mikey’s room as I passed and wondered vaguely if he’d heard us. It was unlikely: we’d been pretty quiet. Then again, Mikey Way had a habit of eavesdropping. I chewed my lip and walked quietly downstairs, my whole body tense and shaking.   
This proved to me, even more, that Gerard couldn’t find out what I’d done. He was angry at me now, and I could barely imagine how he’d be when he found out that I’d practically fucked his ex who he still harboured feelings for. I wished more than anything that Bert had just fucking let me go, because then I wouldn’t have cum, and I could have told Gerard that I’d been harassed or something. But I’d orgasmed so hard I could barely stand, and that meant I’d liked it. That meant I was a filthy slut. Just like he said.   
I curled up on the sofa, thankful for the thin blanket that rested over the back. I was so disgusted with myself, I could barely think. My love was in bed, alone, because of me. Not even two days ago he’d been trying to kill himself, and I responded by fucking someone he used to love. He was scared and empty and his mental health was crumbling. He needed me, and I betrayed him.

 

“…don’t know! I have no idea!” Gerard cried distantly. I opened my eyes slightly, the bright light shining through the window into my face.   
“Did you ask?” Mikey replied.  
“Of course I did. He refused to tell me.”  
“Maybe it’s private.”  
“Private? Really?”  
“He’s allowed to have his own stuff, Gee. He’s only a kid. No matter how much he loves you, he can’t tell you everything.”  
“I think it’s because of the other night.” Gerard said softly. I couldn’t hear what Mikey said, but it made Gerard raise his voice.   
“What else? He was fine, and then, just before he had to see me, he turned all weird and didn’t want me touching him. Doesn’t want some suicidal druggie for his boyfriend. Doesn’t think me cutting myself is so romantic now that he actually has to deal with it. Fuck, I’m so stupid. I should’ve seen this coming.” He cried out. I bit my lip and tried to cover my head with the blanket. I wanted to run upstairs and tell him he was wrong, that it was me that was broken, not him.   
“That’s not true, Gee.” Mikey said, but he sounded doubtful.  
“He wouldn’t even let me near him, Mikes. I mean, I hugged him last night, but then he wanted to sleep downstairs. He’s never done that.”   
“I…I don’t know what to say, Gerard. It doesn’t sound like him.”  
“Can you wake him up and tell him to go home? I don’t want him here.” Gerard hissed. I felt his words like a fucking knife in my chest.   
“No. Don’t do that. Talk to him, at least.” Mikey pleaded.  
“He doesn’t want me, he doesn’t have to have me. I’d rather never see him again than have him flinching from me.”  
_Fuck, no. It’s not you! You’re beautiful!  
_ “What about school?”  
“School’s different. I’m his teacher. It was stupid for me to do this in the first place. The last few months were me living in some fantasy that he could actually want me, and he can’t. He’s too young and inexperienced.”   
I slid off of the sofa, my legs shaking in Gerard’s old sweatpants. I put a hand to my mouth and bit my nails and breathed deeply as I tried to gain the courage to do what I needed to.   
“So that’s it?”  
“That’s it. I’m fucking done.”   
“You’re not, are you?”  
“Mikey, I’m sick. My head’s so messy and I’m trying to stop using drugs and alcohol to clean it up. Maybe it’s time to take away some of the things that make it so chaotic.”  
“And that means Frank?”  
“Primarily? Yes. Nothing stresses me out as much as Frank Iero.”   
I walked towards the stairs, my feet feeling like they were filled with lead. My heart pounded in my head. This wasn’t supposed to happen – he wasn’t meant to hate me yet. I put my foot on the first stair and froze, willing myself to go on.  
“I like Frank.” Mikey said.   
“Why don’t you date him then? You’ll change your mind pretty fast.” Gerard spat. I flinched at the venom in his voice.  
“Gee, you’re just saying that. You’re feeling all weird because of the drugs, and you’re sad and scared about the other night, and you’re confused about how Frank’s treating you, and angry, and you’re worried that he doesn’t love you.” Mikey said matter-of-factly.   
“Why would he come here if he didn’t want me anymore? Literally, only minutes before he was being fine, all romantic and shit, and then I get that?”  
“Maybe something happened.”  
“I thought that at first, but then, if he’d done something, he wouldn’t be so disgusted by me, right? So what if he was all in love with me, but then he realized how fucked up I was, like, a fuckin’ epiphany, and then he just…didn’t”   
I gripped the handrail, clenching my teeth as I walked up the steps. Mikey’s bedroom door was open, and I could see them inside. Gerard was leaning against the wall, and Mikey sat on his bed. I crept up the last few steps, and Gerard’s head turned sharply towards me.  
“Oh, great.” He sighed.   
“Gerard-“  
“How much did you hear?” Mikey whispered. I faltered.  
“Enough.” I breathed. Gerard glared at me.  
“Good. Then you know to get your shit and go.”   
“ _Gerard_ ” Mikey scolded.  
“Gee, you’re wrong. I do love you. I don’t care that you’re sad and broken, and that you want to die sometimes. I don’t care that you rely on pills and booze to make you feel okay. I’m here to help you through all of that, remember? You and me, like I said. I love you for all of that. I couldn’t not want you.”  
“Then why-“ he whispered, tears filling his eyes.  
“I really can’t tell you. I’m sorry.”  
“Yes you can! You can tell me.” He begged. I turned away and shook my head. Gerard groaned and banged his head back against the wall.  
“See, Mikes! Look what he’s doing!” he cried. Mikey squinted at me.  
“What happened, Frank? Something happened to you.”  
“No.” I whispered, shaking my head. Mikey rose to his feet and put a hand on my arm. I saw Gerard groan again and put a hand over his face.   
“Frank?” Mikey murmured, staring intensely at me. I shook him off.  
“Fuck, stop. Stop being so nice to me. Can’t you just be mad at me, like Gerard is?”  
“You haven’t done anything wrong.”  
“Yes I have! I’ve fucked up, okay? Real bad. Worse than before.”   
“What? What did you do?” Gerard pleaded. I almost screamed in frustration.   
“Fuck, I can’t, okay? I just can’t!” I cried. Gerard stopped moving and stared at me, his eyes wide.   
“Was it Bert?” he asked softly. My stomach tightened, and a wave of nausea rolled over me. Had he told him? I thought he was lying when he said that. I guess that would explain his anger.  
“W-what?” I stammered.  
“Is it because I saw Bert yesterday? Is that why you’re mad at me?”  
“No!” I cried, relieved, almost. He didn’t know.  
“Because if you are-“  
“No, Gee, I’m not. I saw Cam, remember?”  
“Yes, but Cameron didn’t threaten to fuck you, did he? What Bert said to you was out of line, Frankie. He didn’t mean it, I swear. He was just trying to rile you up – I’d never do that to you, ever. He’s not normally like that, either. I really don’t know why he’d say that. But I promise, I didn’t do anything. Is that why you wouldn’t touch me? Because you thought he had?” He said in a rush.  
_Well, he was certainly like that when he was touching me. Rubbing me. Making me cum all over myself. Moaning. Panting. Whimpering.  
_ “No. It wasn’t.” I whispered, feeling dizzy. Mikey put his hand back on my arm.  
“Frank? Are you alright?”  
“Stop touching me.” I breathed. Panic rose in my throat, and I felt my body shaking.   
“Gerard, he’s not okay. He’s freaking out.”  
“I’m-not. I’m fine.” I panted, my legs shaking so hard I was afraid they’d give way and I’d fall.  
“Jesus, Frank. Stop. I was just angry, okay? I do want you. I don’t know why I-“ Gerard stammered, but I could barely hear him.   
“Mikey, get your hand off of me, please.” I begged. His grip was too tight, too constricting.   
_Pushed against the wall. Trapped. His breath. His hand._  
“Mikes. Get off of him.” Gerard snapped, and Mikey did. I swayed a little on my feet, but I was relieved somewhat. The feeling to vomit was growing stronger, but I was frozen in the spot, sweating heavily.   
“Fuck, what happened to you?!” Gerard yelled, more out of fear than anger. I put a hand to my mouth as the panic burst in the form of me throwing up. I gagged a little in my hand and ran to the bathroom, heaving into the sink because I couldn’t make it to the toilet. My hands shook as I tried to hold myself up, and I was almost pleased when Gerard put his arm around my waist and held me up.  
“I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.” I sobbed. He reached over and turned the tap on.  
“You done?” he murmured, and I nodded. Mikey handed him a tissue, and he used it to wipe my mouth.   
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. Gerard’s voice was strained when he replied.  
“You have to tell me. This has gone too far, okay? I know you don’t want to, or you feel like you can’t, but you have to. If it’s because you don’t love me anymore, or whatever, it’s okay. I can handle it.”  
“It’s not. I promise, Gerard. I love you so much.” I whispered. He pulled me back from the sink and turned me so he was looking into my eyes, his face concerned.  
“Then tell me.”  
“Baby, I-“  
“I deserve to know. The love of my life can’t bear for me to touch him, and you’re panicking and throwing up, and I have no idea why.” He whispered.   
“Can I get some water?” I said softly. He took my hand, and I slid it out in a way that I hoped was polite, but I still saw pain flash across his face.  
“Yeah. Sure.” He mumbled. He led me, his arm still around my waist, downstairs, to the kitchen. His arm felt like dead weight on my hips, but I knew better than to ask him to move it, so I just clenched my teeth and waited for it to be over.   
I caught myself in the thought and guilt washed over me. It wasn’t his fault I was a slut, so even if his heavy weight on my hips reminded me of the too-rough, violent way I’d been touched the day before, it wasn’t for me to tell him to move. I’d brought this all on myself.

 

Gerard looked at me, his expression stony as I sipped my water, letting the cool liquid wash through me and clean some of the grime that formed inside me.   
“I’m sorry I upset you.” He said, his words sounding precise and carefully chosen.  
“No, it’s okay” (it wasn’t) “I know you’re not doing well right now, and I guess I’m not helping. I’m sorry.”  
“Please stop apologizing. I don’t even know what you’ve done yet.” He said with a weak smile. I breathed in a shaky breath and took another gulp of water.  
“I wish you’d let it go. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”  
“That’s not gonna work, Frank. You’re freaking out over whatever it is, and that’s making things bad on both you and I. I care about you, I don’t want to see you like this.” He reached out to touch my hand, and then retracted it halfway with an exhausted sigh.   
“I just…I can’t bear it if you hate me, Gerard. I really can’t.” I whispered.   
“I won’t.”  
“This is so hard. I wish I could just tell you, but I can’t. It’s like, my whole body is screaming at me to not tell you.” I sighed. He chewed his lip.  
“How about you start by telling me what’s _not_ wrong, then?” he said helpfully. I nodded.  
“Okay. I didn’t do anything with Cameron. I’m not mad because you saw B-Bert. I’m not angry or disgusted or scared of you because of what you’re going through. I’m still in love with you. Very in love with you, actually.”  
“That’s good news.” He said with a light smile. I nodded and looked away. The clock ticked on the wall, seeming too loud on my anxiety-riddled brain.   
“Nobody’s hurt; my Mom’s okay, my friends are all alright. I haven’t stolen anything or gotten into any trouble with the law. I’m not doing badly at school. I haven’t killed anybody” the last one was said with a smile that I didn’t feel. He nodded.  
“Good. This is all good. All of the things you’ve said aren’t bad enough for me to not love you, so the actual thing won’t be either.” He said, his voice shaking. There were tears in his eyes that he tried to hide. I took another breath.  
“I haven’t fallen in love with anyone else. I’m not going to kill myself. I haven’t done drugs that you don’t know about.”  
“Good, baby. Good.” He said, smiling weakly. One of those, then, was something he was worried about.   
“I…I can’t think of anything else.” I admitted softly, my lip trembling. He leaned forward to cup my cheek, and I let him, seeking the warmth of his touch. His hands were gentle and soft. They weren’t Bert’s hands.   
_Rough. Wall. Pain. Fuck, no. Fuck, yes. Stop it. Give me more._  
I jerked back slightly and he frowned. I shook my head and buried it in my hands, letting the sobs I’d been trying to fight wrack through me.   
“Shh, angel. My baby, it’s okay.”  
“You hated me this morning. You wanted me gone. You s-said…”  
“I was scared and hurt and angry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t even think you were listening. It was just me being stupid again. Please, you’re my world.”  
“And you’re not scared or hurt or angry now?” I whimpered. He shook his head.  
“No. Now I just want you to be okay, and I’m here for you. Whatever comes out of your mouth, I will love you, and we’ll be okay. I’ll still want to hold you, when you’re ready for me to do that again, and I’m still going to marry you.”  
“Don’t. You won’t want to. I’m so bad, Gerard. It’s so bad.” I said, shaking my head. He just stared at me, eyes wide and waiting. It was time to tell him, and I knew that. My heart hammered in my chest, my palms sweating. I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. I felt my earth crumbling around me, my vision becoming blurry. I had to fight it, though - I had to get the words out of my mouth. There were only four of them, but it took all of my might to utter them.   
“I-I ch-cheated on you.”


	53. I'll never let them hurt you

It was Mikey that spoke first, after a silence that seemed to stretch on forever.   
“What the fuck, Frank?” he breathed. I didn’t even look at him, my eyes were watching Gerard. His mouth was slightly open in shock, his eyes watering and leaking tears that he didn’t seem to notice.  
“Oh.” He breathed gently. That was it. No crying, other than the few tears, no screaming. There was no eruption of anger, or pain, or disbelief. There was just him, staring at me. In his eyes, though, I could see the reflection of the storm that raged in his head.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I weeped, bringing our joined hands up to my lips. His hand lay limp and unfeeling in mine, even as I kissed it. He closed his mouth slowly, but his eyes still stared at the wall, like he was trying to poke a hole in it with his mind.   
“I can’t…Frank, this can’t be true. You’re fucking with us, right?” Mikey pleaded. I shut my eyes. I thought of Bert’s hand, and the rush of pleasure I felt.   
I shook my head no, and Mikey made a defeated noise.   
“It was an accident. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to…” I pleaded. Gerard’s eyes shifted slightly up to meet Mikey’s and he gulped audibly, before dragging his eyes back down to meet mine.   
“T-tell me. Everything.” He whispered hoarsely. I wrapped my arms around myself and shook my head.  
“No. Just leave me, okay? I’m dirty and…just leave me.” I whined, tears clouding my eyes.   
“How was it an accident? How do you accidentally fuck someone?” Mikey spat, and I flinched at the venom in his voice.   
“Mikey. Stop. Frank. Tell me.” Gerard murmured, his voice almost robotic.   
“Please. I can’t. I can’t tell you, you’ll hate me.” I whispered.  
“It was Cameron.” He said. I shook my head.  
“No. No, I swear. It wasn’t him.”  
“Who then? I deserve to know, Frank. Please.” He begged, his voice edging onto desperate. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.   
“Bert. It was Bert.” I breathed.   
There was silence for a long time. I opened my eyes and saw Mikey and Gerard staring at each other. Mikey’s face was indistinguishable, but Gerard looked…confused.   
“Frank…Bert hates you.” He said simply, slowly. Like I was crazy.   
“I know he does. Fuck, trust me, I know. I hate him too.” I whispered. Flashes of his body pressed hard against mine flooded my head, and I bit down on my lip to chase them away.   
“Then how? What happened, Frank?” Gerard said, his face and voice expressing concern. I leaned back and wiped my eyes, trying to control the hiccups that burst from my chest whenever I tried to speak.  
“I can’t.” I whispered, burying my face in my hands. Gerard groaned from across the table, and I heard a faint thump. I felt Mikey’s hand on my back, and I looked up slowly. He was almost smiling gently, his hand rubbing soothing circles into my back.   
“Frank…Bert is manipulative. He’s a liar, and he’s really good at getting what he wants. If he made you do anything-“  
“Stop.” Gerard gasped, struggling to his feet. He looked unsteady, like he might throw up.   
“Just stop it. I…can’t…I’m sorry.” He breathed. He looked at me for a second, his face pale, before bolting from the room.   
I distantly heard his bedroom door slam, and I crumpled against Mikey.   
“Frank? Did he make you do something?” he persisted. I shook my head.  
“N-no. I wanted it.” I whispered. Mikey sighed.   
“Why don’t I believe you? Frank, please. Tell me what happened.”  
“He hates me.” I gasped.  
“He’s just upset and confused, that’s all. He loves you very much.” Mikey murmured.   
“I can’t talk about it. I feel…just…” I wrinkled my nose, hoping that would explain it.   
“You’re pretty certain you cheated?”  
“Yes. I did.”  
“So, what? You fucked?”  
“No. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do that.” I whispered, my stomach tight.   
“Did you suck him off? Or did he-“  
“No. It didn’t get that far. I…I thought he might ask me to, but he didn’t.” I whispered.  
“So handjobs?”  
“Kind of.”  
“Okay. Kind of?” he asked. I sighed.  
“He…touched me. He pinned me against the wall and he touched me until I came. Are you happy now?” I snapped. Mikey sighed, running a hand through his hair.  
“Of course I’m not.”  
“Right.” I sighed. He pursed his lips, regarding me for a moment, before he spoke.  
“Frankie. Did you want him to touch you?” he asked softly. I sucked in a shaky breath.  
“No.” I breathed, dropping my eyes to the table. Mikey moved to wrap an arm around me, then paused.  
“Is it okay?”  
“Yeah.” I breathed. He wrapped an arm around my waist and held me to him.   
“You know it’s not cheating then. It’s abuse. He abused you.” Mikey said softly. I widened my eyes. Oh no. That wasn’t right. That’s not what happened.  
“N-no, Mikey. I cheated. I enjoyed it. I orgasmed. It’s not abuse if you-“  
“If you say the words ‘enjoy it’, I’ll punch you in the face. Seriously. C’mon, man. Basic biology here. If someone touches you like that, whether or not you want it-“  
“I don’t want to discuss this. Stop.” I said firmly. Mikey sighed.   
“Frankie, listen to me. We have to talk about it. You need to know that what happened wasn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t be ashamed. He did it to Gerard all the time. I mean, not exactly the same, but similar. He used to make Gee feel real bad if he didn’t do things with him, and Gerard would feel so dirty because he’d cum every single time, even though he didn’t want to. You’re not alone.” Mikey said gently. I wondered vaguely how he knew.   
“I…it didn’t feel like abuse. It felt wrong but…but not that. I thought-“  
“No. If you told him no, then it’s abuse. It doesn’t matter if you enjoyed it, or if you came, or whatever. Abuse is always abuse. No always means no. You’re not dirty, or slutty, or whatever he told you. You’re amazing, Frank.” He sighed. My lip trembled. His words made sense, but my body rejected them.   
“I wanna talk to Gee.” I gasped. Mikey sighed.  
“That’s not a good idea. I’ll go tell him, okay? I’ll tell him everything.” He assured me. I nodded slowly, sipping on my water.   
“Oh, and Frank?” he said as he left.  
“Mm?”  
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I didn’t mean it. I was just worried.”  
“Yeah, it’s fine Mikey.” I smiled weakly, wrapping my arms tight around my torso.   
I felt almost panicky as Mikey left, hearing his footsteps as he walked upstairs, but I forced myself to calm down. This was good. Mikey didn’t think I’d cheated, despite what I tried to tell him, and maybe Gerard wouldn’t either.   
I felt guilty at that. I hoped Gerard didn’t try to make me a victim. After all, I had enjoyed it. Despite what Mikey told me, I still felt dirty.   
I sat, waiting with bated breath. The house seemed almost too silent, like someone had died. I bit my lip and considered that for a moment, because, in some ways, there had been a death – or rather, the potential for one. I found myself wishing despite myself that Gerard would believe Mikey’s perception of what happened – otherwise this could kill us. Cheating was one thing, but cheating with your partner’s ex (who they may or may not still harbour feelings for)? That was a different thing completely.

 

The silence was shattered after a few minutes by a loud, angry cry.   
I heard Mikey yell back, as if he was trying to calm him down, but that was only followed by a loud bang and the sound of something shattering. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was it. He hated me.   
I considered what things would be like at school now. Painful, I supposed, like it had been before when we’d argued. He’d probably try to treat me just like everybody else. He was good like that.   
I heard loud, clumping footsteps coming down the stairs, and sucked in a deep, shaky breath.   
This was it. He was going to leave me.   
“Fuck, Frank.” He breathed from behind me. I didn’t turn around.   
“I’m sorry.” I whispered. He made a strangled noise, and then his arms were wrapped firmly around me.  
“Shut up. Shut the fuck up, Frankie. Oh God, my baby. My poor baby. You must have been so scared. Honey, I’m so sorry he did that to you. I’m sorry. Fuck, it’s my fault.” He weeped, tucking his tearstained face into my neck as heavy sobs wracked his body.  
“No, Gee. Really.” I said weakly. He made a deep growling noise in his throat.  
“It wasn’t your fault, Frank. I _know him_. This was all him, not you. You were just trying to be good for me, weren’t you? Oh my God. Baby, I love you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He gasped, kissing my neck gently. I melted into his touch, my eyes fluttering shut as tears squeezed out of them.  
“I was so worried that you’d hate me. He told me you wouldn’t want me anymore after what I did.” I gasped. He shook his head.  
“I’ll always want you. Oh, fuck, Frank. He’s a fucking monster. I’m going to fucking murder him.” He snarled. It sent a chill up my spine, and I chewed my lip.  
“He wa-“  
“Don’t make excuses. I’m going to kill him. He hurt you. He touched you without your consent, and worst of all, he made you feel like you were disgusting. Baby, you’re not, okay, I promise you. You’re so fucking beautiful. My perfect boy, okay?” he whimpered. I nodded my head, letting him press kisses against whatever skin he could reach. I felt a jolt in my stomach when I realized that Gerard and Mikey really didn’t think I’d done anything wrong.   
It made me wonder if, maybe I hadn’t. Still, I felt dirty. His hands had touched me, had made me feel good, and it wasn’t right. I needed something to chase that away.  
“Gerard. Make me cum.” I blurted out. He paused, leaning back slowly.  
“What?” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. I stammered for a moment, trying to get my words straight, and absolutely regretting having said anything.  
“H-he did things to me and I c-came. So I want you to do it now, so-“  
“Oh. Oh, baby.” He sighed, brushing my hair back. I sniffed, batting at the tears that slid down my face.   
“It’s stupid, it’s not the time.” I mumbled. Gerard shook his head and pulled me close, kissing me gently. His lips were hesitant and slow against mine, and I appreciated it. His tongue slid lazily across my bottom lip and I whined, pulling him closer.   
“C’mere, baby. I’ll make it all better. I’ll take it away.” He whispered, sliding his tongue slowly past my lips, his hands resting firmly on my waist. I moaned and tangled my fingers in his hair.  
“I’m so fucking dirty.” I whispered. He shook his head, breaking off to kiss my neck.  
“No. Baby, no. I’m gonna take it away, alright? I’m your teacher, Frankie, and I’m gonna take care of you, like I’m supposed to.” he whispered gently. I giggled a little bit.  
“I doubt this is on the list of things teachers are supposed to do to their students.” I smiled. He chuckled, nipping lightly at the skin of my neck.   
“Sure it is. If you squint real hard.” He smirked, licking from the base of my throat to my jaw. I whined softly and he smiled. His hand shifted from my waist so it was sliding across my thigh. I felt his fingers slip between my thighs.   
Normally, this would have excited me, but the thought of him – or anyone – touching me was enough to make me feel sick. I bit my tongue, trying to ignore it.   
He pressed the palm of his hand softly against me, still kissing my neck, and I almost knocked over the chair as I leapt away from him.  
I shook my head.  
“I’m sorry. Sorry. I can’t.” I gasped. He bit his lip, standing up and walking slowly over to me.  
“Can I hold you?” he whispered. I bit my lip.  
“N- no. Don’t touch me.” I mumbled. It was awful. I wished he could just hold me tight, kiss me, make me feel better. But he couldn’t. Bert had seen to that. He’d fucking ruined me.   
“It’s okay. I’m not upset. It’s okay.” He murmured, but I knew he was lying.  
I knew this was fucking killing him.   
“I want you so badly, Gee. I promise, I do. It’s just-“  
“Baby, I understand. It’s okay.” He said with a gentle smile. I was reminded of what Mikey had told me about Bert’s treatment of Gerard, and I shivered with hate.  
“I have to make a phonecall, but you get comfortable, okay? Grab a movie and snuggle yourself all cozy on the sofa, and I’ll be there soon. He smiled. I nodded and meandered to the living room, feeling like I could still feel the ghosts of Gerard’s hands on my skin. It shouldn’t have been as unpleasant as it was.

 

Gerard’s voice reached me a few moments later.  
“Baby, he cheated on me. I-I can’t believe it. I’m so-“ he simpered, before breaking off into fake-sounding tears. There was silence before he replied.  
“N-no. He wouldn’t tell me who it was…” he whimpered pathetically.   
“I just want you to fuck me, babe. Come over here tonight and fuck me hard, like you did before.” He moaned, and I couldn’t help the jealousy that ran through me.  
Even though I knew what he was doing.  
He was calling Bert.  
He was going to fucking kill him.   
Gerard’s light giggle broke me out of my thoughts.  
“Yeah, babe. Eat my ass out and fuck me with your big cock. Oh, Daddy. Please.” He whined. His voice was closer now, and it made me jump. I turned around and he gave me a soft smile as he approached the sofa.   
His hand stroked my hair absent-mindedly.   
“Gonna be so good for you, Daddy. Suck your cock so good.” He moaned. I looked up at him, my stomach in knots, and nearly gasped at the look in his eyes.  
It was pure rage. There wasn’t even a single sign of lust or want.  
Shit. He might actually kill him.   
“Yeah. Come tonight, okay? Maybe like, ten?” he murmured, his hand sliding through my hair. I smiled despite myself and let my head fall back. He smiled fondly down at me.   
“No, I need to get ready for you. Just come at ten, okay? I have so much planned, babe. I’ve missed you so much.”   
He cooed. His face looked almost bored. I bit my lip, smiling, and he grinned back.   
“Yeah. Okay. Love you too.” He mumbled. He hung up the phone and tossed it away from us, moving so he was sat down next to me. He looked at me with wide, concerned eyes.  
“I was just-“  
“I think I know. Gee, don’t get yourself into any trouble.” I whispered, cupping his cheek. He covered my hand and sighed.  
“I’ll try to stay in control okay? I just wanna talk to him.” He murmured. He paused.  
“Can I hold you?” he asked again, and this time I nodded. He let out an almost relieved sigh as he pulled me into his tight, warm arms, his cheek nuzzling against the top of my head.  
“I just don’t want you to hurt him, okay? I know what he did was wrong, and I hate him for it, but I can’t let you be that person. It scares me.” I breathed honestly.   
“I can’t let him just walk away from this, Frank. He can do whatever he wants to me, that’s fine. But as soon as he touches you? No. Nobody is allowed to hurt you. Not ever.” He growled. I didn’t like the look in his eyes, and fidgeted obviously against him.   
“Gee, you’re scaring me.” I sighed. In a moment, the look was gone, and he just smiled coolly at me.  
“Don’t be scared. I promise it’ll be okay.” He murmured, pulling me closer to him, cradling me in his arms.   
“S-so you aren’t mad that I, um, came?” I whispered hoarsely.  
“No. I’m not mad. It’s okay.” He breathed, kissing the top of my head lovingly. I felt like I shouldn’t believe him, but it was hard not to. Gerard was so warm and soft and lovely, and it chased away all the bad things in my head.

 

Too soon, it was time for Gerard to take me home. He seemed slightly on edge. Not that I blamed him.   
“Baby, you don’t have to do this.” I murmured to him when he pulled up outside my house. He shook his head.  
“Yes, I do. I can’t let him get away with this…”  
“He won’t. We’ll…we’ll tell the police or somethin’.” I stammered. He gave me an incredulous look.  
“Right. You were molested by a guy, who’s your English teacher’s ex-boyfriend, because you’re fucking said teacher. Yeah, it’s gonna be Bert that they arrest for that.” He snorted. I chewed my lip and turned away from him. I hated when he was like this.   
“I just want you to stay safe. You’re gonna do something stupid, I just know it.” I sighed. He stroked a hand softly down my neck, and I turned to look at him, sighing heavily.   
“Baby, please. Trust me.” He murmured, pulling me in close to him.   
I sighed, breathing in his scent.  
“I just love you. What if something goes wrong?”  
“It won’t. Mikey’s gonna be upstairs, and he’ll jump in. Baby, please. Please don’t worry.” He pleaded, kissing my forehead.   
“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Gerard. God, fuck. I don’t know how I’d live without you.” I whimpered. It wasn’t even just about tonight, it was everything. He’d been so kind, and even when he’d lost his patience, it was only because he was so scared. I felt silly for not telling him sooner.   
He smiled softly.  
“I love you too.” He breathed, kissing me gently. I sighed and slid out of the car.   
“Call me or something, okay?” I mumbled. He nodded, flashing me a smile.  
“I promise.” He said. I nodded and gave him a wave as I walked back to my house, wishing I could be comforted by his words.

 

**FROM: Gee.  
(5:38am)**

It’s all going to be okay now. He won’t bother you anymore. He won’t bother anyone anymore.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(7:32am)**

I was asleep, sorry. What do you mean? What happened? Are you alright?

 

**FROM: Gee.  
(7:49am)**

Don’t worry. I fixed it. I love you.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(8:01am)**

What does that mean? Gee, you’re scaring me.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(8:17am)**

I fixed it. It’s okay.


	54. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: References to rape/non-con. Graphic descriptions of violence. Blood. Alcoholism.

Gerard glanced at the clock – it was almost ten. Bert would be here any minute. He paced the kitchen, chewing nervously on his nails.  
“You know, you don’t have to do this.” Mikey sighed, exasperated. Gerard shot him a look.  
“Yes I do. You saw what he did to Frank-“  
“Yes, I did, and yes, it was awful. But, Gee, you can’t just beat the shit out of people whenever they do something wrong.”  
“Yes I can. And I will. Besides, I might not beat him. I’m going into this open minded.”  
“Right. Open minded. So you’re totally not planning on breaking his face?” Mikey said with a raised eyebrow. Gerard laughed, blushing.  
“Ah, his hands, actually. I was gonna break his hands.”  
“You’re terrifying. No wonder Frank’s afraid of you.” Mikey snapped. Gerard blanched.  
“Aw, he’s not afraid of me. He’s just…I don’t know. In any case, he knows I’d never hurt him.  
“I’m sure Bert probably thought that at one point.” Mikey pointed out. Gerard sighed.  
“Yes, but how likely is it that Frank’s gonna sexually abuse someone?” Gerard countered. Mikey chuckled.  
“That’s very true. I think the kid gets nervous having sex with _you,_ let alone forcing it on someone else.”  
Gerard’s mind flitted to Frank fucking him roughly against his desk, or calling him a slut as he sucked him off, but said nothing, and just nodded in agreement.   
A sharp knock on the door broke the conversation, and Gerard paled. Mikey chuckled.   
“See you later, brother.” He said, walking upstairs.   
Gerard considered not answering, but when Bert knocked again, he muttered to himself and opened the door, plastering a smile on his face.  
“Hey, Bert.” He said wearily. Bert pressed a kiss to his lips, and Gerard wanted to throw up. Or cry. He’d really missed him.  
“Hey, baby. How are you feeling?” he asked, letting himself in. This worked out better than Bert had ever hoped it would.   
Gerard chewed his lip and shrugged.  
“You know. I’m fine. Just…I just feel betrayed.” He sighed. It was true. He looked into the eyes of the man he could have once loved, and felt uneasiness settle in his stomach. Bert wrapped his arms around his waist, and Gerard, despite his better judgement, buried his face in his neck. He still smelled good, and it made Gerard’s heart ache.   
“Let me take it away, okay?” Bert murmured, kissing Gerard’s neck. He whimpered a little bit despite himself, melting into Bert’s touch.  
Fuck. He just couldn’t say no to him.   
“Y-yeah. Please.” Gerard whispered, forgetting himself completely. It’d been months, and he missed the way Bert would touch him, fuck him so gently yet so rough. The way he’d make Gerard cum so hard he nearly passed out.  
As much as Gerard loved having sex with Frank, the fact was that Bert was simply more experienced than he was. He knew how to get Gerard excited.   
Bert pressed his lips against Gerard’s, making him whine desperately, clutching his long, brown hair with eager hands.   
“Miss me?” Bert chuckled, pushing him against the wall.  
“Y-yeah. Fuck, yeah. Missed you.” He panted, rolling his hips forward. Bert nuzzled his face into Gerard’s neck and palmed him through his jeans.  
And _oh._ That brought Gerard back to what he was doing, and why he was doing it. He felt guilt wash over him when he imagined Frank’s gentle smile, the way he flicked his lip piercing with his tongue. He thought about the way his eyes softened when he said “I love you”, and the sound of his laugh. Gerard remembered the way he’d looked at Gerard with wide-eyed terror and guilt when he told him what Bert had done.   
Clenching his jaw, Gerard turned away. Suddenly, Bert didn’t smell or feel as good anymore.   
“Have you been with anyone recently?” Gerard asked lightly.  
“No, baby. Not since you.” Bert lied. Even not counting Frank, Bert had slept with at least 10 people since he’d last fucked Gerard.   
“Yeah. Not even touched them?” he asked.   
“No. Been waiting for you.” Bert growled, his fingers moving to undo Gerard’s jeans. Gerard sucked in a deep breath. He tangled his hand in Bert’s hair, getting a good grip, before he spoke.  
“So you didn’t practically rape my boyfriend, then?” he whispered. Bert froze. He tried to take a step back, but Gerard grabbed his wrist.   
“I…fuck, Gee. It wasn’t like that. He-“  
“Asked for it?” he said, his voice cold.  
“Yeah. He did.” Bert insisted. Gerard threw him to the floor.   
“You’re fucking lying. I know he didn’t ask for it, because when he got here, he couldn’t even bear to have me touch him!”  
“I…what?” Bert stammered. Gerard groaned.  
“He wouldn’t let me touch him. Fuck, he still won’t. He’s fucking terrified because of you. You ruined him, you fucking slut.” He yelled, kicking him hard in the side. Bert rolled over, groaning.  
“Gee…Gerard. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” he panted. Gerard grabbed his hair.  
“For what? For lying, or for raping my baby? Why can’t you fucking understand, Bert. I chose him!”  
“You love me, Gerard. You know you do.” He panted desperately. Gerard spat on his face, throwing him back to the ground.   
“I don’t love you. You’re filthy and disgusting. You’re the most desperate cunt I’ve ever met.” He snarled. Bert sobbed lightly.  
“Don’t say that. Please, Gee. I’m sorry. I’m so in love with you, please.” He begged. Gerard stamped on his ankle in anger, feeling satisfied when he heard a crunch under his foot.   
“Shut the fuck up, you fucking liar. You don’t understand love. It’s not about possessing and owning. It’s about caring. It’s about seeing someone and wanting them, only them. Always.” He choked.  
“Don’t you feel that for me, Gee? Even a little?”  
“No. It’s him.” He growled.   
“He’s a child, Gerard. He can’t give you anything I can.”  
“He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be, you abusive dick.” He yelled, kicking him again. Bert spat out blood, smiling grimly at Gerard.  
“Yeah? So this isn’t abuse?” he sneered. Gerard grabbed him by the hair again.  
“No. This is revenge.” He muttered, wrapping his hand around Bert’s throat. The other man writhed, gagging and choking.  
“G-Gee. Don’t.” he panted, gasping for air. Gerard felt vaguely dizzy as he squeezed harder, watching Bert’s face redden, his eyes rolling back.

“L-love you. Please.” He begged. That only made Gerard angrier.   
“Fuck. Gerard. Stop it! You’re killing him!”Mikey called from the top of the stairs, running down. Gerard whined.  
“I want to. He deserves it.” Gerard snarled. Mikey hugged him from behind.  
“Don’t. Don’t. Just stop, okay? For me, Gerard. Stop.” He whimpered. Gerard loosened his hand, watching as Bert slumped to the floor. Unconscious or dead? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t care. He turned around and let Mikey hold him.   
“Shh, hey. It’s okay. I know, it’s scary, but you’re fine.” Mikey murmured. Gerard sobbed, wrapping his arms around his brother.  
“I...I almost…”  
“But you didn’t.”  
“I’m not too sure.” He said, breaking away and looking at the seemingly lifeless body on the floor. Mikey leaned down and pressed his fingers to his throat.  
“No. He’s alive. It’s fine.” He murmured. Gerard nodded, sinking to the floor.   
“I can’t believe I almost-“  
“It’s okay. He had it coming for what he did to Frank.” Mikey reassured him. Gerard slumped, resting his head on his arms.

 

Bert stirred awake a few hours later. Gerard hadn’t moved much, but there was now an empty bottle of vodka lying next to him. Mikey had gone to bed a while ago.   
“Y-you’re fucking crazy.” He hissed. Gerard raised his eyes, bored.  
“At least I’m not a rapist.” He mumbled.   
“The slut deserved it. Besides. He liked it. He fucking loved it, Gerard. You should have heard his little pants and moans. It was so pretty. I can see why you fuck the little kid.” He snarled, trying to hurt him. Gerard rose to his feet slowly and walked towards Bert.  
“Please stop talking about my boyfriend like that.” He asked coolly.  
“Why should I? You already know how much of a desperate whore he is.” Bert spat. Gerard sighed and, in a way that was almost comedic in it’s casualness, smashed the empty bottle of vodka over Bert’s head. The man slumped down on the floor, and Gerard walked back to where he’d been sitting before.  
He looked intensely at Bert, trying to work out what was happening.  
Was he dead?  
Gerard didn’t check. He didn’t care. He’d got his revenge, either way.

He realized Frank was probably terrified, so he texted him.

 

**TO: Vampire Boy  
(5:38am)**

It’s all going to be okay now. He won’t bother you anymore. He won’t bother anyone anymore.

 

He passed out after he sent the message.

 

Bert woke up again a couple of hours later. He coughed up a substantial amount of blood, looking at Gerard pleadingly.   
“I…I’ll go. I won’t ever come back. I won’t d-do that to anyone ever again. I promise. I promise. Just let me go.” He begged. Gerard sucked the last of his cigarette.  
“Yeah, you can leave. If I ever see you again, I’ll fucking kill you.” He murmured, his voice casual, almost distracted. Bert nodded and scrambled to his feet.  
“I love you, Gerard. I love you so much.” He whispered as he left. Gerard put the cigarette out and smirked.  
“Yeah, you got a good taste in men.” He mumbled. Bert sighed defeated and left. Maybe he said something before he left, but Gerard didn’t notice, because his phone buzzed.

 

**FROM: Vampire Boy**

**(7:32am)**

I was asleep, sorry. What do you mean? What happened? Are you alright?

 

**TO: Vampire Boy  
(7:49am)**

Don’t worry. I fixed it. I love you.

 

**FROM: Vampire Boy**

**(8:01am)**

What does that mean? Gee, you’re scaring me.

 

Gerard sighed, feeling slightly sad. He didn’t want to scare Frank, but at the same time, he knew how much his violence upset him.   
He chewed his lip. He felt like shit. Despite everything, he still cared about Bert. Not anywhere near as much as Frank, but it was there – that little spark that wouldn’t ever go away. He cared about him, yet he’d threatened him, beat him, tried to kill him. And now he wasn’t ever going to see him again.   
He hated the single tear that ran down his cheek.

It didn’t matter. Frankie was safe now. It was all that mattered.

 

**TO: Vampire Boy**

**(8:17am)**

I fixed it. It’s okay.


	55. Gerard Way is a big dork with a big dick

Even though Gerard had warned me he wouldn’t be at school the following week so he could recover from everything, it was still upsetting to not see him.   
He urged me to take time off, too, but I said I’d rather just get back into the swing of things – and it was true. I didn’t want to sit around moping – not when Gerard had ‘fixed it.’   
I’d been terrified as to what that meant. At first, he was determined to not tell me what had happened, and I feared the worst. It was only after I confronted him that he told me.   
  
_“You…think I killed him?” He asked. I gulped._  
“Did you?” I asked shakily. He burst out laughing.  
“What? Jesus, Frank. No, I didn’t fucking kill him! God. I just hit him around a bit. He’s fine.” He laughed, the tears pouring down his cheeks. I rolled my eyes at him. 

It made me feel better, though, and so I went to school, even knowing that I’d miss him. I was glad as soon as I did though – otherwise I wouldn’t have walked into the best conversation of my whole year.   
I hadn’t been looking forward to English, until I heard Anna’s voice, clear as a bell:   
“He definitely has a big dick.”   
“Didn’t your brother fuck him?” Jasmine responded.   
“No! Shut up!” she screeched. I bit my lip, smiling, knowing straight away who they meant.   
“I just…I don’t know. Maybe it only looks big. Maybe it’s super small.” Emily considered.   
“Oh, please. The thing looks like it’s gonna pop out any second.” Anna snickered. I snorted, grabbing their attention.  
“Of course, Frank Iero knows all about Mr. Way’s dick, after having it up his ass.” Jasmine sneered. I smiled because, hey, she wasn’t wrong.   
“Go on, Frankie. Is his cock big?” Anna snapped, apparently still mad that I didn’t want to do her.   
“Yep. Massive. Biggest cock I’ve ever seen.” I said casually. Once again – I wasn’t wrong.   
“Yeah, right. Like he’d actually go near Frank.” Emily mumbled, signifying the end of the conversation. I turned away, back to my work, a big grin on my face.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(12:34pm)**

The girls are wondering if you have a big cock. I told them that you did. <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(12:38pm)**

Thank you for protecting my honor. Want a picture to remind yourself of how big my cock is?   
(or, if you’re not feeling up to that, I can just send you a picture of me missing you)

 

I smiled at his consideration. Ever since what happened, he’d been so good at the sexual stuff (or, not doing it). If our texts or phonecalls got a bit heated, he’d been very good at stopping straight away and making sure I was doing okay. Most times I was, but sometimes it got slightly overwhelming.   
To put it plainly, I just wasn’t that interested in sex right now, and he was okay with that. I felt insanely lucky.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(12:45pm)**

Send me the cock. I wanna make sure I didn’t give them improper information.

 

I chuckled to myself as I bounced my phone in my lap, waiting for his response.  
I wasn’t sure if he was doing this just to tease me, or if there was another reason for him leaving me hanging, but he didn’t actually send me the picture for almost 15 minutes.   
It was more than worth it when he did, though. I opened the picture and gasped. His hand was wrapped firmly around his hard cock, his balls looking heavy and tight. I could even see precum glistening off the swollen tip. My mouth watered.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(12:58pm)**

Definitely told the girls the truth. Your cock is massive. Can I come over and see it for real? <3

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(1:09pm)**

I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, my love. <3

 

I grinned, sliding my phone into my pocket. For the first time since Friday, I actually felt like I was getting some normality back in my life. It was a nice feeling; especially considering the rest of the school was so excited.   
The reason for this was, of course, prom. The word echoed through the halls and rattled through my bones.   
I don’t mean to be cliché and say that I was probably the only one not excited, but it was kind of true. Even Joe and Chris were into it.   
“Aw, come on, Frankie. You’ll have fun.” Joe said, nudging me that day at lunch. I glared at him.   
“Yeah, like I had fun at the last dance.” I sighed. They were silent for a moment.  
“Dude, you nearly got fucked into the wall by your future boyfriend at the last dance. Or don’t you remember that?” Joe pointed out. I sighed.  
“Not the point.” I grumbled, but there was a smile on my face. Of course I remembered – how could I forget?   
“He’s chaperoning the prom, you know.” Chris said casually. I sat up.  
“What?” I snapped. He laughed.  
“Yeah, dude. He does every year. Didn’t he mention it to you?”  
“Um. No. I guess we’ve been busy.” I mumbled, scratching my neck. I felt fairly stupid for not knowing that my own boyfriend was chaperoning the prom.   
“Maybe you could go with him? Like, incognito.” Joe suggested. I sighed.  
“I don’t know. I guess if he’s meant to be chaperoning he won’t have time for me.”   
“He’ll make time. Seriously, just like, mention it.” Joe probed. I raised an eyebrow.  
“When did you become okay with us dating anyway?” I laughed. He shrugged.  
“It’s all Romeo and Juliet. It’s kind of cute.”   
“They both die, though.” I pointed out.   
“Yeah, well. Shut up.” He snapped. I giggled and turned back to my lunch, feeling secretly relieved when they dropped the subject.   
I assumed that there was a reason why Gerard hadn’t mentioned that he’d be there to me, so I reasoned that I probably shouldn’t ask.   
Then again, maybe he’d actually just forgotten – in which case, me avoiding the subject could mean that I miss out on the opportunity to go to prom _with_ him.   
I groaned and rested my head on the table.  
“This, Christopher, is exhibit A of why we don’t fuck our teachers.” Joe said, gesturing to me. Chris nodded, looking solemnly at me.  
“I see. It appears that the patient is experiencing angst and confusion as a result of his teacher-fucking.” He said, nodding slowly. I chuckled.   
“You guys need to get laid.” I mumbled. They didn’t say anything because, hey, I wasn’t wrong.

 

Gerard was so fucking cute. That was it. I never thought I’d be calling my douchebag, overconfident, smug little asshole of an English teacher ‘cute’, but here I was. He was so cute.   
When I got to his place, he greeted me in his skeleton onesie, and a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows (fucking _marshmallows)_ in his hand. If that wasn’t the cutest thing ever, I didn’t know what was.   
“You feeling better, baby?” I asked, kissing him on the cheek as I pushed into the house. He nodded, looking at me with wide eyes as he drank his hot chocolate.  
“Yeah, Daddy. Thank you.” He smiled. I widened my eyes and chuckled.   
“Someone missed me.” I mumbled, shrugging my jacket off. He giggled.   
“Sorry, I just…I missed you.” He sighed. I stroked his cheek and pulled him in for a kiss.  
“I missed you too. I think you possibly missed me more…” I teased. He bumped me with his hip.  
“Shut up, Iero, or get out of my damn house.” He mumbled into his mug. I kissed his jaw and laughed, pushing past him and flopping onto his sofa.   
“I remember when you were excited and honoured to come into my house. Now it’s like ‘hey dude, let me put my fuckin’ feet on your couch.’” He sighed dramatically, sitting next to me, picking up my legs so they were resting on his. I beamed at him.  
“I sort of lose the whole ‘respect’ thing after I’ve had sex on top of something enough times. It loses it’s magic.”  
“Oh, that explains why you’re so comfortable being a little shit in my class. It’s the whole ‘I’ve had sex on that desk and on _that_ desk and against that wall and with my face pressed against the blackboard’ mentality. Right?” he chuckled. I nodded.  
“Yep, more or less.” I grinned. He laughed and ran his nails gently up and down my thigh. I hummed happily, letting my head fall back.

“I love you.” I sighed, entwining our hands. He smiled.  
“I love you, too. How was today?” he asked, shifting his weight a little and pulling me onto his lap. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck.   
“It was fine. I missed you, but it was fine.” I murmured, nuzzling my face into his neck. He sighed and ran his nails up my arm. I wiggled, giggling lightly.  
“Tickles.” I mumbled. He bounced me on his knees.   
“You’re like my little baby person.” He chuckled. I raised my eyebrow.  
“Right. I thought I was the daddy.” I teased. He chewed his lip, leaning in to press our lips together.  
“Mm. You are.” He purred, holding me closer as he kissed me, his tongue sliding between my lips. I moaned and shifted so I was straddling him, feeling his cock hardening against my ass.  
“Baby.” I breathed, grinding my ass down and making him whimper.  
“Oh, fuck, Frankie. I haven’t cum in ages. I fuckin’… I need to cum.” He moaned. I tangled my hands in his hair and nodded, unable to speak, as I joined our lips again, feeling his hands slide up my thighs. I was so unbearably hard. I could practically feel all of the cum that had been accumulating trying to force its way out. It _had_ only been a few days since Gerard and I last did anything, but it was the longest we’d ever been.   
He flipped us over suddenly, and he was on top of me, grinding down hard against me, his breath coming in eager, desperate pants.  
“Fuck, Frankie. Holy shit.” He moaned, biting down on my neck. I let out a moan and wrapped my legs tightly around his hips.   
“Fuck me. I want your cock inside me, Gee. Fuck me, please.” I begged, writhing underneath him. He moaned, his hand moving to rub my cock.   
And that’s when I stopped.   
Because that’s when the images came back. Flashing through my brain at lightning speed. The wall, that hand, his smirk, too rough, and an incoherent plea of “stop stop stop”.   
“Gerard, please. I can’t.” I breathed. He paused.  
“W-what? What do you need, baby?” He asked. His voice was filled with concern, but dripping with lust.   
“I…it’s nothing. We can keep going.” I said weakly. I felt dirty and disgusting. I needed to stop, but I didn’t want to disappoint him.  
“No. It’s okay, baby.” He murmured, moving to pull away.  
“No, I’m fine!” I insisted, my lie obvious by the tears spilling down my cheeks. He clicked his tongue and pulled away.   
“It’s okay, Frankie. I don’t wanna do this if you’re not gonna enjoy it.” He said, sitting up and smoothing his hands down his thighs. I sat up shakily, biting my lip as tears ran down my cheeks.  
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…I wanted to be able to do it for you. It’s not fair that I got you all worked up, and then I just-“  
“Baby. It’s okay. I’m fine. It’s just sex. I can go jerk off or something later.” He chuckled. I nodded, but I couldn’t look at him. I still felt sort of dirty, but now I felt guilty, too. He held his arms out.   
“Can I?” He asked carefully. I nodded.  
“Please do.” I laughed humorlessly. He smiled and pulled me close, his hand stroking softly at my hair.   
“It’s okay that you’re still feeling this way, Frankie. Don’t feel bad, please? I don’t ever want you to feel bad for not wanting sex.”  
“I do want it. That’s the problem. I’m so fucking horny, Gerard, all the fucking time. But there’s nothing I can do, because if I so much as think about touching myself –“ I cut off and shook my head.  
“It’s fine. It’ll pass.”  
“And if it doesn’t?” I asked shakily. He shrugged.  
“We’ll work something out. I’ve got you, okay?” He said, kissing my head. I nodded and snuggled into him.   
We sat like that for a moment before I felt his face stretch into a grin against my hair.   
“What?” I giggled.  
“I know what will make you feel better!” he announced.  
“Gerard, if you say Watchmen, I’m gonna-“  
“Watchmen!” he cried, as if I hadn’t spoken. I groaned.   
“You’re so dumb.” I grumbled as he wiggled off of the sofa and ran excitedly to the TV.   
“No, you’re uncultured. This is gold.” He snapped, as he always did.  
“Do you know like, every line?” I said. He turned and looked at me seriously.  
“Yes. Of course I do. Don’t you?” he said, looking concerned. I, of course, made the mistake of saying:  
“No. I’m not a dork.” With a roll of my eyes. He gasped, shocked.   
“Then we’ll just have to keep watching it until you do.” He said, with a determined nod. I sighed and shut my eyes.   
“You can’t watch the superhero awesomeness with your eyes shut, Frankie.” He teased, climbing back onto the sofa.   
“Wow, really? Shit.” I said sarcastically. He shot me a glare, but then beamed as the movie started, and I realized, once again, that I was dating a 38-year-old child.

 

The movie ended, and as Gerard breathed the final words, I couldn’t help but smile. He was a fucking dork, but I was crazy about him.   
He turned to look at me with a wide smile.   
“Wasn’t that amazing?” he asked, stretching. I looked at him incredulously.  
“Sure, Gerard. Sure.” I mumbled. He made grabby hands at me and I sighed, shifting so I was in his lap again.   
“I need to talk to you about somethin’.” He said, a small smile on his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck.   
“Okay.” I said.   
“You look worried?”  
“Do I? I’m not.” I assured him. He shrugged.  
“Okay. So, ah, you know that prom’s coming up soon, right? Like, just after graduation…”  
“I forgot about graduation.” I mumbled. It was true, too. The school had so much of a slant on prom, it sort of masked the fact that I was graduating first.   
“Can you pay attention?” he snapped. I wiggled my eyebrows.  
“I love it when you get all ‘Mr. Way’ on me. It’s sexy.”  
“Frank!” he cried in exasperation. I chuckled and snuggled into him.   
“Sorry. Yes, prom.” I smiled.  
“Yes. Anyway. I don’t know if you knew, but um, I’m chaperoning. I kind of do it every year. Free booze.” He chuckled.  
“Except that you’re sober.” I mumbled. He blushed.  
“Of course.” He said with an easy, yet nervous, smile. I rolled my eyes.  
“Whatever. Anyway?”  
“Anyway. I’m allowed to have a date. I can bring anyone in the world I wanna bring. So um, I was gonna ask if you wanted to go with me?” he asked, blushing. I bit my lip.  
“Baby, that’s cute. But, you know I like, go to that school, right? Like, I was gonna go anyway.” I said, slightly confused.   
“Yes, but not as my date. And now you are.”   
“Right. Well, okay then. It’s not official though, really.”  
“Why not?”  
“I think the whole teacher and student thing sort of gets in the way of that.”  
“But it’s after graduation?” he said, confused. I stared at him.  
“Yes…I know when it is…” I said slowly. I had literally no idea why he was being like this. His eyes lit up, his face pulling into a smile.  
“You really don’t know why that’s significant?” he asked, excitement bubbling in his voice.  
“Huh? No. Is it significant?” I asked. He shrugged.  
“No, not really. Okay, Frankie. I guess I’ll see you there anyway?” he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows.   
“Sure…Gerard…” I muttered. He was acting really, really weird. More than usual. He chuckled, dumping me off his lap.  
“Okay, cool. Romantic moment over. Do you want pizza?” he asked, getting to his feet. I watched him go, shaking my head. He was such a weird, weird man.   
But he was my weird man, and, when I wasn’t rolling my eyes at his existence, I was stupidly in love with him.


	56. Graduation

I never saw the point in the whole ‘graduation’ thing. When I was younger, and watched the people in the grades above me graduating, I couldn’t help but think the ceremony was overly ostentatious, and just generally stupid. That was before it was time for my own, though. As the date approached, the school got more and more excited. Momentarily, the ‘graduation’ hype actually out-hyped the ‘prom’ hype, and the hallways were full of banners and signs and posters. It hit me only a few days before that, shit, this was it. I was actually graduating, and I was actually going to university.   
So, in light of this, my opinion changed, surprisingly. No longer did I think it was a stupid, meaningless event.   
I thought it was a _really_ fucking stupid meaningless event.   
  
“You’re a lemon.” Gerard sighed. I raised my eyebrows and snorted.   
“I’m a lemon?” I asked slowly. He nodded.  
“Yes. You’re all sour and gross and…c’mon, Frankie. You’re graduating.” He said, shaking me a little.   
It was what my school lovingly called ‘farewell week’, in which we had bullshit assemblies and mini-parties and stuff like that. All week. Thankfully, it was almost over.   
Gerard was giving an assembly in maybe half an hour, as he did every year. However, considering he was currently being pressed against his blackboard while I kissed and bit his neck, it seemed unlikely.   
“Jesus, Frank. You’re gonna get fuckin’ chalk on my back.” He snapped, pushing me back slightly. I rolled my eyes and perched on his desk.   
“So, what are you gonna talk about?” I asked, swinging my legs. He chuckled.   
“I was gonna talk about how I’m fucking one of my students, and how he’s a little tease, and how I am very, very in love with him.” He smirked, kissing me. I rolled my eyes and leaned back.   
“No, seriously.”   
“Seriously, you’re gonna have to wait like the other students.”  
“What happened to ‘the little tease I’m fucking’? Don’t I get privileges?”   
“Yes. You get me. Isn’t that enough?” he asked, wiggling his hips a little bit. I chuckled, jumping off his desk, pecking him on the lips as I did.   
“Yes. It is. It’s also going to get me into trouble unless I go now. Can’t be late for assembly. I hear the guy giving it is pretty hot.” I beamed. He nudged my ass with his foot, laughing.   
“Goodbye, Iero.” He smirked.   
“See you later, Mr. Way.”   
“Frankie, fuck.” He moaned.   
“Mr. Way. Please, compose yourself. You don’t want to go out in front of all those people with a boner.” I said, raising my eyebrows. He looked down and groaned.  
“I hate you.” He snapped, but smiled. I didn’t say a word as I left.

 

I filed into assembly with Joe and Chris on each side of me. They said it was an innocent coincidence, but I knew they had every intention of making fun of me when Gerard was speaking.   
‘Cause you know. What else are friends for, right?   
We sat in a row to the left of the small platform we called, somewhat wishfully, a stage, in the second row. I groaned when I realized the seats, because he’d probably be able to find me quite quickly with his eyes, and I was worried he’d stare at me.   
I’d heard that he did that a lot.   
Despite my reservations, I couldn’t help the rush of pride that ran through me when he walked up to the small, unimpressive podium. His eyes scanned the room and I watched a blush form on his cheeks. I couldn’t help but grin. He cleared his throat, his blush growing deeper. I watched as he self-consciously loosened his tie.   
“Hi, guys. How’s everyone doing?” he asked. The room was silent. He gulped and smiled again.  
“Wow. Okay. So, this is overwhelming. I mean, I look out and there’s just so many of you that I’ve known for such a long time, and some of you I’ve only met this year. However, no matter how long I’ve known you, I feel like I have a connection with each and every one of you.” He said.  
“That’s literal, in Frank’s case.” Joe muttered. I jabbed him in the ribs.   
“You’ve all grown as people in the time I’ve known you, and I’m proud to have been even a small part of that process. I know it’s been a tremulous year, and it hasn’t been…easy. We’ve all had our individual struggles and issues. But I like to think that we’ve helped each other through it.”   
“Basically, it’s an open love letter to Frankie.” Chris muttered. A jab in the ribs was administered to him by yours truly.   
“I myself have faced many challenges and trials this year, in particular, and I know a lot of you guys have, too. Every day, I’ve seen you come into my class, and every day there’s something going on inside every single brain. You’re all constantly thinking about life, and about truth and love. And that’s important. That’s what I value the very most in students. You are all, every one of you, incredibly kind, inquisitive, intelligent students, and I believe that the world is literally yours, so go get it. Whatever it is that you feel is holding you back, let it go, and then go follow your dreams, because all of you are worth it. In this group of young people, I have found people who I genuinely think can reach the stars if they want to. And you will. You will, because you are spectacular.” He flicked his eyes to me.   
“You are exceptional.” He breathed, before turning his attention back to the crowd.   
“We started this year reading To Kill A Mockingbird, and I told you it was my favourite book. That remains the same, but teaching such a genuinely interesting, inspiring group of people has somewhat solidified the meaning for me. You have all shown, in your personalities, and in what you bring into the world, every single thing I love about the book. You showed me adventure and fearlessness. You showed me bravery and kindness, and love, and acceptance. Most of all, you’ve shown me that differences should be accepted. You should love yourself for who you are, and others for who they are. No exceptions.  
Thank you all for what has easily been the most eventful year of my life. It’s been a pleasure.” He finished with an easy smile. Chris, being an asshole, was the first to clap. The rest of the hall followed suit quickly. Gerard’s eyes rested on mine, and I laughed. His face pulled into a proud smile.   
“Gotta hand it to you, Iero. Your man’s got it.” Joe beamed. I chuckled.   
“You’re not even in my class, why are you in the assembly?” I hissed.  
“Mr. Way told me to come and bug you.” He said with a grin. I shot Gerard a look, and he laughed, as if he knew what we were talking about.   
“I’m gonna kill him.” I beamed. Chris rolled his eyes.  
“You express your love in negatives. Have you ever noticed that?” he asked. I flipped him the finger as we all filed out, heading back to our classes.   
“It’s sort of weird to think that we’re never gonna have another English lesson again, right?” Chris mused.   
“Well, we have the one this afternoon? But yeah. I guess so.” I shrugged. Chris laughed.  
“Okay, maybe it’s not weird for you. But I think I might miss Mr. Way. He’s pretty cool.” Chris nodded slowly. I shrugged.  
“Yeah. He’s alright.”

 

My final English lesson was surprisingly emotional, for everyone who wasn’t me. Not that I wasn’t sad, of course, but more that I wasn’t going to miss Gerard because, you know, we’re fucking.   
Still, it choked me up to see everyone else getting so choked up. Especially him.   
“Y’know, Mr. Way. I think you’re an asshole, and every time I see you I want to rip your balls off. But you’re actually okay.” I heard Cameron say. Gerard just laughed.   
“Thanks, Cam. No hard feelings?”  
“Yeah, sure.” He smiled, shaking his hand. It made me feel warm, like I hadn’t started a massive, unending feud.   
The girls, of course, flocked around him for most of the lesson.   
“So, does this mean we can’t talk to you anymore?” Jasmine simpered. I chuckled, and Gerard shot me a look.   
“I’m afraid so, girls. Other than at Graduation tomorrow, and then at prom.”  
“What if we like, see you in public?” Anna asked eagerly. He shrugged.  
“Well, that could be okay. As long as you don’t, um. Follow me.” He mumbled, and the girls fell into fits of laughter. I smiled at how uncomfortable he looked. It was his own fault for flirting shamelessly with all of them all year.   
“But we can talk to you at prom?” Jasmine clarified. He blushed.  
“Um…I suppose so. I don’t see why not. I’ll be uh, sort of busy. Chaperoning. Stuff like that.” He mumbled.   
“Frank, go save him.” Chris laughed. I chuckled and walked over.  
“Uh, Mr. Way?” I asked. He looked at me with grateful eyes.  
“Yes! Frank! How can I help?” he asked. I smiled.  
“I was just wondering about…um…university?” I said weakly, revealing that I really had no plan. He sighed at my unpreparedness.   
“That’s…yeah, sure. Let’s go outside. It’s kinda loud in here.” He murmured, placing a firm hand on the small of my back and leading me outside.   
Once away from the classroom, we both burst into a fit of giggles.  
“Holy shit.” He wheezed, grabbing his hip, beaming.   
“You were great, you know. Talking. It was…it was really sweet, Gee.” I smiled gently. He held my hand softly.  
“Thank you. You looked…amused.”  
“I think that has more to do with you inviting Joe to the assembly just to bug me.” I snapped. He laughed.  
“Invited? I _paid_ him. Ten dollars.” He chuckled.   
“Oh my god, you are an asshole.” I groaned, but at the same time, feeling a swell of affection for him.   
“You’re in love with me, though.” He smiled. I, after checking the hallway, leaned up and kissed him softly.  
“I am. Gerard, I am so in love with you.” I sighed, stroking his cheek. He smiled.  
“Good. Are you excited for tomorrow?” he asked, leaning against the wall and smiling – clearly taking advantage of the time we had alone together. I shrugged.  
“I guess so. It’s pretty daunting though, right? Like. This is it. I’m done.” I breathed. It was a fact that had been following close behind me throughout my examination process, and now that it was looming ahead of me, I was less excited and more nervous. He nodded.  
“You’re done. And then you’re moving to Canada.” He said with a sad smile. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat at his words.   
“I…let’s not talk about that now.” I whispered. He nodded and looked away.  
“We should go back.” He mumbled, leading me back into the classroom for another half an hour of people trying to get him to like them last-minute. Gerard, being highly personable, generally forgave even the shittiest kids for their behaviour, in the end. That was him, though. Too forgiving. Too kind. It’s why he’d broken his own heart so many times – he just couldn’t say no to anyone.   
He caught my eye and gave me a questioning glance, and I threw him a smile that I hoped would say ‘no worries, baby’.   
Chris appeared to my left and leaned heavily on me.  
“We’re still gonna be brothers when you go to Canada, right?” he asked. I chuckled.  
“Yeah, dude. It’s fine. We’re gonna be brothers forever.” I grinned. He nodded.  
“Alright. Don’t tell Joe I asked that, or he’ll beat my pussy ass.” He sighed. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.  
“Okay, Chris. Whatever you say.” I smiled.   
The bell rang then, signifying the end of the lesson and, much to everyone’s shock, the end of our lives as students. Sure, we were going to university, but it wasn’t the same. We all stood in silence, staring at each other, a sense of surrealism filling the room. This was it. We were done. We were actually done.   
Gerard put a hand on my lower back. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought he was being risky, but I was too weirded-out to care.   
“Congratulations, everyone. Go get drunk as fuck.” Gerard said, breaking the silence. That seemed to be the catalyst for the room to explode in all different emotions. Some people started crying, and some were screaming, and others were laughing. It was chaotic.   
“I love you.” Gerard murmured in my ear, low enough that he couldn’t be heard. I smiled.  
“You too.” I breathed, subtly squeezing his hand. Though, the subtlety wasn’t needed. I doubted anyone was paying attention – nor would they probably care.   
We were done. We did it.

 

 

My Mom was emotional the next morning.   
Okay. That’s an understatement. My Mom was a fucking wreck the next morning.   
“Oh my God! My baby Frankie! All grown up and going to university! Your Dad would be so proud, Frankie. Oh, you’re so amazing!” she weeped, following me around as I tried to get ready. I laughed, sliding my tie up.  
“Thanks, Mama. I need to go, okay?” I said, holding her shoulders. We had to do a rehearsal for the graduation ceremony, to make sure nobody fell off the stage or shit themselves.   
Again.   
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight, and then we can go out for dinner.” She said, nodding as she wiped her eyes. I chuckled.   
“Of course, Mom.” I smiled.  
“Do you wanna bring Cameron?” She asked. I froze, biting my lip.   
“Um. No, Mom. I think he has plans with his family.” I said nervously. She blushed.  
“Maybe we could invite Mr. Way? If he’s…not doing anything.” She said slowly. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, mentally praying to whatever was up there to kill me.   
“Um. Maybe, Ma.” I smiled. She laughed.   
“Okay, sorry. Go! I’ll see you tonight.” She said, pressing a kiss on my cheek. I kissed her and grabbed my jacket as I headed out the door.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(12:34pm)**

Warning: Mama Iero is gonna ask you to dinner tonight.

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(12:37pm)**

I’m gonna say yes just to piss you off.   
Where are you btw? Boring as fuck without you here.

 

**TO: Gee.**

**(12:39pm)**

Don’t you dare!   
On my way. Love you! Xo

 

**FROM: Gee.**

**(12:42pm)**

I love you too. I’d love you more if you picked me up some coffee on your way over. I’d love you a lot if you did that.

 

I laughed and shook my head as I slid my phone back into my pocket, making a mental note to swing by Starbucks on my way over.

 

When I did finally get to school, Gerard’s coffee in hand, I was somewhat surprised to notice that I was actually one of the last ones to arrive. It seemed like everyone else in my grade was already there. I blamed it on excitement.   
When Gerard saw me (or, more appropriately, when he saw the cup of coffee in my hand) his eyes lit up, and I watched him desperately try to excuse himself from his conversation. This was mostly unsuccessful, though, and I found it heavily amusing to watch him as he gazed longingly at his coffee.   
Finally, he managed to escape. He made a direct beeline for me, subtlety be damned, and grabbed the coffee from my hands. He took a long sip and moaned softly, his eyes fluttering shut.   
“Thank you. I love you.” He breathed a little bit too loudly. I looked around, blushing.   
“Careful.” I snapped. He smiled amusedly at me, taking another long sip.   
“So, what took you so long?” he sighed.   
“I didn’t realize everyone was gonna show up so early.”

“Aren’t you excited to finally be an adult, Frankie?” he giggled, bumping me with his hip.   
“Not really. I was more excited when the stakes were higher.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. He narrowed his eyes.  
“Stakes?”  
“You said we wouldn’t have sex until graduation, but uh, that’s kind of gone out the window.” I said, lowering my voice. He laughed.   
“I suppose so. I can fuck you anyway?” he offered. I widened my eyes.  
“Seriously, Gerard, shut up. You’re gonna get us in trouble.” I hissed. He just smirked and downed the rest of his coffee.   
“Aw, sorry Frankie. I’m just glad to see you. This whole morning has been boring as hell. I just wanna get the thing going. Get you all graduated and shit.”  
“Why?”  
“No reason.” He said quickly with an easy smile that I didn’t trust. I chewed my lip and tilted my head, hoping to prompt an extension of his statement, but to no avail.   
“Weird dude. Go help with teacher stuff.” I teased. He looked over to where most of the teachers were congregating, then looked back, considerably paler than before.  
“Tina’s over there.” He mumbled. I giggled.   
“What’s wrong, Gee? Can’t face up to the people you fuck?”   
“Not her. Fuck, dude. She’s fucking crazy. She threw a fucking _tampon applicator_ at me. I didn’t even know those existed until it was in my face.”  
“Gross. What did you do?”  
“What I always do. I fucked her, told her I couldn’t see her anymore or whatever, and then tried to leave. She’s clingy as hell, dude.” he groaned.   
“Well, you can’t sit and talk to me all day, Mr. Way. I do have friends my own age. Do you?” I said, batting my eyelashes. He narrowed his eyes.  
“I hate you.” He said with a smirk.   
“Save it for the bedroom, baby.” I breathed, biting my lip. He let out a soft broken moan.   
“Again. I hate you. Don’t you dare get me hard.” He hissed. I popped out my hip and smiled innocently.   
“Maybe if you left me alone, there wouldn’t be a problem, Mr. Way?” I said. He growled something unintelligible under his breath and stalked away.   
I giggled as I made my way over to my friends.   
“What are you laughing at?” Chris smiled.   
“Gerard’s being super weird.” I chuckled. They shared a look, giggling.   
“Oh my god. What?” I groaned.   
“Nothing.” Joe said.  
“He told us not to tell you.” Chris added.   
“Is it gonna make me kill him?”   
“No. You’ll probably kick yourself, though.” Joe grinned.   
“I hate him, and both of you. I’m gonna go be a lonely hermit in the cold expanses of Alaska.” I sighed dramatically.   
“’Kay dude.” Chris shrugged. I narrowed my eyes, but couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. If I was going to spend my final moments as a student with any idiots, I was glad it was _these_ idiots.

 

The rehearsal went fairly well. Nobody died. Nobody threw up. Gerard sent me on _several_ coffee runs, with murmured promises of a blowjob in payment. I just rolled my eyes, and assured him that it was okay. I didn’t really want to see Gerard go through this day without coffee – he looked like he was losing it as it was.   
By the time they opened the doors to our parents, everybody was terrified. Sure, we didn’t have to actually _do_ anything, but it was a scary prospect.   
Gerard came behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. Not even caring at that moment if we were caught, I leaned into his touch with a sigh.   
“I’m nervous.” I admitted with a smile. He chuckled and nuzzled his cheek into my hair.   
“Don’t be. You’ve worked so, so hard for this. It’s okay.” He promised, squeezing my shoulders. He took a step back, and I frowned at the loss of contact.   
“I feel like…I don’t know. I’m gonna miss not seeing you.” I admitted softly. He chuckled.   
“You’ll see me all the time, Frankie. We can spend the whole summer together.” He grinned. I frowned.   
“You know what I mean. Once I…leave.” I said, the word feeling dead on my lips. Gerard sighed.   
“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll sort something out. I mean, I can’t exactly come up with you…but we’ll work out something. I’m not letting you go like that.” He said, raising his hand to stroke my cheek, but letting it fall when he caught himself. I smiled.  
“Remember when you were gonna try to ignore this? After that first time?” I giggled. He rolled his eyes.  
“What a mistake that would have been. I love you.” He murmured. I bit my lip.  
“You too. I…have to go. I’ll talk to you after the ceremony thing.” I stammered, my heart racing. He nodded and held his hand out, smirking. I chuckled and shook his head.  
“It’s been good being your teacher, Frank. All the best.” He smiled politely. I rolled my eyes, and he winked, turning and walking away.   
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Chris and Joe smiling at me.   
“Ready to do this?” Joe asked nervously. I sucked in a breath.   
“Um. No. Let’s just…”  
“Has he told you the thing yet? Or have you worked it out?” Chris chuckled, gesturing to Gerard. I groaned.  
“No. And no. God, can’t you just _tell_ me?” I begged. They shook their heads almost simultaneously.   
“Takes away the fun.” Joe sighed. Chris nodded enthusiastically in agreement.   
“Can we just go.” I said, pushing them towards the line of students forming at the side of the stage.   
This was it. I was actually done.

 

The ceremony itself was fairly simple. They called my name, I walked onstage, grabbed my diploma, shook Mr. Tucker’s hand, and walked to the side of the stage. It wasn’t particularly difficult, or even nerve-provoking. What made the thrill rush through me, was my Mother. She was sitting in the center of the front row, and my heart squeezed. She beamed at me, tears in her eyes, and I felt a rush of pride. She’d raised me all on her own after my Father died, and she’d done so well. Especially considering everything I’d been lying to her about recently.

I felt tears prickle my eyes, and before I knew it, I was crying. It wasn’t really embarrassing, because so was everyone else, but I wasn’t crying because I was graduating – I was crying because I was lying to the one person in the world who would always love me – who _had_ always loved me.   
“Congrats, class of 2015.” Mr. Tucker grinned, and the audience burst into applause, parents and teachers alike getting to their feet to cheer. I caught Gerard’s eye, and noticed that he was crying.   
I raised my eyebrows at him incredulously, and he chuckled and wiped his eyes, even as more tears fell.   
“So proud of you.” He mouthed. I bit my lip and looked back at my Mom, who was looking at me with a similar look of pride.   
It seemed like years before we were finally dismissed from the stage, and shepherded around the back of the stage to say our goodbyes.   
The room was filled with a lot of people saying a lot of different things. ‘I’ll miss you’, ‘I’ll see you at prom’, ‘you’re amazing’. Stuff like that. The one that surprised me, though, was the one that was said to me frantically.   
“I love you.” He said, grabbing my shirt.   
“Gerard.” I protested, pulling away. He held me harder.  
“Don’t. I don’t care. Please. I love you.” He said, tears streaming down his face. Okay, nobody was even looking at us, but it didn’t matter. We could get caught. I was almost angry at how reckless he was being.   
“You too, but we can’t-“  
“Say it. Tell me.” He demanded.   
“I love you, Gerard. I love you.” I breathed. He let out a choked sob and pulled me into his arms. I sobbed and wrapped my arms tightly around him.   
“I love you so much. I’m so proud of you, Frankie. Fuck, I’m in love with you.” He cried into my shoulder. I rubbed his back softly.  
“I love you too. I’m always gonna love you.” I whispered. He took a step back and laughed softly.  
“I’d kiss you, but…”  
“I know. It’s fine.” I giggled. He stroked my cheek.   
“You’re so beautiful.” He murmured. I bit my lip, tasting the salt from the tears running down my cheeks.   
Joe, of course, ruined it.   
“Not to interrupt the gay party, really, but um. Everybody’s staring at you.” Joe said, nudging me. I looked up and, sure enough, there were several eyes on us. Gerard chuckled dryly, dropping his hand.  
“Other people, eh?” he mumbled.   
“I’ll text you tonight.” I smiled.  
“Huh? I’m coming to dinner with you, baby.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows. My smile dropped.   
“No. You didn’t.” I groaned. He handed me my jacket, nodding softly.  
“Yep. Sorry, kiddo!” he beamed, striding away from me. I sighed, turning to Joe.   
“Were we that obvious?” I asked with a blush. He chewed his lip.  
“Ah. Yes. It was pretty bad.” He laughed. I narrowed my eyes.   
“I don’t see how that’s funny.” I snapped, sliding my jacket on. Joe rolled his eyes.  
“Because you’re dumb. Let me know when you work it out.” He smiled. He patted me patronizingly on the head before he walked back to where he’d been before he’d broken up the ‘gay party’.   
I followed Gerard out from behind the curtain, praying that he’d been joking.   
However, when I saw him standing by my Mom, both of them laughing, my stomach dropped, and I realized that he really, really hadn’t been joking.  
I watched my Mom put her hand on his shoulder, and he froze. I decided that now would be as good a time as any to interrupt.  
“Hey Mama!” I said as I approached. She dropped her hand and beamed at me, and Gerard shot me an appreciative look. I hugged my Mother tightly.   
“I’m so proud of you, Frank.” She sighed, kissing my cheek. I pulled away and held her hands, beaming.  
“Thanks, Mom. I’m just glad it’s over.” I laughed.   
“So Mr. Way’s joining us for dinner.” She cut in quickly. I turned and gave him a tight smile.  
“Lovely.” I said through gritted teeth. He laughed.   
“Sorry, Frank. Does that make you uncomfortable?” he asked with false sincerity.   
“Not at all. Sir.” I spat with a tense smile. He nodded.  
“So it’s settled.” He said with a warm smile. My Mom blushed, and I actually threw up a little in my mouth.   
“Okay, let’s go.” She said awkwardly, turning on her heel. Gerard beamed at me, and I glared.

“If you flirt with my Mom all night, I will literally break up with you.” I hissed.   
“I won’t flirt with your Mom, Frank. I can’t say the same for you, though.” He chuckled. I rolled my eyes, waiting for what I was sure would be an eventful night.

 

I was getting pretty damn tired of being right all the time.   
We went to a restaurant that was fairly near the school. It wasn’t anything special – one of those Italian, family-owned joints. I’d been there a few times before, and it was actually pretty nice.   
We sat in a booth in the corner. Mom on one side, Gee and I on the other. She’d tried to convince him to sit next to her, but he said he could talk to her better from my side, and she’d blushed and fallen silent, and he took that as permission.   
My boyfriend was, occasionally, a manipulative bastard.   
He rested his hand on the inside of my thigh as he talked, and I barely noticed it, as odd as it sounds. I suppose it should have set alarm bells off in my head, but it didn’t. It felt so natural, so normal that he might do that, that I barely even registered it as being wrong.   
“So, Gerard, you have a brother, you said?” Mom said, as the waiter put the food down in front of us. Gerard gave my thigh a little squeeze as he moved his hand so he could eat.  
“Yeah, a younger one. His name’s Mikey.” He smiled.   
“Oh. Is he a teacher too?” she asked. Gerard chuckled.  
“Uh, no. He actually recently got out of a coma.” Gerard shrugged. I smiled at how shocked my Mom looked.  
“Oh…is he alright?”   
“Yeah, he’s perfectly fine. I mean, he gets a bit confused sometimes, but he’s doing well.” He smiled, and I couldn’t help the way my heart squeezed. His eyes always lit up when he was talking about Mikey.   
“That’s good to hear.” Mom said lamely, clearly uncertain of what to say next.   
The next few minutes were filled by a slightly awkward silence as we all ate.   
“Uh, I’ll be right back.” Mom said suddenly, standing up and heading to the bathroom. As soon as she was out of sight, Gerard groaned.  
“You were right. This is awkward.” He grumbled. I laughed.  
“Don’t you wanna get cozy with your Mom in law?” I teased. He widened his eyes.   
“Oh god. We are never getting married ever. Ever.” He said, but his mouth twitched into a smile.   
“Sure. _Sure.”_ I joked, poking his side.   
“Shh. The mother hen returns.” He muttered. I rolled my eyes at him.   
“Dork.” I muttered under my breath as my Mom approached the table. She sat down and smiled.  
“What are we talking about?” she asked.   
“The representation of women in the novel Jane Eyre, and whether or not Bronte was attempting to create feminist ideals in a society that hadn’t yet grasped the concept of an independent woman, and whether or not this attempt was overshadowed by her using a male pseudonym to publish the book under.” Gerard said quickly.   
“Oh.” Mom said lamely. I looked at him, narrowing my eyes. He was so dumb sometimes.   
“Uh, I was joking.” He said with a weak smile, and my heart literally melted in my chest at how abashed he looked. I squeezed his thigh and he beamed, then, remembering himself, looked down at the table, biting his lip.   
“Is everything alright, Mr. Way?” Mom asked politely. He flashed her a charming smile.  
“Mrs. Iero, I’ve told you many times. Just call me Gerard.” He chuckled.  
“Well, Gerard. I think I told you to call me Linda.” She said, almost seductively. Oh, gross.   
“ _I’m gay_.” Gerard blurted out.   
I stared at him in shock. So did my Mom. He widened his eyes and put his hands over his mouth.   
“I…oh. I’m sorry?” he stammered, his face going red. Mom just stared at him. He looked at me for help, but I couldn’t think of what to say.   
“I’m sort of an idiot. I’m sorry. I’ll just, ah….” He said, making to stand up.  
“No! God, Gerard. It’s fine.” My Mom said with a cool smile. Funnily enough, she didn’t actually look upset at all. Disappointed, maybe, but not upset.   
“I’m so sorry. I have no idea why I said that.” He stammered, loosening his tie.  
“Oh, so you’re-“  
“No! I mean, yes. I actually am. I just don’t know why I said it.” He said, seeming bewildered. I put my hand on his leg under the table, and actually felt the tension flowing out of him as he relaxed. Mom gave him an easy smile.  
“It’s not a problem, Gerard. Frank’s gay, and I don’t mind.”  
“ _Mom.”_ I groaned. Gerard beamed.  
“Is he? I sort of got that vibe from him.” He said, nodding sincerely. I glared at him. Mom smiled.  
“Yeah, he is. He came out to me while we were arguing, and I was sort of not surprised. Like, at all.”  
“Mom, seriously.” I sighed, annoyed at how my Mom and my damn _boyfriend_ were ganging up on me. Not fair at all.   
“Aw, come on, Frankie. Gerard doesn’t mind.” She said, almost condescendingly. He put his hand over mine under the table, entwining our fingers.   
“Yeah, Frank. It’s fine.” He smiled. The words ‘yeah, I know it’s fine. It was fine when I had my cock in your ass’ were literally on the edge of my tongue. It took all my willpower not to say them.   
Gerard smiled patronizingly down at me, and I gave his leg a sharp kick from under the table. He hissed in pain, and I smiled innocently.  
“Sorry, Mr. Way, was that your leg? I’m sorry.” I said. He glared at me, but composed his face quickly.  
“Not a problem, Frank.” He said smoothly, but his hand clamped down on my thigh. I shot him a ‘don’t you fucking dare’ look, and he just shrugged innocently, his thumb rubbing softly at the inside of my thigh. I bit back a moan and smiled as my Mom spoke about something. I didn’t know or care what it was. My eyes zeroed on the self-satisfied smirk that played around Gerard’s lips, and promised myself that I’d put my dick in his mouth, and see how smug he was then.   
The thought made me vaguely uncomfortable, and I shifted slightly away from Gerard.  
He gave me a look that asked ‘are you okay’, and I replied with a frown that said ‘no’.   
He moved his hand straight away, and instead slid it into mine, holding my fingers tightly. I sighed happily and almost leaned against him, but caught myself just in time.   
He smiled a little bit and rubbed my thumb with his hand. We both pretended to listen to my Mom, but – and no offence to her – I don’t think he was listening to her any more than I was. We were too in love for anyone to break through into our little bubble.

 

“No, Linda, really. I should be getting home.” Gerard said with an easy smile as she tried to convince him to come home with us for coffee.   
“Maybe another time, then?” she asked, smiling. It wasn’t flirty anymore, which I was thankful for, but she was still being slightly overbearing. I assumed it was so that she could tell all her friends about how attractive he was, and how good friends they were. He gave her another polite smile.   
“Yes, another time, certainly.” He said softly. He turned his attention to me. His eyes were wide, and he slid his tongue out to wet his lips before replying, and I knew that he wanted to kiss me just as badly as I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to push him against the car door and claim his mouth.  
But I couldn’t. So I just smiled back.   
“I guess the next time I’ll see you is prom.” He sighed almost sadly. It was true, as well. Prom was a week away, but he’d requested that we didn’t talk until then – not even over the phone. For some dumb reason, I’d agreed.  
Though, now that I was looking at him and feeling an ache in my chest at the prospect of no contact for a week, I couldn’t remember why I would ever agree to that.  
“I guess.” I shrugged nonchalantly. He looked intensely at me for a moment, before putting his hand out. I don’t know what I expected, of course, but the movement made me feel slightly dejected.   
“Congratulations, Frank.” He breathed. I put my hand in his and shook it.  
“Thank you, sir.” I smiled. His hand was warm against mine, and I felt emotional at the thought that I wouldn’t get to touch him for a whole week.   
He gave me a tight smile and squeezed my hand before letting it go.   
“Have a good night. See you next week, Frank.” He said as he walked away, giving a half wave. I watched him go, feeling tears in my eyes. It was stupid, but I didn’t want to not talk to him. I didn’t even know why he’d asked. It was stupid. He was stupid.   
“C’mon Frankie. Let’s go.” Mom murmured, leading me to the car. I gave her a forced smile and nodded, turning back one more time to glance at Gerard, but he was already gone.


	57. Drunken Idiot

With no school, and more importantly no Gerard, for the next week, things got boring and tiresome really, really fast. The first few days I spent at home alone, mostly sulking and playing video games.   
Mom tried to convince me to go out and do stuff, but I was too stubborn and too sad, and a little bit angry, too. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense. A whole fucking week not speaking to him? That was ridiculous. I was half tempted to storm over to his house and demand he explain himself, but I didn’t. He’d probably accounted for the fact I might do that, and I’d end up being evicted from his house by Mikey.   
It’s not that I didn’t trust him, because I did. It was just hard not being able to talk to him.   
Halfway through the week, Joe invited me out with him and Chris, and I was only too happy for the distraction. We decided to go to the skate park, and although I personally was shit at skateboarding, Joe was pretty great at it, so me and Chris normally watched him and flirted shamelessly with anyone who stood near us, because for some reason, skater kids get really, really horny.   
My current conquest was a girl with long, white dreaded hair. She had a weird accent that I couldn’t place, and a nose piercing. I didn’t like girls, of course, but if I did, she’d be at the top of my list.   
She leaned against the fence, pretending to not look at me from under her too-large sunglasses.   
“It’s Fred, right?”  
“Frank.” I corrected her, shooting her a smile. She blushed, and I felt pride run through me.  
“Right. Frank. Do you skate?” she asked, gesturing her beer can to the ramp in front of us. I snorted, prying the can from her fingers and taking a long sip.  
“Uh, no. I don’t.” I shrugged.   
“Me neither. I just come here for the guys.” She chuckled, biting her lip. I leaned back, taking another chug of her beer, discarding the empty can on the floor, and holding my hand out for another one, even though it would be my sixth, and I knew should probably stop. She laughed and handed it to me.   
“Yeah?” I said finally, smirking at her. She shifted her weight onto one leg.  
“Yeah. Hot dudes come here.” She said lamely. I almost agreed with her, then caught myself. I was meant to be playing ‘straight’, after all.  
It was a game I didn’t really understand, but when I’d had this much beer, it was fun enough to play.   
“Hot dudes? So, like who?”   
“Like you.” She said confidently. I smiled, clicking my lip ring against my teeth, Gerard all but forgotten. I could blame it on the alcohol, or I could blame it on being angry at him, but I wasn’t thinking about him as ran my tongue along my bottom lip.   
“Yeah? Think I’m hot?” I smirked. She bit her lip and nodded. I curled an arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. Gay as I was, she was still a very pretty girl. I could have done worse. She wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning into me.   
“I wanna kiss you.” She sighed.   
“Do it.”   
She let out a soft whimper as she pressed her lips against mine. They were soft and warm, and when her tongue slid out to flick against mine, it tasted sweet. I held her hips, pushing her against the fence as we kissed, her lips hot and fast against mine as her hands tangled in my hair. I rubbed my hand softly along the inside of her thigh, and she moaned, her hand sliding down to grab my ass, holding me closer to her. I felt myself getting hard in my jeans, and rubbed my cock against her thigh.  
“Fuck me.” She breathed. I let out a sharp moan as I moved my hand to the wetness seeping through her shorts, rubbing her fast. She let out hot, breathy moans, biting my neck.   
“Shit, Frank!” I heard someone call behind me.   
“Mph? What?” I snapped. The person – Chris – grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from her.  
“Dude, what the fuck? Are you drunk?”  
“What? No.” I slurred. He raised his eyebrow.  
“What the fuck are you doing? What about Gerard?” he said, shaking me a little. At the mention of my boyfriend’s name, my heart sunk. I was awful. So fucking awful.  
“Who’s Gerard?” she asked. Chris clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.  
“His boyfriend. Who loves him a lot.” He said, shaking me again.   
“Oh. You have a boyfriend?” She asked, a little awkwardly. I shrugged.  
“Yeah. But I’m mad at him.”   
“Not cool, dude.” she sighed, shaking her head and walking away. I turned to Chris, who was looking at me in disgust.  
“You’re an asshole, Frank. Seriously, what the fuck? The dude loves you so much.”  
“Why doesn’t he want to see me or talk to me, then?” I retorted. Chris groaned.  
“I don’t know. But you know he has his reasons.”   
“I miss him.” I whimpered, leaning heavily against Chris.  
“Call him then. Actually, yeah. Call him now and tell him what you were just doing.” Chris snapped.  
“He told me not to.”  
“I think he’d like to hear this. Call him.” He demanded, crossing his arms expectantly. I groaned and pulled my phone out, dialing his number.   
He didn’t answer straight away, and was silent for a moment when he did.  
“Hello?” He asked uncertainly.  
“G’rard!” I said, gleeful at the sound of his voice.  
“Frankie, I thought I said-“  
“Missed you.”   
“I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry. I’ll explain it to you when I-“  
“I’m horny, Gerard. Lemme fuck you.” I said, biting my lip. Chris shut his eyes, burying his face in his hands.   
“Um…Frank?” Gerard asked slowly.   
“Yeah baby?”  
“Are you drunk? Have you been drinking?” he asked  
“Only a tiny tiny tiny bit.” I admitted. He made an exasperated noise.  
“Seriously? I leave you alone for not even a week and you get pissed?”  
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m fine.”  
“Who are you with?”  
“Joe and Chris. And some girl, but she’s gone now.”  
“Are they taking care of you?”  
“Chris is. Joe isn’t. The girl was but Chris told her I was dating you and she got mad and left.” I sighed. He paused for a moment, but I could hear him breathing.   
“What were you…who is the girl?”  
“I don’t know. Some hot chick who fucks skater dudes.”  
“Did she fuck you?” he asked, his voice soft, but I could detect the rage in it.  
“No! No, no. We didn’t fuck. We just made out a little.” I reassured him. He sucked in a breath.   
“Oh. I see. I didn’t realize you liked girls, Frank.” He snapped. I groaned in frustration.  
“I don’t! But I’m so _horny.”_ I complained. That was the point where he lost all of his composure.   
“That’s fucking great, Frank. You haven’t let me touch you in _weeks,_ and as soon as some little slut walks along, she can have you? She can touch you? I’m fucking horny too, Frank, but I don’t go fucking random girls.”   
“You’re- I mean…you’re…I thought you didn’t want sex. I didn’t realise that you’re…“  
“Desperate to get my cock in your ass? Yes. It’s driving me fucking crazy. Fuck. Where are you?”   
“S-skate park.” I stammered, suddenly afraid.  
“I’m coming to get you. And then I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit down for days.” He snarled, hanging up. I let the phone drop from my hand, and heard Chris groan distantly as he picked it up.   
“Well?” he asked.   
“H-he’s coming to get me.” I mumbled.   
“Was he mad?”  
“Fuming. I’ve…never heard him so angry.” I whispered. Though, that may not have been necessarily true. He’d been angry plenty of times before.   
“You deserve it.” Chris pointed out. He looked so genuinely disappointed in me that I couldn’t help but feel guilty. He shoved my phone into my hand and walked away. I sat down on the floor cross-legged, waiting for Gerard to arrive, and half wondering if he actually would, or if he was just threatening.

  
I got my answer a few minutes later when I saw his car pull up outside the park. He beeped the horn impatiently, and I staggered to my feet, still pretty drunk.   
I gave a halfhearted wave to Joe and Chris, who waved back, their disapproval prominent in their expression.   
It seemed like it took years to get to Gerard’s car, my legs shaking as I took each step. I had no idea what he’d be like.   
I opened the passenger door and slid in, not looking at him.   
“Frank.” He said harshly. I raised my eyes. He looked absolutely pissed.  
“G-Gerard. I’m so s-“ I began, but he cut me off by grabbing my face and kissing me hard. He dropped one hand down between my legs, rubbing at my cock. Discomfort ran through me, but I stayed still as he touched me, his lips furious and hard against mine.   
“You know the fucking safe word.” He snarled, moving his head and biting my neck, his hand still palming roughly at my cock.   
“Y-yes, Gee.” I whimpered.   
“Don’t fucking call me that.”  
“M-Mr. Way?” I asked gently.  
“Better.” He snapped. I moaned softly, rutting my hips against his hand. I was uncomfortable, but I was also curious. I wondered how long I could have him touch me before I needed to stop. He pushed away from me, panting.   
“Suck my cock. Now.” He demanded. I whimpered and moved to unzip his jeans, my breath coming in hard, heavy pants.   
“Hurry up, you fucking slut.” He hissed. I moaned as I finally unzipped his jeans. He raised his hips up and slid them down, along with his boxers.   
“Right here? Anyone could walk past, and I-“  
“Yes. Here. Do it.” He said, grabbing the back of my head. I whimpered and closed my lips around his cock, moaning softly as I tasted him. I’d missed this. I’d missed the hot, heavy weight of his cock on my tongue, and the salty, slightly bitter taste of his precum. He let out a loud moan, his head falling back against the seat as he thrust up into my mouth, his hand pushing my head up and down lazily as he fucked my face. I gripped his thighs softly, my nails biting into the soft flesh.   
“So good, slut. Made for sucking cock.” He panted, rolling his hips so his cock brushed along the back of my throat. I gagged, and he pulled me off for only a moment so I could breathe, before he brought my face back down onto him.  
“Prep yourself.” He gasped. I let out a deep moan as I moved my hands to my jeans, wiggling them down past my hips.   
He grabbed my hand and pulled it into his mouth, sucking lightly on my fingers, coating them in his saliva. I moaned heavily around his cock, and he bucked up into my mouth.   
He opened his mouth wide enough to let my hand fall out, and I immediately brought it to my ass, sliding my finger in slowly. I whimpered as I felt it slide in smoothly, with only a small amount of pain.   
“Yeah. Fuck yourself.” Gerard moaned, still thrusting mercilessly into my mouth. I whined and slid the other finger in, hissing in pain. I was taking it too fast, but I was drunk and horny and I _needed_ him. Now.   
“Slow down.” He murmured, stroking my hair affectionately, seeming to forget his rage. I ignored him, fucking myself harder and faster on my fingers, moaning around the dick buried in my throat. This was so, so good, and in my drunken state, the images of Bert barely bothered me.   
Gerard lifted my head up roughly.  
“Ready?” he asked. I nodded quickly and he grunted. I quickly shuffled to my knees and he put his hands on my hips, pulling me onto his lap. I kicked my jeans and boxers off all the way, and waited, panting, for him to slide into me.  
He glared at me for a moment, fire crackling in his hazel eyes, before he forced my hips down roughly onto his cock.   
“ _Shit_ ” I hissed in a mixture of pain and pleasure as he filled me up. He smirked.   
“The thing about girls, Frankie, is they don’t have massive cocks that can stretch you out.” He murmured, holding me tightly as he rolled his hips up into me. I gasped, grabbing onto his shoulders.  
“Sorry, Mr. Way. I’m sorry.” I whimpered, burying my face in his shoulder. He dug his nails roughly into my hips, fucking up into me.  
“You will be.” He growled. I was acutely aware of the fact that people walking past might be able to see us, but as Gerard pounded aggressively into my ass, I didn’t care. I tangled my hands in his hair, holding myself even closer to him.   
“You’re gonna be good for me from now on, aren’t you?” he snarled, biting my neck. I whimpered and nodded.   
“Yes, Mr. Way.” I breathed. He whimpered and fucked up into me faster, his cock slamming into my prostate.   
“C-can I cum? _Please_.” I begged. He smirked.  
“I intend for you to cum. I’m gonna make you cum harder than you’ve ever cum before, just from fucking you.” He hissed, and I moaned loudly, resting my head against his forehead.   
“Please. Please.” I breathed as he clawed at my back.   
It was overwhelming. His cock slamming deep inside me, hitting my prostate on almost every thrust, his mouth biting and sucking at my neck, his hands scratching my back and hips.   
I barely had time to warn him before I came, the clear-white liquid shooting out, coating his sweat-slick chest. I curled into him, and he slowed his thrusts down, rocking into me almost lazily, his hand combing through my hair.   
The only sign I had of him finishing was the gentle “ah” noise he gave, before relaxing, pulling me tighter into his arms.   
“Gerard, I-“  
“Don’t. Just. It’s fine. How are you? Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded silently.  
“I’m fine. I’m kinda…I’m sort of drunk.” I admitted. He rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah. I got that. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you on Saturday. Don’t do anything stupid, alright?” he said, lifting me off of him unceremoniously. I gaped at him.   
“W-what?” I stammered. He slid his jeans back up, not looking at me. I hesitantly pulled my own clothes back on, my eyes focused on him.   
“I have my reasons for most of the things I do, Frank. If I tell you not to contact me for a week, I expect you to stick to it. I certainly don’t expect you to get drunk and start making out with random girls. Do you understand?”  
“Y-yes. But why-“  
“I have my reasons.”  
“Tell me them.” I demanded. He glared at me.   
“I don’t think you’re in any position to tell me what to do. But, if it’s gonna stop you from being a whiny little bitch, I wanted to see if we could do it.” He admitted with a sigh.  
“Huh?”  
“Well. It’s just…I don’t know. When you move away, there will be days where we won’t have time to talk at all, and I needed to know that we could do that and be okay. But you know. Apparently not.” He muttered. I chewed my lip.   
“Gerard, I’m-“  
He cut me off by reaching past me and opening my door.   
“See you on Saturday.” He snapped. I groaned and slid out of the car.   
“I love you.” I breathed. He glanced at me, then leaned forward and slammed the door shut. I stepped back from the curb just in time before he sped off down the road.   
Well shit. Shit, shit, shit.


	58. Lights and glitter (OR: 'The Prom Chapter')

The next few days were even more difficult than the ones before them. Partly because I woke up on the Wednesday morning with a really, really sore ass that lasted the rest of the week, but mainly because I knew he was actually mad at me now. Before I was just…frustrated. But now I was terrified. I considered calling or texting him, but I knew that would just make him angrier.   
Instead, and as always, I turned to plan B. I texted Mikey.

 

**TO: mikeyway**

**(3:45am)**

Is he mad at me? Like. Does he hate me? Is he gonna dump me?

 

**FROM: mikeyway**

**(7:55am)**

Dude. Chill.

 

When that fell through, and he started ignoring my messages too, I just tried to distract myself again.  
Unsurprisingly, Joe and Chris didn’t invite me out again, but they both texted frequently to make sure I was okay, so I knew that they weren’t _too_ mad at me. That was a relief. At least I’d have someone to turn to when Gerard left me.   
I sucked in a breath at the thought. _If. If_ he left me. I couldn’t get myself worked up.

 

Despite all of my insecurities, I was still pretty excited when prom rolled around. Sure, I wasn’t really into the whole ‘dance’ thing, but I was definitely into the whole ‘making sure the love of my life isn’t mad at me and isn’t going to break my heart in front of the whole school’ thing.   
I doubted, of course, that he’d actually do it at prom; he was many things, but he wasn’t ever really (intentionally) cruel. He was also a bit of a sucker for these things, so I deduced that he’d probably at least let me enjoy tonight. It would give me an opportunity to assess his behavior though, to see if he was ignoring me.  
Gerard had a habit of wearing himself on his sleeve. It was both a blessing and a curse.

 

I was unsure, to be honest, of the terms of my agreement with Gerard. Did it mean that I could text him on Saturday, or not at all until I actually saw him at prom?   
The next question, of course, is did I actually _want_ to talk to him? He was pretty mad the last time I’d seen him, and although the sex had been amazing, I knew it wasn’t meant to be pleasurable – he was proving a point.   
Despite this, I was actually sort of proud of myself, in a weird way. We’d done stuff – fuck, we’d actually had _sex,_ and I’d been mostly okay with it.   
Granted, I was pissed, but maybe I was onto something there. Alcohol might actually help.  
I shooed the thought away as soon as it formed properly. I couldn’t think like that, or I’d end up like Gerard – or worse, Mikey.

I shivered as I considered it, pulling on my clothes. I felt slightly ridiculous. My school was being _very_ insistent on the whole ‘dress formally’ thing, meaning that I pretty much had to shove myself into a tuxedo, and actually comb my hair. I couldn’t even wear my lip ring, which was bullshit.   
Mom told me, maybe fifty million times, that I looked ‘absolutely gorgeous’ and ‘adorable’ and that ‘Cameron is gonna love you, baby’.   
I just rolled my eyes and waited for Joe to come pick me up.   
“Why isn’t Cam coming to get you? Aren’t you going together?” Mom asked, just as Joe texted me telling me he’d arrived. I chewed my lip.  
“Ah. Yeah, he’s not feeling well.” I shrugged. She furrowed her eyebrows.  
“I haven’t seen him around lately.”  
“Yeah, I mean I go to his place a lot.” I said, my voice shaking. She shrugged.  
“Maybe invite him over sometime.” She suggested. I nodded weakly, calling out a ‘goodbye’ as I made my way outside and into Joe’s car.   
Some people, I’d heard, were showing up in Limos, but thankfully, none of my friends, or I, were absolute assholes, so Joe’s beat up car was good enough for us.  
As we pulled up, I spotted Gerard’s car in the parking lot, and swallowed hard, feeling slightly hurt that he hadn’t even messaged me to tell me he was here.   
I reassured myself, though, by telling myself that he was probably busy. He was, after all, chaperoning. He couldn’t spend his whole time talking to me (although, he could make an effort to spend _some_ of it talking to me).

The guys hadn’t actually spoken much to me during the whole journey, and I sighed.   
“Are you guys really mad at me for the other day?”   
“Yes. That was fucking stupid, Frank.” Chris grumbled.   
“Yeah, man. Not cool.” Joe agreed. I threw my hands in the air.   
“He got me back, didn’t he? It’s not like he didn’t get his revenge.”  
“I don’t think sex quite counts as revenge.” Chris muttered, undoing his seatbelt. I rolled my eyes.   
“You weren’t there.” I said, sliding out of the car. I didn’t miss the look they shared, and groaned internally. They were going to be like this all night, I just knew it.   
Not wanting them to ruin the entire night for me, I walked ahead of them.   
“Frank, c’mon. Don’t be like that!” Joe called after me, but I ignored him, desperate to see Gerard.   
I pushed the doors of the hall open and breathed out in dissatisfaction.   
The room looked great, admittedly, and from the blurred outlines that I could see in the dim light, the people all looked gorgeous too.   
The only problem was that I couldn’t see Gerard. Granted, I’d barely stepped into the room, but I normally had a knack for being able to spot him pretty fast.   
Assuming he was just in the bathroom or whatever, I walked into the hall, looking around me properly. It was decorated with blue and pink everything: balloons, streamers, table cloths, posters, lights. You name it, we probably had it. Rather than looking tacky, however, it actually looked pretty cool – not that I’d ever actually admit that, of course.   
The one thing I thought was cooler about this dance than the Halloween one, was that the bar was much, much bigger, and the drinks were free.   
Seeing as I couldn’t find my (possibly ex) boyfriend anywhere, and I was avoiding my friends, I decided to approach the bar first.   
I felt a wave of déjà-vu at the action, and chuckled a little bit to myself – it was crazy how much had changed in such a small amount of time.   
The bartender (the school actually hired a real one this time, rather than just a cafeteria lady) poured me my drink and handed it to me, and I accepted with a gracious smile.   
I knew Gerard would probably get mad if he saw me drinking, especially considering what had happened last time, but I found it difficult to care as I tipped back whatever it was that had been served to me when I’d said “surprise me”.   
It tasted kind of bitter, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I was almost upset that I hadn’t got the name of it.   
“I never knew you to be much of a drinker.”   
A voice said from behind me. Not his voice, though. Cameron’s.   
I turned around and sighed, swallowing the last of the drink, resting my weight  on one hip.   
“Yeah, well.” I said, fluttering a hand dismissively. He didn’t move, so I assumed he was trying to engage me in conversation. Awesome.   
“So, who did you come here with?” I asked. He chuckled.  
“Nobody.”  
“Oh.”  
“It’s fine. I’m not into anyone from our school anyway. Too much drama.” He said with a light smile. I chuckled.   
“Yeah, I feel that.” I agreed solemnly. Cameron tilted his head.  
“Trouble in paradise?”  
“What gives you that impression?” I asked, maybe harsher than I meant to.   
“Well, you’re not with him.” He pointed out.  
“I can’t even fucking _see_ him.” I complained, gesturing widely to the hall. Cameron shrugged.   
“Yeah, but, I mean you know what he’s wearing.”   
“No I don’t.” I contradicted. He raised his eyebrows, a small smile spreading across his face.  
“Seriously? He didn’t tell you?” he asked, amused. It just pissed me off more.  
“What? No. Why?” I demanded. He laughed, covering his mouth with his hand.  
“No way, dude. I’m letting you find that one out on your own.” He said, shaking his head.  
“Fuck. Fine. Can you let him know that I’m looking for him, if you see him?” I snapped. He nodded.  
“Oh yeah. I definitely will.” He beamed, giving me a half wave as he walked away. I sniffed and leaned against the wall, sipping my drink with an air of disgruntlement. I let my eyes rake the hall for him, and groaned in frustration when I couldn’t find him.   
I supposed, in a way, I should have been almost grateful that I couldn’t see him. After all, he couldn’t break up with me if he couldn’t see me. That was a plus; my relationship was still lasting for each second that I was an unobservant idiot.   
I scanned the room again and froze.   
I thought I’d seen him. If he was the person I’d just seen, it’d explain Cameron’s reaction. It would explain why I hadn’t seen him earlier, and it would certainly explain why he hadn’t come over to speak to me yet.   
I let my eyes slide back onto them, just as they turned around, a small smirk on their lips.  
Yeah. That was him. There’s nobody else it could have been, because nobody else, on the whole damn planet, would have come to prom _in drag._

When I say that my boyfriend, English teacher and love of my life was ‘in drag’, I don’t mean that he was wearing eyeliner. I mean he was in a fucking dress and heels, with a full face of makeup. My jaw dropped as I stared at him, and I couldn’t deny that _damn,_ he looked so good. The dress hugged his ass just right, his smooth (holy shit, _smooth)_ legs were exposed from the top of the thigh down. If a girl had worn that dress, she’d have been sent home. I was sure of it.   
But this wasn’t some girl, this was Gerard fucking Way, and he looked irresistible, and he was fucking ignoring me now that he knew I’d seen him. Awesome.   
I watched the reaction of the people around him, and noticed that not one of them looked even remotely bothered by his choice in apparel. I put this down to him being both feminine and unpredictable. What I did notice, though, was that there were a lot of people looking at him the same way I was. And that just wasn’t cool.   
Finishing my drink to get confidence, I strode across the hall, stopping when I was a few feet behind him. I could hear the soft rumble of his voice, and his gentle laugh. I sucked in a breath.  
“Mr. Way.” I said softly, a tight smile on my face. He didn’t turn around.   
“Hello, Frank. Can I help?” he asked, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. The teacher he’d been talking to looked vaguely irritated, but I ignored this.  
“I just wanted to say hello. Seeing as I haven’t seen you yet.” I said pointedly. He actually turned around at this, an amused smile playing around his lips.   
“Well. You’re seeing me now.”  
“You look interesting tonight, sir.” I said, raising my eyebrows. He ran a hand through his hair.  
“I thought I looked pretty good, Frank.”   
“I can’t say I disagree.” I said, knowing that I was pushing the barriers.   
“Well. I appreciate that. I’m assuming you haven’t worked it out yet?”  
“Worked what out?”  
“Right. When you think of it, come find me.” He said curtly, turning back around. I stared at him, dumbfounded, as he just continued his conversation. I hovered for a moment before walking away, frustrated.   
I considered going to the bar, but I didn’t want to give Gerard any more reason to not speak to me, so instead I sought out my friends.   
They were laughing about something, but stopped when I came over.   
“What?” I snapped. Joe’s eyes twinkled.  
“You’re so fucking unobservant, Frank.” He sighed.   
“I thought you guys were pissed off at me.”  
“We were. But watching you get embarrassed by Mr Way like that? Worth it. You’re forgiven, dude.” Chris laughed.   
“Awesome. Fucking, awesome. I want to go home.” I said with a pout.   
“Can’t. Gotta work it out.” Joe reminded me. That was the last straw.   
“Work what out? What the fuck is it that everybody knows that I don’t know? Fuck! I’m a fucking _adult_. This is fucking childish.” I cried. Both of them gave me matching amused grins.   
“Holy shit, can you stop looking at me like that? I want to go home. I don’t need to be here anymore. I don’t need to see any of these assholes ever again, and I certainly don’t need to talk to that motherfucker anymore. He’s not my teacher anymore, right? I never have to see his stupid, smug little face ever again.”  
“You love him.” Chris pointed out, nearly squealing with laughter. I groaned.   
“So what? So fucking what?” I sighed.   
“So, you’ve already worked it out, you dumb fuck.”  
“Huh?”  
“Christ, Frank, come on. Fucking _think_. You know already, you just need to…I don’t know. Connect the dots.” Chris prompted.  
“And do it fast, ‘cause Anna’s taking the opportunity from you.” Joe said. I spun on my heel and groaned. He was fucking _dancing_ with her.   
His hands were on her hips, hers around his neck, and I watched as she batted her eyelashes and laughed. I couldn’t see his face, but I imagined it probably matched hers. I felt sick.   
“What the fuck? He can do it with her, and not with me? I don’t understand!” I cried, tears of anger and frustration filling my eyes.   
“Holy fucking shit, Frank. He _can_ do it with you! You already said it!” Joe almost screamed.   
Oh.   
I got it.   
“H-he’s not my teacher anymore.”  
“Fuck! He’s got it!” Joe cried.   
“So…it’s not illegal.”  
“Almost there, kiddo.” Chris sighed, exhausted.   
“So I can go over there and-“  
“Fuck him against the wall. Whatever. Can you just go do it?” Joe snapped. I laughed, almost hysterically.   
“Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.” I giggled ecstatically.   
“Anna’s gonna dry hump your boyfriend.” Chris reminded me. I nodded and turned, almost running across the floor (but not, of course).   
I stood behind him again, but this time I put my hands on his hips. He stopped moving with Anna, and she looked at him with disappointment.   
“Hello again, Frank.” He said, amused.   
“Gerard.” I breathed. His breath hitched.   
“Anna, can we-“  
“Seriously?” she snapped. Gerard chuckled.  
“He’ll bring me back.” He assured her.  
“I probably won’t, actually.” I pointed out. He turned around and beamed at me, before facing her again, dropping his hands from her waist.  
“It’s been nice talking to you, Anna. We’ll talk later, perhaps.” He said, assuming his ‘teacher’ voice. She pouted.  
“That’s not _fair_.” She cried. He laughed.   
“I’m so sorry, Anna, I really wish I could even pretend to give a shit.” He chuckled.   
“Don’t be mean.” I murmured, squeezing his hips. He cleared his throat.   
“Later.” He said to her, almost like a promise. I promise I knew he didn’t intend on keeping. She rolled her eyes and stomped off, and I curled my arms around his waist.   
“You worked it out.”  
“That we’re not illegal anymore? Yeah. I got it”  
“Did they tell you?”  
“No.” I muttered. He spun around in my arms, grinning.   
“Good. Oh, God, Frankie. You’re mine. All mine.” He sighed, stroking my cheek. I leaned into his hand, biting my lip.  
“You look beautiful, Gee.” I sighed.   
“I wanted you to say that. I wanted you to want me.” He said, his voice taking on a husky edge. I pursed my lips.   
“I do. I do want you.”   
“I figured that, since you like girls now-“ He teased, resting his hand on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his waist.  
“I don’t dance.” I murmured, seeing where he was going. He rocked his hips lightly.  
“Me neither. I just want to hold you.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around my neck.   
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.”   
“Oh, fuck, Gerard. Fuck. You’re so-“  
“You too.”  
“I can’t wait until we can-“  
“I fucking know”  
“I’m going to-“  
“Yeah. So hard. Please.”  
“Until you can’t fucking walk.”  
“Please.” He breathed. I smiled, chewing my lip as we rocked to the music.   
“Won’t you get in trouble for this?” I pointed out. He considered that for a moment, then shrugged.   
“I don’t know. I don’t care, either. I’ve been waiting all year for this.”  
“But your job-“  
“I don’t know if I want it anymore.”  
“Gee?”  
“Later, okay?” He whispered, brushing his lips against my cheek. I nodded and sighed.   
The music seemed to move around us, as did everybody else. It was one of those horribly, disgusting cliché things, where it was as if we were in our own bubble – nobody could see in, and we couldn’t see out. We were separated from everybody by a pane of glass.   
Vaguely, I considered that everybody might find this a bit weird, but it was only a passing thought. I didn’t care what anybody thought, I just wanted him. I always wanted him.   
He smiled a little, and I wondered what he was thinking. I didn’t ask though, I just smiled back at him.   
After some time, though, the curiosity got the better of me.  
“What is it?” I asked, smiling. He chewed his lip.   
“If I tell you something, you have to stay very, very calm.” He murmured, his lips brushing the shell of my ear.  
“Okay.” I replied weakly. He smirked.  
“Everybody is staring at us.” He breathed. I didn’t take my eyes off of his long enough to check – I just took his word for it.   
“Oh.” I murmured, feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks. He chewed his lip, his eyes dark.   
“I love it. I love that they can see us. I can finally show everybody who you belong to.” He all but growled.  
“Gerard, they’re looking.” I whispered. He stopped his movements, sliding his hand down to entwine with mine on his hip. His other hand, he used to cup my cheek softly.   
“If they’re watching, maybe we should give them a show. How about it, Frankie?”  
“Gerard.” I said sternly. He giggled.  
“C’mon, Frank. Let’s give ‘em something to stare at.” He purred, pulling me in closer.  
“Like what?” I whispered, my heart hammering. He bit his lip, his eyes darting around the room, before he kissed me.

 

It was like that movement broke our bubble. I was suddenly aware of all the eyes on me, even as mine slid shut. I could feel them, piercing into me. The music still played, but the room seemed oddly silent as his lips starting moving slowly against mine.   
The most surprising thing, though, was that I kissed him back. Even knowing we were being watched, even knowing that this could end drastically wrong. I kissed him because he was finally fucking mine. For real now. No hiding, no being ashamed. The man I was unbearably in love with was finally mine in every way.   
He sucked in a deep breath, his other hand coming to hold my face as I pulled him in closer by the waist. His lips were urgent, almost desperate against mine.   
“Gee.” I breathed. He panted, his lips hovering an inch away from mine.   
“Fuck.” He whispered, a gentle smile stretching across his face. Our eyes flickered open and we looked at each other, smiling. We did it. Fuck. We did it.   
“Fucking _finally”_ someone groaned, and suddenly, the music wasn’t the only noise anymore. The hall slowly filled with voices, and I couldn’t tell if they were all talking about us, but knowing that even some of them were was enough. He stroked my cheek with his thumb, laughing softly.  
“Well. Oops.” He said, smiling warmly. I blushed and buried my face into his chest. I felt the low rumble of his chest as he laughed, wrapping his arms back around my waist, his hand rubbing my back soothingly.   
“That was stupid, Gerard.” I heard someone sigh. I didn’t bother raising my head.   
“Oh, come on. Nobody cares.”  
“Maybe not, but you still have to be careful. You can’t just go gallivanting around, dressing in drag and kissing students.”  
“Okay, sorry. I won’t do it ever again.” He said, and I smiled at the pure sass he was serving.   
“You’re an asshole, Way.” Whoever it was laughed. He was silent after that, so I assumed they’d walked away. I lifted my head to confirm it, and smiled when I saw him looking down at me affectionately.  
“That was crazy. That was-“  
“Perfect? Yeah. I know. I think…we’re okay as long as nobody thinks we’ve been dating this whole time.”  
“Which we have.”  
“Yes.” He giggled. I leaned up and kissed his cheek.   
“I’m so in love with you, Gerard Way.” I said earnestly.   
“Frank. My Frank. How did I ever get you?” he asked softly. I shrugged.  
“I guess you’ve just got a way with the guys.” I teased. He kissed me gently.   
“I guess I do.” He agreed, biting his lip.   
We were silent after that, letting ourselves move slowly to the music. He brushed my hair out of my face and smiled fondly.

“You don’t look like you, Frankie. You look all-“  
“Nice?”  
“Yeah. I like it. I like you wearing a suit. It…”  
“What, baby?” I purred, knowing where he was going with this. His hands tightened on me.   
“It makes you look like you could be my Daddy.” He murmured, blushing.  
“I am your Daddy, remember, Gee? And when we go back to your place, I’m gonna prove it.” I smirked. He sucked in a breath.   
“You’re such a tease.” He murmured, leaning down to press another kiss to my lips, which I accepted hungrily. Now that I had the option of kissing him in front of everyone, I never wanted it to stop. He pulled away gently, but I wasn’t happy with that; I curled my hand around his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss. He chuckled and kissed me back, deeper, his lips sliding over mine, his hands tightening on my hips, pulling me closer. I could feel the outline of his cock, showing slightly through his skirt. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Maybe wearing a skirt that tight was a mistake, Gee.” I teased. He rolled his cock against me and whimpered.  
“Was it, baby?” he breathed huskily, smirking. I laughed giddily, burying my face in his chest again as I grinned.   
“What?” he laughed. I shook my head, looking back up at him.  
“I’m so happy, Gee. So, so happy.”  
“Me too. You’re my whole world.” He sighed, stroking my hair.   
“This is perfect. I don’t even care if we get in trouble.”  
“Me neither. Oh, God, Frank.” He moaned, leaning in for yet another kiss. I didn’t ever want to stop kissing him, it was like I needed him to breathe. His hands slid to my ass, squeezing me and pulling me closer simultaneously. I gasped and curled my hand up in his hair, gripping the thick, black hair as I held him to me, my tongue sliding into his mouth.  
“Gerard. Can I have a word?” came a strict voice from next to us.

 

We broke apart, blushing furiously as Mr. Tucker stared down at Gerard. Gerard glanced at me nervously, then at him.   
“O-of course.” He stammered. Neither of them even looked at me as they walked away. I stared after them, feeling my heart pounding in my chest, until I couldn’t see them anymore.   
To distract myself from the fear that was curling in my stomach, I found Chris and Joe. For once, they weren’t actually together, but were with girls. Actual girls. I nodded, impressed, and approached Chris – knowing he’d be able to shine more light on the situation than Joe could.   
He grinned when he saw me coming, gesturing wildly to the girl on his arm. Honestly, I couldn’t recognize her, but she was pretty enough.   
“Dude!” I said, giving him a high-five. He smiled and winked at her, and she blushed. I was, admittedly, quite taken aback that someone was actually interested in Chris. Not that there was anything overtly wrong with him, of course, it had just never happened before.  
“So. You and Mr. Way, huh?” he said, raising his eyebrow. The girl giggled.  
“That was crazy. Did you guys plan that?” she asked shyly. She was being very respectful about it, and I took an instant liking to her.  
“Ah, no. We didn’t. I mean, I didn’t know it was going to happen.” I shrugged, smiling.   
“It was so cool. Everybody’s talking about it.”   
“Ah, really?” I chuckled, embarrassed.   
“Yeah. I, ah. It was pretty hot. I thought you guys were gonna start…um…”  
“Fucking. Right there.” Chris finished for her, giving her a fond smile. I snorted.   
“What? No way. It wasn’t that dirty.” I argued. He raised an eyebrow.  
“Yes it was. It was like free porn, dude. Which sounds good, but it…wasn’t.” he said, shivering. I laughed lightly.  
“It was so good, Chris. God.” I said, running a hand through my hair, grinning like an idiot. Despite the fact that Gerard could be getting in trouble right now, I felt so buzzed and proud at what we had done. Not to mention that it was hot as fuck.   
“Where is he?” Chris asked. I sighed.  
“Mr. Tucker wanted to talk to him.” I muttered.  
“Dude, that’s-“  
“Bad. Yeah, I know. I hope I didn’t get him in trouble.” I sighed.   
“Well, it wasn’t really your fault.” The girl piped up. I raised an eyebrow quizzically.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, it was kinda clear that he kissed you. He started it, you know? So, I guess you didn’t get him in trouble.” She said in a way that I supposed was supposed to be comforting.   
“Yeah, I guess so.” I shrugged. She giggled.  
“It was so hot though, Frank.” She reiterated. I laughed.   
“Thanks, uh-“  
“Beth.” She smiled. I grinned back at her.   
“Well, thanks. I mean…I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” I giggled. I felt firm, warm hands on my hips, and smiled.   
“Are you talking about me, Frank?” Gerard murmured, his lips brushing my ear. I smiled, leaning back into his touch.   
“Maybe.” I teased. Beth was staring at us with wide eyes. Chris just looked vaguely nauseated. He kissed my neck, his thumbs sliding into the waistband of my pants.  
“Gerard.” I hissed. He chuckled.   
“Sorry. You’re just so…fuck. So sexy, Frankie.” He purred, rolling his cock up into my ass. Beth looked like she was going to actually pass out, her eyes impossibly wide with shock.   
“Not here, okay? You’ll get in trouble again.” I said firmly. He laughed.   
“I don’t think I care.”  
“What happened?” I asked, leaning my head back onto his shoulder. He sighed, wrapping his arms around my waist.   
“It doesn’t matter. We can discuss it later.” He said. I nodded, turning so I was facing him.   
“Okay. Are you having fun?” I asked, smiling softly. He grinned, kissing me.  
“Yeah. The best.” He chuckled, running his hands up my sides.  
“We’re gonna have even more fun later.” I told him causally. He widened his eyes, his grin spreading across his face.   
“What? Gonna fuck me, Frank?” he purred.  
“Jesus Christ, stop!” Chris begged. I turned around and laughed.   
“No, don’t stop!” Beth said with the same desperation. Gerard giggled.  
“I have no intention of stopping.”   
“You guys aren’t actually going to fuck though, are you?” she asked, her eyes wide. Chris chuckled, shaking his head.  
“Y’know, Beth. They probably will.”   
“I’m game. Mr Way?” I asked, batting my eyelashes. He shrugged.  
“Yep. I’m up for it.” He replied, as if we hadn’t done it a million times already.   
The poor girl looked like she was going to faint.

 

The rest of the prom passed more or less without incident. Gerard couldn’t spend the whole time with me, because he had an actual job to be doing, so we were confined to making bedroom eyes at each other from across the hall. It was upsetting in a way, like I’d just got him only to have him taken away again.   
I had a good time nonetheless, and was almost sorry by the time the night ended.   
Almost, however, is the prominent word.  
I wasn’t particularly sorry when, following a very tense car ride home, I was being slammed against Gerard Way’s bedroom door. Nor was I sorry at all when he started undoing my belt as he pushed me into the room.   
“Fuck, Frank.” He growled, his hands moving to the zipper on his dress.  
“No! Keep it on. Keep it on.” I begged, pushing my pants and boxers off. He whimpered and nodded, instead just reaching up and pulling his panties off, kicking his heels away from him.   
“Tonight was so fucking perfect.” He panted, pulling me into his arms, kissing anywhere he could reach as he walked me backwards towards the bed, barely noticing as we toppled over, ending up with him leaning over me.   
“Gerard. Sit on my cock right the fuck now or I swear I’ll-“  
“Not gonna prep me first, Daddy?” he teased, reaching under the bed for his lube. I groaned as I pulled my shirt off, leaning up to kiss him again.   
“Fine.” I grumbled. He tossed me the bottle, and I squeezed some onto my fingers, moving straight away to massage his asshole.  
“Fuck.” He moaned, gripping the bedsheets as I slowly worked my first finger in. He bit his lip, arching his back.  
“Are you – oh, fuck – are you okay? To do this, I mean?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.  
“I think I’m good.” I laughed. He wrapped his hand experimentally around my cock, giving it two smooth strokes.  
“Sure?”  
“Keep doing that.” I panted, fucking him on my finger. He grinned and jerked me off slowly, his eyes wide and on me. He licked his lips hungrily, rolling his hips back into my finger – a silent plea that I recognized only too well. I grinned and slid another finger in. He closed his eyes and moaned, his hand tightening on my cock.   
“Can’t wait for you to fuck me. Want you.” He moaned loudly. I wasn’t sure if Mikey was home, but if he was, he could almost definitely hear us.   
Gerard squeezed some of the lube onto my cock, and I hissed at the cold sensation.   
“I’m gonna, fuck it, I’m gonna ride you now.” He mumbled. I chewed my lip, burying both my fingers into his ass.  
“Honey? Are you sure?”  
“Frank, fuck me. Just fuck me.” He whispered. I pulled my fingers out slowly, never taking my eyes off him, and moved up the bed a little. I stroked my cock, spreading the lube around more. He kneeled over me, pulling my face in for a kiss.  
“Mine. All fucking mine.” He breathed, kissing me deeper. I nodded, holding onto his hips. He grinned against my mouth as he held onto my shoulder, slowly lowering himself down onto me. His lip trembled.   
“A-ah. Ah.” He breathed as I stretched him out. His mouth formed a smooth, lazy smile.  
“Gettin’ too big for me, Frankie.” He teased. I rolled my eyes and helped him as he slid down onto me. As I bottomed out, I pulled his head into a kiss.  
“Been wanting to fuck you all night. Such a pretty girl, Gee. Daddy’s gorgeous girl.” I purred, clenching the hem of his dress in my fist. He made a light, fluttery noise and rocked down impatiently. I dug my nails into his thick thighs as I rolled up into him, watching with delight as he moaned, his eyebrows knitting together.   
“Fuck me, Daddy. Fuck me.” He panted. I moaned as he tangled his hands in my hair, bouncing deliciously on my cock.  
“I’ve missed this so much. I’ve missed fucking you.” I breathed. He let out a soft gasp and nodded in agreement.   
“S’okay. Fuck me now. Make up for it.” Gerard moaned, leaning in and wrapping his arms around my neck.   
I kissed him hard, tasting sweat on his lips, and smiled as broken sobs erupted from his lips.   
“Close, baby?” I murmured. He nodded, tangling his hand in my hair.   
I curled my hand around his cock, stroking him firmly. He moaned, arching his hips up, then rolling them back down to meet my cock.   
“C’mon, Gee. Cum for me, baby.” I whispered, kissing his neck.   
Almost as if on command, he let out a cry, and I felt his cock twitch in my hand as he came, the hot white liquid shooting onto my hand and chest. He let out a soft whimper of defeat, and I grinned at him.   
“Lie on your back.” I murmured.   
He braced himself on either side of me as he lifted himself up, wincing slightly, and lay down, staring up at me.  
“Daddy?” He breathed. I smirked, straddling him as I jerked myself off quickly, my eyes intense on his.  
He looked so beautiful, lying there all submissive and open, so desperate even after he’d already cum.   
I felt my orgasm building in the pit of my stomach, tightening like someone was pulling a wrench. I let out a relieved cry as it came loose, shooting cum over Gerard’s chest, his stomach, his face. He mewled happily, smiling as I painted him, and apparently not bothered about the dress I was ruining.  
“Fuck, Gee.” I breathed, collapsing next to him. He pulled me into his arms, and I let him, despite how sticky and gross he was.   
He kissed my forehead.   
“I love you, Frankie.”  
“And I love you.” I smiled. He chewed his lip, frowning slightly.  
“What is it?” I asked warily. He sighed.  
“I…ah, I got fired.” He admitted softly. I sat up straight, eyes bugging out.   
“You…what? Because of me?” I asked, my heart racing. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening.   
He smiled.  
“Well. Not really. Mr. Tucker wanted to talk to me about what we did, yes. He was angry that I’d done it, and told me that I should be more careful. I guess it would have been fine, but I started arguing with him. I said that you’re 18, and you’re not my student, so I can do what I want, and he said that no, I couldn’t. So I called him an oppressive shit monkey, and that’s when I got fired.”   
“Gerard. Baby. I’m so sorry.” I whispered, stroking his cheek. He shrugged.  
“I don’t know if I’m upset. It was getting sort of…old. I’ve been a teacher for almost 10 years. I think it’s time to move on.”  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s not good to do the same thing for too long, Frank. Especially not for someone like me. I need change. The only constant in my life is change.”  
“Like a change in partner?” I asked softly. He smiled and kissed me gently.  
“No. Never that. You’re exceptional, remember?” he breathed.   
“I hope you always feel like that.”  
“I will. Always.” He whispered, stroking my cheek. Although I felt guilt choking me like a vice, and a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, I was overwhelmed with the notion that yeah, maybe we’d be okay. Maybe he was going to be okay.   
That’s what I needed, after all. It’s what I’ve always needed; for that motherfucker to be _okay._


	59. Our Hearts

Gerard woke me up by pressing soft, warm kisses to my neck. It should have been nice, but I was exhausted from the night before, so I just grumbled at him to ‘fuck off’, and rolled over.   
I heard him chuckle, and felt his hands wrap around me, pulling me to him. I had to admit, the warmth was nice.   
Everything about cuddling with Gerard was nice.   
“C’mon, Frankie. I know you’re awake.” He murmured, nuzzling his face into my hair.  
“No. I’m sleeping. Go away.” I mumbled, curling my legs up. He sighed.  
“At least turn over so I can cuddle you properly.” He mumbled. I giggled.  
“No.”  
“You’re a bitch.” He groaned, rolling onto his back. He seemed genuinely upset, so I rolled over, intent on apologizing, and narrowed my eyes when I saw him grinning smugly at me.  
“Oh. You asshole.”   
“Well. Now that you’re here.” He grinned, holding his arms out to me. I rolled my eyes, but wiggled into his arms anyway; secretly pleased as he held me close to his chest.   
At some point, he’d taken his dress off, so he was completely naked. I smiled at the makeup and was smeared across his face.   
“You look like a whore.” I said with a teasing smile. He chuckled, kissing me gently.  
“I am a whore.”  
“You really are, Gerard. Holy shit.” I giggled. He shrugged, brushing my hair absent-mindedly.   
“Yeah, well. You don’t care.”  
“I don’t.” I agreed. He looked at me with fondness for a few moments, before capturing my lips again, his thumb stroking my cheek.   
“I’m gonna have trouble letting you go to Canada without me. Hell, I’m gonna have trouble letting you out of this bed.” He murmured with a soft smile.   
“We don’t have to get out of bed.” I pointed out. He raised his eyebrows, an amused smile playing on his lips.  
“Well, technically, as it’s a Sunday, I shouldn’t even be seeing you.”   
“Aw, Gee.” I pouted. He poked my cheek, pushing all the air out through my lips, before pulling me closer to him, nuzzling his face into my hair.   
“I’m not in any rush to let you leave. Not ever.”   
“Well, why don’t you do something to make me stay?” I said, my lip trembling. He furrowed his eyebrows.  
“Frankie?”  
“Why don’t you ask me to stay. Y’know. Properly.” I prompted.   
It took him a moment to realize what I meant, but I saw it in his face immediately when he did.   
“I didn’t know you cared so much about that.” He murmured, his face flushing.   
“Of course I care. I want to be yours, always. Just ask.” I breathed. He loosened his arms around me, turning his head to the wall.   
“I…not now, okay?” he mumbled. I felt rejection hit me in the stomach like a train.   
“You don’t want me.” I murmured. He turned to face me slowly, his expression unreadable.   
“I do. I do want you, and I’m going to ask you properly. But I can’t do that right now, Frankie. It’s not the right time.” He said regretfully. I sat up, looking at him with deep scrutiny. What the fuck?  
“You’re running out of time, Gerard.” I snapped.   
“I know, but I’m not asking now. End of conversation, Frank. I mean it.” He snarled. I was taken aback by his aggression. It was out of character, even for him.   
He rolled out of bed, walking to his wardrobe and throwing on some sweatpants, not looking at me the whole time.   
Timidly, I reached for my boxers from the night before, sliding them over my hips as I watched him.   
“Why? Just tell me why. Why not now? You know I’ll say yes.” I said softly. Gerard smacked his hand against the wall, making me jump.   
“No. I fucking said no. I’m not doing this now, Frank.”   
“Why? Why won’t you even talk about it!?” I cried, standing up and moving towards him, but stopping a few feet short.   
“Shit, if you want it so bad, why don’t you just fucking ask me? Why do I have to do it?”  
“Because you’ll say _no!_ ” I yelled.   
“So what? Forcing me to ask you is so much better?”   
“I’m not _forcing_ you, Gerard. You said you wanted this. It was you who brought it up.” I reminded him.  
“Fuck, I know. And you’re making me wish I hadn’t.” he snapped. I knew he was trying to hurt me. I knew that, but it still stung.   
“I just want to talk about it. We’re running out of time, and-“  
“Jesus fucking Christ, Frank. Are you that fucking desperate? Fine. Fuck it, marry me then. You wanna get married so bad? Marry me, you son of a bitch.” He cried.   
I stared at him in silence, clenching my jaw.   
“You’re an asshole. You’re a fucking asshole, Gerard.” I spat.   
“What? Because I’m not rushing to the alter with you? Because I want to fucking wait?”  
“Since when? Since when have you wanted that?”  
“Since now. “ he snarled as if it was an actual answer.   
“What? That’s bullshit. You can’t just decide that shit. We’re in a relationship, remember? We make decisions together.”  
“Not this one. You wanna get married, go find someone else. I’m not the guy for that.” He said, his voice seeming almost tired. I shook my head, fighting tears.   
“You’re right. You’re not that guy. You’re the guy I’d come to if I wanted a cheap, meaningless fuck in some grimy bathroom. Hell, maybe I’d even pay you for it. God knows you’ve probably done it before!” I yelled.   
He just stared at me, shaking with anger. I wasn’t even sorry for my words, even though I knew I should be. He was, as far as I was concerned, taking back everything he’d ever said to me.   
“I’ve never done that for money.” He whispered after a moment. I tried not to let the broken sound of his voice get to me, but I could feel my heart melting anyway. I ignored it, trying to seem strong. He was in the wrong, not me. He was the one who changed the rules.   
“What? Drugs more your thing?” I sneered.   
His face fell at that, and I felt my stomach twist. Oh God. No.   
“G-Gee?”  
“Don’t. Just fucking don’t. Don’t even look at me.” He hissed, but his voice shook. I took a step towards him and stopped.  
“I didn’t…I didn’t know-“  
“It doesn’t matter. Just. Fuck. We’re not getting married, okay? Can we just leave it?”   
“What, like…not ever?” I asked, my voice small. He paused, pressing his lips together, before giving a short shrug.  
“I don’t know.” He admitted softly. I felt my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.   
“I…don’t you want to?” I whispered.   
“It wouldn’t work, Frank. Like, we can talk about it and yeah, it seems great, but it wouldn’t ever work, because-“ he cut himself off, looking away.  
“Go on. Say it.” I sneered.   
“Because _we_ don’t work.” He admitted softly. I nodded.  
“Glad you got that off your chest?” I asked bitterly. He shook his head.  
“No. No, I feel awful. But I can’t keep doing this.”  
“This? As in us?”  
“No. Fuck, not that. No, you’re mine. You’re always gonna be mine, and I’m yours. But we can’t act like we’re a fully functioning couple. We’re not, Frank.”   
“Then why bother? Why do all this if we have no future?” I demanded. Gerard didn’t answer. He sat down on the bed, running his hands over his face and into his hair.   
“I don’t know what to say to you.” He admitted. My heart plummeted.   
“How about goodbye. How about we just end this right here?” I whispered. He rose to his feet and shook his head.  
“I don’t…I don’t want that. Frankie, you’re finally mine – for real, now. I can’t lose you yet.”  
“We have no future, Gerard.” I sighed. He held both my hands, and I left them limp in his clutch.  
“Isn’t now enough?” he breathed.   
I just stared at him and he dropped my hands in defeat.

 

 

We didn’t speak for a while after that. I wasn’t really keeping track, but I knew it was too long. The empty, too-hot summer days blended together in a smudge of sunshine and attempted days out of my house, ignoring the aching in my chest.   
We texted still, and he even called me a few times, but it was clear that there was no question of us seeing each other. Not right now.   
The worst part of it was that I couldn’t even really be mad at him, really. It was awful, but I had to admit that he was right. Gerard and I were absolutely dysfunctional. We cheated on each other, we lied, we hurt each other. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and I was addicted to him. It was hopeless. He was broken glass, and as much as I tried to carry him, he sliced my skin, and I dropped parts and they shattered. And that was us; mutually and inevitably co-dependant and toxic.   
But God, did I ever love him. I’d have given him anything if he needed it, I’d have given him the whole damn universe if he wanted it.   
 But he didn’t. He didn’t want anything from me anymore.   
  
Days apart turned into a week. And then two.   
By the third week, I was all but fading away. I’d had so many hopes for our time together, but here we were, not even speaking.   
I tried to talk to him, to ask if we were still together, but the reply was always the same.   
“I’m sorry.”   
That was all he seemed to say to me. Always apologizing. After a while, it just seemed insincere, and I ignored it.   
Ignoring his apologies turned into ignoring him in conversations, which progressed to ignoring his texts, and then his calls. And then we didn’t speak for maybe three days straight.   
He got the hint and stopped texting me after the second day.

On the third day, however, he called me. This was unusual, even when he was feeling desperate or horny – he normally let himself suffer in silence. I blamed that on his intrinsically artistic nature.   
I almost let the call run to the answer phone, but I didn’t. For some reason, I grabbed my phone and answered it.   
He sounded almost surprised when I replied, as if I wouldn’t be the one answering my own damn phone.   
“Frank.” He breathed, and fuck, his voice was enough to make me fall in love with him all over again. I’d missed him.   
“Gee.” I replied. He was silent for a minute.  
“What are you doing? Right now?” he asked. I let out a small laugh.   
“Nothing. Nothing at all. Why?”  
“I’m gonna come get you, okay? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”  
“Oh.”  
“It’s fine. I’ll be there in half an hour, alright?”  
“Yeah. Yeah okay. Bye Gee.” I mumbled, hanging up before he could reply.   
Of course, I was terrified. We don’t talk for almost a month, and suddenly he’s coming to get me?   
Something was up. I knew it, and if I knew Gerard, it wasn’t likely to be a good thing.   
The only reassurance I had, was that he wasn’t dumping me. I knew that, because if he was, he wouldn’t have bothered with any niceties. He seemed far too compassionate on the phone to be dumping me.   
That, at least, was some relief.

 

It seemed like an eternity before he arrived. Maybe that was due to nerves, or it was due to the fact I’d gotten ready too early. Nonetheless, when I got his text saying simply “I’m here”, I felt like I was going to be sick. I did everything I could to procrastinate going out to the car, spending seemingly ages doing menial things, but when I checked my phone, it’d only been a couple of minutes. I groaned internally and made my way outside.   
The sight of the car made my heart hammer even more than it had been before. He was inside, and in a few moments, and after far too long, I was going to see him.   
I could have gagged on the taste the thought left in my mouth.   
  
I thought of a thousand things I was going to say to him. I was going to yell at him for leaving me for so long, and call him a selfish asshole, and tell him that I didn’t need him anymore, that I was over him.   
I threw open the car door and slid inside, not even looking at him. But I could feel his presence, almost taste his soft, vaguely bitter scent. I could feel the deep, hazel eyes as they watched me. I sucked in a breath and turned to tell him exactly what I thought of him.   
And then I kissed him instead.   
My hands were rough and insistent as I grabbed his face, curling my hand into his hair as I crashed our lips together. He didn’t hesitate for a moment, holding my waist and pulling me closer to him, his tongue flicking against my mouth. My anger, much to my dissent, fizzled away, dissolving in the bitter taste of coffee and cigarettes and alcohol that stained his tongue and his lips.

“You’ve been drinking.” I accused softly. He whined.  
“Yeah.” He murmured, not even trying to deny it.   
“Why?” I panted as he pulled me into his lap. His hands worked deftly at the buttons on my shirt.  
“Missed you. Was nervous.” He mumbled, kissing my neck.   
“Are you drunk?” I whispered, tilting my head back. He bit down on my neck and I moaned gently.  
“No. I promise.” He said urgently, finally pulling my shirt open and kissing up my chest.   
“Gerard. Fuck, I missed you. I fucking missed you, you fucking asshole.” I snapped. He dragged his tongue across my nipple and I whimpered.  
“I missed you too. God, I missed you. But I had to…I had to be sure.” He said urgently.   
I tugged myself away from him. I’d forgotten that he’d actually wanted to see me for a reason, and I guessed that that reason wasn’t to make out in his car.   
“What did you want to talk to me about?” I asked suddenly. He sucked in a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair.  
“I ah. I wanna show you something, if that’s okay?”  
“Okay.” I murmured. I kissed him one last time, savoring the feel of his lips against mine, and slid off his lap, into the passenger seat.   
As he started the car, I began to do my shirt back up, and sighed when I found a button missing.  
“You ripped my button off.” I mumbled. He smiled.  
“Sorry. You’ve ripped off a lot of my buttons, to be fair.” He retorted. I chuckled, shaking my head. He placed his hand gently on my thigh and I smiled softly.  
“I’ve missed your smile. And your laugh.” He said gently, rubbing circles into my thigh.  
“They were there. And so was I, just waiting for you.”  
“As always. Always waiting for me to be good, aren’t you, Frank?” he said, his voice tinged with sadness.   
“I’d wait forever. You know that.” I said earnestly.  
“Maybe you shouldn’t. I’m not exactly worth waiting fo-“  
“Stop. I love you. I’m in love with you.” I said firmly. His mouth stretched into a weak smile, and he said no more.  
I tried not to let it bother me that he didn’t say it back.  
  
I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised that the car journey was so tense, all things considered, but I was. I guess I’d thought that perhaps, after almost a month of not speaking to me, he’d have a lot to tell me.   
Apparently not.

 

We pulled up moments later outside a church, and I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.   
“You want me to pray for my sins, sir?” I teased. He chuckled softly.   
“Not exactly, Frankie. C’mon. I said I wanted to show you something, remember?” he said, pushing his car door open. I rolled my eyes and followed him, though I couldn’t stop the smile that twitched at my mouth.   
He grinned, taking my hand softly.   
“You’re allowed to smile, Frankie.” He chuckled, pushing open a gate, leading into the small graveyard behind the church.  
“This is…cheery.” I murmured. He shot me an exasperated look.  
“Just trust me, okay babe?” he replied. I was just relieved that he’d called me ‘babe’. He didn’t _seem_ like he was going to dump me, which was – as it always was – a relief.   
We walked silently hand-in-hand through the cemetery, the only sound was the gentle crunch of our feet on the floor, and Gerard’s laboured breath. He was nervous, and I couldn’t think of why. If he really wasn’t leaving me, I was happy to forgive him for our argument, and for the last month. Honestly, I’d just missed him, and I was absolutely desperate to have him back.  
Not, of course, that I’d ever tell him that.    
He halted to a stop in front of a tombstone, and looked down at me with a fond smile. It didn’t seem particularly special – just one of those short, black marble tombstones that were typical in graveyards.  I was actually surprised when Gerard kneeled down in front of it, smiling gently.   
“Frank, this is…well, I guess was, my grandma.” He murmured. I squinted at the name ‘Elena Way’ that was written in large, ornate gold letters on the stone, and smiled, squeezing my hand.  
“You’ve spoken about her.” I murmured, not sure what else to say. He crossed his legs, looking up at me and motioning for me to sit down, too.   
Slowly and slightly reluctantly, I sat down, smiling politely.   
“I have a point.” He announced.   
“Okay.”  
“No, I mean. I didn’t just drive you up to my Grandma’s grave for no reason. I really do have a point.”  
“What is it?” I asked, feeling curious. He gave a gentle grin.   
“My Grandma was everything. She practically raised Mikey and I, and we adored her, more than anything. When I wanted to act, she made my costumes for me. When I wanted to sing, she drove me to band practice. When I wanted to be an artist, she bought me art sets. She was always there, and always so supportive of both Mikey and I, and it honestly destroyed us when she died. I thought I’d never be happy again.” He said, pausing to take a breath.  
“But I am. With you. You’re my whole life, my whole world. I honestly…I don’t think there could be a me without you, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you, more than anything.”  
“I love you too.” I whispered. He smiled.  
“Grandma said something to me once, and its always resonated quite deeply with me. She told me, when I was about 15, that everybody wants to be happy, and that, even though everyone has their own goals and aims and methods, it’s really happiness that everyone’s chasing. It made me…humble. But more than anything, it made me very aware of what makes me happy, and it made me want to hold onto those things. So, when the person that makes me the happiest suggests me having him forever, it makes no sense as to why I’d say no to that.” He murmured. I sat up, feeling nervous.   
“It doesn’t matter now.” I whispered.   
“Yes it does. It _does_ matter, Frankie. All you wanted was me, and all I want is you, and…I don’t see why I made such a big deal. I was afraid. But…but I’m not afraid now.” He whispered, his hand moving to his pocket. My heart slammed against my ribs as I saw what he was about to do.   
He opened the small, velvet box, and I gasped in surprise at the ring nestled there, even though I knew it would be.   
“Frank. For real this time. I can’t live without you, okay? I don’t care if I’m afraid, or if the odds are against us. I want you, always.”   
His eyes flicked up to me, then to his grandmother’s grave, and then back to me.   
“Frank Iero. My love. My only love. Will you marry me?” he breathed.   
I knew the answer as soon as I saw his hand moving to his pocket.  
“Gerard…no. No, I won’t. I can’t.” I breathed.


	60. The do-over

He stared at me for a moment, his lips parted in shock and, fuck, sadness. He was so, so sad. I could tell from the way his eyes darkened, and the box slipped from his fingertips onto the ground.   
Neither of us tried to catch it.   
“No?” he asked, as if he hadn’t heard it properly. I shrugged.  
“No. I’m not going to marry you.” I said firmly. It killed me to say, but it had to be said. I couldn’t possibly say yes to him – not now.   
“W-why? I thought… I thought you wanted this.” He whispered. I could almost hear the heartbreak in his voice, and it made my heart squeeze. I shrugged, wiping my hands on my jeans.   
“I do want it. I mean, I want you. I’ll always want you.”  
“Then why did you say no?” he murmured. I sighed, tilting his head up so he was looking into my eyes, pretending not to see the tear that slid down his cheek. I knew I was killing him. Hell, it was killing me, too.   
“Because you don’t want this, Gerard. You were so against it before, and now you’ve just magically changed your mind? It doesn’t make sense. And I refuse to marry you because you ask me out of pity.” I said, only a little bitterly.   
“Besides” I added “what kind of asshole doesn’t speak to me for almost a month, and then proposes? I’m still mad at you.” I said, though I wasn’t really. Not entirely, anyway.   
He shrugged softly.  
“I do want to. I was scared.”  
“And I can’t risk you being scared again. At least this way, there’s less damage if you try and run away again.”  
“But I won’t!” he insisted, holding both my hands in his. I shrugged.   
“I can’t risk it. I can’t have us getting engaged, and then you breaking it off because-“  
“And you think I’d do that?” He sniffed, clearly offended. I sighed, running a hand through my hair.  
“Yes, Gerard. I think that’s exactly like something you’d do. I love you, baby. I love you so much. But you were gone for a whole month, and I had no idea if we were even still together, and then you just…you ask me this? I can’t say yes to that. I need time.”  
“How much time?”  
“I don’t know. You hurt me, Gee.” I sighed. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, and I had to admit that it felt good to feel his lips brush against my skin.   
“I won’t do that again, Frankie. I won’t hurt you ever again. Unless you ask me to.” He teased.   
I smiled softly at the attempt at a joke.  
“But you will, Gee. And I’ll hurt you. We’re going to hurt each other, over and over and over. Are you sure you want to live with that?” I asked. He scooped me up into his arms, pressing a kiss to my forehead.   
“Yes. I want to live with that, and you, and everything. I don’t care if you leave me and cheat on me a million times, I just want you. You can’t get rid of me.” He said with a gentle grin. I shook my head at him, laughing.   
“I probably couldn’t cheat on you a million times. I think…doesn’t your dick like, fall off when that happens?”   
He grinned, shaking his head.   
He leaned forward and kissed me softly, and I sighed, leaning into him. He felt good – he always felt good.   
A hand started combing softly through my hair, and I tightened my arms around his neck, drawing him closer to me, but it wasn’t close enough.   
“Frankie, I love you-“  
“I love you too.” I replied. He smiled.  
“I love you. But we so aren’t making out on my Grandmother’s grave.” He said, his eyes shining with amusement.   
I smiled softly, tracing patterns on the back of his hand with my fingertips.  
“No, you’re right. We should make out in your car. Or at your house.” I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows. He shrugged.  
“I have a better idea, actually.” He said, rising to his feet. He held a hand out to me and I grabbed it, letting him haul me up.  
“Yeah? And what’s that?” I giggled. He looked at me for a moment, with an expression so fond and gentle that it almost made me uncomfortable.   
“Frank Iero. I’m taking you on a date.” He said firmly, leaving no room for negotiation. I grinned and laughed.  
“A date, Gerard? Seriously?” I snickered. He looked almost hurt, but kept his smile in place.   
“Yes. A date. Because I love you, and I missed you, and you deserve it.” He said simply, leaning down and grabbing the ring box from the floor, shoving it into his pocket.   
I hated the way I was sad to see it go.   
“Okay. A date. What exactly does that entail?” I asked, tilting my head, unable to keep the smile off my face. He shrugged and gestured widely with his hands.   
“I don’t know. Dinner, a movie. What do people do on dates?” He asked, his eyes wide with genuine interest. I laughed and took his hand.  
“Haven’t you been on a date before?” I teased – not that I had, either. He bit his lip and shot me a coy smile.   
“I don’t normally make it that far.” He purred. I nudged him with my hip.  
“Fine. Dinner and a movie sounds absolutely fine.” I assured him.   
“And I’m paying.” He insisted. I snorted.  
“Well, I’m sure as hell not.” I laughed. He rolled his eyes and moved to put his arm around my waist.   
“But maybe I’ll let you take advantage of me afterwards.” I said suggestively. He laughed loudly – probably too loudly for a graveyard, in retrospect.  
“Deal.” He grinned.

 

After a mild argument over where we were going for dinner (“No, Frank, McDonalds is not a date location”), we eventually decided on a restaurant that was in the mall – one of those ones that everybody walks past, but you never think to go into.   
 I was, however, on this occasion, quite glad that we did go into it. It was beautiful, and I almost considered asking Gerard if we could leave, because the dark red velvet seats and the marble floor signified to me that this was far too expensive – especially considering that he no longer had a job – but the wide, excited grin on his face deterred me.   
The host looked at our joined hands, and then at Gerard. He glared at him accusingly for only a moment when he greeted us, leading us – almost resentfully, or so it seemed – to our table.   
We sat down, and I immediately grabbed the menu and scanned down it.  
It was, as expected, far too expensive.  
“We should have gone to McDonalds.” I murmured, giving Gerard a smile. He rolled his eyes and nudged my leg under the table.  
“Shut up.” He said with a grin. I could almost feel the excitement rolling off him, so I left it, looking at him instead of the menu.   
He looked beautiful. Exhausted, but beautiful. The hazel eyes I’d grown to love were framed by dark rings, and his mouth was chapped and split from – I guessed – him biting it. I sighed and he looked up at me, tilting his head concernedly. I reached over and held his hand.   
“You look like hell.” I whispered. He let his smile drop for a moment, revealing how haggard he really felt.  
“I fell like hell.” He admitted with a weak smile that didn’t touch his eyes.   
“I missed you.” I breathed. He pressed his lips together and opened his lips to speak, then closed them again.   
“Gerard. I missed you. I love you.” I whispered, holding his hand harder. He took a deep breath.  
“Gonna make me cry.” He laughed weakly. I frowned.   
“Baby, maybe we shouldn’t-“  
“I want to.” He said firmly. I sighed and leaned back, smiling fondly at him.  
“You’re so stubborn.” I remarked. He only had time to shrug before the waiter appeared and we ordered.   
It felt weird to be doing this with him. Sure, we’d gone for dinner before, but it had been out of town, and away from anyone who we might know. There was, before, no way anyone could have spotted us. That guarantee wasn’t there anymore, and I found it almost exciting.   
“Frank.” Gerard said. I turned towards him and smiled.   
“Yes?”  
“I’m in love with you.” He said simply.   
“So I’ve heard.” I retorted, raising an eyebrow. He bit his lip and leaned forward.  
“I love you. And I’d quite like to fuck you.”   
“ _Gerard_.” I hissed, but I couldn’t help but grin. He leaned back and shrugged innocently as our food was put down in front of us.   
“Sorry it’s not McDonalds.” He teased, gesturing to my burger. I sighed dramatically.  
“I’ll live, I suppose.” I smiled as I bit into it. He watched me eat, ignoring his own dinner, and I swallowed self-consciously.   
“Shit, Gee.” I laughed.   
“Your mouth is beautiful. It’s the first thing I noticed about you. Your pretty lips.” He said, raising his hand slightly like he was going to touch me, then dropped it back onto the table. I ran my tongue along my bottom lip and let my teeth catch on it lightly.  
“Really?”  
“Say my name.” He whispered, watching my lips intently. I breathed a laugh.  
“Why?”  
“Because I want you to. Please.” He asked, still staring at me.   
“Gerard.” I said softly. He pressed his lips together and nodded, looking almost relieved.  
“Beautiful.” He breathed. I glanced up at him and shook my head incredulously before turning back to my food, and was relieved when he did the same.  
We ate in a comfortable silence, his foot running up and down my ankle almost unconsciously, his eyes occasionally flickering up to mine, just watching me. Normally I’d have been perhaps a little put off by this, but I knew what he wanted, and I let him have it. I’d never thought, in my whole life, that I’d ever have anyone who wanted, more than anything, to look at my mouth. It was motivating. It made me want every word that slipped out of these lips to be beautiful, so maybe I could prove that I really was even half of what he thought I was.   
It occurred to me, as he finished his dinner and leaned back, grinning softly to himself, that perhaps he was watching my lips in case he missed the eventual ‘yes’ that slipped through them.   
The thought was both attractive and heartbreaking.

 

Unlike dinner, there was no dispute over the movie we were going to see. There was a horror movie – albeit, one we both suspected would be awful – that was playing, and Gerard didn’t even need to ask if it was the one I wanted to see. I thought that, at some point, we may have had the first two movies in the trilogy playing while we made love, and I could perhaps recall some of the plot.  Not that that even mattered, of course, because Gerard – with suspiciously wide, innocent eyes – chose the back row of the theatre for us to sit in.   
“Why, Gerard. I hope you didn’t take my offer of taking advantage of me too seriously.” I said mockingly. He responded by giving my ass a playful slap and wiggling his eyebrows.   
“Would I ever do that?” he asked, leading me to my seat. I sat down and snorted.  
“Uh. Yes.” I said without hesitation. He leaned forward and kissed me delicately, his fingertips running along my cheekbone.  
“Later, my darling.” He breathed, smiling at me.   
“I want you.” I whispered. He kissed along my jaw, his hand gripping my thigh.  
“In what way?”  
“Every way.” I answered. He chuckled as he moved his kisses down to my throat.   
There was only one thing that could have destroyed the moment. Only one thing in the entire world.   
And of course, it happened.   
“ _Holy Shit._ ” Came a familiar voice from next to us. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut.   
“Shit” he breathed. I turned my head and smiled at Jasmine and Anna, who were staring at us in horror. Anna’s brother, Bob, was standing next to her, smirking. I could almost feel Gerard blushing.   
“Oh my god, I knew they were fucking.” Jasmine gaped. Gerard groaned and sat up, giving them a halfhearted wave.  
“Hi girls.” He mumbled. I bit my lip, not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry.   
“What, Gee? No hi for me?” Bob sneered. Gerard looked pointedly away from him.  
“Bob.” He muttered.   
“Aw, come on baby. That’s not how you said my name when you-“  
“Shit, Bob, stop!” Anna shrieked, covering her ears, looking slightly overwhelmed. I couldn’t say I felt much sympathy.   
“So, you’re fucking the little twink?” Bob said, gesturing to me. Jasmine rolled her eyes.   
“Nobody’s really surprised. Especially not after prom.” She sneered.   
“Yeah, Frank. What the fuck? Way to beg for attention.” Anna added spitefully. I felt my cheeks heat up, and Gerard held my hand.   
“In all respect, Anna. I don’t think it was attention he was begging for.” Gerard purred. I widened my eyes and looked at him in shock. That was risky, even for him.   
“Yeah, it was your dick.” She hissed. Gerard laughed, running a hand through his hair.   
“Yes. It was.” He said simply. She looked quite taken aback, staring at him with wide eyes.   
“Whatever. You know that this is illegal, right?” She sniffed.   
“Uh, no. It’s not, actually.” I pointed out. Gerard shot me a proud smile.   
“I bet he’s not much of a fuck.” Bob grunted. Gerard arched an eyebrow and held my thigh possessively.  
“Not that it’s any of your business.” He said firmly   
“But he’s the best I’ve ever had.” He purred, stroking the inside of my thigh.  
The looks on their faces would have been almost comical if it wasn’t so awkward. There was a few muttered words of disapproval as they walked away, to the row next to ours.   
It was an opportunity, I’ll grant that, and certainly one that Gerard didn’t intend on missing.   
He moaned – maybe a little too loudly – and grabbed my face, kissing me deeply. I couldn’t help the whimper that escaped my lips as I held him tightly, feeling his hands move into my hair. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, and was almost shocked when he pushed away from me, panting.   
“Baby, what-“  
“I don’t want this.” He murmured. I tilted my head.  
“What?”  
“I just want to watch a movie with you, okay? Like normal people who aren’t sluts.” He said weakly, biting his lip. I sighed.   
“You know I didn’t mean what I said, right? About you only being good for sex.”  
“Didn’t you?” he asked softly. His eyes were wide and hopeful, and it made my heart squeeze.   
“Oh, baby. No, of course not. You’re everything, Gerard.” I said, stroking his cheek. He held my hand to his face and smiled.   
“But I’m good at sex too, right?” He asked as the lights dimmed. I kissed his cheek.   
“The best. The very best.” I assured him, holding his hand as the movie started.

 

The movie itself was, as a whole, not great, but I guess we expected that. We watched it anyway, happy to be in each other’s company. I rested my head on his chest, and he rested his cheek on my head, stroking his fingers delicately down my spine. I felt that if he could have told me he loved me a million times, that he would have, and I would have replied with “I love you too”, every single time.   
Instead, he just pressed kisses to my head, and to the tops of my ears, nibbling on them playfully, until I squeezed his thigh to make him stop.   
His arms were tight around me, and I could hear his heart thumping under my head. I turned to kiss his chest, nuzzling into him as the audience jumped and screamed collectively at the poor attempt at horror.   
I felt Gerard laugh, and couldn’t help but smile up at him. He was all I could ever want.   
I sighed happily and kissed his throat, feeling his hand tighten on my hip.   
“I love you.” I breathed against his skin. I didn’t know if he heard me or not, but his hand resumed rubbing my hip gently, and I felt him swallow hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing against my lips. I smiled, kissing him again.   
“Watch the movie, idiot.” He chuckled softly, leaning down to kiss my head. I sighed and turned my attention back to the screen, but my eyes were soon drawn back to his face. The colours projected onto his face from the screen made his face even more beautiful, were such a thing even possible. He licked his lips and blinked a couple times, and I could have sworn that it made the Earth shake.   
If he’d asked me to marry him, in that moment, I think it would have been impossible for me to say no.   
“Stop looking at me.” He said, turning to me. I bit my lip.  
“Can’t. I love you too much.” I said. He ducked his head and kissed me softly, his hand cupping my jaw. I stretched out and wrapped my arms around his neck, accepting the kiss happily. The audience jumped suddenly, and Gerard gasped, jerking away. He grinned, shaking his head.  
“Wrong time.” He mouthed, taking my hand. I had to agree, and rested my head on his arm and trying to watch the movie, reasoning with myself that I’d have all night to stare at him adoringly.   
Still, I managed to sneak in a couple glances at his face, which he pretended not to notice.

 

There was no question about what we were going to do next. I wasn’t horny, per se, but I was desperate for him. That wasn’t necessarily surprising, though – I was _always_ desperate for him.   
He barely had shut the front door when he started fumbling with his belt, cursing when it got stuck through one of the loops.   
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Mikey said, and I spun around to see him looking at us in disgust. Gerard – having managed to get his belt undone – held his pants up, smiling sheepishly.  
“Uh, hey Mikes.” He said weakly. Mikey sighed.  
“Hi, guys. Wow, glad you had a nice day.” He muttered. I couldn’t help but laugh at the panicked look on Gerard’s face.  
“Uhm…we were just…”  
“He said yes?” Mikey asked, eyes flickering to me. I blushed.  
“Uh, no. He…he said no.” Gerard murmured. Confusion crossed Mikey’s face, but he brushed it off.  
“Whatever. Keep it down.” He snapped, turning for the stairs.   
We waited until he had slammed his bedroom door shut, before Gerard was on me again, kissing me urgently and letting his pants and underwear fall to the floor in a pool at his feet, kicking them off and away unceremoniously. I couldn’t help but smile against his mouth as I tugged my own jeans and boxers off, throwing them next to his, before grabbing his shirt, ripping it open.   
He raised an eyebrow at me.   
“You broke my buttons.” He teased as he threw both of our shirts onto the floor.   
“I don’t care.” I replied, grabbing his hips and pulling him closer to me. He pushed me down onto the sofa, growling softly, and claimed my neck with his lips and teeth. I gasped and arched up into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He gave my ass a loud slap, and I hissed.   
“Stop being such a bitch.” He purred as he spat on his fingers and pressed them against my ass. I moaned and arched up again, pushing my ass down onto his fingers and whimpering as they started to slide into me.   
“You’ve been fingering yourself, haven’t you, Frankie?” he murmured. I nodded.  
“Pretended it was you.” I admitted weakly. Gerard beamed, kissing me roughly.   
“I’m gonna buy you a dildo, okay? Gonna get you one the same size as my cock, and then you can pretend I’m fucking you when I’m not there.” He murmured, pressing chaste kisses to my lips as his fingers filled my ass up. I whined and tried to wiggle back onto his fingers.   
“Promise?” I breathed. He nodded.   
“Yeah, baby. I promise. “ he murmured against my mouth, sliding his fingers out of me and holding my ass open. He moved back, smirking as he spat on his hand and ran it down his cock, moaning softly.   
“That’s disgusting.” I pointed out. He rolled his eyes and moved back so his cock bounced against my ass.   
“Do you want me to fuck you or not?” he purred. I bit my lip and nodded, pushing my legs even further apart.  
“I do. Fuck me. Please fuck me.” I chanted. He pushed my legs up by my chest as he slid into me, letting out a harsh breath.   
“Fuck.” He moaned. I felt my ass stretch around him and whimpered in slight discomfort, but it faded into a drawn out moan as he bottomed out.   
“Your ass just stretches around my cock, Frankie. It’s so hot.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss my chest. He flicked his tongue against my nipple and I cried out, arching my back as he licked it slowly, starting to thrust his hips into me. I whined, rolling my head back, my mouth falling open.   
“Don’t open your mouth unless you want me to put my dick in it.” He teased, giving my ass another sharp slap. I pressed my lips together obediently, digging my fingers into his ass.   
“Can I try something?” I whispered hoarsely. He nodded, not slowing down his hips – and honestly, I was grateful. I’d have probably cried if he stopped.   
I sucked my fingers into my mouth, staring up at him with wide eyes, before moving them back towards his ass, pushing my fingers against his hole.   
His eyes snapped open, his hips faltering slightly.   
“Fuck. I didn’t think you meant that.” He moaned. I pulled my hand away.  
“Do you want me to stop?” I whispered.  
“No. Fuck. Don’t stop.” He gasped, grabbing my hips as he started to fuck into me again. It took me a few moments to compose myself to start pushing against his ass again, moaning as I felt my fingers slide into him.   
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. So good.” He moaned, burying his face in my shoulder as he pounded into me, each thrust of his hips causing my fingers to go deeper into him.   
The angle was awkward, and I couldn’t get in very deep, but I could tell that he was enjoying it.   
“Fuck!” He cried, grabbing my cock and jerking me off at the same pace as his thrusts. My mouth fell open despite myself, and my eyes rolled back in my head. The pleasure was almost overwhelming.   
“Can we switch?” he panted. I froze, eyes wide.  
“You mean, you…”  
“Fuck me. Fuck me.” He whined, rolling his hips forward desperately. I nodded and pulled my fingers out of his ass, wiping them inconspicuously on the sofa. He slid out of me, and I couldn’t help but moan at the loss. He shot a grin at me as he turned away from me on his hands and knees, looking hopefully at me over his shoulder. Feeling dazed, I moved behind him, rubbing my cock against his ass.   
“Daddy…” he whined, dropping his head down. I took the opportunity to smack his ass sharply, enjoying the loud noise it made, and his accompanying hiss.   
“Fuck me, Frank.” He moaned, wiggling his ass back and rubbing it against my cock. I moaned, unable to hesitate any longer, and pushed my cock into him, gasping as I filled him up.   
He moaned, dropping his head down again.   
“Yeah…fuck…”  
“You’re such a bottom.” I teased, reaching over him to grab his hair, holding his head up. He smiled vaguely, panting hard.  
“I know, daddy.” He whispered. I moaned and grabbed his ass with my free hand, and started pounding into him, as he had been only moments before, letting out a loud moan.   
I watched as he moved his hand between his legs to jerk himself off, whimpering as he bit down on his lip.   
“Gonna cum Gee. Fuck.” I whispered, tugging his hair back, exposing his throat.   
“Cum on me.” He begged, pushing himself back onto my cock.   
He was such a slut. His mouth hung open, his eyes rolling back into his head. His hand worked furiously on his cock.   
It was, more than anything, his desperation that ended up pushing me over the edge. I cried out as my cock throbbed, managing to pull out just in time to cum on his ass, my head falling back as it dripped down his legs.   
“Fuck. Fuck.” He whispered, hand still working along his cock. I still gripped his hair tightly, holding his head back.   
“Cum you fucking whore.” I spat. He let out a high pitched whine as he squeezed his cock and, almost on command, came hard, splattering his already soaked thighs in his cum. I let go of his hair and fell back, watching as he collapsed onto the sofa, the blanket that hung over its back tangling up in his wet legs. He panted, looking up at the ceiling.   
“C’mere.” He whispered, holding his arms out to me. I obliged, crawling over to him and letting him hold me tightly. He kissed my forehead.   
“I love you so much.” He whispered. I smiled up at him, leaning up slightly to kiss his jaw.   
“I love you too, Gee.” I murmured, nuzzling against his throat.  
We sat like that for a few moments, sweaty and smelling like sex, in complete silence. The only sound was the heartbeat under my head, and his gentle breaths.   
If there was a moment where I loved him more than other moments, it was this. Just after sex. The moment where the animalistic desire and need is gone, and all there is, is him and I. Naked, vulnerable, and wrapped entirely in each other – like nothing else in the universe could ever matter.   
“Marry me, Frank.” He whispered, combing my hair back from my forehead. I looked up at him, and saw sweat beading down the side of his face. I kissed his throat.   
“Hm?” I murmured, as if I hadn’t understood him. He let out a light laugh.   
“I meant what I said. I’m not afraid, Frankie. I want to be yours, and for you to be mine. Always. Tell me you don’t want this. Me. Forever.” He whispered.   
“I do want this.” I admitted. I could have cried – I wanted him so badly.   
“Then marry me.”   
“Is that an order?” I teased.   
“No, it’s not. It’s me stepping away from everything I’ve ever thought, and the morals I’ve always lived by. It’s me peeling off everything, and handing myself to you completely. It’s me literally handing you my heart. Frank, please. Marry me, babe.”  
I leaned up on my arm and brushed the tears that formed away from his eyes, kissing his forehead, and resting my head against his. He sighed and hummed lightly, holding me close to him like he had a million times before, and it felt like it really had been a million times – maybe more. It felt like the universe was created, and would end, with me in his arms.   
Now, just like before, in the graveyard, I knew exactly what my answer was going to be. I felt it in every inch of my soul, with no room in me for doubt, and with absolute clarity and confidence.   
“Yes. Of course I’ll marry you, Gerard.” I whispered.   
He gasped and jerked up so fast I almost fell off of him – and perhaps I would have, if he didn’t reach out and grab me.   
“You….you…honestly?” He whispered, tears forming in his eyes.   
“Yes. Fuck, oh my god. Yes.” I said, beaming. He grabbed my face and kissed me hard.   
“Just…fuck…wait…” he stammered, getting up and leaving the room for a moment. I took that time to consider if I’d made the right choice, and every inch of me sung out that I had.   
He returned with the ring box and handed it to me, but I shook my head.  
“Put it on me.” I said, my voice shaking. He stared at me in awe and kissed me again, before fumbling with the ring for a moment, and finally sliding it onto my finger. It was perfect.   
He was perfect.   
“Oh my…Oh my God. We’re getting married.” He whispered, putting a hand over his mouth. My eyes were filled with tears as I nodded, reaching forward to kiss him.   
“I’m gonna be yours forever.” I whispered, running my hands through his hair. He smiled against my mouth and pulled back, raising an eyebrow.  
“You know what this means, right?” He asked.   
“What?” I asked giggling softly. His next words, however, wiped the smile from my face completely.   
“We have to tell your Mother.”


	61. Monster in law

No matter how I looked at it, or tried to reconstruct the situation, one thing was abundantly clear – we would definitely have to tell my mother about our engagement, and – by association – the almost year-long relationship we’d been in. That was a scary prospect on its own, and even scarier when I considered that my Mother had a crush on him.   
“Frank. We can’t just not tell your Mom we’re getting married.” Gerard pointed out, cocking his hip to the side. I told him to shut the fuck up, and he laughed into his cornflakes.   
Mikey actually agreed with me. He said that my Mom could easily form a legal argument or something against Gerard. While I doubted this, I still used it to try and convince Gerard to stop being so damn romantic.   
He disagreed, though, and said that, unless we told her, he refused to marry me.   
That’s how I found myself, much to my disdain, approaching my Mother a few weeks later.   
“Uh. Mom. Hi.” I said nervously. She looked up from her coffee and gave me a hesitant smile.  
“Is everything okay Frankie?” she asked concernedly. I nodded.  
“Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I saw M-Mr. Way the other day.” I said. Her eyes lit up.  
“Oh? How is he?”  
“He’s good. Um. I invited him over.” I said bluntly. She seemed – unsurprisingly - quite taken aback by this, but pleased nonetheless.  
“Oh. Oh, that’s…okay. When?” she asked. I chewed my lip.  
“Um. This afternoon.” I said weakly. Her eyes widened.  
“Jesus, Frank. You could’ve warned me! I have to clean up and make snacks and-“  
“Woah! Mom. Calm it. He’s just coming over for coffee.” I laughed. She relaxed slightly and nodded. She rose to her feet, making her way towards the kitchen.  
“Right. Yeah.” She murmured to herself. I smiled fondly at her, and her somewhat ‘ditzy’ demeanor, despite her intelligence. I really, really loved my Mom. In a way, I guess I was glad we were telling her – finally, the most important person in my life would know about the most important _thing_ in my life.   
Not only that, but it meant that I could stop pretending that I was dating Cameron. And that could only ever be a good thing.

 

Despite me telling her not to, my Mom still freaked out for the rest of the day. I guess she forgot that Gerard was gay, because she made a special effort to look nice.   
“Mom, you know he likes dick, right?” I reminded her as she slathered mascara onto her eyes. She rolled her eyes at me.   
“I know.” She snapped playfully.   
“Well. I’m just saying.” I said, my fingers rolling around the ring in my jeans pocket. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. Not only was telling her a massive thing on its own, but it solidified it. It was like, bringing it into the real world – the one that existed outside of Gerard and I.   
I remained nervous until he arrived a couple hours later. He looked gorgeous, as always, wearing his faded black jeans and what I recognized as one of Mikey’s shirts.   
He was as nervous as I was, then.   
He gave my Mother a hesitant kiss on the cheek as he entered our house, shooting me a significant look. My heart pounded in my chest in anticipation. I was so, so terrified it was unreal. Oddly, though, knowing that he was just as terrified as me, actually helped me to relax somewhat, as if I wasn’t completely alone in this. I smiled at him nervously.   
“You look lovely as always, Linda.” He said charmingly, and I rolled my eyes at him, earning a bright smile shot in my direction. Mom laughed.   
“Thank you, Gerard. Frank mentioned he saw you in town?” she said. Gerard froze a little in panic, so I cut in.   
“Yeah. Bookstore.” I said, widening my eyes at him. He smiled.   
“Oh, yeah. I saw him there.” He said awkwardly. I groaned internally, fighting the urge to just call the whole thing off. The only thing that stopped me was the ring that felt like it was burning a hole through my jeans. It acted like an anchor, keeping me rooted to the spot, and cementing the smile onto my face.   
“Frank, is everything okay?” Mom asked. I tensed – she could always see right through me.   
“Yeah. I’m just…sleepy.” I shrugged. She laughed.   
“I didn’t realize that you could be sleepy when you sleep for like, fourteen hours straight.” She snickered, turning her attention to the coffee maker. Gerard fixed me with a smug grin.  
“Yeah, Frank. Lazy.” He teased. I flicked him the finger behind my Mom’s back, and he stuck his tongue out at me.   
Mom giggled, leaning against the counter as she waited for the coffee to heat up.   
“So, Gerard. What are you doing with yourself now that school’s out?” she asked. Gerard chewed his lip.  
“I actually…I don’t work there anymore.” He said with a shrug. Mom looked shocked.  
“What? Seriously?” she asked. He nodded.  
“Yeah. I got ah…fired.” He blushed. Her eyes looked like they might fall out of her head.  
“Fired? They fired you? That’s ridiculous!” she cried. Gerard shrugged.  
“It’s probably for the best. I have more things I want to be doing with my life, you know? Teaching has been…amazing. But I think I wanna do more.” He shrugged.   
Mom pulled some mugs out of the cupboard and nodded understandingly.   
“I get that. Yeah.” She said with a smile. She shrugged.   
“Well. As long as you’re happy.” She added. Gerard flicked his eyes to me.   
“I’m very happy.” He said, and I couldn’t help but grin – I was always happy when he was happy. It was like they were two mutually exclusive things. One of us couldn’t be happy if the other wasn’t – it was just how it worked.   
Mom nodded.   
“Good. Do you take milk and sugar?” she asked, gesturing to the coffee. Gerard jolted, as if snapped out of a trance.   
“Uh, no. Black, please.” He smiled. Mom laughed softly.   
“That’s hardcore stuff.” She teased, pouring the coffee into one of the mugs, and adding milk and sugar to hers and mine.   
She handed Gerard the mug and gestured into the living room. He smiled graciously and shot me a look that I couldn’t quite decipher as he led the way into the living room.   
“Your house is lovely.” He smiled, sitting down on the sofa. I sat down next to him, my knees knocking together slightly. He moved his hand like he was going to put it on my leg, then caught himself, tucking his arm back by his side.   
Mom came into the living room and put her coffee down onto the coffee table.   
Before she could even sit down, though, her phone rang. Muttering to herself in annoyance, she pulled it out and sighed.  
“Sorry, I have to take this.” She said. I smiled.  
“It’s okay. I’ll give Mr. Way a tour.” I said, smiling coyly at him. He pretended not to notice my change in tone, but I didn’t miss the way he bit his lip. Mom signaled us a thumbs up as she hurried from the room.   
He let out a relieved breath as soon as she left the room.   
“Fuck. Fuck. That was intense.” He gasped. I laughed at him.   
“What? Nothing even happened!” I exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes at me.  
“She reads minds.” He whispered. I slapped his knee playfully.  
“Oh, shut up.” I smiled. He rolled his eyes and pulled me in for a kiss.   
“I’m nervous.” He admitted softly.   
“Me too.” I said, holding his hand.   
“Jesus, Frank. I mean, we’re not actually getting married for like, three years. We don’t have to tell her now.” He murmured. I sighed.  
“I wish we didn’t. But you’re here now, and if we don’t do it now –“   
“I know. We’ll never do it.” He mumbled. I rose to my feet and held my hand out to him.  
“C’mon. Come see my room.” I grinned.   
He smiled excitedly and took my hand as I led him upstairs.

 

“Huh.” He said as I opened the door. I sat down on my bed.   
“What?” I chuckled. He shrugged, sitting down next to me.   
“It’s just not what I expected.” He admitted, looking around. I laughed.  
“What were you expecting? Pictures of you everywhere?” I teased.   
“Yes.” He smirked, pulling me into his arms. I bit my lip and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He moaned and pulled me onto his lap, his hands sliding down my back, gripping my ass.  
“Gee.” I panted, flicking my tongue into his mouth. He let out a deep moan as he kissed me back, harder, gripping my hips tightly. He flipped us over so I was lying underneath him, his arms braced on either side of me.  
“We should fuck on your bed. Right now.” He growled, kissing my neck urgently. I laughed, slapping his shoulder, and he pulled away.  
“What?” He asked, blushing.   
“Jesus, we can’t fuck with my Mom here.” I smiled.   
“Why? We fuck with Mikey right there all the time.”  
“Yes, but Mikey knows. And I almost fucked Mikey, so-“  
“I wouldn’t have let it go that far.” He mumbled. I wrapped my arms back around him.   
“Neither would Mikey.” I beamed. He laughed and kissed me.  
“Fuck, I’m nervous.” He sighed, brushing my hair back from my face. I stroked his cheek.   
“Don’t be. I love you, and she’s gonna be happy for us.” I insisted, trying to convince myself as much as him. He frowned.  
“And if she’s not?”  
“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there. But you know my Mom loves you, and other than the whole age thing-“  
“And the illegal thing.”  
“And the lying thing.”  
“And the teacher and student thing”  
“And the ‘my mom has a crush on you’ thing”   
“And the sudden marriage proposal thing”  
“She should be fine with it.” I beamed. He shook his head and kissed me on the forehead.   
“C’mon, Frankie.” He murmured, holding his hand out. I pouted.  
“Can’t we make out a bit more?” I asked sadly. He laughed.  
“I would, I honestly would, but no. We might get caught. Besides, I think we have an engagement to announce.” He smiled.   
“You say that like you’re excited and not shit-scared.” I grumbled, sliding off my bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist.   
“I’m a very good actor.” He grinned. I leaned up and gave him a soft kiss. He sighed and cupped my cheek, pulling me in for another kiss, deeper this time. His tongue flicked against my mouth, and it took all my willpower to push him away.   
“Gee!” I hissed. He smiled and kissed me one last time.   
“Okay, sorry.” He grinned. I kissed his cheek and spun around with a wink, leading him back downstairs, where my mother was still on the phone. I could hear her fast talking from the closed kitchen door. Gerard winked at me and took a sip of his coffee. He wrinkled his face up and put it back on the table.  
“S’cold.” He mumbled. I laughed and squeezed his thigh.  
“I adore you.” I murmured. He kissed me chastely, rubbing a hand down my arm.   
I believe we heard my Mom ending her call at the same time, because he jumped away from me the same time I jumped away from him.   
We gave each other matching mischievous smiles, which faded when my Mom came back in, smiling gracefully.  
“Sorry, guys. Work.” She chuckled.  
“I wouldn’t know.” Gerard teased. Mom looked at me uncertainly and I smiled, so she did too. I guess not everyone got Gerard’s humor.   
“On that subject. What do you think you’ll go into next, Gerard? You said you had plans?” She prompted. My mom was, above all else, amazingly good at ice-breaking. She was a godsend during awkward family reunions.   
Or funerals. I probably wouldn’t have survived my Dad’s funeral without her there to make me feel more comfortable.  
I pushed that thought aside when I realized that Gerard was talking and, more importantly, that I didn’t even know what it was he wanted to do. His answer didn’t surprise me, though.  
“I was thinking art. Like, I draw.” He shrugged. Mom leaned forward, her cup of coffee long since forgotten, much like Gerard’s and mine.   
“Really? What kind of stuff?” she asked with genuine interest. He glanced at me before smiling, wetting his lips with his tongue. I knew he wanted to say “your son”, but of course, he couldn’t. Not just yet.  
“People, mostly. But I guess my big thing is like, comic books. I’d love to get into that.” He said nonchalantly. I tried to hide my surprise. He’d never really mentioned it to me. Not properly.   
“Frank likes comic books, don’t you, sweetie?” She said, throwing the conversation to me. Thanks mom.   
“Yeah. Love them.” I grinned.   
“Maybe you’ll be reading some of Gerard’s comics some day.” She teased. Gerard bit his lip.  
“Yeah. Maybe.” I mumbled weakly, sipping some of the cold coffee, just for something to keep me busy.   
“Is there much of a job industry for that sort of thing? Comic books, I mean?” Mom asked, keeping the conversation rolling. Gerard seemed almost relieved as he replied.  
“Yes and no. It really depends on who you know. I have a few friends in the industry, and they and I go way back to like, college days. So, yeah. I’m in a pretty good position.” He smiled at her. She nodded.  
“I’m glad to hear it.” She said warmly and, again, with genuine sincerity.   
The room went silent, and Gerard fidgeted uncomfortably. Once again, the ring burned in my pocket and I bit my lip, looking up at Gerard. He met my gaze and gave me a nervous smile.  
We couldn’t procrastinate anymore. This was it. This was the moment.   
“Mrs. Iero – Linda. I think…there’s something I need to talk to you about.” He said, choosing his words carefully. My heart raced in my chest. I felt my palms sweat, and tried to wipe them inconspicuously on my jeans. Mom looked up, eyebrows slightly furrowed.  
“O…kay. What’s up?” she asked, confusion and apprehension written across her face. He didn’t reply though, he just stared at his lap uncomfortably as he collected himself. Mom was patient, though, and watched him.   
“Linda, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve been a teacher for a very, very long time, and never in my whole career have I ever met a student like Frank.” He said, his voice filling with warmth. Mom smiled.  
“You did say that. And I appreciate it.” She said. Gerard nodded.  
“But beyond that, I don’t think there’s a single person on this Earth who’s quite like Frank. He’s got something that I’ve never seen in anyone before. It’s unnamable, but it’s prominent, and it just…it shines through him.” He gushed. I fought the urge to hold his hand. Not long now.   
“Thank you.” She murmured, still confused. Gerard sighed deeply.   
“I think, before I continue, it’s important that you know some things. First of all, my parents were never really there. They were ignorant and unaccepting, and I basically had to raise my brother myself. Both of us suffered as a result from this, emotionally and mentally, and…it didn’t turn out well. We had to turn to other things to help us get through. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex-“  
“Gerard, why are you telling me this?” she whispered.   
“He has a point, Mom.” I murmured softly. She fixed me with the same gaze she’d had focused on him, and I squirmed under her eyes.   
“It’s important that you know. I promise.” He assured her. Seemingly reluctantly, she nodded, and he continued.   
“When my brother went into his coma, I thought I would die. I wanted to. I tried.” He admitted. I bit my lip to force back tears, and he gave me a small smile.   
“It’s only been recently – really recently – that I’ve started to feel human again, and I know exactly what it is that’s causing me to feel whole again.” He murmured. He gave me a significant look, and I nodded. Mom just stared, seeming confused, like she had a puzzle she couldn’t work out.   
“There’s no easy way to say this, Linda. So I’m just going to say it, as plainly as I can. I’m in love with your son. I love him, and I want him to marry me.” He said, his voice clear as a bell in the silent room. He entwined our fingers and I gave him a weak smile, too afraid to even look at her.   
Eventually, though, I had to, because she hadn’t spoken.   
She was staring at us blankly, but horror was etched into her plain expression.   
“Mama, I know it’s hard to understand, but I love him, and he loves me. We’ve been together since I turned eighteen, and I’m sorry I lied to you, I really am.” I said, shaking my head.   
“But I want to marry him, Mom. He’s everything.” I whispered, tears falling down my cheeks when she still just stared blankly. Gerard rubbed a hand down my back and I sniffed, wiping my eyes.   
“This whole time?” she whispered eventually. I nodded, avoiding her gaze.  
“Yeah. This whole time.” I mumbled.  
“But…Cameron…” she stammered. I sighed.  
“He was a cover up. I mean…we were dating, sort of, for a bit. But he was a cover up.” I explained. Her eyes flickered to Gerard and she stared at him accusingly.  
“Did you fuck him?” she hissed.  
“ _Mom.”  
_ “Frank! Quiet!” she snapped. I bit my lip.  
“Did you have sex with my son?” she asked him again. I raised my eyes up to Gerard, and noticed the tears spilling down his face. He sniffed and nodded, pressing his lips together.   
“ _Answer me!”_ She demanded in an uncharacteristically sharp voice.  
“Yes.” He whispered, his voice hoarse. She was silent for a few more moments, her eyes flicking between he and I. She was angry and betrayed, and I knew it was my fault.   
“You’re never going to see my son ever again.” She said, her voice cold. Gerard made a choked noise.   
“No, Mom, please!” I cried, holding him tighter. Her face remained impassive, but her lip curled in disgust.  
“He’s a fucking pedophile, Frank!”  
“He’s not! Mom, I love him. I love him, please.”  
“Oh my God.” She gasped. Her eyes focused on him.   
“W-what?” I whispered.  
“Those lovebites. Those horrible lovebites. They were all you.” She whispered in disgust.  
“Yes.” He sobbed. She covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head.  
“Get the fuck out of my house. You’re never seeing him ever again.” She snapped.  
“Mom, please. Don’t. I can’t…I need him, please.” I begged. She ignored me.  
“You’re lucky I’m not calling the police. You’re so fucking lucky. So get the fuck out before I change my mind. And if I ever see you near my boy again, I’ll have you arrested, or I’ll shoot you myself.” She hissed. Gerard stood up without any argument. He turned to face me, tears sliding down his face.  
“I’m so sorry.” He barely choked out. I jumped to my feet and hugged him tightly.   
“I love you. Please don’t go.” I begged. He stroked my hair.  
“I’m sorry.” He repeated. In desperation, I leaned up and crashed my lips against his, holding him tightly. He held me back, but it was weak and feeble, like he didn’t even have the strength to fight for me.   
And maybe he didn’t.   
Mom wasn’t even looking at us when we pulled away. He brushed my hair one last time with his hand and kissed my forehead, making his way to the door.   
It struck me then the severity of our situation. He’d die without me. And I couldn’t live without him – nor would I ever want to. Having made these conclusions, my next words spilled out without my consent.   
“I’m coming with you!” I called. He froze and stared at me, his expression of shock matching my Mother’s.  
“You can’t.” My mom said firmly.  
“Yes I can. I’m eighteen and I’m an adult and I love him. I’m going with him.” I said.   
“This is ridiculous!” she exclaimed.  
“N-no it’s not. I’ll take him.” He whispered. I beamed at him despite my tears, and he replied with a weak smile.   
“Frank, stop this. You can’t be serious.” My Mom said, getting to her feet.   
“I am. I’m so, so serious. If you say I can’t see him anymore while I live under this roof, then fine. I’ll live under his. I’m there enough anyway.” I said. She looked actually wounded, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. It wasn’t me being unreasonable, it was her.   
“You can’t leave me. I’ll be alone and-“  
“And what? If I stay, I can’t see him. I’d rather die, Mom. I’d rather die than not have him!” I cried.   
“You’re just a fucking child. You don’t know what you want.” She snapped.   
“I want him! I’ve been through so fucking much with him. He and I have faced things that most people can only imagine. Did you know that I saved him from killing himself on multiple occasions? One of the times being over the phone while you were in the next room? Or that I was there when his brother woke up from his coma? Or that I was sexually harassed and he helped me through it? Did you even realize any of that?” I spat. She looked taken aback, and for good reason.  
“How could I? You didn’t tell me. You hid it from me…”   
“Because I knew this would happen. We wanted to tell you about our getting married so that you’d be happy for us and give us your blessing, because you’re the most important person in the world to me. I love you, Mom, I do. But I can’t be without him. I won’t even try.”   
Gerard moved forward tentatively and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my head. I leaned against his chest, comforted by his presence. Mom watched us with wide, curious eyes, like she wasn’t completely sure what she was seeing.   
“I can’t. I can’t be okay with this. How can you even ask?” she whispered.  
“I’m marrying him, Mom. I want you to be a part of it.” I murmured.   
“What about Uni? When you go away-“  
“We’re gonna work that out when we get there. We don’t know everything, and we’re scared. The whole world has been against us this whole time, and now that we can finally be together, I want you to understand. Please understand.” I begged.   
“I can’t.” she sighed after a moment. I felt my heart drop.   
“I have some stuff at Gerard’s place. I’ll come back for the rest another time.” I whispered. She looked heartbroken, tears streaming down her face, but there was nothing I could do.   
I reached forward and hugged her tightly.  
“Reconsider.” She whispered. I sighed.  
“I was going to say the same to you.” I murmured.   
The look in her eye matched the look in mine, and I knew then that neither of us would ever change.   
It was for that reason, and that reason alone, that I left a few moments later with Gerard. We were both shaking and fighting tears, but by the time we’d slid into the car, we’d lost all composure.   
He sobbed in my arms and I sobbed in his. We exchanged wet, salty kisses, holding each other bruisingly tight.   
“I’d never have let you go.” He whispered.  
“Now you don’t have to.”  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t be. I made the right choice.” I murmured confidently.  
It was true, too. I knew I’d miss my Mother, if she never came around, and I knew that she needed me. But I needed him, and he needed me.   
After all, my Mother gave me my life so I could live it. I pondered this idea as Gerard started up the car, his hand resting on my thigh as he drove us back to his place.   
Perhaps, then, it was time for me to start living.   
Really living.


	62. "Anyway, here's wonderwall"

The prospect of living with Gerard full time wasn’t exactly unwelcome. It meant that I could see him whenever I wanted to, and that there was no dictating how often I could see him, or what we could do. That was good.   
The only real downside to living with him was that he was somewhat overbearing at times, and I found, very quickly, that I couldn’t actually spend an extended amount of time around him without either fucking him or wanting to punch him.   
Sometimes both.   
He was very strict in terms of my plans, too. Now that we lived together, it was easier for him to interject when I wanted to go out with my friends – bringing up, constantly, that once incident with the girl. As much as I told him that it wouldn’t happen again, he still kept a very firm grip – often suggesting that I bring my friends to his place instead of going out to meet them.   
I tried this only once. Joe came over for an Evil Dead marathon, which I thought would be safe, since Gerard wasn’t a massive fan of those movies.   
I was wrong, though. He came downstairs and cuddled me through the movie, pressing kisses to my neck, his hand stroking my thigh. I wouldn’t have normally minded, but I could tell that Joe was heavily uncomfortable – which he made evident when he stammered an excuse and stumbled from the house in the middle of the second movie, which I couldn’t even blame him for.   
After that occasion, Gerard admitted that he was being overbearing, and said I could go out whenever I wanted, as long as I always came back to him.  
I said yes, and didn’t add that I had nowhere else to go.

 

Other than that, living with Gerard was pretty perfect. Every morning I got to wake up with him wrapped tightly around me, and every night I got to sleep with him in the same position. We had sex more often, and he taught me how to cook (not that he was a great cook himself, but he was better than my Mom).   
Not only that, but the close proximity gave me more opportunities to hang out with Mikey, who I’d formed quite the comradeship with.   
When I was bored (or, more specifically, when I was mad at Gerard) I’d go to Mikey’s room and hang out. We’d normally just watch movies or read comics or whatever. He was sort of like Gerard, but nowhere near as aggravating or horny. And that was nice – it was nice to spend time with someone who was _almost_ like the love of my life. Mikey also frequently took my side in arguments, which was always a plus.   
I liked to think it was because we both loved Gerard so much.   
It was for this reason as well that both Mikey and I monitored Gerard’s alcohol consumption so closely. I could tell that Mikey was relieved that I was there, because it was easier to tell if he’d been drinking or not – especially because I had the added advantage of tasting it on his lips.   
It’s not that Gerard drank a lot or often, it was that he shouldn’t be drinking _at all_ in his condition, so – unsurprisingly – it was a measure for concern when he came home with whisky stained on his lips.   
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” He’d assure me when I asked him to talk to me about it.   
“Just a drink. Just had one.” He’d say as he got undressed. That was normally when I’d frown and say that he reeked of it, and he’d roll his eyes and ignore me for the rest of the night. He hated when I commented on his drinking, and I hated when he drank – we were at somewhat of an impasse on that subject.   
Again, though, that was only a minor hiccup, and one that we’d get used to, eventually. Mikey pointed out that our little arguments were good, and that this whole situation was useful for when we got married. The mention of marriage, of course, always made Gerard go all soft, and usually ended up with us in bed together.   
To be honest, though, most things ended up with Gerard and I in bed together. He really, really liked to fuck. I was fine with that, as long as I was the one he was fucking (which I was. I was sure of that, because I was always around him. More benefits of our living together).   
The one downside that really, really hurt, though, was my Mom. I missed her like hell. It was painful enough to make me wake up in the middle of the night sobbing, and have to have Gerard stroke my hair silently. For maybe the first three nights he’d try to comfort me, but by now, he’d just sit and stroke my hair silently, knowing that there was nothing he could say to fix it. I knew he blamed himself, and I guess in a way I agreed with him. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. Mostly.   
I was, in some ways, being slightly overdramatic. I knew that if I just called my Mom, we could probably sort things out. But she hadn’t attempted to contact me, due to her own stubbornness, and therefore I refused to talk to her.   
“You know you two are exactly alike? Fucking stubborn.” Gerard muttered, shaking his head. I glared at him.   
“No we’re not. _She_ is stubborn. I’m just making a point.”  
“By being stubborn.”  
“Shut up.” I snapped. He just sighed. I knew he was right, of course, but I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence – that would mean she’d won, and she needed to know that she definitely hadn’t.   
So, for the next couple of weeks, the nightmares and general melancholy mood followed me around, even despite Gerard’s best efforts to keep me happy – and he did try hard. I couldn’t deny that. He was everything I could have asked for right now and more. It just wasn’t enough sometimes.

 

“We’re going out.” He announced one morning. Mikey barely looked up from his breakfast, but he’d piqued my interest.   
“Where?” I asked, tilting my head. He grinned.   
“I thought we could go for a drive.” He said. Mikey snorted in amusement, and Gerard shot him a look.  
“What?”  
“You drive everywhere, Gee. Every week you have an hour drive to the hospital.” Mikey pointed out. Though, that wasn’t strictly true. Of recent, Mikey had been driving himself.   
“No, but this will be fun. We’ll drive down to a park and have a picnic or something.” Gerard shrugged, helping himself to a bite of my toast. I let him have it, knowing that there was no way to stand between Gerard Way and food.  
Mikey looked at him incredulously.   
“A picnic?” he snorted. Gerard stuck his tongue out.  
“Well, you’re not invited.” He teased. Mikey chuckled.  
“Literally, completely fine by me. I wouldn’t want to throw off the amount of gay.” He replied. Gerard wiggled his eyebrows.  
“C’mon Mikes. You’re a little bit gay.”  
“Nope.” He said, taking a sip of coffee.   
“You fucked Frank.” Gerard said bluntly. I blushed, and Mikey spluttered.  
“We didn’t… that wasn’t fucking! And I didn’t even want to, no offence, Frank, but…it’s because of your damn voyeurism kink!” he said nervously. Gerard scoffed.  
“I think you’re being a bit defensive.” He said, before turning back to me.  
“Anyway. Drive. Picnic. Sound good?” he asked hopefully. I grinned and held his hand.  
“It sounds perfect, Gee.”   
He leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear.  
“And you can suck me off in the car if you want.” He murmured. A chill ran down my spine and I bit my lip. He met my gaze and I nodded slowly. Mikey groaned, and we both flicked our heads to where he was looking down at his plate and blushing furiously.  
“You’re both so gross. And Gee, you can’t whisper.” He snapped. Gerard kissed me on the cheek and stood up.   
“Well…sorry.” He said with a non-committal shrug. I squeezed his hand as he left the room.   
I was aware, for some time, that Mikey was watching me.   
“So you’re marrying him.” He said bluntly. I smiled softly and nodded. He smiled back.   
“Yeah, good. I mean, you’re gross but…but he loves you, Frank. He loves you so much.” He said with a gentle smile. I sighed.  
“I know he does. And I love him.”  
“I know. It’s really great. Honestly, I’m super happy for both of you.” He grinned. I cocked an eyebrow.   
“Excited to have me as a brother?” I teased. He chuckled softly and gave me a soft smile, patting my hand.   
“You’re already my brother, dude.” he smiled. I sighed, biting my lip.  
“Thanks, Mikey. That means a lot. I mean, I think we’ve come a long way since you told me you wanted to punch me the first time you met me.” I joked. He laughed.  
“Well, can you blame me?”  
“Not really. I was an asshole.”  
“You still are.” He said, kicking my leg under the table. I rolled my eyes and stood up, stretching.   
“Well, whatever. You’re not invited to my wedding.” I said, walking out from the room.   
“Good!” he called. I chuckled to myself as I made my way upstairs to get ready.

 

 

Gerard’s eyes flickered to me several times as he drove.  
“What?” I asked, laughing. He shrugged.  
“I just think you’re pretty.” He said simply, taking my hand and bringing it up to his lips. He brushed his mouth against my skin, making the thin hairs stand up, a shiver coursing through me.  
“God, Gee.” I chuckled. He smiled softly.   
“What?”  
“You’re pretty.” I retaliated. He sighed happily, leaning back and letting the sunshine wash over his face. It illuminated his high cheekbones, the sharp slide of his nose, and the way it flicked up at the end. It brought out the green and gold in his hazel eyes. His mouth twitched up in a smirk.   
“So pretty you gotta stare at me?” He teased. I squeezed his hand.  
“Most definitely.” I breathed. He let out a sharp laugh, turning the volume on the radio up slightly higher.   
His eyes glimmered when he heard what song it was.

“This song is so bad.”  I groaned. He ignored me.   
“ _VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR”  
_ “You’re a dork.” I muttered, but couldn’t help but beam as he sang along to the song, his impressions of the higher female voice being, surprisingly, actually pretty good. I snorted with laughter as he differentiated between all the different voices, batting his eyelashes as he sang.  
“Your voice is actually good. That’s the bad part.” I smiled. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah. You’re really good.” I assured him. He shrugged like it didn’t matter, but I could see that the compliment had meant a lot to him. I pressed my lips together and smiled.  
“What? I bet you wanted to be in a band, didn’t you.” I pressed. He blushed.   
“I…I guess so.” He shrugged.   
“Go onnnnnnn” I said, nudging him. He sighed, laughing gently.  
“Okay! Okay. Yeah, alright? I wanted to be in a band. I was gonna play guitar and sing, but I sucked, so they kicked me out.” He said passively. I leaned back in the seat.  
“Huh. Well. I think you’re good.” I grinned. He kissed my hand again, letting his lips drop down to my wrist, feeling my pulse push against his mouth.  
“I love you.” He breathed against my skin. I flushed.  
“What about that blowjob?” I breathed. He let out a laugh, dropping our joined hands.  
“Maybe later. I like this.” He admitted. My heart swelled with joy and love.  
“I like this too.” I agreed, trying to savour the way his hand felt pushed against mine. It was a perfect fit – something I found somewhat ironic, considering the destructive and dysfunctional nature of our relationship.   
“I like you.” He grinned, leaning his head back on the seat. I raised my eyebrows.  
“Just like? That’s insulting, Gee.” I said, feigning hurt. He rolled his eyes and nudged my thigh.   
“I love you, idiot. We’re getting married, aren’t we?” he grinned, and I couldn’t help but feel the swell of elation in my chest. I ran my thumb over my ring, biting my lip.  
“We are. We so are.” I beamed.   
“You sound excited.” He noted. I chuckled and nodded.  
“I am. God, I’m so excited.”   
“Yeah, Mr. Way?” he asked with a gentle smirk. My heart hammered in my chest.   
“Mm. God, that sounds so good.”  
“Frank and Gerard Way. All of our mail will be addressed to Mr. Way and Mr. Way. Or we could make it like, Iero-Way.”  
“No! No, I want your name.” I insisted. He smirked, trailing his hand up my thigh.   
“That makes you the wife.” He said.   
“But you’re the one who has a dick inside them, so I think _you’re_ the wife.” I retaliated. He laughed loudly, shaking his head in amusement.   
“Okay, kid. You got me there. Now shut up.” He teased, holding my hand again.   
I rolled my eyes at him, when I noticed him smiling like a fucking idiot. That wasn’t particularly unusual though, considering he _was_ a fucking idiot.   
“Why are you smiling, you dork?” I said, poking his cheek. He bit his lip.  
“I can feel your ring against my finger.” He said. I smiled.  
“You’re so lame.” I said, even though the words made my heart flutter.

 

We parked the car along a thin road which was covered sparsely in other parked cars. That was good – I couldn’t stand it when a lot of people decided to have picnics in the same area.   
The term picnic in this case is used very, very loosely. We didn’t have food or even anything to drink – but we did have a guitar. I’d seen it in Gerard’s room when we were clearing out space for me to put my stuff, and I’d claimed it – I’d even scrawled my name on the back of it in permanent marker. Gerard had pretended to be angry at me, but I could see the adoration in his eyes.   
He didn’t have a case for it or anything, so I just held it in my hand as we walked through the woods, looking at the tall expanses of trees above our heads.   
“I’ve never been here before.” I said, biting my lip. Gerard smiled, taking my hand.   
“I have, a few times.” He said with a shrug. I laughed.  
“What? No melancholy anecdote?” I teased. He raised an eyebrow.  
“I don’t think you’d want to hear it.”  
“Well, now you _have_ to tell me.” I prodded. He laughed.  
“Fine. See that little river there?” He said, pointing to a small stream running in the distance. I nodded. He looked at me for a moment and laughed.  
“Okay. Bert fingered me for half an hour in there.”  
“ _Oh_. Wait, he fingered you? You guys didn’t fuck?” I asked, feeling genuinely confused. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.   
“No. I like…ah, just fingers sometimes.” He admitted with a blush.   
“Where else have you…done stuff?” I asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Gerard shook his head.  
“No. No way. None of that stuff needs to have happened, okay? This can just be our place now.” He said, squeezing my hand. I smiled, but I didn’t feel at all comforted – maybe it had to do with the mention of Bert. After all, this had been the first time we’d talked about him since ‘the incident’.   
I hadn’t realized I’d been acting weirdly until Gerard stopped, putting his hands on my shoulders.   
“Frankie. Calm down.” He said. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.   
“I’m sorry…it’s…”  
“No, I know. Fuck, I shouldn’t have told you that. I shouldn’t have brought him up. I’m so sorry.” He said, petting my hair. I shook my head, but I felt the tears slide down my face.   
“It’s fine. It’s fine, let’s just-“ I began, but he cut me off by kissing me. I dropped the guitar, barely caring when I heard it hit the floor, and held his face, kissing him back, our lips moving urgently against each other.   
“I love you.” He choked against my mouth.   
“I want to fuck you.” I replied. He laughed, pulling away a little, and I felt rejection hit me in the pit of my stomach.   
“Can’t we just…not fuck? Just for today?” he asked. I felt my heart throb with embarrassment.  
“O-oh. Oh, I mean-“  
“Shit, Frankie. I want you. I just think it’s nice to…to not fuck.”  
“Yeah. Shit, I’m such a slut,” I frowned. He tilted my head up and kissed me.  
“You are. And I love it. I love you, Mr. Way.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

 

Ideally, the place where we stopped to sit would have been perfect – right near the river, on a wide expanse of grass, the sun shining on us. And sure, that’s pretty much where we ended up, but it had more to do with the fact that I couldn’t be bothered to hold the guitar anymore than Gerard being romantic.   
We flopped to the floor and I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I leaned against him.   
“It’s too hot.” I said, shrugging off my hoodie. He didn’t reply, and I turned to face him, and bit my lip when I realized he was unbuttoning his shirt.  
“Gee…”  
“Shut up, I’m hot, okay?” he said with a blush. I wiggled my eyebrows as he threw his shirt to the side, the sun glistening off his bare chest.  
“Mm. I’ll say.” I said, stroking my hand down his smooth chest. He bit his lip, his head falling back.   
“Love that.” He mumbled, almost sleepily. I let my fingertips run down his chest, smiling as I felt his chest rise and fall against my hand.   
“Play me somethin’.” He murmured, gesturing to the guitar. I pulled it onto my lap and strummed it softly as I tuned it, sighing as the sun hit my face.  
“Any preference?” I murmured, my fingers dragging over the strings.  
“Anything. Play me something nice.” He asked, his hand sliding down my arm.   
I bit my lip as I started to play, my fingers making their journey across the fret board as my other hand strummed the guitar almost carelessly. I knew what the guys meant when they said I made it look easy.   
“Shit, Frank.” Gerard laughed.  
“Hm?”  
“That song. I haven’t heard it in forever.” He admitted.   
And okay, maybe the first song I thought to play was the Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams. And maybe Gerard laughed a little and leaned against me.   
He sang along like I knew he would, and I couldn’t help but grin as I watched him. He got so into it, his eyes widening, and a smirk playing at his lopsided lips. I couldn’t contain the joy that spread through me. He was perfect, and this was perfect.   
“We should start a fuckin’ band.” He said, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He stuck one in my mouth, then his, and lit them both up. I pushed the guitar to the side and let the smoke billow out from my lips.   
“Maybe. Maybe once I finish university. And if your comics don’t take off.” I teased, nudging his leg with my foot.   
“They will. I’m awesome.” He grinned.  
“Have you sold anything? Since that one of me?” I asked. He nodded, grinning around the smoke.   
“Yeah, I drew a fuckin’ dragon a few weeks back, and that sold for quite a bit.” He said, nodding slowly.   
“I’m not surprised. You’re an artistic genius, my love.” I said, leaning towards him. He grinned and kissed me, pulling away to take another drag.   
“Well. Maybe we could write a comic book together, you know? You write it and I’ll draw it.”  
“Shit, yeah.” I grinned. He chuckled, putting his cigarette out on the floor, and holding his hand out for mine, before repeating the action.  
“It could be like, a superhero and his sidekick, and they’re both gay.”  
“For each other?” I asked with a giggle.  
“Yeah. Yeah, definitely. But they don’t know.”  
“Aw man!”  
“Yeah, they don’t know that they love each other, but everyone else does.”  
“Adorable.” I grinned, resting my head in his lap. He stroked through my hair, dipping his head to kiss my forehead occasionally.   
“Tell me a story, Gee.” I sighed, lacing our fingers together.   
“Okay. So, you remember that field trip we all took a couple years back?”  
“Yeah, it was like, historical.”  
“Or something. Anyway, so you remember that there was two members of staff in each tent on either side of the student campsite.”  
“I do.”  
“And all the kids’ tents were in the middle?”  
“Yeah. I remember. I shared with Chris and he kicked me.”  
“Okay, so I was sharing my tent with Mr. Tucker.”  
“Probably so he could keep an eye on you.” I observed. Gerard laughed.  
“Most likely. But anyway. So, I woke up at…god. It must have been like 5am? And…I heard something.”  
I sat up a little, looking at him with an eager interest.  
“What did you hear?” I asked. He pressed his lips together, his eyes shining.  
“The unmistakable noise, Frankie, of someone…uh, pleasuring themselves.” He said, his voice dark. I squealed, sitting upright.  
“No! No way!” I cried, my hands over my mouth. Gerard grimaced and nodded.  
“Ugh. It was…awful. I just lay there like, wondering what to do.”  
“What did you do?”  
“Nothing. I pretended to sleep.” He admitted sheepishly. I cackled with laughter, tears running down my face.   
“Beautiful. That’s beautiful.” I gasped, wiping my eyes. He slung an arm over my shoulder, grinning as he kissed the side of my head.   
“And that is the most disturbing thing that’s ever happened to me.” He said, almost by way of conclusion.   
I giggled, practically pouring myself into his lap. He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, kissing the back of my neck gently. His hand, I noticed, went straight to my ring, twisting it around my finger.   
“You’re going to love me forever, aren’t you, Frank?” he murmured. I smiled.  
“Yeah, baby. Forever and ever.” I beamed.   
The moment was interrupted by the blare of my ringtone from my jeans pocket.   
“Sorry, it’s probably just-“ I began, but froze when I saw who it was.   
It was my Mother.   
“Answer it.” Gerard said immediately when he saw who it was. I chewed my lip.   
“I…I don’t-“  
“Frank!”  
“Fine!” I said, hitting the answer button. I took a breath.

“Hi Mom.” I mumbled. She gave a small sigh of relief.   
“Frankie. Are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t call, I just-“  
“No, I know. Me too.”  
“Are you safe? Are you alright?”  
“I’m okay. He’s taking care of me.”  
“That’s good.” She said.   
A short silence followed, during which I chewed my lip nervously until she spoke again.  
“I miss you.”  
“I miss you too, Mama.”   
“I guess…there’s no convincing you to come back home?” she asked.  
“Probably not. I’m happy.”  
“That’s good. I want you to be.”  
“I’m sorry for lying to you.”  
“It’s fine. I understand. I’m sorry for freaking out.”  
“I understand.” I said with a small smile.   
“Is…is Gerard well?” she asked almost reluctantly. I flickered my eyes to him and grinned.  
“He’s well, thank you. He feels awful about-“  
“I don’t want to hear it.” She said, a sharp edge to her voice. I sighed.  
“Okay. Well. I love you.”  
“And I love you. And miss you. At least come visit me soon, alright?”  
“I will.”  
“But um. Without him.”  
“I guess…yeah. Okay.” I muttered.   
Neither of us were good at goodbyes, so I didn’t take it personally when she hung up suddenly. I slid the phone back into my pocket, and was (happily) surprised by Gerard kissing me.  
“Everything okay?” he murmured, combing his hands through my hair. I wrapped my arms around his waist.  
“Of course I’m happy, Gee. I’m with you.” I smiled.


	63. Permanent markers

“You’re insane, Frank Iero.” Gerard grinned, grabbing the marker from inside the kitchen drawer. I pulled my sleeve up and held my arm out invitingly, a grin on my face.   
“No I’m not. I love you. Why isn’t this a good idea?” I demanded. He laughed, holding my arm steady.   
“Well. For one thing, if I fuck it up, you’re gonna have some fucked up tattoo for the rest of your life.” He pointed out. I shrugged.   
“I can deal with that.”   
“And also, what if you hate it?”  
“Then you’ll draw me another one.” I smiled. He chuckled, laying my arm over his lap.  
“Okay, fine. Only because you’re cute. Just stay still, alright?” he murmured as he began to draw on my arm.

  
The idea had come to me a few days before, while I was watching him draw. Though, being honest, the words came out of my mouth a while before the idea had really formed.   
“You should totally draw me a tattoo.”   
He just stared at me, an eyebrow raised in amusement.   
“Don’t you think that’s a little bit ironic? Considering I hate needles?”  
“Well, you love tattoos and you love me. So get drawing, art boy.”

 

He’d been reluctant at first – he wasn’t, after all, completely confident in his drawing skills. But I convinced him, and together, we worked out a design. It was the image of an anchor, with the letters ‘NJ’ on either side of it.   
“It’s so you’ll never forget me.” He explained when he showed it to me, and I fell in love with the idea straight away.   
“I could always draw a comic book strip along the length of your arm.” He grinned as he began to draw. I laughed, trying not to shake my arm too much.   
“Maybe next time.” I smiled. He chuckled.  
“Next time? Am I going to be drawing you any more tattoos, kiddo?” he asked with a smile.   
“All of them. I’m gonna have hundreds, and you’re gonna draw all of them.” I told him.   
“Maybe I’ll draw a size-accurate drawing of my dick on your arm.” He teased.   
“I don’t have arms big enough.” I replied with a wink. He actually laughed out loud at that, shooting me a smile.   
“You little shit.” He murmured, leaning close to my arm. The tattoo wasn’t particularly large or intricate, but he treated it like it was a masterpiece, spending way more time on it than I thought he would, and slapping my thigh every time I moved, the tickling feeling of the pen on my skin becoming too much, and making it impossible to sit still.   
“You’re a child.” He scolded, but a smirk twitched at his lip.   
“You already knew that, Mr. Way.” I purred. His eyes flicked up to me and he smiled.  
“Shut up, kid.” He snapped in feigned annoyance, poking his tongue out at me, before turning his attention back to the drawing, his eyebrows knitting together.   
I couldn’t help but watch him in his concentration, the way his eyes locked onto my skin, or the way his tongue poked out, only slightly, from the edge of his lips as he created art on my skin. It’s ironic, almost, the way I stared at him. I didn’t care any more about how the tattoo looked, because it’s not the true art. He is. He always is.

 

Too soon for my liking, and much too early for me to finish examining him, he pulled away and flashed me a smile.  
“It’s done.” He said, rising to his feet and pressing a kiss to my forehead.   
“Thank you.” I smiled.   
“Don’t touch it, okay? You can look at it, but don’t touch it, or you’ll smudge it.” He warned, making his way to the kitchen. I heard the faint noise of a drawer opening, and turned my attention to the drawing. I was almost shocked at the detail, the precision of the drawing. Almost. I couldn’t be truly shocked, because I could never expect anything less than perfection from him.  
He returned a few moments later with a roll of tissue, and wrapped it carefully around my arm, taping it on the end like a bandage.   
“I asked Reg’. He said he can fit you in this afternoon, if you want.” He smiled. I leaned forward and pecked his lips.  
“Perfect. I don’t suppose you’d actually come in with me?” I smiled. He shrugged.  
“I can if you’d like me to.”   
“But you’ll pass out.” I said. He pressed another kiss to my lips.  
“I’d pass out all day for you.” He said. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away affectionately.  
“No, it’s okay. You can go dork out over comics and shit.” I said, and he shot me a grateful smile.   
“Sweetie, you’re the best.” He said, stroking my cheek. I covered his hand, smiling gently at him.  
“You’re even better. You’re my favourite.” I promised. He smirked, drawing my face closer and kissing me delicately, his lips barely brushing mine.   
“Yeah? Your favourite, Frankie?” he smiled, his hands holding my hips. His hands were warm, and I could feel the expanses of his hands on me.   
“You know you are. You know you’re the love of my life, Gerard.” I grinned. He shrugged and kissed me again.  
“If you say so.” He murmured against my mouth.   
“If we didn’t have to go-“  
“But we do.” He grinned, pulling away from me. I rolled my eyes.  
“You’re such a tease.” I said, standing up. He wrapped an arm around my waist, his hand gliding along the curve of my ass.   
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He smiled as he squeezed my ass.   
“Tease.” I muttered under my breath, but smiled nonetheless as he led me out to get my second tattoo – the second of many, I hoped.

 

My nervousness – which was undeniably prominent – had a lot less to do with the actual tattoo, than it did the prospect of me going back into Reggie’s. Sure, Gerard would be with me, and it was clear that nobody would even think of coming near me with him around, but I was still apprehensive about it.   
“You know, nobody will even look at you while I’m around.” Gerard told me as he drove, his hand lightly resting on my thigh. I slid my hand into his and sighed, leaning my head back on the seat.   
“But…you see my point, right? I mean, I’m not being crazy, am I?” I asked, desperate for validation. He shrugged.  
“Of course I see your point. You’re absolutely right to be nervous, baby. I’m just saying that you don’t need to be.” He said, he turned to face me and gave me a gentle smile.  
“I’ll always protect you.” He said firmly, bringing our hands to his lips and kissing them. I sighed, feeling a little bit better, but still twitching slightly with nerves. He kissed our joint hands again, before resting them in my lap. I turned my head towards him and watched him as he drove, the sun glinting off his sunglasses, and illuminating the wet line on his bottom lip from where he’d licked it.   
“I should get your fuckin’ face tattooed on me.” I told him. He laughed, his hand squeezing mine gently.   
“Yeah. Right on your ass.” He agreed.   
“What? So I can sit on your face all day?”  
“Don’t you do that anyway?” he smirked. I rolled my eyes, bouncing my knees up and down in anticipation. Gerard looked at me and chuckled to himself.  
“You’re so cute.” He murmured.   
“I know.” I sighed, leaning my head back. He smiled and turned the volume up on the radio a little bit louder, bobbing his head and singing along.  
“I wish I could hate your music, but I don’t.” I sighed.   
“Everybody likes Bowie, kiddo. Everybody.” He said, squeezing my hand as he sung along.   
“Kiddo. As if it’s not obvious enough that I’m too young for you.” I teased. He arched an eyebrow.   
“You’re too young for me?” he asked in mock surprise. I sighed dramatically.  
“Sure are, Grandpa. You should be ashamed.” I said, shaking my head in disapproval. He shrugged, sighing in defeat.  
“I know, I’m awful. I’m just addicted to your tight ass. Sue me.” He grinned.   
I nodded solemnly.   
“I will. And then I’ll use the money to buy myself a cool car so I can pick up chicks.” I grinned. He snorted.  
“You can’t drive, dumbass.” He beamed. I groaned and sank down in my seat – partially because of what he’d said, and partially because I could see Reggie’s shop approaching.

 

Gerard told me to go into the shop first while he found a parking space, and I froze. He sighed and raised his eyebrows.   
“Frankie? Seriously? I’ll be five minutes. Less.” He said, punctuating his point with an incredulous eyebrow-raise. I nodded meekly and started to walk away, when he called me back.  
“I love you.” He said with a warm smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.  
“Hurry up.” I replied, turning and entering the shop.   
I literally shivered when I walked in the door, feeling like I was walking into an arctic blizzard. The cause of this was the old, rattling air conditioner at the side of the store that hummed loudly and annoyingly. Feeling paranoid, I let my eyes flicker around the room. Nobody was even looking at me. That was good; as much as I knew I was being ridiculous, the incident with the men before, as well as what happened with Bert, made me hyper-vigilant. Not that there was anything wrong with being extra careful, of course.   
I nervously made my way over to the comics and started looking through – looking, but not actually seeing. My heart beating in my chest was too loud for me to actually concentrate.   
When I felt a pair of hands on my hips, I froze. I knew I should have done something, or said something, but I couldn’t., I just froze and prayed that Gerard or Reggie would come out soon enough. Whoever it was put their lips to my ear.   
“Relax.” He murmured, and I felt a rush of warmth go through me. I relaxed back into Gerard’s arms and he held me tightly, pressing kisses to my neck. I turned to look at him, and something in my expression must have given me away, because he frowned.   
“Baby? What’s wrong?” He asked, brushing the side of my face. I sucked in a deep breath.   
“I…I didn’t know it was you…” I stammered. He pulled me close and kissed my forehead.  
“I’m sorry. I should’ve said something. I didn’t realize…I’m sorry.” He whispered. I shook my head and burrowed further into his chest.   
“No, it’s okay. It’s okay.” I breathed, just happy to be near him. Gerard broke apart from me and smiled, taking my hand. Our moment was interrupted by a voice that was vaguely familiar to me.   
“Gerard! Hey pal!” called someone from across the store. Gerard turned and his face dropped.   
“Jones.” He said curtly. My heart pounded in my chest as I regarded the man who had, only a few months ago, tried to force me to suck his dick behind the store. This was exactly what I didn’t want.   
The man barely looked at me, though, grinning brightly at Gerard.  
“How’ve you been, dude? It’s been-“  
“I heard you were banned from here.” Gerard cut in coldly. I froze – he knew. Jones’ eyes flicked to me, then back to Gerard.

“I…I was for a bit. Reg’ said I could come back.” He said weakly. Gerard held my hand tighter and stepped forwards.  
“How about you tell me exactly why you got banned in the first place?” He growled.   
“Gee-“  
“Not now, Frank.” He snapped. I bit my lip and looked down. Jones looked terrified.  
“I…I don’t…I don’t remember…” he stammered, but by the way his eyes kept turning onto me, I knew it was a lie. Gerard pulled me closer, even as I shrank away from him.   
“Are you sure, Jones? You sure it didn’t have anything to do with my boy here?” He said, his voice cold and precise. It made me almost as nervous as it made Jones.  
“Gerard, stop, please.” I whispered. I expected him to tell me to be quiet again, but this time he turned to me, his eyes surprisingly soft.  
“What is it, baby?” he asked gently, as if he hadn’t been preparing to murder someone seconds before. I swallowed hard.  
“You’re scaring me. Stop. It was ages ago. Just stop.” I whispered. He stammered, his eyes moving between me and Jones, who was looking at him with the same pleading expression that I was.   
“Okay.” He breathed, and I gave a smile of appreciation. He turned back to Jones and glared at him.   
“From now on, you don’t touch my boy, you don’t look at him, you don’t even think about looking at him. If I see you even breathe in his direction, I’ll crush your fucking windpipe.” He snarled, but there was less vigor in it now. Jones started stepping back, his eyes wide.  
“I promise. I promise, Gerard.” He whimpered. It was weird to see someone being afraid of him, and it made me uneasy. Gerard pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard, much to my surprise. I didn’t even have time to react before I heard Reggie’s voice.   
“Hey, Gee! You made your damn point, no fucking in my store!” he called, but there was no malice in it. Gerard pulled away and laughed, all signs of anger void from his face.   
“Sorry, Reg! You know how the smell of comics turns me on.” He laughed, pulling me up to the counter. Reg held out a hand and I shook it with a polite smile.   
“Although, I have to compliment you on putting Jones in his place. Fucking creep.” He said, shaking his head. Gerard shrugged.  
“Can’t have them thinking I’ve gone soft.” He beamed. It hit me, then, that he’d never intended to actually hurt the man. He just wanted to scare him.   
“You know ‘crush your windpipe’ has always been a favourite threat of mine.” Reggie smiled, as if Gerard had remembered his favourite song. Gerard laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist.  
“Knew you’d like it.” He beamed. Reggie turned to me and gestured to the tissue on my arm.  
“That it?” He asked. I nodded and pulled the tissue off. Reggie whistled and looked at Gerard appraisingly.  
“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times. There’s always work for you here, Gee.” He said. Gerard shrugged.  
“It’s fine. I’ll find something.” He said with a smile that was almost sad.   
“Well, the offer’s there. Anyway, I’m gonna take your boy into the back and make some art. You can go be a pussy over by the comics. I got some more Doom Patrol if you’re interested.” He smiled. Gerard leaned over the desk and pressed a gracious kiss to his mouth. Reggie frowned and wiped his lips.   
“Get your gay ass over there while I shove needles into your boyfriend.”  
“Fiancée.” Gerard corrected. Reggie rolled his eyes.  
“Whatever.” He said, taking my hand and pulling me towards the back. I reached up and managed to kiss Gerard before I left.   
“I love you.” I smiled. He beamed.  
“I know.”

 

Reggie already had all of his equipment ready, so he started on the tattoo straight away. I caught him smiling, and couldn’t help but smile myself.   
“What?” I asked. He held the needle poised as he ran over the lines Gerard had made in my skin.   
“You know how much easier this makes my job? This isn’t going to take long at all.” He said, patting my hand. I nodded.   
“It’s okay. I don’t mind the feeling.” I said. His eyes flickered up to me.  
“That means you’re going to have a bunch of them. They’re addictive.” He said. I nodded in agreement.  
“I’m already thinking about what I want next.” I admitted, and Reggie grinned.  
“Well, make sure you get ‘em all done here.” He said firmly, and I nodded - not that I even knew where else I would go.  
The room was silent for a few moments, filled only with the gentle buzz of the needle, and the music floating in from the next room.   
“So you’re marrying him.” He said. I nodded, a smile passing over my lips.  
“Yeah.” I said, wiggling my ring finger. Reggie chuckled.   
“He told me he was going to propose.” He said. I raised my eyebrows, though I wasn’t really surprised. Reggie seemed to know everything.   
“He did?”  
“Yeah. He was real nervous about it. He said that if you said no, he’d leave you.” He said solemnly. I could almost feel my heart breaking.

“What? Why?” I asked weakly.   
“Because he didn’t want you to feel like you had to stay with him. He’s in this forever, Frank, and if you’re not, then he doesn’t want to waste your time. Or his.” He said, and I felt like he was almost quoting him. I chewed my lip.  
“I did say no.” I murmured. Reggie nodded.  
“I know. He told me. He said that he had to try to change your mind, because he got cold feet about leaving.”   
“He wouldn’t have left.” I said confidently. Reggie gave a small laugh.  
“No, he wouldn’t have.” He agreed. His face turned solemn and he gave me a hard look.   
“But don’t be using that as an excuse to hurt him. He’s kind, and he loves you, but he’s not an idiot. If he’s being taken for a ride, he’ll leave.”   
“I don’t think I’d mind if Frank took me for a ride.” Gerard interrupted. Both Reggie and I started at the sound of his voice, and I had to quickly check that my tattoo hadn’t been ruined (which it hadn’t).

“I didn’t hear you come in.” I beamed. Gerard leaned against the door and looked at Reggie.  
“Stop lecturing him. He’s not going to hurt me.” Gerard said, rolling his eyes. He spoke with such confidence and trust in me that it almost hurt to hear. I had no idea if I’d hurt him or not. I probably would, going by my track record.   
“Not unless he asks me to.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows.  
“I most definitely will ask you to.” Gerard purred, and his voice sent a rush down to my crotch.  
“Jesus, guys! I’m trying to work!” Reggie snapped. I giggled and looked at Gerard, earning myself a wink. I bit my lip to hide my laughter. Gerard shot a cautious look at Reggie, before turning back to me and licking his lips in an overly sexualized way that made me bite down harder on my own lip. He brought his hand to his face and motioned giving a blowjob. I lost it at that. I laughed, and Reggie moved the needle away in frustration.   
“Gerard! Get your ass out of here!” he snapped, throwing a box of latex gloves at him. Gerard dodged it and leaned against the doorframe.   
“But I’m _bored.”_ He whined. Reggie chuckled.

“Why don’t you ask Jones to give you a blowjob?” he offered. I tensed, and Reggie rubbed my arm soothingly.   
“Ew. I’m not that bored.” Gerard said, wrinkling his nose. Reggie ignored him and turned back to my tattoo. A few moments later, Gerard sighed and walked back out of the room. Reggie chuckled under his breath.   
“He’s such a slut.” He murmured with a smirk. I rolled my eyes.   
“Don’t I know it.” I said, a smile stretching across my lips.

“Not that you mind.” Reggie said, giving me a pointed look. I snorted.   
“No. I don’t think I mind at all.” I agreed.

 

We paid for the tattoo and Gerard’s comics, with promises we’d be back soon, and then Gerard led me back out to his car, his arm tightly around my waist as we passed a group of guys near the door.   
“Is everyone in there gay?” I asked. Gerard shrugged.  
“No. But they’ll ask you to suck them off anyway. I don’t know how Reg’ attracts all these weird dudes.” He frowned.   
“Like you?” I teased, he slapped my arm teasingly and I hissed in pain. He widened his eyes.   
“Oh, sorry!” he said, giving me an impish smile. I pouted as I slid into the car, turning pointedly away from him.   
“That hurt.” I said. He giggled.   
“I’m sorry baby. It looks amazing though.” He said. I smiled down at it. I couldn’t even deny it – it looked so, so cool.   
“If you do say so yourself.” I said. He chuckled and held my hand as he pulled out onto the road.   
“Of course.” He said, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. I chewed my lip and leaned back in the seat. My arm still throbbed from where he’d hit it, but I barely thought of that. The sentimentality of the tattoo hit me all at once. Not only had he drawn it, and so I would have a part of him on me forever, but the actual image was very striking. The anchor – holding me down to this place. Holding me to him. It was more final than any ring could ever be.   
“I can’t wait to be your husband.” I grinned. He turned to look at me and smiled fondly, biting his lip. I loved it when he looked at me like this. Like I was the most goddamn beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. He looked at me like it was all he ever wanted to do. He let out a small laugh that sounded almost nervous to my ears.   
“I was under the assumption that you were the wife.” He said. I knew it wasn’t what he wanted to say, but I knew what he meant all the same.   
“I love you too.” I said, and he gave me the sort of smile that people saved for the people that understood them better than they understood themselves.


	64. Take me away

Mikey and I were in his room, playing a (perhaps not so friendly) game of _Call of Duty_ , when Gerard poked his head through the door, a wild grin on his face. I groaned – this couldn’t be good.   
“What is it, dork?” I said, barely taking my eyes off of the screen.   
“I have a surprise for you.” He said. I could almost hear the smile in his voice.   
“No thanks.” I grumbled. Mikey chuckled from beside me. Gerard made a disgruntled noise and shifted his weight onto his other foot. Mikey and I shared a significant look, and I paused the game, turning to look at Gerard.   
“Okay. You have my full attention. What’s up?” I asked. The smile crept back onto his face as he rocked back and forth on his heels.  
“I have a surprise for you.” He repeated. I laughed.  
“I got that much, babe. What is it?”  
“Well…okay. Okay, if you don’t want to, then I can totally refund it. It’s not a big deal. I just thought, since you’re going to University soon, that it’d be nice. Because we’ve spent a lot of this summer just sitting around, you know? And I think…I think we should…”  
“Spit it out.” Mikey snapped playfully. Gerard blushed and nodded.  
“You and I are gonna go away. For like, a few days. Just us.” He said, his eyes flicking to Mikey.   
“We are?” I asked. I wasn’t entirely sure about how I felt about it. The idea of going away with him, of course, wasn’t at all unwelcome, but he was right when he said that I had University soon. I had so much to do and to prepare.   
I opened my mouth to tell him that maybe we could do it another time, when I come down to see him, but he cut me off.  
“I know it’s cutting it close, I really do. I mean, by the time we get back, you’ll only have like a couple of days, and I _know_ that’s inconvenient but…” he sighed.  
“But I just want to be with you.” He whispered gently. My heart melted in my chest, and I looked at Mikey, who just rolled his eyes. How could I say no to that?  
“Where are we going?” I asked wearily. Gerard’s face lit up.   
“ Okay, okay. I was thinking of one of those little cabins up in the woods and stuff. Like, we can go fucking _hiking_ and swim in rivers and shit.” He beamed. I arched an eyebrow.  
“Isn’t that the setting for like, every horror movie ever?” I snorted. He narrowed his eyes.  
“Well, if Leatherface comes to visit, I’ll make sure to tell him where you are. Dick.” He teased. I rolled my eyes and slid to my feet, walking over and pulling him into a hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled.  
“It sounds great, Gerard.” I smiled. He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around my waist.  
“When do we leave?” I asked. He pulled away slightly.  
“Tomorrow morning?” he said weakly. I just groaned and stalked to our bedroom to start packing.

 

Gerard, at first, wanted to spend a whole week away, but when I reminded him of the dangers of staying in a cabin for too long (referencing along the way, the movies _Cabin Fever, I Spit on Your Grave,_ and _The Shining_ ), he agreed that five days was good too. I think Mikey was relieved to hear this; as much as he acted independent, I knew he’d be lost without Gerard.   
The only inclination that he showed that he’d miss him, was when he said, causally on the morning we were going to leave:   
“I really hope you don’t get eaten by a bear. You gotta come back to me, okay?” and then turned back to his cornflakes. I could tell that the comment had touched Gerard, but he knew that saying any more about it would just make Mikey uncomfortable, so he simply said “yeah, I will.”

I’m not sure if either brothers realized that the other kept sending concerned glances at them for the rest of the morning, and I decided that this must be similar to how my friends felt around Gerard and I.   
I made a mental note to apologise to each and every one of them.   
Unlike Gerard, the only person I had to say goodbye to was my Mother. Naturally, she was dubious about me going away to a cabin in the woods somewhere for five days with no signal and my English teacher – a fact that wasn’t eased when I casually reminded her that he was my fiancée. She was still, I believed, in denial about that.   
She told me to be careful, and to call or text her every minute that I was able to. Even though I knew that wouldn’t be often, I still assured her that I would. After a hasty goodbye and a mumbled “yeah, I’ll miss you”, she hung up, and I got that familiar pang in my chest I got whenever I hung up. Not living with her was hard. It just reminded me, over and over again, that there would be a day where I _couldn’t_ see her, and that I was wasting my time not being with her while I could.  
I told Gerard, and he comforted me by holding me and kissing me, and ended with him giving me a blowjob that made me forget everything I was worried about.   
He was, on occasion, very therapeutic to have around.

 

After we’d checked for our belongings and said our goodbyes (meaning, Gerard made sure, for the 100th time, that Mikey had everything he’d need for the next few days), we packed up the car and started to drive. It hit me when we were on the road, that I had no idea at all exactly where we were going.   
“Gerard. Where are you taking me?” I asked incredulously. He raised an eyebrow in confusion.  
“I told you…”  
“No, no. I mean, I know where, but like, where is it, exactly?”   
“Oh! Oh, it’s a couple of hours away.” He said simply, and I got the impression that he wasn’t entirely sure of where we were going either. I wasn’t surprised, though – I was used to him doing things on a whim. It was kind of what made the prospect of marrying him so appealing – I wouldn’t ever get bored; not for a single second.

“You’d better have something to entertain me.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes.  
“We can stop at McDonald’s in a few minutes, kiddo. Then you can play with the toy you get in your happy meal.” He said condescendingly.  
“Or I could shove it up your ass.” I said in a pleasant tone. He mulled this over for a moment.  
“Y’know, you probably could.” He agreed. He reached over to turn the radio up, then slid his hand into mine. The radio was playing some indistinguishable music and I sighed, my neck already getting sore from sitting in the car, and we’d barely been in it even half an hour yet.   
“Ge- _rard_ ” I whined. He looked at me in amusement.  
“Hm?” He asked, a smile playing around his lips. I grinned and played along, kicking my feet.  
“I’m _bored_ and I’m _hungry_ ” I whimpered, wiggling around restlessly in my seat. He sighed mockingly.   
“Can’t you just wait a minute, Franklin?” he said tersely. I snorted at the name – nobody had ever called me that in my life.  
“But _Daddy_.” I whined. His eyes widened and he bit his lip, looking like he was debating something in his head.   
“But nothing, baby. You’ve gotta wait.” He said, shooting me a soft smile, his thumb rubbing my hand affectionately. I grinned.  
“You’re gonna make a great Dad some day, Gerard.” I said gently. He raised his eyebrows and let out a nervous laugh.  
“Already thinking about kids, Frankie?”   
I wasn’t sure how to answer him. If he was asking me if I’d considered having children with him, then of course the answer was yes. I’d always just assumed that he and I would have children in one way or another. I couldn’t imagine him _not_ being a father. Not that I thought I’d be particularly great at it, but he’d be good enough for the two of us.   
If he was asking me, however, if I had actually _thought_ about it, in detail, then the answer was no. I hadn’t thought about the logistics, and I certainly hadn’t named them. Perhaps I was being pretentious, but all of that seemed a little bit beneath us.   
“I’d have children with you.” I answered honestly. I wasn’t sure how to feel about the surprise that spread across his face.  
“You would?” he asked, sounding genuinely shocked.

“Well, yeah. ‘Cause I love you, you know? So I guess it’s only natural that we’d have kids. Share the love and all that bullshit.” I smiled.   
“And you wouldn’t be worried about what they thought of their Daddies being twenty years apart?” He chuckled, but I detected a note of genuine insecurity in his voice.

“Not really. As long as we love them…”  
“But how long can I love them for, Frankie? I only have maybe…shit, like, 30 years left on this Earth. 40 tops. I know that sounds like a long time, but-“  
“Gerard-“  
“But you’ve got like, another 60. That means that our children are almost definitely going to have to live with only one parent, and-“  
“I did it. I’m fine.”  
“But I don’t want that. I can’t bear to bring a life into the world and then just leave it. And what if I become like, fuck, fucking senile or some shit? That’s traumatic as fuck.” He said, his voice becoming panicked. I pressed my lips together.   
“You think you’re too old to have children.” I said simply. He paused for a moment and took a deep, labored breath. I knew I was right before he even said anything.   
“When I was in Uni, in my last year, Reggie found out that he was impotent. He and his girlfriend at the time wanted to have a baby when they left, so they asked me to…uh, donate.” He said with a wistful grin. I watched him carefully, unsure where this story was going, and if I wanted to hear it.   
“They told me I could be its Godfather. That I could come see it whenever I wanted, and be like, a third parent.” He said, his eyes alight.   
“What happened?” I asked. The light in his eyes dulled and he shrugged.   
“I chickened out. It was…it was too much, you know? They broke up not long after, so I guess it was for the best, but I always wonder what it’d have been like.” He said softly.   
“But Gee, it’s not too late. Baby, we can have kids. People your age do it all the time.” I insisted. He shrugged.  
“Maybe.” He sighed, but I could tell that it was the end of the conversation. I realized later that this was the first and last time Gerard and I would ever discuss having kids together, and I always looked back on it with a sort of wistful longing. Maybe if I’d pushed it a bit more, we’d have argued it out and he’d have agreed to at least try. But I just let him sit in his silence, almost hearing the cogs turning in his head, but doing nothing to help him, and letting yet another possible future slip between our fingers.

 

We stopped not long after this for lunch, pulling into a rest stop so we could use the bathroom and grab something to eat. He’d been in a bad mood since our conversation, and I was desperately thinking of ways to cheer him up. I knew it was bad when the promise of coffee and hamburgers wasn’t enough to get him excited. The idea came to me in a burst of inspiration as we walked into the truck stop. He turned and made a beeline for the bathroom, and I followed him, almost dutifully. As soon as we walked in, I took his hand in mine. He looked at me confusion and I smiled.  
“I’m going to suck you off in that stall.” I told him, gesturing to it with my head. His eyes widened, and for a moment it looked like he was going to refuse me, but eventually, a small smile crossed his lips.  
“Yes, please. I’m so horny.” He said with a nervous giggle. He pulled me into the stall and locked it behind him. I laughed as he took me into his arms.  
“Why didn’t you tell me you were horny, idiot? I could’ve done this in the car.” I giggled. He blushed.  
“It didn’t seem right. And besides, I was just gonna get myself off in here. Problem solved.” He said with an affirmative nod. I leaned up and pecked him on the lips.  
“Well, now I can get you off. Problem even _more_ solved.” I chuckled, kissing along his neck. He hummed happily and held me close, his hand combing through my hair.   
“You’re wonderful.” He told me in a soft voice, his fingers trailing down my spine. I smiled and slid my hands into his waistband.   
“I know.” I grinned. He laughed softly, turning his head to kiss my jaw.  
“You gonna talk or you gonna suck my cock?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. I chuckled and sunk to my knees. He and I both fumbled desperately at his belt and jeans. We knew we didn’t have that much time, so he just slid them down to his thighs, pulling his cock out of his boxers.  
“You’re so dirty.” He grinned as I brushed my lips across the top of his leaking cock.   
“Nah. I just love you.” I said, wrapping my lips around him. He laughed softly and leaned his head back against the stall with a gentle sigh.   
“Mm. That’s good.” He hummed, his fingers running through my hair. The floor was cold, and I could feel the chill through my jeans, but I focused my attention on sucking him, my cheeks hollowing out as spit ran down my chin. His breath soon turned harsh and jagged and I couldn’t help but smile around him. I pulled off for a moment, stroking him slowly.   
“What? Already done?” I asked, my voice hoarse. He laughed weakly.   
“You’re so good at that.” He said by means of explanation. I didn’t mind, though – the whole point was that he felt good. I gave a little giggle before sliding him back into my mouth, moaning at how full he made me feel, as my lips tightened around his thick length. He gave a shuddering breath as he rocked his hips forward into my mouth, his breathing shallow and desperate.  
“Oh, fuck. Yeah.” He whispered as he rolled his hips into me. I closed my hand around him, just in front of my lips, and stroked him as I sucked. He cried out, his hand closing in my hair. A small twitch along his length was the only warning I received, before he came hard into my mouth. I shut my eyes, but I could hear the faint thump as he collapsed against the stall. I pulled off and swallowed, before giving him a bright grin through my swollen, cum-glistening lips. He laughed.   
“You sure know how to cheer a guy up.” He beamed, holding out a hand. I accepted it, letting him bring me to my feet, and kissed him gently.   
“I love you.” I repeated. He stroked my cheek, using his other hand to tuck himself back in.   
“I love you.” He said, pulling me in for another kiss. I used the closeness to help him redress himself. It was somewhat of a disaster, because we were both trying to do it without looking, and our hands kept overlapping and getting tangled. It resulted in him still being half naked, and me laughing against his mouth.   
“Let me do it, idiot.” I giggled. He relented, dropping his hands to his sides, and I managed to redo his belt with very little problem.   
“See?” I teased. He held my face and kissed my lips with a deliberate slowness.  
“I love you.” He said.  
“You’ve said that already.”  
“I’ll say it a million times. I’ll say it until I’m dead.” He promised. I laughed and took his hand. We walked out of the stall without any subtlety whatsoever, and he led me over to the food court. He let out a soft whine.  
“What?” I grinned. He gave me a hopeful smile.  
“ _Coffee_ ” he breathed. I let out a sigh of relief – at least he was feeling better.

 

After our lunch of coffee and burgers (with an extra large portion of fries that we both decided to pretend we hadn’t eaten), we returned to the car, feeling much happier than we had when we’d left. He slid in the front seat and kissed me on the cheek as he pulled out back onto the road. He twitched the dial on the radio a little higher and leaned back in his seat.   
“Frankie? Can you pass me my sunglasses please?” he asked, holding a hand out. I rolled my eyes and searched around in his glove compartment, before shoving them into his hand. He blew me a kiss and pushed them onto his eyes.   
“You look like a douche with those on.” I told him, even though he didn’t. He looked gorgeous. He always looked so gorgeous.   
“You look like a child.” He retorted.  
“Creepy old perv.” I mumbled under my breath.  
“Desperate little slut.” He replied coolly. I laughed and squeezed his hand.  
“You should put that in your wedding vows.” I teased. He nodded like he was considering it.   
“I should. Though, I don’t expect it’ll be a much of a wedding.” He sighed. I frowned.  
“Why not?”  
“Well, I mean, I know nobody from my family except Mikey would come, and I don’t really have many friends.”  
“My Uncle would come. And my Mom-“  
“Would she?”   
“I think so. I mean, she loves me, you know? And by the time we get married, she’ll come around.” I said, sounding more confident than I felt. I rubbed my ring with my thumb, and Gerard smiled, but it looked almost sad.   
“Do you want me to get you a ring too?” I asked. He chewed his lip for a moment, then shook his head.  
“No, it’s okay baby. I’m not really…it’s fine.” He said, seeming almost eager to change the topic. I assumed that it was just because he didn’t want me to spend the money on him – which I supposed I could understand. After all, it’s not like I had a job or anything.   
“Well, if you want one, let me know.” I told him. He nodded hastily and turned the radio up a bit higher, so I just dropped it, figuring that I was making him uncomfortable.   
I realized, a bit too late, that it probably had to do with his lack of a job, and him worrying about his finances.   
“Have you progressed in the job search at all?” I asked. We weren’t exactly strapped for cash – he was still being paid until the beginning of the next school year. But I knew he was stressed about it.   
He shrugged.  
“Kind of. There’s a place in New York that looks promising, but they’re being kinda flaky.” He sighed, stroking my hand with his thumb. I gave him an encouraging smile, realizing that I was making him upset again.  
“You’ll find something. And if you don’t, you could always be a rent boy.” I said teasingly. He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows.  
“You’d pay me for sex?” he asked.  
“I don’t have to.” I reminded him. He just laughed flippantly and squeezed my hand, before turning his attention back to the road.   
I turned my attention back to watching his face in the fading sun.

 

By the time we actually arrived at the cabin, we were exhausted. We dropped our bags on the living room floor, and collapsed onto the sofa. The good thing, was that the cabin wasn’t quite as daunting as I thought it would be. Instead of having a creepy, woodsy feel, it actually felt pretty homey – almost like a cottage, rather than a cabin. The bad thing, though, was that it was up a very steep hill (hence why we were too tired to move once we’d dropped onto the sofa). Gerard joked that we’d be too tired to have sex, but I called his bluff – there was no way he’d ever be too tired for sex. He agreed with me, and kissed me passionately to prove it.   
“Mm. I’m too tired.” I giggled. He laughed and buried his face in my neck.  
“It’s nice here, isn’t it?” he asked, swaying me softly in his arms.   
“Yeah. And I like being alone with you.” I said gently. He kissed my lips and pulled away, leading me towards the stairs.  
“C’mon. We should sleep, angel.” He said. I was too tired to deny him, so I followed passively, barely looking around as he led me to the bedroom.   
We stripped off quickly and slid into bed with each other, our naked bodies entwined.   
“I love you.” I whispered against his throat. He made a soft, sleepy noise and kissed my cheek.  
“Mhm. Can’t wait to make you mine.” He murmured.   
“I’m already yours. Forever.” I told him. He didn’t hear me, though, because a moment later, I heard his little snores that signified him being already asleep. I smiled fondly and kissed his jaw bone, before snuggling up next to him and letting myself drift off.


	65. Big ass metaphor

When I envisioned going away to a cabin in the woods with the love of my life, I imagined it being peaceful. I imagined drinking coffee by a fireplace in the evening, and picnics during the day. I imagined loud, violent, passionate sex, not having to worry about anyone hearing us or walking in (not that we necessarily cared if Mikey did or not).  
The reality, though, was my asshole of a fiancée pouring a glass of ice-cold water over my head at 6am.   
“What the fuck, Gerard?” I hissed, sitting upright. My body trembled, and I reached for the blankets. He whipped them away from me, though, grinning widely.   
“Rise and shine, beautiful!” he sang. Now that I looked at him, I was surprised to see that he was already dressed and ready to go.   
Go where?   
“Fuck. What are you doing?” I asked, still shivering. He sat down on the bed and reached for my hands, but I snatched them away, insistent on being grumpy.   
“We’re going for a hike.” He told me proudly. I stared at him, dumbfounded.   
How the hell was this idiot actually my boyfriend?   
“Why would I go on a hike?” I asked him. He pouted.  
“Because it’s pretty. And the walk will do us good. Get all in shape for our wedding.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.   
“Our wedding won’t happen for at least another 3 years.” I told him, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.   
“Exactly. So we should start now.” He said, grabbing his stomach and frowning. I rolled my eyes and kissed his stomach gently.   
“You’re beautiful.” I told him, pulling myself to my feet. He leaned in close to me and cupped my cheek.  
“You know what else is beautiful?” he asked in a voice that could only be described as seductive. I smiled.  
“What?”  
He beamed.  
“Trees and shit. Get dressed.” He said, patting my face gently before pulling away. I frowned and fell back onto the bed.  
“Why do we even have to go this early?” I groaned, catching the clothes that he threw at me. I sighed and pulled them on with a disgruntled expression. It appeared that the question caught him off guard. He considered it for a moment, then shrugged.  
“I don’t know. It sort of seems like the thing to do. Early morning hikes and all that.”  He said, reaching for the cup of coffee he’d rested on the windowsill.   
I whined and reached out for it, but he just brought it to his lips, his eyes twinkling with amusement.  
“Nuh-uh, baby boy. I’ll make you one when you’re all ready.” He said firmly. I pouted.  
“I’m ready!” I argued, gesturing down to my clothed body. He chuckled.  
“Yes, you’re dressed. But you’re still in bed.”  
“If you give me coffee, it’ll wake me up and then I can finish getting ready.” I pointed out. He sighed and held the cup out to me.   
“Fine. But don’t drink all of it. I’m old, and I’ll probably like, collapse or something if I don’t drink enough coffee.” He said seriously. I snickered as I took a sip, sighing as I felt the warm liquid run down my throat.   
“You’re not even that old.” I said, passing it back. He raised an eyebrow.  
“38 is old. I’m almost middle aged.” He said.   
“Well, yeah. But you’re still hot.” I grinned, giving his ass a playful slap. He wrinkled his nose and leaned down to kiss me, his mouth tasting of coffee and cigarettes.   
“Get ready.” He murmured into my lips. I let out a disdainful noise as I finally stood up, stomping into the bathroom. I pretended not to hear him laughing at me.

 

By the time I was ready, it was almost 7, and I had a very disgruntled fiancée to deal with.   
“Aw, come on Gee. It’s still the asscrack of dawn. You still get your shitty walk.” I said condescendingly. He frowned at me.   
“But it’s not an early morning walk.” He whined as we walked out of the cabin. I rested my weight on one hip.  
“It’s not even 8am yet. It’s still early.” I said. He sighed and held my hand.  
“Whatever.” He said. He took a deep, gulping breath and smiled at me.  
“It’s so clean here.” He murmured. I sucked in a deep breath and smiled in agreement.  
“Yeah. It’s like…I don’t even know. It’s so nice.” I admitted. Gerard gave me a smug grin, and I nudged him with my hip.   
“Don’t even say it.” I laughed. He raised his eyebrows in feigned innocence.  
“Say what?” he asked, batting his eyelashes.  
“’I told you so, Frankie’” I said in a bad impression of his voice. He bumped me back with his hip.  
“First, I don’t sound like that. And second, I _did_ tell you so.” He pointed out. I rolled my eyes and took his hand as we started walking away from our cabin.   
“Remember when I used to think you were an asshole, and I’d barely speak to you?” I asked. He nodded.  
“Yes?”  
“I miss those days.” I teased. He laughed and led me to a small path, leading into a large cluster of trees. I arched an eyebrow cynically.  
“Baby, are you sure you know where we’re going?” I asked. He looked offended, but his eyes shone.  
“You don’t trust me?” He challenged. I kissed his cheek.  
“No. I don’t. But if we’re gonna be eaten by a bear, I’m glad I’m with you.” I said, batting my eyelashes. He snorted and tugged me along.   
“I’ve been here before.” He told me as we walked along the path. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.  
“You have?” I prompted. He nodded and smiled.  
“Yeah. Mikey and I came up here one summer with some friends. We hiked every day, so I guess I sort of know the path. But then, that was years ago.” He said, even as he led me confidently through the trees.  
“So there’s still the slight chance I might get eaten by a bear?” I asked. He rolled his eyes

“Well. I doubt there’s any bears up here. But yes, in theory, you could get eaten by a bear.” He said, shaking his head.  
“Awesome.” I beamed.

 

The walk was actually nice. I’d never have admitted it to Gerard, of course, but it really was nice.  As it turned out, he really did know where he was going. The only problem we encountered, was when an old path he knew had become overgrown, and we had to find an alternate route – but that was fine. He held my hand and told me stories about when he was younger, and it made me fall more in love with him than ever.   
“You’re so gorgeous.” I told him suddenly. He broke off mid-story and looked at me with an expression akin to confusion.  
“Am I?” he asked, like I’d never told him before. I stopped in my tracks and looked at him.  
“Uh-huh. You’re a beauty.” I confirmed. He stopped too, smiling brightly at me as he leaned in to kiss me.   
“Well, I’m glad you think so. I’m probably only gonna be attractive for another, like, five years.” He said glumly. I shook my head and wrapped my arms back around his shoulders.  
“No. You’re gonna be pretty forever.” I giggled.  He arched his eyebrows in an expression that resembled bemusement.   
“I doubt that. You think you’re still gonna think I’m hot when I’m all old and wrinkly?” he said, wrinkling his nose. I considered this for a moment, then sighed.  
“I guess you’re right. I won’t love you when your ass is all saggy. Thanks for enlightening me.” I said seriously, but a smile tugged around my mouth. He smacked my arm playfully.  
“You’re an ass.” He grumbled, sliding his hand back into mine. I leaned up to kiss his cheek as we walked.  
“You love me. And my ass.” I said, wiggling my hips teasingly. He laughed and pulled me towards a steep hill. I snorted and raised an eyebrow cynically.  
“Oh, hell no. No way am I climbing that.” I sniffed. He pouted and widened his eyes, in a way that made him look a little too realistically like a puppy.  
“Aw, c’mon Frankie. It’ll be worth it.” He simpered. I resisted his tugging, even though I knew I’d end up whatever he wanted.   
“But it’s so long, Gee. I wanna go back to bed.” I grumbled. He dropped my arm and sighed.   
“Jesus, Frank. Fine, just leave it.” He snapped, turning to walk back to the cabin. That was…unexpected. He never blew up on me like that for anything, normally.   
“Woah, Gerard?”  
“No. It’s fine. I was just…whatever.” He grumbled. I reached forward and grabbed his arm, spinning him so he was facing me.  
“What the fuck dude?” I asked. He stared at me for a moment and shrugged.  
“Sorry. I just… I want to spend time with you.” He said, his voice small. I reached out to caress his face.  
“I want to spend time with you too, baby. Look, I was being a dick. Let’s walk, okay?” I said, tugging him over to the hill. A small smile crossed his face.  
“Really?” he asked uncertainly. I kissed him soflty.  
“Yeah, really babe.” I nodded.  He looked at me almost sheepishly.   
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. I shook my head, a soft smile on my lips.  
“No, baby. No, don’t apologise. C’mon.” I said, pulling him back towards the hill. As I looked up at it from the bottom, I couldn’t deny that it was daunting, but I could tell that, for whatever reason, climbing it was important to him – so it was important to me, too.   
We shared an almost amused look, and then began to walk up the hill. I fell over almost immediately, and made a disgruntled noise, much to Gerard’s amusement. He helped me to my feet and kissed my cheek.  
“C’mon angel, stay up.” He grinned, helping me up the next few steps.   
The walk, after that point, wasn’t too bad, actually. Once I got used to gasping for breath, and the constant threat of falling back down, it was easier for me to keep my balance and, surprisingly, actually begin to enjoy it. The air was clean and clear, and made my lungs feel free. The atmosphere, as well, was so calm and quiet. The only sounds were our heavy breath, the snapping of twigs, and the singing of birds.  
Gerard was right. This was a really, really good idea.   
“This was a shit idea.” He gasped, breaking me out of my thoughts. I turned and smiled at him. His face was reddened, and sweat coated his brow. He looked up resentfully at me as he gasped for air.  
“Let’s…go…back…” he panted. I reached out for his hand and shook my head.  
“No way, baby. We’re like, half way up. You can make it.” I encouraged. His face fell.  
“Half?” He asked desperately. I looked up to confirm, and blanched when I realized that it was actually a bit more than that.  
“Yeah, about that. I swear, it’ll pass quickly.” I said, dragging him behind me.  
“And besides. Think of the view.” I beamed. He muttered something under his breath that I didn’t quite catch, and slowly began to walk behind me.   
“Gerard. If you keep dragging me down, I’m gonna have to leave you here to die.” I said seriously. He let out a gasping laugh.   
“Do it.” He said. I arched an eyebrow.  
“Just…pretend Johnny Depp is at the top of the hill.” I giggled. His eyes lit up a bit, and he gave me a weak smile, staggering forwards a few steps.   
“I’d do anything for Johnny Depp.” He said with a tired laugh. I looked towards an upcoming tree and sighed.  
“Baby, you wanna take a break?” I asked. He looked at me hopefully and nodded.  
“Uh huh.” He mumbled, resting all his weight on me. I sighed at his fatalism, but carried him over to the tree nonetheless – relieved as he was when I finally got to put him down. He sighed and leaned against the tree, looking at me with tired eyes.   
“Did you bring any water?” I asked. He groaned and shook his head.  
“This was such a bad idea.” He wheezed. I rubbed his back slowly, looking into his sad, hazel eyes.   
“My poor baby.” I giggled, kissing his jaw. He hummed and leaned into me, batting his eyelashes and giving me a pathetic look.  
“You should give me a blowjob to cheer me up.” He whimpered. I laughed and wrapped an arm around him.   
“No way, loser. This was _your_ idea.” I reminded him. He glared at me.   
“Yes, and it was also my idea to stop and go back.”  
“Well, too bad. You’re stuck with me now, dork.” I said, crawling onto his legs and facing him. He laughed and ran his hands up and down my legs.  
“What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked with a fond smile. I sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck, giving a modest shrug.  
“I don’t know. Guess you just got lucky.” I said, breaking into a grin. I leaned forward to kiss him, and wrinkled my nose.  
“What?” he asked.  
“Lips are all dry.”  I complained. He rolled his eyes and leaned forward to kiss me again, despite my complaints.   
“You love it.” He murmured against my mouth. I sat back and sighed, pushing his hair back.   
“I do. I love you.” I smiled. He gave me a smile that was almost sad as he entwined our fingers.  
“I know. I love you too.” He said, bringing our hands to his lips and kissing them.   
“What’s up?” I asked, tilting my head. He looked at me for a moment like he was studying me, then he shrugged.  
“It’s nothing. We’re gonna have a good time, alright?” He said brightly.

“Yeah. Once we get up this fucking hill.” I giggled. He laughed wearily and nodded.  
“Yep.” He agreed.   
We sat in silence for a few moments after that. I watched his face, and couldn’t help but notice how sad he looked. There was something wrong – I knew it, but I couldn’t label it. I shimmied off of his legs and stood up, holding a hand out to him.  
“C’mon. Let’s do this.” I grinned. He sighed and held my hand, a small smile on his face as I hauled him to his feet.  He looked at the hill and groaned.  
“Frankie? One request?” he asked. I chuckled.  
“What?”  
“Next time I suggest something fucking stupid, just shut me up.” He said, a smile twitching on his lips.  
“Agreed.” I beamed.

 

After his break, Gerard was pretty alright to keep going.  
This time, it was me who was dragging behind. He turned and gave me a condescending smile.  
“Aw, keep up Frankie? Or do you need a break?” he cooed. I glared at him, resting a hand on his shoulder to stop myself from slipping.  
“I was carrying your dead body up this not five minutes ago, asshole.” I snapped.  
“Yes, and now I’m carrying yours. It’s funny how that works.” He grinned happily, tugging me along behind him.   
“Maybe I’m tired from lugging your fat ass around.” I grumbled. He shot me an easy smile.  
“You love my fat ass.” He reminded me.   
“I love your fat ass.” I agreed, giving it a weak smack. He laughed and grinned at me.  
“Aw, come on baby boy, you can do better than that.” He teased, wiggling his hips. I snorted and rolled my eyes.  
“No. I really can’t.” I laughed. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pointed upwards.  
“We’re almost there, sweetheart.” He said, kissing my cheek. I leaned against him and nodded. I was really beginning to feel that early start. I followed his finger and smiled when I saw the sun peaking up over the top of the hill.  
“Okay. Okay.” I said determinedly. He laughed and held me tighter as we reached the top.

 

By the time we got there, I sort of half expected it to be anti-climactic. I was tired and sweaty, and my throat burned. Gerard’s teasing and complaining had left me irritable, and I just wanted to sleep.   
But when we reached the top, and I saw the sun shining down on the woods below us, all I could say was “wow”  
“Holy shit.” I breathed, looking down. Gerard wound his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek gently.  
“I love you so much.” He whispered, his hand sliding down my side. I leaned against him, my eyes never leaving the view.  
“Gerard, wow. This is….this is so beautiful.” I said. He grabbed my hips and turned me towards him, kissing me hard.  
“I love you.” He growled into my mouth, holding me tightly against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.  
“I love you too.” I whispered. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine, a pained expression on his face.  
“No matter what happens, Frank. I love you, okay? I don’t want you to ever forget that I love you.” He murmured. I nodded.  
“I won’t.”  
“Promise me you’ll never forget that I love you. And…and everything I do is just because I love you, okay? Even if it seems weird, or bad, just know that I love you. I wouldn’t – fuck – I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t love you.” He said urgently. I took a step back and looked at him warily.  
“Gee?”  
“Just promise!” he cried. I held my hands up.  
“What’s going on?” I asked slowly.   
“Nothing. Frankie, just…please. I have to know that you know. You _know_ right?” he asked. I took a timid step forward and touched his face.  
“I know. I’ll remember, I promise.” I said softly. He practically melted under my touch, a small smile tugging his lips up.  
“Okay. Thank you.” He whispered. I nodded, keeping my eyes on him.  
“And you’re sure you’re okay?” I asked. He laughed.  
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s fine. Sit with me.” He said, sinking to the floor. I sat down with him, resting my head on his thigh. He started carding his fingers gently through my hair, and I couldn’t help but smile.  
“We’ll be okay, won’t we, Gee?” I asked suddenly. He paused for a moment.   
“Yeah. We’re gonna be perfect” he replied eventually.   
I don’t remember how long we were up there. It could have been hours or days. The only thing either of us were sure of, was that the journey back down was way, way easier.   
But then, isn’t it always?


	66. Light of Day

I assume I probably would have been woken up ridiculously early the next morning too, if it weren’t for the torrential rain that fell during the night and into the morning.   
I awoke around 10, and saw Gerard sitting by the window.   
“It’s raining.” He mumbled, as if he could sense I’d woken up. I slid out of bed and sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder.  
“I like rain.” I murmured. He turned his head and smiled at me.   
“Yeah? Why?” He asked, rubbing my arm. I shrugged.  
“I just do. It’s calm.” I said softly, accentuating my point with a yawn. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, nuzzling into my neck.   
“I’m in love with you.” He breathed. I froze slightly at his words, despite the calm way he said them. We never really discussed his outburst the night before, and honestly I was still shaken by it. He had just completely exploded, and even after he’d calmed down, he was still on edge.   
“I know. I love you too.” I murmured, kissing his cheek. He held me closer, brushing his lips along my jaw.   
“Y’know? We haven’t fucked here yet.” He smirked, running his hand along my thigh. I jumped away from him instinctually, and watched his face fall. I flashed him an apologetic smile and moved back into his arms.  
“I’m just…I’m not in the mood for sex.” I mumbled, kissing his cheek. He snorted.  
“That’s a first.” He chuckled, but he moved his hand away from my thigh, instead resting it on my hip. He rocked me gently in his arms, and for a moment, I forgot about my uneasiness. After all – Gerard was weird. He did weird shit a lot, and if I was going to marry him, I should get used to it, and stop reading so much into things.   
“On the other hand…” I murmured, pulling him closer to me.   
“Maybe a good fuck might do us both good.” I smirked, kissing his neck. He moaned softly, rolling his head back.  
“Yeah? You sure?” he asked, his hand moving back up my thigh. I bit my lip and smiled.  
“I don’t know, Mr. Way. What exactly are you suggesting?” I asked, batting my eyelashes. He turned towards me, and I saw a flash of something indistinguishable pass over his eyes.  
“Well, Mr. Iero. I think you need a fuck. A good, hard fuck.” He smirked, reaching for me. I melted in his touch, letting him pull me close to him.   
“Yeah? You think I need you to sit on my cock?” I asked. He bit his lip and nodded, a smile playing around his lips.  
“Oh, definitely.” He purred, kissing my throat. I laughed, and felt his lips stretch into a smile against my skin.   
“I love you!” I cried suddenly, and he chuckled.  
“If you love me so much, you should just marry me.” He teased. I arched an eyebrow and stood up.  
“Don’t tempt me.” I giggled, holding my hands out to him. He cast one more glance out the window, before taking my hands and hauling himself up. He was barely on his feet for two seconds before he launched himself into my arms. I fell back against the bed, laughing against his mouth.  
“You’re like a big ass puppy.” I giggled, pulling him onto my lap. He straddled me and smiled, pushing my hair back from my face.  
“Is that why you love me so much?” He smiled, wrapping his arms around my neck. I kissed his chin, a grin still etched on my face.  
“Basically. I love dogs.” I smiled. He nodded.  
“Dogs. I can do dogs. We can get dogs.” He decided I laughed, my nose crinkling. I didn’t miss the adoring way he stared at me, and it made my heart pound.   
“How many dogs, Gee?” I giggled. He considered this for a moment, swaying his hips slightly.   
“Seven.” He said decisively. I ran my hands up his sides and grinned at him.   
“I like seven.” I nodded. He leaned down and kissed me softly. He had morning breath, and the taste of cigarettes stained his lips, but I leaned up into it anyway, knowing that I probably didn’t taste or smell much better. I ran my hands down his back and rested them on his ass, giving a gentle squeeze. He bucked his hips forward slightly, a whimper sliding out from his lips.

“You gonna tease me all day, or you gonna fuck me?” He smiled, running his hands through my hair. I bit my lip and looked up at him.   
“I like teasing you.” I said simply. He groaned, burying his face in my shoulder.  
“But I’m _horny”_ he protested with a pout, pushing his hips forward again. I put my fingertips into his waistband and smirked up at him.   
“Luckily for you, Mr. Way, I love fucking you more than I love teasing you.” I chuckled, pushing his boxers down. He moaned and bit his lip, his hand tightening in my hair.

“Thank you, Daddy.” He breathed. I laughed and gave his ass a playful slap as I tugged his boxers down over his thick thighs. He gave an impatient groan and tried to kick them off, but only succeeding in getting them more tangled around his legs, much to my amusement.  
“Oh my god.” He sighed in frustration. Still laughing, I flipped him over so he was underneath me, and managed to slide his underwear off in one fluid movement. He gave me a grateful smile and reached out for me, making grabby hands towards me.   
“Calm down. I gotta get undressed first.” I reminded him, gesturing down to my own boxers, through which my erection was very clearly visible. He frowned and wrapped a hand around his length.  
“But Daddy.” He whispered as he watched me, stroking himself slowly.  
“Oh, Gee” I breathed. He moaned and stroked himself faster, his head falling back.   
“Come fuck me, Daddy.” He panted, reaching his free hand down to push his cheeks apart, revealing his hole to me. He slipped a finger inside and moaned.  
“Frankie, please.” He groaned. I almost fell over in my swiftness to throw my boxers off, and within seconds, I was grabbing his thighs, wrapping them around me.  
“You’re such a slut, Mr. Way. Fucking students? That’s real bad.” I teased, leaning forward to brush my lips against his. He moaned, writhing underneath me.

“Just fuck me, dammit!” he cried, tightening the hold his thighs had around my waist. I let out a soft whimper as I began to push against him.   
“Lube?” I breathed. He shook his head.  
“Don’t bother. Just fuck me.” He snapped. I rolled my eyes, but began to push into him regardless. His finger had provided some basic prepping, but he was still very, very tight as I slid into him.  
“Baby? Maybe we should –“  
“No. Don’t stop. Let me feel you.” He breathed, holding me tightly. I recalled hearing those words before – on the night we broke up. The night he almost killed himself.   
My blood ran cold, and I had to close my eyes so he wouldn’t see the pain in them.   
“Baby.” I choked out, stroking a hand along his cheek. He leaned into the touch with a gentle smile.

“Just fuck me, okay?” he murmured. I nodded and sunk deeper into him, making him gasp and arch up.  
“Yeah, fuck.” He moaned, using his heels to push me in deeper. I smiled, pressing kisses along his jawline as I began to thrust into him gently, despite his gentle mewls for me to move faster and harder. I wanted him to feel, but I didn’t want to hurt him.   
“Slow down, baby boy. I’ll hurt you.” I said gently, brushing his hair back. He pushed me in deeper, and I watched his face contort in pain.  
“Fuck. Good. Hurt me.” He growled. I sighed and leaned down to kiss his cheek, and felt him melt around me almost immediately.  
“Baby, relax. Please?” I asked. He paused for a moment, then nodded almost reluctantly.  
“Yeah. Okay, yeah. Sorry.” He said sheepishly. I grinned and kissed him.  
“Nothing to be sorry for.” I murmured as I began to rock into him again. He gasped, his head falling back against the bed. He let a hand rest lazily over my shoulders as he slid up and down on the bed, drawing comforting circles between my shoulder blades. He leaned up and kissed me, his tongue sliding into my mouth, and I let out a soft whimper.  
“Taste so good Gee.” I breathed, holding his hips tighter. He moaned, tightening his legs around me.  
“Oh, fuck.” He breathed, a smile passing over his lips. I giggled, nuzzling into his chest as I rocked my hips into him.   
“Yeah, fuck. You feel amazing. You always do.” I moaned.  
“It’s like my ass was made for your cock.” He smiled. I raised an eyebrow and leaned down to kiss him.  
“Or you’ve had so many cocks in there that it just moulds to that shape?” I suggested. He hit my hip playfully.  
“Shut up and fuck me!” He cried in frustration.,   
“I am!” I laughed, thrusting forward to accentuate my point. He laughed.  
“Then shut up and do it!” he beamed, hugging me tightly to him. I shook my head at him.   
“Can’t you be serious for like, ten minutes?” I teased. His face immediately fell, his eyes widening.  
“Or what, Daddy? What are you gonna do if I don’t?” he purred. That changed things. That made the lighthearted, funny atmosphere dissolve, and instead, a heavy sexual tension hung in the air.  
“I’m gonna fuck you so hard you can’t walk.” I growled, biting his neck. He let out a sharp, loud moan and rocked himself down onto me.   
“Yes, fuck! Yeah, fuck me.” He whimpered, grabbing the headboard as it pushed gently against the wall. I tangled a hand in his hair and yanked his head up for a rough kiss as I pounded into him, my breath coming hard.   
“Oh, oh fuck.” He whispered, wrapping a hand around his cock and stroking himself slowly.  
“Oh, that’s so hot.” I moaned as I watched him. He flashed me a knowing smile as he continued to fuck himself up into his fist. His head fell back against the mattress, and I took that moment to slam into him, making him scream out in pleasure.  
“Oh! Fuck! Oh, Frank!” he moaned, bucking his hips up.  
“Oh, I…I’m go-I’m cumming.” He moaned. As if on cue, his cock twitched in his hand, and clear-white ropes of cum shot out, covering me and him.  
He panted hard, his face covered in sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead.  
“I…that was….fuck…” he whispered. He looked up at me suddenly and grinned.  
“C’mere. Lemme blow you.” He said. I wrinkled my nose.  
“I’ve been _inside_ you.” I pointed out. He shrugged.  
“It’s my ass. Let me blow you.” He said, more firmly this time. I giggled as I slid out of him, hearing him whimper at the loss.  
“Slut.” I muttered as I crawled up the bed. I put my legs on either side of his chest, and held my cock out in front of him.  
“Go on then, baby.” I smirked. He moaned and leaned forward, wrapping his lips eagerly around me.  
“O-oh.” I breathed, my head falling back. He smirked up at me, his tongue flicking out, sliding along my length. I moaned and grabbed his hair, pushing myself deeper into him. He let out a choked gasp of surprise, and held my hips, forcing me in even deeper. His nose nestled against my stomach, and he looked up at me with an almost innocent expression. I could feel my cock slide down his throat, and saw his neck bulge as he took me in.   
Fuck.   
“Oh, my god. Oh my god.” I whispered, thrusting into him. He choked around me, but kept sucking, his tongue swirling along my length.   
There was no way in hell I was going to last.   
“I…fuck, Gee.” I breathed, rocking my hips back and forth into the tight heat of his mouth and throat. He’d deepthroated me before, of course, but never like this. He literally had my entire cock in his throat – and that realization alone was enough to make my cock twitch with need.  
“Gerard. Fuck. Gee, I’m gonna cum.” I whispered as I rolled my hips forward. He growled, sending vibrations up my length, and dug his nails into my thighs, sucking harder, his tongue working more furiously.  
“Fuck… _fuck.”_ I cried. My orgasm hit me like a train, and suddenly I was cumming hard, filling his mouth and throat. His eyes rolled back as he moaned, and I felt him try to swallow around me. I held his head, riding through my orgasm, watching him struggle to swallow it all. He looked up at me pleadingly and I smirked, pulling myself slowly out of his mouth. Cum and saliva dribbled down his face, but he grinned up at me.   
“You slut.” I smirked, leaning in to kiss his wet, swollen lips. He moaned and wrapped his arms around me.  
“I’m your slut. Your slut.” He whispered. His voice was cracked and gravelly, and maybe – just maybe – the hottest damn thing I’d ever heard.  
“Your voice is so fucked.” I grinned. He giggled, biting his lip.  
“Sign of a good fuck.” He said proudly. I rolled my eyes and snuggled up to him, burying my face in his chest.  
“You’re always a good fuck. The best.” I murmured. He kissed the top of my head.   
“Yeah? Well, in that case, you won’t have to sleep with anyone when you go away, right?” He said, almost nervously. I sat up and frowned at him.  
“Gerard, we talked about this. I’m not sleeping with anyone. I have you. Who else could I ever want?” I said, stroking his face. He sighed and looked up at me, giving a short shrug.   
“I don’t know. I just can’t imagine someone going to university and not fucking other people.” He admitted, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I narrowed my eyes at him.  
“Just because you’re a slut, doesn’t mean I’m gonna make the same mistakes as you.” I hissed bitterly. I was very, very offended by what he was implying. He rolled his eyes.  
“Right. I doubt that.” He snorted. I groaned and made to move away from him, but he caught me by the wrist. I glared at him, trying to shake him off, but found myself letting him pull me back into his arms. I supposed that’s the only place I really wanted to be.  
“Baby, we only have a few more days. Three more days here, and then one night, and then you’re leaving me. Don’t get mad at me, alright? You know I didn’t mean it like that. You know I trust you.” He murmured, and I literally felt my anger melting away at his words. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him gently.  
“I love you. You, and only you. Forever, okay?” I smiled. He nodded, a sad smiled pulling up around his lips.  
“I love you too.”  
“I’ll always be yours. No matter what happens. I’m yours.” I whispered, snuggling back into his chest. I felt his heart beating steadily, and I couldn’t help but smile. Something about hearing that gentle beating was so comforting, and so intimate. I loved him. I honestly believed that I could only ever love him.   
“Frankie?” he asked after a moment of silence.   
“Hm?”  
“What would you do if I left you?” he asked softly. I sat up again, looking down at him with wide eyes. I didn’t know what expression was on my face, but it was enough for him to look at me with real concern.  
“I…I don’t know. I can’t even think about it. It’d be the worst thing. I can’t…”  I said, shaking my head. I was vaguely aware of my heart pounding in my ears. His face hadn’t broken into an amused smile, and he hadn’t reassured me. He was just frowning at me.   
“Gerard, don’t leave me.” I whispered. That was so like him, too. To leave me for my own fucking good. He reached a hand out and held mine, but I left it limp.  
“Even if it’s what’s best? Even though we’re toxic and dysfunctional, and totally, totally wrong? Even then?”  
“Especially then. Don’t.” I whispered. He sighed in resignation and nodded, pulling me back to him.  
“I’m not leaving you, Frankie. I love you.” He murmured, but his voice was unconvincing.   
“We’re engaged, Gerard. You can’t just ask me to marry you and then dump me.” I whispered hoarsely. He nodded understandingly.  
“I’m not gonna leave you.” He repeated in that same, unconvincing monotone. I leaned my head against his shoulder, feeling tears fall from my eyes. He let out a sharp breath and stroked my hair.  
“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He murmured, wiping the tears from my face.  
“How else did you expect me to reply? I love you so much. I can’t lose you.” I whispered. He nodded again and wiped the fresh tears from my face.  
“I know, baby. It’s okay. I love you too.” He murmured reassuringly. This time, I believed him. I sniffed and sat up, plastering a smile onto my face.  
“Wanna come shower with me?” I asked softly. He smiled and put his hand on my thigh.  
“Of course baby. You go get it set up, I’ll be in in a sec.” he said softly. I nodded and kissed him gently, before sliding out of bed and padding to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stripped out of my clothes, before sliding into the hot spray. I let out a gentle sigh, feeling my muscles relax under the hot water. Sometimes that’s all you need – a shower, and some time alone to breathe. Not, of course, that I didn’t like breathing around Gerard. I loved his company more than anything, and especially now I needed it, because I knew I wouldn’t have him for much longer. Even then, though, I rejoiced in the few minutes I had alone to relax.   
I was halfway through washing my hair when I felt him slide in the shower with me, his hands curling around my waist.  
“You smell beautiful.” He whispered, kissing my neck. I sighed and leaned back against him.   
“Yeah? Maybe ‘cause I got clean. Where were you?” I asked teasingly, turning around to look at him. When I saw him, the smile faded from my face.   
“Baby?” I asked, wrapping my arms around him. It was clear from the redness in his eyes and his sheepish smile that he’d been crying.   
“It’s nothing.” He sniffed, pulling me closer. He buried his face into my hair and sighed. I didn’t know what to do, so I just rubbed his arm soothingly.   
“Hey, come on. It’ll be okay.” I murmured, even though I wasn’t quite sure what the problem was. He sniffed and nodded, batting at his eyes.  
“Yeah. I know. I know, baby.” He said with a weak smile, stroking my cheek. I leaned up and kissed him, and after hesitating for a moment, he kissed me back.   
“Whatever’s wrong, we can fix it, okay? I already told you – I’m yours forever and ever. We have the rest of our lives to be happy, and we _will_ be happy.” I promised, holding his hands. He looked at me blankly for a moment, then nodded solemnly.  
“We will be happy in the end. I’m certain of it.” He said slowly, as if he was carefully considering every word he said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled up at him.   
“We will. Always.” I said, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He hugged me back, burying his face in my shoulder.  
“You’re my best friend.” He murmured. The comment caught me off-guard – he’d never said that to me before.   
“Gee.” I breathed. He pulled back.   
“What?”  
“Well…Mikey? What about Mikey?” I asked almost desperately. It’s not that I didn’t like the idea of being his best friend, but I didn’t want him to rely on me that much. I was already taking his fiancée away from him, I didn’t want to take his best friend away too.  
“He’s my brother. It’s…it’s different.” He shrugged, swaying me slightly. I held tightly onto his arms and leaned up, kissing him hungrily.  
“You’re my best friend too. God, I love you.” I murmured, rubbing his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, kissing me harder. I could tell where this was going before it even started.   
“Baby, calm down.” I murmured. He shook his head and pressed me against the wall, pulling my legs around his waist.  
“Fuck me.” He breathed against my mouth. I let my head fall back and sighed.  
“I just fucked you. Baby, I think we need to talk.” I murmured. He let out a pained gasp.  
“No! No, don’t talk. Fuck me.” He breathed, grinding himself against me. I noted with some concern that he wasn’t even hard.   
“Gee. Stop it.” I said firmly, pushing him back. He ran a hand through his wet hair, but nodded.   
“Okay. Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. We should…we should talk.” He agreed, nodding softly. I reached out and held his hand, but he retracted it.   
“Stop being such a bitch, Gerard.” I snapped, turning the shower off. He let out a bitter snort, and I glared at him as I reached for a towel, wrapping it around my waist. He just pulled his boxers back on, crossing his arms over his chest.   
“I’m not a bitch. Sorry if I’m fucking attracted to you.” He said curtly. I rolled my eyes and walked into the bedroom.  
“The problem is” I said, searching for a pair of boxers “you don’t want to fuck. You want to avoid talking.” I said simply. He sat down on the bed and gave me an almost apologetic smile.   
“Fucking hurts less than talking.” He admitted gently. I sat down next to him and held his hand, bringing it up to my lips and kissing it. I watched him relax slightly at the gesture.   
“Only sometimes.” I pointed out. He gave a light laugh and leaned against me.  
“Good point. But nonetheless, can we wait until we get home? I want this trip to be just us and love and…and no bullshit. Alright?” he asked. I sighed, pushing his hair back from his face.  
“We need to talk. You’re hiding something from me.” I said firmly. He shrugged.  
“Not really. I’m just…I’m putting something off.” He admitted. I pressed my lips together.  
“Why am I scared?” I asked softly. He tilted my head up and kissed me softly.  
“Don’t be afraid. You’re the love of my life.” He murmured. I nodded and kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck.   
“You’re mine too.” I whispered. He smiled against my lips.  
“Don’t assume that.” He murmured. I never got a chance to reply, because he chose that moment to kiss me hard, and suddenly I forgot how to speak. I forgot that there was something he wasn’t telling me, and that I needed to talk to him about it.   
Damn, I even forgot my own name.   
He always had that effect on me.


	67. Crimson and Clover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of horror/blood/violence/death

Despite what he said, Gerard’s mood didn’t improve at all, and he didn’t become any less cryptic. The rest of the days of our ‘romantic’ trip were spent with him being reserved and aloof, and with me getting frustrated.   
If he wasn’t ignoring me or being stubborn, then he was trying to get me to fuck him. There was no in-between, and it was driving me crazy. I was almost relieved when we packed up the car and drove home.   
“You should probably talk to me.” He sighed after half an hour of me staring out the window and not speaking to him. I slid an earbud out and looked at him.   
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Gerard. We were supposed to have fun together, and you’ve just been a miserable asshole the whole time.” I snapped. He sighed resignedly and held my hand. I left it limp, but didn’t pull away.   
“I know I have. I know it must have been infuriating for you, and I’m sorry. It’s just…” he sighed, shrugging.   
“I don’t want you to leave me. I mean, we have one more full day, and then you’re going. Like, do you even realize how scary that is for me? Tomorrow I’m taking you to the train station, and then you’re going to go away from me. I can’t deal with it.” He admitted, a frown pulling on his lips. I sighed, looking up at him with an expression that said ‘well I don’t fucking know’.   
“I’m scared too. Not just about being away from you, but about going. I’m leaving the place I grew up, and I’m doing new stuff and meeting new people and…and I’m scared.” I said softly. It was the first time I’d admitted it, even to myself. He nodded slowly, bringing my hand up to his lips and holding it there for a minute.   
“I know, sweetie. I know you’re scared. But you’re gonna have the best time, I swear. You’re going to be great.” He smiled gently, rubbing my hand. I sighed deeply.   
“I’ll miss you, though.” I said for added measure. He gave me a soft grin.  
“I don’t want you to miss me. I want you to have fun.” He insisted. I sighed and looked back out the window.  
“Yeah, well. I’ll miss you anyway.” I mumbled. He gave a sad little smile.  
“Maybe at first. But you’ll learn, you know? I mean, you’ll learn how to live without me.”   
“Yeah, I know. But it’s gonna suck.” I sighed, putting my hand on his leg. He nodded silently, biting down on his lip.  
“Wanna do something today, then? I mean, since we didn’t get the trip we wanted.” He asked with a grim smile. I shrugged.   
“I guess. If you want to.” I smiled. He nodded.  
“Yeah. Our last day together.” He murmured, a frown pulling at his lips. I squeezed his leg.  
“Hey, come on. Baby, it’s okay.” I murmured, rubbing his leg. He shook his head.

“No, it’s not.” He sighed, sounding almost annoyed. I bit my lip and nodded in agreement. It’s not even like I could tell him otherwise. The situation was shitty and we both knew it.

 

Mikey was already waiting for us when we pulled up, leaning against the front door and smiling. Gerard’s face broke into a grin, and he almost ripped the car door off in his excitement to rush at him. They collided hard and somehow managed to form into a hug.  
“Missed you so much, Mikes.” Gerard said. I slid out of the car and smiled, leaning against it as I watched them. Mikey pulled away and inspected him.   
“You’re alright?” He murmured. Gerard laughed lightly.  
“I’m fine.” He said brightly. It warmed my heart to see him so happy, and I was immediately glad that Mikey was there. Mikey’s eyes flickered to me and his smile weakened.  
“And Frank? Is he…is he alright?” He asked gently. I frowned in confusion.   
“Mikey…it uh. There’s been a bit of a…” Gerard began. Mikey held up a hand to silence him.  
“I don’t even wanna hear it.” He sighed. He smiled at me and beckoned me over.  
“Did you have fun?” he asked when I approached. I nodded, sliding my hand into Gerard’s.   
“It was fun. I’m glad to be back, though.” I said with a little smile. Gerard nodded in agreement. Mikey smiled and ushered us inside.   
“I’ll grab your bags.” He volunteered. I didn’t miss the hard glare he gave Gerard as he left. As soon as the door shut, Gerard pulled me into his arms, burying his face in my neck.   
“I’ve missed home.” He murmured. I wrapped my arms around him and giggled.  
“What do you mean? I was with you the whole time.” I said brightly. He pulled back, his expression unreadable.  
“That was…” he laughed, shaking his head. He leaned in and gave me a deep kiss, and I couldn’t help but smile as I kissed him back, my hand running through his hair.   
“I love you.” He hummed. I grinned and swayed him gently.  
“I love you too, baby. More than you know.” I sighed, stroking his cheek. He reached down and lifted me up, carrying me to the sofa.   
“Love me lots and lots?” he giggled, kissing my neck, before dumping me down onto the sofa. I grinned up at him.  
“Yep. Lots and lots and lots.” I giggled. He crawled on top of me and smirked before kissing me again.  
“Mm. Sounds go-“  
“Holy fucking-. Gerard, what’s wrong with you?” Mikey groaned. Gerard and I both looked up, and blushed when we saw Mikey staring at us, our bags on the floor.  
“Uh, Mikes-“  
“Nope. I’m out.” He said, rushing to the stairs. Gerard smiled and turned back to kissing me, his hands running down my chest. This time, I was only too happy to oblige.   
“So. What did you wanna do today?” He murmured, kissing my neck. I hummed happily.  
“Mm. I don’t mind.” I purred, leaning up into him. He rolled his eyes.   
“You’re so goddamn indecisive.” He giggled. I bit my lip and looked at him, my eyebrows furrowed.   
“What’s Mikey’s problem?” I asked suddenly. Gerard’s smile faltered a little, his face flushing.  
“What? What do you mean?”  
“I just…I feel like I’m missing something.” I murmured, looking up at him. He shook his head and kissed me gently.   
“Nothing you need to worry about now. I love you.” He purred. I nodded and accepted his kiss, winding my arms around his neck.   
“How about we get some snacks and watch some horror movies?” I murmured against his mouth. I felt warm as his mouth turned up under mine.   
“Yeah. Sounds perfect.” He murmured, rubbing his hands along my sides. He pulled away and looked at me with a soft expression, his eyes almost sad. I laughed and sat up.  
“What?” I smiled. He shrugged and kissed my forehead.   
“I’m just gonna miss you.” He breathed against my skin, before pulling back and standing up.   
“I’ll miss you too.” I replied. He nodded and patted his pocket almost absent-mindedly.   
“I’m gonna…I’m gonna go buy some snacks.” He murmured, scratching his neck. He seemed distracted, but I wasn’t completely sure that I wanted to know why. I had a bad feeling about all of this.   
“Okay…I’ll grab the movies then.” I murmured. He nodded distractedly and grabbed his jacket. He looked at me like he was going to say something, but changed his mind and walked out the door, closing it softly behind him. I sighed and rose to my feet, moving to Gerard’s admittedly impressive collection of DVDs underneath his TV. I searched through, pulling out and putting back a few, occasionally scoffing at his awful taste.  I decided on Scream and Nightmare on Elm street, but frowned when I could only find the remake.   
“Fuckin’ Gerard.” I sighed. I figured, though, that looking for the original was a good excuse to go interrogate Mikey. Awful remake in hand, I made my way upstairs and knocked on his door.   
“Come in!” he called. I popped my head around the door and smiled, and I could almost see his face dropping.   
“Oh, hey Frankie.” He mumbled. I walked in and waved the box.  
“Do you know if Gee has the original to this?” I asked. He looked almost relieved and nodded, moving to a cabinet underneath his small bedroom TV.  
“Yeah, I borrowed it.” He murmured, sifting through. I sat down on his bed and nodded, taking a deep breath.   
“So, ah. What’s going on with you and Gerard?” I asked suddenly. He froze visibly, and tried to compose himself.   
“Nothing. What makes you think something’s going on?” he mumbled. I shrugged.   
“Just…I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.” I said, a definite firmness in my voice. Mikey pulled the film out and handed it to me. I took it, but didn’t say anything, still looking at him harshly. He sighed resignedly.   
“Okay, yes. There’s something I thought Gerard was going to speak to you about, and he didn’t. Happy?” He snapped. I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows. That couldn’t be good.   
“Is it a good something?”  
“It’s a necessary something.” He said, his voice soft. That definitely wasn’t good. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, my body almost shaking with nerves. It could honestly be anything, knowing Gerard.   
But then again, how bad could it be? Mikey wanted us together, so if he deemed it necessary, then it was probably beneficial.   
“Necessary good?” I asked weakly. He sighed and turned around, looking at me with exasperation.   
“Stop overthinking, Frank. You’re gonna give yourself a damn hemorrhage. Just calm down, have your gay ass movie session, and get your cute self ready for University tomorrow.” He said, a smile playing at his lips. It was that, rather than his actual words, that reassured me somewhat. If it was something really, really bad, Mikey wouldn’t hide it.   
It’s not like he’s ever lied to me before to spare my feelings, right?

 

Gerard returned a few moments later and, not finding me downstairs, he made his way up to Mikey’s room. I didn’t miss the look of panic that crossed his face when he saw us both in there together, and it made my previous reassurance seem invalid. Maybe there was something very wrong, after all.   
“What are you guys talking about?” he demanded, his voice urgent. Mikey rolled his eyes, and I held the movie up feebly.   
“I…just looking for this.” I said softly. Gerard didn’t even bother hiding his look of relief, and grinned at us.  
“Oh! Okay, that’s good. I mean, that’s a good movie. Love the classics.” He said, backing out of the room. I got the feeling (not that he was trying to hide it at all) that he wanted us to leave, so I stood up.  
“Alright, well. I’ll see you later, dude.” I said to Mikey. He nodded and gave a soft wave, his eyes flicking between me and Gerard. Gerard grabbed my wrist and tugged me towards the stairs. The tension was definitely high as I followed him, my heart racing. There was definitely something up.

“So, horror movies. That’s all you and Mikey spoke about, right?” he asked, trying to keep his voice light. I sighed and dropped onto the sofa, looking up at him almost accusingly.   
“Yeah, pretty much.” I said, keeping my eyes on him. He walked over with a shopping bag, dropping it on the coffee table. He started taking some of the snacks out, and looked at me suspiciously.   
“Pretty much or yes?” He demanded. I sighed and shoved Scream into the DVD player.   
“If you’re wondering if I asked him why you’re being so fucking weird – the answer is yes. I did.” I said curtly, dropping beside him on the sofa. He put his arm around me and glanced at me nervously.   
“Yeah? And what did he say?” he asked softly. I looked up at the screen, then back to him.  
“Nothing. He didn’t tell me shit, Gerard. Which means you have to.” I said. He shook his head and took my hand, placing our entwined hands in his lap.  
“Later, alright? This is our last day. Let’s spend it being happy.” He said, kissing our joined hands. I realized he was right, and leaned against him, smiling when he wrapped an arm around me and carded his hand softly through my hair.   
Gerard snorted with laughter as he reached for the bag of chips and I grinned up at him.   
“What?” I asked softly. He gestured to the TV screen.   
“The dumb Drew Barrymore bitch. Says she’s seen Friday the 13th 23 times, and she doesn’t even know that Mrs Voorhees is the killer? Stupid.” He said, shaking his head in dismay. I laughed and hit his arm.   
“Oh, come on. If it were you in there, we’d both be dead.” I said. He raised his eyebrows.  
“Au contraire, my darling love. I’d save both our asses, and then fuck yours.” He teased. I sat up on my knees and grinned at him.   
“Alright. Who was the killer in Psycho?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.  
“Seriously? Norman Bates. Dressed as his mother. The opposite of Friday the 13th.” He said, his voice bored. I arched an eyebrow.  
“Okay, okay. That was a warm up round. Who was the killer in My Bloody Valentine?”   
“Tom Hanniger. Unless you mean the original killer, then it was Harry Warden.” He said quickly.   
“Fuck. Alright, alright. Repo! The Genetic Opera. Which female rock –“  
“Joan Jett.” He interrupted. I gasped, shrieking with laughter.  
“You didn’t let me finish!” I cried. He looked at me incredulously.   
“Which female rock goddess featured for no reason at all in a mediocre musical number. Joan Jett.”   
“Joan Jett’s hot.” I replied. He considered this for a moment, then nodded.   
“Yeah. If I was straight, I’d do Joan Jett.”  
“Who wouldn’t?” I snorted. I looked at him, then nodded.  
“Okay, pretty boy. Final question.”   
“I’m ready.” He smirked. I looked at him for a moment before replying.   
“The name of the puppet in the SAW movies. What was it?” I said darkly. He widened his eyes for a moment, then a confident smirk settled over his face.  
“Jigsaw.” He said firmly. I beamed in delight.  
“Wrong answer!” I said, putting on my best ghostface voice. He looked at me, dumbfounded.  
“What! No, it’s-“  
“Jigsaw is the name of the killer. The puppet is named-“  
“Billy! Fuck!” Gerard cried, smacking his head. I put a hand on his throat.  
“Looks like you and your bitch gotta die.” I growled, squeezing softly. He laughed and pulled me onto his lap.  
“Mm. Squeeze harder, ghostface. Maybe you’ll give me a hard on.” He giggled. I kissed him softly, wrapping my arms around him.   
“You’d be dead if this were Scream.” I said pointedly, dropping back next to him. He rolled his eyes and held me close, helping himself to a handful of chips.  
“Yeah, yeah, alright. But you know, if it was that Billy guy killing me, I don’t think I’d mind. Especially at the end when he’s all covered in blood. God _damn”_ Gerard said, nodding appreciatively. I snorted and took a handful of chips.   
“Nah, you’re gonna get fucked up by Shaggy from Scooby Doo.” I said, gesturing to the screen. Gerard rolled his eyes and looked at me incredulously.  
“He’s only the wingman. Sexy Billy does all the killing. That’s the thing with Craven movies – it’s always the sexy, shady boyfriend.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows.  
“Bullshit! In Nightmare on Elm Street, they only think it’s the sexy shady guy.” I argued. Gerard shrugged.  
“Johnny Depp’s in that one. Do you really think I was paying attention to literally anything else?”  he said, as if it was obvious. I nodded slowly, reaching for the bag of Skittles.  
“Point made.” I agreed, munching happily on them. Gerard pressed his lips to the top of my head and hummed happily, his hand still stroking my hair softly.   
“Is this what it’s gonna be like when we’re married?” I asked gently. He let out a nervous laugh and squeezed my hip.  
“Yeah. I suppose so.” He smiled softly, kissing the top of my head again. I held his hand tightly in mine, as if I could squeeze away the worry that was building up in my chest.  
We watched the film in silence for a few moments, both of us, it seemed, searching for something to say to each other. I was desperate to know what he was keeping from me, and he seemed desperate to distract me.   
“Those rules of horror are bullshit.” He says after a moment. A small smile pulled up at my mouth. He’s too cute.  
“Yeah? I think they’re alright.”  
“Well, they are and they aren’t. You shouldn’t have sex in a horror movie. You shouldn’t drink or do drugs. That’s true. But it’s more intricate than that.”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah. Like, okay. So, if there’s a couple in the movie, one of them is gonna die. The other one is gonna live and be the hero.”   
“Not always.”  
“True. Not always. They’re either both gonna die, or one is gonna live to the end. Fair?”  
“Fair. And accurate.”  
“Exactly. It’s all that…all that emotional response bullshit.” He said, waving a hand. I arched an eyebrow.  
“So which one of us would die in a movie, then?” I asked. He chewed over this for a moment.   
“Okay. So, a teacher secretly fucking his student? Who’s the killer?”  
“The killer is another student.” I replied immediately. He nodded.  
“Right. In that case, I’d die. And they’d do it in a gory as fuck way. Like, cut my heart out and write “I fuck kids” on the wall with my blood.” He considered. I laughed and kissed his hand.  
“And then I’d kill them?”  
“You’d kill them. Or you’d die. I’m not sure.” He said seriously. I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the movie.  
“But if you seduced me, then you’d die first. I’d die a few scenes later.” He said decisively. I looked up and gave him an amused smile.   
“What are the circumstances in which you live?” I asked. He smiled.  
“I wouldn’t. It’s just the rules.” He explained gently. I leaned up and kissed his cheek.  
“Mm. Well, I’m happy we’re not in a horror movie, then.” I giggled. He smiled fondly at me and hugged me tightly.  
“You’re never gonna get rid of me.” He mumbled, rubbing my arm. I hummed happily and nuzzled into him, smiling as he wrapped his arms more firmly around me. I played absent-mindedly with the ring on my finger, feeling a gentle warmth spread through me. No matter what it was that Gerard was hiding from me, I knew we’d get through it. We were eternal, like two separate lights convulsing in the darkness of an unborn universe, soaring through a seemingly endless stream of nothingness, until we meet. And the collision sparks a fire that’s brighter than the sun, and burns until…until when? The end of the world, perhaps. Or maybe just the end of our lives.   
The bottom line is that we were very, very in love. He held my heart, and I held his, and I had no intention of ever, ever giving it back. I loved him more than I thought I could ever love anybody.   
I opened my mouth to tell him that, but all that came out was   
“Pass the chips, idiot.”   
He did as I said, but gave me a coy, knowing smile as he did so.   
Maybe he really could read my mind. Or maybe he was just thinking the same thing as me.

I doubted it, though. We were never really that in-sync.

 

As the credits for Scream came on, Gerard rose to his feet, stretching.   
“Put on the next movie, doll.” He said, kissing my forehead as he padded into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, but did as he said.   
“Yeah? And where do you think you’re going?” I asked teasingly. He didn’t reply, and I busied myself with the task of taking out the old movie and putting the new one in. By the time I’d done that and turned around, Gerard was sitting on the sofa with a beer in his hand, and another one waiting for me. I arched an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes.  
“We’re celebrating.” He reasoned with a shrug, taking a long sip. I snatched mine and glared at him as I drank it, and he rolled his eyes again.  
“Or you could trust me, dumbass. I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I swear.” He said, holding a hand up in oath. I snorted at his ridiculousness and snuggled up in his arms.  
“It’s not like I don’t know that you’ve been drinking behind my back, anyway.” I sniffed. He let out a gentle whine and kissed my cheek.  
“Mm. You’re too clever.” He murmured, rubbing my face with his thumb. I frowned up at him, but I couldn’t muster a convincing disappointed expression.   
“I was trying to help you.” I snapped. He sighed and shrugged.  
“I’m getting better. It’s not as bad, it’s just…cold turkey doesn’t work for me.” He mumbled. I nodded understandingly and rubbed his arm.   
“Hey, it’s fine. Look, it’s our last day. I’m not gonna bitch at you.” I murmured, pulling him down for a kiss. He kissed me back chastely, then turned to look at the screen.  
“Mm. Johnny Depp.” He mumbled. I laughed and looked at the screen, nodding in agreement.  
“He was such a twink back then.” I sighed. Gerard raised his eyebrows.  
“You’re a twink now.” He pointed out. I snorted.  
“Uh, ‘cause I’m barely legal. You just wait until I’m your age, buddy. I’m gonna be hot and Daddy as fuck.” I pointed out. He hummed and nuzzled into my neck.  
“Mm. You’re already Daddy as fuck. Daddy.” He purred, his hand running down my thigh. I laughed and pushed his hand away.  
“Aw, come on Gee. I wanna watch this.” I said in protest. He laughed, but put his arm around my shoulders.  
“Tonight I’m gonna fuck you, okay? Gonna fuck you until you can’t breathe.” He murmured, rubbing my shoulder. I smiled and leaned back into his arms.   
“That sounds so, so good.” I murmured, entwining our hands. He rested his cheek on my head as we watched the movie together, occasionally making little quips about the acting or – more importantly – Johnny Depp’s ass.

 

A short while after Nightmare on Elm Street had ended, and we put on normal TV to watch, Mikey decided that it was safe enough to emerge from his bedroom. He sat on the armchair by the TV while Gerard and I continued to snuggle on the sofa. It was the ideal arrangement for all of us, I thought.   
“So, I’m thinking pizza for dinner.” Gerard announced after a while. Mikey moaned and nodded excitedly.  
“Yes! I so need pizza right now.” He said. I giggled and squeezed Gerard’s hand.   
“Yeah, I could go for pizza.” I said, kissing his hand. He looked between Mikey and I.

“Alright. Which one of you is buying?” He asked deadpan, but it was only a few seconds before his face broke out into a smile. He got to his feet and made his way over to the phone.   
I could almost feel Mikey’s eyes on me, and I looked over at him, raising my eyebrows.  
“He hasn’t told me yet.” I said curtly. Mikey shrugged.  
“I know. You wouldn’t be this calm if he had.” He murmured. I sighed and looked at him, chewing my lip.  
“Is it bad? Like, is it real bad?” I asked gently. Mikey shook his head.  
“I think…you’ll see his point.” He murmured softly. I sighed and crossed my arms, facing the TV. I didn’t have time for his cryptic bullshit. In that respect, if no other, he was exactly like his big brother. I supposed it must have been something that they picked up from their parents, or at least from spending so many years together. In every other respect, I loved how close they were, but right now it was fucking annoying. I wish one of them would just tell me what the big secret was.   
Gerard interrupted my thoughts by sitting back down next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders. Immediately, my bad mood dissipated, and I leaned into him, kissing his throat gently.   
“So, Mikes. I’m taking Frankie to the station at about 9 tomorrow morning. Do you wanna come with us?” he asked gently. Mikey shook his head, and I felt my heart drop. I hadn’t realized how much I would miss him until just then.  
“I’m bad at goodbyes as it is. I’d rather just…pretend I’m gonna see you soon.” He said with a weak smile. I smiled softly at him and nodded. I totally understood that.   
“Hey, I will see you soon. I’m gonna come down like, every weekend.” I promised. The brothers shared a disbelieving look that I pretended not to see, but which made my heart sink in my chest.  
I made it my personal mission to prove them both wrong.

 

The pizza arrived about half an hour later, and both Gerard and Mikey went to the door to grab it. I pretended not to realize that they were talking about me the whole time in hushed whispers. From what I could obtain from their almost silent talking, Mikey was urging Gerard to tell me whatever it was, and Gerard was pussying out. That wasn’t too unusual – that seemed to always be the case, actually.   
Still, the familiarity of the situation didn’t make it any easier to deal with. I was still, if not even more so, worried about what Gerard had to say to me. At this point, him cheating on me would be good news compared to what was going on in my mind.   
“You shouldn’t scrunch your face up like that, sweetheart. Might stick.” Gerard teased, passing me the plate of pizza. I stuck my tongue out at him, and accepted the plate. The sight of food lifted my mood somewhat, and within moments I found myself being almost completely distracted by how goddamn good that pizza was. It did enter my mind, momentarily, that maybe that was Gerard’s intention, but I decided that I definitely didn’t care. It was working, after all.   
The conversation after that turned lighter, and we discussed what my university would actually be like. Gerard shared anecdotes of his time at University, and Mikey and I listened eagerly. If my time was going to be anything like his, I couldn’t wait. It seemed like he had a blast.   
We talked for a bit about how nervous I was, and how sad I was to be leaving everyone and everything that I’d come to love. Gerard and Mikey being the obvious ones, but I was also going to miss my Mom and my friends. I was going to miss my shitty Saturday job and even my school. I could have made a very, very long list of things I was going to miss, but I didn’t want to bum myself out. I knew that, in the end, this would all be worth it. That was all that mattered.   
We spent the rest of the night eating pizza and talking happily, and it was easy, for the most part, to pretend that everything was okay.   
That only changed when, at about 11, Gerard announced that we should get to bed, because we had a big day ahead of us. Mikey stood up and pulled me into a tight hug that I couldn’t help but return.   
“I love you, man. You’re gonna have the best time.” He breathed, squeezing me. I felt tears prickling my eyes, but wouldn’t let them fall as I hugged him back. It was awful – worse than I expected. It was like I was losing a brother.   
“I’m gonna miss you, Mikes. Stay in touch, alright?” I gasped. He pulled away and gave me a sad, teary smile, and it made me feel less bad for being teary myself.  
“I will. You’re my brother, alright? No matter what.” He said, gripping my hand. I smiled and pulled him in for another tight hug. We stood there for a moment before he pulled away, laughing slightly.   
“I should go to bed. Goodnight, Frank. It’s been…it’s been unbelievable.” He grinned. Without another word, he turned and ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I assumed that it was because he couldn’t wait to get away from me, for fear he’d start crying.   
I knew the feeling.   
When I turned to face Gerard, he was looking at me with an expression that was unreadable.   
“What?” I asked softly. He shook his head and took my hand firmly in his.  
“Lets just go to bed, alright? I…I need to feel you.” He breathed. Just like that, my body was awake and so, so ready for him. My whole being yearned for him like he was a piece that was physically missing from me. He led me up the stairs slowly but with purpose, and when we finally got to his room, he didn’t hesitate to push me against the wall and claim my mouth roughly. I whimpered against him and threaded my hands through his hair, trying to memorise the way the soft strands fell through my fingers.  
“Oh, baby.” He gasped, his hands moving to fumble with my belt. I leaned my head back against the door and moaned, tugging my shirt over my head. Gerard made a soft noise of triumph as he slid my pants and boxers down over my thighs, and I quickly pushed them all the way off, kicking them to the side. He looked at me hungrily, his face almost predatory.  
“Bed. Prep yourself.” He growled.  I shook my head, moving forward to undo his pants.  
“No. You’re gonna prep me, asshole.” I snarled. He laughed gently in amusement and nodded.  
“Shit, alright. I just…I’m so desperate for you.” He hummed, pulling his shirt over his head. I moaned and kissed his chest, flicking my tongue against his nipples as I shoved his pants down.  
“Oh! Fuck.” He hissed, sliding his pants and boxers the rest of the way down and throwing them to the side with the rest of our discarded clothes.  
Once naked, we stopped to grin at each other, and I let my eyes rake over him. He was so damn beautiful. It was almost like he got more beautiful every single time I saw him.   
It felt almost unfair.   
He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and I – quite literally – leaped on him, crashing my lips against his. He fell backwards onto the bed, his hands gripping me desperately tightly, his tongue prodding against my lips.  
“Fuck. Fuck, Gerard.” I hissed, moving my lips down to his neck. He wasted no time in sucking eagerly on his fingers, before flipping us over so he was on top of me. He looked at me longingly for a moment, before sliding a finger inside of me. I arched and cried out, my eyes squeezing shut in pure pleasure. He let out a smug breath as he slid his finger in and out of me, his eyes dark and heavy on mine. I gasped and let out a shuddering breath, rolling my hips down onto him. I needed more, and I needed it right fucking now.  
“Fuck. Give me more, Gee. Need more.” I panted. He let out a gentle groan as he slid his second finger into me. I moaned loudly, gripping the pillow as I felt the familiar pleasure and pain of the gentle burn. I wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled myself up for a kiss, which he returned generously and eagerly. I could almost feel the air vibrating with how badly we wanted each other. It was like a tangible presence in the room. He panted against my lips and I smirked, pulling away.  
“You gonna fuck me or what?” I teased, slapping his ass playfully. He bit his lip and moaned, wiggling his eyebrows.  
“Maybe I will…” he teased. I sighed.  
“You’re a dork. Shove your cock in me.” I giggled. He smiled and lined himself up, and I moaned loudly as I felt his tip pressing into me. I needed to be fucked. I needed him to fuck me and kiss me and mark me up, so I would remember, every day for the next three years, that I belonged to him.   
He let out a shuddering breath as he sunk into me, biting his lip. He moaned and leaned down, kissing me roughly, his hands framing my face as he slid into me.  
“F-Frankie! Baby, fuck.” He whispered urgently against my mouth. I arched my back, my mouth falling open as he stretched me.   
“S-so big. So full.” I whimpered, rolling my hips down onto him. He growled and kissed me harder as he began to move inside me, his hips rolling up almost urgently in me. It was too rough, too hard, and it hurt a little; but I think it was what we both needed. We needed it to hurt so we could feel it. He bit down possessively on my throat and I scratched my nails down his back. What we really needed, I realized, was to make the other remember. He fucked me hard and rough so I’d remember his laugh and his eyes and the way his mouth always drooped on the one side. I pulled his hair and scratched his back so that he’d remember the way my voice sounded and the way I smiled and how my hands felt in his. We left imprints on each other as we rocked desperately against each other, the bed slamming against the wall. He gasped, kissing me hard, and I ran my hands down his sweat-drenched arms. I could barely breathe – it felt like I’d been running for miles and miles. I lifted my hand and slapped his ass hard, and he snarled, biting down on my lip. I let my hand fall back on his ass, squeezing the soft, plump skin between my fingers. He let out a soft laugh, moving his lips down to my throat as he rocked desperately into me. The sound of skin slapping skin was almost as deafening as the roar of our breath, the way we both panted and moaned, and the way our whimpers tangled in the air. Already the room stunk of sweat and the thick haze that came with sex. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head, resting his forehead against mine.   
“Frankie.” He whispered. I whimpered and kissed him.  
“Oh, Gerard.” I whined, locking my legs around his hips. He gasped and held my thighs, slamming harder into me. I felt like I might split in half, and I yearned for it. I could, in that occurance, simply leave one half of me here with him. It would certainly make things easier, I supposed.   
“I…I’m trying so hard not to cum.” He whispered, his mouth a vague smile. I ran a hand through his damp hair and shook my head.  
“No, fuck. Cum, please. Gee, please baby.” I begged, kissing his jaw. He let out a short grunt as he claimed my lips, his hips slamming into me only a few more times, until I felt his cock twitch inside me and he came hard, his mouth falling open as he rode out his orgasm. He stopped moving for a moment, then looked up at me and gave me a weary smile.   
“Okay…fuck…I’m gonna…”  He whispered as he slid out of me. I whined at the loss and he smirked, sliding further down my body, pressing little kisses as he went.  
“Your turn.” He purred as he settled between my legs. I barely had time to react before he was taking my cock in his mouth, sucking gently on the head. It was almost like he knew exactly what I needed, because I came almost embarrassingly quickly only moments later.   
He pulled away and climbed back up my body, collapsing beside me, his breathing hard. I could barely breathe, my body actually twitching as I gasped for air.   
That had been so…perfect. It was what I needed.   
“Baby.” He hummed, pulling me into his arms. I curled against him, pressing tiny kisses to his soft, salty skin. He was covered in sweat, and we both smelled disgusting, but right now it was the most beautiful thing in the world to me. He cradled me in his arms for a moment, his breath shaking as he gasped for air. I noticed his arms trembling around me and snuggled further into him, as if that would help.   
“Frankie…sweetheart. I need to talk to you about something.” He whispered, brushing my hair back. I looked up and smiled gently.  
“Anything.” I breathed. He reached down and held both my hands, brushing his lips along my knuckles for a moment before he spoke.  
“I don’t want you to freak out, okay? Just…hear me out.” He murmured. I nodded, suddenly seized with fear. This was it. This was the big secret.   
“I love you. God, Frank, I just love you so much. I didn’t think I could be in love like this until I met you. I can’t wait until we’re married, and you’re mine. I’m gonna be counting down the days until that happens.” He hummed. I looked up and nodded.  
“Me too.” I breathed. He nodded vaguely.  
“But that’s not happening for a very, very long time. And being realistic, it’s unlikely that you’re going to wait for me.” He said firmly.   
“No, babe, I-“  
“Lemme finish. Being realistic, you’re not going to wait for me. You’re going to sleep with other people, and date other people, and maybe fall in love with other people. And that’s okay. You’re 18 years old, you’re living on your own. You deserve to have all the freedom in the world. I don’t want you to limit yourself and your own happiness because you know I’m waiting for you, so…” he took a breath. I knew I should say something, but I couldn’t. My lip just trembled softly as I watched him, waiting for him to serve the fatal blow.   
“So I think we should break up.” He whispered. That was it. That was the punch I’d been waiting for. My heart plummeted into my stomach, and I was seized with terror.  
“Gerard, no. Please, I don’t…don’t do this. Baby, don’t do this.” I pleaded, holding his face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and clouded my vision.  
“Frankie, stop. I love you. Believe me when I say that this is killing me. But it would kill me even more if I knew I was holding you back from being truly happy.” He whispered. I couldn’t even respond. I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. I could almost feel everything collapsing in.   
“But you make me happy.” I whispered. He nodded and kissed my engagement ring.   
“You make me happy too. And baby, once you’re back, I’m gonna marry you in a minute. If you finish University and you still want me, I’m going to marry the shit out of you. But that’s a big maybe.” He murmured. I shook my head, even though I knew he’d made up his mind.   
“Don’t leave me.” I gasped. He wiped his eyes, his arms still trembling around me.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He whispered, pulling me close. I let him hug me, but all I could do was cry.   
“I don’t want anyone else, Gee. I fuckin’…I only want you.” I gasped between sobs. He kissed my face, even as his own contorted with despair.  
“I’m so fucking sorry. God, I’m sorry.” He whimpered, rubbing my back. I rested my head on his chest, and he combed softly through my hair. Occasionally, one of us would sniff loudly or hiccup, but other than that, it was silent. I pulled away a little and looked him in the eyes.  
“I…I guess…” I mumbled, pulling my ring off. I put it in his hand, biting my lip.  
“I guess this is yours, then.”I whispered, my voice breaking. He closed his hand around the ring and looked up at the ceiling as fresh tears spilled down his face.   
“I guess so.” He whispered. He slid it onto his own finger and frowned. I knew what he was thinking – it didn’t look right when it wasn’t on me. He held me tightly in his arms, and I kissed every bit of him I could reach until my tears ran dry, and all I was left with was a headache and a broken heart. I buried my face in his chest and he let his arms rest loosely around me.  
“Frankie? You should sleep, alright? Big day tomorrow.” He murmured, kissing the top of my head. I nodded, wrapping my arms around his waist.  
“You’re gonna stay with me tonight, right Gee? You’re not gonna go sleep somewhere else?” I whispered, sounding to my own ears so young and vulnerable. He nodded softly.  
“Baby, I’m gonna be right here. I only have a few more hours to hold you in my arms, and I’d rather die than spend them doing anything but this.” He whispered, his voice shaking.   
It was only with that reassurance that I eventually dropped off to sleep, knowing with full awareness that Gerard wouldn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t even imagine how much pain he must be in.   
If my heart was breaking, he was already dead.


	68. Departure from Platform 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is, technically, the final chapter, although this isn't the final ending.   
> I'm going to post the epilogue in a few hours' time. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed (or hated) this story.

Gerard was sleeping when I woke up. That was a relief, at least. He was sprawled out on the bed, his face smushed into the pillow, tear tracks still visible on his cheeks. The half-filled coffee cup on the bedside table that wasn’t there when I went to bed, confirmed that he hadn’t slept. He must have just fallen asleep, then.   
I sighed as I looked at him, my eyes still swollen from sleep and crying. It was so hard to watch him, and know he wasn’t mine. For the first time in a long time, I was completely alone.   
The thought was almost enough to make me start crying again.   
I sniffed back my tears and watched him, feeling my heart swell. It’s cliché, but he really did look so peaceful while he was asleep. Like nothing in the world could bother him. I smiled softly and rested my hand gently on his arm, feeling his warmth. His skin was always so, so warm, and I had a sudden, desperate need to make sure I always remembered that. He sighed softly in his sleep, his eyebrows furrowing, making his face look more like it normally did. I frowned and stroked a hand across his forehead, as if I was trying to make the lines go away. He stirred and his eyes flickered open. He looked up at me and smiled gently.  
“Good morning.” He hummed, his voice groggy. I looked at him with a soft expression.  
“How much sleep did you get?” I asked gently. He reached over and looked at his phone.  
“It’s – what, 7? So…maybe three hours?” He said gently. I frowned, biting my lip.  
“You should sleep more.” I pointed out. He sighed and sat up, scratching the back of his head.  
“Sure. I’ll add it to the to do list.” He grumbled. I rolled my eyes and slid out of bed. It was so easy to forget that he wasn’t mine anymore. I ran a hand through my greasy hair and grimaced.  
“I need a shower.” I stated. He looked up and shrugged.  
“Go get one then.” He said simply. I felt my stomach drop, and I didn’t even know why. Maybe I’d sort of expected he’d still offer to join me, but by the firm set of his jaw, and the way he avoided my gaze, I knew that it was impossible. I nodded and made my way to the bathroom, not even bothering to look behind me. Not even when I heard him stand up and begin shuffling around the room.   
I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when I started crying, but by the time I shut and locked the bathroom door, the tears were spilling down my face. I leaned against the door, holding my mouth as I sobbed so he wouldn’t hear me. I couldn’t even express the pain I was in – even so, there was something oddly comforting about the feeling of my own tears sliding down my cheeks.   
I sniffed and shuffled over to the shower, turning it on, and starting to strip, before climbing into the shower.   
It was only when I started washing myself, that the realization of what I was doing hit me. I was washing my body and my hair with all the same products as him. My clothes would be washed in the same detergent as his.   
I would literally reek of him.   
I let out a pained sob and leaned against the shower wall, my body threatening to collapse in on itself. The water ran down my back, but I barely noticed it, shivering despite the heat. It was like Gerard had stolen all the warmth from me, leaving only a coldness that wrought itself around my bones.   
“Fuck.” I gasped, running my hands down my face as the water washed over me. It felt like I would always feel like this. My body would always tremble, my eyes would always be clouded with tears. My mouth couldn’t form words anymore, just incoherent sobs. I watched as the water travelled over the tattoo Gerard had drawn for me and rubbed it almost accusingly, daring it to come off of my skin, like it was pen instead of ink. I felt an aching in my chest when it dawned on me that he’d, quite literally, stained me.   
I slammed my hand against the wall and let out a frustrated cry as I sunk to my knees, my head in my hands.   
I could rip my fucking hair out. I could rip my fucking heart out.

 

My shower and time of self reflection and pity was cut short by the water running cold, feeling like a whip as it hit my back. I considered staying there, letting the ice cold water pierce my skin and wash over me, but I realized very quickly that there would be no point.   
Self pity wasn’t going to save my potential marriage, after all.  
I slid out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, turning to look in the mirror. I wiped the condensation off with my arm and frowned. I looked like absolute shit, but it was still better than I felt. I felt like I’d been hit with a train, and then spat on. I was sitting here, on a day which should be one of the best of my life, almost sobbing. At this rate, I didn’t even want to go.   
Gerard knocked on the bathroom door, and I wiped my eyes.  
“Frankie?” he called. I flinched at the nickname. It brought back memories of nights spent wrapped in his arms, or looking out from the top of buildings, or a ring slipped onto my finger.   
A ring that was gone now. Because I wasn’t engaged anymore.  
“Yeah Gee?” I called weakly, batting at my eyes.   
“Your Mom’s meeting us at the station with your stuff at 9. Is that okay?” he said. I sucked in a breath. That would certainly be interesting. Maybe she’d like him now that she knew we weren’t together.   
It was unlikely, though. Still, I was glad at the prospect of seeing her. Right now, it felt like she was the only constant thing in my life.   
“Yeah, fine.” I mumbled. He paused for a moment, and I heard him suck in a deep breath. It was almost comforting to know that he was as ‘not fine’ as I was.   
Or wasn’t.   
“You gonna come out?” he asked gently. I opened the door and gave him a smile.  
“Yeah. I’m out.” I said softly. He smiled at me, looking dazed, as if I’d caught him by surprise. We stared at each other for a moment in awkward silence.  
“Your hair looks good wet.” He said suddenly. I smiled softly.  
“Thanks.” I chuckled, running a hand through it. He looked at me with a soft expression, and I could literally see the tears forming in his eyes.  
“Baby, please. Please-“ I began, but he stepped away, his face becoming impassive again. I had to congratulate him on his will power, at least.   
“Get dressed. I’ll meet you in the car in like, twenty.” He said firmly, turning away. I sighed and shook my head, moving into his room to throw on the clothes I’d laid out for myself.  They seemed to squeeze my body, deforming me, even though I knew they fit fine. It was like I was suffocating, just being in the same house as him. There was a fire on my skin that only his hands could soothe but he wouldn’t touch me, even though he hated to see me burn.

We passed each other several times in the course of us both getting ready, as was expected. An awkward brush as we walked through a doorway, or the unspeakable awkwardness of me walking in on him getting dressed, and the accompanying semi-erection that followed.   
The only thing that either of us really found amusing, was when I walked in on him brushing his teeth. He was doing it quickly so we could leave sooner, and there was toothpaste all over his mouth and chin.  
“Dude. You look like you either have rabies, or you gave a really, really messy blowjob.” I said, leaning on the door. He looked up into the mirror and beamed, leaning down to spit into the sink.   
“Yeah? Does it look sexy?” He chuckled, pouting dramatically. I rolled my eyes.  
“Sure, Gee. Looks super hot.” I teased. He laughed, causing toothpaste to run even more down his chin. I grimaced and backed away.   
“Dude, you’re so gross.” I chuckled. He reached for a facecloth and wiped the toothpaste off, raising his eyebrows at me.   
“Oh, it seems we’ve come full circle.” He said, his voice amused. I looked at him with real interest, tilting my head.   
“Mm? How so? I don’t remember suddenly you becoming my teacher again.” I smiled. He rolled his eyes at me, doing up the buttons on his shirt.   
“We’re back to you thinking I’m an unattractive asshole.” He pointed out. I grinned.  
“I wouldn’t call you unattractive.” I teased. He rolled up a towel and smacked my arm with it.  
“Dick.” He chuckled. I smiled fondly at him, and didn’t miss the soft smile he shot at me. It was almost like everything was perfect.   
I think we both realized at the same time that things weren’t perfect. We weren’t together anymore, my ring was in his bedside drawer, and he was taking me to the train station to send me away from him. Things couldn’t be worse.  
“I think this is going to work, you know.” He murmured, not making any move to come closer to me.   
“What is?” I asked softly. He shrugged.  
“This. Us…being like this. It takes away some of the pressure.” He said flippantly, but I could tell easily that he was lying. Maybe he wasn’t even trying to cover it anymore. He knew that I knew him too well, after all.   
“You’re an idiot.” I mumbled, turning and walking out of the bathroom. He said something from behind me, but I wasn’t even sure I was supposed to hear it. Regardless, I just walked downstairs, grabbing my small bag on the way. I wasn’t entirely sure what my Mom had packed for me to take with me, but it probably wasn’t much. I supposed I’d have to buy my stuff while I was up there, and was suddenly very thankful for the pennies I’d been saving.   
I didn’t hear Gerard approach, and I jumped when he suddenly put a hand on my shoulder. He moved his hand and ran it through his hair, almost as if he was trying to take back touching me.   
I thought to myself, for the millionth time that day, that he was a fucking asshole.    
“We should go.” He said pointedly. He had a bag in his hand, and I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.   
It’s not like I even gave a shit anyway.   
“Yeah.” I mumbled, letting him lead me from the house. I looked back, knowing full well that this might be the very last time I ever saw it, and felt a rush of emotion. I wished that I’d taken more time to walk around, and relive the memories. I’d been so busy running from them that I’d actually forgotten to embrace them. This house was where I lost my virginity, where I first slept with the love of my life. It was where I got my first taste of the gentle mix of pleasure and pain, and where I realized my very prominent panty kink. It was where Gerard and I had made love, over and over. It was in this house that I’d stopped him from killing himself, and had held him until he stopped crying, even as I was covered in his blood and vomit. He’d slapped me in the kitchen, and cried on me in the living room. In his bedroom, on his bed, we’d painted each other’s bodies and rolled around until we were both grey and sticky and laughing so hard it hurt. We broke up and got back together in this house. We fought demons and sadness and even each other, and it all happened between these four walls.   
“I love you.” I breathed. I wasn’t even really saying it to him – it was more to the house. It sounded ridiculous, but that’s what it was.   
Nonetheless, I heard him suck in a breath behind me.  
“We’re gonna be late.” He replied, his voice weak. I nodded solemnly and followed him to the car, my chest aching.  I slid into the passenger seat and looked out the window at the house, feeling tears welling in my eyes. I realized that I hadn’t said goodbye to Mikey, but I figured that it was a good thing. Last night had been enough for both of us.   
I wish I could have said the same for Gerard and I, but something in the air seemed unresolved. Instead of discussing it like adults, though, he turned the radio up, and I plugged my earphones in, and we didn’t say a word for most of the journey.

 

Gerard was the one who broke our unofficial vow of silence. He pulled up to a Starbucks and smiled hopefully at me.  
“Want some coffee?” He asked gently. I recognized this for what it was – a peace offering.   
Luckily for him, I needed coffee, and I’d missed the sound of his voice.  
“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” I murmured. He nodded and parked the car more securely, before fixing me with an almost nervous glance.   
“Wanna come in with me?” he asked softly. I smiled and nodded, and the grin he gave me was more than worth breaking my vow of silence for. We slid out of the car and made our way up to the Starbucks. It was still awkward, but at least we weren’t angry anymore.  
Now we were just sad.   
“So, you excited?” Gerard asked with forced politeness. I shrugged.

“Not really. Just scared, mostly.” I admitted. He frowned a little, but I didn’t miss the look of relief that passed over his face. He held the door open for me, and I nodded my thanks as we walked in.  
“You’ll have a blast, kiddo. All the hottest people go to University.” He teased. I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comment as we joined the line.  
“Seriously, Frankie. You’re gonna see so many hot people.” He continuted.  
“I’m sure.” I mumbled.  
“And those parties! Damn!” he chuckled. I sighed in frustration and glared up at him.  
“Jesus, Gerard, can you stop?” I snapped, rounding on him. He raised his eyebrows innocently.  
“Stop what?” he asked meekly. I couldn’t reply just then, because we’d reached the counter. Gerard stopped to give our orders and pay, then looked at me expectantly as we moved down.  
“I want you. I only want you, Gerard. No amount of hot girls and guys and crazy parties are going to change that. So just stop.” I demanded. He let out a resigned sigh and smiled softly.  
“Sorry. You’re right, I’ll be good.” He said. I arched an eyebrow.  
“Well. I didn’t say that.” I purred. He laughed, taking our drinks as they were passed to us, and giving one to me.  
“You tease.” He murmured affectionately, taking a deep drink of his coffee. I smiled and took a sip of mine.   
“C’mon, kiddo. We should get going.” He said, and I was happily surprised when he took my hand and led me out of the store.  
The feeling of his hand in mine, though, gave me a sort of bittersweet pain, and I was relieved to have the opportunity to let go when we got back into the car. He looked concerned, but not misunderstanding. I put my seatbelt on and sipped contentedly on my drink, pushing one earphone in, but keeping the other out to invite conversation.   
Not, of course, that Gerard started one.

 

We arrived at the platform at approximately 9:05.   
Gerard assured me, over and over, that the five minutes wouldn’t matter to my Mom – but he didn’t know my Mom.    
“Frank Anthony Iero.” She said firmly. I rolled my eyes and smiled as I approached her.   
“Hi Mama.” I smiled. Her face softened slightly, but she still looked very disapproving, I pulled her into a hug, and felt warmth run through me as she hugged back twice as hard, her face pressing into my shoulder.  
“Hey, it’s alright Mama.” I hummed, rubbing her back. She pulled back and held me at arm’s length.  
“You look good.” She admitted. She looked up at Gerard and gave him a gentle smile.  
“Thank you.” She said sincerely. Gerard offered her his hand nervously and, after a speculative moment, she took it, shaking it firmly.   
“It’s nice to see you again, Mrs-“  
“Linda.” She corrected him fondly. Gerard beamed, his whole face lighting up at her acceptance, and I couldn’t help but smile too, the aching in my chest becoming more of a fluttering as I looked at the scene before me.   
I realized, then, that there was one thing that I hadn’t really thought about.  
“I want you two to take care of each other.” I blurted out. Mom and Gerard looked at each other and, to my delight, shared a small smile.

“That sounds good.” Mom murmured. Gerard nodded in agreement.   
“We promise.” Gerard said honestly. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that the two people I loved most in the world were both in good hands.   
I looked up at the large station clock and frowned. I didn’t have long – not as long as I needed. I looked up at my Mom in a panic.  
“M-my stuff. Where’s my stuff?” I asked nervously. She gave me a reassuring smile.  
“Already loaded onto the train. It’ll be waiting for you when you arrive.” She said, almost as if it was rehearsed. I nodded, but my heart still pounded in my chest. This was it.  
Fuck, this was it.  
“I don’t want to leave.” I burst. Gerard and my Mom both gave me matching looks of pity and sadness, and I forced a smile. I focused on my Mom, because I knew if I even looked at him, I was at risk of sobbing.   
“I’ll miss you.” I whispered, my voice hoarse with the threat of tears. She held my hands and kissed them.  
“I’ll miss you too. But I’ll see you when you come visit, alright?” she assured me. I nodded slowly, tears sliding down my cheeks.   
“Okay.” I breathed. She cupped my face and kissed my forehead.  
“Your Dad would be so proud of you.” She whispered. I hiccupped, biting down on my lip. She was right, though. I honestly felt like I was finally doing him proud.   
The whistle blew, indicating that there was only five minutes left until the train departed. I finally turned towards Gerard, and saw tears spilling down his face.  
“Frankie…” he breathed. I nodded understandingly. He didn’t need to say anymore. He sniffed and started sifting through his bag.  
“I…here.” He mumbled, shoving something into my hands. It took me a moment to realize what it was, and then I gasped.  
“Oh…is this…oh my god…” I whispered. I held in my hands a very familiar, slightly aged copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. It was the one I recognized from Gerard’s classroom.   
“Don’t open it until you’re on the train, alright?” He murmured. I nodded furiously and threw myself into his arms. He hesitated for only a second before hugging me back tightly, his common sense, I assume, finally winning over his pride.   
He hugged me tightly for a moment, until the whistle sounded again. He wiped his eyes and gave me a gentle smile.  
“Bye.” He said weakly. I laughed a little and waved.  
“Yeah. Bye.” I murmured. I gave my Mom one last kiss on the cheek, before turning around and forcing myself to walk away.   
I walked away from everything. Everything I’d ever loved, accomplished, wanted, needed. Everything. It was all fading away the closer I got to the train. My heart hammered in my chest, and I felt like I was going to die. All I’d wanted was to tell Gerard I loved him one more time, and I didn’t even get to do that.  
A part of me hoped that he knew. He must know, right?   
“Frankie!” I heard from behind me. I only just had time to turn around before I was being scooped up into Gerard’s arms. He literally lifted me off the floor as he hugged me, and pressed a desperate kiss against my mouth. I made a soft noise of surprise before I kissed him back, my hands framing his face. He put me back on the floor, but kept his hands on my hips as he kissed me needily. It was wet, and tasted like salt from our combined tears, but I just needed to kiss him. I needed to taste him one last time.  
“You’re mine, Frank Iero. Fuck, you’re mine.” He gasped. I stroked his hair, my body trembling.  
“I’m yours. I’m always yours.” I whispered. He kissed me again.  
“You’re going to come back for me, right?” he pleaded. I nodded urgently, pressing small chaste kisses to his mouth between words.  
“Always. I’ll always come back to you.” I gasped.   
“I’m in love with you.”   
“I’m in love with you, too.” I murmured. He held my hand to his heart, and I felt it beat under my fingertips.  
“Soulmates, okay?” he whispered. I nodded, without even a second of hesitation.  
“I love you.” I gasped, surging forward and kissing him one last time, trying to memorise the feeling of his lips. He kissed back desperately, his hands almost bruisingly tight.   
And then it was over. We pulled away from each other and smiled weakly.  
“Bye, Frankie” he breathed. I couldn’t say goodbye to him. I just couldn’t. I gave a weak wave and ran towards the train, managing to jump on a few moments before the doors shut.   
I settled into my seat and kept my head down. Around me, everyone was waving out the window, shouting last minute I love you’s. But I couldn’t, because it was already taking everything I had to not run right back off the train.   
It was only when the train pulled away from the station that I allowed myself to open the book.

 

 _To my darling Frankie._  
I hope you read this and remember me always, as I will remember you. I don’t doubt for a moment that you and I will end up together, but in the occasion that this truly is the end, please know that I have always and will always love you.  
Make me proud.  
Your love,  
Gerard.  

I closed the book again and wiped my tears. I was highly aware of my body trembling, but I didn’t even care.   
I was sad. Why the fuck should I care if anyone knew?   
I looked down at the book and traced my fingers over the cover delicately. Gerard was right – we had come full circle, in a way.   
“I’m coming back to you. I swear to God, I’m coming back.”   
I whispered, almost inaudibly.   
I was aware, then, of someone looking at me. I sniffed and gave them a weak smile.  
“Sorry. I just left my-“  
“Boyfriend.” She guessed, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. I laughed softly, wiping my eyes.  
“You could say that.” I allowed. She didn’t seem fazed my this, and held out her hand.  
“I’m Jamia. Art major.” She said. I chuckled and shook her hand.  
“Frank. English.” I said. She nodded, a smile crossing her lips. She was, admittedly, very pretty. I was glad I’d met her now, because she seemed like the kind of person who would be making a lot of friends, and I didn’t want to miss my opportunity. She gave me a polite smile and went to turn back to her book, but something was bothering me in the back of my mind.  
“Hey, Jamia?” I asked softly. She looked up and smiled.  
“Yeah?”  
“Do you…do you think long distance relationships work?” I asked. I didn’t even know why I was asking her. She was a complete stranger, and she probably didn’t even care.  
“I think yours will. He loves you a lot.” She said. I tilted my head.  
“How do you know?” I asked. A small, whimsical smile crossed her lips.  
“Because, even when the train was leaving, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He just stared at you.” She said. I breathed a soft laugh.  
“Yeah. He does that.” I murmured.


	69. Epilogue

The universe has a certain way of doing things. I always believed that – if something is meant to be, it will be. It was thoughts like these that carried through the tremulous three years that stretched before me. It was good at first – better than good. It was perfect. I saw Gerard all the time, and when I wasn’t physically with him, I was texting or calling him. It looked, for some time, like he might be wrong after all; that the weight of our love would prevail. Happily ever after, and all that bullshit.   
Soon though, things got more difficult. It started with one weekend, where I couldn’t see him because of my workload. One of my professors (who ended up being one of my favourites, in the end) liked to work us like mules in terms of assignments, and it was genuinely infeasible for me to visit him. He understood, but told me he missed me, and I said I missed him too. But then one week became two, and two weeks became a month. My reasons faded into excuses, which became arguments, and then transformed into outright lies. It was only after three months of a consecutive lack of contact and false “I miss you”s said between clenched teeth, that the truth finally emerged – I wasn’t in love with him anymore. Of course, I still loved him, but there was no desperate need to be with him. It was hard to realize, and even harder to tell him, but it was true. I put most of the blame down to the fact that, with Gerard’s reluctant blessing, I’d slept with too many people, and hadn’t slept with him at all – nor, I realized, did I even want to anymore. The fire was gone.   
When I discovered the ugly truth, I went down to see him immediately. I sat him down, held his hands, and explained the situation to him as gently as he could. He cried when I told him, of course. His body shook and trembled, and he couldn’t bear to have me look at him, let alone touch him. He looked like he might collapse in on himself, and all I could do was watch. When he’d calmed down, he told me he’d planned a whole weekend for us, but he didn’t think he could stop crying long enough for us to actually do any of it. That was fine with me; we just spent that night crying and holding each other, until we eventually (and inevitably) fell into bed together. That was, undoubtedly, the best sex we’d ever had. It was aggressive and needy and filled with so much hate and love and desperation, that we were both sobbing by the time we came. He looked at me expectantly afterwards, like he was waiting for me to say that I’d changed my mind, but I didn’t. I just rolled over and went to sleep, and was gone before he woke up the next morning.

 

After that, I saw Gerard Way only three more times. The first was at a New Year’s party held by my Mother. During my time at Uni they had, keeping up with their promises, become quite good friends – a fact that was rather bittersweet for me. I knew, therefore, that he would be there, so I dressed maybe a little bit nicer than I usually would have, but I still wasn’t anywhere near as beautiful as he was without even trying. We spent the night talking, which progressed into awkward, timid flirting. The night ended with me sucking him off in my old bedroom, while he bit his lip to the point of bleeding as he tried not to tell me that he loved me, because he knew I wouldn’t say it back. Not anymore. Despite that, when he told me he was leaving, I cried and begged him to stay with me just one more night, and he, of course, agreed. We stayed up all night re-learning each other’s bodies, our hands tentative and cautious, as if any sudden movements would cause the other man to shatter. It felt like I’d never touched him before, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel that familiar fire ignite inside me.   
It was useless, though – by the time I woke up, he’d already left. I couldn’t convince myself to be angry at him, because I knew that it was for the best, and that one night of tenderness couldn’t reverse everything that had happened between us. Besides, now we were even.

 

The second meeting was by mistake. After graduating and moving back to New Jersey, my long-term girlfriend, Jamia and I were at an art gallery, and I bumped into him quite literally. He seemed unabashed, and spoke rather animatedly to Jamia about art and culture, and if I hadn’t seen the marks on his arms, or smelled the ghost of alcohol on his breath, I might have believed him when he said he was happy for me.   
Jamia, of course, was curious. For most of our relationship, I’d carefully side-stepped the topic of Gerard (other than what she’d already seen at the train station on our first day), but she was relentless, so I told her everything. When I was done, she didn’t seem surprised at all.   
“He still loves you.” She said simply. I asked her how she knew, and she just gave me this knowing smile, nothing more than a quirk of her lips as she said:  
“He just kept staring at you.”

 

The very last time I ever saw Gerard was upon his request. He told me in a rushed 4am phonecall that he was leaving Jersey, and that he wanted to talk to me just once more before he left. It’d been almost a year since I’d seen him, or even spoken to him aside from polite birthday wishes, so I was, understandably, very nervous to see him. Alongside that, though, I was excited. It seemed that even when logically I knew I shouldn’t want to be with him, my heart had other plans. We met at a café, and he was uncharacteristically late – I figured, though, that he was trying to make a point. Even when he arrived, I barely recognized him; he’d lost a fair amount of weight, cut his hair short and dyed it white. He spoke to me, at first, with a cold politeness that I found almost uncomfortable. He told me, after a few minutes of nervous small talk, that he had got a deal with a comic book publisher in New York. I told him I was happy for him, even though I could feel my heart shredding itself in my chest at the thought of him being so far away.   
“You know, even after all these years, I still believe that you’re it for me.” He told me suddenly, breaking out of his reverie of reserved coldness. I nodded, unsurprised.   
“I think I knew you were going to say that” I admitted. He smiled sadly.  
“I’d still marry you in a minute, you know. I still have your ring, and if you want it…it’s yours. I’m yours. I could take you away with me to New York.” He said, a desperate edge in his voice. I held his hand and smiled almost condescendingly at him.   
“Gerard, you will always have a special place in my heart. I don’t think I could ever not love you.”   
“Then why-“  
“I had to. You have to see that we’re both better off this way.” I told him carefully, but I was doubting my own words as I felt the familiar weight of his hand in mine.  
“You said you’d always come back for me.” He whispered. I looked up at him and pursed my lips.  
“I did come back, didn’t I?” I asked. He didn’t have a reply to that, so we just sat in silence.   
After a few painful, awkward minutes, he rose to his feet and grabbed his jacket, heading to the door without a word. I thought he was going to leave, just like that, and went to stop him. It wasn’t needed though, because he stopped suddenly and turned around.   
“Oh, and congratulations on your engagement. I guess you’ll understand if I don’t show up to the wedding” he said with a humorless laugh. I nodded wordlessly, unable to form the words that were clawing at the back of my throat.   
He just nodded, as if he understood, and gave me a sad smile.   
“I’m always yours, Frankie. You know that, don’t you? Always.” He said, his voice breaking. I still couldn’t force the words out of my mouth, and he left with a sad wave.   
Those were the last words he ever said to me.

 

My wedding that took place in the summer of the next year was beautiful – everything I’d ever wanted. Chris was my best man, as I always knew he would be, and even Joe, who lived a few hours away, managed to be there. It was one of the happiest days of my life, and I got to spend it with all of the people I loved.  
Almost all.   
Neither of the Way brothers turned up, despite me inviting them both. Mikey sent Jamia some flowers, but she and I could both tell that they were chosen by Gerard – the colour scheme, we decided, could only have ever been configured by an artist. I stared at them for longer than I should have, unsure if I should smile or cry.   
Despite that, though, the day was marvelous, and I was more than elated to walk into my new life, with the woman who had proven herself to be the love of my life by my side. I only wished I’d met her sooner, to save Gerard and I both the heartbreak of our failure. Not that I could bring myself to regret it, though. He gave me things that nobody else ever could have. Although my marriage to Jamia signified a new beginning, it didn’t mean, by any means, that I had to completely let go of the past.

 

Although I never spoke to Gerard again, he was never far from thought. I saw his comics in newspapers occasionally, and I was wont to cutting them out and sticking them on the corkboard in my kitchen. Jamia, being the saint that she is, would simply glance at them and say   
“one of his?” and I’d nod. That was the end of it, most of the time, and she and I were both happy living around the ghost of the life I could have had.   
Despite this, though, I honestly believe that my ties to both Gerard and Jersey were what prompted Jamia’s sudden desire to move back to Canada, but I was ready to do just about anything to make her happy, so I agreed. Though, with Gerard completely gone, I didn’t have any doubts about leaving – until Jamia stumbled across Gerard’s old copy of To Kill A Mockingbird. The sight of it choked me, and she handed it to me with an understanding smile. I looked at the words scrawled on the front, before flicking through the browning pages. It was hard to believe that the book in my hand had, at one time, acted as a portal for me, throwing me into a completely different life. As I flicked through, a piece of paper fell to the floor from the pages. My heart pounded in my throat as I picked it up and unfolded it with shaking hands. When I saw the letter he’d written to me so many years – maybe even a lifetime – ago, on my 18th birthday, I nearly lost it. Even his number, scrawled messily and hurriedly along the bottom of the sheet still sent my heart into overdrive. I blinked away the tears that formed in my eyes, being endlessly grateful that Jamia was pretending to not notice my swell of emotion.   
She was great like that.

 

Finding the lettter brought on a terrible case of cold feet that I just couldn’t shake. Leaving Jersey the first time was hard enough, but now, neither Gerard or I would be here to keep the memory of what we had alive, and it was terrifying to think we could just die like that.   
On a whim, I pulled out my old phone from my teenage years, and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I sent him a text.

 

**TO: Gerard.**

**(2:39am)**

Gerard. I’m moving away from Jersey tomorrow, and I’m so scared. I’m scared because, as much as I try to escape it, I love you, and I always will. Fuck, I always thought it would be you and me. Where did we go wrong, Gee? What the fuck happened?   
Maybe it could still be us. That sounds crazy, but I don’t even know anymore. I just know that I love you, Gerard. I love you, and I will always love you.

 

I sent the message with shaking hands, and wished I hadn’t as soon as I did. Putting my phone back in my pocket, I sat down on the bed next to my wife’s sleeping form, and sighed with a soft smile. I brushed my hand through her hair, before trailing it down, over the gentle swell of her pregnant stomach. She wasn’t him – I knew that. She never could be. Perhaps, though, that’s why I loved her so much. I didn’t need to replace him, or find what I had with him – I needed everything she had to offer me. God, I loved her more than anything in the world, and we had a future – something he could never give me.   
It was while I was considering this that my phone rang again, signifying his reply. I knew, without even looking, that the message would say one of two things. It could say that he hated me, that I was confusing him and hurting him, and he wanted me to stop. The possibility of that hurt me more than I was willing to admit. The other possibility, though, is that I’d open the message and he would try to convince me to run away with him – and maybe I would have said yes. Maybe we could pick up where we left off, and do all the things we promised each other that we would do.   
I never found out, though. I stood up carefully, so as not to awake Jamia, and walked to my bedroom window. I looked out into the night and sighed, remembering that one particular evening where he and I made love in the rain on top of a rooftop, looking at the same city I was staring at now. All of that seemed lifetimes away from this. I took my phone into my hand, and stared at his name flashing on the screen. Without another thought, so as not to let myself second guess my actions, I flung the phone out into the night.   
I never saw where it landed, but I heard the faint smash as it broke. It hit me then, that I would never see what he’d said to me, or know if he felt the same way after all these years.   
It was better that way, though. Some messages were never meant to be read.

 

The universe has a certain way of doing things – if something is meant to be, it will be. For as long as I live, I will keep this reassurance close to my side, with the hopes that maybe we really could have worked if we’d tried, even as I bear the understanding that perhaps we wouldn’t have.   
Through all of the things Gerard Way taught me, both in the classroom and out of it, there is one message that springs to mind whenever I think about him:  
The Sun is just a star, no matter how bright it is, and all stars die. But in the wake of their destruction, comes the dispersal of stardust, and the potential for the creation of something even more beautiful than before. With this in mind, I believe that Gerard and I will never truly fade, because we were brighter than the sun, and the stardust created by our demise will settle into something marvelous, and so by moving on, but still holding our love deep in my bones, we can never truly die.

 

_***_

_“How wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying”  
\- Gerard Way. _

_***_

The End.


End file.
